Lisa Donovan: Astrology is the blueprint of your life

Transcript

Welcome to Carolla Classics. I'm your host, Superman Giovanni. This is the podcast with the best moments, highlights, and fans like the clips from all sixteen years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Carolla Classics with the ad free archives exclusively available through Adam Carolla Substack at adamCarolla.substack.com. You can also find the ad free archives from The Adam Carolla Show, Adam and Doctor Drew Show, which has been recently relaunched. Make sure to check that out. And Adam's brand new podcast Beat It Out currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classics@adamcarlo.com. Let's get to the clips. Coming up first today, we have Adam Carolla show three ninety featuring Patrick Wirberg, Theresa Trausser, and Brian Bishop from 2010. And now the least interested man in the world, Adam Carolla. Yeah. I love Good line, Mike Lynch. Alright. Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on mandate. Get it on. Good to see you, Bob, Brian. Everybody got that? Good to see you, Theresa. Good to see you, Adam. Couple quick, ditties, and then we'll, get to the news and the show with our one of our friends, Patrick Warburton. And, Theresa's got her blurb from doctor Drew, which she will officially read that we sort of teased a couple days ago. I will be, today in Chicago at the Craftsman store. They're doing some big Craftsman store thing, and I'll be doing some stand up there like a presentation. So if you're out in, Chi Town, you're in Chicago, I think it's free. Come on out and, check it out. I think I'll be there about, 06:00 in the evening. We'll all be at the famous, Melrose Improv, doing this show, the live podcast, this Saturday. 08:00 show, 10:00 show. We got some special guests. We'll be up stage. You'll get to see how the sausage is made or, as we like to say, the fudge is packed. Right? There's two ways I like. No more living hand to mouth. It's living a*s to mouth. And, I want I don't wanna see how the sausage is made anymore. I wanna see how the fudge is packed. Do we like to say that? We I wasn't aware. As we as Teresa is fond of saying Check with us before we say that you want to say that. We're living we're living, Astomouth, and you come back, get a little peek behind the curtain, see how the fudge is packed. Sure. Are you clear on that? I'll not be behind that curtain. Alright. And, also, of course, one of our fine sponsors, Stitcher. Go to, Stitcher and, download the show, and I always say download, but stream it. It's free. Stitcher.com, iPhone, Blackberry, Android, Palm. We'll be doing some, extra content for, Stitcher just for our Stitcher folks. And, T, I think we'll try a little news teas and then, we'll finish the end of the story. And, you can, exclusively get it at stitcher.com. Stitcher Com. Also, go to meeting. Yeah. These guys are, close cousins to our, other good friends. Go to my PC and go to Mac. Just go to meeting. Again, oh, boy, the planes, the travels to take off the belts and to take off the shoes and the hassle and the strip search. Forget about it. Go to meeting. You don't have to leave your office. Hell, you don't even need to be at your office. It brings, everyone together. Their, service is brought to you by Citrix, and, you can try go to go to I just wanna say my because it it's go to my PC and go to my Mac. Go to meeting. You can try it out for free. Same deal we had before. Just for my listeners, you can try to you can try out GoToMeeting free for forty five days. They got a little special offer. Just visit GoToMeeting.com. That's GoToMeeting.com. Click on the try it free button and type in the promo code Adam and, be sure not to let them or to let them know, I should say, that we sent you because, then we get credit for it in forty five days free. And you can do as many meetings as you like. It's not like, well, you can do five meetings a month, but that's all you can do. And in this time, I can Can I go to my 12 step meetings? Yes. Seriously. Because it's hard for me to get out now. You know, my schedule's busy, but I still need the recovery. Go to my 12 step meetings. I like that. Thank you. You know, I it all Ryan, you could go to my chemo.com. Yes. Oh my god. I think I have a the time that was there. You wanna leave the house? Could you get your, what is it called? At Ativan? My Ativan. Fastan? Yeah. My Ativan too. Yeah. Ativan's Valium. That's what I had. Get your infusion at home dot com. Yeah. I'm just saying. The hassle and the and the money and the parking and everything else. Anyway, go to meeting.com. They're one of our sponsors. Show them some love, would you, people? Speaking of love, t bone, you said that, doctor Drew wrote you a blurb for your book? I didn't know what a blurb was, ten days ago, and I've been pounded. I've had the s**t kicked out of me by blurbs over the last ten days. It's funny because I didn't really think you'd need blurbs because you're famous and your fans are very intensely in love with you. I looked at the back of Sarah Silverman's book and her blurbs she did something really cute. Her blurbs are all from kids and they say, like, it's a book. Billy, age two. It's cute. Right? You didn't really need blurbs, but it doesn't hurt. Yeah. I mean, we had Bill Simmons in here yesterday. He said he didn't have any blurbs, and he sold a couple hundred. What? He's got Malcolm Gladwell's blurb right on the cover of his book. He said he didn't have a blurb. I I don't know. Look that up, peeps. Alright. I could've sworn I saw Malcolm Gladwell blurbing him. Well, maybe there's some sort of retro, but active blurb where they'll, like, add a add a sticker or the second printing. Yeah. Maybe the second maybe the one that went to paperback or something. And he also maybe has a couple different books, so maybe the most recent wasn't blurbed. Mhmm. Did you go to Kenny Burns? I went to Kenny Burns. I went to, Sethi McFarland Oh, you did? And, Jim Kimmel. It's always I always call him a different name than everyone else knows him by. So I had to, Jamie Kimmel. Bobby Dinner. Right. I went to, Billy Simmons, and, I went to let's see. Who who am I, who am I oh, Alecki Baldwin. Oh, you went to Alecki? Alecki Baldwin. Yeah. Wow. And Puppies for closes on. Did they all agree to to read the book? Well, Ken Burns Kenny. The Kenny Burns and, Lekki Baldwin Lekki Baldwin, their people got back to me within a half an hour. Nice. They were doing whatever they're doing, civil war reenactment. I guess Kenny Burns is out there doing that. Oh, not not lucky? Seems like he has cup of tea. Oh, he's a voice in an hour. Okay. Yeah. And, so, actually, the two guys I probably I I probably know Seth, Jimmy for sure, and, Bill Billy Simmons better than I know Kenny and Leckie Baldwin, but the two I knew the least got back to me the fastest. But maybe it's that kind of situation where it's just you're comfortable. They know Jimmy's I think he's on a raft somewhere or something. But, anyway, they'll figure it out. The problem is is I have my editor up my a*s like, hey, man. What's up with those what's up with those blurbs? And, like, what am I supposed to do? Like, send Baldwin a s**tty email? Like, hey, dear dill weed, how about you get off your a*s when you're not I don't I don't know what's more important, you hosting SNL for the 404 time, or you give me a little blurbs. How about you send them a text? Yeah. Where's my blurb, sad face? Yeah. Dear least favorite Baldwin. Oh, by the way, we've got a news story that involves a Baldwin coming up. But, this blur okay. So I was nervous to ask doctor Drew because it involves two things that terrify me. One, asking people for favors. Mhmm. And, two, in a way, you're sort of asking someone to say something nice about you. Yes. The combination of those things You're almost forcing them to go. Into. The combination of those things Right. Is very, very uncomfortable. And I only know doctor Drew tangentially through you. Well, forcing people to lie is never a comfortable situation, Theresa. Well, doctor Drew, I don't think. So I, so my agent called his agent and and the assistant said, well, send it. Doctor Drew obviously cannot, you know, just, you know, he needs to read the book Right. Before he can agree to blurb it. And I thought that's fair because if it sucks and you're doctor Drew, why do you want your name anywhere near it? So we we sent in the manuscript, and, my agent was so happy with the blurb that he called and was like, great news. And I thought, oh, somebody optioned the book? No. But he loved the blurb. And, it's really he obviously read the book and it was I so I was really touched by it. You say he obviously read it. Because I understood my book in a new way Mhmm. After having read his blurb. Okay. Well, let's hear what it says. It's just gonna wrote and He clearly wrote it, and you'll know because it is his syntax. Okay. And there's no mistaking it. Alright. But I'll warn you because I don't want you to laugh that it includes the word an a. Okay. Okay? Alright. So try to take it seriously. Well, just call it the n word, which, please okay. Ready? At least when you get to the word nay, just say the n word. Just say it that way. That's what it sounds like. Gonna ruin the flow. I just wanna hear what that means. The flow. Alright. We'll do one this way and then we're gonna just go one. Back. We're gonna say the n word. We'll see if it changes at all. Exploiting her baby, perhaps, but most certainly rewarding her readers. Teresa Strasser trudges, nay romps with us down the road from the anxiety of no baby to guilt of not deserving a precious child. All the while, she reminds us that the echoes of our families of origin, although carried along with us like so much muck in a riverbed, need not choke our ability to flourish and find joy as parents. Wow. Dude. That was dagg. Wasn't that beautiful? Yeah. No. He's he's, Do you wanna hear the n word version? Yeah. Let's hear it. Let's see what it sounds like. Exploiting her baby, perhaps, but most certainly rewarding her readers, Teresa Strasser trudges, n word, romps with us down the road. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That is But, I mean, this this verbiage Mhmm. About the echoes of our family of origin Yeah. Carried along with us like so much muck in a riverbed is beautifully written. Well, he hates his parents. But Need not choke our ability to flourish and find joy as parents. That's really what my book is about. I mean, ostensibly, it's about, being pregnant and all that s**t and not being able to take Vicodin and getting morning sickness and worrying about stretch marks. But it's really the meta is, like, will I be able to be a mother when I didn't exactly have one? Right. And, you know, Drew first off, Drew, he loves this stuff. Like, it it's so funny. I mean, it's it's it's it's really easy. If you tell, Jay Leno, hey. How about you come out to Caesars Tahoe and do stand up? He says, give me $200. If you say to him, how about you come out to the Queen Mary and go to the Japanese car, the the the Japanese car show once a year, he'll just come out for free and do whatever for free. So it's like s**t people are interested in versus the stuff where you go f**k it, you better pay me. Doctor Drew loves anything to do with a book or a word or page. And there is a 12 step related there's recovery related chapter. Right. And it's a a million little Reese's Pieces Right. Which has to do with the, eating disorder recovery. I like that. Because it is a weird thing to get pregnant and gain 60 pounds when you are, in a recovery program? Well, I gain weight. You know, there's a couple couple thoughts at a at a nice nice moment with my son today where I said to him, he was playing doctor with, my daughter, you know, to got got the paddles out. By the way, they need the f**king crash cart and everything. Yeah. They literally have the paddles out. And they're like, you put this on your heart. Can I have your hand me down toys? Yes. You dip them in Purell and go go to town. So, so I was playing doc, and I said I said, hey, Sonny. I said, when you're older, would you like to be a doctor when you're growing up? And he said, no. And I said, well, what do you wanna do when you're when you're big boy? And he said, I wanna help daddy in the garage. I thought, wow. Yeah. Wow. So yours is gonna be, hey, 90 year old flunky. You couldn't cut it at, junior college. How about you crack daddy another cold one? You know, there's worse And by the way, I've seen you eyeballing trophy mom. Back off. Back the f**k off. I know you're horny. How about you jack it off upstairs to come back down with a beer? I know she's younger than you. Yeah. For no reason. I don't mean you get the f**ker. You'll still be married. Okay. I think you'll still be married. Just a different woman. Point is this. That's very sweet. So, yeah. I wanna help daddy in the garage like that was a gig. So, but It is for Donnie. Drew, Drew, you know, the thing that's crazy, and and this is why we shouldn't even try with our kids. Drew's parents drove him nuts too. I had no idea. Did they really? His dad passed semi recently and lived to a ripe old age. His mom is is still around. And, you know, his dad was a doctor. His dad sent him through medical school. I mean, sent him through college and sent him through medical school. And, essentially, it was it was a foregone conclusion that doctor Drew was gonna be a doctor. Well, I guess, if you're in the seventh grade, your name is doctor Drew. I guess, Or maybe it was probably just Drew back then. Back then. Yeah. And, actually, that's his middle name. That's not even his Really? His first name. What's his first name? It's just something simple like John or something. David. David Anderson. David. Right? Well, there you go. One thing you Gentiles do is you do that. Like, all of a sudden, this guy goes by his middle name for no reason. Yeah. I never understand that. Right. I would except for here's here's what I would sound like. So you'd have to go to parties and go, I want you to meet my friend. And now I'm introducing Hey, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Carolla show. Yeah. Winwar. Don't have a f**king middle name. Yeah. Super lazy a*s f**king parents. But, and I I swear to god, I know it sounds crazy that I'm pissed about that, but it it's one of those things that's representative of my family and their laissez faire approach to their kids. The no middle name just means not that It's it's It means it's a combo. It's first of all, it didn't take the time because I know this was a conversation over the middle name that took up many, many months and hours, for my kid. It's a big it was a huge deal. And the the second part is that your parents don't even think it's weird. Like, when you ask them, why didn't you give me a middle name? Like, it's Just go, I don't know. In retrospect, it's not even weird. It's not like, you know what? Back then, we we were really we were young and we were overwhelmed. No. No. The beauty of my parents is not only are they sort of world cla*****k ups that way, they never think anything's weird. Like, my mom Right. My mom with a super straight face, as I've famously said a million times, can look at an entire table that includes me of friends and relatives and and say, can you give me one good reason why I should sign up for basic cable when her son has two shows on basic cable at the time? And she has no problem making that proclamation in front of everyone. That's the weird part. Like my like I said, my dad will call me the the day after Dancing with the Stars, Aaron, and go, did you do the bit last night? Did you do your thing? Did they let you wear the fat suit? Like, dad, that's weird. You don't know that's weird? And there's no explaining it. There's no explaining it. No. I'm telling you the whole reason I never leased my dad a fourth luxury automobile is because I told him I'm tired of you not pulling up in it. And, he was like, what's up? And, I was like, dad, I spent a lot of money for you to drive this Jaguar and every time you come to my house, you're driving a Honda CRV and he's like, what's up? Like, I don't feel like leasing you a new car. Why not? Because you don't drive the old car. I do, just not to your house. I said, dad, you don't understand how that would make me feel? No. No. I do not. It's like you bought from a turnip. He's never gonna get it. If I lease someone a car, I wouldn't have a rule that they needed to drive it to my house. And I'm like, it's not a rule. It's just it doesn't make me want to lease you a new car. And he's like, I don't I really don't understand what you're saying. Like, actually, I said, can you please just identify with this? Like, could you please, like, just go, like validate. I understand that it would not be satisfying Right. If I'm spending $800 a month with insurance and a lease or maybe a thousand on a car that's way under mileage, by the way, that needs to be turned in next month that is you're 10,000 miles short on that you would pull up at my house and not be driving it. No. No? No. Absolutely do not. It's absolutely satisfying. I think that's why, overall, until recently, I had an easier time with my dad, because I think he sort of he really deeply understood his mistakes, and he never stopped talking about when he gave me back to my mom and seeing me drive away and the tear on my cheek, and he never he never stopped agonizing over the mistake. And so it was kinda easy to forgive him. Whereas my mom, I'd have conversations with her in my twenties where I'd hysterically be like, you made me take the Greyhound when I was eight. Right. And she would say to me straight faced like Chris, Carla, well, what was I supposed to do? Right. Right. Provide transportation or keep you Drive me? Yes. Or keep me. Not put me on the Greyhound. I know. I know. That's why it's not worth having those conversations. Yeah. It was you know what? But it took me, like, ten years of doing it to realize that I was just it was just aggravating everybody and that there was never gonna be a moment, like, you know, this this James Joycey in epiphany where she went, oh. Yeah. That you in danger and made you feel unsafe. To to be fair to my dad, he's so consistent with his s**t that when I told him, hey, old man, guess who's, gonna be leasing himself a Hyundai from now on? He went, alright. Hi. And he's never mentioned it since. Never said a word about it. Do you think your parents, your dad specifically, are are are genuinely clueless? Or are they sort of digging their heels into the way that people are like, well, this is this is what my opinion or my my sort of belief? Or they genuinely, like Everybody's Whatever, man. Everybody thinks my dad is trying to make a statement or my mom is trying to make a statement because the stuff they do is it's it's so brash in its own Yeah. It's outlandish. Quite eluded up sort of way. Like like, why should I drive the car? You lease me. Like, I don't understand. Watching your child on Dancing with the Stars is outlandish. I guess so. No. There's no statement being made. I kind of wish there was. I didn't statement. I mean, like, just sort of like the way, like, a a a dog will hold on to I mean, compare your parents to a dog, but the way a dog will hold on to a chew toy when you're pulling on it just to sort of No. Go the opposite way? There's no they've already bitten and they're dug in? No. That's that's I I wish I I really do wish there was something like that. An emotional tug of war would at least be some sort of interaction. It's why I wish there was an excuse for no middle name. It's it's that the problem is is it's just zero. Yeah. It's like, why I don't watch Dancing With the Stars. That's, like, painful because the opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy. Yes. And that's what you're feeling. It's just sort of a vacuum. Yeah. It's a difference between having a crush on someone in high school and have them go, Billy Johnson, get away from me. I never wanna see you again, and then crying and running your lockers and then then have it or versus Billy Johnson coming up to you and you're going, who are you? That's way more painful. It's if you're Billy Johnson, there's nothing. You gotta let the f**king person go who? You get the who. That that's the worst thing in life. Oh, it's annihilating. It's annihilating. That's right. Versus like, what? Why are we doing this? Why are we here? Middle name? I don't know. Ask your mom. It's nice to be here. I missed you guys. We missed you as well. So let's stop writing on our folks, but I do wanna say this. Again, stop saying we when you don't mean both of us. That's true. Drew, whose parents, you know, f**king paid for college and took care of him and whatever, still had plenty of beefs. That makes me so happy. Beefs with moms and pop. I figured those Pinsky's must have been like the Cleavers because he's such a perfect menchie human being. Mm-mm. No. He wanted to take a cleaver to his mom. So happy. Yeah. That means that, like, you know, my son could turn out alright even if I f**k it up. In in in a way, it's even it's even worse in a certain sense than our upbringing because they're enmeshed, which is we don't have that really, like, you know, we do what we do. I mean, there's a certain amount of involvement, but you don't feel that, I gotta call down. Go to Sunday dinner at my mom's. If my if my dad doesn't get invited to do whatever, like, blah blah blah. I mean, it's it's kinda nice. As a matter of fact, my dad, comes in and does a podcast where he, like, plays the, plays the trumpet and stuff for for Johnny. And about about about two weeks ago, he's done, like, 15 of them. And he's like, have you ever listened to any of them? And I said, no. And I didn't feel like I I didn't feel like I needed to come up with an excuse or backpedal or anything. I was like, no. I didn't listen. So anyway fit. Yeah. I've gone on various sabbaticals where I have not spoken Yeah. To my mom for over a year. No pressure. What's the big deal? It's easy. Yeah. What you what's she gonna do? Cut you off? No. And then yeah. Exactly. Hey, dad. What are you gonna do? Not let me lease you a car? Wait a second. I'm not gonna inherit your debt when you die? Right. Yeah. That's terrible. I'm gonna have to accrue my own debt? You've ran up a Visa bill, and I won't I won't I won't inherit that? Yeah. I mean, that's the whole thing. Like, what? You need it it's it's it's really it's like a, chick with a, huge, cold sore in her lip threatening not to blow you. You know? It's like, thanks. You've done me a favor. So but, unfortunately, Drew feel felt and always felt a sense of debt because these people took care of you, and they and they put you through college. And they sort of underwrote your lifestyle now because well, now you're successful, but it's because many years ago, they cut a few checks to USC and, where the f**k else? I went to the Lower Jeffs. Yeah. I'll come up Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh she I know. So so a couple people. A couple people. I could see a Drew Barrymore starring. Oh my god. It would be amazing and life changing, but I just still can't believe that I'm a book is being published. But It's a hate. We'll see. Lou Wilson. I got him to blow up my book. Yeah. And I was meeting with this woman. She's kind of important. And, yeah. And she said Not Megan Dom. No. She's a b***h. What? f**k her. I love her. Oh, no. Wait. Not Megan Dom. Megan Dom is a great writer for the LA Times. No. I love her. She's a big fan of that podcast. There's the other Megan, the other the the the chick who did Howard Stern's book. Oh. Oh. Oh. No. So she wasn't was she with Harper Collins? Yes. Yeah. She's she's kinda witchy, wasn't she? She's a b***h. I'm look I'm thinking of Megan. I'm listening to the podcast. I think she lives like every episode. Yeah. Now say something nice about her. Yeah. No. No. I love her. Oh, no. Stop. I've drove it on a couple of times. She has a book out about buying a new house, and it's great. And I don't remember the name, but you should buy it in support books. I know what you're thinking about. She published a lot of celebrity books. Yes. And then she had a show for a while on maybe, like, MSNBC or something. Suck because she's horrible. She, we had a meeting to write a book for her. Yeah. Me and Drew did. Yeah. She did Howard Stern's book and everyone. She was big bigwig. Total b***h. We did her book. She wanna talk about doing a book for her. Her. She did one of these moves. We met her at her hotel. Right. You know, we have a drink in the in the bar of her hotel. Right. She was forty minutes late Ugh. Coming down. She had to come down a f**king elevator shaft. We had to drive across f**king town to meet her. And then she she proceeded to essentially do one of these things where it was gonna be like a love line book because that's what was going on at the time. Judith Riggins. Judith Riggins. Total c**t. f**k. You said Judas are never nice. Oh, Judas are always c**ts. Jesus Christ. My dad should give me a middle name Judith. I wouldn't have license to be a douchebag. My aunt who just died is Judith. Oh, sorry about that. Was she a nice lady? No. She's horrible. Alright. That's right. Alright. Streak alive. Gotta rest her soul. Wait. She's f**king forty minutes late. Came down. Did the never heard of Loveline and then did this one. Since I've never heard of Loveline, no one else has ever heard of Loveline. So let's not write a Loveline book. We should write a book. She want us to write a book on chivalry because it was her f**ked up idea. And she was just like, my s**t doesn't stink when she was riding high on the Howard Stern success. She had a few big hits. And she did that thing where she just went, well, I don't who's gonna buy a book on this? Which I f**king hate because it's like, listen, b***h. Just because we're not in your demo and you're not watching MTV at 11:30 at night, fine. But do your homework and understand that other people are interested in this. Like, I you know, as much as I hate all this kid s**t, I wouldn't be like, oh, I'm not gonna invest in a door the Dora the Explorer backpack factory. Who's gonna buy that? None of my friends use a backpack with Dora the Explorer. I understand there's a there's a market out there for it. She was just she was just, oh, you know, when Howard Stern's book and Howard Stern Howard this and Howard that. I just and we were just sort of everyone was kinda kissing their ass, and then I just finally went like, f**k it. I'm done with this b***h. f**k you. And by the way, you're horrible on TV. You suck. Thank you. She does come across as a bit of a shrewd. She's a b***h. Just you know what? Just because someone has money and has power and everyone's f**king scared that you can't, uh-oh, we're gonna get in trouble. f**k you. First of all, keeping you waiting forty minutes. In your hotel. In your hotel. We had to meet you at your hotel. You would not go and meet us somewhere. We had to go f**king meet her hotel and f**k off. Now people may ask you this as this woman asked me about the book. I'm sure people ask you this all the time about your various, broadcasting, shows, podcasts, etcetera. Like, wow. How do you feel so free to talk about your fan? Aren't you worried that they're gonna be upset? Like, how how do you, you know, how do you deal with telling about such private things? And I I just thought, right. If you have a sort of normal family Right. Then you feel like the doctor drew like responsibility to have some sort of respect Mhmm. For the family of origin Yes. Whereas I kinda think, you're on it's anyone's fair game. Yes. And they have never called me on it and been upset about it. Well, my dad's not gonna There you go. Watch prime time network television. He's certainly not gonna seek out. I mean, he's not gonna worry. s**t. Right. In a certain sense, it's very difficult to be an artist if you have come from a very, normal nuclear family because you can't didn't probably have much to talk about. Well, that's why. Yeah. No pain. No good blues singers. But let me say this very quickly. I can't remember if I mentioned this for a while, but I was thinking about this, and it's and it's interesting. You can tell, and somebody should you should do this experiment, and you can find out. Do this on a date. Do this on a date because you wanna find out whether your mate has a good relationship with their dad or good relationship with their mom because that will eventually come into play in your relationship most assuredly. Yeah. So here's what you should do. Because a lot of projection goes on. I've you'll talk to someone, and this has happened to me before where I said, like, so, we're you know, what's going on? Like, do you wanna get together next week or whatever? And they go, no. I'm gonna be gone for two weeks. I'm going on a cruise with actually actually me, my mom, my dad, and my sister were all booked a cruise, and we're going to we're going around Alaska. We're gonna be gone for ten days. That person's reaction will tell you how their relationship is with their parents. And when I do the thing where I go, oh god. You f**king what happened, man? How'd you get roped into that s**t? You got duped into it, or was it one of those things where is your dad dying of cancer? Like, what's up? Like, oh my god. That sounds miserable. Oh, you're gonna be so miserable. And then they go, I like my dad. And you go, oh, god. f**k it. But you and your mom on the f**king Lido Deck for ten days? Ten days trapped on a ship with your f**king mom? I know. I don't get to see her. And they go, I they live in Portland. Get into it. Dinner. You understand? You're gonna sit and get a f**king trapped on a boat. You can't get off until you get a party. You better hope some Somali f**king pirates take that s**t over you. You hope they f**king push your a*s over in your wheelchair like they like they did when they took over that f**king Achilles' Laurel bike twenty years ago. Oh, man. Oh, the humanity. Oh, that sounds horrible. And then you realize at a certain point, you're just projecting. Right. Right. And they're going, I like my mom. That doesn't sound no. I'm looking forward to it. It was my suggestion. And then you keep going and go, it was my idea. Right. Your idea. Oh my god. So hey. How about how about you put a cigarette out in your eyeball? That's a better idea. That's what you call a tell. It's what you call a tell. So, all the young people