The Dan Abrams Podcast with James Comey

Transcript

Thanks for listening to the Adam Carolla show on PodcastOne. Finding the right person for the job isn't easy. Just ask someone who hired their personal trainer as a caterer. All right, folks, let's keep this line moving. You there with the tongue picking up on Duchess Potato at a time will not cut it at my catering table drop and give me 50. But if you've got an insurance question, you can always count on your local Geico agent. They can bundle your policies, which could save you hundreds. OK, this is what we call the while much of it's forget dip dip in price. Come on, let's get those plates above your head for expert help with all your insurance needs. Visit Geico.com slash local today. Welcome back to cruel classics for part two of today's episode. Now let's go back to July of 2015, when we had Louie Anderson on stage with us at the Hard Rock Hotel. This is a really fun show. My first time meeting Louie, I've been a big fan of him since life with Louie. That was a huge part of my childhood. I just did some research on the life of Louie. When do you think it started airing? Chief Guest. Ninety two. That's what I thought as well. Christmas 94 They premiered like a television movie. Then in June of 95, they showed the first episode, which Fox kids used to do to f**k people over. They do it usually in the morning, and then they didn't actually air the show till September. They do the same with the X-Men pilot, and people called me a liar for six months. I told them I saw it at six a.m. on a Saturday. Like that doesn't exist. So I guess they're like testing it. So it didn't actually start airing until September of 95. Like, that's the same time as King of the Hill. Wow. Yeah. For three seasons, 13 episodes a season. And Shawn Ryan, the creator of the Shield, executive producer of Buffy, like all round, like really celebrated showrunner guy like adult stuff. One of the writers of the show wrote the finale. Well, so Louie, just like kind of like Howie Mandel from my generation. Yeah, Bobby's world was first so lively. We were very similar, both excellent shows and both unique because they're about each person's childhood and how they're trying to explore as a adult comedian. But you think to be like a rip off of each other, they're very different. Yeah. Super Dave even had a show back then. People forget about it. All right. I don't. I can't even recall that there was an animated Super Dave cartoon. Oh, it was crazy and I was an adult. I can. I want to go back and watch X. I would understand it now. Yeah. So it was pretty surreal for me to meet Howie Mandel and Louie Anderson while working on the show because I knew them both as cartoons before anything. And Louie, I met in Vegas on this day, and it was so sweet because he coordinated this entire show while we were doing it live to be live streamed to veterans of wounded warriors. And he was so serious about it, and he was so generous and just wanted to make sure they got it, and it really meant a lot for him to do that. So this whole episode was being live streamed for them while we were recording it. And it's hilarious to it. It's a great episode. It's an I'm cool show. 16:16 Louie Anderson's done his homework a little bit like he knows, like some of the games like blah blah blah and stuff like it's it's a weird drive. I'm shocked. Like, Wow ! And on stage, he reminds me a lot of Jay Leno and how ready he's a professional. Yeah. And he went for some really funny stuff on this. But this is part one of the show will play in Part two tomorrow in the cool classic Sunday Feed. Make sure you subscribe. Until then, check out this first half. Rest in peace, Louie. You are hilarious. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on, no choice but to get it on mandate to get it on. Thank you guys very much for showing up tonight. I'm Adam Carolla and Louie Anderson is here tonight. Thank you so much. Gina Grad- is here now. Well, Brian is here tonight. And Joe, we're going to do some blah blah blah blogs, the good news we'll hear from some blowhard celebrities, Brian and Gina, you have stories to tell. Do not let me go the entirety of the show without telling those stories, but remind me because I'll get on a roll. Louie Anderson Great to see you, my friend to you now, Louie, by the way, and I'll give you some live dates where Louie's playing as well. But we're doing something with the wounded warriors here. The veterans, right? Out at the what? There's a company called Sonder Sound Off Experience that does silent dance parties. So they have these fantastic headphones, right? And we're streaming. This podcast to the VA hospital. So the guys who can't be here will be able to listen to this podcast, right? We love you guys. We're thinking of you. True. And so they're listening right now. Right now, they're listening. That's as if those poor bastards having suffered enough, right? Play the slow-motion helicopter before they can take the headphones off. Yeah, true. Or maybe the one guy can't. But yeah, there's two things I've learned. Any time you hear the helicopter in slow motion, not a good sign. And any time someone flicks a cigarette butt in slow motion. Not a good sign that something is going to explode or have been horribly wounded. So good. We honor those men and women and hopefully they're listening to us right now. I'm sorry to Louie backstage. You were talking about, you know, we both have done some like celebrity events. Yes, you've I've done Dancing with the Stars. You've done diving with the stars. Yeah, you were injured diving with the stars. Yes. I mean, what happened was, you have to remember. I never dove before. Well, yeah, I mean, since college. Yeah, since college. I mean, we all you make sure all American and Oregon State, right? Yes. Not since you hung up your speedo. You sure you never go on. I thought you guys had figured it out, but obviously you're still wearing it now. So you just grew around your speedo. So yes, I guess it's like, well, now once in a while, like every time you try it, there's a tree and it's leaning over and you put a rope around and you try to pull it in and then you come back a year later and the tree has grown around the rope. Yeah, that's what happened with Louis in a speedo. Back in the summer of 77, I believe I was back at Oregon State. But so you're you're you did the diving with the stars? I did. And so I was diving. You know, there was six weeks training. Sure. Believe it or not, I say, you need at least a month and a half. This is dangerous. Yeah, but there we gave him six weeks. Go ahead. So you're diving into 17 feet of water. Mm hmm. And so I got mixed up because you should know that you should go up. But I went down into the water further further than when I go even further than 17 feet because I could be a problem. No, I was only, you know, I only dove in from the edge of the pool. For some reason, I thought down was up and well, that's why they have bubbles flowing. Yes, God invented bubbles. So I'll tell you the punchline to that. But I don't know about I want to know about the initial phone call because I remember where I was when my agent called and said, Louie Anderson is doing diving with it now. I remember when I was, my agent said, Would you like you can do that? Yeah, you can do anything. Yeah. So do you remember where you were probably not practicing diving? No, I was sauerkraut. You're on the couch. And my manager had come over to have a meeting and they said they're doing a show. He handed me an iPad and said, Watch this. I tapped on the thing as people do, and I saw a compilation of a diving show in another language. Oh, we took it. Yeah, yeah, we stole it from Holland. Aha. So I could almost understand because I'm very white, right? Like them, right? I could understand. And they had a fat guy on it. And so they showed the whole thing and he go and I went. He said, ABC's doing this. Do you want to do it? And I go, Yeah. Can I ask you this? Yeah. In the Holland version, yeah, we saw the fat guy. Yeah. Was there some panic as to who's going to plug the dike now? Well, we have the fat guy down at the pool. Yeah. There was panic in this way. Am I fatter than the fat guy in Holland? Well, I asked Louie backstage, and I said, How thin would you like to be? And he said, just thinner than the fattest person in the room? Yes. You saw all these jumbo gold. Yeah. So yeah, 'cause I was thinking about having the sleeve done the separation. Yeah, which they make sound really good. Well, the sleep is actually good. Yeah, but what they don't tell you is that they sleep. The inside of your stomach, huh? It's just sad. You know, they just cut it so that they put a sleeve, they put basically a sleeve, not a short sleeve shirt. I don't think long. So it's a long sleeve, probably with a cuff like at the end, something classy. And then you basically, you know, expel your food that's just goes right out. And so that doesn't appeal to me. So I'm really trying. I'm working with a trainer who's here tonight. Oh, you're doing what you're doing? Yeah, you're off to a flying start with you are nothing but water that's in stays. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I was. So you agree to do the diving show to do it with Adama and and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and these guys, right? Yeah, I know I watched it. Yeah. And Kendra and yeah, sure. The Hef's hos. Yes. Yeah, yeah, nobody. When you when you think about folks you want to see in a bathing suit, it's like, I want to have girlfriends. Louie Anderson, I don't know. Flip a coin surprise. You got to be on top of your game with the fast forward button. Yeah. Got to get through Kendra. Right? Sure. Yeah. So so you're doing it with all these, all these folks. Yeah, some of them very athletic. Yeah. And the guy who was, you know, a career professional professional, you know, you did it with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Yeah, that was amazing. It's the only guy who could go up to the seven meter board and jump off it and have his feet still making contact with the sport with his head cam. But you know, it emerged health water. He always touched the bottom when he dove in. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, because there's nobody very few people touch the bottom when they go, No, but he's this song in way. Yeah. Mm hmm. He's so, yeah, there they are. They're you guys. Oh yeah, yeah. So then what happened? How you sustained an injury, right? Well, I dove off the side of the pool and like I say, I went in the wrong direction that I start. I, I breathed in water. That's good. That's not good. No, no. And I can breathe in a lot of water and and then I start choking. And then I couldn't get out of the pool. And Adama can sue and Greg Louganis. But mostly Adomah can just reach over and pick me up, and I'm considered strong. It was amazing because I went, Wow, yeah, that was amazing. Louie, it sounds like you're describing a nightmare, right? I started swallowing water that I can sue, and Greg Louganis fished me out of the pool. Yeah. And and then I was choking the water out. And TMZ, we did it over at Pasadena, the pool over there and there's hills. And TMZ was shooting that. And they they reported that I almost died. And so I played it up. I go this be good for the show. Sure, I said and I did interviews that I go, I was I was seconds away from Adomah and stepping on my chest to get the rest of the water out of me. That's his move by the stomps on something, which is a great move. It's a great move that if you're that player, that's a great move, right? People say that's a dirty move. I go. Yeah, well, now you did. Did you come back to compete? Yes. Yeah. I don't quit. No, no. I actually saw somewhere in my competitive comedian mind I thought I could win this. Yeah, I know that's a delusion, but I honestly did. I went, I could win this. Yeah, because I thought they would score on, Hey, I'm a 400 pound human being. Mm hmm. Seven meters up. Right? But look at it. I don't know. I think that was my death. They never recovered. Seven meters up. Yeah, diving into a pool water. Yeah, it's like twenty four feet up in the air. Yeah. And I don't even know what that like. I'm not a person who can figure this out, but four hundred pounds hitting the water wrong? No, no. That's that's it's instant death, not only for you, but for anyone in the first row. Yeah, yeah, that's part bystanders as well. So, yeah, the folks that work at the pool. So, yeah, as well. Yeah, it's called collateral damage. Yeah. So who ended up winning the that I can't think of as I know him really well, the the skier. Quite evidently, you guys are pretty tough. Yeah, we were really close. Yeah, yeah. The skier, of course. The professional athlete, the Olympic athlete. Like when I did dance, Wayne, they call him Bushy Wayne. It's he's a he was married to the Olympic skier who tragically died. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Is a wonderful human being, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's he's the one when you show the first with everybody I want on the left, but he's he broke his eardrum diving. Really? Yeah, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to come back, but he's a really he was. But I figure he would win. I mean, and he did, and he did. And now look at us and Brandi Chastain was on for years later, and we still can't stop not saying his name. Yeah, I I'm sorry. Gary was his name. Oh, gosh, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, but yeah, I when I did Dancing With the Stars, we did. And, you know, obviously when they have Olympic caliber athletes going against just plain athletes like, look over here, not Olympic caliber, well, maybe special Olympic caliber athletes like Louise Anderson, it's pretty clear who's going to win the competition. And when I was doing Dancing With the Stars, we had to I had to go up against Kristi Yamaguchi. And it was pretty clear that she was an ice dancer and was probably going to win this thing. And we went to Chicago to like, unveil ourselves on Oprah show and we were driving back. We took two big long stretch limousines and everyone was saying in my limousine with Penn Jillette and guys like that, who do you think's going to win this thing? And Christie was not in my limousine, and I said to everybody, I said, Well, I think the one with the Olympic Gold Medal for dancing on frozen floors. Yeah, with eight inch blade strapped, our feet is probably going to win this thing. And they're like, Yeah, you're probably right. I said, Yeah, Kristi Yamaguchi is going to win this day. And then I said, But we all do stand a chance, and they all sort of leaned in and I said, she's Japanese. And those people are super lazy and terrible, and everybody sort of went like, Huh? And then they and then they all erupted in laughter, and then they called me a racist and I was like, You were f**king laughing about it. By the way, is it really making fun of a culture by saying they're super focused and dedicated and hard working? Like, not only did she have the physical advantage on all of us, but she was going to f**king outwork all of us as well. Some stereotypes are great. Yes, black folks really are huge c**ks in your big vertical leave. Please. Cry me a river. Could you imagine Louie Louie? With this huge c**k and his crazy vertical leap, he could probably get his c**k right up your forehead. You wouldn't have to squat down to blow him. He just jump up and hover. You give a blowjob right there. That's Louie. Yeah, that's his people, his people, whoever man with their huge c**ks. Yeah, he plays above the rim. Yeah. Louie plays above the rim. Yeah, rim job. Yeah, that's that'd be a good euphemism for gay, right? He plays above the rim, I heard. So you came in what place, by the way? Um, not that we keep track of these things. I think, like halfway through halfway through, I said, I'm giving my place to another diver. Because they wanted me to have a dive off. That's what they they want to see me once again. You gotta dive 70 stairs. Yeah. And dive off, huh? And I said, You know what? I've had a great time. I'm going to give because I wanted to get out of there. Yeah, I had that or not. Sure I had hit. I had belly flopped from 17 feet. Yeah. And that was it. I said, Oh my God, what were you trying to do? Dive? Yeah, but I was trying to flip. I was trying to flip all the way over. Right, which my legs were not. They just cooperate. They did not clap or not flip friendly. Like, not now. They're no readily. So you didn't. You want to do a flip? I wanted to do a flip, but you did a belly flip back and then I flipped and bam. Mm hmm. And I hit that and I went, Oh my God, you know, everyone says, like, Hey, when you hit water like it, like 75 feet or 70 miles an hour or whatever it is, it's like hitting concrete. And my view is like, Well, maybe. But given the choice, the choice? Yeah, yeah. I would go with the same way about the same way, about water not diminished during a hit that accomplishments. But my water? Yes. Yeah, yeah. OK, so maybe a little hyperbole there. Well, the point is is, yeah, after that you gave up comedy and you got into competitive diving and it launched a whole new career. And that's why you're here today. I'm actually a member of the U.S. diving team. They gave everybody medals. They gave everyone medals is here, I have one your personal trainers here today, he tonight, is he here? Where is he Tommy? Tommy is here. There he is. Oh yeah, the guy with the guns. Yeah, not not enjoying any nachos. Zero body fat. That's right. Yeah, super intense. What? What's the regiment? What is he was he have you do? He's really good. He's the reason he's still around. He goes, How do you feel? And I go, I ain't got that enough. And he goes, We're not there yet. Yeah, it's that kind of thing, though he is the reason I'm still there is because he works out. He doesn't try to kill you when you're a fat person and a trainer gets a hold of you. They try to kill you, right? I am going to right this wrong, right? I am going to do it one day. He's the son of a b***h, right? And I am going to get him in shape in no time. Right? And then you never call them again. Right. Right? Because you can't go another ten minutes. Well, now, you know, so pardon me. But were you always big boned? I was always big bond. So your big fella growing up where I don't know where I'm from St. Paul, Minnesota and Minnesota. What the f**k? Get out of here. Oh, wait. Yes, perfect. Sorry. That's perfect. That's perfect. Because you said Phoenix. If I can hit you with this microphone. You said Mexico. I would've thrown myself at your train in Minnesota or Minnesota. There you go. You're in the house nine months out of the year. Yeah, right. So a lot of eating and a lot of now was, did you swallow your feelings? Was your mom everything in the house? I swallowed everything and everything. Not only feelings, but pets. Email. Well, whatever came into the house, whatever came under fire, it didn't matter whatever came into the house. So you would you say you're a big kid? I was. And do you think that led you to comedy? Yeah, because you had to figure out a line to say so you wouldn't get picked on. Absolutely. So in a way, a good thing, right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think it was a great thing. Now what if you were built like Greg Louganis? Do you think you would have a sense of humor? No. Yeah, y-, they're great. He has no sense of humor. Yeah. Now that's a good point. He doesn't have a person. All right. Greg Louganis. Every time someone picked on you or said anything, you just take your shirt off, right? And that be it. Yeah, but also you're not. I mean, I think people have a feeling about what who comics are like. If you were really good looking, how many really great looking comics? Yeah, I don't know. And I don't know. I don't count myself and I'll tell you why. My thing is, I'm hot, but I don't know it, right? So and that's a lot of what makes me hot. And I I tell that to my son all the time, you know, you're like your dad, you're hot. But part of being hot is not knowing you're hot and you have the fat, says douche bag. You just said you were hot and I was like, That's yeah. But yeah, I don't know it. Yeah. What are you talking about? That's what he says. That's why I said so. So growing up in Minnesota, swallowing everything in the house and thinking, then what? I'm going to do comedy or family business? Yeah, no. I just, you know, like I, I tell you, I had I had 10 brothers and sisters and brothers and sisters, so, you know, I was 10th out of 11. Wow. And