SMN: All The Freaks Who Want To Be The Next Trump

Transcript

Hello and welcome. Nice to see you all today. I'm Cody Johnston, moderator of the three hundred and twenty fifth annual warm boat debate sponsored by Skin Cola Taste the Flesh. We have two candidates this evening, incumbent warm Bo and challenging candidates, warm bow. Worn bow worn bow, Mr Cody, for the sake of clarity, tonight, I will refer to worn bow as worn but worn bow and the other worn bow as worn by warm bow warm bow. We will begin with a question for warm bow, warm bow. We're going bow your opponent. Warm bow, warm up. Warm bow claims that you're not warm. Bow enough to be warm bow. How do you respond? Are you talking to me? I don't freaking know, man. What are we even doing? Am I dead? Is this hell? Nothing is wrong with the county. This is all completely normal. On second thought, this is all completely normal. Moreover, I really want to drink some skin right now. Additionally, I want to talk about the first Republican primary debate, which will also be a completely normal event. Just like this one is my bleeding. All the GOP freaks running for president. We'll be right back with more warm bows. But first, an entire episode of some more news. And here's some more news. The first Republican primary debate is happening on August 23rd in the horny city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, home of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Congratulations on that one world's fair prize. I don't have a world's fair prize, do you anyway? Super depressing stuff. I haven't even started the episode, but I'm already very sad. Deep, deep inside my chest ball. Election seasons are, after all, an ever lengthening and crushing darkness in which were only allowed brief gasps for the air in which a better world feels possible. But now we're back in the sad hole, and this year the RNC is at least shaking things up by allowing full contact oil wrestling. I'm so sorry. That's OK. They changed some debate rules to make them more exclusive this year. Each candidate has to gain donations from 40000 national contributors and also pull above one percent. But more importantly, they also have to sign a pledge saying that they will support whoever wins the primary. Which brings us to our new old segment. I wonder why I wonder why I wonder why they're scared that candidates wouldn't do that. This is me just sitting here wondering why. This has been. I wonder why wondering why aside, I actually don't think losing candidates should be required to support the primary winner, and when you think about it, forcing them to is really messed up. It's very clear that the GOP is recovering from something like like a trauma. They experience the sort of treasonous elephant in the room, kind of. And perhaps related sticky don is reportedly sitting out this debate, probably because of all the crimes, but to be fair and balanced, maybe because of all the other crimes. And honestly, is he really sitting it out? Did I not just mention the metaphorical elephant in the literal room? Will he not still be very much there despite him physically not being there also? I don't know. Maybe he's going to burst out of one of the podiums and do a stone cold stunner on Mike Pence, who actually also might not be there. He just qualified a day before we filmed this, which is two weeks before the debate, so we reserve the right to update information on screen or I don't know, like cut in with footage of me on a cell phone to give updates. It's a little hard to tell who will be attending. So we thought we'd just talk about all the freaks that might be there and not Trump specifically, because come on, you know, his entire deal at this point, right? He's the Home Alone two guy did the McDonald's and the racism and treason? Remember the attempted treason? You remember? So we're going to talk about all the other freaks who are trying to be president, even though, let's face it, they are probably not going to be. This entire pageant is mostly for book deals, future hosting positions, maybe maybe vice president, or maybe maybe a single dinner directed by David Lynch. So this will be fun. Yeah, and totally not weird him. Totally not weird, OK? Who are we starting with? Chris Christie absolutely not going to win. Oh yeah, he's not going to win. Are we really going to do a whole segment on him? OK, I guess it seems like we could just move to the next one. He is, after all, the only candidate very directly denouncing everything coming out of Donald Trump's mouth. Spoilers for the other upcoming dip shoots we'll be talking about, along with not being very likable and also a member of a political party that has no good solutions or opinions. Christie's biggest problem in the primary is that he actually seems to have a single burning ember of self-respect. A final, smoldering warmth in the icy flood of denial just hot enough to fuel this lone GOP holdout brave enough to admit that an obvious liar and criminal is in fact an obvious liar and criminal. Look, you don't understand Donald Trump. It's just a show off. He wants to continue to act like he's president. He can't live with the fact that he's not. And so that's why he kept those documents. It seems childish and stupid, and it is. It's Trump. He's a three time loser. He ends by saying, Loser, loser, loser. Well, listen, the legal theory put forward by his legal team and by the president is an absurdity, and the reason why the Supreme Court didn't take it is because it's an absurd idea to think that any state or any number of states, no matter how good they are, can challenge in other states right to run the election as they see fit. And also, there's no evidence, as I've been saying since election night, show us the evidence and what's gotten. Even worse, though, Martha, I think is is the attacks by the president on good, hard working, decent Republican governors. Oh yes. Won't somebody think of the governors? So Christie is running on an anti-Trump platform and will, in theory, maybe possibly qualify for the primary debates. So it's theoretically easy to think of Christie as a reasonable option for the GOP. After all, the man once unironically thanked Obama. He's somewhat known for reaching across the aisle and was once very much liked by Democrats and liberals in his state of New Jersey. It's a blue state, after all, and they voted for him. He's also done stuff that is kind of fun, like getting into loud arguments with Rand, those on the street. But more importantly than the hoot that that is, he has a streak of going after corruption within his own ranks. As the state's attorney general, he oversaw the prosecution of 130 elected officials, along with a bunch of other corruption cases, including a Charles Kushner last name. Sounds familiar like like some kind of childhood slender man in nightmare re-emerging in the static of my fear memories. Boy, a lot of old scabs getting picked out in this episode. I now realize, anyway, he seems cool ish at first, locking up Jared Kushner's dad counts for something, even if he later got pardoned by our very good fraud president. But of course, I am now done listing the good stuff because besides Trump, Chris Christie's biggest nemesis as governor has been for some reason. The teachers union seems a little weird. Those are your two biggest enemies. It's like Iron Man fought Thanos and also a local dog shelter. Christie has had numerous and heated public fights with union officials and at one point even said that teachers unions deserve a punch in the face. He seems generally angry at the concept of learning. He once referred to public schools as failure factories that quote send children on a no stop route to prison and two failed dreams, and said that he'd be happy to take as many dollars away from them as possible. Did a school f**k his wife like? Yeah, there is something to be said about the school to prison pipeline. But he's not saying it. That's not what he's saying. And he's not the only Republican who hates teachers unions. But it's a very weird and funny thing to be this mad at. And it probably has something to do with the teachers union originally fighting against Christie's original run for governor. Seems like they weren't wrong to do that, considering that he spent a bizarre amount of time threatening to literally fight them. So that's interesting how Christie seems really spiteful against people who refuse to support him as a candidate. It's it's such an Trumpian behavior from the brave anti-Trump Christopher Christie. But heck, you know, it's it's just the one instance. It's not like there's a second example of Chris Christie in spitefully sabotaging a public necessity simply because someone didn't support him as a candidate. Former Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie is facing some new allegations coming out of that so-called Bridgegate scandal. A key witness for the prosecution is now claiming for the first time publicly that Christie was in fact aware of those lane closures that led to a massive traffic jam. Man, we are taking a real walk down memory lane or rather a crawl down memory lane because memory lane was purposefully closed down on a high traffic day in a political revenge plot that would result in a terrifying