listening, when they go on a date, just go, I just got done going on a ten day cruise with my parents. And if the person across from you goes, oh, g*****n, then, do not marry that person. Good advice. Diabolical. Yeah. But could. Right? Mhmm. Yeah. You do find you do find yourself completely projecting all of it. So I'm like, yeah. Me and my dad hiked the John Muir Trail. Took us twenty eight days. Oh, g*****n. No. I would've killed him. Like, if you start hearing that, that's bad. Right? Yeah. Alright. Tea. Now, Patrick Warburton is here. Maybe we should do the news with Patrick. Why not? Should we do that? Yeah. Alright. Let's bring him in. I'll talk about our good friends over at englishlaundry.com. They got, lots of cool stuff. Lots of, well, retro stuff, stripes, plants, solids, all from the, sixties and seventies, or at least it has that vibe. Fabric ain't that old. The look the look is retro, but the fabric, brand new. Christopher Wicks, he's the owner and designer of the place, and I got, three of their shirts. Actually, four of their shirts. Really cool stuff. Got this sort of UK mod look. Got a little of that rocker and got a little soccer influence as well. Scott Wilent, Stone Temple Pilots, has his own collection on, English laundry as well. And it's stuff for men, for women, for kids. All by the way, you can save 20% off of, all the nondiscounted items by just typing in my name, Adam, at, in the checkout basket. So go to englishlaundry.com and, drop my name. 20% off. Really cool stuff. Hey. See? There's pictures of me. Englishlaundry.com. Patrick, good to see you, buddy. Good to see you, Adam. How are you? Good. Thanks. Thanks for coming out. It's my pleasure. I just ran back out to the locked the car up because, the neighborhood looks a little nicer. It's a little dicey. Patrick, of course, on, rules of engagement and, oh, no. Wait a minute. Yeah. Yeah. I got that. Family Guy? Yeah. Mhmm. And a new movie out, by the way. Rock Slide? Rock Slide. Yeah. Tell us about that. It's just a little, it's a little, film we did in a two week period. We shot it over about two week period. But it's about a guy who's, I guess, a less than brilliant detective who, yeah. He's a little bit of, he's a little moronic, but he, managed to get the job done. Patrick, Warburton, by the way, in the, last celebrity, Toyota Grand Prix beat me by, I would say, two hundredths of a second. Well, how did it all go down? First off, I think you tried to kill me. Yes. Everyone tried to kill everyone. I was trying to make a pass on Carolla's left. We're talking about racing, so I have to refer to you just last night. Sure. Carolla. Yeah. So I'm on the yeah. I'm on the side. Yeah. And there was this crashed vehicle on the left. And I looked over, and all of a sudden, I didn't see Adam anymore. I saw this, like, devil face, you know, as I'm going as he's pushing me into a crash car. Well, my You motherf**ker. My car was, broken at that point. Patrick was up my ass, and I knew I had to essentially attempt to block him for the last two laps of the race. Otherwise No. That was it. Because you had decided, since I'm not gonna win, neither are you. Yes. That well, that was that's no one will go. Yes. That's the thing where the guy says you're all coming with me when he pulls the pin on the grenade. Right. I get it. But Patrick beat me, and I I it was it wasn't a tenth of a second, and it wasn't a half tenth. It was No. It was two hundredths of a second or something. It was really great. Yeah. Because I speared the corner at the end, which was kind of a dickish move. Yeah. I wasn't sure when we could block you there. Well, no. And I figured, well, alright. So that's tit for tat. And as I walked up to your car, I was like, I'm wondering what Adam's take is gonna be on this. Either he's gonna deck me or say, alright. Good job. You got me in the corner. So I pull up, and I'll never forget what Adam said. I looked at him and just said, he looked at me and he said, you should have won that race. You're the best driver here. It was a spectacular race you drove. Let's talk Not he didn't say that out loud. He said it was his last I was thinking about how girthy your penis is. Like, how girthy, not length, but girth. That's what I was focused on. The, new movie is, out on DVD, by the way, as we, speak. And, yes. Sorry. Well, I don't wanna talk it today. We shot it in two weeks for $300,000, and they didn't want me to mention the cost. It's just a it's a little film that I think did turn out really charming and nice for what it is. It's not something that people should look and go, you know, $30,000,000. I mean, it's it's It's not Avatar. It's not no. What'd you shoot it on? It's not even Avatar lite. Did you shoot it on, My iPhone. Patrick, you wanna hang in and do the news with us? I'd like to help you do the news. Yes. Thank you. And also, of course, you can hear Patrick on From the International News Center, next to Donnie's MiniFights Donnie St. Shore. Family Guy. Is the news This is Shorten. With Teresa Strasser. I'm only hearing that at one side of that. No. You don't even need the headphones. So Well T Bone. You will maybe in a second. I've got audio. Big production values today. Before I get to the big story of the day, which is Ewan Nordegren finally speaking out and Tiger has responded, first, I have to play miss Philippines. Now miss Philippines was about to take the crown. I mean, she had she had basically smoked the bathing suit part of the competition, and all she had to do was get by the interview. Mhmm. And the tough question from the judges, she was getting hers from Billy Baldwin. Really? Really, I mean, this thing was hers. It was hers to lose. Mhmm. Here is Billy Baldwin interviewing miss Philippines. Alright. Judge number two, William Baldwin. What is one big mistake that you've made in your life, and what did you do to make it right? Thank you so much, sir, for that wonderful question. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening, Las Vegas. You know what, sir? In my twenty two years of existence, I can say that there is nothing major major Kill the director to watch him die. Done in my life because I am very confident with my family, with the love that they are giving to me. So thank you so much that I am here. Thank you. Thank you so much. Never made a mistake. Wow. Thank you so much. Must be nice. And I I'd comment more on that, but last time I talked about The Philippines, they tried to kill me. She is is miss Philippines not beautiful, though? She's phenomenal. She has a look, like, who's the chick who's in Wayne's World? To your career. Exactly. Right. She does. A 22 year old virgin. How about that? Thank you for that question. That's a that's a great time killer. Yeah. Thank you for that question. She worked in her love of her family. Right. Always good to work in the hometown crowd too. Yeah. Hello, Las Vegas. We don't have to do hello, Las Vegas because no one at Las Vegas is from Las Vegas, so no one gives a s**t. Yeah. Of course. Somewhere else. When you've been in Vegas. You ever from Vegas? No. No. So if you see a guy on stage going, hey, Vegas. Like, if you're from Cleveland, by all means, hey, Cleveland rocks, you know. But if you're Vegas, don't do it. It's like No. It's a city without a soul. Uh-oh. No. They just wanna make sure that No. No. I have another worry about the Filipinos. Pull it. And is it miss Filipino? Miss Philippines? Miss Philippines? Yeah. Alright. That sounds about right. So did she win? No. Oh, really? That was it. She never made a mistake? I think miss Mexico ended up too. But what would you do? Like, I mean, you couldn't say I got really loaded and got passed around a frat house once and down on a pool a snooker table. Yeah. Like, you couldn't say that or DUI or any of that that that thing. Right? You could say, probably, I have an abortion. Make it about education. Like, you'd have to say, you know, I I I dropped out of school or I didn't work hard enough in school. I didn't reach my full potential. Something like that. You made fun of, like, a classmate in third grade. Like, I was a chubby kid on the class on the playground, and I made fun of them. I regretting it ever since. Right. Yeah. And later on, that fat a*s killed himself, and I remember thinking, I should have pulled a policy on that low a*s. Leave that part out. Yeah. It it is a difficult question. Yeah. It is. But saying you've never made a mistake. Well, today, Peter Tilden say asked me what and then then I botched the question. After talking about her botch, I kinda botched it, but that show moves really fast. You only have about thirty seconds to answer any question, and then I can't really get into any of my really serious mistakes. It's all just like not buying, you know, Apple stock in the in the eighties. Right? Or something like that. I mean, honestly, I I quit a few jobs I shouldn't have quit, and I really regretted it. That was a big mistake, but I couldn't really get into it. And, also, I did I always regret dumping Steve Agee on Christmas. Oh, yeah. On Christmas. I there's a time and a place. Especially when a guy a guy who eats as much as Steve Agee eats. He's a large man. I think that day. Eating holiday, and it's hard it's hard to eat when you're salad. Express. Steve, was he my boyfriend? He was a boyfriend. His boyfriend, he was big? He's well, there's a picture. I mean, he's on the Sarah Silverman show, and, yeah, he's a lot of man to dump. I felt terrible. Like, you can you can emotionally, you can dump him. But physically, if he was a corpse, you couldn't dump him. There's no paper big enough. No. No. It's a lot of man. Warburton wouldn't be an easy guy to dump either. I would base my killing on the size of people, like, f**king war burning. And, first off, we couldn't get him into the trunk. We couldn't get him in the trunk. We couldn't get him out, and we couldn't get him on you'd sink the boat. We'd have to drop him in the river and put a weight on him. You know? Yeah. AGB, one of these guys you wouldn't kill just because of his size. Yeah. You would just try to be friends with me. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. So I felt bad for that. Yeah. I felt bad for that. But I also couldn't come up with a very good answer on the spot. And there's a hilarious quote. George w Bush was asked that question. I think his answer was, yeah. Could you submit your questions ahead of time from now on? Yeah. And isn't that like saying out loud the teleprompter's broken? Like, it just sort of letting people know you're not really doing what you think you're doing or what you're supposed to be doing. Yeah. Here's my thing with, this, and and and you guys tell me what you think of this. There's always a lot of, like, regrets. Like, well, I made fun of that kid or I did this person wrong or I I I wasn't wasn't wasn't nice to this person growing up. How about all the people you really didn't tell the f**k off? Like, I I got I got a laundry list of people where, you know, my first construction foreman, Mike, my Ken, the guy who's my manager, McDonald's. Like, the idea that I just slipped away without ever stopping going, hey. f**k you. You're a world class c**ksucker. Like, I should told I when mister Gregory failed me from driver's ed in high school and essentially ruined my summer for not submitting a 10 page report when I couldn't f**king spell on passive restraints, I should have said, hey, old man Yeah. With a f**king bad tube that everyone can f**king see from outer space. You're a a f**king lonely old prick and suck what's left of my miniature c**k. Wait a minute. I think I sold it myself. Suck Patrick Horford and super dirty. Oh, a a 55 gallon drum of a c**k. He's a weird sad man. That's the whole thing. Like, my big regrets is that he said you fail, and I just slinked I slunk or slinked out of class, and I never f**king turned back around and went, listen. I know I'm f**king 16. I didn't get my learner's permit, but you're f**king 55 and you live in a s**tty apartment, Van Nuys. You drive a pile of s**t Dodge Dart. You make $21,000 a year. f**k you. Is there anybody who you should have told to f**k themselves, Patrick? Oh my god. Well, I was the smallest kid in, high school, and I got got picked on. I remember the times I walking home from the bus, and I actually got spit on by these yeah. Just total a*****es. And, and, I I Can you be the smallest kid in high school? I weighed ninety five pounds fresh. Oh, you were. I thought you went school like America Samo American Samoa or something like that. I was only two thirty five. Yeah. Smallest kid like that. Supermodel equivalent of, like, I was gangly The rest of the guys were eating three pounds of poi for breakfast and now they they put on the pounds. But I I, you know, I I I don't know why I didn't just, like, go off insanely and just, like, start even if I got the crap kicked out of me, it's it's just that I didn't stand up for myself. Right. You know, why didn't I go back with a baseball bat or something? You know, I was still it's weird because that was twenty five years I got or twenty five years ago. That was when I was 13 years old. That was, Jesus, thirty two years ago. Right. And it'll still make me angry. I'll be like driving thinking, I'm a f**king motherf**ker. Right. I should have spit back in his face. I mean, whether you you could go down or not, it's walking away and not doing anything. So that's a little different than being berated by an a*****e teacher. That is, like, something that really to the your core is, like, what did I think of myself not to not to Yeah. So the point is is there's a small I mean, because we're all decent people, there's a small group of people that we owe an apology Yeah. To. But there's a much longer list of people who owe us an apology, and we should have told them to f**k off. Yeah. And, next time I run for miss Filipino or miss Philippines, I'm gonna f**king that's what I'm gonna tell. My biggest mistake. Baldwin. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Which first of all, why isn't, Alec here? Yeah. Where's Alec Baldwin? Number one. Number two, that movie you did, slither sleuth Sliver. Sliver, blue a*s. You owe me $8. Regret was going To see sliver out when I can Can you imagine who'd said that? You be you be, Billy Baldwin. I say Okay. What is your biggest regret? Wasting 8 motherf**king dollars on Sliver. God, that thing was a turd. Brett Michaels would have probably had another aneurysm because he was hosting. We would not have known what to do. But where's the bandana? So in case she has an aneurysm, no no one knows. That's a good point. That how how awesome of that. I she would get my f**king vote for the president. Forget about miss, universe. Oh, god. That would have been awesome. Right? Sometimes I do have the fantasy that today is my last day on Earth and what I would say to people Go ahead. It's pretty sweet. Tell War Warburton what you're thinking. I thought you were really thinking me. There's no one. Nice, though. Wouldn't it be nice, like, a sort of, I don't know, pinking the brain sort of fantasy where you could control the mouth of a super hot 22 year old? Oh my god. Why didn't you guys do this on the man show like you did with a kid? Yeah. I actually did it with a deer. But, yeah. We did with a kid too. Made up movie. But that would have been Oh my god. Just awesome controlling her mouth. And then the look on her face when that came out? I mean, the the odds that she even knows who any of the Baldwins are Well, she and that she would have seen an obscure s**tty movie. She wouldn't do a lot of talking with that mouth. Right. Because you control it. I I was I was a judge for the Miss USA con contest, like, twenty years ago. And I was on a panel with, Ricky Martin Sure. And Lisa Lisa Fields. She owns missus Fields cookies or whatever. Oh, really? Okay. And, I don't know who else. Famous name. It was the most Were you married then? Yeah. I was. Yeah. My wife came because, because I I don't know what she want. She wanted to go on this show. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. And we had to interview each one of these ladies individually, you know, young ladies. And so, but the whole thing was just so Do you guys remember the the miss sow miss teen South Carolina? She famously she probably gave the stupidest, but I think we have it. That was the Iraq. The Iraq. Yeah. I mean, they they should have it queued up back there. In case you feel like taking a walk down memory lane. Alright. Alright. Uh-oh. Wait a minute. Here it is. And, let's how about the poor sons of b***h the poor mic stands with the, tanning lotion on that have to stand next to them and hold the mic while they're f**king going on? Like, To be fair, she's 18, and miss Philippines is 22. So that's four years, a lot of learning Yeah. Goes on even for a hot girl. Mhmm. Some information does get in during those four years. You learn how to dodge jizz. Not a lot of mistakes now. But you you learn from when you're hot from 18 to 20. You know what's the main thing is to become learning how to dodge a jizz salvo. Oh my god. Well, sorry. That's why we're f**king doing a podcast. Here she is at 18 without that knowledge. Okay. Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate The US on a world map. Why do you think this is? I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, some people out there in our nation don't have that. And, I believe that our education, like, such as in South Africa and, Iraq, everywhere, like, such as and I believe that they should our education over here in The US should help The US or or should help South Africa Iraq in the Asian countries. What is that? So we will be able to build a safe spot. Coming out? Well, look, I don't I don't think it's right to to make fun of someone who's mentally impaired. I just don't It's not. Right? Easy target. You know? Yeah. Well, from one hot girl to another, Elin Nordegren is finally speaking out, giving her first and probably only interview since it was discovered that her husband was a serial cheater. Mhmm. She spoke to people and she said, I've been through hell. It's hard to think you have this life and then all of a sudden, was it a lie? You're struggling because it wasn't real, but I survived. It was hard, but it didn't kill me. Mhmm. She then talks about her daughter. Doesn't kill you makes you richer. Makes you yes. I think that's what Nietzsche said. Whatever doesn't kill you. Well, she she she spoke to that, and she said, that money, doesn't buy happiness or put my family together. But the lack of money buys misery, which is the part that people Some of the true parts of the industry. That part. I know. Yes. Like, having money doesn't make you happy, but it does get you f**king air conditioning when it's a hundred and eight degrees outside, so you're not miserable. Right. It buys you childcare, so you can take a nap. It buys you groceries, so you aren't hungry. It buys you insurance so you can get medical care. And when you get the chicken s**t ticket for $46 because your bumper was an eighth of an inch into the red zone, you don't go, f**k. That's a day's work. You go, f**k it. Yeah. Or what about the feeling you have when you're taking out your family and your three kids, and you think, oh my gosh. If they order beverages Yeah. Then I'm not gonna be able to put gas in my car tomorrow. Is that fun or happy? Yeah. Is that happy? Yeah. You backhand your wife because she ordered the, bottle instead of the the Tap? Well, it not only that or or or just a box of wine that we like to bring with us. You know, the last the last year or two, it's just been screwed up. That cordage. From the economy. And you've heard a number of those those tragic stories where, you know, like, the guy shoots his family and then himself, and it's always, they're always having money problems. Yeah. She's not the rich guy saying No. I know we're gonna go to Hawaii next week, but I'm gonna kill all of you. And then Right. It's it's it's true. It's like, look. You they're you got out of the equation. You can be miserable and and and have money. There's no no doubt about that. But and and it doesn't buy you the definition of happiness, but it buys you safety and comfort, which oftentimes makes you happy. Absolutely. Thank you. Absolutely. Or at least content. Yes. Or at least less than miserable. Yes. It's well, look. It's sort of the difference between, you know, flying first class versus flying coach. You you may arrive at the same place. You may not be miserable in coach, but your chances on that flight of being happy with a high ball in your hand and a nice leather seat that fully reclines and a nice, screen playing your own movie, Yeah. There's a higher percentage chance of you being happy. I'll I'll bet you the people in first class are happier than the people in coach. Money did, in fact, buy them happy. And Patrick makes an excellent point. It seems like That never happens, but No. It did. When guys go on killing sprees and they go it's always they were just fire. They were just laid off or they'd been out of work. It's terribly painful. Yep. Tiger has responded already to Elon's interview Uh-huh. With a statement saying, this is a very painful personal and private family. Throughout this entire time, Elin has shown unwavering concern and support for our children. She is a wonderful mother. I know that the two of us will do everything we can to help our our children adjust to this new family situation. Oh, and your pussy smells. PS. Yes. Now Now was she saying that to the reporter? Was he saying that to the reporter or to Literally p s. P pussy smells. Pussy smell. I got I didn't know I thought that was postscript. No. No. No. That's what it stands for. What what about when they do p s s? Pussy. Super. Super smelly. Super stinky. Oh my god. Is that super stinky? I because I I got a lot of letters have that effect. Yeah. Yeah. That's p s, pussy smells, and then p s s, pussy super stinky. The more you know. The more you know. Thank you very much. They did try I was gonna give her a hundred million dollars. Yeah. They tried to save their marriage initially. They did? Yeah. According to Elon, but I guess there was not enough trust. Alright. Call me, just a jaded dick. Her jaded dick. Thank you. I was a member of Patrick. Your feeling first off, Tiger Woods, once you're once you're over the part where he's the world's greatest golfer, you're just dealing with a boring dude. Right? Probably. I don't know. I would I would always be fascinated by the fact that I am with the world's greatest golfer. That is fascinating. I know. If I were on it, I'm not. No. But I would think that would be pretty spectacular. I bet you pursued fuzzy seller in the seventies pretty I didn't tell her. I remember that until I found I heard that remark about the watermelon. I said, it's really you. Right. You're a big jerk. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. The point is, Tiger Woods seems like a self absorbed, super serious, you know, up up at the t at 6AM. He ain't, you know, he you're not f**king hanging back with him and smoking a fat one and chilling by the pool. I mean, he's a motivated guy. Right? Yeah. And he's a guy that didn't have a normal childhood and had an overbearing dad and so on and so forth. He's probably not a barrel of laughs to hang out with. I mean, again, once you get past the this guy's the world's greatest golfer, you're probably just left with a sort of a brooding jock kinda perfectionist. Guy's probably picking on you and criticizing you and wanting to know why you're not working harder and focused and whatever. God forbid you put on five pounds. So I'm just saying, she's beautiful. She's young, she's figured out what kind of guy this guy is, and now she's got a hundred million bucks as a parting gift. Right. Does she feel like Young? She's on her she's, I mean, in terms of getting divorced, worst case scenario is no money and a here. Here you go. Pack your crow's feet and hit the bricks and you dodge guard. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Take your one year old, your three year old, your crow's feet, and your c section scar Yeah. And your waitress job and hit the rope. Right. That's That's the worst. Right. That's the worst gig. Right? Mhmm. Okay. I think she'll be fine. She'll probably go back to Sweden. Although, I think they're gonna try to share custody, so I'm not sure how that's gonna work out. But, you have to hand it to Elin. There are a lot of nasty things she could have said. Yeah. And she has not done that because that is her children's father. Well, she she has, miss Philippines as her mouthpiece. She does she does her dirty work. She's being controlled. Am I I I was just I'm just thinking about the next dude who gets with Elon because it's gotta be There's another hot hot chick damage goods. But there's that weird thing where as a guy, you do that. You don't like to think about the chick's old boyfriend. Mhmm. But it's like you're like, yeah. She used to f**k Tiger Woods. Hey. Would that be good? Yeah. Like, there would be a element of, okay. Is there that weird thing too whenever she, like, references like, oh, me and my ex used to go here and you're like, you and Tiger. Tiger. Right? Yeah. They do. Me and my ex used to love this restaurant. Like, hey. Right. Now this is weird. This is weird. And you're gonna appreciate this because you're a car guy. Sure. And I just got a 1969 Dodge Charger, like, a year ago, you know. And I and now I know why I call because her name is Angelina. Now I know I like hot huddle cars. Like, give them a car? Like, a show and door? Yeah. Because all of a sudden, they're really hot. You gotta have them. And then all of a sudden, you realize, like, they're damaged goods, and they weren't so honest about how many guys are with you. Because I bought this car, and I just love this house. I'm looking underneath, and I'm like, yeah. I'm like, this rusted rusted body. I'm like, I'm just gonna be pulling out the sides. How many guys you work with. Right. Before you know it, you're pounding on it. She's temperamental. Trying to get her to turn over. She's temperamental. She doesn't wanna yeah. It's got the it's a whole f**ked up personality that you have no idea. Deep stick is the touching oil. Yes. There you go. She's not lubed up. Yeah. Yeah. That's why maybe they named ships and cars out there. There is. Absolutely. Yeah. Beautiful, but damaged. Here's a story out of Florida. Interesting. Man was arrested after getting into an obscene argument with his bicycle. Oh, really? Officers noticed Richard Bylon, sixty eight, in the wee hours of the morning, letting his bike have it in the middle of a mobile gas station parking lot. He was disturbing the customer, so cops broke up the fight he was having with his bicycle. Yeah. Was it a 10 speed? And then, like, how do you verbally assault that 10 speed? Like, yeah, 10 speed? Don't make me laugh. You're more like a three speed, you piece of s**t. I would get some mountains of lesbian mountain bike to kick your a*s. I'm guessing mountain bikes are all There are guys that are actually, physically in love with their cars. There's a special to the BBC you saw that they actually Yeah. Banged their cars. And and, let me look. I'd say Jay Leno. Go ahead. He doesn't listen. Literally f**king one of his cars right now. I spotted him on the free one time 300 yards behind me, and I knew it was him. Because he was in this big, old, huge convertible with the goggles, and he looks like a cartoon character. And I'm like, in my rearview mirror, 300 yards back, I'm like, I think that's Jay Leno. And then as he pulled up my foot I had the same experience at the LA Auto Show with Hasselhoff. But Hasselhoff doesn't need to be behind the wheel of a Stanley Steamer. He can literally just be standing there in boots, and you can spot him from outer space. It's like, I thought it was a Hasselhoff impersonator. It was that much of the Hoff was being exuded. She is charismatic. It is a weird, it is a weird thing for Leno. And I god bless him, but the cars he's driving around have if you're just basically a rich white nonsmoker, which Leno is, highest percentage chance of buying it is behind the wheel. And when the wheels on the car are made of wood Yeah. It it goes up a little bit. You know you know what I'm saying? I mean, it it's it's weird, but you think about Leno. I was like, okay. Leno's not gonna get shot in a drive by because he's going to score some crack in a be East LA, and he lives in a nice neighborhood with security and a wall and all that stuff. And like I said, he's not a drug addict. He's a nonsmoker. Really, for for us, we're gonna buy it behind the wheel of a car. That's that's how you buy it. And he's driving around cars where forget about f**king safety. They had, like, cat gut in them for the brake liners. I mean, forget about crumple zones or airbags. These things were nothing. And all it takes is just one chick who's texting, like, miss Philippines or miss, Blondie was talking to Mario Lopez. She's just she's in her Denali, and she's returning a text, and she just t bones him and his f**king nothing mobile. No. That's why you don't ride motorcycles in LA anymore. Right. It'd be the day comedy died. What's funny about that? How dare you? Well, Leno Leno, though, is a car expert too because he's upset he's he's been as as as a you to a degree. Right? Don't you? Like, don't you have, like, your own garage? You, like, work on s**t. No? I am I am you it's one of these things where it's like it's like going to an AA meeting where you think you had a problem until you meet the guy who's like, well, what happened? Well, I'm Jake, and I'm alcoholic. What happened? I drank a fifth of lantern oil, and then I pissed it out, set it on fire, and torched my nine month old kid with it. And you're like, wow. Go out and buy a 12 pack because I'm fine. I just got a DUI. I got two DUIs in in six years. Like, I had no idea you pissed on your kid, lit it on fire, and caught and burned the whole house down. Like, wow. Wow. Are you further along than me? And so There she is. I junk around in my cars and do a little vintage racing and f**k around, and I think I got it bad. Then you go to Leno's shop shop and you go, woah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally different thing going on here. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a real problem. Too. It's great when you can afford all that s**t, but I I, you know, I I love it. I love the cars, you know, but I'm still you know what? I I can't do s**t underneath the hood, you know, and I still have other people. Are we still on the female metaphor or with a car? Hey. He's saying he doesn't eat pussy. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. Wait a minute. I think I love uni. I think it's just telling about a man if he eats the daring sushi that means that he takes care of the other animals too. Is that the puffer fish? No. Not the puffer fish. No. It's kinda It's a little it's it's a little That's like in the tank. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's a little It's a rim jab. It's kind of like, you know, the tide pools that smell, you know. Mhmm. If you can eat that stuff, a little bit too. Yeah. It's interesting. So go out on a date. Yep. Take them to the sushi joints. See if they order the uni, and then And then you're done. Curve every department. Say you went on a cruise with your mom. You're right. By the end of that day, you know everything. Every day. You know where they get a good pussy eating, and this guy's a good family, man. Okay. Now Let's get back to the point where the lantern oil still applies. Well, after you pee it up. That guy had a low bottom. What do you want, Brian? Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. After he passes through your liver, still Drink enough of it. Yes. Oh. Brian. Jeez. I drank Smirnoff one time. That's about his derring. Listen. I was gonna get to a story about a jilted boyfriend. Do it. Do it? Okay. Yeah. Remember the guy they've seen in Swingers where he keeps calling her back and calling her back? And probably everyone cringes because maybe we've done something similar like that. Yes. Mhmm. A guy in England called his ex girlfriend 2,000 times in one week begging for her to take him back. Pathetic Jason Anis, twenty seven, also sent her more than 630 text messages and more than 350 messages on Facebook. She went to police to file a complaint, and the time it took for her to give her statement, Anna's called her 56 times. Well, let me say this. How about, a little tease on that story for our good partner for Stitcher? Oh my gosh. This story okay. I will just tell you this, and we'll do the rest on Stitcher. But there is a video that went viral involving a cat, and it is not at all adorable or cute in any way. Alright. We will, get into that. I want to and I do But I do want to say yes. Go ahead. I can tell you Please. Something that I did that will make you feel uncomfortable. Thank you. And any guy who listens to this story will vicariously feel really s**tty and cringey. Oh, really? Good. I love it. Oh, good. Well, hang out for one second. Patrick Ward. I changed my mind. I don't wanna tell it. No. I can't wait to hear it. You know what? Really stupid. I opened the door for that. The movie's called Rock Slide. It's out on DVD. And Go to RockSlide.com. Go to RockSlide.com. The movie. RockSlide.com. Rock Slide the movie Com. Sorry. Alright. Season premiere of rules engagement, September 20, '8 '30. And, I should also, give a little tip of the cap to Paul Brian and Theresa Draas or so next time. This is Adam Kroll for Brian, Theresa, and Patrick saying mahalo. And now Stitcher Radio presents your Adam Carolla Extra. Alright. Now a little extra Stitcher content as we teased with, Teresa Strasser. Patrick Warburton is hanging in with us and actually Paul Bryan as well. Mainly, it's just because he's too lazy to believe. Somebody must be parked behind him. And? Yep. Tee, the story. Okay. A British woman caught on video dumping a cat into a trash can, apologized for her actions. Mary Bail, forty five, began receiving death threats after the video for dumping the cat in the trash went viral over the weekend. Mhmm. Earlier, she told reporters she couldn't understand what all the fuss was all was about saying it's only a cat. She figured the animal would be able to wiggle its way out. Later in the day, you know, more death threats, she said, I wanna take this opportunity to apologize profusely for the upset and distress that my actions have caused. She was reportedly walking home on Saturday when she saw the cat and decided it would be funny to toss it into the trash. Miss Philippines' comment was BFD. I'm not really a cat person. Never done that. I would never do that. I made a cat take a swim one time. They don't like the water. No. Right now. Got letters now. Yeah. Mhmm. Oh my gosh. Well, no. Really good. I was like 18 years old, and we're it just went in the pool. They swim faster than dogs, by the way. Yeah. They're fine. They just don't like it. Teresa hates me now. Did you, She was a cat lady. There she didn't like me much to begin with. Oh, here's here's the footage, by the way. Oh, my. Just throw it in there. By the way, that cat's named Lola. Now let me try to figure hold on. Let me try to figure this out. She's petting the cat. Mhmm. She picks the cat up. She lifts the lid on the garbage can. She jumps the cat in. What do you think her intent was? Like, is that her cat? Is she f**king around? Or she hate her neighbor? And then she just immediately walks away. So in her mind, she was killing the cat. Killing the cat. Right? Yeah. And, a cat A cat would never be able to get out of that truck. No. Because the lid is fairly heavy. Yeah. Not wildly. The owners heard the sound of the cat in the eye. That's why Katya always fills it with water. Because definitely the cat can swim its way at a time. Unless we got a dog, a cat you must have a pet. Yeah. Well, we have, order. We have three we have four dogs. One got eaten. Now we have three. Well, coyotes melt like know we were around it. And I was like, cougar, I think. Cougar? Yeah. Cougar. Ate? Ate the dog. Yeah. Not a 40 year old one, but a an actual cat. Wow. It was a massacre in our neighborhood. It got a lot of the big dogs, like, hundred pound dogs. Really? It was on the news and everything. What what size dog did you have? Well well, this one was a smaller dog. We have a Rhodesian Ridgeback and a Lab mix and another mix. Shelter dogs, but Ridge Rack. Call them rescue. See if you're a chick. Your wife goes rescue. You go shelter. See, she wants to take credit. Like, donate the egg for $5. Yeah. But the point is is imagine a f**king cougar or mountain lion. I mean, really, a 12 pound tabby could kick the f**k out of a grizzly bear. Could you imagine a f**king 100 pound cat? Yeah. I know. Just think about, like, a badger weighing 300 pounds. You know you know what I mean? Like, how much would it f**k? Think about just what a cat does. Like, when you're holding a cat and it tries to get out of you and start pawing and everything, it's imagine that times cougar. Absolutely. That's why I I don't go outside after 7PM. I just won't. Find the dog after it had been attacked? No. No. No. Someone was watching the house and and, she puppers disappeared right right around, that time when this cat was apparently we were in Europe. No. Nothing worse than the dog dying on your watch. Oh, can you imagine your There's there's a there's a bunch of those stories where people do the house sitting Yeah. And the dog gets out, runs out. It's never really the person's fault, but it's still like you got a f**king mess of a pup waiting for you on the way home. And what they do, she have to call you? So my brother-in-law was watching the house and, Oh, no. I think he was at the time. Couple shots. Yeah. Yeah. Moved her. My bar didn't look the same when we got home. He got into your hooch. Yeah. Mhmm. The good stuff. I put most of the good stuff. I I was anticipating, so I put a lot of the good stuff up in the closet upstairs and locked it up. You know, it'd be it'd be an action it was true. You know, it'd be a nice you know, it'd be a nice thing to what they should do. You know, they have, like, they'd have, like, Coke cans, that were safe or, you know, they have cleanser cans where you could put a roll of of of twenties in it. Yeah. You know, just a or a bible that was a a safe or hollowed out or whatever. For the, Alky ne'er do well brother-in-law, you you should be able to get cheap booze labels like pop off and stuff like that. You take your top shelf nice vodka and whatever and just put your s**tty sticker on it, and the guy steers clear of that. Meanwhile, you take whatever, whatever peated his brand is, and you put it on the plastic vodka with the squeeze stuff or the stuff, you know, $8 a quart, that stuff I like that. And just confuse the s**t out of the Alki Alki brother-in-law. Yeah. Well Save yourself some money. Yeah. You're right. I guess. You know? So you're saying he had a couple pops. He didn't bring the dog in at night. Yeah. He knew the routine. Bring the dog in at night. Yeah. You guys were clear. Yeah. This is coyote country, much less mountain lion country. He didn't bring the dog in and the dog actually during the day. Wow. Yeah. Well, he couldn't have been blamed then. Right? Yeah. You still blame him. That's the whole thing. No. No. But the wife really does. I he's my brother-in-law. Even though they're divorced, my son divorced. Everybody else, you know, doesn't treat him very well. He's my brother. I love him. And I understand alcoholism. I get it. I get it. But I was supposed to bring a dog in during the day. He was attacked during the day. Well, because it's a little dog, and he likes to to dig his way out. So you can't leave him out in the yard for over an hour. And this is apparently, he was, you know, didn't come out until, like, twelve in the afternoon because I see. We have a couple of pots. Something like that. Yeah. Sad. We'll be back. Oh, very sad. That was our Stitcher Extra. Yeah. Sad but true. That was your Adam Carolla Extra on Stitcher Radio. And now Stitcher Radio presents your Adam Carolla Extra. Now a little Stitcher, extra content. Patrick, our last show promised to, tell a story that may have been, not suitable. Now I'm not sure. I really I said I could tell you a story where, you know, it's cringe worthy. It'd make you cringe anybody any guy listening cringe. I guess I'll just tell you. I haven't gone public with this. Let's hear it and I'm excited. Wife and I are in Beverly Hills and we're just we we've never we live in Ventura Castle. We've never had like just a night stay in a hotel in LA and I guess it really doesn't appeal to either of us. But we're there in Beverly Hills. We got nothing going on. We're walking around. I said we're gonna get a good meal at least. So we go to Mastro's and in the midst of this crappy economy cows. Yeah. It's still like full, isn't it, Saturday night? So they they're gonna sit us in the early seating, 06:15. So they put us upstairs in the corner. We're sitting there. And a seven foot tall brother comes walking. I've already had one martini. The great thing at Mastro's is that you get the double martini every time. Yeah. You get the shaker. Right? Oh, really? And so you're getting Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so, it's one of the reasons I love that place. So Brother-in-law. I got a good what's going on. My, you know, and like when I told the story too, I was like, well, this isn't like you to do this. Like, I don't know, a little bit of buzz, but he's coming in. The only the only guy I know who looks like that in a seven foot tall and barely know him is James Worthy. So this guy comes in. I go I go, hey, James. How are you? And he stands there looking at me just like daggers. Mhmm. And then he goes he just nods his side and sits down. And my wife's like, so high. Is that your friend, James? James Worthy. They go, no. It's not James. It's not James. It's not James. He's like The Laker great, James Worthy, by the way. Yeah. Right. No. But this is my experience because I'm such an idiot. These two guys, when you find who this is, they don't look anything alike. Right. He's sitting there and then the waiter comes. And I go, who's that? I go, not doctor j. He goes, that's Kareem. I go, f**k. I just called him James. You called Kareem Abdul. James, yes. I did. Right. Yeah. Now he's sitting eight feet down. I told you Ukraine. Don't look at me like I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. I'm saying I I know. It is really it's absolutely absurd. That is insane. It is insane, but it gets worse. Okay. Yeah. Alright. So we're sitting there, and then, they bring some, oysters, and I'm like, I need another Martini immediately. Make this a Hendrix, you know. So he brings it and now my elbow goes into it. I'm so uncomfortable. It goes into my martini glass and just goes over like that. And I go for please bring me another martini. So now I've had, you know, two and a half, three martinis, whatever. I don't know however they count because right now you got the double. I've got the double. Yeah. I am ready to slide over and make everything okay with cream now. Wow. Because when the you know, and so I slide over to him and I'm like, cream. I'm sitting over there with my wife and the waiter and of course, I'm saying I tell him that this is the stupidest thing I have ever said in my life and of course, my wife of eighteen years could vouch that it's not the stupidest thing ever. So he's like, you know, actually smiling. I have to try he's like poor son of a b***h. He's trying to crawl his way out of this miserable thing. So, you know, it's like I kind of heal things a little bit, you know, right now I know you crave. I just was being an idiot. And now I decide this is where I decided to make things worse. And I said, you know, I even have that issue of Life Magazine, from, like, twenty five years ago with your life-sized handprint in it, you know, trying to explain what a good shirt. And I could tell as I explained this, I can see in his eyes that that wasn't him. And he knows it wasn't him. And I know that wasn't him. He just looks at me. The lifetime handprint. Handprint. Yeah. Wasn't that his. Yeah. I know right that point, I go, no, that was doctor Jay. Yeah. And he knows it's such a he doesn't say anything. He goes I got over too. He goes, not that he goes, I was on the cover one time. I go, that's what I got. I got. That's what I got. Yeah. I just I jump in on that goodbye. I slide back over and Kathy's like, everything okay? I know it's worse. It's worse. It's worse. And that's kinda how he left it. But I when we walked home, I mean, and I kinda wear as a badge of honor just like you can't be any f**king stupier stupier than that. You can't you can't blow it. You really can't. Like, in the realm of sports too, it's like, what are you a chitch? I wanna say check it out. It's that that's that's, you know, like, there are so many women who would never ever ever have made that mistake, but I did. So how about the time you called Ice Cube Barack? Oh, there's that. There's that. Now there's one thing you could have done to make it worse, which is Thank you, Fi. Which is you know where I'm going with this. Go right ahead. I I will play I will play Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Lew Alcindor, and also Ferdinand, I think, is his real name or something like that. Yeah. It turns out. I will, I will play him. Teresa will play me during a, radio interview. This actually happened. This happened. This has happened. Kareem called in to Adam's show. Okay. I phoner. Right. I will be Kareem. Okay. Abdul and He's promoting a book on the Harlem Renaissance. And you will be, Teresa will be me. Okay. Welcome to the. Welcome to the show, Kareem. Thank you. It's good to be here. I got a question. Mhmm. You're tall. Yeah. Talk about how tall? I'm seven foot three. Why is that tall? About jazz I know. And the rest of the car. Have to can I just ask you this? Can I just ask you this? Because I'm doing the tall guy math right now. I wrote a book. Hold on. I don't wanna interrupt you, but let me ask you a question. Yes. Why does it seem like tall guys are always dying really young? What do you mean? Wait. I know what you mean. Wait. What well What? It's just I don't ever see a really old tall guy. I don't but I don't no. I've not heard that before. I mean, come on. I mean, have you ever seen, like, a guy over six foot six that's in his 70? I mean, seems like Lambiers. Isn't he? He's he's dead. I never thought about it. I guess you're right. I mean, really, it's like you guys must have come to, like, a shortened lifespan or something. Do you know why? Do you have to do those circulation or a joint problem or bones? No. I don't. How old are men are you? I wrote a book about You're already, what, 50? No. I'm 67. Jesus, Brian. Play the clock ticking because I can't believe this guy is still I never thought about this before. I don't know. It never crossed my mind. You're 76. You're the first person I ever brought this up. So, anyway, they use something called a mute, which is what you use on a trumpet, and and it gives it Well, I wanna thank, James Worthy for being on our show. It was literally one town like that. Oh. Yeah. It was the first thing that popped in my head. It was like, you know, I see f**king old guys over six six. You know? So now the because beautiful, fantastic performance. The now was that was that was that mock discomfort of you or were you actually you obviously, you could have been that uncomfortable because you you I thought his answer. I I really thought his answer was going to be, well, there is a there's an explanation for this. And when he said, I never thought about it. Nice. Wow. Okay. Moving on. But, yeah. I ended up talking to him for, a good, twenty minutes, so it worked out okay. And then later, I had my second most uncomfortable Kareem Abdul Jabbar moment where he was playing in the, celebrity dodger all star whatever game with me, and they put it they put it after the game this one year. And, of course, the game went into extra innings. So we all sat in, like, the, you know, bar, not drinking though because we're gonna play baseball in an hour. And he just sat there and, little, woman came up, and she was like, hey, mister, Abdul Jabbar, do you think you signed a baseball for my for my son? And he went, no. I'm not signing anything right now. And she said, but here's a pen and the ball. I got it right here. And he went, yeah. I'm not signing anything right now. And she said, it's for my son. He's eight years old. And he went, yeah. I'm not signing anything right now. And he went and sat back down again, and I sat I was sitting right right next to him. I'm like, oh, I'll sign it. I'll sign it for you. I'll hold your hand and do it. I was like, crawl crawl. You know the thing where you wanna crawl out of your own a*****e and escape. You know? And so, about ten minutes later What an a*****e. Can I say that? Yes. The kid came up ten minutes later. He was like, hi. Mister Kareem, I told you about anything. And he's like, sorry. Not signing anything. He's like, but please, we're right here. Not signing. I'm not signing anything. I was just like, I was sitting so close to him. We were talking, and I was like, I was so f**king radically uncomfortable. But I realized that guy's been handed so many f**king basketballs in his life and said sign this. At a certain point, he had to just become like a glazed over assassin in the military. But a lot of these guy a lot of these guys get concerned about you know, if your quarterback's signing a football, if your basketball player's signing a basketball, but but but Kareem's signing a baseball. Baseball is not worth s**t, really. I'm sure the kid was just gonna go play over the line. Because it's a signed baseball. But it might be worth $20. Whatever. It's not he's not gonna go sell. This kid's not gonna go just take it and sell. It's a novelty. Either way, whatever he gave to Kareem, he deserved it. Yeah. Alright. He actually gave me a nod though on the way out. I think he might have felt sorry. He wanted another drink. Yeah. Who's this fool? Oh, we were sitting at his table too, by the way. That's what the waiter said. You call them James and you are sitting at his table. This is where he and his wife always said. Yeah. I know. I was like, hey. Well, their beards are both black. They both played for the Lakers. Thank you. You. That was your Adam Carolla Extra. That's Adam Gorilla three ninety with Patrick Wirbord and Theresa Straus from Brian Bishop for 2010. Coming for our next clip today, we have Adam Krolishow, five hundred and twenty three, featured Kyle Turley, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This was from 2011. Hope you guys enjoy. Adam's guest today, offensive tackle turned musician, Kyle Turley, plus Allison Rosen on news. Paul Bryan on sound effects and health watch with Doctor. Spaz. And now whatever you're doing, stop. He's annoyed by it. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on mandate. Get it on. Excited. Kyle Charlie coming out here. Former Ram, former Saint, I believe, possible former Jet. Talk to him about that. He's a good looking, slender, but a huge man. Plays tackle in the NFL. Is he slender? He's not Defensive. He's not no. He's an offensive tackle. He's not one of those guys. He's one of those streamlined guys, and, he's a bit of alright. You're not quite can't wait. You're gonna like him. And he's a guy who has a little bit of a temper, throws helmet in the air, that kind of stuff. He it's a couple of Monday night football games. His helmet. Opponent's helmet. Opponent helmet. That's right. Alright. Good day, Balbryne. Pooh. And Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla. And doctor Spaz, aka doctor Bruce, is here. I thought I'd get him in here so we didn't give him the short shrift. Also, lots of questions for doctor Spaz. First off, I have lesions that I'd I'd like to show you. I've, now assume there were bites. And I I don't have problems skin wise. Like, I don't get bites. I don't have rashes. I don't get that kind of thing that'll rosacea. Right. Certain things that other people get. I don't get that. I I almost never do. Once a while, I'll wake up, there'll be a mosquito bite on my ass, but that's about as far as it goes. And when it comes to things like fleas, I'm the guy who doesn't get bit and everyone else in the house gets bit. So I'm waking up, and I wake up one day and I have these raised bites. Well, all I can think of are bites on my legs, on all my my lower legs from the thigh down, basically, with, like, one rogue one on my hip, but nothing nothing thigh up. And then the next day, more, and they're kinda big, and they're pronounced, and they're not clustered. They're spread out all over the place. And then at a certain point, they start to blister. And Leg herpes. Leg herpes. And you it was from the dry hump. And and Bruce was saying, well, maybe it shingles or something, and I'll show you, Bruce. Mhmm. But Both legs, both sides. Shingles sort of they congregate. They go along with what's called a dermatome. So they follow a linear pattern with a nerve. Shingles are painful. Right? They well, they post her pedicure it's the afterward syndrome where after you've had the lesion heal. Wait. Oh, let's see. Let me get around. Let me show you my backside here. Let's see. Oh. Let's see. Where the hell did that happen? Dropping foul. No. Wait a minute. And the show has reached Anuna. Oh, there's one. There's some. Yeah. Right. You can you can, you can see now that they're kinda spread out. They they got big they got pretty pronounced. Most of them were just sort of Mhmm. They look like big mosquito bites, and then some of them started break started break off. And they're like they go up on the thigh, and they come around the other there's stuff like this. They're I've got probably fifteen, eighteen of them. Both legs up. Both legs. And so so it was like, you know, I've been living with you know, Molly sleeps on my feet, but Molly's been on my feet for five years. I've never gotten a flea bite. She doesn't have any fleas on her. We've combed through her, washed the bedding, you know, washed everything. The following night, did the same thing, had them again, and, like, three nights in a row, Lynette's not getting bit by anything. They just started. And they just started. Now they've sort of stopped. Right. But I don't know what the hell they are. Well, the most common malady, the cause of that kind of thing is, bed bugs. But Which is really epidemic. And I know that even though you go and state the they put you up with the finest hotels. Well, wait. Do you sleep We state the no no roof in. Do you sleep in short? That says the no roof by the airport. The red roof's a little pricey for him. Plus, it's got the word roof in it. There's the no roof in it. Exactly. For for now, I traveled I I've traveled a lot. I haven't had any problems, but then maybe I brought him home except for I haven't been on the road in two weeks. Why did they just kick in? Right. And then why doesn't Lynette get a bite? Well yeah. I I Oh, you don't. Alright. And and They're saying they look like the the other thing is people come in and you see these things after they've scratched at them and they I haven't scratched at them. And Were they itchy though? Yes. They're itchy. And do bed bugs, if you brought them back with you from Toronto They didn't have an accent? Would it would it hop? Would it okay. Get through I couldn't get through customs with them. Could it if you brought them back with you, would they kick in a week later? No. That's no. Usually, it'll it'll happen there. It's possible that it happens and, you know That's the thing. I wasn't anywhere. I was at home. Right. But you're out in your yard. You walk out there in shorts. I mean, it's it'll they look like bites, and they're not in any kind of alignment that would Yeah. And that's that's what I said. I'm I'm being feasted on by something. The other thing is, g*****n. Had the, carpet cleaner because of all this and it because it was time, had the carpet cleaning guy come out. Comes out once twice a year, cleans all the carpets, but seemed like a good time to get him out. Who knows what's living in those carpets? He comes out on, Thursday afternoon and, Friday evening, it's already been hit with vomit. Sunny's yakking last night about midnight just doing the nice, you know, just just blowing like projectile vomiting out. We went out to dinner last night. He's he's in the back seat of the car saying, my stomach doesn't feel so well. Of course, Natalia's like, I don't feel good either. And, like, Lynette's like, Natalia, remember we had that conversation about the girl that cried wolf? And she's like, I know. And they're like, does your stomach really hurt, Natalia? Yes. In her she goes and eats, you know, four pizzas and 15 bread sticks and watch them down with that, you know, gallon of sangria. Garden. Yes. And, you know, bottomless salad bowl over there. And she's eating everything that's in front of her, then she just goes home, goes to bed. You know? Of course, Sonny's like, he's kinda and then he just does the does the chuck. I I don't appreciate the phantom pain stuff. Like like Lynette says to her, I'm serious. Now if your stomach hurts, you tell me. But you're just saying it because Sunny's stomach no. Mine hurts too. She's seriously having that conversation with a That's the difference between men and women and boys and girls, I think. Sunny minds his own s**t. If Natalia's sick, she's sick. He doesn't give a f**k. More toys for him to play with. You know, just don't don't vomit on the Angry Birds app on the on the iPad. That's all he cares about. Yeah. But she's got the pain anyway. He's, you know, now the vomit. I'm out. I'm taking the doing that thing where you're there's nothing worse than when something gets vomited on and you have to sort of turn it into a trough, you know, like a throw rug or something and then drag it outside and hose it down. Like, you're bringing this cauldron of vomit outside. I'm like Right. Spreading it out. I'm in my bathrobe and I'm barefoot and I'm drunk and I'm spraying it with the hose by the side of the pool. The bad news is this is going around right now and tonight, Natalia will be contributing to the and I'll tell her to shut up. Barfarium. Mhmm. What's the this? Some kind of stomach bar flu? Stomach flu. Yeah. Yeah. People come in, and then when they get there, I tell them, you know, it sounds like, yeah, what's going on? I'm much sicker than that. Don't talk about flus in front of you. So I was just gonna get it just by you bringing it up. No. But I I had, something that had a really bad headache and I felt nauseous. Is that it? That's the early stages. Oh. Followed by fever, cough And Vitiloveria? It's a combination of, like, the normal flu with stomach flu. It's just Alright. And and lastly, my torn meniscus. Do I have to go in and see a specialist? He can see the MRI. Can't he just read the MRI? What's he need me for? No. You didn't go yet? No. I That was urgent urgent. I order this thing. I get the results. I get them faxed to you, and you that was, like, what, two months ago. Once I found out it was torn, I figured what am I gonna do? Yeah. You know? Well Heal it. Take a power of prayer. The thing with the tournament is it still hurts? It always hurts. Oh, well, yeah. They have to examine you. I mean, how dare you suggested a Oh, you this is They can look at the picture. You gotta picture the inside of me. They like to take another one. On the outside, there's something on the outside, few few mosquito bites and some hair. Yeah. It's it's not a it's a billable occurrence if they can examine. That's what I'm that's what you're saying. I mean, that's what I'm saying. I went I have you have an MRI of what is going on inside of my knee where you can see there's a torn meniscus. What do you need me for? See, you could be one of those people who's just using someone else's torn meniscus MRI to get free meniscus not free, to get some meniscus surgery because you're crazy. Seriously, if if Sunny tears his meniscus, Natalia's gonna claim she's tore hers as well. Now here's the thing. First of all, as I recall, you've already had surgery. Right? Yes. Already had a tore. Complicating factor in But but to be well, to be fair, I may not have needed surgery if I did not have to move furniture that night. Oh, god. If I could have just went home with my torn meniscus Right. And elevated my knee and put ice on it like a human being. But you're but you don't do that. No. I not only do I not do that, which I that's what I keep telling people. Zero self esteem. Bob Bryant thinks I when I say I'm jealous of him, he thinks I'm I'm making fun of him. I'm not. I know you are. I am. I wish I wish I had enough self esteem. It grafted onto me by my family where with a torn meniscus, I could have told Donnie, I cannot help you move heavy furniture tonight ups flights of stairs. I've injured myself, and I must tend to it. Mhmm. But now I was like, alright. I actually felt like I really felt like if I don't go with now at the time, to be fair to me, all I knew is I dislocated my knee and it was starting to swell up. But at the time, that's all I knew. I didn't know I had a torn meniscus, but I knew I'd injured my knee quite badly. I didn't wanna I felt like I would be a a dick to Donnie if I didn't help him move furniture that night. This is why I don't have friends. Yes. You should never work. Narcissistic than as you are now, in other words. Now you tell him to go to. I'm the same guy. Oh, okay. Same guy. Got a little smart. So let me just go ahead. So once you've had surgery, then the MRI can be falsely misleading. So they in this case, especially, they need to examine your knee. Take a history. Where it was fixed before. And that and there could be some scar tissue. There could be artifact from that surgery that could lead the MRI appearance to Like the Ark of the Covenant. Yeah. Yeah. Kinda artifact. Let me let me ask you this, Bruce. And I know your face. I know everyone wants always has that thing Drew used to drive he used to drive Drew nuts where, like, he'd go like, look. You've got a problem with this. And then people go, I've never had a problem with that. And he'd go, well, you have it now. They'd go, I never had a problem. It's like I'm telling you. Of course. It's like, you know, pulling your car in and then going, you you got a problem with your transmission. Dude, I've never had a problem with my okay. But eventually, you have a problem with your transmission. But here's what. And I know you don't have an answer for this, but just dig. I played eleven years of organized contact pads, hit hit you in the mouth football, running and getting cut blocked and speared and all blocking punts, doing everything. And I was, you know, when I was a kid, I was a maniac on the BMX bikes, and I crashed a billion times, and I jumped off a thousand roofs, and I did everything. And then here I am, I don't know, 2021, just playing a pickup football game, literally just running in the open field, just in the open field, running hard, but just in the open field, pop. Knee pops out, torn meniscus. Of course, like I said, aggravated by moving a diner booth that evening up a flight of stairs. But pop pop, knee gone. Okay. Now get it repaired. Fast forward forty, twenty five years after, you know, doing Dancing with the Stars and doing all the boxing and doing all the everything, I'm skipping my rope. Same way I skip it every night just very lightly, very smoothly. No no big impact. No nothing. Just just skipping. Feel a little in the knee. Feel it my foot, then I feel it my knee. Up. Torn the meniscus again. What should I earn it? Out of papier mache? Should I have to earn it? If you've seen all the things I've done to my knee and not injured it, that's the thing that's crazy. I played eleven years of football, no torn meniscus, and then I'm running torn meniscus. Question for Bruce. Can this be a cumulative thing? Like, can it be after years of wear? Or is this just a once in a Well, eventually, you're gonna That's what I'm saying. Eventually, you're gonna snap your hip rolling out of bed. Because it never gave you trouble before. Right. But you when you're just not as aggressive or not as focused on what you're doing, you're doing Dancing with the Stars, when you're out there playing football versus Flat on. Skipping your rope, you're not you're a little more loose. Barely moving. Right. Barely moving. How aggressive focused were you on Dancing with the Stars? Well How dare you? I'm saying it is there's and and it happens every year for a reason. Sometimes two or three times a year are contestants. It's easy to get injured because you go at it, like, four or five hours a day, and you're jumping around and you're doing a bunch of s**t. It's just basically made for people to get injured. These taps aren't great. Shock absorbent. Right. When you're jumping rope, you're not your knee is not something you're focused on keeping it. Right. 