Walking Dead Season 1 Rewatch, Episode 3: Tell it to the Frogs

Transcript

So either way, the man pulls me out. We're good to go. I'm glad you didn't ask me to come over anything like that. That'd be weird either way. Interesting. Hope of people on the side of the road. Would you stop or wouldn't you stop? Gang gang entire audience going to or coming back from rehab? I get goosebumps back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Trust me, I'm not touching the greatest show on Earth, and we're kind of neighbors. Yeah, we're close. We live. We live in that area. Both got out of the chaos and moved out to the. It was time to move out to an area where the riots were more of a televised event than a spectator event. Yeah, there were live. When I live in West Hollywood, there were live. It was like, Oh, I'm going to see a live event that I moved out to where I live now. It's like, Oh, this is over Zoom. Yes, it's like we're Skyping in to the nightmare. Yeah. But if you talk to Rogan, he acts like it was live for him all the time. Like, Dude, yeah, you live by us. I know that guy. I love him to death, but it's just so funny because it's like he like the idea that he was like a social butterflies and say, you know, he's like, I can't go out anywhere. It's like, what? No, he's like Bigfoot. He lived in like a cave with mountain lions. No one got close to where I lived. Yeah, it was like he lived in the bat cave. I'm just sick of this. The homeless white dude who's, you know, a homeless guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, there's not that many homeless where we're at. No, there's now a few homeless horses. Yeah, it's a couple of bobcats, bobcat, but maybe by a tiger from Whitney. Yeah, yeah. But it's not. It's not that bad, but I like it. It's quiet. I've never lived out in a natural area. It has more nature in this area, especially you come from New York. New York had no nature. We had rats and stuff like that. But now I see horses. I see, like every now. A lot of hawks and eagles. Yeah, hell yeah. Beautiful. It's nice. Are you? Because the kind of the whole crew just kind of just, yeah, took off. Yeah. Were you? Were you? I mean, you and I have talked about this all year, but you close to moving while like kind of everybody else. How was it close to Abram? I was thinking about it. I never. I never say never. I think that you look at the money you spend in L.A., it's a lot of money. You know what? You save money. The problem is, what am I going to do? Am I going to live in a cul de sac in Texas? I have like a neighbor with big hair, and then she comes over and would just smoking like lucky strikes in the backyard and just hang like, What are we going to do? That's my question. I'm like, What's going to happen? Yeah, if I move down there, it's just going to be quiet. Kind of depressing. Like something about L.A. It's fun. It's ridiculous, but it's fun. It's fun. We'll talk to Theo. He moved in after you. What do you do? Yes. Nothing. That's to produce nothing. Yeah, there's I'm lonely. Loneliest s**t, man. Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, you're probably going to fly whatever city you moved it. I like I like going out to dinner and seeing these crazy people that are, you know, 15 year old billionaires and like craziness and YouTubers in Lambert, YouTubers and Lamborghinis, people just walking around and like a lime green onesie. You know, I mean, just that whole. It's crazy, but to me, it's it's as a comedian, there's more to make fun of here. You just want to make fun of it. There's more there's more energy here. And then also what's interesting is if I didn't know this, maybe you do because your family still back in New York. We had Schultz on a few weeks ago. He gets a year. This is terrible here. You don't realize how bad we have it here to get out, right? He's like, just like North Korea, you just can't do s**t. It's what can I eat? I'm like, No, where it's bad. Postmates, it here is bad. I go, I go, You're from New York, dude. You guys, you guys are just the same as this because, no, we're not. Other news, The news seems that they're going to they'll be there. They're going to get, yeah, they're going to get to shut it down again because these hospitals are supposedly all f**ked up. And then, you know, they're just going to shut it down, shut down. Schools will shut it down again. I mean, what are you going to do? I mean, listen, I don't know. I just I'm a certain point now where I go, like, I don't even watch the news anymore because it's like, I just feel like it's on loop. So I'm like, All right, shut it down or open it up, or just let me know when I can go to f**king Panera to let me know what I can sit in a Panera. Yeah, let me know when you're all gonna let me know what I could have for, like a French onion soup at Panera. Yeah, and then that's OK. But as far as everything else, like, I don't even care. I just try to be funny and stay away from it because you start to lose your mind and you're like, f**k, I just hope that like, whether it's the vaccine, whatever works, I just hope by the spring, by the spring, summer, we're like getting out of it. Yeah, well, I hope. And do you see? Are you into the vaccine? Will you take it? Yeah, I'll take it. Listen, I will do whatever it takes you. I agree with you. I mean, I like to take it in a little while. Like, not immediately. No, I don't be like, it's like buying a test that everybody got it. Yeah. LED the team. You don't want the first edition test led nurses. Get it, and then I'll I'll try it later. After two or three hundred million people have got there saying that that like the first people that get it, like there's no like crazy side effects, but also event. If you want to travel, you're going to have to have to have it for our jobs. We're going to have to have it. We go all over the country, then all over the world, we're going to need to have it. We're not going have an option. You know, I just hope it works. Yeah, I'm going to hold back a little bit. Whole thing is like, let's hope it f**king works. Yeah. Again, it's like Tesla. If you bought that first edition, Tesla, those things. Were run into the walls. Yeah, yeah, they're great. Another great other great. Yeah. All right. Iniquity. Robert Kennedy Jr. said the vaccine. It'll it'll cure you, but it won't stop you from spreading it, which a lot of people think like so. But if it cures everybody as everybody, if they need the vaccine. The problem with that type of vaccine is everybody's got to have it for it to work right. And there's been so much like s**t on the vaccine that now everyone doesn't know. Nobody's like now's the time of the first responders. Like, Yeah, we're good. Nobody's excited about nobody's like, you all know, just nobody's quite that wrong. Just my dad's a f**king vaccine is out, but I can't wait. Let's go. Take a PS5. Let's do it. Let's do this. Let's go into it. That's why. So, and I'll tell you who's doing it right is Trump. And lot more long ago I said, Have you been down there? I've never been in the area. You get why he was like, the White House is a dump, and it's just a f**king chills of cause. It's gorgeous, dude. We went down the beach. Amazing. It's slow, but it's amazing. It's slow, but he's seventy. And yeah, dude, you should see his compound there. It's amazing. Of course. Like, yeah, of course. White House. Of course. Always down there. Yeah, he loves it. I love Florida, man. I think that might be the retirement score. Yeah, it's either there. It's really only Florida. Arizona, Florida is amazing. Scottsdale, Arizona is nice to hell. Yeah, but Florida's I like the ocean. Yeah, I like looking out at the water. You guys both Sherlock's crack the code or retire in Arizona, Florida, it's like, that's that's why they people have been doing it. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I know he's making fun of us. I know. But yeah, it's trying to pick the energy up a little Ralston. I mean, God, yeah, we're we're doing the thing that other people have done successfully and enjoyed. Yeah. Let me see what this kid's talking about. Yeah. Not in Florida. Get in some debate club. Evidently a fan of too, he knew what you were up to this weekend. I got Nick from Bumper Tennessee, got the bay club for you guys were having on him, Dillon and his World War. He's got going on with Airbnb, correct? So the debate you stick with as Airbnb, with those nice clean hits. Or you go to the Motel six to all them lot lizards or. Yeah, I am having a gang gang, but what's going on? I'm having a war with two lesbians that have an Airbnb in Joshua Tree, who rated me poorly. Akpabio breaking a cactus. How do I even do that? You sloppy b***h. You goofy b***h. How do I even break a f**king cactus, OK? The the literal furniture was like art pieces. No one could sit in it. They were like f**king chairs with our backs. How long were you there? One night? One night I brought a few friends out there, got a good deal on it, got it for less than half of what it usually rent for one last minute. Oh, gotcha, which is out in Palm Springs, who called them like, Let's all go to Joshua Tree and we went out there. I had my producer with me. I had another guy who podcast with me. And then I think if you got my story, you might be able to still see these f**king shares that they had. It was like to a point. So just for their defense, how how did the cactus get broke? No one touched it. This is the thing you practice with, like falling apart. I probably don't have it on my show. Yeah, I don't have it. But the reality is these chairs were like, literally. So like, have you ever seen chairs where you like, no one can sit on them? Those weren't them. No one can sit on these five chairs and I have one here. I have a photo of one here. I'll just I'll just give it to you right now. But just to give you an idea of how bad it was, so did they tell you not to just look at that? You don't want to sit on them. They look horrible to you that, oh, that's