Transcript
So are we supposed to start the podcast? Well, I would like to welcome everybody to I've Had It podcast, and today is a very special Thursday where we get to hear from our listeners, which is always the most fun because there is so much s**t out there that pumps and I have just forgotten, right? And it is. It is such a service to us to remind us what else we need to be annoyed with, right? And that we are people. We found our people, that we have a tribe, we have a tribe and they are our tribe. Yeah. And together we browbeat this s**t. And then we feel better. And when we feel better, we're nicer. Right? Yeah. So this these are very important therapeutic sessions that I think people should be able to get off work for in order to listen to, like, have a holiday. I've had it podcast holiday every Tuesday and Thursday, right? They don't have to go to work till noon, right? They just have to listen to the podcast before. Right? Exactly, exactly. Kylie, who was our first contestant today. Our first one is Christine W, OK? Absolutely f**king had it with dumb a*s over the top, completely unqualified wedding registries where the couple asks for contributions to their honeymoon fund and contributions, their airline ticket and contributions, their house fund and then a bunch of dumb a*s specific, unnecessary things that they're never going to f**king use, like a $5000 woodfired pizza oven or a two person sleeping bag where they're going on a hike like a bunch of cavemen. Oh my God, I have just I f**king had it, and I'm not going to buy you a wedding gift if you have all those things. You know what I like about that? She's had it, and it's followed up with a boundary and an action, right? I love it. I mean, that is that is what we need to start doing. That's what boundaries, you know, they're not my best suit. Oh, you're the worst that I could get better. I do think back in the day, the wedding registry was like China that nobody ever f**king uses, but we all had to register for it. I have cabinets full of that s**t and my kids were like, You need to sell this on like Craigslist or whatever. And I was like, It's your problem. Like, it's in this cabinet when I die, you f**k with it. I'm done with it. Never used half of it. But let me let me ask you about that. Like, your kids don't want it? No. And by that time, it's probably pretty dated, right? I'm sure this is something that kind of cracks me up how people will be like with plates. Those were my mother's plates are those are my grandmother's plates. But neither the mother nor the grandmother ever f**king used her. Right. And what it is is a burden passed me down. Yes, that's why I'm saying it's my kids problems. Let them fail. But you're burdening them with that. Why don't they already have already said they don't want them? Why don't you just get rid of them? I told if they wanted to get rid of me on Craigslist right now, they could. Oh yeah. I mean, I'm just like, whatever you want to do with it, it's fine. Free up my shelves. Great. So have you ever served on your China? You know, I don't think so. I have. I have. My grandmother gave me pass down this old Christmas China. It's beautiful, really nice, blah blah. And every year my mom and I are like, OK, we're going to get that out. We are going to use that, going to do it the whole thing. We'd have to hand wash. And everything never happens by two days before. We're like, Let's just do paper plates. I mean, it's just easier. So I don't even think I've used that Christmas China that my grandmother gave me. Not one time, not one time. What do you think about this trend that Christine's talking about where the gifts are now, many, which I'm kind of. For I would rather. Give like whatever your budget is for the gift, like let's say that you're planning on spending a hundred and fifty bucks for the bride and groom or a hundred bucks, then you could put that in. But I do think it's obnoxious to start specifying, like all of the things like, it's our honeymoon fund or. Right? I don't know. How do you feel about that? You know, my initial thought is it's in poor taste, right? But then when you think about it, you're right, using the money or the gift that you give, they're actually using it right for a good purpose. It's not going to just be a Waterford crystal that sits in the cabinet. Right? But I don't know. I guess it's just my age, like contribute to our honeymoon to our airline. Oh, I'm iffy. I agree with her about the obnoxious, like, $5000 pizza oven. I think that is ridiculous. Right over the top. But I am kind of I'm kind of like. Over the China thing, yes, because I never used mine. Never have all this gorgeous Versace China that I I maybe used five times when I had gay friends over because I knew they would love it, right? And like, because I don't think I've ever seen your version. It's touchy. It's fabulous. I mean, it is absolutely 10 out of 10 fabulous. And I would have a couple of gay couples over and have a fabulous dinner party. But now I'm like, OK, it's there and my boys are not going to want it. Heavens, no, they're not going to want it now. I say, we just do it. I kind of. Here's the deal, Christine. I've