Michael Cerveris

Transcript

This podcast is brought to you by progressive insurance. Let's face it, sometimes multitasking can be overwhelming, like when your favorite podcast is playing and the person next to you is talking and your car phone is blasting, all while you're trying to find the perfect parking spot. But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy, like quoting with progressive insurance. They do the hard work of comparing rates so you can find a great rate that works for you, even if it's not with them. Give their nifty comparison tool a try, and you might just find getting the rate and coverage you need is easy. All you need to do is visit Progressive's website to get a quote with all the coverages you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. Then you'll see Progressive's direct rate, and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare. So it's simple to choose the rate and coverages you like. Press play on comparing auto rates. Quote a progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust progressive, progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. Let in gentlemen a couple of things you need to know if you like, stand up comedy and you're in the Washington, D.C., area. There are still tickets left for my Thursday and early Friday show. Unfortunately, The Late Show Friday and the two shows Saturday are sold out already, but I'm bringing heat the best I've ever been. I'm very excited to come by. Come see me. It'll be some fun DC improv Thursday, this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, next weekend I'm in Breer. February eight, nine and 10 at the Improv. Get your tickets there. That's Brad. That's about an hour south of Los Angeles. And then I go to Arizona. I'll be at the Tempe Emperor Valentine's Day. And then the next day, I think that's Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I'm at Phoenix. I'm a standup live in Phoenix. Can't wait. I cannot wait to get your tickets now. So I got I'm hitting DC. I'm hitting Breyer, I'm hitting Arizona. And then if there's if that's not enough on the 28th at the Melrose Improv, I'm doing an hour showcase. You guys come on. Bye. I think it's going to be free or very. It won't be too expensive. All right, kids, love you. And now, without further ado, I give you Will Sasso. Not many men can withstand my punch punch, obviously. Obviously, for sure. You got to set it going to set a hair on a black belt and chips chicken heads. I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised about Kenny Fight Club, Fight Club, Fight Club kids got a piece on every season. Couple want to. Q-Tip has still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Onit Studios in Playa Vista, California, it is the moment you've been waiting for the father and the kid is coming at you. Like, No, no, we're not live. That doesn't make sense, but it would just say a lie. But we're not live. We don't do anything. And now it's the father and the kid. I not like this is not live, not live. You can move, you can move it wherever. Why do you have your your bag? Because I just flew on a f**king airplane. Let me read to you guys what Will said to me and are you going now? Is this the party going on now? Hey, everybody, welcome to the massive voter right here in the, you know, maybe we got a great show for you. We're going to be talking about some mixed martial arts. All right. Well, lifestyle section one section. All right. Run on lifestyle section and it's sexual. All right. All right. Drop some knowledge. All right. Well, listen, I get this from shop. Hey, will have fun taking my spot today account. Try to talk politics or something super boring. You have my permission to sock him in his old fat dick. And now I go, Hey, and then Sasha goes, do you mean to say that when people approach today's wide media landscape seeking political coverage and opinions that they shouldn't count T five k as a clear option? I mean, how are people going to get their news if all windbag maghrib make regurgitate von something he heard doesn't play more on Anderson Cooper with your listeners. Whatever dude at your show, I'm like, Will and then? And then she goes well for president Cowan for sucking dick. Really mature. And then I go, You got to take this back, guys. And then I get this from, well, in quotes. Hi, my name is Jimmy, and I love the fighter and the kid. When I look for opinions, I can trust today's fast paced news cycle. I listen to Brian Cowan or one of my dad's friends who does whatever for a living and watches Hannity sometimes. Then I get Brian. I'm taking a s**t and get a no give. Give you an eta soon. Yeah, I was at the airport. You want me to show up. I showed up. That's my commitment to your listeners. You want to talk about what a diehard guest host slash sometimes guest I am of this podcast. I was just I've been I've been one of the calls. Have you been? Well, you know. Don't be. So I don't be so the north. Norfolk, Virginia, California. Oh my god. Don't be so general sale, greyhound road and all across. Yeah, it's pretty down to your soul to turn to start. A cab went off while the band broke down. It's all fine and dandy, but hey man, you know it's making a living. As a as a singer, I would love nothing more than to set up shop in Reno, Nevada, and sing the same songs over and f**king over again and just put up a review, you know, and drive maybe a fancy car, like a sports car, like a Miata. Well, can I ask you this canvas top? Because sometimes it rains in Reno. It's not quite Vegas. Go on. I think that being a rock star, I read this thing about like, who Radiohead was talking about, what their life was really like, where you sing the same song over and over again and you get on a plane or a bus with the same band members. And at one point they'd been like on their 80th day or 200 day touring, and they just couldn't look at each other anymore. They just were like, I'm not going to look at him. I'm just going to sit here and get on a plane and go to the next venue and sing the same song 80 or 90 days in a row. Yeah, I think, wow, that's something. You know what I have to say for them in their behalf? Yeah. Well, go ahead way. Some people work at jobs for upwards of five years, 10 years. Yeah, I know some people leave work at the same job for 30 years. I'm just saying also Radiohead doesn't make music, so it's pretty easy for them to roll around making whatever the f**k it is. They don't use it since it's nothing since it's not a great band. Are there? Whatever they do, you want to hear real hand in 2019 20? They put on plastic. What is that plastic pink plastic trees? Yeah. Sorry for clearing my throat and your listeners yours. That song came out over 20 years ago, Brian. What I'm referring to is the s**t now. I don't know. Yeah. Well, that's why you don't know from now. OK? OK. Hey, you know, I was at the airport. Yeah, and I got you something. You got me a gift. Yeah, I got you a gift. So was it the place I was at the airport? All right. Is that a snake? They are my friend. It's for you because I was it, I was at the airport and I thought you might enjoy that. And I come bearing gifts. Hollywood best woman. Yep, so that was the only one that had that's the only one they had. You got me. What looks like an Oscar? Mm-Hmm. It looks like an Oscar, but it's not. And it says holiday legal. Best Woman says best woman on it. And that's for you. Why would you do that? Because I wanted to get you a nice gift from the airport because you're having to condescending it. Yeah. And don't do that with your face. Oh, you know what I'm saying? And that's weird. That's weird. Don't search. Hold on a second. Hold on. I don't know if my watch is quite working. Last time I checked, it was twenty eighteen. Yeah. Are you saying that's insulting? I'm just saying that you gave me a. Well, let me ask you a question, Brian, in 2017, what would you consider the year 2018? I, I don't know. That would be the what and what would we call that the here are the woman. Just one year. It's the future Brian and future female. And if you're going to not be a scumbag and you want to be equal, yeah, to people like your wife. Yeah. And you know, and my girlfriend and your girlfriends and Maya Angelou and Maya Angelou and you know, and Julia Roberts and people like that, then you're going to have to embrace this. So stop being a f**king piece of s**t. I'm not sure when it's on. Don't say I'm my best. Why are you not a woman? How do you think? Because I'm a man with a huge hold on a big, big, honest, heavy balls that you have that create a lot of testosterone and semen. OK, but that doesn't mean you're not trying to be gross, but that's okay. But that doesn't ideal. But that doesn't mean that you can't be honored and excited by me calling you a woman. I can't saying that you're on my face and I'm feet out like a motherf**ker. That may be like a mother. Yeah, that may be. But you're also all they had left was woman, and I'm a girl should be happy. I'm aggressive enough to fantasize about punch you in the face until you die. So, so, so are some women. That's true. Well, then what the f**k? But I don't appreciate this. You're being turned this gift you give me and don't give that back to me if I give it back to you, Brian, if you give it back to me, I will inserted into you. Now here's how it is. That is how you going to say I'm being f**king camera Bryan. I'm being Tom telling me where all I'm saying is, Oh, that's what you're doing. All I'm saying is I gave you a gift. If you decide to return that gift to me that I thought you would enjoy. Yeah. Careful now. Careful, careful because I'm going give you another chance because what you just did is I will take that gift. Yeah, OK. Careful. Inserted into that. OK, Brian. OK, man, I got to say that you and I think you're being a f**king fought fascist. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. You just said you were going to. You went with your finger. You did a loop and you push pointed. You will. Your finger went up in the air, which means that clearly is an case. You're going to stick it right at my show. That's not what it means. And what does it mean? I'm saying you can draw from this what you like. Well, I got you a gift. It says that it's the best woman. It's an Oscar. But not quite really. Yeah. And you should be honored to have that. And it's f**king and the future is female. Yeah, you f**king piece of s**t, right? OK. You f**king. You just threaten. And if you don't threaten that, if you take this gift, then you're not just a piece of s**t in the f**king thought fascist. You're a misogynist. We're trying to use gender to insert this in male. And if you try to give it back to me, I'm being very calm when I say this woman, I will inserted in three times that you've threatened OK to to essentially take me seriously. Now let me give it back. Hmm. I'm going to keep it over here, and I'm going to give it back to you later. Now I want you to. I want you to feature prominently here in your studio. I want. I want you to build a little shelf out of this. Now, the guy who makes this is a good guy. It took me a long time to etch that out. You didn't know that. Some guy makes a bunch of those in in the California countryside. Please ask him for a similarly affected and disease panel of wood that you can screw into there as a little shelf to put your Best Woman Award or your finger out of my face. I'll f**king shove it up your whole effort. Shove it right up your s**thole. You just said blatantly where you got things, got little creases on the side where it was put together because it was made far away by children of little hands and those little edges cut. Oh no, and I'll f**kin ram it up your balloon. Not, and it'll hurt to s**t for weeks if I do that. Oh God, I do not. When you're so aggressive, you f**king