so my dad was, you know, drank. And so that set up and set up the whole scenario for 11, 11 and you guys are living in white and the projects we lived in a four bedroom unit that project in Minnesota has been up there. That's our carried on that project in Minnesota. They have projects in Minnesota, but their project lines very nice. Like, it's really true that they really have projects in Minnesota that Roosevelt housing project. Wow. That's where I grew up. I thought the projects in Minnesota was like, Well, I'm going to finish building this ship in a bottle. And then later on, I'm going to go out to the woodshed and finish my project out there for a project project. Yeah, there was always like, you're black in a good way. But my dad was a musician. Your dad was a blues sax. Yeah, he was. He was a jazz. Just checking all the boxes. Share jazz, cornet and trumpet player. Wow. Your dad played jazz horn. He had 11 of you. Yes. So he was on the road a lot. Wow. He was a rookie. By the time I was born, he was done with his music stuff. He never grew up in the project and we grew up in the projects in Minnesota and Minnesota. So there's 11 of you living in what, a couple of bedrooms, four bedrooms, four has a decent size pad. Yeah, yeah. And then what is? Other family members, large people because of a lottery, one who looks like my mom is fat. Uh huh.. And everybody who looks like my dad is drunk, right? You know, so it's really true. I mean, I don't mean that in a cruel way. No, no one really drinks anymore, but. Well, they're dead now. But yeah, I understand if there were, a lot of them are dead. Wow. Yeah. And wow, so your dad looks like what Ike Turner and Shelley Winters are. How's that work? Well, my mom and dad look a little like Shelley Winters. Oh, I knew it. Yeah, yeah. You guys have to watch the Poseidon Adventure, you know I'm talking about here. All right. You know what, Gary Fine, Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure. And I think I'm a fighter fighter diving, if you can. She was swimming. Swim in the best. I think of Molly Brown, right? Yeah. All right. Sorry, so papa was a Rolling Stone. Yeah. And you grow up in the projects in Minnesota. Yeah. And then when you do your first comedy set October 10th, 1978, wow, that looks like your mom. Now that's showing you a lot like my mom, really. If you saw it looks, it looks a lot like if you pull up, if you're on the thing, you pull up. If you pull up. Goodbye, jumbo, hello, cruel world. My second book, the cover should add Miley. It may have my mom on it out of her. Her character in the movie was a diving champion swimming champion. I thought it was diving because you dove into the end of the flaming water to like she was some doors. It was. It was one of these things where they had to. She had to hold her breath. Yeah, that was for for like 20 minutes. Yeah. And she had a swim and she was explaining like her husband was like, you were Fresno State swimming champion in nineteen sixty one and you can do it. She was like, that was 180 pounds ago. You know, you can do it. The math, then how about making that movie? What that would have been like the precisely the the majority of Gene Hackman? Just a solid water? Yes. Oh, well, you just you did a TV show where you were underwater the entire time. I really enjoyed it. So wait a minute. Sorry, what was? There's my mom. There's my mom. Right? There is your mom's in the background is here on the left. Oh, I see how we put it up there way. Yeah. Shelley Winters. Yeah, so so did you. Nice job here, did you? So how old were you when you did your first stand up set? Twenty five. Twenty five. So what did you do between the projects and twenty five? I worked as a social worker for a bit. Uh huh.. And then at the Clark gas station, you worked at a gas station. I worked at the gas station. What did you do there? I pump the gas. Oh, remember when they said people that did that instead of just the super angry foreign guy who sits behind the and is like, what this? And they're like pump number three. No, no, no pump does no good for you. And you're like, All right, can I have a Snickers bar? No, no sticker. I've got a pack of Marlboro Light. No, there's you have change now. Yeah, but you would just run out. I would run people's gas run out. I just would walk out. And I just, I mean, yeah, I don't want to be wrong about this, right? Well, I keep it accurate and I some surveillance footage. Yeah, 1979. All of a sudden that comes up. Yeah, all right. Yeah. But so I would pump the guy and then the winter, Oh my god, that's miserable. Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, I had a girlfriend from Minnesota. You did. Yeah, and she is very nice. She was she. Yeah, she had her moments. And I mean, they all have their moments at the beginning. That's why the girlfriend. I remember one time, you know, I'm from I'm from North Hollywood. Yeah. And so she was like, We should go down to the Rite Aid and get some other bomb. Yeah, I bomb. And I said, What the f**k's utter bomb? And she said, You don't know what other bomb is that bomb? And I was like, No, I don't know what other bomb is nowhere near the bomb North Hollywood. And she said, it's a s**t you put on utters, Yeah. You know, when it gets below freezing. Oh, bomb bomb bomb bomb. And I was like a green square tin. I was like, Nobody knows what other bomb as well. Of course, Brian's got another straight f**king on my guy. Few people know what. Well, this is 20 years ago, you know? And I said, Ah, no one knows what other bomb is. And because she was from Minnesota, she was like, Everybody knows what other bomb is. And then we proceeded to ask fourteen people and they went, I don't know what you're talking about. No, I know. But you know, the good the good thing about other bomb, when you think somebody knows something and then you tell somebody, everyone knows it and then nobody knows it. You always label those people dumb a*****e. It's always great, like, yeah, oh yeah, your mom didn't know what utter bomb was. She's a c**t. f**k her. So no s**t. Kerry Gary find a picture of bag a bomb and actually has a picture of an utter on it. Yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah. What was her intention? Dated. Yeah, sure. I was wondering why you're getting married to another human. Like, she came from a land where this was fairly prevalent and and then decided that she wanted some here. Yeah, there's back bomb. Yeah, she she decided that she needed some here. Like, I don't know, like some guy from Australia, I was looking for Vegemite or something and then decided that everyone must know because she grew up in a land where everyone, not only it was probably used this currency. Yeah, you know, some kid would mow your lawn and you'd give him a SPAC. She'll have other bomb. And all or all, you want to buy a used car you need like a crock pot of utter bob. He's peeling off the outer boxes are peeling off the bottom. Yeah, that's right. You'd make it rain at a strip joint worst way ever to throw utter bomb into the area. I think it is like a form of currency where she came from. Yeah, I think she was a Minnesota, by the way. Before the internet, you could f**king say anything you wanted at any time. Like you just go out former Green Beret and everyone go, Hey, OK, former Green Beret new guy. She she always told me she was a former Minnesota Vikings cheerleader. No way to verify she would look at enough to pull it off, but how could you check it possible to be? All right. You really do. Here we come. A truck it in. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's do it right now. How about now? Hello, Vikings, can you send me your roster from? Hello, Grant? This is Adam Carolla still around, but Grant still on the radio. Not too long ago, you talked to Bud. Yeah, he is a f**king Vikings right player. He is unbelievable. I mean, Gary, not Bud Grant. As of Tuesday, but but Grant like circa 1974. I mean, he's a firecracker. That guy was a Viking. Like, literally, I don't even think he coached football. They just hired a guy that looked like a Viking. They did. Don't get premature, Gary. Find a good picture. All right. No. Ha ha ha ha. Didn't i just say all right. Anyway, we'll find a good picture bud grant. So sorry, Louie, we're worried we were comedy. Twenty five twenty five. Little Club in Minneapolis. And how were you scared to death? Yeah, and they're very nervous. I invited all my as I was that I dare. Somebody dared me to do it. Yeah. And I said, All right, I'll do it. And I wrote a bunch of fat jokes and I did it. Uh huh. Yeah, Gary would need to do better. Gary, take your time, find a good picture, and then then we'll show it to everyone. Sideline picture. Yeah. All right. So let me tell you something. Almost every comedian I talked to did whatever they did on a dare dare. Someone signed them up for it, right? But my feeling is if Gina dare me to blow this joint in the first and the first row, Adam, I dare you to blow the f**k. No. Moving on. Yeah. So what I'm saying is you don't have to actually execute every dare. I mean dead right now, by the way, if we were at a comedy show and I said, these guys aren't funny. And he said, If you think you're so funny, you're right. Yeah. But Grant said this. I said it to me. And he said, Why don't you try it? And I signed up the next week. I wasn't trying to be, you know, like, you know, you when you hear comics and you just gonna laugh right now. I would never say that anymore. One chair comic. You never. I rarely respect other comics. Yeah, yeah. Right? But back then, back then I said, these guys aren't funny. And Gary find a f**king head shot of grant eyes like crazy and blow. Would you please make it in color? Make it in color? Make a tight head. 1969, right? I said 74. That's that's if we're getting a lot closer with Bob Grant. There you go. That's not bad. You better. We can still do better. That's not bad. All right. So you want how did it go the first night? I did really well. Oh, you did well. Yeah, believe it or not, that's the last time he did well. Yeah. Yeah, that's the last time. But that was him. He got it out of your sight. I said, That's it. Never doing it again. And now somebody. Mike August was telling me a tale of you doing The Tonight Show. What's once the first time he did The Tonight, 1984, 1984? So that was back when. But Grant was how would say, all right. There's a better. There's a thank you, Gary. That's the would have waited, probably should have waited on that shot up. I'd grab it for a while. It just killed one at the linebacker. The guy looked. Like a f**king Viking, does it not so salty? Eighty eighty four. Yeah. Carson's hosting. Yeah. Were you scared to death or if you're nervous but prepared? Very because McCauley would never let me on for two years. They never like I auditioned at the Comedy Store. If somebody was first time I auditioned for him, he goes, You're not, you're not Johnny Carson material. And I said, That's how you do kind of come out in a minute, right? You know, you don't even know what that means, right? So then every time someone else had an audition? Debbie, who ran the comedy store, I would say, whenever Macaulay is going to be there. Macaulay did the book. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was the guy who book from home alone. Yeah, well, but he did all the comic book comics. Is there? Is there anything worse in that process not having the personality of a third party? You go up and you do your set and then that person calls you back and tells you it's not quite right and went to work on your set. And then we get, then you do it again. He didn't even tell me to work on it. He said, You're not Johnny Carson material. And then two years later, two years, this is the process. This is an infuriating and and true thing, but that so I perform. And the Letterman people saw me. Aha. And the Letterman people immediately put me on the Letterman Show. Right? The same that afternoon that tonight, Macaulay called me and said, Hey, we want you on The Tonight Show because of the Letterman got. That's what I'm assuming, right? So I said, Oh, I'm torn here. I don't know what what I can do. What should I do? And I just said, OK, I'll do The Tonight Show because that was my dream. Sure to do the show with Johnny, with Johnny Carson. And then the Letterman people were, Oh my god, they were so mad. Were you ever able to go on Letterman two years later, years later? So every two years I get. So you went on Carson. Did Carson call you over to the here's what's over? He did not. But I went, I left the stage and somebody as I was leaving the stage went, Louie, Johnny wants you to come back, take a bow. Wow. Because I had crashed so badly. I mean, I cried. Yeah, I crushed it, honestly. The crowd was still applauding. So, as you know, during the commercial, he brought me back out now before the commercial really brought me back out. And now we're looking at, we're looking at it. It doesn't look like f**king bud grant, Gary. Get your show a little bit. Yeah. But then he called me over and I shook his hand, and it was it was a great experience. And how many appearances did you end up doing that? Eight or 10 as a standup? Yeah, at a certain point, you come on as a guest. I never came on. Don't don't ever s**t on my story. Well, we have a role at a certain point. Come on. That's what I'm saying. When John was on, when Joan was on, you come on as a guest, you have a still. All right. Yeah. But still, let's see, Bryan, what's that about you? And Gina did a little swim up poker or I should say blackjack over it. I achieved a life goal by living up to a blackjack table. It was magical. Yeah, I'd like to tell this tables. You guys went right up to him, by the way. This is a big feud. Our terrorist rants, which is blackjack. Not enough. We need to swim to the blackjack drunk, to the scantily clad dealers. They're wearing swimsuits. Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, we heard you. We saw you from the stage you were explaining this is what a terrorist. Hey, that's we kind of look at each other. Go, Yeah, this is right. You're sitting on a stool that's submerged in water. No, I f**king love this country. And how you do? And then who is your dealer? She looks pretty hot, by the way. Yeah, we had. We did. All right, right? Well, I mean, I watch a little bit, I heard you on, you know, an up and down. We had a dealer who looked like a living Barbie, which I know happens a lot here, but I was very taken with her. She is just gorgeous, long blonde hair. This beautiful Russian or east Baltic. Yes, Eastern European accent is right. And not someone you would think would say the following words Oh, you're not Adam Carolla or what? Where was I? You're on stage. On stage. And then she said this. I just love his voice. Whoa. And I said, Really? Wow. So she starts quoting you talking, quoting Love Line Line. Yes, he was. He used your time. He used to say goofball all the time, right? Goofball. Like, yeah, he's a colorful goofball. I'm becoming tumescent. Can I say this on the the swim up blackjack table or the swim up bar? What is the over under on you pretending to get up and use the bathroom? Is it like eighty four minutes? Like No. Zero point. No, no. But you have to pretend I'm saying just the decorum. You basically going, I want to know the time before people start getting suspicious because it gives you power to a few microbreweries sitting there. I'm just saying every you should. There should be an app. I don't know what where you put the f**king phone, right? Right? It goes off like, are you putting the money? Yeah, I don't know if any of the hundreds up every year you have to have a like a caddy dolphin that follows you around, but the phone and like every eighty three minutes, you have to go like. Hold. I'm going to go use the facilities and then you just walk around the corner, you know, blow up blow, but have a cigarette and then you come back down and piss again. But as they like you, you can't sit there for five hours straight pounding IVF. Right, right. I was thinking about that, too. If you're on a hot streak, you're not getting up. So where we were was probably just okay. And it's really the ultimate in debauchery because you could have taken the lazy river for where we were to the protect came from. Really? Yeah, it's pretty much invented a beer. What beer did I just say? IBF, IBF? Yeah, that makes you pale. Yeah, yeah. IBM definitely. Yeah. IP yeah. That's what I meant. Yeah, I was thinking of something, something I did with my wife to get my twins. I think I said another. Another story, but now that's Svetlana. Yeah. Is open for business. She loves your voice, which is weird. Jesus Christ. Sad. All right. So did we win? Did we do OK? We do it up about ninety seven. Yeah, yeah. I feel like you did better at craps. I taught me how to play craps. Let me tell you something, man. I started. I brought $300 down from the room because I didn't wanna bring my whole wallet. I cashed in the crap table for 300. I was down to my last 30 and I won it all back. Mm hmm. Winning money it back is better than winning money. Yeah, making your money back. It's way better than winning. Everyone knows it's a relief. It is. It's the best. But I think life is that way. Like surviving. Getting even is the best. Yeah, but it's like escaping abduction. Yes, it's better just to stay right, even though you're just back to square one. You never say, Oh, thank God, another day I wasn't abducted. No, you say, thank god, I got out of the conversation. Yeah, yeah, I agree. Creole classics is brought to you by one 800 flowers this Valentine's Day. It pays to plan ahead with one 800 flowers. Com First dibs on great deals, the best selection of roses and guaranteed delivery. Don't wait. Get amazing offers. And for listeners of this show, we can offer you 24 assorted roses for 30 999 or upgrade at 24 Red Roses for $10 more. These are beautiful flowers that come to you in such great condition. You're not going to believe how awesome they are. They smell incredible, and all roses from one 800 flowers are picked at their peak, cared for at every step and shipped fresh for lasting beauty. So think ahead this year. Bouquets are selling fast, locking your Valentine's delivery date today with one 800 flowers dot com and once again, that deal for you, Tom back Jill to order 24 assorted roses for 30 999 or upgrade to 24 Red Roses for only $10 more. Go to one hundred flowers dot com. Click the radio icon. Enter Code AC that's one hundred flowers dot com. Code x Hurry offer expires Friday. And that's Louie Anderson live on stage from the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas as a really, really fun trip. And yeah, we'll hear more of that tomorrow and Sunday's episode. All right, we have one more clip for everybody. This is a request from Drew in Cleveland. He writes. Gentlemen, I remember very thought provoking conversation from about a decade ago between Adam and Gad said it would be great if we could have him back on love the show drew. Well, Drew. First off, we are working on getting Mr. City Dr. Sad back on. He and Adam actually did a take on you said That's a great villain, the doctor said. And Adam did it take a knee recently, and they've been tweeting each other so they get along swimmingly. Definitely dive in a lot of philosophy. I've heard a doctor on many other shows like Rogan Stuff. Yeah, he's a very different vocal tone. He talks to Adam almost like a childish uncertainty, like he can't even know what I'm going to throw him next. It's very fun to listen to what we're going to hear some of that today with this clip from July of 2014. I'm also 13 76 July of 2014. Dr. Gartside, Al Rosen, Brian Bishop. Check it out. Doctor Dad Saad, am I pronouncing all that right? That sounds pretty good. He's got a book. It is called the consuming instinct that's available on Amazon, and you know what to do going to crawl that. Com and click on through. Put a little wind and the sails of the pirate ship. So, dr. Evolutionary behavioural scientists. What what's the book about and what do we need to know? So basically what I do is I try to look for the Darwinian route to the biological roots of what make us consume. The way that we do either find consumption very broad based, not just consuming Coca-Cola and Starbucks, but we consume relationships. We consume religion, we consume cultural products. And so I look at the fundamental biological drivers of these conciliatory patterns. And so there's a lot of stuff that it's funny. You see it in dogs, like when you see dogs turn in a circle a few times and then