terrible. So I mean, there's this f**king b***h like, wrote this whole thing where she was like, he was a bad guy. He'd clogged the toilets. He broke our chairs. Nobody broke anything. The chairs were like the chairs were like weird chairs that you like. We went up to them. They were like falling apart, like you put them together and we just left a few dishes in the sink. And that was it. Did you have a razor, though? No. We had four people. Just had a dinner. Nobody had a razor. So I threatened her on her text. I said, Well, I know where your house is now. Hopefully nothing happens to it. That's so sad. Yeah, she said. It was stupid. And then she goes, Are you threatening me? I'm like, Well, we'll see what happens. And then I sent her a gif of The Simpsons house burning. You know, the Simpsons house that burns that Kiev. I sent that to her and she's like, OK, bro. And then I just trashed on my podcast because she's being a b***h. And her and her wife are horrible people. She older. Her name is like Mila, Jonah, Mila. Yeah, that is dumb. Like, they're posing with a dog in their Airbnb photo. Whatever they're like. We worked our whole lives in this house. Like, Shut the f**k up. Shut up. So and I gave them a great review because I'm not a rat and I don't hurt people's business. So I was like, Beautiful place. I never, you know, give somebody a bad review. Never. I don't yelp. I don't comment. Uber, I don't Uber. No, I don't do any of that. I spit on Uber driver. We got in a physical fight where I kick the back of his chair and he he spit at me and I spit back at him because he wouldn't take me through the drive through Taco Bell. I still rated him hot. You understand I still read it really you. Because up until our fight, he did what? Yeah, he's cool. He did a good job. He cut through tribes. You're trying to get a job. Where are you trying to get a double decker? I trying to get a cheesy gordita crunch. Oh yeah. So let's just go to the drive. And he said no, and he started screaming at me. So I just started kicking a seat like kicking the back of a C.. Then he spit on me, I spit on him, and then I had to get out of the car. But Uber kicked me. Uber kicked me off for like six months, but now I'm back, I'm back, and that's cool. I had the opposite happen. I was. I drove for Uber and this lesbian couple was in the back and it was bar time. And this was back in the day when Serge was huge. It'd be five times 10 times. Yeah, make $200 on one ride and they asked to go through an in and out drive thru and I was like, No, I'm sorry, I can't do that. And they got super pissed and they're like, Drop us off here. And they smashed my window and they stole all the waters off the back of my car. Oh, but here's the deal, man. Why are you not making them happy? Because time is time is money at that point. Get out of my car. It's an equal transaction like I don't. I'm an independent contractor. Do not as I make my decision. Did you not want to get a f**king Double-Double animal style? f**k it. No, not a half hour later, I didn't. Oh wow, dude. Couple of years to get money, right? Because the lesbians and some spread that could have been a f**king real story. There's two ways to really make money on Uber. It's distance traveled and number of rides sitting idle. You're not going to make your own. Wow. Understood. Hey, didn't know that? Did they leave you a bad review? Oh yeah. But I called Uber immediately because I knew it was going to be an issue. And so like, you guys don't write, I don't leave their reviews. So listen, this you either. Like, I had a bad Airbnb in Palm Beach. My brother booked. It was a real f**king Airbnb pictures look dope. Airbnb b***h literally texted me this morning, threatening. Would you like me to see if I can get that review removed? And I wrote, Yes. So I think it works. The post is big, and I think people went to her and said, This guy's having a lot of fun with your house. He's making a mockery of it as it deserves to be made a mockery of its. Not because it is ridiculous and it's not going to stop. I will have fans of mine rent their baby and I will go in it. I'm just going crazy. I'll be like, b***h, I'll never leave your home. I'll live in your f**king house. You're going to squat. I'll squat there. I'll do whatever. And she got mad because we made like burgers and like big beans and like other campfire foods. Yeah, they sound like real calm. Don't get mad at me. I left. I left a few dishes in the sink. She's like the cleaning crew complained about what cleaning? Yeah, that's her f**king. I paid a $400 cleaning fee. f**king do it. So we never leave. But here's what I will say. I love Airbnb because I will still go probably Airbnb over hotels in most situations. Hey. Because like when I was on the road to a comedy, I brought my opener with me and when we were in, it's an Airbnb. If I get a hotel, I want a nice hotel. So if I got to get him a room in the media rooms, it's a lot of money. It's a nightmare. We don't get a yard, we don't get this. We don't get that. With an Airbnb B, we each have our own room. We have rooms to spare and sometimes we have a pool. We have a yard. We have way more common area. Yeah, it's much more comfortable, man. I like me all day. I don't do hotels at all anyway, especially during COVID. I mean, but I'll go to like the Ritz-Carlton in Naples. There's certain hotels. I like certain hotels. I like blueberry pancakes on a beach, holler on the beach. I would still rather do Airbnb even over a nice hotel because you need a dope. But usually the difference is this is the one difference. And now, because of COVID hotels, the one difference that hotels are not bringing to the table right now and is like a room service. So it's like there's something nice about being like, Hey, I'm in a hotel. I walk right to the beach and sit on my chair, Where's my drinks? Where's my food? That's the reality. That's the only thing I don't even drink. But like just, you know, even to just be like, Hey, man, I'm f**king hot. Can you give me a bottle of water? Can give me some, give me a mozzarella stick. And they do it and you tip them. And that's a nice transaction. But for sure, not f**kin a Motel six over Airbnb. Now that young man was asking. No, that young man is figuring out what is the best place to do math with his mother. Yeah, I like I like to like like Crystal with my parents. Where can we do that? And it's like, I don't know, dude. No good decisions have come out of motel. 100 percent. I used to do cocaine in motels, never a Motel six. Not that bad. But. And they were fun rooms, too, just because you had win protection. Are you completely sober now? 100 percent. No drinks. Ten years. Oh wow. Wow. No. No temptation at all. No. I mean, can you be around it occasionally? The one thing that I do is like, I have occasional slip up. Like occasionally I'll do heroin plus the occasional s**t. Like, I shoot heroin, I'll shoot up. But that's not okay. Occasionally, I'll have a cigarette. That's the baddest thing. I just not. That's not great. Are you tempted, though? Like when you go to a comedy club, there's alcohol everywhere. Never. Because I'm over it. It's you Typekit for the first two or three years and you're over and I'm like, I'm just over it. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. 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Do you talk to on a daily basis? Oh, no, no. I like Alex, but he's too much too late. You might never meet your heroes. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a he's a lot, and sometimes you just can't do it. No, he'll be like, you know, there's a globalist invasion I'd like to do. All I ask is, What do you want to eat, man? Yeah, I'm for the breakfast over the globalist invasion all the time. I respect that. He's done some horrible things, too, so it's also very hard. He's done a lot of things, very hard. He's done a lot. A guy like that who predicted Epstein before anyone else did, and that gets no credit for it. I'll just get s**t on. He has no credit for it. However, then he also was like, You know, Hey, maybe Sandy Hook didn't happen and ever like Noah did. So it like evens out and like evens out where it's like, still, he looks very bad. Very bad. And it's whatevs. Like, he's a conspiracy guy. Like, he's got a look at everything that didn't happen. He's the conspiracy guy, the guy in America and Sam Tripoli. Yeah. And it's just tough, man. It's a tough gig, right? It's not easy. Well, no, because also those guys, they don't believe anything. They know you can't you can't have a normal conversation. But the thing about aliens is like to me, I was never got any aliens that was I was bored. Yeah, me too. I was boring. Gives a f**k. I mean, I think they're out there in point. It's not even a good conspiracy because it's like nothing. No one has any proof. I'd rather talk about a conspiracy that like, affects people like like that. Actually, you could find evidence like, is Michelle Obama, man? Yes, like something like that. There's evidence lizard painted. Yes, lizard people, things like that. But aliens, I'm like, Yeah, maybe get unless someone comes down to look like he had just outran the cops and he like he'd gotten away from, like what he was like before I go away. Let me make this thing interesting before I just have a lawyer argue this down to petty larceny. Let me just get this alien question off my chest. I mean, he looks like he just tried to steal a rim from like an AutoZone or something. And he's now behind the building. Just super quiet. Another debate club. He got a lot, Caroline from Gastonia in North Carolina. I heard 10 Dillon is going to be hosting the show this week and I know he's an ice cream connoisseur, so I have a question. Turn it off ice cream. Ben and Jerry's Haagen-Dazs. I heard her Ben and Jerry's ice. It's a great question. You're an ice cream connoisseur. It's great. Have you had? Before we answer this because I've actually never had that person, I bet that's peasant ice cream. Have you