little brown balloon. Don't call it a brown take like, you know, if you took like bubblegum. Yeah, like chocolate. Do they make chocolate gum? I don't know. And I shoot somewhere and then just take your nostril in your ear has got pudding and then just twist it into the f**king brown gum. And that's that's a replica of my my. That's your s**thole. And then take that f**king thing and try to put the gum on it like a hat and you'll bleed. OK, now I'm going to ask you how man do a reset? Yeah, and I want to start over. Well, no, I don't want to start over, but I do want to start metaphorically over because you're obviously got some problems that you're dealing with. I don't know what's in those drinks. Oh, f**k, I've been traveling. What have you been doing on our milk? No, we're going back to shoot another season of Loudermilk Loudermilk Limerick. And you don't have, well, I'm having a stroke. Yeah. Loudermilk, you can watch it on Amazon now. Much louder and get my my special on Amazon Prime, by the way. I just found out you can stream it. Yeah, you can also buy like, you know, AC filters, and you don't do that to a giant box of f**kin toast or something. Don't. All right. Wait, whatever artistry with a box of toothpaste, I'm trying to say I'm I'm your guest host. And I'm saying that. Watch Loudermilk on Amazon. And then you said, What about by a humidifier? What's it up on Amazon? It's about people with substance abuse problems, i.e. Ron Livingston, who is who, you know, sort of a group on that sort of stuff. Tremendous actor. Don't see any actor. Well, he's tremendous is what he is. And I play his his roommate, best friend and sponsor. I was. Oh, and by the way, I'm drinking. So it's a fun show and we're going back to shoot another season. It was on the audience network. You can get it on the audience now or something an app. And Peter Fairley did it, and it's very funny. It's a great guy. And by Bobby Moore, and we're doing another season later. No, but I was in Atlanta shooting a different show, and then I was doing in Atlanta. Kevin probably saves the world. It's an ABC show. You know, Jason Ritter. I know all of this. I know everybody in Hollywood. But let me ask us, what is a sweetheart of a guy? I don't care. But what? What, what do you first? He's a nice guy. Are you a series regular? No one would ever threaten to push a cheap replica. How much you think that thing cost? Look, man, that's your only solace when you're face down in the E.R. with the f**king business end of an awards. Look, man, that really this would really hurt. Yeah, would. Especially if I got it down to the root there. No, that's about as thick as it gets down to the record. I mean, I kind of think I know, man, this is you're threatening me with with something pretty aggressive, I'll say, and I would fight you off. But here's OK if I come back here next time and it's not prominently featured, I'll get another one. Can I be honest with you? What? I'm not kidding at 51 and I'm 51. Yeah, that's right. I could respond. I could roundhouse you into the side of your head and knock you the f**k out. You know you would break your ankle. No, on my head. Even if I was turning around like this, like Blue and you hit me here, boom, you would be practicing my roundhouse and I would change the way you walked for the rest of time. Now my my roundhouse is stupid now. Yeah, yeah. I get my shoulders into what a lot of people think. It's in the leg. I bring my shoulders round and then my hips and my my foot is basically just there. Well, the legs follow a rubber band with a stone at the end of it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. It's a rubber band. My legs, a rubber band, and I got a stone for a foot and it's going to go and it doesn't clang off your head. It goes right through. Oh, really, you're like Mike Tyson. You aim to the other side of the finish. I finish, I finish. I cut through. Yeah. Well, you know, you talk a lot of s**t and you talk a lot of game. When you come at me and I f**kin beg you, I beg you to try. I want I want to be holding that. I had that award in the other, in one hand, and I'll just be sizing you up with one hand. I got the award in the other hand, and you'll be, you'll be. You'll be pretty timid to go swinging your legs this way and that exposing that sweet, sweet balloon not of yours, because I'll get this right through your f**king man. How much stitching you got in your jeans? I don't know. Just go, rip. No, you got s**thole. By the way, my my taekwondo teacher, who is a Korean guy who who would have boxed and did judo, black judo and a real fighter. And this bodybuilder came into our studio and he he looked at him and I said, How do you fight a guy like that? And he said, I start good trampoline, a very good trampoline. And I said, What trampoline is? The trampoline is a burnouts. I go to muscles, I'm jumping along. And he said, in other words, I'll knock him out and just jump on him like a trampoline until he f**king dies. What fun? That was my career. What martial arts discipline is that? Well, he was, you know, technically taekwondo. But he knew trampoline boxer never thought of that. You get your fat like wordplay. I like to f**k around. I want to ask you a question. Well, I want to get. I want to get serious. Let's do it. I heard a there. Is this all this new report about how you don't have to have a concussion to have CTE? So now this doctor who did the main doctor physician concussion said, I don't think any there should be any contact sports for any kids until they're 18 years old. Now here's my question You played contact sports. You are. And I'm not saying this to be a dick, but you're a f**king idiot, right? I'm not saying. But if you ask if you do a consensus, he's a good guy. He's a good guy, talented guy, but he's a falconetti and trying to hold that rage. And who knows how much of that let you finish your point. Who knows how much you bulls**t your daily bulls**t is is a result of head injury. We don't know. We can't measure it by kind of daily bulls**t or we just you walk around like you do. You do know how to push that guy and you're not going to go big, you know? You know what I mean? And that's what I'm trying to fall. I'm not trying to be a dick. But Bateman, well, you would admit that you're a f**king idiot. I would not accept it. I'm a f**king idiot for the most part of your life, for getting me a little bit loudermilk on the audience network. Who f**king cares? That's what I mean. Well, that's that's like, I don't give a s**t. That's an embrace of what you do. Nobody cares. Right? Well, you know, I'll be the first to admit my f**kin. You could put your bag over there, but I'm going to bring it really close to my knee and crowd myself in and drink 17 f**king gallons of all kinds of liquid. I wanted to give you your gift. Yeah, but you're a f**king idiot. No, I'm not a f**king idiot to go along a guy who played contact sports. Do you think we should ban contact sports? First of all, learn about this stuff. First of all, I'd like to take ownership of some of the things that you've said. Yeah. And I know that when it comes to my career and what I've helped create and what I've been fortunate enough to be a part of. I take it easy. Don't get emotional. No, I'd say. 97, 98 percent of that has been total dog s**t now, OK? All right. So I understand when you say like the Loudermilk. Well, I mean, oh pow. Oh, well, look, I just took that. Just don't be that hard on yourself. Not 98 percent of it. You said they did work. I flicked the barbs off of your insult. Now I'd like to continue. Loudermilk is quality f**king show. OK? OK, and if you speak ill of it one more time, I'm going to put that on the board. Don't say the award again with my balloon that I don't. It already hurts just the thought. I don't. And that's because it seems that's because of the seams. Look how wide that gentleman is. We're going to start a fight. His elbows start a physical fight on air. If you keep talking, I think we can all agree if I turn that upside down angry. If I turn that upside down, yeah, it would hurt a whole lot more. OK. When I inserted Tom and I think that I went and saw, Did you see concussion two or three years ago whenever we saw it? I loved it. I have a black belt in taekwondo and I wrestled anyway. So yeah, I played some contact sports. I was, you know, I was mostly addition it out rather than receiving it. You know, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. And when that object is a is a is a high school phenom, don't say final. You were an angry boy with a lot with a weight problem. Three hundred and ten pounds of solid brick. It wasn't all brick. There was no clue. No clue how to eat. What to protein. What's a Republican? No idea to say it at all. I just ate it all. I got it down there and I did some bench pressing. I did some deep, deep, deep. You were moving some way with your high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did some power lifting and stuff when you and your bench in high school. Oh, you want to know that? To be honest, Max? Yeah, my talking max would be talking like because like I usually like to throw ed up and I go, like, That's where I'm at. You throw what up eight, eight, eight reps? Yeah. All right. Well, that's fine. I usually sometimes when we're like, you know, we're doing, I mean, it's high school, you know? Yeah. But we were all powerlifting and doing like city competitions and city competitions and some of my buddies. Yeah, sure. Yeah. So, you know, I got some weight. I wanted people to come out of the room, don't you? And f**kin believe what Sassos pushing up and just like running through the halls going, get it and look at, yeah, come on, you know? Yeah, yeah. Bench yeah. Backs Max. And don't be just now. You don't have to search for it because, you know, and I got a little tendinitis in my right now, so I'm not sure if I could do this to this day. But well, I'm asking what you did in high school. And you know the numbers. So I don't appreciate the pause because you're looking around 640 pounds. That's not true. Well, no, don't shrug your shoulders now. Now you can't just go now. Hey, that'd be a remote for your listeners who can't see me doing this right now. The the, you know, the audio equivalent is this. Well, see, I know. Yeah, I know. And because you didn't tell me, I didn't bench press £640. Eight times eight. Hey, well, you're 100 percent. And definitely, very obviously without a question didn't bench six hundred forty pounds when you're in high school or wherever. Eight times. Mm hmm. OK, see. See, see what I mean? Yeah. So what did you bench? Oh, I know I didn't bench £640 eight times. Yeah, or I rather that wasn't my max because I bench did eight times. My Max Max was eight hundred eighty five pounds. See, that would be a world record, basically. And look up. Look it up in the Canadian annex of sporting feats. Go to go to the Canadian, please go to infinity antics of sporting feats, not see a dossier guy Canadian annex. Of sporting feats, feats. Yeah, well, yeah, if you just put that, yeah, let's it, let's see what comes out of the 15 biggest moments in Canadian sports history. You hope not. I'm sure I'm number one, Greta. That's number one. Let's go. I've not seen this article yet, but number one? Yep, all right. Here we go. The biggest things there are to make lists runs deep. All right. Go ahead. It's going to be in the end. About Vince Carter was a slam dunk contest. Wow, who gives you? OK, well, I'll give you a four. All right. That's a sporting feat. What happened on the All-Star Weekend with a curler captures Olympic gold. Look what? Hey, I'm from Canada and this is a piss poor f**king list. All right. Just get to number one. All right. Well, Swim's Lake Ontario. OK, who cares? George Charlotte goes the distance with Ali. You didn't