they lay down on the floor and you go, why do they turn in a circle to hardwood floor? They're standing in the middle of Glendale. Why they turn? Well, it's an evolutionary thing that's left behind from whatever. So I guess we have a fair amount of that ourselves that we pretend like we don't, but we do. Exactly. And one of the the big stumbling blocks the social sciences has been to try to apply some of these evolutionary explanations that people are readily willing to accept for dogs and mosquitoes and zebras. But somehow, that same evolutionary mechanism should not be applied to humans. That's called the human reticence effect. What applies to the zebra somehow should be we should be impervious to that because we're cultural animals, we could rise above our biology. Well, I've said on this show very recently, but I used to say on Loveline all the time, Look, you want to know how polar bears act and react and mate and all that kind of hunt and everything else. Is this study 100 of them and you're an expert? You don't need all of them, right? You just need 100. And we understand that. I mean, when a guy said I lived with a pod of whales are group, a family of polar bears, no one goes well, that's not all polar bears. Is it a how do you know? Because I feel like every time I float an idea, someone goes, Well, not everybody or not all. Intellectually, I want to say, shut the f**k up. Just it's basically we're animals and we're a little more advanced, but we're animals. I got a great story, frankly. So if you tell somebody that, you know, on average, men are likely to prefer to meet with younger women, somebody will raise their hand up in the audience and say about my uncle Joe is dating an older woman. And as if that example was going to invalidate all of Darwinian theory in a more basic example Hey, Bill, what? Why? Dr. I feel like I spend my whole life going. This culture needs to work on this. Or if you're if you grow up with a single mom and no father, you have a much more likely chance of and there's always some dickhead who raises his hand and goes. I come from a single family. I went to Princeton, Yale and Harvard, and I'm and it's like, You are the exception. You are not the rule. And what do we need you for? Two explanations? Yes. So one, I think they they they make a mistake of taking a individual level datum for a phenomenon that should pull through at the population level so men are bigger than women. That's a biological fact fact. But there are tons of women. All the WNBA players are taller than most men. That doesn't involve the fact that men are bigger than women. I know. But what about the douche bag who has to point out to me that Sheryl Swoopes is taller than I am, and I'm six two, and I can't just say most men are taller than women. It's like, now, is there an evolutionary need to go against the grain? I just think that anecdotal evidence is very vivid to most people. Most people are not trained necessarily to understand how hypothesis testing works. So you think the douche bag that is trying to invalidate actually thinks that their little story invalidates? Exactly. But by me, coming up with a singular anecdote that's relevant to my life, I have shattered just your theory, and that's really a very serious obstacle because everybody could come up with such. I think these people want to shatter their orbital socket, my f**king fist. And by the way, all you a*****es that are out there shattering my theories. They're not my theories. They're just yet. It is. Men are taller than women. Women live longer than men. You're not saying every single man is taller than no one ever starts with that statement. It's like yours. No such thing as one woman who's taller than the shortest man. That's not the statement. And yes, women live longer than men. But we all know some Grandpa Joe, who made it to one hundred and three. I'll give you more examples along the line. Believe if you explain, for example, natural selection or the survival instinct, then somebody will put up their hand and say, Well, how could you explain suicide if you explained that as we are a sexually reproducing species? Then somebody puts up their hand and says, Well, how do you explain homosexuality? Right? So it's really it's an endless cognitive trap that it's very hard for most people to. And all those a*****es on one island be called Disagreement Island. And every time somebody said, I think we should hollow out a gourd and go get some water, somebody raise their hand and go, you know, I knew a guy who owned a gourd and it blew up when he went to go get water with that. So let's all just sit here and f**king rot. I heard about some parasites that live in water. Yeah, let's not do that. Yeah. Like just all, that's their job, but I'm always like. Of course. Of course there are examples. I feel like politicians never stop doing what we're talking about, which is insane, because how do you ever get at the cause of the root of the problem? If you have one a*****e who's bringing up one example of some buddy who succeeded against all odds? Well, I think one of the other problems is that if you say something as a human universal, which is language that we would use in evolutionary psychology, they literally take the term universal as applying to apply to every single person. Right, right. So now the question is, and I've always I've always said, I've always wanted more. I've always wanted the government who's basically just the sheepherder and the flock are the individuals that live in the country. And the whole thing is is we want the sheep to kind of do what we want them to do. Look, there's one of us and we got a dog and then all the sheep just take off and start going a while there. We're not going to get them like we have to keep them shorter in order they have to pay their taxes if everyone just decided to stop paying my taxes tomorrow. You're talking to the wrong guy about taxes. I'm from Quebec, Canada, which makes your taxes seem like a child's play. Well, let's put it, I'll put it to you this way if all Americans or doctors just do the thing you were talking about, I think you should have one example that invalidates your whole country. All I'm saying is that I feel your pain. Probably. Let's put it, let's put it this way, and this would be a utopia for me. But if everyone just universally said, you know what? The new speed limit 120 miles an hour, that's how fast we're all going to drive. There's really nothing the government could do about it, right? If we all just decided to do it now, instead, it's a couple of rogue guys driving to Vegas. They can keep control over that. But if we all just went a wall, there's really no taxes. Speed limit 120 universal across the board. There's nothing the government could do about it. So the government's job is to sort of keep its flock in order, and it should know what its flock wants with his flock doesn't want, you know? And it's what it's trying to do is go, Look, we're going to try to keep crime down. We're going to try to keep people employed. We're going to have them pay their taxes. We want families to stay intact so they can have more kids that then pay more taxes that don't get into the system and so on and so forth. Why isn't more of this applied from a governmental standpoint? Why are all the, you know, presidents and senators are always going to church, but they're never they're never meeting with a psychologist? How come you're not on some sort of presidential board? You know what I mean? Like, why isn't this a bigger issue? You know, there recently was discussion of adding a behavioral science advisory group to the president's cabinet. So in the same way that they are economic advisers, this behavioral scientists who advise us on important things like public policy, I'll give you one good quick example. So the standard argument for how do you get consumers to change their behavior is, you know, don't lead a sedentary life, don't engage in unsafe sex, don't suntan. Too much has always been that people are misinformed, and if only you would educate them, then they would fall in line, fall in step. And that's laughably incorrect. We know for a fact, for example, some. We know that women are much more knowledgeable about the deleterious effects of sun exposure, yet they engage in the behavior a lot more. So what I argue is it's it's not so much that we have to provide them with more information. Know that women don't care about reading about the epidemiology of melanomas in 40 years. What they care about is that tonight I need to go to a party and Tony is going to be there and I'd like to have the healthy glow, right? Right. On the other hand, for example, for a young young male smokers telling them that they might develop heart disease when there are 73 is not very compelling, but right, but telling them that the number one group of young males to suffer from impotence are likely to be heavy smokers. Now that gets my Darwinian attention, and it doesn't take a sophisticated evolutionary biologist to understand that that's going to trigger a response in somebody's Darwinian path. So I'm with you, Doc, and I've been saying this all the time like, you know, when it comes to whatever, these people need to be educated, everyone's educated enough. Everyone knows. I mean, it's like, literally, yes, cigarettes are bad for you. We've been beaten over the head with. This for 25 years. Everyone knows that now I want to know how to really create change. How do you create change? And I feel like getting more money to educate, put up more billboards. It's just throwing money into a hole that that comes from. From the classical economic perspective, it's called homework home economics. It basically says that with more information, we make better decisions. Right? And so starting from that premise, then the argument is, well, if people are going down, the wrong choices are making wrong choices. It must be that they have incorrect or incomplete information. Let's provide them the correct information. And that's been a very, very difficult sort of position to to dismantle because classical economics has been so powerful in shaping public policy discourse. Well, what do you do? And you're from Lebanon, right? Originally from Lebanon, yes. And they're a little civil war going over their escape there due to our being