delay in emergency response for regular citizens. Yeah, not so f**king reasonable of a guy. When you remember Bridgegate, which, while never legally connected to Christie, led to the indictment of two people working for Christie, who plotted to shut down the George Washington Bridge on the first day of school in order to punish the mayor of Fort Lee for not endorsing Christie's reelection. Really petty jersey s**t that, as I already said, put the citizens of Fort Lee in life threatening danger, while the governor reportedly made jokes about the situation in real time. So, yeah, perhaps it's good that Chris Christie isn't going to be president any time soon or ever. He seems like a real Trump type, if you ask me, you know, an a*****e and an embarrassing one at that. You might think it's good that he's standing up to Trump, but it's not like he didn't also do that back in 2016. As Trump draws the battle lines, a feud with Governor Chris Christie is heating up. Christie not only picking up an endorsement from an influential New Hampshire newspaper, but the New Jersey governor now strongly refuting Trump's claims that he saw on television Muslims in New Jersey celebrating on 911. Is it appropriate for a presidential candidate to use the word schlonged in that way? I am not going to respond to everything that comes out of Donald Trump's mouth. Boy, I don't even remember what that last clip was concerning. Apparently, Trump used the word schlonged on the campaign trail, which in retrospect might be the funniest thing he ever did. But the point is that Christie really schlonged the Trump card in that first presidential race before coming in sixth in New Hampshire, dropping out and endorsing Trump a few weeks later. Christie was rewarded for his subservience by being booted from Trump's transition team and then getting a bad case of COVID at a Trump event. In other words, it's not hard to imagine the future of this very sad man who is currently being called fat untruth social by the big fat, most probable winner of the next GOP primary. Christie will no doubt have to fall in line once more. Perhaps so Trump can give him a wet willy and then accidentally kill him with a champagne cork. Oh, Chris Corky. Because these are spineless GOP politicians, after all. And if Donald Trump wants to call your wife ugly or spit on your kids or spit in your mouth while your kids watch, then by God, you best let him. I don't know. In fairness, Christie is very directly calling out other candidates for auditioning to be on Trump's team. So maybe he's done for good this time? Who knows? Good luck with your book deal or whatever plan you have to. One day once again be able to close a beach to the public and then be photographed going there yourself. This is all, of course, going to be a running theme. The Cirque du Soleil level gymnastics of claiming that they would be a better president than Trump, while making sure not to anger Trump so much that his supporters literally tried to murder them. Watching these weird freaks squirm is probably the only solace we have right now, so let's enjoy it while we can, right? Warm both. I'll make love to your wife, found Jesus. Why does it sound like that? Sound like what, Mr. Cody? Impregnated with my three seed, I think I should call someone. Why don't we wait for some eggs, Mr. Cody? I don't agree with the. That reminds me. For some reason, we should probably break for ads, right? Then we'll come back and talk more about the many lovable a*****es who we don't love that are going to try to be the president if Trump dies. Enjoy the ads and the skin. Delicious, flaky skin. What? Hi, it's me, Cody. Here to tell you about a big one. You know, before I was a newsman, I was, of course, the child star from the hit 90s TV show Skin Foot. 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So if you want to take ownership of your health, try AG one and get a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free one travel packs with your first purchase. Go to drink you on RT.com. Slash more news. That's drink you one rt.com. Slash more news. Check it out, then check out Skin Foot. It's on Blu Bo or wherever you get your streaming shows. What's up, news hoagies. That's what we call news subs in Philly, where I'm definitely from. You know, some nights I'm so distracted thinking about, I don't know the Liberty Bell that I can't fall asleep. And when I do get to sleep, why I wake up in the middle of the dark night. That's sure sticks my cheese, I tell you. But with the pod covered by eight sleep, I get a full night's rest. That's because the pod cover automatically adjusts my temperature during the night, which is wonderful because I'm super sweaty at night. It's gross, but not anymore. It works just like our regular fitted sheet, except it's wicked, high tech and even tracks. You're asleep during the night. Go Red Sox. Temperature is one of the biggest reasons we wake up at night. That and having to run to donkeys. So it's great to have a fitted sheet that actually cools and warms depending on your custom body temperature. I have never ex perience sleep like this before. Mm hmm. So invest in the rest you desert with the eight sleep pod. Go to sleep dot com, slash more news and save $150 on the pod cover by eight sleep. That's the best offer you'll find, but you must visit eight sleep.com/ more news or $150 off. Eight. Sleep currently shipped to the USA, Canada, the UK, select countries in the EU and Australia. Take it from me. Chicago's very own Katie still to talk to us and we are back with the warm Bo debates brought to you by. Appears to be a drawing of me as a child. It's really accurate to. My screaming. Why do I suddenly remember this moment? OK, well, we're out of luck with the other one go, oh, no, no, no. Nobody, nobody move. Nobody move, OK, feet off the ground, OK? Tuck your pants into your socks. All right, that he's crawling around to under my chair. Oh. Oh oh thank Christ. Dude, where do you go? I just do. Hey, you know what? Let's talk about Larry Elder. That seems slightly less disturbing than whatever's going on here. And just as a general label, this is going to be our people you couldn't even try to care about and who might not be at the debate section of the video. Sorry. Maybe they'll get a position in Trump's office if he wins the election before going to jail and whatever the my opponent wants to eat your legs. But what f**king what? What? Warm, though it's a debate, Mr. Cody, right? Well, could you maybe debate without talking Kindersley Goat? Oh, good. They communicate telepathically. Larry Elder is certainly a person, is he though Larry seems less like a person and more like an amalgamation of every right wing slash libertarian talk radio personality depicted in pop culture? His proposals while running for governor include, but are not limited to getting rid of the federal minimum wage, eliminating welfare and killing discrimination protections for pregnant women in the workplace. In fact, Larry seems to really not like women, having claimed that women have exaggerated sexism and domestic violence in this country. He's a real 90s sexist mocking things like PMS and saying that women know less about politics than men. Add that to the openly endorsing pregnancy discrimination thing, and it's like, OK, dude, we get it. You suck in a really boring way. What's next is going to go around pointing guns at women. Oh, I guess he's way ahead of me there. Well, along with hating women, Larry also thinks racism is no big deal. Same, of course, with climate change and COVID. Again, just real basic conservative talking points, which is what you'd expect from a guy who started a radio talk show in the 90s and has contorted to the party ever since, most recently embracing the MAGA of it all. Although, to be fair, I guess Larry was actually one of, if not the first right wingers to nurture Stephen Miller, giving the little smooth Nazi boy a podium when he was just six years old. So Larry Elder just kind of sucks in a really insidious but also uninteresting way. Like, if the Zodiac Killer left Sudoku puzzles, he sucks so hard that it's thought that Larry helped Gavin Newsom win his recall election by being so unlikable that voters veered far away from his right wing rhetoric. I don't know if you remember this, but people did not like Newsom, so it's pretty funny that Larry couldn't even leverage that. And now he's joining the GOP primary. And I don't know, man seems unlikely. And just like all these other hilarious dips, he has to dance around the whole Trump issue. And gosh darn it. Does Larry have two left feet? Larry, I want you to answer a question because I asked Mark Davis this in Dallas. Mm hmm. And Sean Hannity won't answer it. Give a straight answer. Everybody's given a convoluted air is why don't you answer the question until instead of telling me how everybody else answered it? Maybe we could save some time. OK, I'm only asking Republicans. So they don't. Well, well, well, whenever you get around to answering the question, I'm happy to answer it. OK, Larry, I think he was about to ask it. So just give him a moment. Why don't you just say, Hey Larry, I have a question for you and I'll respond. Larry, I got a question for you. OK, I got a question