win, right? He die, bro. You went the distance so Canadian to just to just survive. Take a second. Yeah, that second he f**k em. He was in there like a bag of meat. Canadian woman takes 1928 Olympics by storm. That was only a hundred and fifty five years ago. Gretzky, Lemieux. Yeah, blah blah. Everything Gretzky ever did. Yeah, yeah. All right. Mike Weir wins the masters. Don't know what any of that means. Keep going. Barbara and Scott takes steps to go gold. That's a big who gives a s**t. Wayne Gretzky again because it's traded L.A. Yeah, leaving Canada was a big moment in Canadian sport. Terry Fox run across Canada. That's the only good one. That one should be number one if it's not me and Ben Johnson's for a moment 100-meter gold. A guy with shoulders like you like ripe Halloween pumpkins? Yes. Filled with gas. Yeah. On roids, yes. Won something for a few minutes, and that's Sidney Crosby scores the golden goal. Whatever lots of those have happened. The Blue Jays went back to back World Series. Wow, oh wow. all-American number two Donovan Bailey sprints to gold in Atlanta. That was pretty cool. Yeah, that was pretty good. Another one year Olympic athletes are black. Oh, number one Paul Henderson scores Canada great in 1993. Will Sasso. I don't see that. Six hundred and forty pounds. I know. Where is that? Where are you? Where are you, his friends? I'm looking at the website, Oh my god, you're all healthy. Little is just a stage name. Paul Henderson was my I was my name in high school. I'm not Italian or any of that s**t. I will say aside, we love Sasso, but I can get, you know, what I wanted to do when I moved to Hollywood wife. I want to get this part. You can't park here, you know, like the guy in the movie when it's like the hero comes in. Yeah, yeah. Pulls it to the side and he's chasing the girl and the guy comes out in like, you're like a shadow and he's got dough on his hands. He goes, Well, you can't park here. I want to show you New York thing. I want to show you. And then he goes, Keep it. And he tosses me the keys to a hot car like a Miata with a candle. Yeah, because I want to show you because here Chris decided to have an act off with me, and I'll just play it for you. I'm not ready to ruin your life. Tell you what to do. Up what's going on in your head. But our situation, what we're going on. Things that we've been doing Typekit on Orthodox negative. I staff my church. That's for you and someone I go on in there. He's in a towel, in a towel, and he's doing it to me, shouting for a second. Tell me this is real acting. And he said, f**k you with. That particular person. Is why you think it gets into the cannabis space? Here is to find out about us. Just think for a second. What is this from what you found out? We love each of our. Daniel, I love this sort of Jason Statham unrequited gay love thing. That's what he wanted to show me about his acting. That's really good acting, though. It's good acting. I feel like you were. If you were to play a character, what would your character be? Would it be English as well? If I were, if I were to do an acting like a, how would you respond to what he just said to you? How did you did you do? Are British now, and didn't you do it? I didn't. I would talk like this. I'd be like, you know, like a will or make from like Manchester or like East London. This, OK, so I'm going to be I'm going to be an American tourist, OK, who somehow has been picked up in a van and brought to you? Yeah, because I owe a debt, OK? And I'm going to try to get out of the debt now. I'm going to just you. Probably it because you want me to talk. Maybe you have my feet in ice water and they keep applying ice to the water, right? And you know, you can't prove anything, but I'm just my feet are obviously in tremendous pain. What's your character's name? My character's name is Connor Bailey. Connor Bailey. Yeah. And I'm just here to enjoy London with my family. Who do you get over to see Big Ben? Yeah, I've not. Listen, I don't know what this is about. I just got off a plane and I got pushed into a van. If there's something I've done to back in the Viking Times, they used to have a tradition. Yeah, with those who snitched. I know they didn't call it that. Yeah, I never snitched on anyone. They would take off his leggings. These boots made from the skull and had skin of caribou. And what are you doing? Excuse me. Put them into ice. Oh oh, what are you doing? And it's the Viking didn't talk. Why are you putting my feet on ice? The scene, boy. Oh, there's a boring scene, OK? But that was pretty good. No, it wasn't really good because I need a real acting partner like Ron Livingston. A lot of I'm a good actor. Check it out on Amazon. And hey, while you're at Amazon, think about Bryan Callen special. Get 16 boxes a Colgate extra whitening toothpaste that's not or pick up a special. Is it on DVD? It's streaming streaming on Amazon Prime? Yeah, well, that's all right. It's called Never Grow Up. Yeah, that's good. Thanks, buddy. What's the next frontier in comedy? Bryan Callen. And he's going to do a showcase. What do you want to do next in comedy? You're doing a showcase. Well, I got a showcase for the powers that be at the improv on the 20th of February. Why? You know, you got to show them what you're what you're working with, what you're capable of, and when I blow them away, when you still have them away, you know that I'm not familiar with the world of, yes, I still have standup. Yes. So wait, you have to like, go and do your s**t just in a room. But there's people. All right, there's going to be an audience there, right? Yeah. All right. Well, that's I mean, the problem is that a lot of like they don't know. It's not just you in a room like, Hi, my name is Brian Callen. What do you mean? They don't know you? They don't. And I'm impressed. No, no, no. The the Netflix is and things like that like, oh yeah. Well, they know things that there's also, as you know, there's also a there's a there's a cool kids club. There's there's lots of stuff that you have to get through there, and there's very few people are making that decision. Sometimes it's one person and they have a very strong point of view on what they like. It's comedy, that's right. And usually they're their significant other and or children at home are helping to make those. That's very true, and none of them know who you are. All right. Well, I no know, but it's true. Like you have to. You don't know. Interesting how I knew a really successful and very famous director who wrote a script and said to me, I said, How's it going? And she said to me, I don't know. I can't get anybody to read it. And I went, But you're famous. I mean, you're well. She goes, Yeah, and nobody reads it. In fact, what they do is they read, they skim it on a plane and call you a general notes, and you're like, Well, you haven't read my script. Well, you know what? I think I think that a lot of this is sort of in a business that's completely, you know, it's just completely fabricated. It's human made and human designed. And it's, you know, this city is not here based on any sort of natural resource or a porch or anything like that. That's true. Charlie Chaplin showed up, and it's just this adoption. It's just projects totally perception. It's totally and also it's based on mood. And I kind of feel like sometimes I'll read something, you know, as an actor, you'll read something and you'll be like, whether you're going to go in and audition or something they're interested in you for. And you go like, Oh, I don't know if I like it, that's just kind of sometimes can be. And I'm not saying, you know, sometimes it's really just the mood you're in. Yeah, you kind of like, I don't know how to f**k because you're questioning all the other whimsical, exaggerated things that are spinning up in the sky. But on the other side of it, let me f**king finish. This is a really you've got to learn to let people sorry. It don't be like I got a story, I didn't do it. Someone's in the middle of want to do it that way as you piggyback on, you do. No, I didn't say it that way. You do go, dude. Piggyback on what you were saying. Anyway, the other side of it is know sometimes people get really excited about what they what they have in front of them. Normally they don't. Oh, and by the way, no one wants to work and they just want to, you know, sort of pay for their expensive cars and their inflated mortgages. And everyone f**ks off a little bit before Thanksgiving doesn't show up until about now, the middle of January. And then things start cooking again because people do need to, you know, buy things and take their families on vacation and s**t. So I guess what I'm trying to say in a pragmatic way is find out what someone's what someone's spending is at, what their what their budget looks like. And when people need to sell s**t and then get them on a plane with a f**king script. Otherwise your friend has no f**king shot and none of us do. And it's a miracle anything gets made. But but yeah, unlike Radiohead, we should all be grateful and thankful to be in this bizarre, bizarre, whirling temple nothingness. Did I ever tell you because you are a grown man with a lovely, just a beautiful life? Really, you have a beautiful wife and family. Yeah, a beautiful home. Yeah, wonderful people who want to enjoy what you do, like, like here at the fighter, in the kid home and so many things that you're doing like, like not just The Goldbergs, but now school's out or they call schools held. Well, see what's cool too that schools schools hold? No, it's no smoking in the boys room. What is? It's called school school. I just say right old school, school, school, school school, old school days. So school time and you're a do you be a delay? So and you got stuff like that and you dropped out of high school and never went to college. I did not drop out of school. I graduated from college. That's a vicious rumor. So what were you saying before? Well, one time, speaking of things that don't work right along, were about this big scene Kevin Hart, Laurence Fishburne, a bunch of other people. Huge movie and it's a fight scene and it's a huge day stunt. People are over here. The room couldn't be more full of people. And you know, it's one of those days on a movie like, that's probably a million dollars a day. And we walk in and Laurence Fishburne, who's driving the whole scene. It's me, John Leguizamo, Kevin Hart, Fishburne and Fishburne looks at the script as we're reading it. And he looks up and he goes, You know, this doesn't work, right? And Tim story, he's a great guy goes, It doesn't work. And he goes and fishmongers. Yeah. But we're going to fix it. Nice, that's like that and fix it, they did fixed. They did. And everybody kind of went, Whoa, this is like everybody kind of froze. Like, Wait a minute, if he doesn't think it's going to work, this is a million dollar day. Well, we're going to fix it. And everybody, right? But that's that's yeah, that's but that's that is a real actor. That's a real act. And sometimes I don't know about you, but sometimes I don't. Hey, everybody listening, you can kind of just f**k off for ten minutes because now we're you talk like actors, right? Yeah, I'm just joking. And more kick and punch and show to award up your take a poo. Yeah, go make a poo poo poo and you guys got to take a po break guy who put your head go make a poo guy's going to make poo. But you know, a lot of actors, a lot of actors just kind of hang in the cut and kind of do whatever the f**k they're told, which is fine. Yeah. You know, when you're doing the kind of s**t you do. But sometimes actors like a guy who is shouldering the project, he literally has to do that. And you know, you'll you see these guys do s**t like that and you kind of like, whoa. Like, for the first half, second is like, is he being a dick? Now