2,000,000 revolutions. Exactly. But there's probably more play. Okay? And, again, there's That's what happens. Forces on the meniscus are tremendous. And if you get just the wrong angle, it's it's just like what happens to a lot of people. The pain goes away. There's a little there's a little, a little flap of meniscus. It moves around and usually I'll have one question for you. Alright. I'll, So you need to go you need to get an exam. You need to have an orthopedist you had a radiologist read that. Okay? That was your question. Right? No. I don't know what that was. Okay. But the bruise. No kidding. Alright. I'll deal with it. Okay. And then on a worse even worse note than the, AIDS and leg AIDS and the meniscus Like herpes. You know, I had I had, Mike Lynch come over today because we're working on the new book, and, we can't get any work done because I got this house system where I just I can put on music in my house, you know? Mhmm. And I A stereo? Yeah. But it's a system where it's like you can it's hooked up to the Internet, you know, you can play the eighties channel. And I play it says I'd play the eighties channel, but I heard a little too much, in excess. It's a party here. That is what it is or is what it is. And that and, you know, too much flock full of s**t and that flock full of, you know, men without hats and so much just you know, like, you know, I heard, like, sweet dreams by the RythMix one night, and I just went, oh, f**k. I can't take I can't take it. If I hear any more f**king Prince or Eurythmics, I gotta kill myself. Play one good f**king band from the eighties, you r****d. So I switch it over to the seventies channel. They have a little higher batting average in the seventies. Mike walked in. When Mike walked in, Witchy Woman by the Eagles was playing. Oh. Witchy. I had to do twenty minutes of who the f**k wants to hear this song. But here's the thing. As I was yelling to Mike and my wife in the kitchen, you can't fight to it. You can't f**k to it. You can't dance to it. It's no good for karaoke. It's just pure, unadulterated, uncut, pure Bolivian shale s**t. It really is. Stepped on pure s**t. And so witchy woman she's got the devil in okay. We get it. I always wanted I was laughing with Mike because I'm like, I wanted to be a a manager for the Eagles in, you know, the mid seventies when Don Henley came in or Glenn Frey when I got an idea for a song. Oh, let me guess. Let me guess. Let's see. Is it that, song about Picasso? No. What could it be? Oh. Oh, a witchy woman, cat's eyes, nylon. There are some supernatural elements involved in my song. Yes. I'll have you know. Cajun queen. Let me guess where she's from. Indiana? No. As a matter of fact. Cajun queen. Oh oh oh oh, Montana? No. That's not very Oh, New Orleans. That's right. I feel like you're making fun of me. Yeah. She's got you as manager. In her eyes. She's a witchy woman. It's like such a f**king piece of s**t, and I was pissed off about it. I hadn't heard the song yet. I did ten minutes on it. Forget you forget about the silver spoon that they would work into every every the cocaine reference. Then, that song ends in Hot Legs by Rod Stewart fires up and I'm like, who's that knocking at? Hot legs. And it doesn't end, and it's just another in between piece of s**t. Look. I understand if you're in a mood. I understand the I wanna hear some walk upbeat. And I understand the slow, like, my girlfriend dumped me. I wanna shed some tears. This f**king pile of s**t came on, and I was angry. And it doesn't it doesn't end. It doesn't end. And so I'm yelling at Mike. What the f**k is going on? What did Led Zeppelin not have a song in the seventies that we could possibly hear? Couldn't hear Little Misty Mountain Hop. Couldn't hear something good. There's there's not something from Pink Floyd that we might hear. There's not a good band that came out of the song in the seventies. And as I'm complaining about that, I hear the very first f**king licks. Do you have the sub? Oh, this this kicks in and on this, that's it. It's f**king it's over. It's over. f**king You know what no no one ever called him? A guy who could f**king write letters. That's the one. They call him the pompadence of love and they call him a f**king gangster. They call him a space cowboy, but they never called him a guy who could ever put together a sentence. Well, listen. I just Mitch f**king crushed. Mitch put the playlist together out the f**king window. Mitch wanted some entertainment. He put the playlist together. He put him around. Some decent. Would you, you asswipes? g*****n it. How about Eagles post Joe Walsh? I I'll take Joe Walsh anything. Any time. Any, any James Gang, anything. Alright. I I'm I'm I you know, I people think I'm kidding. I think he got tossed out of the Eagles for writing good songs. Like, they hey. We don't need any troublemakers here. He's backward. Yeah. He's just sitting there doing a turn and walk away, and they're like, what's that have to do with the gypsy woman? I didn't hear any cliches about cats, eyes, and nine lines. I don't even hear any cliches in there. That's the problem. That just sounds like a good that sounds sounds like a great guitar riff to me. So original. That's not gonna work. You can Bob the great Bob Dylan in the seventies just Yeah. Me down. The kids took me to a Bob Dylan concert two weeks ago. Oh. What an exciting time. Oh. Then you have learned Gentleman's side by him. Listen. Bob Dylan sucked when he was good. How how the f**k is he now? It's unrecognizable. I could not tell even though I knew him so I could not tell the tune or the the vocalist. Oh, no. You Play it. It would be great just to play one One refrain. Listen. I saw him at the correct place. There's 80 guys in banjos, a wall of banjos behind him while he's singing that. By the way, the the wall of musicians behind you is the porn equivalent of the chick keeping the bustier on. It means she's fat, got stretch marks, and she's hiding. Every once in a while you see a porn where the chick keeps some of the clothes on, that that that ain't washed forward abs. It's an auditory muffin top. That's what it is. When you have 11 guys who who basically were instructed, just beat the s**t out of that instrument and don't even stop their brains. Just pump his f**king hit it as a bada*s. Band. And hopefully, he'll just get lost in the in the shuffle in there. Why would you see Bob Dylan? Joey and Elizabeth love him. John Hyatt. Come on. They like John Hyatt too. Come on. Alright. Yeah. They were Wait. Did you see him at the fair? Yeah. In Orange County? Yeah. They were the kids bought the tickets. So So was he what was he? Unrecognizable? Un the music was I knew it before I went, but the music was unrecognizable. The the blowing in the wind, it could have been, you know, hot legs, and you wouldn't have known it. What, what did your kids have to say? They were it was sort of like, well, at least we can say we saw Bob Dylan. That's what they said. But they said, dad, wow, you're right. Because I told them, I said, you're you're not gonna recognize the songs. They're saying that'd be like me coming up sucker punching Muhammad Ali and go, I knocked out Muhammad Ali before he died. Whoo. Take that, Parkinson. He was playing the keyboards the whole time with some strange hat on. So they were they wanted to hear him with the, you know, with the harmonica Not playing the harmonica very well. Martin guitar and they were Yeah. But Yeah. People miss that super s**tty harmonica. Oh. Yeah. If we can only hearken back to the days where you couldn't play the harmonica. Well, it was depressing. Depressing scene at the fair. Like, what was that vibe like? Seeing the older people load smoking pot and trying to get back into the some of the crowd was depressing. Alright. Shall we, shall we do a witchy woman, hot legs, and the Joker. I feel like I'm being punished. Yeah. Should we do, a little, little health beat with you there, doctor Spaz? Yeah. And what to talk about? Ace Broadcasting presents Healthwatch with doctor Spaz. Great news. There's a new drug resistant strain of gonorrhea. Yeah. Resistant to every known antibiotic. Really? Not been not been identified in The United States yet. But Does a condom gonna prevent that? Well, a condom will prevent an STD, but, you know, who's using condoms out there? Not this one. Not my patients. Mm-mm. No. So just one more one more, scary thought in the back of your mind. Mhmm. What does it do to you? Well, you know, the gonorrhea, the problem By the way, you you don't have patients. You have gangbangers who come in after they get stabbed. Did you have Fontana, an ABC reporter, got shot yesterday. There you go. That's a good one. That's my point. I mean, it's like it's like a warden calling his inmates clients. He doesn't they're not clients. They just come in and they come out and you watch them. There there's a nice swath of society amongst my patients. It's a it's a nice What percentage of them are insured? It's it's Kaiser or Dirk. Well, probably, including Medi Cal, healthy families. Mhmm. Yeah. That's seventy five percent. Oh, it's not bad. No. A lot of people losing their insurance. It's really sad. But, anyway so yeah. So, anyway, what's the problem with gonorrhea is that it can cause really it goes heart valve infections, gonococcal arthritis, gonococcal pharyngitis, which you see in a lot of teenagers come in, bad sore throat. Yes. Mhmm. But anyway monoclonal pharyngitis. Yeah. Scary. Oral sex. Of that. Teenage. Oldest son. But the the problem is it it can cause infertility, scarring. It's it's a huge problem in women. Just like chlamydia, it it can be a smoldering, low grade infection causing problems in the women's reproductive tract. But it's, like, the first sign. Connerium. People out there, and then I'll let you move on. Discharge. With yellow discharge, urethral, or vaginal discharge. And fever, urinary tract symptoms, that's usually within twenty four plus hours after exposure. Mhmm. So yeah. So that's that's, that was just something I thought I'd mentioned. And, of course, now do guy guys is this one of those things where women might have it, may not know it, whereas guys do know it? You know, there's there's the weird ones where the guys can have it, not know it, and then the ones that women can have it, not know it. The classic is chlamydia. Women can incubate chlamydia forever and not have symptoms. It it causes a low grade to be stopped. It can cause a low grade infection that's causing scarring. Mhmm. Tubes get scarred up. Gonorrhea, usually, there's more of a you get exposed to it, you contract it, and there's more of a reaction. There's more of a Mhmm. Yeah. So okay. Next thing, of course, the Amy Winehouse. Yeah. Very interesting things. And, of course, the Doctor. Drew connection. I don't know if you've you've heard this. I would Oh, yes. She made it. He was Couple of things. Okay. I would like to hear Amy Winehouse just in the condition she's in now than witchy woman. Oh. It It'd be sooner. Hot legs. Like, I'd literally have her corpse roll over onto microphone. I would find it more melodic than witchy woman. Sorry. Okay. Yes. Doctor Drew, there when is that kid gonna get a shot to get on the news? By the way, this thing see, it's all stupid because I got into, you know, vintage porn and vintage cars and fixing up houses, and I no one calls me. Doctor Drew became the voice of, hey. Every time a celebrity ODs or gets arrested for DUI or is found with cocaine or whatever, whether they die or whether they're just driving the wrong direction on the 101, we'll put you on the news. And there's a never ending supply of that, so you're constantly out there. You need them to crash into a vintage house. Right. And a vintage car. You're not serious. Why would they call you? He's a he's a physician. He's an addiction medicine specialist. I'm saying I picked the wrong thing. I got nothing. It's like someone has a question about taboo too. But, you know, how often does that pop up? Not enough. Well, here's the I wanna hear the Musac version of it, by the way. Sorry. Go ahead. Drew was getting calls from Europe, which he didn't recognize the number and wasn't answering. It turns out, allegedly, he even Yeah. Got this message. Thought he had a kid over there. No. It was Amy Winehouse. Her people, she had requested his number. Her people had provided it, and he had Mhmm. Apparently, she had it's not definite, but that's the, That she was trying to reach out. Trying to reach doctor Drew. Talked to doctor Drew's wife today. Susan. How's Susan? Did you talk to her? Did you just listen to her? I listened at her. Yes. How's she doing? Well, evidently, there's a little difficulty in a house that they were renovating with a sister, and I got to hear their side of it. For forty five minutes, that's the year. I cut her off about thirty eight minutes. Only person with rants longer longer than yours. Yeah. Except for mine are f**king riveting. I bet hers don't even have any humor to them. Not a ton. But plenty of vitriol. Bruce, you should know that, Drew was at work again, by the way. No. Yes. Yes. Always at work. Working on, like, you know, that teen horror or something, you know. Then he's got another show coming up. I know. Like, for for what network? Oh, it hasn't been invented yet. No. There's still shows lined up for he wants the bank shows in case there's new they they find band new bandwidth. They'll have a show prepared. No. This guy, I thought, well, he's got all these shows. I get more calls to do Loveline. But it's less. The more work he gets, the more he's everywhere. Doesn't wanna miss anything. Yeah. Impressive. Yeah. Well, listen. When you have a here's what doctor Drew has. Let's hear the music version of the thing. He has a manager's w***e who basically send him anywhere for a f**king nickel, number one. Mhmm. So here's here's the combo. Here's the here's the potent c**ktail. Manager who will never never miss an opportunity to send him anywhere to pick up a nickel because, he gets a penny when Drew gets a nickel. Doctor Drew who will never miss an opportunity to pick up a nickel, so thus never tells his manager, hey. I'm not going. No hobbies per se. You hobbies per se. You you know what I mean? Like Right. I f**king love my cars and my vintage cars, and that's what I'm interested in. So thus, every minute I'm working on something is a minute I'm not working on my s**t. No hobbies and a waifus, it can be a pain in the a*s. So the point is is show me a guy who's out all the time and busting his hump, and I'll show you a guy who don't wanna go hang out at home. Right. It's like it's the Brett Favre syndrome. Every year he goes home after the season, he goes, that's it. I'm retiring. And then he sits there and he stares at his wife who knows he's been cheating for the last thirteen years and, you know, you know, texting pictures of his c**k and, you know, all that kind of stuff. Stairs into her eyes for a couple of evenings and then he goes, you know what? I think I may catch on That was enough. I may catch on with the Vikings this year. And then he wants to go out on the road with his dudes again. Here's the Yeah. Yeah. He's an internist. Internist, that's their that's their makeup. Me, emergency medicine. Well, a lot of guys, it's like I wanna do my time and then, ah, I'm free. I can chase guitars. I can His his hobby is his career and is making money and doing TV shows. Let let me say this, and I'm he's not paying me to say, Drew, if I were gonna go to a doctor and having a doctor vouch for another doctor is the most important thing. The guy is he's brilliant. He's a great clinician. He never helped me. Okay. I'd go to you. Oh, well. You know, I'm not so bad myself. Drew doesn't owe owe me $50,000 for a laser. Well, way up here. My laser. Are you paying me off? No. Jesus Christ. Alright. Sorry. What's next? What's next? Well, we didn't talk about it anymore. Cosine for for for Bruce's laser. Listen. Somebody puts that in Wikipedia and my kids make money and it's like you get punished. You really you you make money and you get punished. That's pretty much how life works. I've I I I made the mistake of making a buck about fifteen years ago, and I've I've never stopped being punished for it. Yeah. I never stopped getting punished for Lush Spa. Two years of my life. Where's my are you are you making payments to me? The IRS first, then I'm gonna stop me. Awesome. Alright. Okay. So but the Amy Winehouse piece, what has come up now is that she didn't die of an overdose or drug toxicity, but she died of withdrawal from alcohol. That's the latest theory. Really? So That's what her family is saying. Right? Well yeah. And And then they thought she's pregnant because she stopped drinking. Well, yeah. It's then then I heard the piece that her doctors told her, do not stop. They warned her, don't stop, but cut down, which is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. The the last thing you tell an alcoholic is to cut down because the whole idea stopping can send them into some form of shock though. If Why can't they cut down? Well, because it's lack of control is one of the hallmarks of alcoholism. So Well, but it so really what the doctor should say is you need to be in a facility where you need to be monitored and this is very dangerous. You're stopping this cold turkey, essentially. Right. And, of course, there are the other medications like the benzodiazepines, the Xanax, and the Ativan or Valium, whatever else someone's taking. Those are very dangerous to stop suddenly. So what do you think was in her? I know I know they don't have the toxicology report. And and can I say this, you know, they do that thing where some famous person dies and it's like, well, it's gonna be two weeks before we get the toxicology report? Don't you feel like we could have that that evening Yeah. If we needed it? And I know that you're a couple of this report pretty fast. Yeah. There's a couple of f**king drifters you pulled out of the river that are in line in front of her. How about she take some cuts? You know what I mean? Like, I know you got you got a lab and you got people and you got some protocol, but what's with the two weeks thing? Listen. My buddy It wasn't that. October 26 is when they're gonna announce it. There you go. I can't wait. My buddy who's son OD'd February 23, we got the stuff back last week. That's the OxyContin report. So So, yeah, it's been five, six months. Why? Why why can't they well, but with all due respect, your buddy's son, as tragic as it was, is not a Well, it's a coroner's case. So coroner's case is routinely it's it's months. And one of the But it could be done over a weekend. Could be done the same day. Right. It just depends. First of all, they're not just doing But here's what I'm saying. If they and I know your your buddy's son did not die in The UK. But is it a situation of, look, these are citizens. They're not celebrities. Once they die, they don't they're not celebrities. We have case logs here. We have your buddy's son to get to, and then we'll get to Amy Winehouse. If Amy Winehouse jumps to the front of the line, it's gonna sort of Piss off the other dead people? No. She's jumping to the front of the line. She is. There's there's And what's taking so long? Well, then why is it a month if you jump to the front of the line? Because first of all, you're if they're doing the whole thing, you're doing tissue slices, you're doing samples. I mean, they're doing gastric analysis for drugs. So you have a you have a lot of samples to run. It's not like just take they're not gonna just take the blood, run a sample. You're They have to make slime. Liver tissue. Bunch of stuff. Right. Right. And you're looking at toxicology on other things. Still this could be three day process if someone really wanted it done. Right? Probably. But there are certain there are certain hoops you just have to jump through. You just can't, you know, have somebody run you you can't take everybody off of what they're doing. All I'm saying is is if we got the contractor that finished the bridge in thirty nine hours during Carmageddon, we got him. It's a little more as opposed to the guy who's working on the one off of Colfax, which is three years in the making now. We got No. It's somebody who's just Bunsen burner on the one of those, eggheads asses. We get some answers, wouldn't we? Yeah. But even for Amy Winehouse, they're not gonna stop the entire toxicology lab and the entire pathology lab. But it's it's gonna be faster. But the bottom line is it is possible that she was trying to dry herself out. Somebody a lot of a lot of people, she'd been through rehab. It's like, this time, I'm gonna stop on my own. I'm gonna do it myself. Alright. So stop so you can die from stopping drinking suddenly? You can. You can have a c I mean, the most common what they were speculating is a seizure and aspirating on vomit, but they said that there was no vomit. So Alright. Bruce, you got one more? We got a little news to do here. What's going on? Well, there were some interesting stories about rhinoplasty and mental illness. Individuals it was, spec the speculation was 10 of individuals that that seek to have their nose job done have, body dysmorphic disorder. And Not interested. It's it's it's it's f**king steroids for life. It's it's unfair. Well, it turned And it's unfair that everyone gets to get something done. Right. But in this day and age, I mean, there's so much there's so much interest in looking at what's done to models, young girls. I know. But I'm just saying, like, you just take teeth in general. Like, in order to have a nice straight beautiful thing, a teeth a mouthful of teeth, that's, one in 10. And then everyone gets them whitened and gets them straightened and gets the caps and the veneers, and then they get the nose fixed up. And then next thing you know, they get their hair dyed. Next thing you know, they're f**king good looking, and they shouldn't be. And it's it's upsetting the balance. It's it's life steroids. Now they have an unfair advantage. They're getting jobs. I mean, it's pretty it's pretty it's pretty simple equation. Good looking people get paid more. They get better jobs. They marry richer guys and vice versa. It's a much better life. They're throwing off the curves is what they're doing. Yeah. They're juicing. Yeah. They're fine. f**king worried about the Tour de France. f**k that. I don't care about the Tour de France. It's life. Right. We're all everyone's got a corked bat but me. Yeah. Okay. So the bottom line is body dysmorphic disorder is a form of OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. So these individuals in this study Thank god. My nose is perfect. A third of these people have mild smore disorder. Bless. They get the surgery and they aren't not They get the surgery and they're still not happy. So then they go on. Nobody does anything as happy. I mean, once you decide, oh, you think I got my first vintage car and went, well, there you go. Scratch that itch. Moving on. Now between want where's my next one? Yeah. But you don't downplay your first vintage car. You still appreciate it. These people look at their nose. It's been fixed, and it's still no better. Oh, they see Then they want more nose surgery or then they're just like, now the rest of me is f**ked up too? They well, they'll they'll go on and look at other parts of their body. It's an ongoing discovery of their body passed their nose. They don't see accurately the way they look. And the issue is young girls today looking at all the ads, looking at the at the projection of what their body should look like, it just feeds the disorder. It just creates more of a problem. And there's a big concern. I try to do that with my daughter. Like, I'll go, oh, look. It's a beautiful, pretty princess. She's also smart. Alright. That's that's far too neurotic a disorder for you. Your daughter is not gonna challenge you with such a simple problem. She's a pain in the a*s. She'll be wanting to take out your vintage cars. Just wait. Dad, I wanna take the Lambo for a spin with Freddie. They're literally like, Freddie. Is there gonna be a boy named Freddie in February I don't know. 17 or whatever the hell she's She's gonna put a check on No. She'll be going out with Aiden. Not really, Wellington. Right. Where we get the ejector seat. Let's hope it's Wellington. Yes. Hello. My name is Graham Wellington. Yeah. No. I know. It's gonna be I'm getting it. You know, I got I got My name is Ty Rosen Washington. I got some bad news for you. I'm getting a karaoke thing and a electric guitar for your kids. That's my next Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna love it. Oh, boy. He he last time he got him a f**king Zither. I didn't get oh, yeah. I got him a Zither. That was good. But then I got him the, thermon. Oh, the thermon. Where is my thermon? I don't even know what a zither is now. I got those things that noise like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should get him a laser. Oh, s**t. Repo that laser. Get just yeah. How about a yeah. The theremin. Yeah. The thing is Those are cool gifts. Yeah. Yeah. It's cool unless you live with the person who's going I never even thought of that. Alright. Shall we, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you about you you queue up the, news. Get ready with the news over there. I'm gonna tell you about my good friends over at LegalZoom. That's right. Allison. Yes. Waiting for that perfect time to start your dream business? Yes. I am. Well, you gotta be smart with your cash. How could I do that? I'll tell you how. Okay. Legal Zoom. What? LegalZoom.com. Yeah. Yep. Keeping those legal fees to minimum, that's who I recommend. LegalZoom.com. Answer a few simple questions online fast, easy, 100% satisfaction, trial tested documents personalized for your business. Mine? You can start yours. Start a corporation or an LLC for as little. I'm gonna let you guess. How much? $6,000. That's too low. 7,000. Too low. 8,000. 