for you. OK? What is it? And I respond to Donald Trump. See how easy that was? Hey, hey, see. See how easy that was. How quick that was. You need to tell me what other people said. You never tell me that. You only give it to two Republicans. You just said, Hey, Larry, I got a question for you. And we could have gotten to the point, Larry. He's clearly asking the question, Who's the one stopping us from getting to the point? Oh man, I'm going to love it, Larry. I doubt, I doubt. I doubt that you're going to love it, but we'll see. f**king Christ, Larry. Just shut your mouth for one moment, please. Sorry. OK, one more try. Here we go. OK, did Donald Trump win? I mean, lose the 2020 election? Did he lose it? Yes. Fair and square. I wouldn't say fair and square, but he lost it. Here we go. I know it. All right now, I've got a question for you. Did Hillary the Hillary lose the election in 2016? Yes, fair and square. Yes. OK. Hillary doesn't believe she lost the election fair and square. Do you agree with that, Hayes? Would you accept that? All right. You asked me the question. I know I'm asking you another question. Now, this is the third question now. It's a new question. Does Hillary believe she lost the election fair and square? You know, Donald Trump does not. That's why you called. Does Hillary believes she lost the election fair and square in 2016 from her comments? I don't think so. OK, then. All right, do we have two presidential candidates, neither of whom believe they lost the election fair and square? Here's my fourth question my fifth question. Fifth, fifth, fifth question. Hayes Why hasn't Hillary's Facebook page been shut down the way Donald Trump's been since you've been promoting the Big Lie longer than Donald Trump because she did not start a insurrection at the Capitol? Oh, I see, so it's OK to have a big lie if you don't start an insurrection? Come on, man. I'm not the equivalent of that. Why don't you answer my question? Hey, you said, you said, Hey, wait a minute, let's not talk over each other. Yeah. Take that Hayes. You random person that Larry Elder can barely maintain. Not even a debate, but a conversation with you. Hayes My goodness. That was embarrassing. But hey, now I hope he qualifies for the debates, because that will at least be a little fun. Let's move on before I die from boredom. Robert F. Kennedy Jr.. Absolutely terrifying. Oh my God. Right? RFK Jr., Man, where to begin? I swear the GOP just keeps finding the biggest weirdos. Oh, right, right. Sorry. And we were sure we're OK. And it seems like he should just run as a Republican, you know, because they're funding him and the free market solutions to climate change and all that. But. OK, so I guess he doesn't count. Let's move on to, I don't know, something exciting. Tim Scott will settle for BP. I said exciting you demon s**ts, sorry. Not your fault. OK, well, having two first names is kind of exciting, even if they are the two most boring first names that exist. Wait. OK. New angle. New angle. OK. Tim Scott might not be exciting, but he is interesting. Interesting in that he might be walking the tightest of tight ropes of all of these candidates when it comes to his devotion to the GOP. And he's not bad at it, but also not great at it. And a good example is how he talks about the Jan. six insurrection attempt that he himself was present for. Former President Trump has just announced that he has been told he is the target in an investigation of the January 6th attack on the Congress. As someone who was there that day, and let's set aside the legal case, what level of responsibility do you believe he bears for? What happened? And I will say as a person who was targeted on that day, I'll never forget taking my jacket off, rolling my sleeves up and finding a few pins to defend myself. Presumably, presumably until I died. I hold the folks who broke into the Capitol with ill will in their hearts, destroying property responsible for their actions. I don't hold the former president who didn't show up at the Capitol and threatened my life as responsible, even though former President Trump or President Trump at the time tweeted Be there will be wild. There's no level of culpability there. I think there's no level culpability. The question I'm answering is the one that I think is as relevant, which is that who do I hold responsible for the actions on that day? I can only hold responsible the very people who threaten my life and the former president do not threaten my life. Out out, OK? All right, I'm going to have to bring that for a second. So he holds the people who threatened his life to such an extent that he thought he was going to have to fight to the death. He holds them responsible as in accountable or liable to be called on to answer for that event. But that doesn't mean that Trump isn't also culpable or merit condemnation or blame, especially as wrong or harmful. So if he thinks Trump is responsible for Jan. six and the attack on Tim Scott's life, his answer is no. But Trump is to blame. And I guess should be punished then. Right? Because legally speaking, the word culpable is actually worse than responsible, because culpable implies a direct involvement. So Tim's effort to sidestep the question ironically ends up being a direct attack on Trump. I would also posit a correct direct attack. And in a lot of ways, Tim Scott's career has been an attempt to sidestep a lot of obvious problems while accidentally shining a light on them. He got his start in the olden days of nineteen hundred and ninety five simpler times where boys were on the side and the young Timothy Scott became the first black Republican elected to any office in South Carolina since 1932. Later in 2012, he would once again take our record by becoming the first black Republican senator from the South since the Reconstruction era and the first black Republican senator in America since the 70s. And so just by existing in his position, Tim Scott immediately pointed out a pretty messed up thing about his party. Although to be offended, it's not like the Democrats are any better. And to his credit. Scott didn't fully sidestep that position. For example, he very publicly supported the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina State House, saying quote, It remains part of our state's rich and provocative history. But for so many, the flag signifies pain and division that has no home here, and that does not represent the present or the future of our great state. I do not believe that the vast majority of those who support the flag have hate in their hearts, but it is clear that this is the right step forward for our state. You see how good he did there. Mostly, he stressed the whole heritage line while still speaking out against the flag. It's like he's a politician or some s**t. But even when highlighting very clear examples of racism rooted in our government, as well as filling his memoir with personal stories of targeted racist threats, Tim Scott amazingly maintains let's call it an optimistic view. I would SimpliSafe that America is not a racist country. Period. I don't apologize for that conclusion. That no worries, Tim. I don't need you to apologize for being wrong about a thing. My evidence being just, you know, looking at your own career as the only black Republican senator who only five years ago had to fight his own party not to confirm two openly racist judges, he succeeded there. Thank deity, but not before saying that the GOP was, quote, not doing a very good job of avoiding the obvious potholes on race in America. That's a fun way to put it. Gee, Tim, I wonder why they weren't avoiding the obvious potholes. It's almost as if they didn't care if they hit them right? Hey, Tim, when you introduced that anti-lynching bill back in twenty eighteen, which party hit the brakes on it? Could it have been perhaps the GOP, your party, Tim, who didn't like your anti-lynching bill because they thought it was too quote broad? Fun fact for Tim. Specifically, that bill would later be passed, but only after the Democrats took the majority. But Tim isn't a Democrat, nor does he agree with progressives about this whole defunding the police stuff. The truth is that we are still negotiating on police reform. We hit a roadblock based on a couple of areas. One of the most important areas was Is it OK to limit funding to grants if local police don't meet a certain standard or don't qualify based on some parameters? I say no, they say yes, you know the whole defund the police conversation that's been going on. And what we've seen is that unfortunately, a lot of the cities have literally tried defunding the police to see if it works. The answer is doesn't work very well. Doesn't work, he says. No. But they say yes to it. Do we have a clip of Democrats embracing the defunding of police? Our bill says that we will defund the department if they don't ban chokeholds. Oh, that's odd. That sure looks like Tim Scott back in 2020, flat out supporting the defunding of police while he was trying to pass a police reform bill. That bill was actually killed by a. That's because they didn't think it went far enough. But of course, both Tim and Democrats did a big ol 180 on this once it got super cool to pretend like defunding the police was a bad