had like Saltonstall or Jeni's? Of course. Of course. You know, I've I've been I've had incidents in salt straw. You have trouble in salt. What's wrong with, you know, what's what's wrong with them? The problem is he spit on a salt and straw work now. But the problem is sometimes the salt. And sure enough, with the testing of the people in front of me, like I'm one of out man and I start, I start kind of getting aggressive, like where I'm like, What's this? Yeah, it's vanilla. Yeah, it's vanilla. It's eat it or I want to f**king start, you know, so I'll try like, but they get a little too aggressive with their like they get they get aggressive, like they put Thanksgiving stuffing in ice cream. Yeah, some of the yellow to create. So it's a little seasonal. Yeah, you know, they're like, we want to do ice cream for Flag Day. It's like, shut the f**k up, just put cookie dough in it. And let's go. This young woman asked me, Ben and Jerry's and Haagen-Dazs number one. So what unites them both, right? They're both super premium brands of ice cream, meaning that they're dense, right? So when you have like Turkey Hill or just just imagine me saying there's too like just the IQ of just fat coronavirus patients breaking down, I do a TED talk and I was actually. But when you turkey or eddies, they're whipped and they have a lot more air in them, they're not super premium. So the reason that the Haagen-Dazs and Ben Jerry's are packed in pints are super premium ice cream. Haagen-Dazs is made with like five ingredients. Ben and Jerry's is a few more, but they're still pretty similar. The difference between Haagen-Dazs and Ben Jerry's is this Ben and Jerry's and I had a joke about this has too much going on in the Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Me like the Jerry Garcia and all that much. I love the you know, but that's OK. You were raised where? Denver? Correct. So the castle from Long Island, New York, that's where the Vanderbilts are the highest and people that have ever lived. That's where the of slaughtered people country started in Long Island. I mean, money started in Long Island class started in Long Island. OK, so how did. US has a cleaner finish, better flavors of Ben and Jerry's is more fun, it's more fun if you're high. But overall quality of ice cream Haagen-Dazs is better is a better quality ice cream. It's a bet. What's your favorite? What's your favorite? What's your favorite? What's it like if you go to Science Friday? You get a white chocolate raspberry truffle is a beast. That's a super beast. It's a pretty fancy. It's white chocolate with raspberry and I get it. Yeah, it's really good. And if I go to salt straw salted malted cookie dough is one of the best. Last night fudge on top. Yeah, me too. I mean, that is probably the best flavor right now in America as a sort of malted and cookie dough at salt in a straw. But thank you for your question. Good question. Nice day. You know your ice cream. I do you reflect that kettle ice cream, gravel and enlightened? Yeah, they taste like icing. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's no good. It's frozen ice. It's better to just not f**k with any of that degree. I was full of Kido when I start eating like a keto cookie from a place and I'm like, Oh, this is not. This is not king interesting Jack coming to you from Northampton, Massachusetts, lesbian capital of the country. Huge fan and I got a debate club for you guys. Who is the worst tweeter? Could it be being dead or would it be? Kind of forever? Ma'am, if you're unfamiliar, I sent my man nick some screenshots guessing game about being dead. I know about being just a terrible parent. But what? What's the other one? Ruth Conda forever. It was. Here we go. What a weird question, this guy. Interesting, though it's interesting, but you get so very specific. The listener know been dad has a daughter. I guess he's a podcast like musician guy. And so he has a daughter and she won't open up beans. And then he was like, Well, you need to figure out how to do it on your own with the can opener. Right? It took her six hours, which is alarming. Took her six hours. She's 12 or something. Nine nine took her like six hours. She was shocked that she was crying and thrown fed. Yeah, and he was like, Going need to figure this out? This is life. Yeah, he sounds fun. Sounds like a great sounds like a real problem. I think my problem will be on like she'll be like doing f**king art. She'll be on only fans before you start her pussy for f**king, you know, Adderall. And he'll be like, I don't know where I went wrong. I spent nine hours watching. My problem is what kind of dad thinks it's smart to go on Twitter and tell everyone what you did. Yeah, and then he apologized, which is also the worst thing you can do, though actually apologize. So just don't my. So this is though, what kind of mom just told my ten year old daughter about r.b.g. Who passed away. She had tears in her eyes, and then she did the what kind of pose? And said, Ruth Conda Forever, which is sort of pop now. This woman's worse. Oh yeah, she's worse as much. She's not even a question now. She Yeah, this woman f**king sucks, dude. First of all, your 10 year old daughter that never happened. You made this entire city entire thing up. I like Hilary Baldwin better than this lady in this lady sucks. Hello, everyone. We call it Hillary. OK? Are you a fan of Hillary? She's fine. I'm all for it. I'm all for it. Lippy pretend to be a different race. I think it's great. Who cares? Does that bother you? What kind of loser are you if somebody came up to be there like, you know, this b***h isn't really Russian, I go, Oh, you know, I don't, I don't give a f**k. She likes Russians. Yeah, all right. She wants to speak Russian. I don't understand why people get upset about this s**t. I think it's great. I think it's fun. I don't know why people are mad. I don't get it. I think she also was doing she was like a high class Hispanic lady. She was it. She's not an MS. 13. She's not like trying to be a f**king gang banger. No, she was on Good Morning America. Yeah, I can probably say she's trying to be white. Plus, yes, white with a little spice to me is fine to separate herself from the masses. I get it. It would be a little weird if she trying to be a maid. You know, like she was out, pulled his wife, Hilaria, pretending to be a maid. And she was like, You know, like that would be, I guess where it gets dicey is Alec Baldwin met her in a restaurant, and she's pretend she's Spanish and doesn't know who he is. Look, I'm not from here. I don't know who you are. Well, he's also a psychopath, right? So I mean, who does he think he's attractive? But also when they lay down at night, could have been together for like f**king 12 years. You know, damn well, he was like, Oh, this b***h isn't from Spain. Ha ha ha. Right now, he's punched her in the face. He's definitely bitter. But this. Alexandra Lee caps is by far the worst because she made this entire thing up. But then people started digging into John Roderick was the bad guy, and he had a bunch of like anti-Semitic tweets and stuff. This one right here, he replied to someone who said the fourth has been perverted by activist Jew and mud people. Apologies. Now that it's heating up. Yeah, that's not even really a joke. No, no. That's pure racism. That's real. Hey, that's a philosophy. Yeah, that's bad. Now he's also best friends with the guy from Jeopardy, who is also taking some heat for saying some racist. Oh, he's he's. Jennings does a podcast. He does a podcast with Ken Jennings. And then, yeah, some people like Ken Jennings has like off color tweets. Nothing like that. No, like, there's no humor in that. His was about gays. And I mean, mentally, this just got deleted. His Twitter John Roderick. He got rid of his Twitter. He had another one, he said, and I'm quoting him. I object to people who say, or to the people who say object. When I say gay or r****ded, it just reminds me how gay or gay and r****ded they are. Yeah, it's tough how they're gay, r****ded or something. Yeah, that's I mean, that's just kind of stupid. He's get a job. He's good at. Jeopardy is like that. That's a little wild. Yeah. Yeah, too much. So are we leaning back towards being bad? Is the worst? No, no, no. It's not until the monarch made the entire situation up and then decided to go to Twitter to get like, Yeah, no, she's still worse. All right, let's move on to a rip my drip. This one's really involved kind of goes back to us. So rip, my drip. I get it. It's not their clothes, right? I didn't know you're you're from, you know? Listen, thank God, I don't want to do that one year of community college. Rip my career. Understand you don't talk money. I don't know what you mean. My career. Me and my fame get word, though, and rock will now leave my career. Yo, what's up king in the sting? This is Mike here at my bike shop in downtown Denver, Colorado, called Bike Shop on 21st and Curtis. This is rip my trip. Go ahead and check this out this far, far straight from the 90s edition. All right. Vintage of vintage. We got the Movado on. We got the Andy Bowers. You've got the Timberlands on. All right. Now this special shirt right here, Scott, a little hidden pocket right here for your lighter whatever you need. That'll make em like this anymore. Look at the cut. See that because he hangs down. That'll make em like this anymore, man. Is it? And I'll check these out, right? My rip, my drip shoes right here. And these are nineteen ninety six pack a Reebok collaboration for the 1996 All-Star NBA Game. Can't you just come on, bro? Come on and join me next time for a little bit of a tune. My room where you guys helped me, you know, add patients to my room and stuff like that. I got a collection of stairs. Before we go the hold up, we got that twenty fifth anniversary vintage 1990 Disney Original comes back. As part of my collection, I got the feeling I was that bad. It's getting worse and worse. Yeah, like incredibly quickly getting I'm