had it with half of your had it, but I kind of think the contribution just a cash deal and then let the people let them figure out if they want to go, blow it on their honeymoon, blow it, whatever it is. But I think some of those and I know so many people that have gotten married that they have so many loads and loads and loads of gifts. A lot of them never even come out of the box. I know. And then you re gift them. I did that for years. You re gifted your wedding gifts. Yes. Really? Yes, that is ballsy. Yeah. I mean, I didn't do it to the same. Like, I was very good about like if I'm going to a shower or wedding shower for a person, it's not in the friend group of the person that gave me the gift. So you were kind of diabolical about it? Yeah. Well, I would sit there how it all started. It wasn't like diabolical. It was, Oh my god, I have to be there in an hour. I don't have a gift. Oh, I've got a whole roomful of gifts. So that's what started it. Then I became diabolical, but I kind of just fell into the gifting and then it became kind of an addiction. I don't think it was an addiction. It was just so convenient, right? How many gifts do you think you re gifted? Oh gosh. During the time when I was getting married and everybody else, I knew getting married. I mean, I would say at least 10. Wow. Yeah. Now why not? Because you get all that serving pieces that are like, I get it. I get so stuff that's generic. No, I get that. But I think it's really ballsy, and I think it was kind of a sign that maybe your marriage might end poorly. Well, considering every time you and I drive by the church that I got married in, you say, Where is the crime scene tape? I did. Every time we pass it, she pointed out, Guess where? Where's the crime scene tape? I do every single time. So there were a lot of signs before that. Yeah. Why don't you tell the listener when you got to the aisle and you looked at 500 people deep, 500 people deep had an enormous amount of bridesmaids, which Jennifer loves to beat me up about. And I remember, like, I took the first step and through my head, it goes, I'm thinking this could go either way. And it went that way. This could go either way. This could go either way. As I'm marching down Kylie, who is our next contestant. Up next, we've got Dana Al Dana, Dana L. I don't know where this podcast has been all my life. But since I discovered it, I have been binge listening. To the I've Had It podcast, 24-7 for the past at least three days, and I've had it with my bladder. I have laughed and laughed and laughed, and every time I laugh up a little bit, I guess I'm 50. That means I have to change my underwear at least two or three times a day. I've had it with my bladder. Had it had a bladder, tuck your Dana that first of all, that was fantastic. And thank you so much. Thank you, Dana, for binge listening. Love that and piss in your pants for the I've Had It podcast. That is so good and we hope that we can keep. We hope that you can continue pissing your pants. Maybe we should contribute. Maybe we should make. I've had it. Pen liners some depends. Some depends. So let's do Weiner's liners. No, and well, I will tell you that when you do get a certain age like after having children, if I'm walking and I have to sneeze, I have to stop. I can't. I used to be able to walk and sneeze at the same time. Now I have to stop. Cagle then sneezed, so I won't pay a little bit fee. This is one of the advantages of a C-section. I don't have that. I don't like, I don't sneeze or cough or anything. Pee doesn't come out. Are you saying you just have this f**king high and tight vagina? What happens now? I would never say that. I mean, clearly, I think perhaps is saying, No, I'm not. I'm just saying like, I never have. So many of my friends have that problem, but I've never had it because I was C-section girl. Look at paps listener, look at pumps with the high and tight visuals. I mean, pumped. His vision is high and tight and tight. It's like listener. It's like a safe Dana. I am so sorry. I can I hear what you're saying? Because sometimes my bladder fails me during a sneeze, or maybe a hard giggle so I can relate with you. Pumps finds this entirely unrelatable because her vision is so high and so tight. I think you're putting words in my mouth. I in you said, I don't, you know, like, I don't have this problem. I have other bladder related problems. What are those? Oh, they have to pee nonstop for all the g*****n. No, no. Zip it. No. When I have to pee, it sometimes takes me a while. Oh my god, listener. Like, when I sit down, it takes. This is torture. So pumps and I are so well, I'll let me just say it. We're so f**ked up that when she comes to the office to see me be like, I've got to come with me. So I just go with her. And so she sits down on the toilet. And I mean, it is like at first I'm thinking, is it stage fright? Well, now we've been friends for over 20 years, and then she's like, like squinting and she's focusing. Yeah. And then finally, a little trail starts, hints and then it stops. I'm like, What happened? She's like, Hang on. I got to focus. I got to focus. She wants me to go the bathroom with her because