90 9 dollars. What? $99. Afford not to do it. You can't. Oh, yeah. That's right. LegalZoom is not a law firm. They provide self help services at your direction. For even more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Start your business right. Protect your family. Let them know Adam sent you. Would you please? Mhmm. Safeguard your assets now at legalzoom.com. Alright. And, also, if you'd like to support us and you're gonna get something off Amazon, please go through adamCarolla.com and just hit our banner. We worked it out. It's all above the board. And whatever you were doing before, just keep doing it. Thank you so much. You wanna support the show, and you're shopping on Amazon anyway. Well, this is the definition of win win. Alright. Shall we, do a little news, Allison Rosen? Live from the International News Center, next to Donnie's minibikes. This is the news with Allison Rosen. A tentative deal to raise the 14,300,000,000,000.0 debt ceiling, cut future government spendings, and avert unprecedented default has been reached. The deal would first cut nearly 1,000,000,000,000 in spending over the next ten years while raising the debt ceiling the same amount. Congress must approve the deal, and Obama must sign it by 11:59PM, Tuesday. And we have a bit of Obama's statement. Hope and change, baby. Can you feel it? It's in the air. There are still some very important votes to be taken by members of congress, but I wanna announce that the leaders of both parties in both chambers have reached an agreement that will reduce the deficit and avoid default a default that would have had a devastating effect on our economy. The first part of this agreement will cut about $1,000,000,000,000 in spending over the next ten years cuts that both parties had agreed to early on in this process. The result would be the lowest level of annual domestic spending since Dwight Eisenhower was President, but at a level that still allows us to make job creating investments in things like education and research. We also made sure that these cuts wouldn't happen so abruptly that they'd be a drag on a fragile economy. Now I've said from the beginning that the ultimate solution to our deficit problem must be balanced. Oh, that's the ultimate solution. The ultimate solution. That wasn't Germany's ultimate solution of its final. To pay their fair share by Fair share. Giving up tax breaks and special deductions despite what some in my own party have argued. I believe that we need to make some modest adjustments to programs like Medicare to ensure that they're still around. How about getting more people to pay? That's why the second part of this agreement I mean, put on pause for a second. There's one thing we're missing in this whole thing, and we're always missing it. It's always talking about, listen, we got to get corporations to pay their fair share. We got cut back on Medicaid, Medicare. It's all this bulls**t. There's a simple problem here. We have less than half of our society paying in and all we do is argue over what amount that half should pay in. And then to put a finer point on it, we have about the top, you know, 5% paying about 80%, and we just argue over what should that top 5% pay. I think they should pay more. I think they paid enough. I have a better argument. What about the people that aren't paying s**t? What about the people that are using the roads, using the hospitals, using the schools, using all the systems, and not paying a f**king dime? Now do you think Can we focus on them? But do you think they can afford to pay it and they won't, or they're just not earning it? What what do you think is going on with them? There it's it's a few fold. They need to be brought into the f**king system. They need to be taken off of the welfare. They need to be taken off of all these plans. They need to put put put on birth control, and they need to be folded into the f**king system. Not it's it's really it's it's a group. It's like having a group of there's 10 people in the room. Five of them don't pay okay. But 10 people. Mhmm. We're all on a f**king boat, and we're all trying to row. Okay. And we're trying to get to the island fast enough before the storm sets in. Yes. Half the people on the boat aren't rowing at all. So I have a meeting, and I go, alright. Listen. You five people who do no rowing but weigh the boat down, go go blow a cigarette out of the Lido deck. I need to talk to these guys. And then I get these, five guys who are actually rowing. And then I go, look. There's three or four of you that are doing a little bit of rowing, but not too much. You guys go hang out over there. I don't need to talk to you. Herb, come here. I know you're doing 10 times as much rowing as everyone else. I need to get more out of you. I need to focus on you doing even more rowing. That's the plan? How about we get the five guys who are smoking out of f**king Lido deck and get them down here and go, hey. Party's over. I need you to start rowing. Now I understand. One guy's full blown r****d. He can't row. When he does, he goes in the wrong direction. Well, guess what? Go go back up on them, Teddy. Go back up on the Lolito deck over there and, play with that finger trap thing I got you when we poured in Tijuana there. Mhmm. You go ahead and play with that. You Chinese finger trap. Yes. The Chinese finger trap. Yeah. You play with that. But the other the other four of you guys, let's evaluate you. How bad is your friend? Has emphysema. What's going on? Yeah. Let me see. You know what? Because I bet you could do some rowing. Maybe you row part time. And by the way, stop s**tting out more kids and weighing the f**king boat down. And then we have to row twice as hard because of the extra weight that you've added on because your extra kids who aren't rowing either. Do we ever wanna discuss that? No. It's always about Medicare and Medicaid. It's just about the debt ceiling. It's about what are we gonna do, and then we focus on the corporations. Well, first off, it's just, hey, man. It's it's it's high time the rich start pay start pulling their fair share, start paying their fair their fair share as opposed to zero that half the f**king nation is not paying in? The f**k are we doing? Let's focus, people. Let's get on the people that aren't paying anything. And Get off of her. I'm not all for all the big corporate breaks and all that kind of stuff, but look. I'm willing to concede this. Let's say that General Electric or or Pfizer or some big whatever, big oil or big whatever, big whoever that you don't like that's not paying their fair share, that has their offshore accounts and their corporate whatevers and their loopholes. Alright. So General Electric, they only paid 14% last year in taxes whereas the the median average for families was 28% or 41% or whatever it is. Alright. But doesn't General Electric have a hundred thousand employees? Mhmm. Do they have do they have bank accounts in the Cayman Islands? Seems to me like their hundred thousand employees are buying bread, paying taxes, using things, buying durable goods. So are are we to kick the s**t out of you really think General Electric's the problem? Because I don't think they're the problem. Sure. They could pay more, but are they really the problem, or is it a bunch of f**king leeches that are sucking the system dry? And when did paying more ever f**king fix anything? Oh, we're gonna give the federal government more money. Oh, well, now the schools, pow. It'll be just like when we started the lottery out here in California, man. Soon as we start that lottery, schools turn into utopias because they got all that money. How terrible would it be if we had defaulted? That's what I that's what I'm wondering. Enough. I feel like all of this is, like, counting the angels on the head of the game. Politician tell somebody, hey, everybody's gotta start paying in. How about this for a different analogy, though? I was thinking about this. Okay. You're coaching the forty niners in in the mid nineties. Yeah. You have Jerry Rice on one side. You have JJ Stokes on the other side. Mhmm. That was your strategy. You tell your offensive coordinator, now listen, we gotta spread the ball out evenly. Everyone's gotta get a fair shot. That's the only way we're gonna win. We gotta get JJ Stokes. We got more out of him. Or you get more out of Jerry Rice, your future hall of famer or the guy who's gonna be out of the league in a few years. You know what I'm saying? You got the guy who's capable of doing a lot more. You give him the ball more. He's gonna score more for you. The other guy's gonna be out of the league in two years. Yeah. But JJ Stokes is trying to tackle Jerry Rice. He's not just he's Oh, in your analogy. Well, he's not doing a thing. Like, it's one thing if he's running a pick and you're getting the ball into Rice's hands. That's one thing. Stokes is not running routes. Stokes is standing there, and he's not drawing any defenders. That's what I'm saying. Pay something. Right now, you're just taking it in. All the people that are welfare, in and out of prison, s**tting out kids, you guys are black hole. All my f**king money's going to you. He's committing procedure penalties and you just want him to run some routes. Well, the thing is is we want okay. Oops. Sorry. In sports No. Here's what I'm saying. I I will I will I will I had a great analogy, but I will go with Brian's much weaker analogy and make it better. Here's what I'm saying. Rice is already good for 200 yards a game. I would like to get the overall production of this offense up. Stokes has minus six yards a game. So I could go to Rice and go, why can't you get two fifty a game? Or I could go to JJ Stokes and go, if you got 50 a game, we'd be up at two fifty. See, I feel like the smarter players, hey, Rice. We're gonna have to start throwing you the ball a little bit more. Are you okay with that? Because JJ is puking all over himself. But Rice is tired, and Rice wants to get traded now. Oh, now he's whining. He wants to move out of the place like California and he wants to go to New Mexico and open his business because he's f**king tired of getting paid less or the same as Stokes and doing 10 times the work. See, he's fed up. He's tired. In sports news, you guys are talking sports, Plaxago Burris has signed with the Jets. The former Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Giants receiver will return to New York after spending two seasons out of football. He agreed to a one year three point o one seven million dollar deal, which is fully guaranteed. The extra 16,000 earner. Was a vanity point because his number is number 17. He's a big tough receiver with the ability to get vertical in the end zone. Yeah. I always say. Yeah. He served almost two years in prison when he accidentally shot himself with a weapon yet concealed in his sweatpants. Dumbo government. He's a f**king earner. He's one of the few 28 year old brothers that's packing it in. More importantly Let him out. Don't f**king keep that guy in the street as an earner. How do you get to steal a gun in sweatpants? I mean, I guess some sweatpants have a pocket. That's what I wanna know. I think he tucked it into his waistband or something, and it fell down and just lay. Slide. Oh, I guess it did. Yeah. Mhmm. Crystal Harris, ex fiancee of Hefner, went on Stern last week and said she only had intercourse, sexual intercourse, with Hef once, that it lasted about two seconds, and that she isn't turned on by him. She later tweeted, the stern interview scared me. He's harsh, he being stern. I was unprepared and blurted out things I shouldn't have said. Hef said or tweeted, for the record, I have sex on a weekly basis, and I did throughout my two and a half years with Crystal. My my sex life involves more than one partner and has since the end of my marriage in 1998. He called our c**t and said he's glad he dropped that load of dust on her head. Oh, that's right. I'm coming. Oh, so it's like someone put an m 80 in a talcum powder bottle. And then also and here's my favorite thing he said. There's safety in numbers. When I try to settle down like I did with Crystal, I get burned. I thought it's interesting that he said something so vulnerable. He said it once, say it a thousand times. You're Hugh Hefner. You're Hugh f**king Hefner. You were hanging around with, like, Miles Davis and Buddy Rich. Why are you dating these blonde, peroxide blonde w***es? Find a f**king cool chick. You know, find a chick who's, like, you know you know, a little Like me, but older. Yeah. Exotic and cool and, you know, it's like, you know, like sculpting or poetry or something. And you'll find that some of these f**king ditzy blondes. You know? Like Don Draper's first girlfriend in Mad Men season one. He's tarnishing his legacy. That's his legacy, I mean c**k. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, c**t. Thank you. Was the news with Alison Rosen. Alright. Before we bring in, Kyle Turley, maybe he's gonna like your JJ Stokes analogy. That was a solid analogy. You called it weak, but only because it was opposite of yours. Let me, ask, could you go ahead, Bruce, doctor Bruce? Yeah. Please repeat Brian's analogy to him as it pertains to the, financial situation we're in. The man with the drop board over there? Go ahead. Rate me with that thing? Please. I I was lost in the analogy. What? Oh, you're at Allison. There's one guy with a ball and there's one guy vomiting on himself. Well put. Well put. Wow. You're lost too. How does that work? It just I don't know. It just does. Alright. That means bad analogy. I called you Jerry Rice, man. I Some people are Jerry Rice, and they're capable of scoring more points. Some guys are JJ Lopez. I appreciate it. I'm saying, if you take the two people Alright. With the degrees in the room, they don't know what the f**k you're talking about. Bad analogy. Sorry. Well, you know, the thing about analogy. Adam is Adam is always right. So Well, I can see him tuning out. Believe me. Believe me. I'm playing the odds. I know they don't listen. Sorry. Oh, they heard that. Alright. Let's take a break. Your own snake. Should we take a break? Uh-huh. Kyle Turley is, here. I, followed him very closely on Hard Knocks training camp last year, and one of the worst parts about the whole lockout this year is not the hard knocks. No hard knocks. Ugh, f**king brutal. Just when I was about to start watching that Hard knocks on my you would've loved it. You would've loved it. I know I heard that from you guys. Hard knocks on my eyeballs not having it this year. Alright. Bruce, where do we find you beside, Redlands? Oh, I don't know. Pulling rebar out of a Mexican. Twi I don't know. Where you find me? Twitter. Anywhere. Doctor Bruce h I whatever Twitter is. There you go. Universal City Walk on Thursday. Bowling for Soup gonna come out and, do the live podcast with us. Also, Saturday, this coming Saturday, August 6, House of Blues, back to the House Blues in Vegas, Borderline doing stand up, by the way. Borderline out in Thousand Oaks on the twelfth. So, last two times we went to those two places, they were sold out, and I expect more of that is to come. So grab those tickets early and often. We'll take a break. Kyle Turley next. Yeah. Back with, maybe one of the only guys who could kick Toby Keith's a*s. Kyle Turley. I know a lot of dudes in Nashville that could do that. Kyle, Kyle and now to see what I was telling you guys that Kyle was a big dude but not a fat dude. He's a big slim dude. Kyle, you look like you go at least six five, six six. Yeah? Yeah. Six five. And your your weight is lighter now than it was when you're playing? Yeah. I was about fifty, sixty pounds heavier. Really? Yeah. I was three, three ten when I was playing ball. And so now I mean You're two fifty right now. Have you seen a slimmer two fifty? I do. What's your secret? I've I stopped eating for four. Really? That was my secret. Well, because a lot of guys Go into Booger Sugar, please. A lot of guys I got accused of that. I got accused of a lot of things when I just we just stopped and said I'm done playing ball and I'm gonna had a bad back injury with the Rams and Mhmm. You know, people out there were saying a lot of different things because I lost a lot of weight real quick. But I was one of those guys. I grew up here in Southern California, was a surfer skater kid, didn't play football until my senior year of high school, and then just got in the weight room and just, you know, nonstop lifting weights and eating food, I was able to just grow huge, man. Nonstop. What so you started out where'd you grow up in Southern California? Out in, Moreno Valley out in the IE. And The old 909 right there. Yeah. So I'm a one of my, eight one eight. You're at the 818 in your ass, buddy. Come on. So Tramp stem. So so you don't play football till your senior year of high school Right. And no Pop Warner or no anything. No. You just at some point, you're just such a big dude that the coach says, hey, man. I was a wrestler. I started wrestling when I was in seventh grade, which I think, you know, every kid that should step foot on a football field should have wrestled personally because it teaches you everything you need to know know about body movement leverage. And, when I step foot on the football field, my wrestling coach was actually the d line coach. Mhmm. So he just said, go get the guy with the ball. And, you know, from a defensive lineman perspective, it's just a a wrestling match and see if you can get by the guy quick enough to get to the ball. So it's really easy for me, natural. Where'd you play your college ball? Went to San Diego State. Yeah. Aztec. And and Aztecs. And then drafted, by the Saints. Yep. What what round did you go in? First round, I was a seventh pick. And did they make you into an offensive lineman over at San Diego State? They did after my first year because I redshirted and I only played one year of high school football. They, basically put me on the practice squad my, freshman year because they saw how, I guess, you know, much room I had for development. Right. And they wanted to see me at both offensive and defensive lines. So I was on the scout team, you know, Marshall Faulk was there still and Sure. I was able to go in the be on the scout team on defense against those guys in the number one offense and then go on offense and play against, you know, our number one defense, which, you know, helped me, I think, because then I started that next year. I I took that job and just kept growing. I was a hundred and eighty pounds, could bench one ninety when I as a junior in high school and I just didn't stop after I saw some progressive gains from working hard, man. I got up to like, you know, two eighty five, two ninety my sophomore year coming into that. Beat out a senior for the starting job. And what were the as far as the pros go, because I I know you had your That's a lot. I know. Your moments. No. No. No. No. That's I mean, I I I talk about this all the time. Yeah. The Jeopardy music is in my hair. Add a couple of moments involving your temper on the field. Got I don't know if I don't know if you got a rap. Was it a rap that you got of of being a hothead? I mean I guess, you know, in some ways. And what was what was the pro experience like for you? And what what was different about it than than you'd expected coming up? You know, I I I thought that it was gonna be like it was in college and in high school, you know, where you it wasn't a business, basically. Right. At least it wasn't just when we were students to the, you know, NCAA and the, you know, school systems. That's what they count on to support all their budgets. But, got getting to the NFL, that's where it kind of all broke down to me. It was after the first couple years where I realized and it just kinda set in that this is a business. And that kinda took away from the game for me a little bit. So, you know, there was always some frustration, with all the different things that you couldn't do and, you couldn't say and you all you know, you just couldn't play the game a certain way after a little bit of time, you know. Oh, we gotta change this or we gotta change that rule and it's just strapping band aids onto certain problems. And, you know, as a a guy who was taught to play football from, a guy who who played it for seventeen years in NFL, my coach in college was Ed White and, played for the Vikings and for the Chargers with Dan Fouts and Fran Tarkenton and those guys, went to all the Super Bowls with the Vikings. And, you know, you you you were able to be, a football player and play the game the way it was supposed to. And then it just changed all of a sudden and you just really start to see as the the, media attention came around and and as, ESPN grew and all these other networks grew and then satellite TV came out and, it became so commercial that it was it became more entertainment than the game of football. Mhmm. And so, you know, it it it was tough as as the injuries piled on to really go along with that. Who was the toughest guy you went up against in terms of, like, the guy the defensive lineman or maybe even the outside linebacker where you're like, oh, s**t. I gotta face this guy all day today. I mean, I played against a lot of great guys, man. I came into the league in a very, unique time. I was, a rookie. I mean, my first game in the NFL was Lambeau Field against Reggie White. You know what I mean? I mean and and, and then You got the last laugh with him. Yeah. Oh, that's bad. That's bad. That's real bad. Yeah. Brian, you should know that. Yeah. Michael Strahan was probably the toughest guy. I mean, overall ability as a defensive lineman, you know, he he was the toughest competition, you know. I I I went going against guys like him, Kevin Green, all these others, man. They're just relentless, you know. Now they're like two blonde haired guys going at it. The long haired too. Beach City just going at it. Long blonde hair. It was like a wrestling match. That was I I loved Kevin Drake. Hulk Hogan. Well, as a, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He as a He still does. He's, he's with the Packers. Yeah. I think he's He's a coach. Coaching defense linemen or linebackers. Yeah. I love that guy. And it was always as a Rams fan, it was always funny to me when they traded him to the Steelers because Rams were so soft at that time and such a s**tty team. And he was the one dude that had a motor in him, and I could see them going, hey. We gotta get rid of the troublemaker, the guy who's fired up, the guy who's trying to get sacks, like the guy who's not sitting there and just taking the San Francisco Forty Nine or lead beating. But he's actually he was like, he was actually a troublemaker, and they got rid of him. And he went to Pittsburgh and had another, I don't know, six three at least three or four good years, and he went to the Panthers. I like had another few more good years. Yeah, man. I mean, it should be a hall of famer. I mean, when his time comes for sure. It'd, it'd be nice. And the music the music is something and I watching, I guess, Hard Knocks o seven when you're with KC. I saw the scene where you went into the music room and got the guitar out, played a little, flamenco guitar. I I do I do believe, music is something that's always been with you? Always been with me, man. Growing up surfing as a a kid here in Southern California, took my first trip to Mexico when I was, like, 14 and, got a little guitar for $10 at the border, man. Never put it down. I still have What part of Mexico have that Tijuana? If south. There's no surf in Tijuana. Rosarito? Yeah. Just, south of there, Rosarito, all those old spots that aren't there anymore. Are they not there anymore? No. Donald Trump decided to put hotels and half build them and abandon them. So Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. You go down there. You go down there and it's, Trump world along the Pacific Coast along the coast. Yeah. We used to just go there. You go through Tijuana. You get past Ensenada, and you go down and you just go down to the beach and you just go down to the beach. And then you just put your little pup tent out there, your sleeping bag, and your surfboards, and your motorcycles, and you just have at it. My parents would never let me go. People were always going for spring break because they were convinced that somehow I'd get arrested and be thrown in jail and kept there by the federales forever. And then they had to pay zillions of dollars to get me out. We They they know something that these guys don't about you then? No. We would take we would buy fireworks. And by the way, you can just keep driving down Baja. Like, just keep going. There was nothing there. I couldn't We buy fireworks and just be sitting in the back of a pickup truck on a cooler drinking a beer, lighting m eighties off a cigarette and throwing it at the truck that was behind us on the caravan. Like, it was just the the good part about Mexico is it was lawless, and the bad part about Mexico is it was lawless. Cancel the area. You could do whatever the f**k you wanted, but if something went down, no one really was gonna bail you out. Right. That's true, man. I mean, I I've, there there I mean, that's still you know, people pay all this attention to Mexico and Mainland Mexico, and they just forget about that that red headed stepchild of Mexico, which is the Baja. I mean, there there's so much going on that is still just it's Cowboy town from the top to the bottom of the Baja Peninsula. But you know what? We would just roll through there, and we never really thought twice about it. And everyone was, you know, it's like you're in a it was like you'd went back a hundred and fifty years in time, like, when you'd go into town, dirt roads, chicken wings run around. It's still that way. There are some good people down there. You know, most of them are just fishermen and, you know, outside of the guys that are running drugs and things like that. I mean, even if you stay out of their way, they're not they're not they're not there to be bothering tourists. That's for sure. That's what I try to tell my parents. Well, you're a girl. You can't, you know, you you can't put yourself in that situation. I You end up Natalie Holloway or something, man. I feel like, I feel like Mexico has, like, 11 a*****es and then millions of just super cool laid back people, but there's a handful of asswipes just kinda ruin it for everyone else. Because, yeah, most of people there are just sort of laid back, easy, sort of friendly. Like, the one thing I always liked about Mexico is you'd go to those taco stands to get those mini tacos or you'd go down around the Rosarito there and you'd get, like, the lobsters and the and the tortillas and the beans and the whole nine yards and they would just keep bringing it. And then at the end, they would ask you how many you had, but they wouldn't go like here's what they wouldn't you wouldn't give them a buck each time they gave you a taco. They just keep giving you tacos and beers or whatever. To trade Levi's. Really? I could trade Levi's for anything back when I was growing up. And, because we I grew up pretty pretty poor. My my dad was a truck driver. My mom was like a school nurse and Mhmm. We had five kids. And, so, I would get all the clothes that were, like, hand me downs and everything, and I'd I'd pile them all up and, bring all the Levi's and, like, jackets and things like that. And I take them down there in trash bags with us to this on these surf trips that I go on with my buddies. And I trade them for pretty much anything and everything you could want down there. For jewelry, I come back and be ready for Christmas with a surf trip. You'd sleep, like, sleep on the beach kind of thing. Mhmm. And how old were you when you started? 