like, OK, you know? Oh, all right. Well, he just looks shopped at TJ Maxx Express, the old chain 25th anniversary Disney World thing. I mean, it's just no excuse for that. There's no excuse for that. The whole app is just a hot mess. 1996 was the best year of his life because 25 years ago was when the packaging is sure to like, you know, making a murderer on Netflix. Yeah, a shirt that will, like a member of the family, wears to court. You know, the like a Disney. Sure, the lawyers like, Yeah, we can do anything. Do you have a partner up? They're like, You wear anything and these are getting me this Phat Farm button up. You know, I just just wear the Disney shirt. Yeah, that Phat Farm denim. Whenever you see somebody in a denim shirt, you go, This is someone. No, I like denim. No, I like it, though. Yeah, like that. You can't do denim with denim, with jeans. So well, you can't do a. I just feel like I feel like when I see a big guy, maybe it's me. When I see a big guy in a denim jacket, I go, There's a guy that needs a cop present to see his daughter. There's a visitation or right through this. Yeah, that that's what I consider to be good. No. Like, I'll pick up a fat guy denim jacket. Oh, got guys. You like denim jacket? I love denim. I can't. Maybe I should get in a denim. I think you like Sweden denim. I might. You know, too many people have dissuaded me from denim. Yeah, you're hanging out the right people, man. So I could pull off if you took a black denim jacket. Oh yeah, you look sweet in that. Wow. Yeah, you look sick in that. All right. You know, I might be doing that. The video you did as the influencer, I mean, I look great didn't look bad. No, I look where video is it? I looked f**king amazing. What's the title of it? I don't know if it has a title. I mean, there is a title. I don't. I don't remember it. It's on my YouTube or something. How long it goes? Yeah, I mean, I look dope. I look dope. As far as look how dope I like, I looked up in the paper. I look sad, but I look. I just graduated. I go, Yeah, well, I was giving out mustard to homeless people because like a lot of these? Kids are given out like bottles of water and shipped to homeless people with a honey Dijon. Yeah, it was. No, it was nice. It was like, I don't know, it was like a straight monster. It was like a stone ground. That's not bad, not bad, but that they put him in. When I put it on, dude, a black guy came up to eBay because you look flies. f**k right now, dude, I never felt better in my life. He goes, The fit is fresh and do. There was like little kids looking at me like, f**k yeah, man. Like, Stay cool, dude hypes peace. I didn't know this. There's hype. Sort of like for like, Oh yeah, hype these. So like literal children that are like in f**kin bait. Yeah. Like 12 years old. It babe, it's real. They've been waiting for like nine hours to get a shirt so they could resell it. But it's like, I feel you'd look cool in a black denim jacket. And some like Dad Yeezys. Yeah, I might do that, dude. I would f**k me. I'll get you those. Yeezy's just as a friend. I appreciate what size you were. 13. You were 13. 13. So do I. You can eat you. I'll do it. I'm going back to BAPE, I think I'm going to go back to get another I want another husband and they're not cheap. They're like four fifty now. And you know, it's crazy. The hood is so big that it looks like it. Have them all on it. Yes. And it's got this big alien in the back, dude. But I don't know. It's like you put one of those on. You're like, Oh yeah, f**k it, I could be this person now. It's kind of cool, but until you can drop an envelope, yeah, you're like, I could just say the N-word and drive around. It's going to be like when Crystal told rappers not to drink. The CEO told him not to drink it. They're going to ask you to stop wearing it because it's a bad look for him. Right? Right? Think it's a good look for them, though? Did that whole new audience? It's for, well, babe, it's really just for like f**king fat hippies. That's what they bought it for. Crazy hype. It's real. Yeah, out of shape, boys. Yeah, it's like not, you know, this guy's got relationship advice. And I said eyebrows from Colorado shout out Brennan. Here's, I guess, the Bay Club sex relationship advice right now. I'm currently talking to this girl, so I hope no one watches the show that I know. Anyways, I'm currently talking to this girl and we're only 18. OK, and her body count or whatever you want to call it, hookups is seven. So like from a girl's perspective, Kat, like one number is too high for you to like, kind of like steer you away or just like, what are you guys thoughts on that in general? You guys just think I love the show. OK, well, he looks thirty eight. Yeah, usually every bit of 30 for number one. Look, every bit of divorce. The fact you're 18 is terrifying. You don't need to focus on anyone's body count. You need to just focus on the fashion. You are lying about your age and no one is buying it. No smoking by the 80. What are you? The 18 year old girls? Seven. Do this doesn't seem like it's that much. Maybe it is. I don't know. But that's what kids do. Especially like how teen euphoria, you know, transgenders and dad's f**king like. It's it's a lot. It's what they do. XY, they f**k each other. It's like shaking hands. They don't care. Seven Ain't s**t. Yeah, relaxed. Also, you want a 70 and you better be happy too, which can get better. Be happy she's calling you back. Yeah, it's what they do, man. It's what kids do these days. Seven. And she's 18, he said. Yeah, that's no big deal. You don't look too. And it also you want to test drive the car and you just want to commit to a car without test driving it. Also that you're 21 years old was like, there's something wrong. It's like 21 Jump Street or something. Yeah. Let's move on some king. Interesting. It's. What our boys, various stars will come to you live from Minneapolis, Minnesota, we are here on the ice with, I think, ice king interstate skating on a pond when it gets cold enough. I like a a deal, got them skinny a*s legs, so you probably can't hang with it. And brand new way to be if you find yourself some slick s**t like this. So let me know what you think. Culture, culture and much love gang ice skate skate. We all know like a high boy on the on the pond. Yeah, man, that guy is f**king he is talking. He's talking black God love and he does it well, like he does it well. We're it's like you. It's OK. Somehow that's OK. Like if a white woman dresses like a cow or an Indian. A coach, however, does not put like a white guy can be like, God, get with it. We win it. We win it on ice. Some sun, I'll be like with it. I'd be like gang gang. Boom, boom. Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug. I knew where Giovanni at the fake. What was that with that dude? This Burberry's? Yeah. BRB. The Fake Bourbon fake Burberry scarf. And he's just like that color jacket is out of control and he's just like on a lake in Minnesota. God bless him. He's like a good guy. How does like a guy who's a good guy? How do we know it's fake? Because that does look like a rich neighborhood in Minnesota does well, it's it's fake or it's his mother's. We're trying to help him. But might isn't returned to his father. Is that talk? And she's literally like, Where's my scarf? And he's like, You know, I need that fit. Also, you know, my son, he calls her son, he's like, Yes, I need a fish. She's like, My name is your mother, I'm your mom, I'm your mother, and you can't call me b***h. And yeah, you need to get a job and not skate on that lake by our house all day. It's embarrassing. You get back on the f**king Zamboni. Yeah, he is at a nice neighborhood in Minnesota. Nick does Minnesota. All looks the same. It's like upper upper middle class, I guess. Those houses are only $5. Yeah, that's a nice neighborhood. Those houses are one hundred and thirteen dollars on a lake. This guy's been out of rehab for like two weeks. He's like, I feel good. I got that fair. I'm on ice. But ice skating. Do you have you guys done it as a dial? f**k ice skating on a random, y'all and f**king I'm with him. I'm too big for that man. Minnesota, what are you going to? Forelimb is going to be rescued by a bunch of Somalis because it's a huge population. They are the captain now. Yeah, I don't know, man. Hard pass from me. Stinging, stinging ice skating stage to today's king. 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Join the health experts athlete's health conscious go getters around the world who make a daily commitment to their health every frickin day again. All you got to do Good athletic greens.com/ cats. Get your free year supply of vitamin D five free travel packs today. Athletic greens.com/ cats. Listen man, y'all be crazy. A lot of y'all get sad. 2020 2021 is here. Let somebody help you. I'm not talking about your buddy who's all you know. Reading a lot of books thinks he can help you out. His life is in shambles. His light bill got cut off. Nope, don't do that, man. Start talking to a licensed professional term, a better help. They're going to assist you with your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist, right? You can start communicating under 48 hours, not crisis lines, not self-help. We're talking about real professional counseling done securely on line service available worldwide. Dog World Freakin wide. Log on any time. Send a message. Your counselor. Whatever you got going on, they're going to help you out. But help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, so they make it easy and free to change counselors if not feeling the one they prescribe to you. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling. Financial aid is available. Better help once you start living a happier life today. All right. In fact, so many people have been using better help. They're recruiting an additional counselors in all 50 states. Special offer. Are you king and the swing listeners get 10 percent off your first month at BetterHelp.com/ cats, BetterHelp.com/ cats? Uh, let's see. Clearly, this guy was that looks like to follow. It looks like a domestic terrorist. Clearly, this guy's a fan of Jerry Garcia ice cream as well. And Theo, it's your boy, Chris. Happy Davis from St. Louis, Missouri. Got a king? Interesting it for you. The good old Grateful Dead. There you go. Brennan, I know you folks with them. Yeah, yeah, they're great. But for you, what's your opinion? Buzz, buzz. Jerry Garcia is not here, but his brother has a tattoo on his chest. Feel like the dad, right? Who has a problem with the Grateful Dead? Have you ever listen to music, though? Yeah, it's the songs are 80 minutes long. They're very long because you got to be on drug you really high. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, have you been to a concert? Grateful Dead. No. Be a hard pass for me. I love their shoes. The clubs they did with the Nike dunks are great. I love their merch. Songs are too long. You got to be on drugs to get down with the concerts. Also, how did Jerry Garcia die? I was obese, but. You know, I have no clue. I'm not a big I just think he was old, it ran its course. I don't. He died pretty young heart attack. And then John Mayer was they took over the band. You know how that cream kid took over journey? Saw John Mayer did with, you know. Oh yeah. A Filipino dad was never my favorite. I was always more like, I like the WHO or the Rolling Stones or the Beatles, more so than the Dead Sea. Now, Charles Manson would say otherwise. Everyone thinks his big Beatles fan. He was a big, Grateful Dead fan interest. Why? I know that. I don't know. Just. What our brand and what a field cat. Nick Chapelle Chin, what's up, everybody? I go looking for Steve for you've been out here, one of these grocery games shopping for people out here at the grocery store. I want to hear what you guys, the Wal-Mart store and paying for somebody to go get your own groceries. Love the show, guys. Take it easy. You mean like Postmates? Yeah, yeah. Like Postmates groceries, Amazon delivery me king undercutting it like a major sector of the economy now? Yeah. What does this guy do? He's like he was staying at drinking water. You guys think. Yeah, killer staying at seeing a movie in a theater, it's like, Yeah, we're that's pretty much an accepted way of doing business. Those are the type of ones we get. Yeah. I'm sorry. No one else is here now. I realize how important it is to have all the other people here, but I'm paranoid about corona and every show I do a Brendan. He's got 35 Asian people here in the room like we really need that L.A. is literally burning down, but Asians are fine. How long? I know, but I know. But that's why they'll give it to me. They're all immune. I'll give it to me. I just don't need it. I don't need 15 beats Koreans in here while I'm performing. Thank. I know. That's all respect. I'm either with Asians or black. Yeah, it's always some minority that's being disproportionately affected by Dolphin. Brand is like, Yeah, we're we're just doing it. You know, we've got 19 producers. They all take the bus here. Like, I'd rather not thank you. I'd rather not come from Chinatown. Yeah, Chinatown, they're fine. They've all had it 19 times. I'm like, That doesn't make me feel good. It 50 times they were taking lunch orders. Now you go with bat soup. Yeah, so well, you know, I apologize. I see that there's an investment these people want them to answer. I get it, but I'll try to answer for all of them. Yeah, please do. We have. I mean, Postmates is. What is the world? Yes, the world. General point. I mean, come on. Oh yeah, man. It's nice. I'm f**king killing it, man. That's what we have to do to Brandon, the rest of the crew. What's going on? It's your boy. Clay from Ohio. I got a king to sing it for you. I just went and dropped my buck off at the old taxidermy to get it done, you know, and I start coming down the hill, realize I'm going the wrong way. So I'm like, All right, I'll turn around. I got to turn around snowy here in Ohio. I get stuck in the man's driveway, OK, and I'm screwed by myself, so I'm trying to push it out. I'm hot. A flustered, I'm pissed off. Either way, this nice gentleman pulls up. I'm standing on the corner like a dude, like a prostitute, as Neil would say. And he's like, You need some help. Of course I do. Man, can't you see that I'm pushing my bedroom? And yeah, so the dude jumps out of the car. Key looks like Joe Exotic from Tiger King, but hey, I'm not judging. I'm in a tough spot. So either way, the man pulls me out. We're good to go. I'm glad you didn't ask me to come over anything like that. That'd be weird. Either way, casting it, helping people on the side of the road, would you stop or wouldn't you stop? Yang Gang was the entire audience going to coming back from rehab? Yeah, they're after your fans. This is every archetype a person I was in rehab with. What the f**k they're like in this thing in helping ladies cross the road? Yes or no? I mean, I'm like, I don't know, man, I don't. I don't have any skills to help people on the side of the road. I don't drive a pickup truck. What do you want me to do? It's also dicey helping people these days. Is it a setup? I've seen too many first. Forty eight. I think it. Somebody's going to f**k him. He's going to go ahead and try to f**k me. You think that could have been awkward? Yeah, it could have been weird. You know, I'm just on the side of the road looking f**king pretty damn good in my f**king weird farmer shirt and my hoodie and my backwards hat. And, you know, thinking about why I f**king got fired from Perkins last week. It's like a Middle America IRA. I know Perkins. Yeah, he's like, I thought, I think you wish that you were different paths. That was my first job. But do burgers cause you pie with no matter what you order, you order pancakes the morning you get a free pie. It's nice. Wow, they've gone out of business. I think that's what I go on the road. I would just eat it. Perkins, early in the day, just go to bed for like five hours and then wake up and like to know where I was. I'm like. And I'm like, I have a show in an hour and a lemon meringue pie. Yeah, just eating f**king French silk pie of all the chain diners I liked. I'm proud of Perkins. It is this show. He's out here. Sean, is this great strawberry? Yeah, yeah. No. And Coco's on higher end. What about you? You're not helping anyone on the street. No, I'm just seeing if I'm in, if it's like a dudes, dude and like his is f**ked up and it's like, we're in the middle of nowhere, I help him out. It's like off sunset. It's too dicey, man. Like, call f**king Triple H, dude. So if I'm with my kids, I'm not stopping man. Again, I've seen way too much cold cases in the first 48 too much. I know how this ends, but I'm not going to assume everybody's trying to f**k me like. Is gay, right? This guy has a lot of. Yeah, take it easy, Bubba. And I think there's part of him that wanted to the guy wanted to write again and ask you to come over. That was weird. I I wouldn't have done it, but I just would have appreciated you. The ask, you know, I wanted to see what I was made of. I the other day on New Year's Eve day, I went to the bank and it was closed. U.S. Bank and so. And find this picture. There is this old couple there. They didn't speak like great English, they were Russian and they were like, super bummed out, like she looked like she was going to cry because it was called. I was like, I'm going to the other one, like on Larchmont or something. You guys want to come with me like, Oh yes, they were all excited. And then that one was close. We ended up being in the car for like an hour. They rob, you know, they were just a really nice old Russian couple who lived in Ohio for a while, Lisa and Gary. They were really nice people. I actually have a picture of us, but so I can see that person. It's a cute picture. Let me be. I mean, obviously, King helping people. Oh, wow, there's Lisa and Gary there. What are you? What are you doing with them? We went to the bank. And why? I don't know. They really needed to deposit a cheque. We also have an idiot accountant who can't do direct deposits for some. Really, I don't know. It's nice change to nice. Yeah, you do that. I guess. Do you give him a ride back? How to get back? Yeah, I give him right, but I would never do that. But yeah, I just trust them. Sometimes I see an elderly person struggling and I stare at them and Tim keeps things it. Yeah, I yeah, I don't trust anybody. So stay. Yeah. Sorry, Clay. All right. There, King, interesting it. Do. What's up? All right. My name is John John from Scottsdale, Arizona. And I have a king at our sing it for you. So a little backstory. I was in the Peace Corps, living in Swaziland prior to COVID and out there I just stopped giving a f**k about body hair. So she got her stinger girls with armpit hair. Oh oh, oh oh all right. Ding ding. Buzz buzz. Oh ! Hard pass is disgusting. Again, are you Manson's favorite girl in the troupe? What are you doing, man? Yeah. Armpit here for women. That's the one thing that I would, she said. My Peace Corps, how hot you are if you have here. Oh, no pants. I'm out and that's a pretty girl. I'm out. I'm out of. Hard f**kin pass couldn't sting that hard enough. What about men, what about Harry mentum, I mean, like Harry? No, not really, but I mean, men have hair, which is normal. Yeah, but if it just too much hair is not good. Yeah. Like a Harry rush. Yeah, I like the opposite of me, so I don't want like a hairy person. I don't want Russians, either. Can't trust them. That's fair. They don't have souls. Russians have beautiful eyes like huskies. Yeah, there's nothing behind them yet. After years of cold blue eyes, hundred years of forced atheism, they don't have any souls. But yeah, women with armpit hair. And I'm like, kind of disturbed by that little pool pride into it. Man care. That's disgusting. Oh my God. Theo's cousin. What's up, Brennan? What's up? Yo, what's up? Culture for Fat Chin? We all had to be