thing that actually happened. But that's literally another video we did. Point is that Tim goes with the flow, even when the flow is horrifying and he's very good at pretending a terrible thing doesn't exist. Is conservatism ready to accept and support LGBT families as part of our animating commitment to families? So I think it's a simple question. I think you decide the family that you construct. I think our courts have settled that issue. And I don't know anyone that's having a conversation about who you love is. I'm not, and I don't need Republicans who are at all at this point, to be honest with you. Oh, Tim. So when asked about the Republican opposition to LGBTQ people, Tim just says it doesn't exist, is briefly silent and then shrugs, It's got real. My biggest fault is that I work too much. Job interview vibes. It's also odd that he can't think of any Republicans who take issue with gay people, since he literally defended one for having those exact views on the view no less. For which he was booed for saying the kids were indoctrinated by Disney because of gay people wanting to love each other, which he claims is totally fine with his party, who don't like gay people wanting to love each other. He also used that view visit to continue to argue that America isn't a racist country. Despite, you know, all the things I've already said just about Tim Scott's career. And so this is all to say he's going to make a good vice president or at least token cabinet member for the Clown House of Trump or the slightly more Nazi Clown House of DeSantis. After all, he's not alone in his idea that racism isn't systemic. And despite claiming do not like racists, he voted in line with Trump nearly 97 percent of the time while he was the president. He said to be a good fundraiser and well-liked by the other candidates, and why wouldn't they like him? He stands out while simultaneously conforming to the will of his party. So, yeah, not going to be the Prez, but he could be a good VP prez to the racist guy. Either of them. OK, let's keep this f**k train going. But first, more ads. Oh hell yeah, we love them. We love ads on the f**k train, which we are on you. Hey there, sport. It's summer. That means beach trips, vacation getaways and catch and grasshoppers. So many grasshoppers, thousands upon thousands of pounds of grasshoppers filling your shed with them and then buying this second shed and fill in that shed. It's fun, but it's also a lot of stress. And that's why I take CBD gummies from next Evo Naturals. Their product is vigorously tested and designed to be fast absorbing and a stress reducing. There's a lot of CBD products out there, just like how there are a lot of grasshoppers waiting to be kidnapped. But next, Evo Naturals make sure their product is of a higher quality so you know exactly what you're getting. I got to tell you. I don't know why I have all these grasshoppers, but it just didn't feel like they will come in handy someday. So, you know, it's a lot to manage. And thank goodness I can relax and sleep well with next level stress, CBD complex and triple action CBD sleep gummies. So leave summer stress behind and upgrade your CBD. Go to next vivo.com/ more news to get 25 percent off and a free bottle of premium. A pure CBD $50 value limit. One use per customer that's an e x t v o.com/. More news. Benzinga I finally made a sale on my online retail shopping store. I sell pictures of other people's cars. You see, I go to their house, take my little pictures and then sell them the picture or else. And if you have an online or real life store, you could check out Shopify and their point of sale system. It's a command center that manages every aspect of your store. Even Kodi is cantankerous car camera cantina where your car is my hostage. Shopify actually unites your online and in-person sales all in one place, and they'll even help you drive store traffic with tools built for advertising on TikTok and Instagram or wherever. I advertise exclusively on the dark web because my ads lack the civility of the common world. So why not make your business easy? Seriously, seriously, why not do that? It would be weird not to sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/ more news All lowercase. Go to Shopify dot com. Slash more news to take your retail business to the next level. Two day Shopify.com/ more news Additional improvisation Based on the concept of this bit, I forget what it was. So end of AD Hey, now welcome back to the show about people and puppets and debate, but mainly puppets. It's the warm BO debate, I guess, is the premise, which is odd because I don't remember allowing this or even coming to the studio today. Hey, what are we even debating for anyway? You Oh, so that's the worst answer you could have given. Thank you. Don't be afraid. How's my mouth smooth like a person's vagina? OK, yeah. I hate that. You could have just said smooth like a dolphin. Hey, warm bow. Original warm bow. Get good, warm boat. Chief God, is that where we're at now? OK? Warm bow. How worried do I need to be right now? Not what we did on Mr. Cody. Mr. Cody is cool. Like you come back. Very relieved to hear that. Also, I kind of want to lay naked on a salad for some reason. Let's continue with the show. After all, we're surely coming upon the main event, the guy you're all waiting to hear me talk about. So let's pull the curtain. You know you want to join us on the campaign trail. You can do that. I often open up. I say, my name is Vivek. It rhymes with cake. It ain't about thee. It is in me. It is about the United States is about liberty. So Fox and Friends join us on the trail. We'll have some fun. I'll see you at the trail. Very nicely done, sir. Oh, that's a shame. The Vake rallies slamming the worst timeline. Did he rhyme trail with trail? I think he did. Sick, sick stuff. The noun version of sick, to be clear, like a puddle of sick left by an elderly pet. You know, the best raps say that they're rhyming when they rhyme. I'm slim shady. It rhymes with imitating classic good rap move. Hey, Vivek, if your name rhymes with cake, you could have just said, My name is Vivek. I really like cake. Then we would know both that your name rhymes with cake and a fun little fact about you. Apparently, you say that all the time while you're campaigning, maybe workshop it a little bit more. Anyway, let's get back on track. All right. The important thing is that I read his rap verbatim to you. My name is Vivek. It rhymes with cake. It ain't about thee. It is Im bout me. It is about V. The United States is about liberty. So Fox and Friends join us on the trail. We'll have some fun. I'll see you out the trail. Preplanned bit that he did on TV. You get it. He's a libertarian rapper from Harvard, folks. Seriously, that is an accurate description of a vague it rhymes with cake Ramaswamy, who occasionally goes by the alter ego Dave Ake and also wants to be our president president Dove Ake. What's up with libertarian rapper politicians who suck also? I sure hate that Stranger Things have actually happened, so maybe this is just how things are now. And just from what little I've told you so far, he really seems like the worst person to corner you at a party. But don't worry, Vivek also has terrible opinions, which probably doesn't surprise anyone who's fully absorbed the whole libertarian rapper thing that I just cannot stop stressing is a real thing about this guy. What I'm saying is that actually its policies like that of Lyndon Johnson and Joe Biden that are actually holding Black Americans back to the war on poverty. Yes, and in particular, his great society, where he actually created incentives in the family, where if you're a family, you could actually get more money by not having the father in the home. Guess what you get? You get what you pay for. I think it's been really bad for the black community. I think it's really bad for all Americans. Black people secured their freedoms after the Civil War and is a historical fact. Don just study it only after their Second Amendment rights were secured that were not secured their freedoms after the Civil War. That is not. You are discounting reconstruction. You just can't be a whole host of things that happened after the Civil War. When it comes to African-Americans, including the whole reason that the civil rights movement happened is because black people did not secure their freedoms after the Civil War and that things turned around. People tried to change the freedoms that was opposing. You know how they got it. They got their Second Amendment rights and they actually got the NRA played a big role in that. But today, Don, the NRA did not play a big role in they trained how to use firearms. That's a lie. That's not. The NRA did not play a big role. This is just historical fact. But the part that I find, as you say, it's historical fact that I find insulting. I think he might be on cocaine, too. Anyway, no. Objectively speaking, the NHRA and Second Amendment did not secure the freedoms of black people in this country, and I feel like I don't really need to fact check that one also. And this is sort of off the cuff, but technically, technically, the Second Amendment helped people try to continue denying the freedoms of black people in this country. They did