A quick 10ish minute news-suppository for people who think cable anchors don't scream at each other enough. Designed to give you just enough information to make you sound knowledgeable at the water cooler, but not knowledgeable enough to put you on a government no-fly list.

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Hard Factor

Hard Factor 4/18: Apple Settles Lawsuit With Qualcomm, A Mom In CA Banged Her Daughter's Boyfriends, Shady Opioid Doctors Busted, Lightening Round

Coral Lytle, of Tulare CA is being accused of banging her daughters two separate freshman boyfriends and bribing them off with booze and smokes.  Sounds like a great deal for a 15 year old boy, because she is kinda hot.....The whole thing fell through when one of the freshman got a conscience and alerted police because he felt guilty shaking her husband's hand.....what an idiot that kid is.Apple and Qualcomm have finally settled their lawsuit.  What does it mean??  Well this is great news for Iphone users because it means Apple will be able to bring you 5G service quicker, so quicker stream times for porn clips and whatever else you like to look at on your phone.Federal prosecutors charged 60 physicians and pharmacists Wednesday with illegally handing out bullshit scripts for opioids in what they are calling is the biggest dirty doctor opioid bust ever in the U.S.  It's probably laughable in China.  Doctors were handing out prescriptions to friends, trading them for sex, and even pulling teeth to cover up the prescriptions.Lightening Round:- Double Suicide, including the girl who was terrorizing Colorado schools with threats of another Columbine Massacre, she's dead.  Former Peruvian President, Alan Garcia, killed himself while police were in his house to arrest him for charges of money laundering and accepting bribes.- Scientists now believe that you know you are dead for several minutes when your heart stops and are actually conscience of what is happening around you....bummer.- The dog that was found swimming 135 miles off Thailand is back on land, safe and sound, maybe..
00:25:00 4/17/2019