club for you. We're talking. Chopsticks would be sushi hitters. Great things going on with our hands. I mean, for me, I'm saying, forget these are what's going on with my hand. Of course you are not engaged. Looks like an extra. Stranger Things. Yeah, he looks like the guy that wasn't good-looking enough to get the Stranger Things wrong, and he's now ate sushi. Like, he's like, Well, I had a trip to L.A. that was pretty cool. Like, he's the guy that they bring out for Stranger Things that one of the directors goes, Are you hi putting him? And they can't like you said, earthy, real and they're like, too real, too earthy and someone else. Yeah, I like chopsticks. I do, too. Yeah, they're pretty f**king easy to figure out. But also, where's he eating indoor? It has to be Florida. Oh, he's not out here. No. Yeah, that was the weird thing when I was in Florida, looking at these savages inside restaurants, eating like, yeah, people, whatever, it just it's weird. Look, it's weird, man. I guess people just don't care. And then I get it because people have to go out and work right. And the government didn't give anyone any money. You know, I don't know. It's just I just know that there is a lot of weird s**t going on with this where it's like, I don't know what this is. Have you talked to Alex Jones about the conspiracy of COVID yet? I think a lot of people think it's he gets way too deep, but I think a lot of people think it's just something that was made in a lab. I don't even think that's a controversial statement. No, I think they traced back to being made in a lab in China, and it just got out, cut out. And it's like, it's f**king weird, you know, and it's, you know, it's disturbing, but what kind of f**king savage eats sushi with their hands? My dad does. I mean, he has nine fingers, all Amakhosi's sushi. When they bring it out like one at a time, you're supposed to eat it with your hand. Oh, really? Japanese high end chop it like it is like Japanese. You know sushi is supposed to eat with your hand. It's like, that's part of what it is. You know, however, when you're eating rolls like that, take your hand out of the plate. Don't touch all the resubmission. Moscow's like your hand. Or are you done? What are you doing? What are you doing? Get your f**king get your commit. Take your f**king MIT out of the sushi bar. OK? OK. My girlfriend is allergic to all fish, so we can never get sushi. Oh, interesting one of your tenants and she's Asian do really well. What kind of Asian Vietnamese? That's the low rent, still low rent. It's China and Japan, like Japan, China, Korea. And then you start calling like Philip. Well, not Philippines is the final one, but it's like Vietnamese and then like Burma. And then like the like the Philippines, like the Philippines. And by the way, that's not me. That's that's for aspiration. I'm not on my best days. I have no opinion. I don't care. It's all the same to me, which invalidated China's. And here's a bit of Philippines. Remember, there was a tsunami and no one cared about this tsunami. The Philippines was destroyed and it was like, Shut the f**k up. No one cares. Like, All right, that's what everyone goes and host, like kiddie porn websites. I mean, just from other Asians history, this is what I've been told are facts. Mm-Hmm. Jin confirmed it. And speaking of the government not giving these businesses money in like three minutes, we're going to have Dave Portnoy on to talk about the small his barstool fund, right? I've seen Tim tweet about it. That's not good enough for me. It's amazing that the media doesn't cover because he's doing a lot of great s**t, and it's just amazing that the media doesn't cover it all the time, like every day. I'm really hoping it passes. Twenty seven million, that's what Guy Fieri raised at the beginning of the pandemic for NBC, and he's keeping like restaurants and stuff open. Is that what he's doing with it? Yeah. Like people are just like getting nominated or nominating their own business, and they're kind of like giving a number of how much they need to like, run it out for a couple of months. And then yet that's just one business after another and like zero administration costs. So everything that's donated are those frauds that Ruth Chris being like, We need help, man. We need 50 million. Yeah, probably. They have some way of it's like the rules are, you've got to be small business. I think it's certain number of employees and then you have to have your payroll on. So it's not just like the owners that are reaping the benefits. That's cool. But you like Ruth's Chris, don't you? No, no. That's the one I don't like with Chris. I love corporate. Gotta get kicked out of Ruth's Chris. No, I don't have that. No, it's pretty basic, but I love you like I love capital grill. Capital Grill spent the walkies. Fleming's all that s**t. I love just the ocean prime, the archetype of a corporate steakhouse, a nameless, faceless corporate entity that has hot rolls, steak sides. That's what I like. Self-disclose. Love it. Love it. You get your filet. Go, you go. I go wherever I like New York New York Strip is my favorite cut bone in New York. Strip ribs are too fatty flavor to lean a bone in New York strip is perfect where all the flavors that flavorful the bones, the key man. That's where all the flavor comes from. Yes, and I'm f**king starving. So we got we have Portnoy coming on to talk about raising more money. Yeah, we got a lot of hot chick as this episode. Yeah, Tim comes on and all the chicks come out. This is a I believe a man. Please don't have it. Hey, Brendan, hi3 must be enough from Minneapolis. Nick, shout out fellow human alum Skye. You my baby. Go go. I got a debate. So back in the day, as a kid, when you went to the dentist, you had to do those awful fluoride trays and they would offer you different flavors. Were you the type of kid that played it safe and went with mint? Or did you pick an exotic flavor like banana split or bubblegum? I did. I always picked orange. That was my personal favorite, but I want to know what's better. Play it safe with mint or pick one of the fun flavors. Gang, gang. Those guys make me feel you're not supposed to swallow it. I went grape every time I did apple cinnamon. Apple cinnamon, yeah. Oh, it's kind of weird. That is kind of weird, but grape, I thought was the absolute worst grape is horrible. Yeah, I went with grape every time. For some reason, it's no good. Apple cider was not good either. Yeah. No good. And they're all pretty sour and mint is rough. And why can't I f**kin swallow it, man? Why was it such a big deal if I swallow that s**t? Yeah, it is crazy. They put something in your mouth that you're not supposed to be able to swallow. I don't think I still do that bulls**t trays anymore, do they? Trees like the floor, I I think that's a thing of the past. Possibly, I don't know. But now I want it now, I kind of actually miss it. Now that we talked about it, I kind of actually want it. When's the last time you guys had your teeth cleaned? Do you go? Last year I went, and I'm trying to think where I got it, where where was? I got it. I was in L.A. Did you have any problems? I was in New York. I was in New York for a week and I got a dentist and I had no cavities or anything. Wow. I went probably eight years ago and she goes, Man, you have you genetically. Your teeth are amazing because I haven't gone to the dentist forever, and she has a really clean. And I went, Oh, you f**ked up. I haven't been back since. I just I just my dad. Once in the 80s, he went in and they're like, Yeah, it's like four grand and you just got up and said, f**k you, I like eating four grand with a work where there's like, f**k you, they're like, No, no, you need no. You really need it. Yeah, I f**ked up. I could add braces. My grandma would have sacrificed and like, paid for him, but I was like, I don't want to go through middle school with braces, but now I have Fairpoint. I'm an adult. How about how bad you get in this one? I don't think it'll work now because I have a bridge. I had the accident. I spoke about one time on here where I rip my tooth out on a basketball net. So now these two never heard that story. These three teeth are all connected. Oh, it's it's a bridge. So I know Invisalign for you. One day I want to do just hit up Joe Cody's doctor. He said it was sixty grand. He has perfect teeth. Sixty grand, every tooth like implant, perfect like out, and they get a fight down the teeth for veneers, Bubba. They had a file them down. It's a little insane. Yeah. And then you look ridiculous with these f**kin big pearly whites that they can. They can like kind of yellow them a little bit. They look natural. I don't know. His teeth look great one day. Well, did you do veneers to him? Maybe just to make it easy. Yeah, I still want them to find my teeth down. How's life out there in New York City? My man sucks. Is it bad? I I heard it's better than L.A., though all my buddies back to L.A. That was worse actually when I was there, but that was before they canceled indoor dining. Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just surprised to hear that. Which leads us to you launching this whole kind of fundraiser to help out these small businesses. How did this idea come about? We did a little background on it, but I want to hear it from the horse's mouth. Yeah. So you know, I was rant and rave in which I tend to do. And it was actually I was at the pool in Miami. It was when indoor dining got shut down in New York, and I went out and made like an Instagram video, basically just saying I don't understand what they expect is small businesses, specifically restaurants, bars to do because there are already on their last legs and now you're not letting them do indoor dining. It's the middle of winter in New York. So what's going to happen? You got to do one thing. Let them open up and serve. Or you got to give them a lot of money from the government or else they're just going out of business. So that was the gist of the rant. And then I got challenged. Basically, it's like this guy. Marcus Lemonis was like a big mouth. Put your money where your mouth is if you're going to talk about it. So that's what we did. So I donated 500 grand to what we call the Barstool Fund, and we said, Hey, if you're a small business owner and you need help, contact us. And then we basically solicited donations from our readers. I Twitter shamed some of my friends who are wealthy, and we've raised about 18 million, 18 five and about, I don't know, 12 days or something and all these submissions and we record the videos. Yeah, of us telling them and it's kind of taken on a life of its own. And how do you vet the small businesses that get it? Because I'm sure the some shysters out there? Yeah. You know, so here's the process. We get emails. And there's two requirements. One, you've got to prove you're running a successful business before the pandemic, and then we assume you can go back to it after and your payroll has to be on still paying employees. So those are the two things we look for and then we get emails with the stories videos. We have a team led by this woman, Liz Gonzales, who goes through it. It escalates up to me. We talk to the people. Would you tell would I be shocked in the span of doing that, I think we've done 75 businesses or something so far that one or two slipped through. It could happen, but I mean, our finance team follows up, asked for all the paperwork, tax, rent, everything like that. But there's no charity in the history charities, I don't think that hasn't been, you know, stolen from or whatever. I'll take those odds. Is it surprise you that the media is not covering this because it's probably the most successful effort to help small businesses during the whole pandemic? And it just seems like the media should be reporting on this all the time, and it doesn't seem like that's the case. Does that surprise you? Yeah, they don't give a f**k. Yeah, they seem to not give a f**k. Is that or is it or is there more of them caring than I see and I haven't seen? I've seen, like Fox, you went on Fox, but I feel like this is all this does is help small business owners. So, you know, this is the people that these people pretend or should care about. I feel like they should report on this all the time. Yeah. So Fox has covered it and covered it a decent amount. And then the local like affiliates of ABC or Fox, like if we if a small business is in, you know, Arkansas, the local station will do it. The national besides Fox has been very little. And it's stupid, like I did tweet something out, CNN, like had a tweet that Beyonce had donated, like I think it was 500 grants at one hundred $5000 grants. So it came out to half a million dollars, basically, which is great and it should everything should get publicity. They haven't mentioned it once. And to me, sometimes I think rightly or wrongly, people think I'm political. I always say, I don't really think I am. I hate the far left. I hate the far right. But in this case? It doesn't like we're helping all sorts of business, I don't know what their politics. Just the more publicity we get, the louder we can bang the drum, the more donations come in, the more people we can help. And we're never going to have enough money to help all the businesses. We're getting 10000 emails. So to me, yes, if you care about small business at all, you should publicize it can only help. Do you do you believe in the conspiracy that they're trying to get rid of, you know, those small businesses? That's that's the government's agenda. A lot of people say that, and maybe I'm naive, but I can't believe that that is such a. Preposterous thing that like I don't believe, like the vaccine is putting like chips and people, you know, I I can't get my head there to think there's somebody who would want to put out a business that has been passed down generations for like 50 years like that person. If that's true, you should be executed. I think it makes more sense that they're just idiots and they're enforcing this shutdown a very sloppy and uneven way. And it's hurting a lot of people, correct? I think there's no grand design. I don't think there's a grand conspiracy or a plan. I think they're stupid. They're just idiots and they're out of touch. I don't think they have any clue how affected people really are like egotistical, selfish, self-absorbed people in general, right? And like, there's so many side agendas and so much self-interest. And that's the problem. And that's why something like we get the money, we get it and that's all we care about. So politics sucks. I mean, that's I don't think that's a news flash and all they care about is themselves, you know, staying in power. And that's it. Yup. Who do you? Who's mayor you think is worse ours here with Newsom? Or do you think that L.A. Guy Kenneth in New York? I sucked. You know, they bolt on things that I don't know how. They can look themselves in the mirror to a degree like when Newsome's like, you can't go out and he goes the French Laundry, it's like, Right? What the f**k are you doing? And that's not again political. That's like what an a*****e is writing books about how f**king terrifically he handled this pandemic in the middle of the pandemic. The city's locked down. Like, what are you doing? He just won an Emmy. He won an Emmy Emmy for killing all possible. How about refuse the Emmys? Yeah. And by the way, we're a small company and we've pivoted to doing this. But if you have the money, don't have the money for small business like the government could set up a charity and get a ton of not charity, but like a foundation. People donate, put a ton of people going through it effectively to find out who's eligible. Like, how do you not think of that right? I don't think people would trust the government if they said they were going to do that. I mean, that's why yours is so successful because people know where that money's going to go. And if people trust you guys will do a lot better of a job finding actually worthy businesses. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot out there and it's. So the first time we did it, like the first company in one of them, basically the person Liz, who goes to the email, she like this person singled out that they really like Barstool and they're a fan of yours. It'd be really cool if you just called and delivered the news. So I did, and I faced time and they broke down and I wasn't recording it. But it was pretty obvious, like, OK, I got to record this because it was like very visceral. The reaction? Yeah. And that's what is moving. The donations these videos is pretty, you know, I'm not the most like sensitive guy, but if you watch the videos, it's hard not to be like, OK, I want donate to this because you can see the weight being like lifted. They're breaking down. So how do you? Have you decided to help any larger businesses like Chipotle or Starbucks or chase Manhattan traffic? I mean, they need help to I mean, everybody's suffering, right? Ruth, Chris. Nike Yeah. No, no. None of those have received help to you. I was just in. I was in Florida last week on tour. You were in Miami last week. I don't know how bad it is in New York, but it was weird seeing how Florida, there's just a different breed man like they were eating in restaurants there. You know, I was getting yelled at because I had a mask on. It was strange. So I've been in Miami for every like big event recently, like Super Bowl, Art Basel, you name, and I've been there was never busier than it was. This degree agree. It was because everyone's leaving everywhere else. So it's like, Get me out of New York, get me out of L.A. There's people from all over there. I mean, it was madness. Do you think something happens after this pandemic when New York and L.A. are in the center of the universe anymore? And do you see other cities in the country kind of becoming more interesting and especially if they raise taxes? You think, you know, there's more of an entrepreneurial culture might be in a place like Boston or Nashville or Florida? Yes, yes, I do. And I don't know if that's the goal. To a degree, it's insane, but I think there's a real chance that, you know, Miami and in the mayor there certainly realizes it as wildly aggressive, trying to get companies to go there. You hear everyone going to Austin Nashville. Yeah. David level, it's like it seems like a New York or in L.A. doesn't want business, right? Yeah, it's very strange. And they don't they don't care when people leave, when these huge businesses leave, they'll just they're complacent. They've been too big for too long. And I don't think they, you know, it's like, you know, somebody that's making money for so long. They've forgot like the, you know, the ingredients, the fabric successful. Yeah. Dave, have you thought about leaving New York at all? Because in L.A., it's a s**tstorm like all our friends left me and Tim are the only ones like, Yeah, we're it. That's it. Yeah, no, I. So I'm going back to Miami today and I'm debating getting a place there. But what would you move the whole Barstool operation down there? My taxes would, but I if enough people here are like, Yeah, we're behind it. Me personally, I don't do seconds, but I'm not going to make like everybody relocate out there. But if people like, yell, I'm down for it. I mean, the tax difference I people every single day. Now that I've become a little more successful at Barstool, we're like, You're an idiot. Like the tax. You're getting murdered in taxes for what it's like. It's so much cheaper in Florida and the weather and the girls and everything else. Fair point. Yeah, it's just better. Well, great, that's a great f**king thing you're doing, and I I wish that. What can people do if they want to give you money? So everything is at Barstool Fund? Com, That's both. If you are struggling business, you can submit an application. We look for a video, tell your story and as a form, give us all the info. And if you want donate, it's there as