he's a pro among pros who not only knows that it doesn't work and knows exactly why, and he's done his homework, but also knows how to fix it. Poo break over. That's how it happens, though, as you get older. Like, what I'm noticing at 51 is I'll read something or hear something that doesn't feel right. And I used to go, Well, there are journalists are there and academic, and so they're an expert on the field and have this thought and who might disagree with it. And now I go, Wait a minute. First of all, persons younger. Second of all, just because you have a degree or you're a quote unquote journalist doesn't mean a f**kin thing. No, not a f**king thing. You know, a point of view based on a whole bunch of opinions and attitudes. Yeah. And sometimes I feel it's my duty as I get older, even though I look 35. And we know that and you look like all the time. Yeah, you look 35 and you move like you 35. You look, you move like thirty five. That's important because because because you know, you don't know what that's about, but my body does whatever I tell it to do. You look like a weathered thirty five year old. Would you put up the picture of the singer of The Pogues, Ian McKellen? I know what you're saying. Yeah, it is. And I and I'm a fan. Oh, Shane MacGowan, whatever it sounded. So these pictures are all of these are all positive. Shane MacGowan Yeah, he's a heroin addict. Roughly thirty five years of. He had some problems. You look like, Yeah, he's got a few. There he is. So he, you know, he mixes them up as a shandy with breakfast. He's got some shoes when it comes to. He's had some big well, he's been drinking. Yeah, and heroin. McGowan is a fan of heroin. He's a Scott. He's a Scot. He's got no f**king teeth. Yeah, but he's 35. He's probably twenty seven years old there. So I could see how you could. I saw him live in a I think it was CBGB's in New York City, and he came out so f**ked up. But g*****n, I love his music. Yeah, he's a real f**kin poet. Yeah, look at those teeth. Shane Shane. It was a bad teeth. Those are real bad teeth. So anyway, you're 35 looking and you know why Steve get fine and he was just fall flat on his face after getting talking about his teeth are rotten because he's drinking. All right, man. All he's doing is drinking in name. He would fall flat on his face. All right. He had these perfect pearly whites, and then he fell on the cobblestone streets. I don't know. And it's not. It doesn't. It doesn't tell lies to us. He's got some beautiful songs put on, put on a rainy night in Soho. That's a great song. But there's another song. Could I just put up? Bring up the Pogues? Let me see something. The Pogues Fairytale in New York, oh, that's a good, great Christmas and great song fairy, a fairy tale in New York, everybody. Another life. It should fall from the grace of God. Another pew break. That's a great song. This is one of the great songs, ever. 13 minutes long, it was saved by. It's Matt Dillon and John Time who said to me. One sale, another one, and I sang the song Mountain to turn my face away. I'm Jim, but you did. We both know I love you. Look at his face today. Thank God for him. Look at him. He's so great, though. Don't you give me a big smile? That's said very without him. Love you, baby. I love you, baby. I think both of. When I. Sculpture. What do you think of that music? It's about to get Christmas here. That's a word, Hey. Anyway, let's not oppose because they're asking punk rock ish, too. Oh yeah. Oh, do the Pogues are the s**t the pope, the Pogues are. They've also got songs like Baffert's of all of them, the grace of God. No Angel can receive me. He goes through this whole, their punk. They're also written by Sir Ian McKellen. Yeah, you did. And I was like, f**king actor Shane MacGowan. Yeah, you did. And Shane MacGowan, Ian McKellen, because it doesn't matter. I don't really know what the forty seven million views, by the way. How about that? That's how big the Pogues used to be. Yep, yeah. And he had some problems. He died of alcohol related issues. Did he die at the age of 36? I didn't know that. No, I don't know. He's still alive. I think he's still alive. Yeah, yeah. No, you got new teeth, actually. Yeah. Yeah, it looks all right. He might be might be clean. What else is going on with you? Nothing. You're going to go do stand up. No. But I mean, what's the next? What's the next? What's the next frontier in live? Honestly, for me, just I just want to keep actually sell narrow that I want to, and I want to actually just keep writing. I want to get closer to writing exactly how I feel about the world instead of just trying to be funny. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that'd be good. Like trying to say something without being a dick about it, you know, because you get to a point where being silly becomes kind of easy, right? Just knowing you're making people laugh is one thing that's that's a bag of tricks. But then like kind of marrying that to stuff that you actually really give a s**t about. One of the things about having kids is that you can't avoid being philosophically and politically committed because the world is a s**t hole. Or sometimes you start watching the wrong ideas, take hold and you get very worried. I worry about that s**t. I worry a lot about where we're getting our news and how people can make their living off of whatever it might be with, you know, everybody. Now as a journalist, if you have a blog, if you've got an online publication, yeah, you can say s**t. And you know, and now with algorithms, you know, Facebook and Google, we talked about this last time Facebook, Google, Apple and and who is the other company. And Amazon are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They basically are where they're controlling all of your news, and they have algorithms that can push the news you think they think you want to hear. And that's when you're putting your g*****n points of view and your opinion. You live in your own echo chamber and an algorithm will create your own f**king yeah, it'll create your own algorithm. That's very dangerous. No, that is very dangerous. But also the the other side of it is nobody knows. I mean, you know, traditional media sources are just getting picked off left and right. Yeah, by people on both sides of the aisle saying, Well, that's kind of bulls**t. And this is kind of bulls**t, right? Because the culture has been, you know, well, you know, I mean, what's his face? Said Fake news, right? Yeah. And then but then you sort of I have a hard time watching something like. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, you watch like I mean, I don't want to s**t on like one versus another or whatever, but you know, you'll watch like CNN and you just like what? CNN is petty. I'm sorry. CNN I I can't take it seriously because they actually CNN actually gets in tit for tat fights with the president. Right? You've got you've got journalists that aren't even journalists. They're they're more interested in being celebrities and getting their point of view out. But also check that. But also, you have to remember, it's like it's such a TV show. It is a TV show. The ratings are more important than that, actually on Monday, I should say. I thought that the presidential address was on Monday and Tuesday or something. I saw it online. So I turned on YouTube and there was this and the first. The only thing that had it like running streaming was was they just there was a stream from Fox News. I was like, OK, the address will be on here and then you're watching Fox News and it's like, Hey, we've got our coverage the day before the address. Coverage of the address, you know, I mean, I don't want to I'm not caught, and that's not exactly what they called it, but they were talking. They need to fill, right? But all the stuff was said. All the banners were like presidential address, blah blah blah. And I had a hard time going. It was like walking into a casino and trying to figure out what the time is. There's no clocks. Right, right. So you're kind of going like, What the f**k am I even listening to hear what the guy? What the f**k are these guys yammering on on about? And this is an eight hour block because they have to fill TV time. That's right. And we forget. I mean, we, you know, people in the business of television can tell you, Oh, well, you know, whatever the f**k, the ratings are ourselves. I was watching, I was watching. I was in Canada yesterday. I flew, flew here, you know, just now. So I was watching the address last night with my parents at my parents' house and then afterwards on CTV News. You know, they talked about it for a little while and then they went on to other s**t. You know what I mean? Which in Canada is a lot about? Like, there's like a couple of murders and stuff like that. That's all the, you know, because like I think in Canada, probably one or two, maybe two people die every six month period. Yeah. And that includes natural death. No one's dying. Know, and no people really think about it before they, you know, pair up and have a kid that sort of. So it's really that's why there's only, you know, 17 people. Yeah, there's something like this, Ontario, 18 people. Yeah. So but you're watching the news in Canada and it's like, Oh, they sure are moving on to something different. Well, because they're just almost about out of time and they're going to run a little, you know, a rerun of the littlest hobo. That's a little inside humor for Canadians. I have a little it's about everybody. OK? The show about a dog. So anyway, you know, they move on to other s**t. Now you contrast that to the American News Channel, whether it's Fox News or CNN or MSNBC or whatever. And it's like, you have to remind yourself, these are TV shows. Also, we have forgotten sort of what, you know, there's no Walter Cronkite anymore. Who's just a newsman. Nobody wants to agree on what you're. So if you have a point of view, they go, What are your sources? And nobody even agrees that your sources, we used to be at a source and we all trusted in that source. Now it's like, Yeah, but you're getting your news from. And so there's no news. There's no national net. No one safe from it. They're saying like, Oh, now, like The Washington Post, they'll chop the legs out from under you. If you say, Well, I got this from the other e, who the f**k are they? Here's the other worry is that Jeff Bezos thought that he did. Yes, you can create a news. You can create a News Feed, right? So you can say anything you want. Donald Trump has affair with this porn actress. OK. And OK, so that's news. What people don't realize is that the journalist that comes up with that story, that's clickbait, and you can sell that to one hundred and fifty other news places. So it becomes where news and even gossip, or whatever it might be that people actually, you know, I can't see people like to see people fall. Sure, that is valuable. That makes money for the news organization because you can sell it fifteen times over 100 times over. Yeah. And that's what I worry about where there's real profit in. And if somebody, if any, you guys are listening and no stuff about that semi stuff on that, I want to read about it. Wait a minute. Hold on a sec instigation. Are you sounded? You know, I'm not going to say you're not an intelligent guy. No, you're very well read. But you sounded like a stupid idiot. Just then why you just finish this whole thing with your opinion. You worded it perfectly. Everything was fine, and I was like, You know what? Brian might not be a total f**king idiot. And then you go. And by the way, for anyone who has a huge gulf, send it. It's not what I meant. I just meant what you mean, fools and I like to. You are in this age and are some listeners who hate you for the most part, but you are filler right now. That's not that. Send me some good