Jewish. Right. So there's plenty of that stuff going on in the Middle East these days. There is, and it will never stop. Thank you. Thank you. That's your opinion. Is this just your opinion? I know how she deals with this Palestinian dude calls them if this is his best friend, or maybe his name is Yosef. Either way, man, these two guys are tight. So say the Jews and the Palestinians aren't thick as thieves. They f**k. I love it. I mean, the dude I know. Yes, it's never going to work. It's never going to get. They're never going to get along. And there's no amount of concessions or land or anything that's going to stop people from really who really want to fight from fighting. So what do you do in a situation like that now? My plan is to move all the Jews to Baja California, let them get the economy back on track over that. Can I get a Palestinian? So with that too, I I think, well, my my assumption with the Palestinians and everyone in that neck of the woods. If you pull the Jews out of the mix, eventually the Palestinians would just start killing each other because that seems to be what's on the menu. Please direct all your hate mail to Adam, please. I don't do. I'm I'm tired of pretending like, well, if we could just educate Israel on the Palestinian plight. I appeared on Joe Rogan a couple of weeks ago, and overwhelmingly the responses were very positive. But the rare cases where there were negative responses, there was some hardcore anti-Semitic vitriol and it wasn't really, oh yeah, I was usually comes from the host on the show. I'm not a Jew. Listen, I love the Jews. The Jews got it. f**kin figured out. I studied them when I went to North Hollywood high meetings. The North American striped domesticated. You have to say this because we control Hollywood and the bank. That's right. No, I did. I did a really stereotyped op. It was a it was a super simple little study I conducted over North Hollywood circa 1979 to 1982, which is all my Jewish friends lived up on the hills, Hebrew heights. They called it a studio city. Their families were intact. They all went off to Stanford and Cal and UCLA, and all my other gentile friends were poor. Their families were divorced, they lived in s**tty apartments, and we all went to construction sites to clean up garbage for a living. That's what happened to us. So I said, you know, maybe the Jews, maybe we should tear out a page from their playbook. Maybe they know a little something that's, you know, quick personal story. Sure. After I finished my MBA, I always knew I wanted to go into academia, but I thought, maybe I'll take a bit of a break and maybe come out, come out to Southern California and work my brother. I have a brother who was very successful in the dot com business year when my mother sort of typical stereotypical Jewish mother, caught wind that I might not go on and complete my Ph.D.. She took me to the side of one of the rooms and very, very seriously said, Do you want people to remember you as somebody who dropped out of school? And this was somebody who had an MBA. So right? So I think you set the standards high in the U.S. and it's pretty simple. If everybody just sort of focused on that family and education, I feel like we'd be living in a better country and a better world for that matter. But it's not something that people argue with me a lot about. I don't know why I'm not Jewish. I had a Jewish grandfather. He was a step grandfather, so we didn't have any blood, but he was the only f**king sane one in my family. He was the only one who could be the only one who took care of anyone. He was the only one who wasn't nuts, and, by the way, was the only one who wasn't selfish, like it was family oriented. Like, he was like, Take a lunch, take a sweater. Are you hungry? Do you need anything? Everyone else? It was a Chinese fire drill of every man for themselves. He was very huge. Only when he was married to your mom's mom, right? Yes. See this That relationship is hard for me to figure out based on all your stories. Because it sounds like your grandfather, your step grandfather, had such a warm heart. She doesn't sound warm. Well, the story of the diminutive Jewish guy hooking up with the ball buster. I guess that's fairly all very is there. Yes, historically old number two. He was Hungarian and she was sort of nuts for the European lifestyle, and he was a writer and he was Hungarian. So it was he was very bohemian, I think, to her, very exotic. You know, she grew up around here, sort of felt like she was white trash as she thought, I'm going to hook up with a guy who's an artist and he has an accent and it's very European. But he was mainly just very Jewish. And he I just saw that guy like cooking and taking care of people and taking care of business and hugging people. And I was like, This guy's normal. Although he looked at our family is like, f**k is wrong with you, people. Like I can remember when my sister ran away and my parents really didn't go look for ways to help. Well, if you go look at your kid, she ran away to go, look for her now. Like, Yeah, not so much, but I understood it. And I don't know how we then get the world to embrace this or what goes on in the Middle East. It gets people who seem like they enjoy killing people to stop killing people. I know there's always a good reason, but it's like to me, it's like when you know, a guy who fights a lot, he'll tell you every weekend I went to a bar, what happened? This guy, for no reason, has come up to me. You know, tell me my wife's pussy smell. So of course I defend myself. You know, it's like, but every weekend and then their guy, I mean, maybe it smells really good. But then there's Matt. Find a leader who doesn't like fighting and we'll ask him how many fights he's been in in the last decade. The answer is zero. He wrestled to the toilet earlier. That's right. That's it. That's all. So what do you do? Look, when you have religion involved, all reason goes out the window and it's my imaginary friend is bigger and stronger than your imaginary friend. So I think unfortunately, as much as people like to pretend that it's geopolitical and so on, I think the bottom line is it's a religious conflict and it's very difficult to extricate yourself from from this abyss. Do you think religion will ever go away? Like, I really, the younger person did not think that we would, that we would be in such an ideological stranglehold at this point. You know, I think that as far as we know, we're the only animal that is aware of its mortality. And so there's a real existential angst here and that we all know we on the death sentence. Now what religion does, as we all know in this room, it provides a pill, right? I mean, if I, as I often use this metaphors analogy, if I have a problem with cholesterol, I go see my doctor who gives me Lipitor and I'm bum, I'm OK. Well, how do we solve this existential angst? Well, hey, listen, believe in my narrative and you're going to see Uncle Joe again. You're going to see your favorite dog again, you're going to be reunited. So I don't. I think it is part of a human condition to really believe in the supernatural. Now, I am not a strong proponent and those not of those areas. But I think that's the rare case. The person who could say, I know I'm here for 85 years and then it's all over. I think it takes a lot of intellectual honesty and courage to to hold an atheistic position. Yeah, I always have this theory that obviously once I've always said the second, the first guy realized we're we're going to die. That's when religion was invented. And of course, you have to have it otherwise. For most people, it's a bizarre existence. Like here you turn on the news and 300 people fell out of the sky because some rogue Soviet missile one blasted them up. And then you start hearing about that. Well, the soccer team and the guy traveling with his grandkids and they were just on vacation. And now you start internalizing Jesus. I go on vacation with my family. We took a 777 that could have been. And now you're a thoroughly freaked out, right? And you want to sit in that airplane at thirty one thousand feet and not think about anything, especially Soviet missiles. And this helps. I always quietly think that people aren't as religious as they say. They are like they say they're religious and they may even talk a good game, but I feel there's a certain insecurity in it. And when I need to actually kill the other guy's religion is at loggerheads with my religion. That's I'm feeling kind of insecure. Like, I feel like if I was just really super secure with my God and my relationship with my God and you just said to me, look, 1000 percent, I believe in my God and my destiny. I know 1000 percent. You're wrong with your God and your destiny. I'd go about my day whistling, and every time I passed you, I just laughed and chuckles. I walk by God. Well, it's funny because you're going to be dancing around Sterno cans in hell. Your whole life, and I'm going up where the streets are paved with gold and everyone pees in the sink. Ah, it's a real utopia. Yeah, real utopia. So there's a part of me that always thinks, you know what? You're making me question what I'm thinking about my god by talking about your God and you need to be silenced, right? Like, I think feel like as a pill it doesn't work as well as people want it to. If we all took the same pill, I think it might work, right? You know, I wrote an article once and I covered in my book also where I pretend that I suppose you had an extraterrestrial who came down to Earth and is shopping for the one true religion. By the way, there are 10000 documented religions. Now, for most of the tax breaks, starting with true on every single question that you could think of, I could offer you two religions that that provide you exactly opposite prescriptions. Are you allowed to eat pork? Are you allowed to masturbate as homosexuality is a sin or not? Should you wear leather shoes or not or not? So it's astonishing to me that people know this, that there are 10000 religions, each of which provide completely contradictory positions on the most minuscule to the most grant issues, and yet join the one that prescribes masturbation. Done and done, by the way, Richard Dawkins has a great little quip where he says that the difference between atheists and the truly religious is actually