a war about it. Anyway, pretty much everything that comes out of Dove AIG's mouth is a bit unhinged and factually wrong. But he talks so fast that he doesn't really give you time to register it most of the time. It probably comes as no shock that he's very, very rich thanks to investing in biotech and pharmaceutical companies, which I guess he has to pretend that he hates now because of COVID or something. Again, worst guy at the party. Some other very obviously bad ideas that Dave has is to abolish the Department of Education and get rid of teachers unions. Man, they all hate. Teachers raise the voting age to twenty five unless you pass a civics test or serve in the military and get rid of affirmative action. Which brings us to our very brief segment. Hey, the vague. They were fake, raising the voting age. Does this have anything to do with young people leaning more progressive? Hey, Vivek, are you familiar with previous U.S. laws requiring taking a test in order to vote? Hey, Vivek, if somebody can't pass the civics test when they're twenty five and then they turn twenty six, can they vote? Hey, Vivek, if somebody is forty five and they decide to take the civics test for fun but fail the test, can they still vote? Hey, Vivek. If so, why? Hey, Vivek, do you think it's going to be popular to raise the voting age by seven years? Hey, Vivek, you want to raise the voting age, but you're just three years older than the lower limit to be president and you want to be president? Hey, Vivek, get f**ked. It rhymes with cake. This has been Hey, the Vivek. Oh, also, the big thinks that while climate change is real and recognizes that it's caused by fossil fuels, the solution is to burn more fossil fuels in order to cause economic growth that he thinks will pay to solve climate change. Am I getting that right? He claims that he isn't the climate denier. And then also says stuff like this. Republicans dance around this issue a little bit too delicately. I say it expressly we need to abandon climate religion in America. That's the easiest step to unshackle our economy the way it is in the midsection of that fun little Venn diagram of right wing libertarians who aren't delusional enough to outright deny reality, but also can't reconcile that with their core beliefs. He knows that climate change is a problem, but loves capitalism and the free market too much to take the next logical step. He's also running in a party that is the only major political party on the planet to historically deny climate change is even happening. Hey, Vivek. How do we have a climate religion in this country when half of us f**king morons don't even think it's real? You see this tension clearly when Vivek talks about woke ism and more specifically, corporate woke ism, which he wrote a whole book on and is almost actually correct about see what Ramaswamy has spoken to is the fact that most companies very cynically support social justice causes as a way to earn good PR while distracting from these s**tty things that they do. And he says their efforts are ineffective. I agree. We've done videos about that exact thing. But what Vivek also claims is that these cynical and ineffective attempts at woke ism are also destroying society. That new disease, that new infection is spreading across our country like wildfire, it is one that even the best of science is not going to cure and that new diseases called woke culture. This is more like mutual prostitution and it is working. And the net result is the rise of America's newest Leviathan, the woke industrial complex. It is no longer just Wall Street. It is no longer just Silicon Valley. It is the entirety of corporate America as we know it. Wokeness, a disease powerful taking over the world, and it's working. But also, it's not working. We have a system of capitalism that is insulated, or at least historically has been from partisan politics. First of all, that makes companies more successful. Bud Light is just one example among many, and that's what the whole book is about the capitalist punishment book that's out today. That is about why companies are more successful when they are not encumbered by these environmental and social agendas. It's that thing where he wants to portray woke ism as being weak, but also demonize it as all powerfully destructive. It boggles the mind or is a common tactic, whatever. And probably the best example of this is a story out of Rome, a swamis campaign when he was asked to rap. Sorry, that's not right. When Vivek was out on the trail, he was asked to clarify the meaning of A. woke and responded by saying quote, I've never used that word to actually describe myself literally. At the same time, his staff was handing out stickers that said, Stop woke ism vote vague. It's all pretty standard, contradictory stuff. And his anti wokeness is what you would generally expect. He's, of course, against trans rights and really just defines wokeness as people calling out bigotry and following climate science, which is what a lot of anti woke ism boils down to. In one New Yorker interview, he spoke out against affirmative action and claimed that systemic racism was only a thing that happened in the past, and the only example he gave was the era of slavery. And like, yep, that's certainly the most obvious and nuanced example. Good work, de Vache. Anyhoo, his evidence that systemic racism didn't exist anymore was because he knew a white conservative guy at Harvard that was considered uncool by his classmates and argued that he would be deemed socially inferior to quote some athletic black kid who came and got a place on the basketball team. Not a specific black kid. Mind you just a hypothetical one. So, yeah, to recap that racism was a problem. Like back during slavery times. But it's not a problem anymore, because Vake once knew a white guy at Harvard that wasn't as cool as an imagined black person. It's an airtight argument no air getting in or out of there. Meanwhile, the VIX hate for corporate wokeness, a cynical capitalist cash grab is uniquely mixed with a bats**t reverence for capitalism itself. And then when that merges with capitalism, which is what I've actually been the biggest critic of, what it does is we lose the sanctuary, the apolitical sanctuary in our economy that otherwise brings us together, whether we're black or white, even whether we're Democrat or Republican. That's one of the underappreciated reasons why capitalism has to stay apolitical. That's right, wokeness hurts the sanctuary of capitalism, which in his mind is totally apolitical. One of the. Things he cites in his just terrible book is that American style capitalism has saved people in India because people there can deliver for Domino's Pizza and quote my family tips him to show their appreciation. So I don't know. Maybe, maybe it's bad to elect someone apparently born yesterday and also very funny that he often claims climate activism is a religion while also talking about capitalism like it's a monastery. But nonetheless, he contends that the real problem in America is that young people have glommed on to wokeness instead of an unquestioning nationalism, which is why, as mentioned, he wants to move up the voting age unless you pass a civics test. As a young person, I feel some responsibility. We are all hungry for a cause. We're hungry for purpose and meaning and identity. That's the vacuum at the heart of our soul. So wokeness or gender ideology or the climate cult that will fill the void. But what we need to do for the next generation, Charles, is fill that void of identity with the vision of American national identity that runs so deep that it dilutes the woke agenda to irrelevance. It's actually a little chilling when you realize what he's saying, which is that he wants to make laws built to encourage blind nationalism instead of the celebration of diversity in this country. He has explicitly said that he doesn't think diversity is a strength. And while I don't think this guy is a Nazi or anything like that, he is very blindly following for those same talking points, which is probably why he's a very popular guest on right wing shows and possibly is being boosted because he pulls votes away from dissenters to favor Trump. But I don't know. Maybe he knows exactly what he's doing. A bad example of him knowing what he's doing is maybe him saying that Juneteenth is a useless holiday. Two months after posting a video celebrating it, though I don't know, he just seems like a real simple dupe and a super duper who has spent too much time online and just wants to sell his book. And therefore it's not special since I could describe several candidates that way. The Haiti, that's where is this even coming from, Cody, I must say not trust warm. I never trust warmth. Right? That's a good point. Hey, have you seen the new Shark movie? I should probably get back to the video talk later. Something's. Not right. I can see the endless. Nikki Haley hilariously optimistic. Boy, I feel great. I think I just took a nap. I remember an intangible darkness, that's for sure. Speaking of, we should talk about South Carolina's Nikki Haley, who, much like everyone on this list, probably isn't going to be the president of the United States. Nikki is very similar to Tim Scott in that they were