well. And the thing that just keep stressing, we've raised a lot. Relatively speaking, but it's really a little for the need. So every dollar matters. And the beauty, I think what we're doing and why we're doing it, we get the money and we get it out like this within 72 hours of us contacting the business. The money is in their account. We're not going away after one month. We're there till the pandemic is done because what's the point of giving somebody money? And then three months later, they're in the same spot. So it is a good cause. We're doing the best we can and we're helping a lot of people. You're doing the Lord's work well. We're going to I don't know if this even helps at all. We're going to donate $5000 from King in the sting to the donation that helps. Everything helps. I appreciate and I'm going to I'm going to apply for the thousands of that you donate, so I hope that we'll see what happens. Podcast needs money. Yes. Have there have have any celebrities kind of have have any celebrities jumped on board and got behind this movement yet and quite did 100 grand? It took them one second. We called them out because I know it's like, Yeah, I think I could have named a million. They would have donated it so fast. Tom Brady did it, Edelman did it. Kid Rock, unsolicited, called me out of the blue, donated one hundred grand. I was on the phone with Sylvester Stallone yesterday, so a lot are coming forward. I want Elon Musk. Well, I bet, Ellen, to do it right. Yeah. Got infinity, money is right up his alley. He just sold all his cribs in Beverly Hills. He had like three of them all next door. He sold all of them. Now he's in Texas. Yeah, I tweeted at them, but I don't know him personally. Right? I don't know. Do you know Ellen? I don't know Ellen at all. I mean, I know. I mean, I know. Do you know anyone who's like met him briefly? The closest thing to him that we know is about to sell. You could, you know, Rogan has bill for you to get him? Everyone's hit me up. It seems like right up his alley. Feel free to have him give it a shout out. Seems like something he'd be behind, too. Yeah, that's good point. Yeah. Well, we'll try. Yeah, I'll try. Ellen, I can't make any promises, but I'll text Rochelle. Yeah. All right. Well, that's good enough. Yeah. How have you been able to do your your pizza previews show that that never ends. Those are daily still going. You've had no problem finding spots and s**t now because you can still get the pizza there now. I'm jealous of that man because I do a food show. But it's not just me. I have to have guests on because of COVID. It's been a nightmare. Have you have you buried the hatchet with Bryce Hall? I know that you guys. He's the softest human of all. He's a tick time. I really like. I've never seen a guy with thinner skin in my life. He's got to. Have you had a great point? You go, you got a hot girlfriend. You got all the money. You just enjoy life, right? Yeah. Oh, girls, that we said he look like Sid from Ice Age. He's acting like we called him Hitler. Makes no sense. Yeah, yeah. Young kids. But it's funny. That's a funny podcast he does with. He does a podcast with like a young Dave does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great talker. Yeah, but it's interesting. The TikTok world's weird, right? But the strange worlds you boys got into it. It's a very interesting world. They're like, they're megastars. They're like, massive crazy. Yes. And how long does it last? Gave another another 11 months? I don't know. I mean, I think the big ones are here to stay. They might be Ray that the Melo's. Yeah, Josh, but the Vine stars beg to differ. Yeah, yeah. But if you look like Logan and Logan Paul and Jake Paul, they're minors. There's there's yeah, that's figured it out. I think that Q Josh is really smart, and I think people like him will figure out a way to stick around a great. Yeah. Great. Dave, are you into like the Logan Paul Floyd Mayweather stuff in the Jake Paul fight? I am all right, so I thought Jake Paul would lose to Nate Robinson because I was of the impression I don't care what Jake is like. Nate's a professional basketball player is athletic skill will overwhelm you when a dunk knockout. The way he did it? It's like, Whoa, what just happened? And Logan is so much bigger than Floyd, and Floyd is old now. I don't know the actual format of how it's going to be like exhibition, but I'm curious and I'm curious to see. I thought I thought Jake would fight Dillon Danis next. That's obviously a much different can of worms, but I would have been interested. I I wasn't interested in the first fight. I'll be interested in both their next me too. Me two hundred percent before we get you out here, Dave. Who do you have won the Super Bowl and aerobic sport guy bills the bills? Yeah, Josh Allen's f**king awesome stud buffalo could use that, but we could use all the help they can get. Yeah, that will be their bailout. If the bills went, that's all they care about. Hey, didn't I hear in Buffalo because, you know the bill mafia? Listen, I had a cappuccino, the Buffalo Bills. I was on the team for eight days, so I can talk like this. They I had a tryout with them anyway. The Buffalo Bills, the Bills Mafia. Didn't they threaten like the the governor Cuomo like? We have to see the game like. So I think they're allowed in like sixty five hundred people or something like that. And I'm sure the tickets are going to be insane. I don't even know, I assume their season ticket holders, I have no idea why or how that works, but yes, I heard they are requiring a COVID test and they got an official COVID test partner and you have to pay $60 to this specific COVID testing place, even though there's free ones in New York. So I know, you know, fraud with that. Yeah, yeah. Zero fraud. Dude, if if I had to get a COVID test for every single restaurant, movie theater sports yet I would get a test every single place they asked me. Yeah, yeah. Just to go. That's the world we live in. Well, great job, Dave. Thanks for doing all this. For people hoping maybe one day the government will follow in your footsteps. You know, hopefully that's the only way they're going to solve it or just open it. One of the. Yeah, well, maybe we will run into in Miami when you move operations that are my man. All right. Talk to you guys later. All right. But we help some people do that. We help some people. I think by help, I think we paid for another night on his yacht. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. All I I've always f**k with Barstool. Yeah, they're cool people. Kayla Pressly hook this up and he's he's one of the funniest guys there. He does some like just parodies of like NFL Sunday conversations, and it was a funny kid. There's this kid named Little Sasquatch on Twitter who works for that. He's kind of funny. He's funny on Twitter. Big, big cats like the most talented like we were going on and super talent. But yeah, yeah, I heard of him. But yeah, monster and the anus, guys. A new untold story. It's Kobe and Nick Tyranny. They can end whatever happened to the show. Call Call her daddy calls daddy. That's still number one. The girls split up. Sophia. The other one is she's off doing her own podcast that Scooter Braun is behind. People think. And then Alex Cooper is still killing it with her daddy. Yeah, she was great. I had them on fire and the kid was me and Santino. We didn't know who they were. They didn't know who we were. So it's awkward. She they beat her podcast like cat bar stool from laying off anybody over the pandemic because they make so much money on merch. That's why when they like had the deal where they were going to split because they wanted more money. Barstool is like, OK, once this contract is up, you can have the IP because if they didn't, if they just like, held out and didn't do podcasts over the pandemic, they would have to get it for them. They got, they got paid and the other girl did too. I think it worked out well for everybody and his other girl still with Barcelona, if she got it now, she got out. She got out. They, I heard, I heard her boyfriend. It was a bad, bad move. Yeah, bad move. Well, it worked out for everyone. Shut Dave Portnoy. Yeah. Shout out to you, man. Yeah, I got the. Yeah. Well, I'll be back next. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm trying to say, Oh, I can let the people come next week. I feel bad. I didn't realize, oh, why I fired them. I fired Approach appellant because I told them, You don't want to see their faces. Well, and I hired to pay a lot of money to not see their faces. Be very honest. You know my area. Maybe we have a white culture corner. So, Tim, feel safe. Feel more comfortable. Hey, I appreciate it. I meant, Hey, I'm in San Marcos, Texas, January 29th and 30th. So, Texas, get your mind right. All right, and get your mask. Thanks, Brandon and Theo fighter in wait, I got to go win and go hard in the paint. I do not think I am in flow, not going for coffee. I'm ready to go. I need a sponsor. I am a monster about to open up with this and my cancer's was contagious. Browser outrage is thicker than girls that are Instagram famous. Damn fool me like I'm fresh off Quito Sea of red. Like Andrew Santino, every song that hits like The Great Bambino Run in the case. So in the case of retail space, everything's gonna be fine. Hate on me. I do not mind. I feel looking like the type of do that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times. This line into my dreams. A couple of key driver couldn't beat him. Quit playing like Nintendo DS. You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz, meaning you'll end up just got my eyebrows threaded enough in an incredible Brennan Sun hit me up, he said. It's too loud in a club. Can you pick me up? And the sting came in, the sting came and the sting sting cracking skin and the sting. The truck got the cheese on a string. The sting came in this. Feasting, cracking ice and a sting came in the sting galaxies and a truck got the cheese on a string.