stuff to read, and it opens my eyes and I enjoy it. I want to say two things. Number one, we're doing exactly what Brendan asked me to. Make sure that you do not do well. We're talking about politics. All right, man. Number two, I want to say that 10 minute podcast is still going strong. All right. Not really. No. Why not? We're giving it away. Are you giving it away myself? Chad Carlton and Tommy Blocker are giving away the podcast. Coming up on six years of the podcast have been around. Of course, you and Chris D'Elia were pioneers. Were pioneers of the place in trailblazers. Never be the same without us dudes with a podcast and and built it. And that can't go. Can't build, can't build a bunch of sound. We built that shed we built that year. Yeah, that yeah, we did build that. You're guilty. You're anyway. You know, I was going to say, you know, so usually when I come on here, I say, Hey, come on over ten minute podcast. Check it out. Get on iTunes and stuff. I'm going to say to your listening audience now, only go over the ten minute podcast if you're curious what happens after 10 minute podcast? Really? Yeah. Well, I think I've mentioned here what we call the diamond ring, which is we're just coring down the audience, just crushing it like a piece of coal to have down to one listener. Well, the intention, honestly, was to get the thing. So inside this is Tommy botches idea. And then Chad coined it the diamond ring to pair the audience down to one listener who gets every reference because it's just completely cross-referenced, not only with like stuff, you know, perhaps from the past, from my point of view, but then like arcane wrestling references and weird s**t, the Chad says, and then ways that we sort of play on that and just it makes no sense anymore. It makes no sense anymore. We're losing thousands of listeners. We're keeping we've lost all of our sponsors could get all of them are gone and we've done this on purpose. And we've now turned the diamond ring into some drilling on the ground till you disappear. And we're giving it left, but some dust and flies, and then we're giving it to some dude named Mark to build it back up. So you're taking ash and saying, build this phoenix back up. No, we're giving him a hard f**king diamond on. We're saying upon this diamond, build your house. Oh, and and that's what Mark's very strange, though it seems like a very it's f**king weird. Well, but also it's like, who gives a s**t? It's a podcast. It's not like, you know, I mean, you guys have turned this podcast into an industry. Yeah, that's one thing. Yeah, most podcasts are podcasts. Yeah, yeah. So who gives a s**t? Yeah. So and we're like, Well, we have any plans on starting. We were doing another thing. Yeah, we're doing a new thing. What would that be? Well, we don't. Well, we're just about no rest. No, no, no. We wanted to not be about that. OK, well, I'll tell you what. Don't call it professional wrestling bulls**t. So whilst the highest art form, and that's very that's a very controversial thing to say on modern entertainment. All due respect, I don't I don't know if I think that. Well, I think it's award season right now. And instead of, you know, all this, you know, all the the the the the show business, you know, patting themselves on the back and all that stuff during awards season. I think the WWE slamming awards should air, you know, slamming awards. Yeah. Should be hosted by award by James Corden. You know what I mean? Yeah. And maybe have you know Bruno Mars? Come on, those guys do a thing. And then with Jessica Chastain and Matt Damon can have a speech about some s**t. I think they watch that well. I think that they should host the slamming awards. You know that I work with Goldberg. Yes, my brother on The Goldbergs. Yeah, you know, do you know him? Have you worked with him? I know I have. I mean, I've met him, met him a couple of times. I said, Who's very nice guy? He goes, I got no f**king I. Okay, well, you know what? What a weird thing to say. Out of nowhere. It kind of tells me, who cares? Oh, that's a good Goldberg asked me question. No, I don't really give a s**t, you know? I mean, Goldberg, welcome. You're so big and muscular. Now that's a dumb question. No wrestling family. Can you teach me to lift whatever the funniest one? I don't need any more friends. Whether you want to be friends, he's got a who's your favorite wrestler who gives a f**k? You told me that you bid some of these off ones. Yeah, I did. All right. Well, in a street fight, I was growing up in Scotland. I don't see, I don't believe that you and I challenge in the 1960s. You have no accent. When I was 20, well, I got rid of the 60s when you're 20. How would that make you do right now? You'd be 65. I'm five years or so. 30. Yeah, I'm thirty six. What are we talking about? Oh yeah. A ten minute podcast. We're giving it away. So listen to it to see what's going on next. But it doesn't f**king matter. Don't bother. It's f**king weird. Oh, it's super weird now. Yeah. Oh man, it makes no f**king sense. Great. I just turn on the record I start recording. They don't know that I'm recording. Yeah, I got these two idiots talking about f**king toys the other day. Like, J'ai Old School G.I. Joe's to have any clips of it boring as s**t. No, I don't want to talk about it. All right. Oh, you are doing those clip bits now you watch any. Are you watching the football you got? You got it. You got to pick in this this year. I'm going to the game. You are. Me and Marshall Bit Killer Jones Junior Cook. Really? Yeah. How did you guys get tickets? I got tickets through the audience network up through the audience network, proudly carrying Loudermilk. I don't come on by. It's on Amazon. Don't you think of Bryan Callen? Get yourself some filters for your air conditioning. No more noted and buy. Never grow up. Never grow up on DVD and VHS. No, you can watch, stream and stream now. VHS doesn't come out on VHS a*****e. You're a thing comes out on Betamax now. You know, I bought a video on VHS not too long ago because I couldn't find it on really what Coupe Deville starring Daniel Stern. Who else is in it? Alan Arkin? I'll do that fact and watch movies like Chariots of Fire or Young Frankenstein. If you have brothers, yeah, watch Coupe de Ville, you don't have any brothers. You're disqualified. I have an older brother. I can watch Coupe de Ville. Yeah, yeah. So what I was going to say is, yeah, we're going through, we're going with Audience Network. They got a bunch of boys tell you it's OK. Well, they have on the audience network why. That's why they got that show. Besides, it gives a f**k. And besides Loudermilk, yeah, I'd love to tell you what you want to hear about the lineup. Yeah, they've got it doesn't matter. They've got BMX showdown. Oh, it's a show with bikes where they show down. Yeah, it's like it's like a show off with bikes and rev their engines, but they don't have engines. Yeah, and then they do it with their mouths one moment. Yeah, and then there's a show uncles and aunts that's been shot to have sex and they and they give birth to unfortunately, children that yep, that's that show. And then they have a show called Career Lady Gets Married, Career Lady gets married, and then her career gets ruined and she gets hooked on Valium. Well, that's who she is talking to. OK, well, that's kind of a that's kind of a leap. And then they got, oh, they got all sorts of shows. Quest for Burrito Island, for Fire Quest, for Burrito Island, for Burrito Island. Yeah, that's a reality show, guys. People go out there trying to get a s**t load of burritos and somebody gets in a tube and they attach a sort of it's a it's a fart chamber. So then they everybody's eating their burrito. Somebody tell you've seen the show. The whole group has a tube attached to their a*s and they fart into the the onto the cylinder and you have to breathe farts. Yep, that's a good richest dog alive, richest dog alive. That's a good show. That's a fun show where they where they where the dog is rich. But for the first time, they starve it and then they put convicts in a cage with it and the dog. Now this story about a rich is just about a rich dog. And now those are all fake shows. Good. Well, if you want to talk about it, just don't sleep like that and you're stupid, Teavana hates Starbucks. Are you Teavana or are you Teavana or are you f**king Starbucks? I think they're trying to show that they've got this cup company. Maybe that blonde espresso roast is damn good. I'm happy with it. I haven't tried it. It's good. It's real espresso. I'm happy with it. I'm sorry if I'm a little bit low energy, you know? Oh no, you just got low energy. What happened? No, I had three hours of sleep, two and a half hours. Where did you come from? Complain. Well, just from Vancouver. But I was up last night working on a f**king thing. Well, since it was a big wrestling fan, what did you think of Ronda Rousey and the Rumble shown up and showing up and just being in? Well, you know, she's probably going to have a program with Oscar because Oscar's undefeated. All right, good. I guess I guess when someone comes on watch wrestling, I have to like, I sort of have to like, No, I don't have I don't have cable anymore. So I watch it on Hulu. They have the WWE. You know, you can watch their shows on Hulu and you can get through them kind of quick. I kind of just want to know what they're doing. You know, there are some things in wrestling where I kind of like, Well, I can tell you what they're doing. They're fake wrestling. Always, OK? I mean, that's you know what I mean? No, I know what you mean when they're yelling at each other. So that's what they're doing. No, it is really weird. Other word for that is nothing. Well, Brian, would someone call the great works of Shakespeare? Nothing. Well, now would someone? Call said she looks forward to winning at all, and my friend said, But it's a play. So how to play an athletic play? So how do you win it all? Yeah, although she looks adorable there, I think she does look really, really cute. I'll tell you this right now. You know, she'll probably win whatever the heck, her first matches. But then what they do, she got to give it back. You know what I mean, really? She was she's got a she's got to give back, vacate the throne. No, I'm saying she's got to like, give back the victory. Now, you know, that's about and that's how people stay interested. They go, Oh, you know, she's a big money her. Even though you asked me for money, sometimes I never asked you for money, sir, please. No money, please. You take that back because, well, you have no, you have not to spread rumors. No, I would never. You have a drug problem. I do have a f**king heavy drug. So let me ask you this. That's why you're wearing dentures right now. But let me ask you this. Check this out. Oh God. Why did you make it? Here's my Shane McCallum by Ian McGowan, Shane MacGowan, Shane MacGowan, Luke McGowan. We've shown you think what kind of money you think she's making for this? I'm f**ked. Y'know, what the f**k when I know how much they make? I don't know a few hundred k or a million bucks. I don't f**king know a lot of money. Look at how many people have slots the way she's Ronda Rousey. All right. She's got a T-shirt on like, Hot Rod. Rowdy Roddy Piper. She looks like it's as hot Ronda. She's a cutie pie. I love her. She is by their occupy's. And now you've never been to a wrestling event. No, I read and also I go, I go to Rio. When you go to sporting events, when you go and you sit up close, it's so you see how the how they could so easily get hurt, which I would follow up with if I were Brian Cowan for nothing. And it's so easy for them to get hurt and like the gal on the right in the last picture there. That's a little girl. It's little girls. Little, yeah, a tiny thing. Just tired. I remember going