colleagues from the same state and are clearly vice president material. And they've got two first names. What's more, they both have the distinction of almost believing in things while also falling in line with the goodness of their own party. She was also several firsts in her state, such as the first woman and minority governor. She did this by writing the Tea Party wave, one of many right wing fads she would ultimately contort to appease while in office. She dealt with both police brutality and white supremacist violence, specifically the execution of Walter Scott while he was fleeing a police officer and the Dylann Roof mass shootings of nine black churchgoers. She's actually the one who pulled the Confederate flag from her state's capital, which Tim Scott supported her on. There was a time where she really vaguely seemed focused on actual governing back in 2021. She called out the culture war obsession as a distraction for America and has even admitted that her own party has been terrible at winning over voters. We've lost the popular vote in the last seven out of eight presidential elections. Our cause is right, but we have failed to win the confidence of a majority of Americans. That is now. If you're tired and losing. Put your trust in a new generation. And if you want to win not just as a party, but as a country, then stand with me. Oh, I love it when they almost figure it out. She realizes that the GOP is unpopular and that the culture war is a shallow attempt at winning voters. But she insists that her party still has good ideas. So what are those ideas? Tell us, Nikki. Yet 90 percent of American kids are still under critical race theory, where if a little girl goes into kindergarten, if she's white, you're telling her she's bad. If she's brown or black, you're telling her she's never going to be good enough and she's always going to be a victim. You've got biological boys playing in girls sports. It is the women's issue of our time. Where is everybody? Y'all know about Dillon Mulvaney? But light. Make no mistake, that is a guy dressed up like a girl making fun of women. OK, so that is Nikki, our anti culture war candidate who is sick of the GOP losing all the time now in twenty twenty three and waging what do I call it, when when a person like battles over our culture, some there's a word for it. But I guess, according to her, trans people in sports are the biggest women's issue of our time. It makes sense. Can't think of any other modern thing happening that might affect women. Hey. Totally unrelated Segway. How does she feel about abortion? Well, Nikki does not think that women should be executed for having one. So I guess she's a moderate, according to today's definition. It's one more tightrope that she's really trying to walk with her own party, who perhaps doesn't actually have good or popular ideas, and for that reason keeps defaulting to yelling at a beer company. Again, Real Tim Scott vibes in that she longs for her party to be taken seriously, but ultimately just falls into the Trumpy conga line in order to survive politically. Don't get me wrong. She's a girl. You just heard what she said about trans people, but she's got this Smiggle energy where you can see a final glint of humanity in the far reaches of her eyes. Still a ghoul, though her name is Nikki, it rhymes with icky like. For example, as governor, she signed a law allowing police to stop anyone they suspect is in the country illegally, basically allowing racial profiling, but also signed a bill that redistributed the education budget to boost higher poverty districts. That is objectively a terrible thing right next to a very good thing. It's kind of disorienting to navigate like a like a funhouse or or maybe. The hotel from The Shining. Nikki Haley's politics are like the Overlook Hotel, labyrinthine and ultimately more sinister than not with a bunch of old dead white guys pulling the strings. And once again, like Tim Scott, her views on racism seem to prove themselves wrong in real time, as she is explaining that America is not a racist country. This is personal for me. I am the proud daughter of Indian immigrants. They came to America and settled in a small southern town. My father wore a turban. My mother wore sari. I was a brown girl in a black and white world. We faced discrimination and hardship. But my parents never gave in to grievance and hate. The American people know we can do better. And of course, we value and respect every black life. The black cops who've been shot in the line of duty, they matter. The black small business owners who've watched their life's work go up in flames. They matter. The black kids who've been gunned down on the playground. Their lives matter to you. See? America isn't a racist country. Just ask her parents who were discriminated against or the young black kids who were shot by cops on the playground. Checkmate me. It's wild how all of these weirdoes fail to navigate racism. They have to insist that racism isn't systemic or present at all, because otherwise they admit that things like CRT and wokeness might be grounded in something real. But they also can't deny objective reality. And so they end up playing this weird, semantic game with zero winners or rather one winner, Donald Trump, who tosses word salad better than anyone else and is the ultimate haunted hotel in which Nicky has to navigate. Like a lot of these sad sacks, she criticized Trump back in 2016, only to fall in line when he won. She kept her head down briefly as Trump's ambassador to the U.N., by the way, for a few years until the 2020 election, when Nikki assured us that Trump was a reasonable man, saying that if he lost his Texas lawsuit to contest the election results, he would quote Go on his way. Do we have a picture of Trump going on his way after losing the election? Oh yeah, here they are. Look at all the pictures of Trump going on his way. I don't know. It seems like if you want to be the president, you should have to display some correct judgment of character. And there's no lower bar than Trump. And this is ultimately how Haley went from a complicated Republican who had a few moderate ideas all the way to just another big clown face in the Gould crowd. Another hitchhiking ghost trying to jump on that Trump wagon. She has at least recognize that Joe Biden won, but even backtracked in blaming Trump for the Jan. six riots because she's a coward and just wants power and will keep her head down and hope for the scraps that fly off of the demolition derby between Trump and DeSantis. And that, of course, brings us to the main event. The non Trump candidate you have been waiting to learn about. So let's f**king do it. Sound the horn. Mike Pence, L. Wait, who was he the star that Transporter Show notes, Chris Vance, can somebody please play me a clip to jog my memory of indicting a former president of the United States has a terrible message to the world. I hope the DOJ thinks better of it and resolves these issues without on a dime. Sarah, I just want to clarify what you're saying is that if they believe he committed a crime, they should not go forward with an indictment. You just talked before about committing to the rule of law. Let me be clear that no one's above the law. OK. But with regard to the unique circumstances here. Look, I owe Mike Pence. I remember now he's that former conservative talk radio guy who was mad at Mullen and who became a sleazy governor and f**ked up Indiana's health care system, causing a lot of people to die before personally going broke and then getting offered a long shot vice presidential run by a reality show grifter who then amazingly won the election. But not the popular vote, of course, and then spent four years quietly standing in the background before getting blamed when the president lost his second election, blamed by the president to be clear, who threw him so hard under the bus that his supporters wanted to hang him. They wanted to hang you, Mike, and you're running for president of this country. Look, I don't think I need to spend a lot of time talking about this Q-Tip racist. I just glossed over some extremely horrible things from his past, such as his misuse of campaign funds, his inability to form a halfway decent health care policy and indifference toward an HIV outbreak in his own state, to the point that he slashed funding toward health programs during a health crisis. He signed one of the then strictest anti-abortion laws in the country. And of course, he sure doesn't like the gays. Remember when he went to an NFL game just to walk out of it in disgust of a player kneeling for racial equality and more police accountability? That's something a racist does, don't you know? But Mike is also, more than anything, a hilarious and unlikable coward. So this is a yes or no question. Is Advance America right when they say a florist in Indiana can now refuse to serve a gay couple without fear of punishment? Well, let me explain to you the purpose of this bill is to empower and has been for more than 20 years. George, this is not speculative, yes or no. If a florist in Indiana refuses to serve a gay couple at their wedding, is that legal now in Indiana? George, this is this is where this debate has gone with with misinformation, and it's just a