14. Yeah. It's by the way, I love it when I was gonna say a different time, but my parents were the same way. Laissez faire is what it is. Like, you wanna go down to Mexico with your other buddies to try to get drunk? One of the you'd get the mezcal tequila. You'd sit at the beach. Yeah. One of the greatest grass is greener. One of the greatest moments of my life was beach, Rosarita. That night, head into town, go to a strip club. Tijuana is where all the good strip clubs were, but, you know That's what I heard. You have to go on Revolution Boulevard there. But the Rosarita had a couple over there in Ensenada. And some drunken guy, could have been Kyle, got gets up on stage, gets naked like he's s**t faced. He stands around naked up on the stage, and the chicks are, like, smacking him in the dick, and this guy's friends are yelling at him. They didn't have that. They would have bands, but it was like a horn that got backed over by truck and old guys playing a stand up face and stuff. Surfer dude gets completely butt naked and is dancing around shaking his dick around everything. His friends finally pull him off the stage. The following day, we're at the beach and we're just sitting around and we hear these guys razzing their buddies and razzing their buddy in front of us. Hey, man. You made an a*s yourself up there. Dance around. Everyone saw your c**k. Blah blah blah. And the guy was like, who cares? It's Mexico. Nobody knows me. No one saw. You don't know anyone who saw that? A couple of Mexican w***es. Who are they gonna tell? And we all just went, this we could not. We we went down the beach and, like, circled around and all four of us went, hey. Hey. It's that guy who's shaking his skin. We saw you last night, dude. You were awesome, man. Everyone's saying everyone's talking about it. And his buddies went like, oh my god. This is the greatest thing ever. They just completely dogpiled on. But it was one of those moments where we overheard it and we could never Right. Opportunity could not be squandered. That's hilarious. Was it you? Was it you Kyle? Pre tattoos, it could have been. Could have been. Yeah. Could have been. So how many guys would you go down there with? You you know, sometimes we go down. When I was at San Diego State, we'd go down for spring break every now and then with, you know, some of the football guys and whatever, and I'd get a little rowdy. But, I was mostly on surf trips, man. You know, me and a few buddies, and we'd go and try scout out all these different spots we'd heard about through the Grapevine. It wasn't like it was or like it is today with all the, you know, surfline.com and all this, and you could track swells. It it was a whole, you know, experience. You're gonna go with your bros, and no matter if it was two foot or 10 foot, you were going and But it was kind of fun because you'd have that point where you're driving along the dirt road, and at some point, you'd peek over the crest and you'd see the ocean, and you'd go, oh my god. Surf's up. Like, you wouldn't know if it was gonna be flat. You wouldn't know if it was gonna be tall, but it was just like I we will go see. I feel like that's missing in life. It is, man. That part where you go, we're going down there Right. And it could be glassy and there could be nothing and we could be messing around with skimboards the whole time and just getting drunk, or it could just be overhead and it could be just pumping, and it could be awesome. But you don't know before you get there and you have to go there to find out. No. Now you just experience it on your iPhone. Right. Oh, there's horrendous weather, and you don't even you haven't even been outside to see it. Well, that that's what your, analogy should have been your comeback to what he what he said about, Frying with the the the football. Yeah. The Jerry Rice comment. It should have been that, instead of JJ Stokes, your come your comeback should have been that it was like Randy Moss. Mhmm. Here's this guy that's fully capable and, you know, able to go and push it to see that thing on the other horizon that we call, you know, America and all these great things that it should be about. But you got these people that aren't willing to do it, man. Well, you don't have that. It shouldn't have been JJ Stokes. It should have been Randy Moss. Come on, man. Come on. When you were on the Rams, you had, Marshall Faulk. Mhmm. Who who was his backup? Marshall's backup, well, they drafted Stephen Jackson. Right. Before that. No. Do you remember that? No. They drafted Stephen Jackson that year, I believe. No. They had the they had the guy from Oklahoma that was a oh, not Oklahoma. Well, they had the guy who They didn't play too much. Yeah. That guy was a boss. They had the guy who's the guy who was the head case? Lawrence Phillips? Lawrence Phillips. Yeah. Here's my point. That's bad. Does Mark Martz say, to win this game, we're gonna have to give the ball to equally to everybody. But Lawrence to, or is it name Smith? Yeah. Marshall Faulk, Lawrence Phillips, you guys are gonna carry the ball equally. That's only where we're gonna win this game. Or Marshall Faulk, you're far better than Lawrence Phillips. You're gonna get the ball far more. Lawrence Phillips messes the ball once, maybe twice to spell him, but, that's how we're gonna win this game. Well, instead, what what really happened was that, we're in double overtime with the Carolina Panthers, and we're driving down. And we have ample time, and we're owning their defensive line full of Julius Peppers and Jenkins and all these guys who are these all pro cats. And we're mowing them down, me, Orlando Pace, Adam Timmerman, all these guys and we're continuing to just drive down the field. Isaac Bruce, Tory Holt, bam bam bam bam. The whole team is riding riding and we get down past the 40 and Mike Martz decides to pull the reins and says, we're gonna make this field goal. I don't wanna take any chances. Right. And you don't like that. Instead, we missed the field goal, go into into so that was overtime, go into double overtime, and we end up losing the f**king game because he decided to rely on one dude's f**king leg to get us there when we could have all seen over the hill, the peak, and the valleys to the promised land and won that game and not had to f**king sat around blaming each other and pointing fingers when we didn't make it to the next round of the playoffs to beat the Philadelphia Eagles and go to the f**king Super Bowl. Is that, is that the one where, they scored a touchdown in, overtime on a missed tackle sort of by what's his name? What the hell is that white DB from their side? It's station? Yeah. It's Jason. Archuleta. Yeah. Not a bunch of Archuleta. Or or yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got a bad rap, man. That, you know, I mean, that that was Mark's deal, man. I I He screwed us. We had we had a moment some minute on the clock, and we were just going bam bam down the field down the field, then he just decided, oh, I'm gonna give it to Marshall Faulk, and I'm gonna hand it to him. And we're gonna run off tackle, and we're gonna run inside zone, and we're just gonna play it safe, and then we're gonna position ourselves in the right pocket so that we can kick this field goal and go into overtime. The Rams is. Instead of go to for the win. The Rams are pretty as an organization, as an old as a diehard Rams fan, always pretty famous for doing that thing where they go into sort of the prevent nickel package defense and end up giving up the score because they don't wanna give up the score. That thing where it's the kind of thing Belichick would never do. Belichick is a finisher. Right. He's like a UFC guy. He just kicked you in the side ahead and you went down. And Mike Martz and the Rams are like the guys who are standing there stunned. What should I do? Well, don't go down. I might break my hand on his head. Yeah. There are Whereas Belichick will dive on your f**king a*s and just start throwing punches until somebody pulls you off. Because he don't care. He because all he cares about is winning. And the rest of these guys, all they care about is their job. And not there's a not losing. Alright. Yeah. Exactly. A little, music. So, the name of the album, which is out when, by the way, Kyle? We're gonna be putting this album out on this tour that we're gonna be starting out on, first, of September 8 is the first game of the NFL season up in Green Bay. We are going to be, doing a tour, called the Gridiron Tailgate Tour. It's in support of the Gridiron Greats organization that I sit on the board with with Mike Ditka and Gail Sayers and some other hall of famers, that supports dire need assistance to, retired football players, financially and medically. We've actually provided the almost an equal amount of, what is being, gloated about, in the press by the the Players Association and the NFL, through our grassroots fun fundraising efforts. And, so I'm heading out doing this tailgate tour in support of, you know, my fellow retirees, and we're starting September 8. That's when the album's gonna be out. It's gonna be out with us on tour and available online. You know what it should be called? That's not gonna be what what what it's gonna be. I don't know how to put that one. No. You're that That's the old one. We we moved up to the pre boss now. You know what your your tour should be called? Look how thin I am and look how fat you guys all got. That's the part of it, man. You know? And and there's a there's a lot of reasons, you know, a lot of fingers to go around. I've seen a lot of I've seen a lot of stuff. I mean, a lot of those inside sports and all that stuff where these guys retire and they got a bad knee and they can't exercise and they're still eating like they were playing in the NFL and next thing you know they're four hundred and thirty pounds and they're dying in their early forties, late thirties. I mean, it's it's it's really tragic. Nobody makes that. We're not outraged enough by it and the head trauma stuff as well, but they're really when you got a guy who's putting down those kinds of calories at the training table and doing two a days and then all of a sudden he's just out and, like I I said, his hip's bad or his back's bad. He can't move. Like, of course, that guy's gonna balloon up, especially when he's used to walking around at 03:25. I mean, for the love of Christ, you think the NFL would get a little more involved with that? You think they would, man, you know, but they don't. Unfortunately, you know, you know, it's a business and but unlike any other business, you don't leave and a human resource person sits you down. You know, you're not you're not talking about working at some pop mom and pop shop down the street. You're talking about working for one of the largest corporations in the world. And when you work for a company like that, every other job you get, you know, sat down by human resource person and Sure. You know, structured through how to go through your your disability, file for this, file for that. We're gonna, you know They don't do any financial stuff. Do anything. You you're you're lucky if you get a box with your pads and your helmet and they see on your way, and you gotta try and figure it out on your own because you're not making money for your agent no more. Right. And it's one it's one of those things where you have a guy who And not everybody made millions, man. No. I mean, that's the reality. Someone made billions. There's there's a truth. Peyton Manning, he's on his way. No. I mean, you you have guys that are retiring, you know, average age. I mean, the time you get out of the league, 25. I mean, it's, you know, it's three and a half years. That's, you know, most guys don't have eleven, twelve years like Kyle or ten years like Kyle. Eleven years ago. Nine years. Technically, nine. They screwed me on a year because of injury. The the point is most guys have a three and a half four year career, but let's just say you're 30 and you retire. Now, you're retiring, you're 30 years of age, Maybe you were making several hundred thousand dollars or a few million dollars a year. Those days are behind you. And you don't have the skills to know how to do that. What are you doing? And by the way, you come from a family of 11, you know, and they're not all financial planners. Maybe only seven of them are Just by chance, you might fall into the retirement class of the worst economic downfall since the Great Depression. Right. Right. So it doesn't really matter how much money you f**king made. So did you get out of there with your money? I got out of there with some money, you know. That's good. I want more board and some fish tacos. Not not yeah, man. You know, I mean, everything collapsed, and I was heavily into real estate, you know. I put it I put it where I thought it was safe. Right. You know? I mean I feel you. You know, you ain't no man if you don't own own land. And, it it came back to bite me in the a*s. Better sell some Levi's. Yeah. I know. I know. And now, where would you Talked to Warren Buffett why he backed out all his, mortgage companies that he bought up. Would you make would you have made the most money if you just stayed with one team? Or do you feel like you made more money going to other teams? It was never about that for me. You know, it was about being around something that meant something. Well, you know, I mean, when I was in New Orleans, we had something pretty special down there. You know, we had guys we had Willie Rolfe on our offensive line and Jerry Fano, Chris Naoli, and Wally Williams. I mean, we were we were just stellar and every one of us could have and should have stayed together, you know, by all means in in in the contracts and how they could have worked out over the cap room and the whole deal. And, they just started to dismantle the team left and right here and there and they never tried to really keep it together like they used to do in the old days. Well, it you know, obviously So you grew up. I mean, you just take, like, the infield of the Dodgers. You know? It's like you had Garvey and Lopes and Say and Russell, and there's, like, Jager behind the plate. And it seemed like you'd spent it seemed like that's who was playing for the Dodgers when I was in the fifth grade. And then when I got out of high school, they were still playing that was still the infield. And and the their teams were that way. You'd had this quarterback, this receiver, these guys. They're always there. Does not take that much out of you? No. No. It does not. It does not. It does not. Does does not. Kyle, if he chose baseball, he wouldn't be here right now. Playing baseball right now, which is what I should've done. Well, first off, you know these guys first off, it's one of the few sports you can just be fat and out of shape and just still still be playing. Like, some of these pitchers from, like, the Dominican Republicans that were, like, morbidly obese. Like, there's not they're choke there's not enough choker material to get around that fat neck in there. It's like Yeah. And they're up there. That's what it's forced. Like a duck thing. It's to process our meeting more. Oh, for real time. Stop them from eating. I see. Or at least putting them They foie gras themselves, otherwise. Forces them to chew before they swallow it. Otherwise, they just start dumping the food in. It's like a lap band for their neck. I like when the guy's got his shirt untucked and he's, like, laboring out there and he's he's like sweating. Yeah. I mean, look at this guy for that g*****n Yeah. I know. Michelle Obama doesn't need to A lot worse. Target McDonald's and soft drinks. She needs to go target major major major league baseball. Yeah. Go find the mound. Alright. So, Kyle, like I said, is gonna be out playing with his band. His band, it's gonna consist of who do you have? Anyone we've heard of? No. No, man. I got I got some good cats, man, around me. I got my my guy, Big Rob. He's my bass player and he's been around for a long time in Nashville playing a bunch of bands. And, we just got on a killer drummer, Dave Kennedy. He played in a band back in the day called Walk the West and some others that, you may have heard of. And a guy that's been playing with us, man, and, we hope he sticks around. There's a guy named Joe Garcia. He's played with Seal and all these others. So I got a great band around me, but, I write all my stuff and we kinda just collaborate and put it all together. Is there a football plan? I know there is as it pertains to the music, but is there a color commentary? I mean people know who you are. You were known for your personality when you're playing. You have a good look. You can string a sentence together. We're talking about We're going to put you on a show, give you a microphone, put you up in the booth or, you know, NFL Network or any of that? Yeah. I mean, I did some stuff with the best damn sports show back in the day with Sal and, it was fun, you know. But, a lot of that was just jumping into kinda the same mess I used to be in as, you know, you know, you when you're when you're tied to the man. And, I'm I'm I'm out there free spirit now trying to, make make my own longboard and Rosarita strung that guitar. You know it, man. By the way, people would you would surf naked or or you could surf naked. It was that desolate Yeah. And and, Rosarita. Was there horrendous diarrhea in Mexico? No. I never got I never got I never got sick once. No. Never once. Alright. Should we do a little more news? It's in combat. Kyle can sit in. Yeah. And now the rest of the news with Alison Rosen. The world population is expected to breach 7,000,000,000 this year, more than twice the number of people on Earth just fifty years. Five billion of them are a*****es too. You think just 5,000,000,000. I feel like more than 5,000,000,000 are a*****es. Really? Yeah. You're right. Okay. So it's gonna breach seven At least s**tty drivers. Yeah. At least 6,900,000,000 are horrifically bad drivers. Mhmm. Alright. And the people that say I apologize, and they don't really apologize. They're insincere with their apologies. That's at least 6,000,000,000. Yeah. Mhmm. So it's expected to breach 7,000,000,000, which is more than twice the number of people who were on Earth just fifty years ago according to projections by the United Nations. World population is expected to exceed 9,000,000,000 by 2050 and ten point one billion by 2100. Does anyone wanna address this? I mean, that that's been my I've been beating this drum for at least fourteen years where I've been saying Do you have thoughts on this? Can we thin out the herd a little bit? Like, I know your problems. You know, we have a problem I just got a vasectomy. Oh, you did? Did you really? Help thin it out. Prove it. Prove it? Try to impregnate me. Go out of go out of it, Allison, right now. Been nine months will know. Well, no. I'm older than that, actually. Yeah. It's recent enough that I haven't had my follow-up. So Oh, really? I can't. I'm sorry. And and, you know, the more still can. You can't quite work. They always say the, first one after the vasectomy is awesome. But first off, it's not like I've ever had a bad orgasm. You know, I've never had it. Never had a three. If I've always at least a seven. They're all Do you know what I mean? It's not like I had an orgasm went, that's enough of that. Are you ever like, did I have one? Yeah. You never wonder. Aren't they all kind isn't it kinda standard for guys? Aren't they all awesomish? They're all odd. They're they're sort of like corn dogs, you know? They're all f**king strong. Do you ever have, like, a a veggie corn dog? You're like, ugh. Never had a bad corn dog. I never I never had some better No. It's not any orgasm like a veggie c**k. Once in a while once in a while, you feel like, oh, man. That was a jip. But don't worry. I you get them the next time. What makes a jip? You know what I mean? I I I can't explain it, but, you know, there's there's it's kinda like once in a while you get a mealy nectarine, you know? It's not as good as the one that came before or the one that's coming after it. But you're still gonna try for another one. Yeah. Kyle, do you have kids? Yeah. I do. I have I have three. You have three. So you had the vasectomy? Right. Yes. Did they wanna know whether you had kids before they gave you the vasectomy? Yeah. I believe it came up. Right. Yeah. I I my my feeling is whatever the problems that we have as a society or world, whenever they you know, you watch a little late night TV and have the guy on there going, you know, there's children that don't have medical avail themselves of medical help or they don't have shoes or there's poverty or there's hunger or there's abuse or yeah. It's all just kids. There's too many. There's too many people. It's it's pretty pretty simple equation. But see, the problem is people like Kyle are getting vasectomies, not the dumb s**ts. Right. That's right. The guys who ride the long boards and eat the fish tacos are getting the vasectomies. Who will play bongos in the future? That's that's my point. I'm I'm saying we we have to start thinning the f**king herd, and somebody's gotta say something about it. Does does anybody know if that's ever recommended to, you know, people like Octomom or, you know, other ladies or or people that go to, like, planned parenthood, things like that. Need need need this. You know? Listen. We don't tell anybody their business. All we do is keep dropping off sacks of grain so they can get enough energy to f**k more and crap out more kids and exacerbate the problem. We need to cut them off the f**king grain or we need to start lacing the grain with something that renders them sterile because we're gonna f**k literally f**k ourselves out of this world. Couldn't we just drop a bunch of condoms on them? They would be They tried that. They don't use them. Have you ever used a condom? No. What's that? Listen, not everyone's been whoring at Tijuana. Why do you think I got a vasectomy unless a man put his scalpel to my nutsack? Right. Well, you're you're awake for that. Work. Yes. Yeah. I I I chose to be awake. I was, you know, whatever. It didn't I didn't wanna have my wife take me down there. Like, all these other dudes are sitting in the waiting room, and they got their wife, and they bring their wife in because they're going in to get knocked out. Oh, they got driving home. Yeah. I didn't wanna be the you know, and have them be walking out there like Johnny Dangerously, you know, and Right. I gotta have my wife take me home. So, like, what kind of thing It's a very Johnny Dangerously reference. I heard all this Johnny Dangerously reference. Dig it deep. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like how how did you walk out? Do they just put a little band aid on or is it like a full You're numb when you walk out. No. You're numb when you walk out. It's like the dentist. Yeah. Because it's you know, they gotta numb it so they can go in there and do all that. It's not, you know Mhmm. Medieval times. You get the syringe you get the shot to the sack? Yeah. You gotta take that, but I got a bunch of ink and, you know, some You were used to it. Hurtful places. So I just laid back and thought I was getting a tattoo on my a*s. Do you have ball tats? No. No. Not yet. Laser stuff. Well, you maybe should've gotten them while he was already numbed out. He had the ram horns back there in the day. But, after he got traded to Chiefs, those had to come off. So I came to laser. So askmen.com has published their big survey where they ask men all sorts of questions, and I have chosen five of the many. I love Ask Men magazine. It's just awesome. Ask Men. Okay. One of the questions is, would you dump a girlfriend if she became fat? 53% said no. 47% are liars. Uh-huh. Became fat. Yeah. So you start going out with her, she's spelt. She balloons up Mhmm. Much like a retired football player, not Kyle. Right. Would you then dump her? 53% said they would not dump her. Oh, no. I'm sorry. 53% are liars. 47% said they would dump her. Right. Yeah. Most most times when you're dating and just dating, there's an a sort of yearly evaluation where you go, did I get a raise and lose some weight? And did she get s**t canned and put on 20 pounds? And then they sort of do the math. Here's what I wanna know. What about marital weight gain? Mhmm. Like, do you feel like when you take the vows, that's, like, for fatter or thinner? I I yeah. I do. I like the couple that had the tacit agreement to both get fat at the same rate. Like, you see that couple, they've been married for twelve years and they both put on seven pounds a year for the last twelve years and they're both, you know, stretching out the fanny pack to its maximum capacity. They had to add a leaf to the fanny pack and everything. But you're looking at them and you go, I think they both sort of decided. Like, again, it was They gave up together. It wasn't in writing. It was just a sort of knowing nod of, oh, I have a second helping of mac and cheese. How about you, sweetheart? Well, so that's the problem is that when you're in love, it is very easy to just eat together and give up. Yeah. I'm telling you the problem is the kids because the s**t just starts flowing. The fridge fills up with all kinds of bulls**t, and you gotta stare at it. The bachelor days, it's easy to stay in shape if you don't ketchup and beer in your head. Bring it home. Right. That's it. Do your kids eat crap that you find tempting? No. But I'm I'm actually pretty fortunate, though. My kid, like, refuses bad stuff, and he eats, like, broccoli and, like, chicken, and it's pretty weird. So, but I I was always a pretty health conscious guy. I wasn't like this huge three hundred ten pound guy. I I put it on right. You know? I didn't wanna do steroids, so I made sure a very strict diet that I was on all the time. So, you know, just stopped eating for four. That was pretty much why I lost the weight. Right. Yeah. It's all in the home and what you do. I mean, nutrition is, is a habit. You you you learn and and gain good habits and bad habits. The more you know. The more you know. Alright. Last one. Another well, another question. Oh, Jesus. I'm asking that. Yeah. How important is it to you what other people think of your car? Mhmm. 46% said I don't really care what people think of my car. 37% said I'm aware of how people perceive my car and don't want to be embarrassed by it. 17% said I value how people perceive my car and want them to be impressed by it. Do you care what people think of your cars? I'll tell you the problem with the car. And and it's like it's one of these things where if you're anonymous, then nobody really gives a s**t. There's two things. When you go out and you drive your car, essentially, there's two ways people decide whether you're successful or not. They look at your car or they look at your watch. Mhmm. You know, you essentially have to have some piece of something that represents, am I doing well? Am I successful? I mean, a Super Bowl ring would be nice. What about a little mumbling man money bag? Just something that lets you know. And your car is a sort of, you know, rolling manifestation of, like, how you're doing with your life. And I've had plenty of times I when I first got started in show business, I just drove a Nissan Maxima. I was like, that's it's enough car for me. It's all you need. Nice v six in there. And everyone's like, what are you doing in that thing? I was like, it's fine. It works great. And I was like, yeah. But you should be driving a BMW. It's like, I don't care. I I I didn't care. And now it's a kind of thing where I think what you should do with a car is you should go sort of that Mark Cuban route in that everyone can drive a Prius now and no one knows. I mean Leonardo DiCaprio drives a Prius and a secretary that makes $37,000 a year drives a Prius. One's multimillionaire. The other makes under 40 a year. They both drive the exact same car. That did not happen in the thirties. I can I can promise you that in the forties? So we're now living in a time when you can drive anything you want, and it's kinda cool to slum it a little. See if Kyle pulled up in a beater old VW bus that he used to go surfing in, everyone would just think he was rich and think even he wouldn't be judged on it. You know? You know what I'm saying? No. It it I So it's saying is that it's important to be rich and then you can drive whatever you want. If you're Mark Cuban, you can dress like a slob. What's he do? He wears t shirts and cargo shorts and flip flops everywhere. Right. But then he takes a a g four or whatever he takes to go out of town. And it that that's the whole thing. It's that sort of under see, if I was a dude and I was trying to get laid and I was making $40 a year now, instead of buying the best car my $40 would buy, I'd buy a beater, dress kinda like a slob, and have the chicks think I was rich dressing down. Like, I was doing the cool rich guy undercover slumming it thing. Like, oh, he's driving that old Dodge Dart. You know, he could be driving up there. Ironically. Ironically. Yes. Ironically. It's all about your strut, man. That's all it is. That's right. When you buy those when you get out of that thing. And and you're walking strut. And when you're I got I got a minivan out here, you know, and I don't I don't feel intimidated. I got two kids and a wife, but, I know when I get out the car and I'm walking down the street, I I don't give a f. So It's the swagger. He doesn't care, but he cares a ton that you care about him not caring, but he doesn't even care about that, dude. Plays it off like he doesn't care. That's right. Because you know that's what girls actually really like. They like not caring. They like the guy that just doesn't give a s**t. Yeah. Because I know it's very attractive. Hold on, Kyle. He is, isn't it? You know what I have to say to that? Yeah. Who cares? Oh. Because I'm not thinking about it. What else do you guys have to not care? I don't care. What else you got on there? I don't even care about You guys are even caring about caring about me not caring. I don't care enough to continue this podcast. How about that? Hot? About that? Hot. That is so hot. You know what? Let me talk about one of our sponsors. You know what? f**k it. I'm tired. Alright. You should care about GoToMyPC. That's right. That's what you need, Kyle. When you're traveling, when you're on the bus, when you're making the rounds, mobility, baby. It's key. And that's why I recommend go to my PC brought to you by Citrix. Work from anywhere. Get hold of your home computer, your work computer, break into hack into Dick Vermeil's computer. Wow. Securely access your office, your computer from your office or anywhere else, your Mac, your PC, right from your iPad. Easy to get started. Sets up in just minutes. Go to my PC free. That's right. Forty five days free. Download the app from the App Store then visit gotomypc.com. Click on the tried free button and enter the promo code adam and that's how you know you're gonna get it for free and for sure. Album is out. What when is album coming out? The album's gonna be coming out September 8, but it's my sophomore record. My first record's out, right now. It's called Anger Management. I've had it out for about a year and a half now. And death, drugs, and Death, drugs, and the double cross is gonna be out this fall on my, football season tour, the, gridiron tailgate tour. Kyle Turley. Kyle turley dot com. You can Twitter him at Kyle Turley. Follow him, and Kyle come back anytime you like, my brother. My brother. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Paul Bryan and Allison Rosen. Of course, Kyle Turley saying, mahalo. You know, we have a proud I just got a vasectomy. Alright. That's Adam Carolla show six twenty three. Coming for our final clip today, we have Adam Carolla show fifteen ninety four. This one's featuring Adam Scott, Jason Schwartzman, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop Bishop from 2015. Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you. Yeah. And bald Brian. Don't just start eating like you got nine rectums. Good advice from Lisa Lampanelli. Yeah. Alright. So much to get to. Adam Scott, Jason Schwartzman coming in here. A couple of fine actors. I've watched their, movie. I enjoyed it very much, and it was all entire movie was shot in my house. Crazy. And it was one of those movies where it wasn't like, well, there's a couple of scenes that were shot in the house. The movie took place in the house. Right. The house was sort of one of the characters of the movie because it's only four people. And, jeez, at last count, I was trying to they shot in the kids' room. They shot it's funny because, they sent us over Vimeo, and my wife and I watched it. And then at some point, she wanted to show the kids, hey. Look. Movie shot in your house. There's your bedroom. Your the the the room they grew up in. But this is not a movie for kids, though. Right? We fast forward too too fast to get to Schwartzman's c**k. Okay. So you you gotta be careful where you stop. One of those things. Yeah. Pretty careful. Pretty pretty careful. I'm psyched for these guys. I like both of these guys. Yeah. This is pretty exciting. They're both, really good. Alright. So, we'll have them in in a couple of few. Let's see. First off, just so you guys can all get depressed for me, my schedule today, which will be Monday as you hear this. Matt, let's, review today's schedule for moi. Sure thing. Well Assistant Matt, the Porcelain Punisher, by the way. You are, going to lovely Orange, California, which is a solid 55 miles from your house for a catch a contractor. While you're driving there call time for that. Oh, we'll get to it. Oh, so we're gonna jump the schedule. Be revealed. Out there yet. First, we've got, back to back phone or 07:30AM, seven forty five AM. Then your call time is 8AM Uh-huh. On the set. You'll be doing a walk through with homeowners, the contractors starting demo, wrapping at 04:30. You get back in your car, have another set of phone calls. These are, print phoners and also a new, client call. What are we plugging in these phone calls? Well, we've got a bunch of different projects. You got your new book, Daddy Stop Talking, available now. Click through Amazon.com. Mhmm. We also have, of course, Paul Newman winning the racing lap. Paul Newman. Alright. So we're talking that up. So back in the car at 04:30. And you love print phoners. Those are the best ones because they can run even longer. Yes. And they don't talk. So we Then we in the evening, we have a 05:30 show. Mhmm. I do believe there's gonna be a fun to anything back or walking around. So you can chat with them for a little bit Good talk. While you're on break. Mhmm. And then after the show's over, in your car, one more print phoner for your drive home at 07:20. Alright. And then, what what what time would the call time be for Tuesday? That's gonna be shall I be? 8AM in Torrance, which is 35 miles from your house. Alright. There we go. He's not like Job. People say all the time. Like, they think I'm kidding. When I go, oh, when when you have enough money? I go, when I can live the life that my kids and wife and dog lead. That's when I'll have enough money. I can't I don't do that. I don't have next and near that life. What a dream come true for this road hardbackers coming in. He's gonna get the rested energetic, kind of, bushy tail. The only thing that's good about going to these cesspools that I have to go to is cesspools. Is I get to look around and soak in some of the local color and realize that as I think we're talking before, not only is Martin Luther King the worst boulevard in every city, but, also Cesar Chavez. It's the second biggest piece of s**t boulevard in AC. Someone's just gotta rip these things up and move them down to, like, at least Beverly Hills adjacent Yeah. Or something. Beverly Wood. Yeah. They gotta have some I was doing this neighborhood. I was trying to get home from Torrance at, 05:00 on Friday, which is Torrance isn't that bad. It's past the airport. Or I mean, it Yeah. Yeah. 05:00 on Friday in LA, you can't get to your f**king mailbox. Right before the South Bay. It's pretty far south. It's getting from there to Lac and Yada. Yeah. Torrance to where you live. Actually, Culver City. No big no big whoop. Everyone does their own home math on everyone else's math. Yes. But I live in Montana. No. I know. I live just right next door. I was like, oh, I know. It's quite far for you. Yeah. It's hard to get so Waze will have you hop on the one ten then just hop off. Yeah. Drive through people's living rooms and stuff through back alleys. And next thing you know, you're on Cesar Chavez Boulevard going, wow. Does this f**king suck? And by the way, if you're Cesar Chavez, pull feel free to pull my name off this super crime ridden, graffiti laden, gum laced piece of s**t you call for street. All he wanted was a better life for his people. I'm like, Tyranny. Yeah. And by the way, my kids are gonna be like, Cesar Cesar Chavez? Oh, you mean the guy with the s**tty street? No. The guy with the bad house. The guy in front of the s**tty street? The guy with the the guy That's his legacy invented s**tty streets? Oh, with, oh, with the shopping carts with no wheels? What what an a*****e. And by the way, wait till I get my hands on that Martin Luther f**king King guy. Oh, yeah. He's the second s**ttiest street. His work with cars on blocks is unparalleled. So, I got that going for me. Somebody tweeted me that, I don't know. One of the I think, Dale Earnhardt Junior is driving a NASCAR with passion fruit flavored tea on it today, which, ruined me. Oh, dark days. So, we got that, working for us. I know nothing about Orange, California. Is Orange nice? Is Orange bad? I thought it was a a quaint little suburb, but I'm trying to get a feeling that it's not. Here's the the thing about LA is, you pick a epicenter. To me, the epicenter has always been, for some reason, the most convenient place in Los Angeles is Sherman Oaks. If you live in Sherman Oaks, you're within striking distance of Hollywood, Pasadena, downtown, it the the airport. It's not Burbank Airport. Shut the best place. It's the middle. Just pick your poison because you you're not gonna get, LAX or No. No. Beach or any of those places. But if you have to be in a place Well, no. It's convenient for all poisons. Well, it's convenient for all poisons. What I'm saying is if you wanna live in the Palisades, that's great, or Malibu, that's great, but good luck if you have a job in Burbank on a lot or working for Warner Brothers or something like that. You just the the the the basically, Sherman Oaks is like the center fielder who doesn't know how the new guy who can swing the bat. No scouting report on the road. No. So he'll he's gonna kinda play the middle. He's not gonna have his weight shifted back or shifted forward. It's not really it's it's it's, fish nor foul, but you can get everywhere if you have to for sure enough. Straight up. He might he might shade the lefty because he's a lefty, but he's not gonna commit to the guy. By the way, I've experienced a lot of, humiliation over my life. But one piece of humiliation I've never suffered, and I'm happy to say it. I'm talking to guys Everything you say comes true. So Human careful what you say. I've had human feces put into my ear during the daylight and school hours. But I've never I've never had this and, who amongst us has had this? Let's be honest here. Max Patton. A little short in stature. Gary, you may have had this. The softball game, maybe the company softball game, maybe it's a frat on frat thing. Whatever it is, it's the stranger softball. Sometimes it's a pickup thing at the park or whatever. And guy who medium to well built gets up there, stands at the plate, outfielder sees the size of the guy's forearms, takes a couple of steps back, gets into position. Guy takes one swing, sort of chopping a foul ball off, and everyone takes 10 steps forward. Just just by the one swing we can tell, ain't no pop in that bat. Yeah. The just just with the scouting report is literally one swing. Now it doesn't matter whether you missed the ball, foul it off. It's not about what happens. It's the swing. Ugh. There's the version of it where you take a few steps back. Yeah. Yeah. And there's also the version where you drop your meds and start walking forward. Yeah. Yeah. Pre tumor, I never suffered that indignity. But since, my physical skills are a bit diminished, so, yes, I have I have suffered that indignity in a softball game. I'll give you a pass cause of the tumor. You know what? Our secret in college, we had a guy on our team. Our secret weapon was a guy named Richard. And Richard was is it is and was, he's a good friend still, a spectacular nerd. He would show up for the softball games in jean shorts. Mhmm. Like Jesus sandals, you know, flip flop kind of thing. Right. Right. Right. The leather sandals. Mhmm. A wristwatch, like a silver wristwatch, glasses, a button down shirt, because he'd just come from class and he's a nerd. He's like Ned Flanders in the sense that when Ned Flanders takes his shirt off, he's a f**king Greek Adonis. Right. Richard would get up there and everyone in college are creeping in because he's dressed like a super nerd with the jean shorts, and he'd f**king rip one two hundred and fifty feet over their head. It was in crowd that was our secret weapon, and it worked out to our benefit that, you know, people, like, creeped in. Underestimated him. It shocked him. Yeah. Well, you know, actually, if you ever get in that situation, it would behoove you. You're only gonna get one shot at a first impression Mhmm. And then first bad impression with a bat. If you're ever in that situation, take a bad swing. Throw a couple of take a bat. No. Just take a bad swing. First cut, bad swing and be late because the outfield will also shift the other direction. If you're late on it Yep. If you're real late on it and you give a real bad swing, they'll move up, they'll shift the wrong direction. The next one, you can crank it out. Okay. Alright. Good strategy, you athletic nerds. I, was I finally got some of my old TiVo. You know, I have three or four TiVos gathered up from over the years. Mhmm. It just and we're talking about transferring them because what happens is is I say, oh, let's, pull up that Letterman appearance. And, Gary says it doesn't exist. Well, it's on my TiVo somewhere. Exists somewhere. Well, we started grabbing them and throwing them, ripping them, and get them on. Lynette started ripping them and putting them on, the the, kaleidoscope, the big computer, whatever. And, I watched my second Letterman appearance, which I hadn't seen since however long the f**king thing's been unplugged at least, and it's been at least seven, eight years. Late nineties? What are what are we talking here? First one's probably around the level. No. No. No. No. This was, like, this wasn't that long ago. This was I took a long time off in between. This would have been, like, 02/1945 or something like that as I as I recall. I'll I'll I can look it up. But, either way, it it just reminded me because I was watching the James Brown story, on HBO or whatever The movie? The other night. The movie. Get on up. Sorry. Get on up. Sorry. I, so I told you the first time I did it, James Brown was the musical guest. Right. Second time, I have no here basically, here's how my memory works. I've done Letterman two times in my life. If you put a gun underneath my chin and said who was the musical act the second time you did Letterman, I would have no idea. I was also surprised to find out that I went on first, which was a weird thing that I didn't remember either, sort of a weird selective low self esteem memory. But, Ricky Martin was the was the musical act. The That's quite a bill. The second time. Yeah. And, Larry Brown, the basketball coach, just onto the new the, the Knicks, I think, at that point. Yeah. He coached he's coached a dozen teams. Right. He'd move on every every other year, but I think he was starting with the Knicks. I think that's why he was he was on and probably why I was on, first. Just a little piece of, Carolla trivia. You know, you should put those on your YouTube page. I'm sure people would love to see those older because they probably don't exist out in the YouTube world. Yeah. Rep them and, have one of the techie guys put it on the YouTube page. Tell Matt to, put that in the schedule tomorrow. I'll just jump on the YouTube page tomorrow and on the way into your Belinda. We'll we'll look into it. There may be some rights issues. g*****nit. That's the show doesn't exist to me now. I'll tell you. That's a good point. On it, baby. Dumped, some of the, oil, by the way, the MCT oil. Put it in my, coffee this morning. Actually, it's it's it's actually an interesting thing. The MCT oil, the stuff that Drew loves, and I love it as well. It's pure coconut oil. It's it's a nice canary in the coal mine of your refrigerator, which is this. If you pull it out in the morning and it's solid, like, it just won't come out you can't squeeze it out Mhmm. Your fridge is too cold. Or it's too close to the ice maker or something like that. Okay. If you no. Not I have a I have a lower I have the drawer, but actually Oh, wow. Excuse me. No. No. No. Sorry. But in the other fridge, it's a side by side, so it can't be too close to it. But Okay. Okay. What I'm saying is two fridges, Brent. If it if it is, in fact, you come out and it just comes out like, you know, dog piss. It's too your fridge is too warm. Dial it up. It's gotta come out in just a slightly opaque, slightly hibiscus Oh. Way, and that's how you know you're right in that sweet, I don't know, 34, 30 5 range. Yep. Dumped it my coffee this morning. Beautiful. Onnit Warrior bars buffalo meat, 14 grams of protein. No soy, no lactose, no antibiotics, no nitrates, no gluten, all that kind of stuff. Alpha brain, all good for what else you have. Go to Onnit, o n n I t dot com forward slash Adam. Save 10%. Good guys. Good company. Onnit. Alright. Let's see. We got some phone calls. We got, Huey Bowl, and we got the mashup. Was it Huey? Am I saying that right? Huey. Huey. I think it's Uy. He's a German, director. Kinda went nuts on He's a pistol. Starter thing. He's pissed off. He's great. Dawson, mashed something up, with him. And, well, we'll, Dawson's not here right now, but, we'll give it a listen too. And that way we can be honest about it. So it is Uberball, and, that is the last update. We have only four days to do with the Rampage campaign. It looks like nobody gives a s**t about Rampage three. So Basically, my message is f**k yourself. I want to do rampage three because it is an important movie. Hollywood sucks. Iron Man is not existing. The Avengers are not existing. The old f**king r****ded idiots. And Robert Downey Junior and all their people, they are idiots. It's like a dirty pieces of s**t and I never played that game. I make movies and focus on the movies. It's all about the f**king money. They're f**king a*****es and r****ds and they're not even able anymore to create a piece of art. f**k yourself. No. I have enough money to play golf till I'm dead. In talk shows, they're sitting there and saying, I'm one of you. You know, I'm Jenny from the vlog. Wait till you hear me. Wake the f**k up. What is Jefal Lopez? Right? And you know what they do? They're laughing about you. They're like, perfect. That is the most bulls**t business with bulls**t idiots, one after the other, lined up behind each other. You know, they're all f**king each other in the asses. And they all laughing their asses off. Nothing else. All the actors ever worked with Ben Kingsley or whatever are f**king pussies. Nothing else. Families appear friends about of the managers, agents, and publicists, and and attorneys, and they protect them so that they can f**king drive a Ferrari, in Beverly Hills. f**k yourself. My movie is 10 times better. Hollywood sucks. They're like, perfect. The young people of today falling in the f**king trap because they're all stupid. 400,000 children and women got hacked in f**king pieces. They're like, perfect. Alright. Lot of material there. Lots. Lots to draw from. Help Oh, we better watch out. He's gonna burn his bridges. Someday. Let's see. Dan. How you doing? Three. Dan, Iowa. What's going on, Dan? Not much. Todd, but to say I gave your book to an employee of mine. He loved that his dad was going through the same bulls**t. Gina, you're doing awesome. It's been a lot of fun to hear. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks. Hey. This question has to do with the, your mom's house getting sold for quite a bit of cash. Mhmm. Well, yeah. I, you know, I had this I had a I I was looking up at your question. Yeah. The house, that cost $10,000 sold for $6.50. And I may I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm imagine the They're stammering. I imagine the $89 mortgage was probably paid off. Monthly mortgage was probably paid off some years ago. Looks like there's two earners in the Carolla family now. I had an impulse, and it's an impulse that we should all have. And it's an impulse that I'm proud of, and it's an impulse that most people don't have, which is the following impulse. When I heard the news, no impulse. I cannot tell you Your lack of impulse is your impulse? Can I tell you how many people find out the ace man has a warehouse? Mhmm. And then I can always see f**king things turning. And then at some point, I get the, you know, I bought an RV. Mm-mm. And I but, you know, not long term. I'm gonna flip it. But I do but I I I can't park it in front of my apartment. You know, it just In the dawn of the podcast, there were a lot more vehicles parked on the property. You no. It didn't seem to move. I'm gonna say on the physical price. No. No. No. But no. But there's there's a monetary part. There's a physical part. There's an every part of you find out somebody does something. Fill in that blank. And then you start thinking, how am I gonna get in on this? Isn't Mike August really good at that? Isn't that how you got a vending machine? Yeah. I don't want the f**king vending machine. A vending machine costs me kilowatts. I never eat anything out of it, and I can't stand it. But If your employees feel happy. That's what no. Please. Bloated. I care about bloated and happy. The point is this. Forty five minutes a day, they're here. The point is this not you, Mike. It's bad. You're here in almost an hour. Thanks. The point is this. Yes. Mike does that. The the no. There's I think there's a difference. The difference is when you find out somebody, you know when I'm talking to, Dexter from The Offspring and he's talking about selling hot sauce, you know, and I go, I sell mangria. I wonder if we should try to team up and do some special or something, whatever. That's something else. Sure. That's that's called operation. Business. It's called business. That's called business. Right. Oh, you can hear him on Take a Neat, by the way. Mkrol.com/archive. I'm talking about the f**king people that find out either you're making a movie, you have some warehouse space, you have a gig, what whatever whatever, whomever. You have a swimming pool. And they start thinking about ways to get into it without birthday is coming up real soon. We Alright. Didn't book a bounce house. I am telling you, buy a warehouse and wait to see how many people start. Oh, wanna shoot a commercial, wanna store their whatever, wanna open an office in, whatever it is. K. It all comes f**king flying to the fore. Most people, when they find out that their elderly mom sold their house that's a pile of s**t for a ton of cash, the first place the brain goes is somewhere. Sure. Dollar signs on the on the Not I'm gonna rip off the old lady, but, you know, she's taste. She's doing fine. Something I got a couple of kids to raise, and, I got some debt. And, she's definitely, she's definitely got some cash coming in. Maybe I could, hit her up for a little loan. It's just a little vague, you know, or something something. I am ecstatic to say I had no feelings. I just heard it and walked into the, house for another beer. I didn't even I I didn't even think about just it wasn't even a fleeting thought of So it never even affect me. It didn't occur to you to collect on past debt either. What are you gonna do? No. But also, I have been so far out of the what can I get from my family mode for so many decades now that if if they had a Paul Newman car on their front lawn, I'd probably walk right past it? I wouldn't even think about it because I I won't even go there. I won't go there emotionally. Speaking of that, by the way, racing, Newman's Camaro for the first time. Very rare Camaro Oh la la. Down at, beautiful Fontana coming up this weekend. I think you guys can come out. And if you wanna come out, walk around. I'll have, Sunny, Natalia there. They'll be in the pit with me. We're driving a Nice. Big fast car. So, we'll be there during the weekend. Saturday, Sunday, both. Yep. Big vintage event. So, say hi if, if you like. Alright. Some questions. I hear our guests are here. Nice. Is that, is that true? Yes. Yes. They just went past the window. I should not keep them waiting too long. I should not because they're a listers. JackThreads, baby. Just unpacked the shoes I got from, JackThreads actually, today, this morning. Some blue suede shoes. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Great. I like to see you wear those. Me too. Threads. Well, I'm Bring those to the live show we have coming up. I literally haven't taken the, paper that's stuck into them Yeah. Out yet. But, I put them in my closet. They look good. They're one of those things, alright. I'll wear them to the live show. When is that? Thursday, Dora's improv. I will be wearing my blue suede shoes jacket. That's the sound of tickets being snatched off people. Wore my board shorts in the pool today with my daughter, playing a little and a little fun with her. Fashionista. That's right. Couldn't wear the suede in the pool. What happened to you? Jackthreads.com. That's what happened to me. Use the code Carolla at checkout. Get 20% off your first purchase. That's jackthreads.com. Enter Carolla. Good prices on this stuff. Just go online. You don't have to wait around at the mall, elevate your style every day. Jackthreads.com. Yeah. Eliza Schlesinger is gonna be, with us, by the way. Always funny. Alright. Yes, Brian. Say a quick thanks to everyone who came out to my book signing on, Friday in San Francisco. It was awesome. There are actually, like, 40 or so people there. And the manager was thrilled. Like, that's kind of a big crowd for, Friday night. He was really happy, and I signed a bunch of books, took a bunch of pictures. And if anyone wants a signed book, just contact Book Passage in, the Bay Area, and they will, send you out a signed book. Saw a couple of good tweets. Yeah. It was fun, man. It was really fun. Thanks for coming out, you guys. Thank you, guys. Can I tell you, I I I have to be honest, I almost didn't come today? I almost called in dead because I just saw a tweet, a little bit before I left that Channing Tatum is going to be on a parade at gay pride right now. Oh, really? Yep. Yeah. So I want I want it noted how much I love this job that I missed that. That was, It's a big, big thing here in LA. That's huge. I was the worst I've ever been sunburned. It was, on a gay pride float. And, I had a feeling Adam Crowell was gonna say that at some point. And I want you to know, I've I've come around on my some of my interpretations of what happened that day. We Where's your stance? We were the village people. I think I was the telephone repair guy. Acting. Right? Yeah. I know Jimmy was the, biker or whatever. I was the, the cop or something. Right? Was doctor Drew the Indian? It was the morning show. It's Kevin Bean. A lot of controversy over Jimmy Sine saying, hello gays. It was one of those arguing with the stage man station manager. Why? We're just saying hi. Come on, Jimmy. Why? You can't say hi to the gay it's a gay parade. Hello gays. No. Come on. It was a very funny argument. You know what you're doing. You mean a dick. I was wearing a wife beater tank top, and I didn't realize that the that you stage up to do that thing at, like, 10AM at least back in the day. And by the time you're done, it's 5PM, and this is sort of pre sunblock. Yeah. You know? It's just it was, like, in 1994. You know? Before everyone was slathering it on, you know, every single day. It didn't even really it wasn't in anyone's had invented it. Before the white lung. Well, in 1994, when you're leaving the house, no one said bring your sunblock. And I was wear I'm wearing a tank top and and it's kind of a sheerish one, and you're just standing on this float waving. Worse I still can see the lines carved into my shoulder. At at the time, I thought it was God punishing me for, participating with the gays. Now I realize it was a gay God punished me for pretending. For pretending, not diving in full. Mhmm. Yeah. See? I've I've I've come I've come a long way. That's when I learned that I was really, like, going bald when I was, like, 21. I worked the, San Francisco AIDS walk in Golden Gate Park. Oh, no. And, look, that's one of those things. It's 6AM to, like, 4PM, and I didn't think to put on sunblock on my thinning head and, worst sunburn in my life. Oh. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy head. I hope you two learned something from this. Yeah. Real quick, then we'll bring in, Adam and Jason. Keith? Hey, Adam. How are you? Good. Go fast. We got a couple of big stars waiting for us. Okay. I'll try to make it quick. You guys or you made the connection a few weeks ago between the similar similarity of the plot line of Rocky three and the real life of Moss fight. Mhmm. Yes. I wanted to give you another, piece of data to confirm your intuitiveness. Well, except for Sugar Ray Leonard stayed with his game plan, and Rocky decided that Apollo I mean, sorry. Clubber Lang. Clubber Lang's punches no longer affected his equilibrium. That was his game plan. His way into it was to let him punch himself out on his temple. Was to absorb facial shots. Why didn't he just decide his punches couldn't affect him in the first fight? Yeah. That that was his critical error in the first fight. Yeah. Come on. You don't hurt me. It's so bad. Do it again. I got it, Keith. Okay. Sorry. So, a guy that I used to work with went to college at Tulane and played football there in the early eighties, late seventies, and they used to hire the football players back then for security at the Superdome events. Mhmm. And he worked that fight. He had a whole album photos. In fact, I even saw him on the Dumbass video on 30 on thirty. Wow. Turns out, he he said, we were talking this one day before you even brought this up, that guess who was the head of security, the bodyguard for Sugar Ray Leonard? Oh. Mister t. Mister t. Yeah. Mister t was his security guard. Well, it's interesting because mister t was a bouncer, and mister t's first claim to stardom was, like, when a wide world of sports, when they used to have barrel jumping and all sorts of crazy, like, motorcycle ice racing, and you never knew where you were going or what the f**k was going on, bar bouncing competition. What? Literally What were the events? And I don't even know if it was Wide World of Sports. It was like Pick someone up by the scruff of their neck. Throw them on the Get out. Stand right out. Yeah. Pull a chick's weave out. Got a black chick standing in front of the door to pull her weave out. That's how you start. No. You literally had to, like, kick open a door, go around a bunch of bar stools, and, you know, you know, I don't know, push someone aside, you know, carry a hundred pound sack or something, jump over the bar and, like, ring a bell. Nice. And it was like but I would watch that now. Right? The world's best bouncer competition. Yeah. Sort of like a lumberjack competition, but inner city. American Ninja Warrior, but for bartenders. Yeah. And or bouncers. Yeah. You're right. And mister t, I think, won that thing No s**t. Way back in the day. Alright. We got, the guys waiting on there. Adam Scott, Jason Schwartz. Oh, I screwed up. Schwartzman. You know, I swear to God, Schwartzman's an it's I know. I I can't read, but the point is is Schwartzman's a lot easier if you don't look at it. Yes. If all those letters start reading it. All those all those consonants mess you up. Oh, please. I just I can say dickhead shortsman all day long. I know. But when you when you glance at it, it f**king you get a hiccup. Yeah. There's a w and a z in there. Jesus Christ. It's like Eliza Schlessinger. Yeah. Yes. I shouldn't do that one either. Z clip, baby. That's what you need. That's what I got. You look like a pro suffering from, wallet sciatica. That's another word you shouldn't look at. Bulky wallet in the back pocket screwing up your posture. Seriously, what happens to people all the time is they go, my back is screwed up or my my right hip is screwed up, so I'm favoring my left hip. And then the next thing you know, their back gets screwed up because they're favoring or they're leaning or they're whatever. It was a big enough phenomenon to have a whole Seinfeld episode around it. Right. Overcompensation. You'll do that with your wallet, especially now that, you know, when you're sitting in your car, that Jag you're driving, see, it's taut. You know what I mean? It's not like sitting on the bench pillow, big sofa pillow that you grew up on, you know, the '68 Nova that just had a big piece of foam rubber going all the way across it. Z clip, baby, holds up to 15 bills, eight cards. Pulled mine out last night. Took the family and dinner. Looked like a winner. Winner. Made from a solid carbon fiber. Also comes in stainless steel, carbon steel. Go to zclip.com. Use the code Adam. Get 20% off. It's again, it's one of these things, like I said, it's like a nice watch. Nice shoes. Nice something. Yeah. You can get by on the flip flops. You get at the supermarket or get something nice and look like a winner. Same with the watch, same with the Z clip. 20% off, zasinzebra,clip.com. Not too late for Father's Day, but let's get going. Use the promo code Adam. Get 20% off your entire order. Alright. Adam, Jason out there. The overnight movie they filled in my house in studio. Next. Yeah. Welcome back. Adam Scott, Jason Schwartzman here. The overnight, the name of the movie. It's in select theaters June 19 coming up. Is that this Friday? Yeah. How how how many are we starting in? I believe we're starting in three or four LA and New York, and then, we're gonna end up in about 300 on about 300 screens after a couple few weeks. The, the toast of Sundance, I might add. And, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Watched it last night. Enjoyed the bejesus out of it. Adam, it's kinda like you got into Sundance. Yeah. It's like my house got into Sundance. Jason. Yeah. Could not have done this movie without Adam's house. Literally could not have done the movie without your house. Well, Adam's, lovely wife Naomi was my former assistant back at the man show. Thank god I was never creepy with her. No. Quite the opposite. All all three of you guys were never once creepy with Naomi ever. Yeah. Because she was me and Jimmy and Daniel's assistant. That's right. And it was easy. She was she's very beautiful, but I could I understand the impulse to be creepy with with your now wife, Naomi. But but I'm so glad I wasn't. Yeah. Me too. And yeah. Sorry. Were you dating then at that time? No. When she started working for you guys, we were on a one year break, I believe. That should've been creepy. You could've been creepy. Mhmm. But the that's it. You got like, it was the man show, and so you would think it is a place where guys would be creepy to girl or could be creepy to girls, and it would just be, like, ex you know, just expected behavior. But