on like a thing and you see these, these, you know, women going all out because it's, you know, it's a big event and you're just like, you're doing a lot of, oh yeah. And I did the same thing. I remember when we went and when we watched Brendan fight in Vancouver and I sat there at cageside going, Oh, Uh-Huh, oh, you know, yeah, you know what? I'm trying to say like that. And they all say that the injury rate is crazy like this. It is not easy. You got to be an athlete to be in the. But you also have to know you also have to have a dance partner who knows what they're doing or else someone's going to get people get hurt. Bottom line is, Brian, yeah, I want to speak to this as far as wrestling fans and stuff and when you talk to me and mixed martial arts. All right, you know our dear pal Brendan in the middle of a I train literally and life investment life. I'm saying that life and death, that's so condescending. OK, I said, I train. Hey, don't do that. I'm just trying to finish what I'm saying. But you can't let me just finish what I'm saying. Don't kiss me. It's so obnoxious. OK, don't say a grown man. If you say anything else, I'm not saying anything. All I said was in passing. I train as well. Don't hold on. Let me finish. OK, let me finish this as long as you don't go because I can hear it, even though don't talk. If you talk, I can talk to my podcast. OK, so you're going to hear what I said was, I train you say, Let me finish what I'm saying. All right, but don't coach. OK, don't talk. Fine. I train quiet right now. All right. Let me finish. OK, here's the thing. You're talking. I'm trying to finish. All right. OK, now I have the same. You talking. Still, you are not a lot. Don't listen. I have the same reaction, whether it's Ronda Rousey in a, you know, in a leather coat. Yeah, and little Alexa bliss over there, slamming each other around and doing their dance, right? Sure. As I do to Brendan in a life and death battle, you know, in a real fight, real fight in the cage, UFC. I mean, and to even to be that close to it, man, oh man, that's a different puts a different. Paint job on things, let me tell you. And it's the exact same reaction for me. Why is that why? Because I told you to shut the f**k up, because I have I have what's called an imagination. Okay, so now when you have an imagination, you can ask a nation to, you know, a lot of people watch mixed martial arts or combat sports like this. You know, whether it's boxing, kick boxing, karate, karate to Colorado. You know, talent show is right. Nope. Just once when a guy is when a 51 year old guy sits in the middle of a mat, tries to get hard hat. I don't know about you. I just know. Just tug. Never done that, dude. I never sat in the middle of a mat and tug my putt, especially the calendar. You know what? I would love to see you do what? I would love to see you. I would love to see you walk out in front of a small group of small paying audience. Yeah. You know, in Cambodia or something. Why in a ring, you know, when they're making, you know, they got food running around. They've got people serving food, their bad. And you know, they have like they got they got bets going. And there's just like, you know, music dogfight before that might have been done. You know what I mean to animals, to different animal, to roosters? Yeah, I mean, mean hyenas, maybe three roosters or one dog and two wild dogs? Yeah, that would be good. Yeah, anything really a ferret versus a jellyfish? Some weird s**t. Sure, that stuff. Yeah. And then the main event, Brian, you come out in really short Muay Thai shorts. Yeah, right? And then you whip them off, put that award down, sit on it, get it up your a*s. Try to get hard in the middle of a f**king a*****e. Well, I don't know who the f**k you think I have. I don't know what the f**k you think you are. I love you. That's a mixed martial. Never do that. I'm not that guy. I'd pay Pay-Per-View money for that. Don't give a s**t what you'd pay. I would never do that. I would love to see you walking out in Cambodia. After all, these animals have been fighting. Yeah, and I'm not walking out there fifty one and pulling down my super really short. My shorts, my time points, whatever. And then sitting on that on this thing, this award that says, Best Woman, I'm not sitting on that a*****e. Yeah. And getting your brown balloon. Not all around that and sitting on it, you really brought this podcast down until up into your large intestine. I'm not doing that s**t. A bigger award. I'll get you. I'll tell you what. I'll get you the Eiffel Tower. Now, you know, from next, I'm going to get you a bunch of every time I'm in an airport, I'm going to get you something that we can put up your a*s while you try to get your flaccid fish dick hard in front of people eating. You know, don't call it flaccid eating pout, pad Thai and king. And what's the other thing, Larbi? That's chicken larvae. That's all Thai you're being. You're assuming that I find it more offensive, that you're assuming that Cambodian cuisine is the same as Thai cuisine. I never seen Cambodia more expensive than OK, so name one Cambodian dish. What's your favorite? What's your favorite Cambodian dish? You're too ignorant to even know what it is. I can tell you what it is because I've spent time in that part of the world, and I have a great deal respect for for all different kinds of essentially cuisine. You know, a mine is what mung bean black bean and you can stop right there because mung bean belongs to to Vietnam and to the Hmong people. No. OK. I don't know about that, too. That was so easy, and you don't have to be an a*****e. No black beans because that belongs to Mexico. So at the end of the day, you're waiting to, and I find it very offensive. One of my favorite Cambodian dishes? Yeah, go ahead. The Cambodian BLT that what is that? What's in it? It's got you're making it up to you. You're already pausing. It's got goat bacon. No goat there. And there's no goat bacon. You can't make bacon out of goat. Goddammit, river lettuce. Zero. What kind? Wait a minute. River lettuce means you mean the lily, the kind of the vegetation that sort of floats on the top of the radio. Spoken like a man who's been to Cambodia finally? Yeah, but I don't think he can eat those. That's that's giant lily pads. Yeah. And then and then, you know, just your basic hothouse tomato on toast. Well, there's no tomatoes and that's in the new world. So that doesn't belong to Cambodia. So well, what do you mean, tomato as far as tomatoes like tomatoes? The little ones that grow on the ground. Some nice vine tomatoes. Same as you get at Ralph's or Cambodia. Not in Cambodia. I don't think so. Oh, I guess. I guess the last time I was in Cambodia in a restaurant eating a Cambodian BLT, watching you get your puckered a*****e Dehradun Pro Airport Box one that and trying to my life your dick hard. No, I must have just been hallucinating. Yeah, you're sure. It brings me back to my point. I can watch, you know, some mixed martial arts happen. I can watch some wrestling or whatever you want to call it happen. And it's just it's all an enchantment of the mind for me because I have what's called an imagination. I. Serves me well. So I am a fan of wrestling still. I like their colorful outfits and personalities. I like it when they say I'm going to win. No. I'm going to win and then you watch it. And then Vince McMahon has decided, who's going to win? And then you OK? Then you see that it's fixed. The outcome is basically the way God kind of has already decided your destiny and you can do everything you want. The end of the day, you're still going to burn like a fire, if you will, Sasso, right? Sure. You're even more on. Let's go to than you believe it's going to the next. So get out of here so I can get out of here. I'm going to get the funk to go back to the airport and fly. You know, you've made me so sick, I'm going to fly back to Canada. Well, what's Canadian news coverage? Because you're Canadian? I'm also American. I really don't take. I don't care about your passport. I don't. I don't want to see it. That's a forgery. Not going to look at it. What's the next current event? A woman tried to bring in emotional support. Peac**k. I thought the joke and airlines was a joke. So this is the actual peac**k that she brought into the airport. That's f**king hilarious. Amazing. And she got denied, obviously. That's hilarious. And here is actually footage of it. Some video See this. This is great. Emotional support, Peac**k. Only in America. It just lands right on her shoulder. Our head down shoulder guy, but you have to you have to register. I don't know what the what the process is, but I don't know. An emotional, some an emotional support animal. First of all, that thing's not wearing like the yellow jacket. She's and that woman is a cuckoo bird cuckoo. You think I got a 40 pound bird on my shoulder? What what's the problem? Yeah, I saw a couple of people walking through the airport today with a couple of really big dogs like beautiful dogs, clearly very well behaved. But they had that yellow little jacket on. Yeah, it says they're now they're now cracking down on because you can get for five dollars this. The woman transports the woman, look at her f**kin socks. She's an a*****e. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If you look at her socks, she's an a*****e. Oh, I figured out this new story. She's a f**king a*****e. Yeah. Well, that's all it is. Don't be that. Look at me and my expensive bird. All right. And check out these socks. What? What you what else you got? Oh, that dress of a bag. I'm casual and an a*****e. You know, her socks are difficult, but don't call her an a*****e for that. Yeah, that peac**ks have knocked. What the f**k are you thinking? You're going to go through the thing and go question? It's my emotional support. Peac**k. Yeah, I yeah, I guess that Peac**k's her friend. Huh? Yeah, she's a chaser. She's a stupid a*****e. That person. I think she's an a*****e. She's got her phone and look at all this s**t. She has never had another phone, her hands barely. She's got problems. Yeah, she's got f**king problems. She's got bubble gum and too many f**king bags. Will Sasso, the female Will Sasso with sixteen things in his hand. Yeah, she looks like a thirty five year old, toothless Bryan. Callen shot. Just speaking of Peac**k and turn it around, Pullin is Muay Thai shorts down to expose the butt end of an airport board. And from and just some blood trickling down on to his balls to because he f**king slit his a*****e with the f**kin scenes of a cheap plastic award. That thing cost me sixteen dollars, by the way. Did it up your a*s? Get that? Put it. In your ass, man, I'm not doing that. Whatever, if I come back here next time and that thing doesn't smell like s**t, I will slap you raw on your f**king podcast, man, that thing better smell like the inside of your f**kin food hall. You are right. I don't give a f**k and get that f**king award up your a*s. Bryan Callen Pure gasoline won't give a s**t. What your opinion is. You're fake news. You're fake news. He's your f**king award. You are s**t up your s**t. Are you in one fell swoop? As a matter of fact, you know what? Just put the head of it in your tight little balloon and then just jump up and sit on it. I mean, OK, I'm I'm sorry. I want to apologize to MJ. I'm sorry. I'm just saying, who's a young intern with her life ahead of her and she's being exposed to this f**king heathen ogre? Yeah, and I'm sorry. Look, you got candles around here. You've got five candles. My friends, Johnny, my friend Johnny was a really special guy and he said, seven, don't give anybody too much power over you. And I said, why? And he said, because when people have all the power of you, they'll do terrible things to you. I said, that's probably true. And he said they'll reach