Past Episodes

On Today's Episode of Hard Factor:Roll back out the veto gong. Our guy Donnie got a taste a few weeks ago. He got his first veto in over the National Emergency "invasion" in air quotes at the border and now he's going to be smashing that veto gong a lot. Number 2 came on Tuesday when President Donald Trump vetoed a congressional resolution that sought to end U.S. involvement in the Saudi-led war in Yemen.There has been a four-year-long civil war where one side is backed by Saudi Arabia and the other side is backed by Iran those being the Houthi rebels. A few quick facts about Yemen are it is located at the southern end of the Arabian peninsula in western Asia and is only separated from Africa by the Gulf of Aden.  Really sexy gulf front property with a vast array of coral, fish and even whales I would love to go snorkeling there.An article published by the Sun, an Australian news outlet, on Monday is scaring the shit out of news readers everywhere because it talks about all the things that can happen when permafrost is melted by global warming/climate change/being hot outside, whatever the fuck you want to call it.The basic gist is that prehistoric bacteria and diseases can lie dormant in permafrost that's been frozen deep beneath the earth's surface for thousands of years, or more.Some more news out of the handjob capitol of the United States, Jupiter Florida. Where a man being identified as "John Doe" is suing the Jupiter Police Department for violating his constitutional rights to privacy because he was at the Orchids of Asia on the same day the police were operating their bullshit sting against Patriots owner and all around great guy, Bob Kraft.  So he is suing the Palm Beach County State Attorneys Office, the detective who got the warrant to spy with cameras, and the Jupiter police department for damages.Something tells me the judge is going to throw it out and tell him sorry about his divorce. 
00:20:00 4/16/2019
Well that was wild, the whole fucking cathedral almost burnt to the ground and the whole world was watching it and acting like it was a royal wedding except one where someone got stood up at the alter. This is not the first time Notre Dame was nearly or just straight up destroyed, it happened in World War I as well. No one died, they will rebuild and the baguettes and wine will still be phenomenal in the meantime.Tiger won the Masters, holy shit let's give him a Medal of Honor, the Nobel Peace Prize, the Pulitzer, a Grammy, a Kennedy Center Honor and the Presidential Medal of Freedom along with his fifth green jacket. President Trump says he is actually going to give Woods the Medal of Freedom, good for Tiger and great for local madams because Tiger is back and he be fucking.Yesterday was Tax Day and fuuuck Tax Day. Bernie Sanders seemed to be loving it though as he released the last ten years of his tax history and revealed that he became a millionaire when he ran for President in 2016 by selling a shit load of copies of his book as well as whatever else money you make running for President. Brought to you by: We The People Holsters
00:20:00 4/15/2019
The guy Beto O'Rourke wishes he was, Julian Assange, has been detained and is now facing charges from the United States... but everyone doesn't agree on if he's guilty or not.A family of complete savages wrecked shop on the Eau Claire, Wisconsin Walmart, and hilarity ensued. Even the dog got in on the action.A man in Michigan, recently divorced, is suing his parent for over $80K for destroying his porn stash, claimed to be valued at $29K. The additional $50K is for the emotional stress he's had to endure without his pile of porn...Nancy Pelosi wants President Trump to lay off Ilhan Omar, a 75 year-old Florida man was killed by his pet cassowary (basically a raptor, see pic), and Tiger Woods is BACK.
00:20:00 4/14/2019
Hard Factor VP of Football Operations & Host of Pardon My Take PFT Commenter joins the show today to talk... A festival that takes place on the first Sunday of every April in Kawasaki, Japan is quite the event!!  The centuries old festival, which is based on a legend involving a jealous demon hidden inside the vagina of a Goddess who bites dicks off, is basically the worlds biggest bachelorette party.NASA unleashed the "first ever" picture of a black hole that is 55 million light years away and 6.5 billion times bigger than our little bitch Sun.  PFT discusses his theory on how NASA may be trolling Trump with this new incredible photo, and we discuss why it actually is not that cool to look at.A new species of tiny humans has been discovered.  Standing an estimated max height of 3 feet 6 inches, the Homo luzonensis, as they are being called, suffered from a form of dwarfism, and PFT believes the guy who first discovered the tiny foot print and then dug for 9 more years, may have a little bit of a foot fetish.Lightening Round:- US Attorney General Bill Barr says Trump was definitely spied on during his campaign, yea no shit.- Bernie Sanders unveils his new 1 trillion dollar Medicare plan for all citizens.- A woman in Tennessee was arrested for stealing an electric scooter from Wal-Mart and driving it to Waffle House for "coffee"- You can now change your gamer handle on Playstation, first one is on the house, after that its $10 a pop.   
00:25:00 4/10/2019
Federal agents busted one of the largest medicare schemes in history on Tuesday.  The scheme, which targeted elderly and disabled persons on medicare, involved shady doctors, who were getting bribes from medical equipment companies to write fake prescriptions for knee, back and neck braces that patients didn't actually need.  Telemedicine companies would call up people known to be on medicare, tell them they could get them braces they didn't really need, then would bill medicare after the braces were delivered.  This will cause YOUR healthcare premiums to go UP, and you should be outraged!!Andrew Lippi, who just bought an 8 Million Dollar private island off the coast of Key West, is being charged with grand theft in Florida, after returning products to K-Mart (yes a few still exist) that contained nothing more than bullshit.  The man, who was attempting to fill his new home with necessities like a new Keurig machine, was returning the boxes of these items for refunds, but the kicker is the boxes didn't have those products in them.  Florida should really up their qualifications for "grand theft"Lightening Round:- Everyone forget all the opportunities Johnny Football carelessly blew over the last six years. Johnny's dead, he died... and like a Phoenix rising from the ashes - meet John Football. All is forgiven. -Aunt Becky is probably going to jail for bribing her ridiculously hot daughters into USC. -A 34-year old professional gambler set the new record for the largest single-day-cash-win on the game show Jeopardy, taking home over $110,000. Unfortunately for him even $110k isn't enough to make a know-it-all degenerate gambler lovable.