quite minuscule. So if we take the 10000 example of religions, the atheist is atheist on 10000 of them, whereas the truly religious as an atheist on nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine and is a strong believer in one. So they're actually quite similar in their non-belief. There's just a difference of one. Well, my that's interesting, my my theory, and you would know better than I. But you know, there are so many things that are different about these 10000 religions, but they usually end up in the same place, which is when you die. You will then move on to some other place that is better than the place you're at right now. And then some stipulations about how you get there, about earning it. But that and sorry to interrupt you. And in that afterlife, all of your Darwinian desires will be met, right? And so, so it again shows you that there's a real, earthy earthly component. Sure. Yeah. It's not like you. Oh, you're going to be eating grapes or you staring at nothing or you don't say it's going, you're going to be self-actualized. You're going now getting a lot of bang as many versions as you like. Well, they're all sort of reunited with your dog and f**k a lot of hot chicks and other Band-Aids on all the pains you suffer right on Earth. And so one should be a little bit suspicious that they all and out of the ten thousand religions, why do they there's millions spokes on the rim, but they all go to one hub and that hub is something better than this waiting in the afterlife. That, to me, would draw some suspicion, which is, well, maybe these 10000 people cook this stuff up as a sort of remedy to keep everyone in the tribe from freaking out on each other and raping each other and killing each other. There are some evolutionary arguments for why religion exists. It's actually called evolutionary religious studies. That's an actual field. So some argue that religion actually confers survival advantage. So if you compare religious groups that versus non-religious group, the religious group will have greater, you know, communion and cohesion and so on. So it will probably out survive in the other group. So that that's an argument based on survival. Another argument is one that argues that religion is really a byproduct of other processes. So, for example, we've evolved coalitional thinking us versus them, right? And so what religion does is it piggybacked on this evolved pension that we already have because that's exactly what religions do, right? They are Jews and gentiles. They are the believers and the good fight. They are the ones who are going to be redeemed by Christ and the rest of us who are going to have to hell. So all religions piggyback on this coalitional us versus them mindset. So, so there are some really interesting arguments as to, evolutionarily speaking, as to why it's difficult to ever get rid of religiosity. It's part of the human condition. All I want to do is show up at the middle in the Middle East and go, How's it going? How's it going? How's it working out like? I want to talk to people who argue with me a lot. I just want to go, look around. Now who's playing? Do you want to go with who's plan? Would you guys like to go with around here? I've stood on the sidelines. I've watched this going down for the 50 years I've been on the planet. This year likes working out so well. So how about we go a little a little different direction. I mean, that's what we love about sports. When a guy comes in to coach the Cleveland Browns and he goes to and 14 two seasons in a row. So you have to use the Browns as an example. So, you know, they're always the Redskins. The point is this Seahawks are you go to in fourteen to two seasons in a row. They pay out the last year of your contract and they cut you because it ain't working the f**k out. And I don't get why you don't just look around and go, maybe, maybe that's not working out so well for us. I don't. And to me, it feels like the less it works out, the more you double down on the religion. But that seems like you just spent more money on a lame horse. Speaking of sports and and religion, yeah, have you've noticed when people say, you know, it's Jesus who made me, you know, hit that shot the last right? So why is it that Jesus listened? To your prayers, you're a San Antonio guard, right? Well, I mean, I would suspect that the guy who was defending you on the opposing team was also praying to the same god. I mean, it's quite narcissistic that he actually listened to you, and he completely ignored the other guy who is also praying to you. Well, I've always found the most, quietly the most narcissistic thing to say about when the athlete does the Hey, look, I can't take credit for what I just did. I'm just, you're touched by God like you all. All the other kids got ignored. And he just went straight for you and gave you and surviving a tragedy. You know? Well, what about the other people? Were they not worthy, not touched by God that can't run a four to 40? They don't have a vertical leap of 41 inches. Knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. I'll tell you someone who knows what they're doing. Legal Zoom baby smooth face most Americans. They don't have a will. They're not touched by God. You could go any time. You could be touched by a commuter train. You don't need that. People stop procrastinating. Let's get ourselves a well and you go to legal zoom dot com legal zoom. The prices are very easy. They make sense. You do it in less than 20 minutes. I'll give you the guidance you need. Start to finish it, take care of it. It's the responsible thing to do. Developed by the best legal minds in the country, they make it painless for you to get the help you need. Legal Zoom Dorset during national make a Wilmoth get special pricing on wills and living trust by entering Adam in the referral box to check out its national make a well month. So don't wait any longer. Protect your family. Protect your future legal Zoom Dotcom Legal Zoom was developed by top attorneys to provide self-help services at your specific direction, but they're not a law firm. Legal help is furnished through vetted independent attorneys. So, Dr. Gad, what can we do? I've been saying, can't we please just treat human beings like more animals and then let's just motivate them to change and whatever makes sense. Whatever that plan is, if it's throwing money at the problem, then it's throwing money at the problem of it's more billboards, its more billboards. I suspect it's not. But why doesn't the government get more involved? Slash interested in this, and it's a matter of fact I've the few politicians I've spoken to seem to be quite the opposite when it comes to this kind of stuff, like what really will affect a community that needs help and they seem to have zero plans. Well, I mean, there's a bunch of senators and congressmen in the United States who don't believe as a starting point in evolution, never mind and applying evolution to understanding the human mind. So if I can't get you to believe in the most, you know, empirically validated theory that the world has ever known, then it's going to take me quite a bit of gymnastics to be able to convince you that I'm going to use that framework to change your behavior when it comes to trans fats and Santana and safe sex. So I think it's a big challenge to get people to come. I don't with all the science that's there. I mean, I know carbon dating and all that kind of stuff. I mean, why would anyone? I mean, I know there's religion. I think I think it's one of the things that makes my job so interesting is that everybody really cares about evolution. So there's, of course, the religious folks who will say, but if if religion is true, then where's God in all this? The radical feminists will say, but if there are innate sex differences, then this is likely to promote the sexist status quo. So as evolutionists must be sexist, patriarchal pigs social construct that as these are social scientists who believe that everything is due to the environment we're born with and empty slates. Biology is unimportant, and it's only what fills our brains that makes us who we are. Yeah, they'll argue that. Well, if you believe in evolutionary theory as applied to humans, well, then you are a reductionist, you are a deterministic guy. You believe that everything is determined and hardwired into our genes, which is, of course, completely laughable. So there's there's a wide range of folks who will hate evolutionary theory because it attacks their ideological positions, not because it's on course, but I mean, it's one of these things where it's like, I got attacked. Not that I give a s**t because I got a pirate ship here, Derek, say whatever the f**k I want, but I got attacked by, you know, I said, Look, I have twins. If something happened to me and my wife, I would prefer that they be raised by a man and a woman. All things being equal now, if the gay couple or the lesbian couples got a better house and safer minivan and nearer to a nicer school system, then by all means let the gay couple raise them. I would rather a gay couple that made a nice income and were more educated. Raise them than a poor, uneducated, heterosexual couple. But all things being equal, I'll take the man and the woman. And it was like, Well, it was heresy that I said that. And you know, I've. Talking to my gay publicist about it, and it's like, well, you know, you're entitled to your opinion. That's not my opinion. It's just life. It's just nature. That's why there's a man and a woman. That's where we're at. And it's all things being equal, by the way, I don't know why. When you say all things being equal, then it goes into what was your show? Some couple of crackheads from the Inland Empire, what do you want them raising sunny Natalia versus David Geffen and his boyfriend married to gay crack? Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm. That's what I'm saying. Why do we think we can argue with what is? Are you familiar with what, what is taught in women's studies programs now? So here's why he's intimately familiar. Oh, OK. My mom was a Chicano Studies major at L.A. Valley College for about 19. So, so, so you know what it's like to see someone get poisoned. So in some of these programs, right, heterosexual preferences are just imposed by the hetero phobic patriarchy. What about with polar bears that just that, too? I know I have a friend who's a gay polar bear. You have, you know, someone who knows gay polar bear and polar bears. You understand the mama does this. The daddy goes out and forges for food, and she takes care of the cubs. Like we're going to argue, we're not going to argue with that way. That's that's that's where the human reticence in fact comes in, which basically says We're an animal that applies to animals, but we're not animals. We transcend our biology. I give a talk once at one of the leading universities in the world. And I started my career. That's how they label themselves. It really is. You could look at any ranking. They are just phenomenal on their business card or the top 2000. The top five. One of the one of the one of the people in the audience raised their hand and said, Professor, is that are you suggesting? And she sort of scoffed at this possibility. Are you suggesting that consumers are animals? I looked and I said, that's exactly what I'm suggesting, and she almost walked out of the room. It was so heretical for her that to think that I was actually arguing that they are biological mechanisms that drive consumption. Right? So again, I have this thing and I don't know. It's not not a very not a great argument, but you know, when people go, you know, Oh, OK, how come the guy's got? They build the bridges and then the gals, why they have to stay home. And I go, I don't know. That's how it is. That's what we evolved into. That's that that is it is that that I didn't make the rules. I didn't invent the thing. I didn't work it code. But I like to send Lynnette to work and I'd stay home. And when Nora, she does, if you're not saying it has to be that way, it doesn't have to. And it's not even good or bad. It's just it just is like it is. It's hard to argue with with is. I know they're assuming that one guy's holding somebody's back in order to get something, something I don't believe I did, by the way, lose when I was coming out on the academic market for my Ph.D., I lost the job, but it really top score to a person who she could ovulate, but I couldn't. And so it also works the opposite way. That's the answer. But you know, one of the things that I do in my work is I try to pick research questions that makes it very difficult for people to argue that is due to social construction. So, for example, earlier you were talking about your menstrual cycle. Yes, I was. And so I do. I've done research. I published a paper where I looked at how the menstrual cycle affects consumption. So for example, how how likely are women to beautify themselves as a function of where they are and their menstrual cycle? What did you find out? Can you predict? Well, when are you most likely to beautify yourself? I wake up pretty beautiful. I mean, your menstrual cycle. Not not when I'm feeling premenstrual. That's what I'm going to say. When you're when you're ovulating. So, so when you're ovulating, you're most likely to beautify. On the other hand, food related drives are most likely to happen during the luteal phase when you are not infertile. So either mating drive takes over or, you know, non-signatory drives, right? Right now, I specifically chose to study the ovulatory cycle with consumption because it would make it a lot more difficult for the social constructivist and the people in women's studies to say, Oh, well, it's due to social construction because it's so clearly hormonal and physiological. And so but doctor I have a friend who doubles down on the Haagen-Dazs when she's obviously eating, this is her eyebrows. She's taller than her husband, but then puts on no more makeup. So not everybody. Yes. Is dead. It's it's brilliant because there's nothing you can do about it because it's genetically it's a trait. It's born into women, obviously, and it cannot be controlled by the new. It's not conscious people think that or Alan. And it's not conscious, right? I mean, it's not as though they are. They are they are, you know, charting their ovulatory cycle. It's something that is built in. The chronological system takes over. It's built in. I mean, in the same way that we breathe without necessarily knowing the physiological mechanisms that cause us to breathe. Yes. Oh, look, it's very simple for me. I had twins, a boy and a girl. They're radically different, radically different, and nothing was ever really imposed on them. They just as long as they they're eight years old now. But when they were two, their girl liked pink and Freeling. The boy liked blue, and he liked smashing trains into each other, and she wanted to follow mommy around and play dress up. And that's a social construct. That was that was that it was this like they just were there just off and running in their own very opposite, very clearly directions. Yes. Can I build on the toy because you're talking about giraffes? So so one of the arguments that social constructivist come up with is that toy preferences are the way by which little boys and little girls are socialized into becoming of little Johnny learns to play rough with the blue truck. Little Cindy learns to play and nurturing with the pink doll. All right. So let me give you a couple of lines that I always use when I give lectures to to counter that position. So if you take rhesus and vervet monkeys, so these are cousin species and look at their toy preferences, they exactly choose the same sex specific toy preferences as human infants. If you take little girls who suffer from congenital adrenal hyperplasia, which is a and chronological disorder that makes them more masculine ized, their toy preferences become more masculine ized. Mm-Hmm. And so they are endless. If you take little children who couldn't have been socialized yet, if they're too young to have been socialized, they gaze much more at at sex specific toys. Right. And so so you could easily dismantle all the social constructivist stuff carefully. And yet they still come at you and say, No, no, no, you must be some reduction. First off, I don't know where the f**k they got their information. I'm like, Where did you learn any of this stuff? That's so wildly counterintuitive? And I think their agenda driven. So I guess. But why they claim to know anything like first off, as she said, it just is little boys play cowboys and indigenous folks and then little girls do. Theirs rolls off the tongue. And it's just it just is it. That's the way it's being. I don't know who who who was dictating the agenda 2000 years ago. I think that the root of it, at least in the social sciences, came predominately in anthropology and sociology, where people realized that a whole bunch of miscreants were misusing evolutionary theory. So, for example, the Nazis said, Hey, it's a battle of the races and we won. And hey, it's Darwinian, right? Social class elitists said, Hey, who cares if the poor die out? It's the social class struggle we want. The eugenicists said the same thing that's that's castrate the guys coming from Sicily. They're too dark that way they won't reproduce. So because a whole bunch of really nasty folks misapplied evolutionary theory, these ivory tower types came along and said, Well, let's create a new understanding of the human condition that completely absolves us of this biology. And so for a hundred years now, we've got all of these social sciences that are completely removed from what you call common sense. Well, we should all just listen to the doctor on this one, and it's an interesting deconstruction of it. I never really thought about it that way. I'm obsessed with the idea of monkeys that play with toys. Me, too. The consuming instinct is the name of the book. So until next time, then Carla, her doctor Gadd and Alison Rosen handballed Brian saying Mahalla was the toughness level of that math. Curl Classics is brought to you by GEICO. If you own or rent that, of course it's hard work, but let's make it easy for you by bundling those policies with GEICO, GEICO makes it easy to bundle your homeowner's or renter's insurance along with your auto policy, and it's a good thing because you already have so much going on. So this is what you do. You got a guy, Kokum. Get a quote and see how much you could save. How easy is that? It's Geico easy. It sure is. Visit Geico Gqom today. That's Geico.com. That clip requested by Drew in Cleveland. They shot me and it was a great clip. All right, and that will do it for Cruella classics today. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for some more Louie Anderson clips, and we will see you there. My name's Chris Luck's, a man of that superfan, Giovanni. Oh, and get on with it. And maybe. This is all Access Football with Bet Online's Dave Mason featuring this week's Guest Me, Danny Leroux, host of Real Game Radio podcast. I'm excited for the NFC Championship game because this is a dynamic we see every once in a while, which is teams facing off for the third time and actually the road team in this game won the other two, including that crazy game in the final week of the regular season. Do you think that carries over? Do you think the Rams are looking different after that win over the Bucks? Well, if you ask me the first half or this quarter, I would add a different answer. But I mean, jeez, the Rams, just in that kind, I gave you flashbacks of the Niners game as a few weeks earlier. I mean, there's room for concern there. They just were folding. I mean, luckily they won. But I mean, just watching that game. And now, my god, here's Tom Brady. Here he goes again. And you were right. I was having flashbacks of the the Falcons Super Bowl, for sure. The three, this game was twenty seven to three. Tom Brady as the ball and here we go. But they're fortune off the win. I guess that that's all that counts at the end. Yeah, I mean, the forty Niners have won both vs. the Rams this season, and they've actually won six in a row over the Rams five and one record against the spread. Those six games, so we'll see. I mean, you know, Jimmy G, though, you know that that's the elephant in the room here, and I'm concerned with Jimmy G. That versus Matt Stafford. But we'll see. We'll see on Sunday. I'm looking forward to it. This has been all access football with Bet Online's Dave Mason. Stay tuned for more all access heading throughout the entire playoff season.