in your a*s and pull a s**t out of it. And I went ahead and yeah, I have a friend who says, bizarre s**t. I go. He said some amazing things. I go, What you guys does is reach in your a*s and pull the s**t out of it. I go to the things that somebody asked how he would do. I don't think the reason he has impulse, I don't think that's possible doesn't make sense. Come up with that. Then we were driving. Then why this? Why do you remember Johnny? Remember Johnny? Oh yeah, Johnny from the neighborhood about five years to Johnny Fabulous. And he goes, he goes, We're driving. And I was like 40 and he was, you know, 48. And he goes, all seriousness. He looks Mingus. We should start a band. Oh, no, and I go. That's a really good idea. And he goes, Yeah, and I go, What would I play? He goes, I would imagine whatever you know. I go. What would you do? And he goes, I would sing. I go, All right. And we just kept driving. And then I was lying in the bed and he goes, What's going on? My legs are so, so I worked out. And he reached down and began to rub my ankles and I go, Jesus, that feels good. And he goes, I now because I'm rubbing the connective tissue in your legs and I go, God damn it. And he goes, I always wanted to write a novel about that. And I went, All right, so those are the things. And the fourth thing he said was, he said, I got to get out of L.A. and I said, why? And he said, because I get really tired of fixing things with my eyes. Nobody knows how to make anything beautiful around here. And he was a painter, and he was. He was. He's on the spectrum, but one of the most beautiful people ever met. And he sounds like he's on the spectrum. And I loved it, and I f**king loved it. Wait, please say that again. My eyes what? I have to fix things with heart. I guess I got to get out of L.A. I so I guess because my eyes hurt because I'm fixing things all the day, all day, because no one knows how to make anything beautiful. Yeah, he's on the spectrum right now, but he was right. Yeah, there's no flow here. No, there's no flow from one thing to another. Just a bunch of little islands, you know? Yeah, that's true. Little islands. Little little. You can't put a price on making beautiful, beautiful things. Right? You can't put a price on creating beauty. All bulls**t aside. I think we take it for granted. But like architecture, like s**t like that that took forever. Like, you know, you see, like a building that's beautiful versus a building that's built just for efficiency. Yeah. It's like, Oh, f**k man, or kills building that's built real cheap. Yeah. Hey, how about that target on East Sunset Boulevard out in more stuff you don't need? Well, no, no. I'm talking about the one that was not built to code. I'm kind of a nerd for this stuff. Did you hear about this over by the Home Depot, away on East, you know, in East Hollywood there? Mm hmm. Well, excuse me, everybody. I just drank three different drinks. Come back to haunt me now. Yeah. Coffee, water and a green tree. No, it's gone inside of me. Go garbled. Or we know, Hey, Brian, I'm trying out for the Milwaukee Brewers. All right. Well, Typekit, I mean, you see what I mean brewing. I came out and about the f**king, you know, they built the thing not to code and it's literally like two or three feet high higher than it should be. And they're like, Stop. Oh boy. And you dumb s**t. You f**king now have stopped a multi-million dollar project here. Sad. The sad half-built shell of a target sticking out of the ground at Sunset Boulevard and Western Avenue was lost, yet another legal matter. Need a target there, I guess. Maybe people need to shop. Sure, they need a bunch of targets, but they just built it. You know, whatever it is, Google it if you feel the muse. But it's just, you know, a couple a couple inches too high because, yeah, it was built for for reasons that are adverse to art. Brian, say that up to the neighborhood that an eye trained artist, a guy and understand or appreciate more than that. It's a deeper, deeper than that function for when a city is built, some city blocks built around one function. It'll tend to be very uniform and soul killing. Yeah, you can't have that. You got to have some artistic inspiration. You get in the building like a statue of a man on one foot arms outstretched in a lean forward. It's sort of a yearning to move forward. Yeah, and and it is a man. Yeah, let me ask him. And his name is Brian Kelly sticking out of his a*s? Nope. Be a good start. But you pay people to throw you in a diaper and spank the s**t out of you. Really discipline you, powder your s**tter and then throw a diaper on you, stick a bottle in your mouth and then beat you close fists and belt. Close fists really bruise you up. No big old banana, no weapons. Yeah, I like a woman with a with a with a petite and delicate hand. Yeah. Balled up with a roll of quarters in it. Uh huh.. Hit me in the f**king nose as hard as you can take it easy. Break my f**kin nose, sweetie pie. Though you say, Yeah, you say I like to get a woman around my f**king nose with one bill. Maybe, you know, while 110 pounds? Yeah, like a little like a very a petite woman. Yeah, petite woman. Five Wants to be a yeah. Yeah, yeah, athletic. But, you know, very, very feminine. Almost to me. Throw a wad of cash in her hand to do what? No, I'll just ask her, you know, that's kind of my opener. You know, a lot of people say that now it's really hard to meet significant other in public. Yeah, right. Everyone's on all the apps, right? Sure. Call them apps. Yeah, Tinder apps, Bumble Tap eHarmony, share apps. Yeah, their apps share their apps. I say no, go the other way. Cut against the grain. That's what I do, and I go up and I just talk to women. You know, my opening opening line is usually hello. And then from there I say, What do you say we would blow this joint? Go back to my place. I'll get into an adult sized diaper. Yeah, with velcro extensions on the air. I'm a little little bit heavy right now. Yeah. And I just want you to ball up your beautiful little fist. OK. Don't worry, you're not going to break your nails because in your hand, we're going to put a roll of quarters. OK? Smash my f**king nose off of my face. And why? Why? What else? Where else to tell you nine times out of 10. They they they they stick around for another day. Where else should we hit which it? Would you just my nose repeatedly? OK. And when I'm unconscious, stomp on my balls. And if you can flip me over onto my stomach, I'm not putting the word my. No. All right. All right. Let's move on. Let's move on. This has been a very, very difficult podcast to listen to. Now let's go to the next one. Joe Kennedy explains Drew during speech the o the size of his mouth was so like sharing with Julie. Oh yeah, yeah. Uh, I was a little bit light on a chapstick. So, yeah, you'll see right here. Place together. As our nation reflects on the state of our union, this is a difficult task. Look at the corners of his mouth. Many have spent the last year anxious, angry, afraid to wipe their mouths, fill the fractured fault lines across our country. We hear the voices of Americans who are forgotten copious amount of and feel forsaken. What is going on? Well, what was his explanation? People thought he was drooling. He had too much chapstick on. He had too much chefs that he nose is responsible. Spicy make a person will give you will always offer chapstick and you're not that experienced. You'll say sure. And then you don't put it on the sides of your mouth, though. Yeah, that's that'll happen. Yeah, that's where you might as well. You might as well rub it on your eyebrows. But like you were alluding to earlier with regard to to go with with regard to the news cycle, Ryan. Perception is everything. Yeah. And now he's, you know, Trump's going to come up with some juicy, truly, truly nickname for him, and that'll be the end of that. Little Marco Lane, Ted. Yeah, stupid Jeb. When I say and Joe Kennedy, really, Joe? Really, Joe? Really, Joe? Yeah. To Joe. Shiny jewelry Joe Kennedy, Joe, the Joe Kennedy. The third term Joe Kennedy. Having negotiate with China, you can agree with China because of Israel. Is true. Is it really boy? Is it really boy? All right. Let's see the next f**king I wanted to ask you about this, Brian. So there's a big game hunter who was legally shooting lions. He killed one lion. He tried to shoot another one. As soon as he was about to pull the trigger, he got shot. Someone killed him. Well, then they don't know who it is yet, either. But that's amazing. Oh, my goodness. So he was off in Africa, South Africa, shooting what is in something called something called canned hunting. Have you heard of canned hunting? Can hunting? What is it? No, they they have. So they have an area where they release a lion that's been bred in captivity. Yeah, exactly. Hey, money to kill it. So they breed these lions doing. They're trying to do this anyway, trying to breed rhinos now so that you know that captive rhinos and you can flood the market with horn so that these crime syndicates don't have this. This need to kill, you know, wild rhinos and make a fortune. It's you know, it's because because the Chinese buy up this horn, because it's an aphrodisiac, it's got medicinal qualities. All this bulls**t, so long as you eat the rest of it. Well, they don't. They just leave it. You never had rhino steak. I've not, man, I've not. Do you mean to tell me you've never been to Cambodia for us? I not. That's crazy. That's interesting. So I would imagine he was shot by by a high powered rifle. It had to have been one of the dudes who worked worked in the park. Yeah, might have been a poacher. Might have been just some guy. I don't know, man. That's that's mysterious. It could even be somebody who was trying to aim at a lion. Yeah, that's interesting. I got to say it's well, it's probably one of those because those guys are like bad a*s. Those guys like the actual African dudes who like, take you into the bush. I know because I've been several times. I don't. It's not good for my Hollywood. To kill. But so don't tell anybody but tell. But what do you kill? Like only elephants? Oh God, man. But are they at least mature older elephants in anyway? Oh, the old ones with the ears that are falling apart? Yeah. Young, cute ones roll around and kill the young cute ones. I roll around a buck. Well, why in groups all by hand? Oh. And I eat them all. You know, when you're always saying, Hey, well, where you been, I haven't seen you. Yeah, yeah. But usually somewhere robust and you look no fed. Yeah, I'm in Kenya in the camp. And it takes a long time to eat you. It takes a long time. One elephant? Yeah. Do you jerk? In at least two, I jerk the meat. Yeah, jerk it like and you create elephant jerky. Oh, elephant jerky. Yes, of course. Yeah. So you'll you'll just go in there with just a high powered semi-automatic. Do you shoot from the helicopter or what do you do? No, I get down on the floor. The floor is so often. Yeah, and then and I bring my Ron Popeil food dehydrator. Oh no. Spare the despair. The babies and the moms at least. Nope. Oh God. Well, what I like to do really going to ruin your career. We haven't seen a boa constrictor like not a boa constrictor, but like an anaconda. Like eat something that it's not like. They can't quite get it. OK, sure. You should see when I like to get face to face with a baby elephant and I just start chewing on it. Schnauz. Oh no, and it's it's buttery. Oh gosh, no. It's not that hard. It looks to be a poacher. You can take a bite out when you're a are you take a bite out of a out of an elephant's trunk. It's like a piece of Turkish delight. All right, you but you're you're a poacher who eats its own his own meat. At least, at least you're a poet. I eat. At least I eat it. I mean, at least you stay just an elephant. You don't care. I can't wait for my pictures of me all happy with, you know, bunch of man, you're going to ruin your career as long as you just eat. As long as you just kill, I guess I could deal with elephants as long as it's nothing else like you don't kill river dolphins, deer, you don't harpoon river dolphins or adorable fortune. All right. All right. No know. No in I get in the river with the elephant bones and I fashion a net a stop that for what river? Don't stop the dolphins, but they're going down the Euphrates. You know, what do you know, the dolphin? 