00:20:00 4/9/2019
On Today's Episode of Hard Factor:We're joined by special guest host @UncleChaps. Trump had such a big day. So much stuff.Trump fired the director of the Secret Service. He named the Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corpsas terrorists. The Senators he tapped for the "healthcare policy group" just aren't that into him. And a California judge blocked Trump's policy of returning asylum seekers to Mexico as they wait for their cases to be heard by an immigration court, and it's only Monday. I would bet the over on an early departure to Mar-a-Lago for Donald this week.If you're saying to yourself "yea, there is something vaguely familiar and also evil about this guy's face" then you may have paid attention in history class.  Meet Julius Caesar Mussolini.  He is the great grandson of the bad boy of the Axis Of Evil, Benito Mussolini.  Beyond his name being Julius Caesar (which is equivalent of an Austrian being named Archduke Franz Ferdinand) he is running on behalf the the Brothers of Italy Party; so this should work out well for all parties involved.
00:20:00 4/8/2019
Special co-host Kate joins the boys to discuss the news on this episode.DHS Secretary Kristjen Nielsen ResignsDepartment of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Kristjen Nielsen resigned effective immediately on Sunday amid criticisms from all sides on how the situation at the US southern border has been handled so far.Double Feature from Africa: The American Hostage in Uganda was Found, and A Poacher was Killed by Elephants and LionsThe American hostage being held ransom for $500,000 inside a Ugandan national park on safari, Kimberly Sue Endicott, was found. Over in South Africa, a suspected poacher was killed when he was mauled by elephants and later devoured by lions inside Kruger National Park, must have been pretty satisfying for the lions.PA Man Raids Maxi-Pads and Cereal on Meth BingeA man in Altoona, PA woke up to a stranger passed out on his kitchen floor, surrounded by cut up maxi-pads and empty cereal boxes. Turns out the guy was on a meth binge and just really wanted cereal and maxi-pads.Lightning Round of Other HeadlinesDevin Nunes is moving forward on criminal investigation referrals to AG Bill Barr about alleged illegal activity carried out by the Mueller investigation team made up of the FBI and DOJ.A Florida man was arrested for burglary after he was released from jail and immediately began stealing stuff out of the cars parked inside the jail parking lot.Will skipped a Liz Warren speech for a weed convention, and Kate grades Austin, TX.
00:25:00 4/7/2019
Ever had a manicure that got you just a little too excited that you do something illegal?  Well that's what happened to Steve Wynn, who is being accused of raping and impregnating a woman who gave him a very special manicure inside his hotel, and he thinks its all a conspiracy against him....Ok Steve....A man and his dog were attacked by hundreds of bees in their home after the bees penetrated the abode through a hole in the wall, and while the man escaped with only hundreds of bee stings, his dog, who likely tried to bite every single bee, had a different outcome.An American woman and her safari drivers, who maybe or maybe not were in on the job, were abducted at gunpoint while on safari and the kidnappers demanded $500,000 in ransom for HER safe return.  So Uganda deployed its most "elite" police force to find them.  Good luck lady!LIGHTENING ROUND:- President Trump Hates Wind Energy-Olivia Jade Is Still Hot, Who Cares What Happens to Her Mom-TSA About To Make Our Lives A LOT EasierAND FINALLY OUR QUEST TO BE MUCH LESS UN-SEXY HAS ENDED, FIND OUT HOW MUCH WE ALL LOST AND JUST HOW EASY IT IS TO DO THE SAME WITH YOUR LIFE!
00:20:00 4/3/2019
Trump said on Tuesday: "If we don't make a deal with Congress, the border's going to be closed. 100 percent." Not only does Trump want action now from Congress, he cut foreign aid for Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras, basically saying why would we aid them if they send caravans at us?? Your move congress.Also...the Republican Party is now the Party of Healthcare. Whatever that means. In other Trump news, he keeps saying that his father was born in Germany when convenient.Joe Exotic is a former Oklahoma gubernatorial candidate, zookeeper, and tiger salesperson. He was convicted on Tuesday as part of an attempted murder-for-hire plot.  His target? Carole Baskin, the founder of the Big Cat Rescue animal center who repeatedly criticized Exotic Joe's treatment of the animals, which is not something Joe could let fly.A Greenville, SC newspaper has been getting a little too up-in-the-business of the non-denominational Relentless Mega Church; and it's pastors DO NOT LIKE THAT.  They are so offended that the newspaper has been doing things like, questioning their obvious embezzlement, that they have been saying things like "I cut people. I got a knife right in that pocketbook," during their sermons... FYI the woman pictured above drives a $200k Lambo. Which, you know, is totally normal for a preacher. 
00:20:00 4/2/2019
The Mayor of Baltimore is corrupt. Any questions?There's Michelangelo, Mozart, Maya Angelou, the Beatles and Wes. If you haven't heard Hard Factor Wes describe Brexit then you haven't experienced art. Go grab a nice bottle of Argentinian Malbec, light some candles, take a bubble bath and listen to Wes break down Brexit in a way that makes you feel like you're an MP.Have you ever starred in a play? Well then don't judge Jake Wascher who was just trying to act his dick off. Turns out our boy Jake is a bit o' a method actor and turns out his method is extreme violence. Jake stabbed two of his co-actors multiple times while all the other pussy actors stood around in shock and then took off like Dr. Richard Kimball from the Fugitive. The Fugitive is one of the best movies of all time and we'll leave you at that. 
00:20:00 4/1/2019

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