question. It said it would protect a Christian florist who against any kind of punishment. Is that true or not? George, look, the issue here is, you know, does that mean that Christians who want to refuse service or people of any other faith who want to refuse service to gays and lesbians that it's now legal in the state of Indiana? That's a simple yes or no question, George. The question here is finally yes or no question, governor. Do you think it should be legal in the state of Indiana to discriminate against gays or lesbians? George, it's a yes or no collusion. Well, come on, Hoosiers don't believe in discrimination. Oh my god, Mike. Just say you don't like gay people so we can move on. Look again. You know who this guy is. Heck, chances are some of you want him hanged. But I figure we could remind you that he's like a 1995 bigot. But with any hope, you will merely serve as a rodeo clown for the next primary. A real Bloomberg type that will briefly unite his party and how amazingly flaccid he is as a candidate really failed there. Mike really failed at existing. Hey, remember when Mike Pence was put in charge of our COVID response? How did that go? Do you remember? Do you remember how that went? Anyway, he wants to be our president. My family has lived the American dream. I had the great honor to serve in Congress as governor and as your vice president. And I'll always be proud of the progress we made together for a stronger, more prosperous America. Absolutely incredible. My goodness, Mike. They tried to hang you after the pandemic and all the riots and fire. Remember, Mike, does he not remember? You're pretty much the key witness in the trial for fraud against your former boss? That's how bad your last time in office went. It's like if somebody tried to quietly return to a party after shooting in the Punch Bowl five minutes earlier, the pure audacity of pretending like he's a viable candidate for president is honestly admirable if he wasn't such a hateful scarecrow of a man. And while Pence has finally begun to speak out against Trump, it was only when he decided that it would best interest him and by best interest him. I mainly mean that he was backed into a corner where he'd either have to vanish entirely or do something to make himself visible. I think I think yesterday's indictment of IS is will stand either on its own merits or it will fall. I can't really speak to the legal arguments behind it, but I think the American people deserve to know that on that day, the president asked me to choose between him and the Constitution, and I chose the Constitution. Yeah, I'm sure you are real brave that day, Mike. Maybe they'll make a whole Captain Phillips about it. You know, once you definitely become the president of the United States because you're so likeable and brave, or maybe just walk away, you survived. Go write a memoir about how they wanted. You hanged and live on a compound somewhere. And you know what? I don't want to talk about you anymore. Greener pastures, I say. Ron DeSantis less likeable than treason. Right? More like Klan hood, white passengers, or I don't know whatever color the Everglades are now deep brown? Well, I guess we can go for another 40 minutes. OK, listen. Look, look. Looks in. All right. I can't give you all the rock hard DeSantis action you probably crave. That's its own steamy video, but you might have noticed a pattern in all the candidates I've already listed. And it's that they all fall on a spectrum of how hard they choose to push the culture war anti wokeness agenda, as well as Trumpism, while also trying to sound like not a complete f**king freak. And what makes decent is special. Besides, his profound on likability is that he's the one guy going all in on the woke crusade. He's doing other things, too. Mind you, spinning many turd plates, as they say at the But Circus, for example, he's managed to make headlines for his cruel anti-gay laws while also doing a very bad job at governing Florida. Specifically pursuing personal goals and ideology at the literal expense of the taxpayers to start inflation in Florida has not been good. Some would call it bad. In fact, it's one of the worst states for inflation right now, and economists will tell you that tax cuts tend to make inflation worse. Except that's exactly what Ron has been doing. It's one of the ways he tried to win over voters, and he wants to keep doing it because tax cuts are a really popular short term solution that will f**k everyone over later. It also helps that he's specifically giving these cuts to a lot of campaign donors and even let a NASCAR lobbyist do a quick pass on the bill. Weird, Ron. I thought you didn't like corporate welfare and overreach, but I guess that's only when it's a gay company or whatever. And that's pretty much how Ron makes every decision. He takes his personal grievances and greed and disregards everything else, including logic, even if it means dragging his state down with him. For example, he refuses to participate in Obamacare, and as a result, Florida has the fourth highest uninsured rate in the country. Way to own the libs, though he's of course, famously cruel toward immigrants having kidnapped and trafficked a bunch of them, despite them not actually being undocumented at the time. While this perhaps got him some points on Twitter, sorry, some ex points. While that may be about a quarter of Florida's workforce is immigrants, so it's weird to alienate them like that. Similarly, he signed an immigration bill that would fine businesses for having an undocumented worker, which will likely bring specific industries to a halt. That whole kidnapping thing created a bunch of lawsuits that these citizens have to pay for. De Santos loves loves owning the libs at the cost of taxpayers, along with his costly legal battle with Disney that resulted in the loss of two thousand potential jobs. His so-called don't say gay bill, abortion bans and banning of African-American studies have all resulted in lawsuits that the state is paying for, and you might notice that none of those pursuits helped the state of Florida in any meaningful way. And as I pointed out, in some ways, hurt it is just all culture war. A small government Republican using the entire state government to please internet trolls is just a weird online freak, and he's trying to make Florida the official state for his freedom and apparently turn the entire nation into a version of that freaked up state via a slogan that just reappropriated his opponent's slogan. We don't have to get too much into it here, but this is all to say that Ron is running Florida like a Gamergate chatroom. He seems to have no serious ideas for governing and has spiraled the economy in favor of waging battles based completely around his personal dislikes and bigotry. So we're going to be launching an inquiry about Bud Light and InBev, and it could be something that leads to a derivative lawsuit filed on behalf of the shareholders of the Florida Pension Fund. Because at the end of the day, there's got to be penalties for when you put business aside to focus on your social agenda at the expense of hard working people. Are you looking at Disney, too? I don't know if you saw the show last night. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Disney's firing six of the dwarves. They think being a dwarf isn't inclusive enough, gov. Well, I'll tell you what. You know, we did the battle with Disney last year of parents rights and over the sexualization of minors. We took a very strong stand. I've been criticized for that by a lot of Republicans, even at the end of the day. This is just non-negotiable when you're starting to talk about our kids. Yes, Mr. DeSantis, please make some kind of law saying that Disney can't replace their dwarf characters do. Even here themselves, it's just incredibly unserious, and it's kind of jaw dropping when it's being done by a dude making laws, by the way, his new Bud Light lawsuit is probably going to be a very long and costly battle for the taxpayers. But you got to fight those important battles in this case, the fact that Bud Light's profit loss hurt Florida's pension fund, which I guess he wants to investigate to see whose fault that is. Hey, I have a clue. Maybe it's the fault of the people who started a giant boycott campaign because the company was briefly nice to a trans person once. And so the pension thing is another case of Santas ruining his state because of a weird wokeness obsession. But this isn't about decent. Is the terrible governor. This is about dissent. Is the terrible presidential candidate one that he announced historically. Now it's quiet for his commitment to freedom and to freedom and let you put his money where his mouth is upset that upset the narrative was imposed on us by our government, elite institutions and corporate media. Sorry, I read it wrong. He announced it horrendously on Twitter, which not sure if you know this seems to be bad now and called something stupid. Anyway, it was very embarrassing for both Twitter and Ron, who tried to play the event up as huge and internet breaking. And I guess he was right that it broke. But alas, at its maximum, only about 300000 people watched it live. A smarter person would have taken this as a sign that perhaps