she wants to talk to me. But now I don't want your vagina so g*****n high and tight that piss isn't coming out. I don't think that this is high end type vision problems. I'm going to make it a hashtag hashtag. Daffy Pops hashtag perhaps has a high end type vision. This is the worse thing. I mean, this is unbelievable. I can't. I remember the house that I lived in before this and perhaps has like. Like uncontrollable toddler like bowel situations that come on. And I mean, it's bad. So I'm just sitting in my living room. My housekeeper was at the house cleaning my master bathroom and I have like, I have a baby and a toddler. At the time, I hear pops come barreling in the house and I'm like, Oh my god. Hi, pops ! And she goes and plops down on the toilet. My poor housekeepers in there and it is a Nagasaki Hiroshima style explosion. Burdick comes barreling out of the bathroom and I was like, What the f**k are you? Do I know that was bad, but I was. It was a 9-1-1. Yeah, yeah, it was bad, but poor. Berta, I know, was bad, but we yes, and we do. We go to the bathroom a lot together. We pull together. I think a lot of friends pee together. Would you play with your girlfriends? Yeah, yeah, my actual girlfriend. We're very codependent. I'll sit on her lap while she's being. I can totally see lesbians peeing together, but pumps and I are non-practicing lesbians, right? I mean, the only thing the only thing that's not lesbian about our relationship is that we don't sexually act upon it. Other than that, we're total Les's total. Yes. Yes, Kylie keeps telling me there's time for me. Still, there is time for you in your prime. Yeah, still high and tight. But I think that high end type of gene could be really marketable on the Post 50 lesbian market. So I'll I'll hit it. Okay. Yeah, let's do it. OK, who's next, Kylie? Up next, an on theme is Derek B.. I have f**king had it with automated everything in public bathrooms. The f**king sinks, the f**king soap. The f**king hand dryers. Even if you want paper towels, they're f**king automated. And I have to put my hands in and out 15 times like I'm fisting somebody in order to get the f**king water out of the sink to wash my g*****n hands. I've f**king had it. He he's he's not wrong. He's not wrong. I mean, where's the lie? There is none. Here's the problem. That s**t doesn't work now. Half the time, it does not work. So at this particular place that I go to every single day to engage in a sport, the bathrooms have these. You can roll your eyes all you want to. But I'm not going to say it today because I don't want I don't want the f**king, you know, backlash from you and Kylie and Richard. So anyway, the toilets are supposed to be automated pleasures and they don't work. So every time I go in to pee before I partake in the sporting activity, I look at the toilet. They're all full. And so then I have to put my foot because I don't like to touch things. And so the touch thing works great. But he's right. They don't work, they don't work. The touch thing doesn't work great. But the idea is good because you don't get germs, but it's better just get the toilet paper right and then flush the toilet with that in your hand. I also find that when you're trying to wash your hands like you have to do 47 dances to figure out where the motion sensor is. Yes, you can never just like put your hands under there and the water comes out, right? It's like, Where is it? Is that this way? Is it that way? And then it'll spurt and then it'll stop. Yeah, no. I'm a big I don't like that. No, I don't work. The so usually it's, you know, doesn't shoot out where it's supposed to degrade. Yeah. Paper towels are disaster. Disaster disaster. I think Derek is a hundred percent right. I think in general, public restrooms need to up their game. I think if you're a business and you have a public restroom, that s**t needs to be really well maintained, for sure. I just I think they need every lot of the places I go to. I think they need to maintain their public restroom integrity. Better soaps need to be refilled, toilets need to be cleaned, shut off the ground, paper towels refilled. And I just don't think I don't think this is being addressed enough. I think it's being ignored. The worst part of it, though, is the nasty public toilet paper. Like the feel, the toilet paper in the public bathroom. Oh, it's like sandpaper. Yes. No, that really hurts on your high end version of a gene that's never has squeezed a baby out of it. Don't you think that would probably hurt more? Kelly, you've never had a vaginal baby yet. So what does that public restroom toilet paper hurt your vagina? It does her. I don't know how bad it hurts you. You know it does hurt. Is it untitled on high, low and loose? Quasi quasi high, quasi tight? I mean, I have to do some bagels, you know, to keep it. Do you have to do any chemicals? I don't. What about you, Kylie? I don't have to. But you do. Yeah, I feel like just subconsciously, sometimes I'm doing some right now. Yeah, OK, now I am, too. I'm going to bust out an eight count. I wonder if them, I could pick it up. Who's going, Oh. Audience, let's all do Kaggle together. Five six seven eight one two