16. Then I make a Cambodian build. Bring up some river dolphins, please. There's no such thing as river dolphin. There are actually there. China. Yeah, they're in the Yangtze. And they're so endangered. The poor things. That's so awesome. Oh, I didn't know that there was such a thing. Yeah, they're awesome. They're cute. Yeah, and they're so endangered. And that's why I feel so guilty when I harpoon them. Yeah, I do, but I do it for their own good. Because I practice detachment. Yeah, they're amazing, they're pink water dolphins. Look at that and that incredible, weird. Yeah. And they're in the they live in amongst the rivers of China, the Yangtze. That's incredible. I had no idea this special thing is a dolphin in a river. Well, I teach you a lot at a pink f**kin super pink. A river dolphin. Poor things. Oh, don't kill the river off. Save the river dolphin. All right. A pink dolphin, though, huh? How crazy is that river, too? It's in the river. They're like an albino. They're so amazing and really cute. I like them. Keep the rivers clean. They look tasty. They look. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No. Red River. No, no. Well, they're not free eating. You can't just have your mouth drool over endangered species. Hey, you want to go eat those you've never eaten panda paws, have you? Where do you think we get the donuts? s**t, man. Nothing better than a real panda pa*s. All right, let's move on from poaching and see what else we have. Pokemon we've really is a very sweet story. A woman fell in love with a homeless man and ended up marrying and having kids with them. Well, I believe he was that homeless. She found him in a bush. He wasn't from Amsterdam, Holland. That just means he was probably trying to get a job. So he actually was backpacking in Europe. And then before he knew it. He lost. He didn't have any more money and he thought he would kind of work around. It ended up becoming an alcoholic and then homeless and living in a bush. Yeah. Within five days, he went on a bit of a f**king trip and then he met the Yeah, we bleach blonde, whatever. All right, let's find the homeless. He wasn't homeless. Yeah, he's fine, Sheila. First of all, she looks very big guy plan better than he should plan better. He's an a*****e and she looks happy. She looks happy. He looks like the kind of dick who would bring a pheasant into a or a peac**k, peac**k and f**king. I mean, he's having an affair with the Peac**k girl, which I won't tell you. Stupid haircut. That's a dumb haircut. That actually is a homeless guy's first haircut kind of haircut. Yeah, it's let's call the Hobo do. Yeah, that's where it's like it's the most special. Yeah. His hair is naturally strength straight. It's just been matted up and dreadlocks street dreads for so long that it looks all curly. So they're like, Hey, we'll give you some male old Justin Timberlake 1990. He doesn't need shoes because he's been barefoot for so long that he's got huge calluses. Yeah, you ever heard Sarah Silverman? She was like, I wanted to give him. He had no shoes. But then have you ever seen a homeless person after a while, their feet just become their own moccasins? I was like, Oh no. Yeah, everybody grew up in Trinidad and his feet were like, that, really? Yeah. Then he moved to reality like that because he was just barefoot running around Trinidad. Oh yeah. You get some thick calluses. Yeah, he had thick, thick glasses. Fetal Adepero. Yeah, yeah. Your feet f**king adapt. Your your belligerent shoes. I go hiking barefoot down it. Don't you got any more story? Yeah, Super Troopers two, I just saw this that it's coming out in April. Yeah, I just work with Jay Chandrasekhar on The Goldbergs wheels in this. And Kevin Heffernan was in. Your was in your car. They're all funny. Yes, I watch. Trailer. Yeah. And to do. Let's do it. They've been waiting for a second chance waiting for their country to need them again. That time is. Meow ! Would you guys give me if I kill that bird fava, that's a bald eagle. Get away, Goldie. Now, guys, what do I win? One way ticket to hell. It turns out that French Canadian town St. George Junior Roar is actually on American soil. You'll be phasing out a Canadian mounted unit. Best behavior by not our idea of a good time, either, fellas. Personally, I'd rather f**k moose. You would need a ladder to do that. Wow. Let's give a big Canadian welcome to the Venmo highway that was. Come on, guys, they've come up here to tell us how great it's going to be for all of us to become Americans. The Mountie in the back with the beard looks cool to get a good actor know stoic is that this is happening. Festival Serbia Kilby test was alleged. Neither of you speak English. I did. We would like to eat your there. Show me your party papers. This time, everything will be by the book. Everything is. Are you guys doing great, Tim Horton's ghost? We're going to get for you guys whole beer liter cola. What did you say? Do you want a liter of cola? Canada's pretty awesome. Don't do that. Who did you think? Should I shoot them? Oh, my God. Oh my. But it is just a great performer, eat this out there, who does their colossal and miserable I south and look wrong, but I doubt that your friend can dump in order to let you do that. Oh my. Looks funny, I'm in that movie. You are. Yeah, mother for you in swimming. No, I didn't. I'm one of the Mounties. I'm one of the evil Mounties. How about me, Hayes, MacArthur and Tyler lobbying you? Are you really? What do you mean? I really go back. Let me see. What do you mean? I really, in a way, you are f**king lying about being a f**king like you are because you're out there. I am right. There you are. There you are. You a*****e. Thank you, Brian. That a*****e. f**k you. You don't even have a line. Well, Louis Armstrong, a line in your f**king trailer. A loser, a loser. You play in it. You f**king the evil eyes. A big, f**king silent moron with no hair. Well, we got, you know. Hey, guess what? It didn't pan out for your career, did it? What? I'm just saying You're an a*****e, Brian sitting there. I'll go all the way up to Canada, where I'm from anyway. No. Well, we shot in Massachusetts. First of all, the way to f**king ask you the same thing. We had a great time at the West End and same s**t, and we in the West End, we have all my thumbs. We had a great f**king time, top my shoulder. He had a lot of late nights and just eat pizza like a clown. He had a movie with my whole f**king life. Not in the f**king trailer. Brian f**king trailer. Lose all hard. Still, you're not going to win this thing. I'll tell you another thing, Brian. Great do tell you what you want to know. Someone else can do that. A f**king candle. I'll tell you something right now. Right now it is awards season, Bryan. Yeah. And for my performance in Super Troopers two, where I took some f**king s**t up a car, by the way, to Jason Chandrasekhar said, Will you took some f**king s**t and you f**king could not get out of the f**king car? And now it's award season, and when I get my award, it seems on either side of it, I'm going to dedicate it to you, Bryan, and then I'm going to stick it up your a*s. Don't go ahead. Thank you. It's me hitting a home run. What you're doing there, I'm still a s**t f**king. And we had a bunch of f**king props thrown at us and the boys look at them. They're f**king watching. Yeah, they're doing s**t. No, I'm f**king not worried about a hockey pothead, getting great job in the trailer as my beard looks a little red. You look like an a*****e. You are an a*****e. Next. Next story? Nah, nah. Not the next story. That's it. That's Super Troopers to April 20th, 2018, everybody. Don't forget to check out Loudermilk. Watch Kevin Probably Saves Universe also got the Burning Woman in the Grizzlies coming out this year. Burning Woman Who would do more obscure s**t. It's not obscure. What's Burning Woman in the Grizzly? The Burning Woman? It's a movie. She's on fire. No, it's no. Oh, I know I read that script. Oh, did you? Yeah, yeah. Would you think nobody's going to see it? But here's the thing. Would it not? Oh, let's see. Deadpool two official trailer Oh yeah, I love that movie. Yeah, me too. I've seen Deadpool three times. It's one of the great movies. Yeah, it really is. It is. Let's watch this. He's so good. Hello, there. Welcome back. I'm glad you could join me today. Let's just dive right in and run all the colors you need to paint along with me. This is a silly old can. Why the f**k? Ready to go now? Let's grab a trusty two inch brush here. Well, look good. Just beat it like it owes you money. We're going to get a little dab of our yellow snow here. Mix that with just another little dab of our Betty White. Now let's just dance and happy little sky. Remember, this is your world. You get to make and break the rules here. Sweet baby Jesus. Wish I could jump in there and roll around and all that cascading white powder. Yeah, just get high and all of life's splendor. God, I love cooking so much. Holy f**k, Knuckles, I am high as a kite right now. OK, let's painted a few little happy trees there, wrong with making friends with trees and what you don't want to do is eat these pizza. Trust me on this one. What even is this going to work off again? That's right. It just good. This is a trailer for the movie in. That's one of those Genest things I've ever seen. Oh, my God. I've seen this. That seems like we have ourselves a finished painting, so from our family to yours. It's amazing that your dreams went. And remember hugs, not drugs. Holy s**t. One of them. This one of the greatest. That's one of the greatest f**king trailers I've ever seen in my life. That is so amazing. Wow. Oh, I cannot name it, Brian. That's what it all comes down to. That was so and you want to get your product across, whether it's the news and you're in that news cycle. Yeah, whether you're in the world wrestling entertainment field and you're Ronda Rousey making a big transition from in-ring combat sure to fake fighting, as you call it, or whether it's award season and you're out in Cambodia. Yeah, getting a cheap plastic board stuck up your a*s while you try to get the 51 year old Dick Hart. Nope, it's all about entertainment. Breakdown down, and that's my gift to you today. All right. Listen, my gift to your audience. Yeah, this has been. I wish I could get this hour and a half back and I apologize to everybody. Listen, you can hear the podcast to hear where the 10 minute podcast is going next. It doesn't matter. Yeah, we're giving our stuff to some guy named Mark. Listen, he won it. Listen, thanks a lot. It's unlistenable when we're listening to the entries of all the people who sent it. It's on listenable. We've had a lot of entries. Only three of them even make f**kin sense. And one guy is just going to get it or another guy. All right. They show up. The bottom line here, Brian, is entertainment. And that's why I got you. Got in early this morning coming home from Canada. Bryan hit me up yesterday because disorganized Bryan. Listen, you guys come to the show in D.C. this weekend, brand next weekend and then come see me at Valentine's Day at Tempe Improv stand up live that Thursday, Friday, Saturday following Valentine's Day and Will Sasso go f**k yourself. Thanks everybody. This has been a disaster. Give me that award. Pull down your pants.