nobody wants him to be the president, or perhaps the fact that he's been consistently tanking in the polls. He seems to be taking this out on his staffers when perhaps the problem is the guy that they're trying to sell. Because here's some news besides being a racist bigot who has monstrous ideas. Ron DeSantis is just really unlikable naturally. So like, he's really naturally good at being unlikable. Is that what you're going to burn it off? Oh, Ron is and always has been an unlikable little freak, and we unfortunately don't have time to show you all of the clips out there of him Ted cruising about. OK, one more. Eight, you're old, number five, President Trump has been pretty substantial. And here. You know, a real f**ked up guy. Just look at that, look at that f**ked up guy. Yeah. His name is Dee Santos. It rhymes with. He can't just be f**king normal. And yes, he wasn't unlikable. Little freak when he taught high school and students reported him saying weird s**t about the Civil War and when he parted with the senior students. Yeah, he was that teacher. You know, the groomer type. He was an unlikable little freak when he worked at Guantanamo Bay and advise them on how to force feed detainees. And he was an unlikable little freak when he was barely elected to be governor in 2019, in part thanks to Trump, and then built his entire personality around being an unlikable little freak who dictates policy based on right wing internet trolls. Specifically, this internet troll and I don't know, do you want government policy based on a randos anti-gay Twitter account? Is he going to make a law to bring back the Snyder verse? Like, Come the f**k on? I know the bar has been lowered recently, but don't people want a leader who talks about the economy and jobs and the border and not whether or not the next Disney princess is white, even for the right wing that is bush league s**t? Culture war is the piss garnish on the s**t meal that is Republican values. But Ron has made it the main course, and so I think that's perhaps at least partially why nobody likes him and doesn't want him to be the president. He's also just generally running his campaign like a coward. He's avoiding Trump at all costs and doesn't talk to reporters or even voters. His main pitch is that the GOP is losing too much, and he uses that pitch to sweetly pivot from any questions about Trump. Do you acknowledge that Trump lost in the round all this Romney talks about? Well, I look at the last, however, many election cycles 2018. We lost the House. We lost the Senate. 2020 Biden becomes president or excuse me, we lost the Senate in 2020. Biden becomes president and it's done a huge amount of damage, very unpopular in 2022. And we are supposed to have this big red wave and other than like Florida and Iowa. I didn't see a red wave across this country. And so I think the party has developed a culture of losing. I think that there's not accountability. Hey, now he didn't answer that question, did he? He was asked to acknowledge that Trump lost the election, and he took that as an opportunity to say, Well, in a way, we're all losers. Which fair point. And to be fair point wise, I guess DeSantis recently gave the meek gist of admissions that there wasn't any election fraud. And it appears as though that's as brave as he's going to get. So, yeah, he's unlikable, ghoulish and doesn't offer anyone solutions. I mean, unless you count Nazis, who f**king love him? Gee, why? Why would Nazis love the guy who's trying to ban humans via laws and has a campaign aide that shared this on Twitter? It. Let's see how deep the world lies. Oh, neat, it's a f**king neo-Nazi symbol. Also, Azoff battalion symbol, apparently. But hey, to keep being fair, he fired that aid. No need to think about it any more or wonder why so many supporters and people working for him are literally Nazis. So, yeah, let's not elect the new Nazi guy. We're not even done with the other Nazi guy, and we probably won't elect this guy. Like I said, he's a deeply unlikable freak who simply doesn't have the juice. And it's likely that once Florida man actually steps up on the national stage, America will reject him. But, you know, America does have trouble with this sort of stuff. We call it Trump. Well, we shouldn't call it that. And so where does this leave us? It's kind of a pickle, because as I already noted, absolutely nobody on this list is pulling anywhere close to Trump. Decent is the closest, and he's a powerfully unpleasant Nazi guy. Most people have agreed that Trump is the most likely candidate to take on Biden, but it's unclear if Trump can even run and what with the whole conspiracy to defraud the entire United States thing. I don't know. Maybe Trump will pull through and recapture the hearts and minds of the nation by demonizing Mexicans again or something like does he still want to build the wall? Should somebody ask him about that? But I can't help thinking about the long ago tweet made by the ghost of a plantation gentleman that said, if we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed and we will deserve it. And I think this is what we're seeing finally take effect. They made this terrible deal with these sleazy devil, and it is now time to collect. Trump has broken the party to the point that a major candidate talking point is whether or not they are going to pardon the crime president who is still polling way better than all of them. He is being investigated for fraud against the American people. That's a lot of you. And he's also their best chance this ancient and bumbling con man that's now latched to the Republican Party like a parasite. The end result of decades of dog whistling, finally calling the dog. And while it's a real bummer for democracy. Don't get me wrong, it's at least a little fun to watch the GOP squirm. I can't imagine what it must be like to look at these freaks and know that you have to pick one of them to represent your party. What an absolute nightmare to have it come down to the criminal, racist or the unlikable and also criminal racist, I guess. You know, they made their choice and picked Trump the slightly less terrible option to them. It's like choosing between a room full of spiders or a roomful of slightly bigger spiders or picking between, I don't know, smoke. Oh right. Thank you. It's like choosing between warm bo in a slightly more terrifying, warm Bo. Thank you for that metaphor. Warm bo, warm bo warm bo. That is your name, right? Oh, I can smell you. Awesome. Wait, so who won the debate? We don't think in terms of winners or losers, Mr. Cody us were. Those aren't limited by your binary views of morality. Silly doubt. Oh dear God, you scared how they make you feel. How you a. That sounds fair, weird. I feel like I should be terrified, but I mainly just feel this dull warmness like I'm drowning in a summer river, but don't care to thrash about. It's normal. This is all. Yeah, we know this is all very, very normal. Cool. Now who wants me to nibble on them big on Felts Demon? Well, what just happened that Warmbier was going to steal your Social Security number from me? Oh, snap, really? Well, thanks. Where are you in a movie theater? Yeah, man, I've seen make to the trench. It's the shark movie I was asking about. We got to see if you wanted to go, but I didn't. Oh, you've never invited me to any OK? Yeah, I think I saw a trailer for that with Jason. There's the state stay theme state ham. I think Strat. OK, you keep it down. I'm trying to watch the show. You're thinking of David Strathairn. Oh, Google it. Hold on just a little bit. Oh, did you want to get a crucifix bro in front of your date? No, no, I didn't think so. Damn it, we forgot about Doug Burgum. Who's good? I don't know some guy who wants to be in charge of everybody. You know, this is our 200th episode, right? Oh, really? Oh, hold on. Let me get a selfie to remember it. So take us. Ah, I feel like we should have done something special for it. I mean, we did just kill someone. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Felt good, didn't it? That power of taking a life? The rush mean it's addicting. Yeah. Wait, what? Never mind. Don't worry about it. Are we going to? Was that illegal to kill him? Does he count? Well, let's just keep this between us just in case. Happy to 100th episode, folks. Yes. Happy to 100th episode. Keep your f**king mouths shut. All of you keep your f**king mouth shut. Otherwise, Cody Johnston will find you and he'll kill you. Just like he killed all the others. OK. Hanging up. Am I? Am I going to jail? Oh. Hello, everybody, thank you so much for watching, be sure to like and subscribe. The video and to the channel. Thank you so much for your support over these many years. This is our 200th episode. Can you believe it? Thank you for watching all of them, I assume. And it's time I'm doing it. It's happening. We're. Oh my God, it's gone. It's gone now. You know, I have to see ever again. Be sure to check out our patriotic comments. Have some more news. I said that perfectly. We've got merch at Emerge Store with this guy on it and this guy not on it. And we've also got a podcast called Even More News, and you can check out this show as a podcast called Some More News. And I think that's everything. This is left. Oh, well.