three. OK, but I will say, Derek, I agree with you. Public restrooms are going to the s**tter. Yeah, no pun intended or or pun intended penitent. Either way, we're so clever. God damn it. Tune in to I've Had It podcast for the cleverest cancer around. Okay, Kylie, who is our last and final contestant? The last one is Julianna S.. I've had it with people not honouring my exit. What is attempted to be a graceful exit? You know the good ole? Well, I don't want to keep you. It looks like it's getting late. I got to get some sleep. That is far from an invitation to start a therapy session with me. To talk about your dumb a*s adult children. Talk about your struggles at work. Absolutely not. You let me leave. You release me from this captivity. I am not signing up for a church. Goodbye right now. You are asking me to either throat punch you or Kool-Aid me and my a*s through the door. Please honor my exit. Release me. That is fantastic. Julie on it. This is so on brand. So perfect. I have this problem when I will tell people on the phone, OK, I'm going to let you go. And then they start gearing up and it's so rude. You know it is so rude. You know who does it to me a lot. Hey, Josh, that doesn't surprise me. He's not done until he's done. It's just unbelievable. And then I have a couple of other friends I'm talking to on the phone. That's the best thing about you and me. We hang up on each other, right? We're like, OK, I got to go, Why? Like, we could be in the middle of a huge conversation and then it's just like, OK, bye. Oh, immediately, the college. But there's never any follow up. Do you get mad at me? Did it hurt your feelings? But Julianne is on to something, and this is that person is not reading her social cues. Yes. She says she's tired. She says she needs to get home, and all of that is getting ignored. What I wonder about is, why don't the people want her to leave? You know, if it's getting late and it, why would they want to keep her there based on the content that she just gave us? I imagine she's our kind of people that want to be around her. Yeah. Based on these people that aren't releasing her, they probably want some of what Giuliani's got. And so then the divide, you know, it just gets greater and greater. And the more they want it, the needy people are heat seeking missiles to people like us and our listeners, they seek us out. And I don't know if it's torture or they want to convert, but it is. It's a problem where people cannot read a social cue that you are about to leave. I've gotten pretty bad about it. Like Josh and I will go out and walk the dogs and he'll start. We see some people we know I'm like, Hey, how are you? And I just think we're going to keep on walking. Right? It's not even a stop. Josh stops and he starts some of this f**king dorky a*s dad humor s**t. And then I just I just go ahead, write down about five yards like, I'm not participating in this conversation. Well, and he's the worst offender. Like, if you were, stop talking to someone, he would be five miles ahead of you. He would never. Even remotely slow down. What about Giuliani's saying, release me, release me. That's a great one. It's just I don't know what's worse trying to get off the phone with somebody or trying to leave a party. The in person is a million times worse because on the phone you can always like, Oh my god, I got to go that it's cutting out, cutting out really bad. You can hang up so you can fake the entire thing right and then send a text. Sorry, my cell phone service is really bad right now, right? And you can get out of that. But the in person, and if the person isn't visibly seeing your social cues, which sounds like Giuliani's are probably pretty palpable, right? You know, because I think when I'm kind of done with something like it just starts everything all over me. Yes, yes. Immediately. I just remembered I've had somebody that I'm trying to leave. I get in my car and they stand between the car door and the car while I'm sitting there, so I can't shut my door. And it's just your mouth just nonstop. Yak yak, yak yak, yak yak, yak yak. This You know what we're starting to identify as this podcast progresses, ladies, is a lot of this starts with yak mouth. 100 percent, OK? And then it's followed up by people that are unable to take into account the feelings of the listener and people that cannot read the room. Yeah, and people that cannot land the plane or, as Josh would say, shotgun it right shut. Got it. So if we were to have in this podcast an enemy that all everybody in our tribe unites against, it would be those people, right? I could not agree more. Julie on it. Thank you for. For helping us get the word out there about these abusive people. Release me. Release a fast and listener. We are going to release you perhaps has got to go take care of her high end type regime. And I've got to go to a Cargill exercise cla*s. Send us more voice memos and we will see you next Tuesday. Follow us like us. Write US Reviews Cynic's Thursday. Oh yes, next Thursday. But either way, what does it spell? Pumps can't buy with that too high? Yes. Look at it with that.
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