You'd be right. You three guys are, like, the mellowest, well, in Daniel's case, I'm not sure about mellow. But Yes. You're all just very gentlemanly guy. Like, I've never seen less creepy. The three of you guys are not, like, creepy dudes, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. Take it. No. Jimmy's the nicest guy on the planet. And so the movie, which was shot when was it? About a year and a half ago? April of last year. Yeah. And, it was crazy. I mean, it was shot, like, over what? Nineteen days or some short length. Oh, is it that short? Yeah. We shot ten nights ten nights in your house and then two days outside of your house. That's the whole movie. And it's incredible. The cast is incredible, but it's really it's it's one of these movies that is small but doesn't feel small because the acting is really good and because it shot really well. Uh-huh. I don't know who the cinematographer was. John Gulisarian. But he made that movie look great. Yeah. For sure. He was awesome. Yeah. And you guys were great in it. And the only part I didn't like is the part where Jason was explaining that the house started off as a box and that he built it out into its glory its glory now. Sorry. I took some offense to that, but I was able to see the Recyclerola in the background of the kitchen. It may it's making its feature, like, debut. It's like its own character. Now see. Yeah. That's right. Is beautiful. And but I do think that's why it also looks beautiful because that location is incredible. The house is beautiful. Everywhere you filmed, it looked so rich and beautiful. And also the view was so nice, you know, and I think that it it was it just, like, the location was so perfect for for the movie also because when the lights go down, you know, when it becomes night and you see LA light up, it I don't know. It felt like we were on a spaceship or something. It's kinda magical. Yeah. It was nice. And we shot, you know, 89% of the movie at night. So Yeah. The whole city was asleep, and we were making this kind of naughty movie up at on the top of a hill. It felt like, we were not we were, you know, all alone doing something we weren't supposed to be doing. Well, the movie is getting great reviews. It the the sun it's Sundance. It was like a bidding war breaking out. I mean, a lot of heat around the movie. And I guess you never really know. And especially a movie like this because this is one of those, it could go south pretty easily when you describe the premise For sure. Of the movie. And the fact that I mean, it it doesn't I know it's a low budget film, but it does not look low budget because, a, you recognize everybody who's in it, and then, b, just physically how it's lit and how it's shot. Yeah. Is it shot on digital? Yeah. Yeah. It just looked absolutely amazing. And you did what everyone wants to do in life, which is you shoot on a low budget. It doesn't look low budget. You do something in twelve, thirteen days and then take it to Sundance and then have it be the toast of the town, and now it's coming out. And Yeah. And it'll start in what? LA, New York, and Chicago? LA, New York, then Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle, and it'll broaden out to smaller I know it's getting to Santa Cruz where I grew up, so I know it's getting out to smaller towns as well eventually, like, by July. And, Jason's local. I mean, you're you're one of you, me, and doctor Drew are the only three people in Hollywood that were actually born here. I know. It's weird. I you know, your whole life, everyone's from here. And then one day, you say you're from here, and then you get, like, a weird look, like, you know, that how how how you know, you're from here? That's right. And it's it's weird. But But where are you from from? Westwood. Westwood? Yeah. You're from here. Yeah. Westwood. And so And it is weird when you're on an airplane or something and it's, you know, and so you say, oh, I'm from LA. And they say, I'm from LA too. And you say, where? And they say, just like like ten minutes north of San Diego. Yeah. And then I would say, that's not really. That's not LA area. LA at all. I know I know that area a little bit, and you can't get that one past me. You know? So overnight is now, what's going on right now? What's going on past that in other projects, TV shows, parks and rec is done, but is there something else I'm missing, both Adam and Jason? I'm gonna be in a couple movies this year. One that comes out at Christmas called Krampus. That's like a like a like a Christmas family horror movie, like, in the vein of poltergeist or gremlins. This really interesting writer director, Michael Doherty, has put together this kind of eight Amblin eighties style sort of family horror movie, kind of Tim Burton y a little bit. I think it'll be really cool. It comes out right at Christmas time. And, Jason, because both of you have really worked sort of pretty much nonstop for at least the last decade as far as I can far as I can tell. Awesome. We're looking at the poster right now. For the movie? That's what it says. Woah. Crazy. That's ama have you never seen that before? No. I haven't seen that. Was that the Krampus? Krampus. We just saw that That's him. The poster for. It. Frightening. Gary, you look for, Phoebe Cates explaining why she hates Christmas, by the way, because I'm I bet Adam and Jason have never heard why Phoebe Cates from Gremlins. Because they probably have one of them. They probably forgot. They forgot why it's it's the it's the you guys make movies for a living. It is one of those things where you get the script, you start reading through it, and once in a while, you see a movie where you go, did anyone not wanna raise their hand at the table reading go, I don't know what this is, at least eight pages in the middle of the script. And It's a long monologue, right, if I remember correctly? Yes. This is this is why. And then and then tell me if you've ever done this when you're reading a script in the TV or not. Yeah. This is the bar scene? No. This is walking. This is I think they're oh, no. No. Yeah. You're right. They're in the bar. They're they're upstairs. When all the s**t's going down. And she's explaining why she hates Christmas. It was Christmas Eve. I was nine years old. Me and mom were were decorating the tree waiting for dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. His mom called the office. No answer. Christmas day came and went and still nothing. Police began a search. Four or five days went by, neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try try to light up the fire, and that's when I noticed the smell. This was a comedy. Fireman came and broke through the chimney top, and me and mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead, they pulled out my father. So that's funny. Lord. Gizmo very concerned. Gizmo's masturbating in the corner. A sonic paw suit. He's in the chimney corpse form. Chimney on Christmas Eve. His arms loaded with presents. It was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck Died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus. Oh, come on. Now if you guys are at a table read That's funny. You've been to a lot of you've done a lot of table reads. At some point, if you're reading that, do you raise your hand and go, only because the rest of the script is so great am I speaking out? I really feel like this is slowing the movie down just a little bit. It's just 11 pages in the middle right here about my movie. Had a moment like that? I I I think that that is a brilliant piece of comedy. Yes. That's that's that's black comedy. I I feel like beat for beat, it has real laughs. A plate for laughs. And then the last that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus. It's like a big So anyway. It it it's it plays like a piece of comedy. It's amazing. So that's but that's hard to make that something like that be good. I mean, that's a that's good act I mean, that almost that's amazing. I think that could be a lot that could be really bad. Phoebe Case is one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world, and, she pulls the monologue off, and it's very and it stands the test of time as So you great comedy. Comedy. That would be on her reel then? Absolutely. That is her reel, man. That is a queen of anti humor. Did you know I just found did you know Howie Mandel is is the voice of Gizmo? Yes. Really? Yep. That's one of those I didn't know that. And then you hear it and you go, oh, that makes sense. You know who the voice of ET is? Who? Debra Winger. Get out of here. Get the f**k out of here. I'm about 95% sure we can look that up. Really? Are you serious? So wrong. That's crazy. It's Debra Winger? Wow. Look it up, but I Well, Howie Mandel did his, like, Bobby's World thing. Yes. He's hard to. Just So he does do that, thing. Yeah. And also, super Gremlins was Super nice. Such a big deal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you remember it? Skid yeah. Skid the s**t out of him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The worst the worst pet to have would be Gizmo. Like Yes. If ever I could have a real if I could have any creature from any movie, it would be Gizmo or Ewok. But he has so much responsibility. I'm gonna go If I'm gonna go If I'm a creature, I'd probably go with Phoebe Cates. Yeah. From that movie. That's true. Just keep her around '22, '20 '2 and a half there. So, Jason Yes. What's going on with you? So, I, have a movie coming out in August called Seven Chinese Brothers, and I also produce, and help write a TV show for Amazon called Mozart in the Jungle. Mhmm. And, it's about the kinda underbelly of the classical music world in New York. And, it's pretty it's pretty fun to do. It's so good. And how much writing are you guys doing, and how much do you wanna do? And I I know everyone's doing everything, but you can't do everything at once. So is or theatrical projects and TV shows and what's in writing and what That that writing takes up a lot of time right now. I'm trying to figure figure it all out. So it's a lot of devoted time. But, yeah. But we have a few writers, so it's really it's it's fun. It's interesting. Do you do you just look at yourself as a creative person? Like, it it's bottom I don't know. When your head hits the pillow at night, do you go, alright, creative person, go to bed? I mean, because music, writing, and acting and Yeah. What it does. No. I I say, alright. Lucky lucky person. You should probably go to bed because, you should probably turn that off and go to bed. You are a genuinely creative person. Like, you would bring a guitar to like, you you know how to make things. That's not true. He knows me. Efficiently. No. But I, I just feel yeah. I don't know. I'm not good at going to bed. Are you guys? No. Yeah. No. I it it going to bed It's the worst. First off, going to bed means tomorrow's gonna start when I'm you know, in about twenty minutes when I fall asleep. And I always my whole life, my impulse was to postpone Yeah. Tomorrow starting. Yeah. Yeah. Because we go from the best sweet sort of, the the the heart of the, artichoke, which is that nighttime, but that suites the spot between about 10:30 and 1AM The best. When you got that glass of wine in your hand Yes. And the best TV shows are on and Everyone's quiet. And it's not hot, and there's no leaf blowers and everything. Yeah. You're gonna go from there to the worst part, which is 07:15 and f**king leaf blowers and bright light and people like, everything. Everyone f**king annoying you. Yeah. It is terrible. And and life moving. And then going outside and seeing people that are okay with it. Yeah. But I hate that. Like, let's go what are you doing? I just got back from the y. Swam a bunch of laughs. You a*****e. I like to attack the morning. Yeah. I hate those a*****es. Well, here's a question that I have have for for you. Yeah. He so for your movie that you did, you had to work out. Yeah. And I've always been blown away. Like, I I I agree with you. I'm not a morning person and, I mean, I just think it's silly to get up so early, but you I have to. I've got children and stuff. But, But, you hear but when I'm working, I try to get up, like, the last possible second and then go to work. But you hear about actors have to be an incredible physical condition, will get up two or three hours before they have to go to work and work out. How do how do you how do you not crash? Like, how do you not kill yourself? What was the what was the schedule, Adam? Well, you know, I I did. I had to, like, get into shape for the movie, and it's not like I'm a super athletic person as you can tell. But I I did, like, try and I on some mornings, if I had, like, a 7AM call and it was we shot it in New Zealand, I would not that that's relevant to this story. I'm just bragging that I got that I went on a flight. Sure. That helps me. I would get up at five and go to the gym. This is all stupid that I'm saying all this, but I'm sorry. I feel bad about that. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No You mean, like, go out and buy one or something? Like, make it at home and Do Prospero Depends. I I try to get try to, like, sleep till almost the very last night. Oh, yeah. See, I always I need time to drink coffee and watch something before I go. I usually wake up two hours before my call time. Oh my goodness. I had I had the I had the the devastation on Friday of having the coffee maker not work. What do you do? I had I I just poured it in a counter and started snorting it. Like, I'm getting a freeze with it, you know, f**king key stirring it. Like Yeah. It was this deal where I'm shooting this f**king spike show, and it was, like, Friday. We've been shooting all week. You know how you kinda you're alright on Monday, Wednesday. You're starting to slow down, but by Friday, you're you're pretty much done Yeah. With that schedule. And, everyone el everyone in the house is asleep. The kids are asleep. The dog is asleep in a mocking way. You know? Belly hanging out, paws splayed out. You know? Yeah. Having to move her paw off on my foot to get out of bed. You know? Her rolling over in disgust. You know? Everybody You're in her bed. I hate it when everyone else in the house is asleep because it makes me that much more tired. Yeah. I go into the kitchen with the coffee makers just set to go off at 6AM Yeah. And it's, like, 06:45, and it's just it ain't working. Yeah. And it's that move where the writing on the coffee maker, you need a jeweler's loop and a flashlight in your mouth to f**king re you really you switch it on auto, then you switch it to on, then you hit program or timer. Yeah. Then you do the move, the super helpless. I'm gonna unplug it. Yeah. And then I'll plug it back in, and surely something will happen. Something happens. Even at some point, there's a part where you just lift it and bunk it once. Like, maybe just needs a good punch, a funky shake. Move the carafe around. Yeah. Move the carafe around. It doesn't notice. Yeah. It's not that it's not sensing something. Sensor. Yeah. Yes. And I I pulled it out, counted to three Mississippi, and punched it back in as if nothing was wrong. Nothing. Then there's the weird My grandparents had trouble with it too. The coffee maker delay where it's like, even if even if it starts, you're not sure it started because it's gonna take doing the sucking up. Heating up. 30 Mississippi to go, and you're just sitting there, and then you're looking at the clock going, I gotta be in Torrance in forty minutes, and I it ain't gonna work. I think I heated up water and put some instant something in a cup that would just just so it was brown. Yeah. Yeah. Just so I could have something that looked brown in my hand. And then as soon as I got to set, I just raped the s**t out of Starbucks box the whole time. It was and it was so weird because it was four in the afternoon. I was pouring coffee like I'm my inner child had been wounded by no coffee, and I had to make up for it. So what what's wrong with your like, a coffee maker is a pretty simple device. What what went wrong? I, well, this is this the twisting of the, coffee stirrer in my in my side was when I got home and I said to my wife, what's up with the coffee maker? She go, I don't know. It was working fine when I got up at eleven Oh. Noon ish or whatever. Whenever she came upon it, it was like, I don't know what time it was. We're fine. Yeah. Weird. Well, what do you think about that? Because you're someone you know how things are made, and it's weird, like, these days how everything is now a computer chip Yeah. And interconnected. So if one thing breaks, so many things break. Is that frustrating? Do you try to learn about that stuff, or do you try to keep as much of it analog as possible? I am totally hands on mechanical analog. And if I can't turn it or break it free or kick it, I I I haven't I don't want anything to do with it. Yes, Brent. I have a follow-up question to Jason's question, which is, am I crazy or old or whatever for thinking this? Whenever we were redoing our kitchen and we had the option to put in one of those, floss that you touch. You know what I mean? It goes on, you touch it, it goes off, you know, so you don't have to turn Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said to Christie I said to Christie, no. No. No. Everything electronic, that's one more thing that can go wrong and break and have to be replaced. I want the handle that you can turn off. Is that weird, or should I just give into the electronic? There's certain things. It's like like, it's a handle on a Or it's just fine if you have a classic. A a handle that turns on a faucet's a Trident test. Pretty flawless type of I'll give you an example. A volume knob always needs to be a knob, not a button you push and watch some digital thing go up. It just you you need the visceral tactile. I'm turning of the knob. When you drive a car, you need a tachometer with a dialogue that actually goes up before you shift. If it's digital, it doesn't really mean anything. Sure. You need to feel that thing and the knob and the handle. And by the way, the time when we either run out of energy to turn this handle Yes. The hot water on and off or just leave it on and forget about it, f**king put a bullet in my head at that point is what I have to say. I have to say the the volume controls on my Bluetooth speaker. I just got the smaller, Bose Bluetooth speaker, which is just outstanding. But the volume control is a button with a plus and a minus, and it's I was just thinking today how unsatisfying Yes. And you just tap it. Right? Like, there's just Yeah. Well, you have to press. You have to really kind of add some pressure to it, and it's not near I wish there was a dial on there. I love a volume dial. And to add insult, isn't there a little bit of a lag? Like, it takes another hiccup second all in there. And sometimes even a beep that goes over the music that you're trying to listen to. The worst. Now forgive me for not having a life, but that's I deal with this idea with this. We should travel to third world nations and explain to them what pain is. And do what sorrow is. Yeah. The idea that I had to drive to Torrance before I got my first tub of Starbucks. The idea that your Bluetooth takes a manual and not a dial, but a push button volume thing. Hello, New Delhi. You guys know what's your Bluetooth, both speakers? No. Not actual blue teeth. The Bluetooth. Right. I wonder if kids, though, like, new, new kids, will have, these, things like that. How how old is everyone's kids? How how old is, Jason? You have two kids right after you have two One and a half and four, one and a half, four and a half. Minor, eight and six. Oh, right. So they're right in my kids' wheelhouse who just turned, nine, the other Just turned nine. The other week. Yeah. How do they feel about zip lines? Zip you mean, like, ziplines? He has one that loves them and one that doesn't. Oh. I think they love ziplines. Do you have a zipline in your yard? I'll put one up in my backyard for my daughter. And one of them hates it? One of them's scared of it. Uh-huh. Like, the dog is scared of a vacuum cleaner. Like, your boy is scared of it? Pure puss. Wow. All the way. Because I think zip lines are just for a kid, it's just all your prayers answered. My daughter's scared. How are you gonna how are you gonna break it? Uh-huh. I don't you know, my my deal is it's not his thing, and I'm not gonna give him an eating disorder or f**k with his sexuality. Yeah. Right. Because daddy duct taped me Yeah. And then f**king hit me with his flip flop and said, ride it, boy. Yeah. Because that all that's gonna do is get him into something weird sexually later on in life. I know. It's not his deal. It's not his deal. He has other things he enjoys, and that's fine. Daddy's into it. Daughter's into it. Yeah. Fine. I had this I had this moment today, and I don't know if you guys have gotten into this with your kids or not, but, Jason, your kid's a little bit young with Adam. Your your kids are gonna start getting into this right on the cusp of being able to, like, do things. Yeah. Like, my my my wife was laying in bed today, and we're just sitting in there before we came in here. And she just called Sonny from the other room, and he came in, and she walked in, and she said, give me a beer. And he went, okay. And he ran in the kitchen and ran back and handed her Bud Light lime. Yeah. And I thought, finally. Yeah. Some f**king dividends. Yeah. You know? And he had a thing. Finally, this little kid thing is paying off. Yeah. There is a there's a there's your first you you spend the first, like I mean, I know when they grow up on the f**king farm, they're tilling soil at age four and a half. But out here, they're covering bubble wrap from, like, zero to, like, seven and a half or eight. But at some point, when you say to them, go to my car and just get my shoes out of the trunk, and they go do it, you go f**king great. I have a little in indentured servant here Yeah. For, like, the next eight years before they hate my guts. Even, like, little stuff where, like, when I'm leaving the house early in the morning and Sonny's the only one who's up, I'll just say to them, lock daddy out of the house. Like, I don't feel like turning around and locking the door. Just follow me out, give me a kiss, and lock the door. Like, little stuff you can kinda pawn off on them. Right. I can only imagine your reaction the day they're able to be your designated drivers. Oh my god. What a pony keg in the headliner. Sweet 16 to you. So we got this, we got this big my wife ordered this big tub, this big, like, plastic put together sort of, I guess it'd be like a chest to keep all my son's balls as a thousand footballs and basketballs that spread out all over the f**king yard just getting getting getting, hit with the hose and the sprinklers and everything. And I got them all together, and I said we need a big tub. And it's the box came sitting in the driveway. It's it's about six feet long, and it weighs, like, 50 pounds. And I called them both in. I said, you two drag drag the thing Yeah. To the back where the basketball court is and tear it open, then daddy will put it together. And I was like, by any means, you can. And I'm like, if you wanna use a skateboard and put it on the skateboard and try to drag it on the skateboard or whatever it is, just go get it from the front of the driveway to the to the back of the house. And they started to go get it, and my wife went, it's so heavy. They're not and I was like, shush. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys get into that ever? And they're, like, figuring that out. Just let them f**king figure it out. The sun's shining, let them get something out. Well, today, we have family in town because we had the premiere of the overnight last night. And so we had my parents and Naomi's parents and our, Naomi's brother. We had a bunch of people over at the house, and we're all in the backyard. And, and my son, I was trying because I had noticed just recently I can use these kids to grab me stuff. They're just getting to that age. It's amazing. They're no good at, like, six, but by, like, eight Yeah. They start getting if we you can let them do your bidding. Start muling drugs in from Mexico, whatever. So he gets up and is going inside, and I was, still in I was in the swimming pool. And he's running inside, and I thought, well, I can use I can show everyone this new, this new found, skill that my son has and, and kind of show off a little bit. And so I said, hey, Graham. On the way in, would you, grab, like, three towels and bring them right back? And he and he goes, no. And he runs inside. Well, there you go, everybody. I I I gotta tell you, I I don't the more and you guys tell me with your kids, I we watch films of them, films, video of them, you know, at age. Damn film. Whatever game film. Broke down game film, like them in the tub, you know, 13 old or whatever. Their personalities were locked off. I mean, at nine months. She was loud and throwing stuff around and getting in everyone's grill. And he was just sitting there like a lump, you know, being super sweet to everybody. And it's like, this notion that you need to expose them to certain kind of literature Mhmm. Or the arts or or whatever, classical music or whatever we need to expose them, I am starting to think I I mean, I really think you can f**k them up. Like, the die is cast. Don't worry about it. The die is cast. If you would like to molest them, you can f**k them up. But Yeah. But other than that, you pointing them towards sports Yeah. Zip lines or Mozart is not Yeah. Going they they will find it or they won't. Uh-huh. I agree. I feel like all I I'm like, I love music I have in my you know, I've I've just but I would never I just never make my daughter Yeah. Take a lesson. My my attitude I mean, as of right now, I wouldn't. But my attitude is I'll fill the house with musical objects that are inexpensive, that can fall and, you know, she's not afraid to pick up and mess with. If she gets into it and enjoys it, that's all I can do, like, is just have the things I love around. Right. And I do my thing. But I I know exactly what you mean that I feel like I don't wanna push anything on anybody. Yeah. And I feel like they might hate it. Yeah. And or hate you at some point. Yeah. It's that that we tried soccer, we tried baseball, and and, you know, the kids kind of liked it, but they weren't super into it. So it's not like we make them stay in soccer if it's not something they enjoy. There's nothing worse than having to go to soccer practice if you don't wanna be there at all. I remember having to do that. And so we're kind of it's kind of the same thing. Like, here it is, and if you like it, let's do it. But if not, then whatever. This is a good question. Well, go ahead. Sorry. Well, I was just saying the same thing question wise for all you parents. What if your kid really loves something, talks about it all the time because the first one in the car, but they're terrible at it? Oh, yeah. Do you guide them away from it? You let them you let them do it? I know that. I know what you're talking about. Really? Yeah. And what do you do? I don't I I here's the thing. If they're Let them act fine. If they're terrible at it, it will run its course. Yeah. You know what I mean? My my son will come back and announce that he's the fastest kid in his in the third grade, and then my daughter will reel off two names and then a couple of girls' names who are faster. And then he'll he'll explain that, yeah, but, you know, Nancy only has a step on him. And if it's a it's an endurance race, he can take her. Right. And and he's being blinded by her pigtails from behind and things like that. And I just sit there laughing going, look. It's not like he's gonna be delusional and make the the Summer Olympics Yeah. Or be heartbroken and not. It will take its course. He will either get faster or life will let him know gently that track may not be a future in the future for him. Yeah. Your kids sound like they are they very close? Yeah. They they they they are. I mean, they they can't they can't help it because they're twins, and they can't help it because my daughter tries to wrestle Yeah. My son to the ground every every ten minutes. And I just, like they were doing a thing today where they were just chasing each other around the house. It's sort of endlessly. It's always her chasing him, him always being annoyed by her and her energy. And I was just watching it, and every once in a while, she gets him in a bear hug and is, like, trying to pull him down. And he's like, stop it. And I'm like, fight back, Sonny. Fight back. You know? And once in a while, my wife will go like, hey. Knock it off. And I'll go, no. Let him that's this is the freest Yeah. Best in a in a world filled with Internet pornography Yeah. And f**king tablets filled with God knows what and Jesus lasers and s**t. The the this this they're avatars. Yeah. This is the purest form and the oldest form of being a kid. This is what you do as a kid. Absolutely. And it's the it's the one thing that I'm happy to say can't be replaced. Like, there is no technology that exists currently that takes the place of either me throwing the ball the football with my son in the backyard or me taking my daughter and throwing her into the swimming pool. There's nothing that they housing app. They would rather do. Yes. There's no video game. There's no anything on YouTube or iTunes or anything that will replace that. Yeah. Building a fort in the living room with cushions and, and, and blankets Yeah. Is not it's not the same as Minecraft. There's something a little more special. They had the fort last night in, in Sonny's room. And by the way, you know what happens when you become a parent? Oh, yeah. First, you get pissed at your parents. Okay. Mhmm. Secondly, you realize, why was no the answer to almost everything? Like Yeah. My my daughter will announce, we're we're sleeping in the living room tonight. We're building a fort. And I'll just go, get it on, man. And I'll just walk past her into the kitchen. Like, I don't care. Sleep in the living room and build a fort. Why Yeah. Why were our parents like, woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. And then, you know, then my Yeah. My daughter will ask me today at two. Hey. My friend, Cece wants to come over and go swimming with me. Can she come? Yeah. What come over. Go swimming. It's not wasn't like, oh, I need to talk to her parents, or this is a big deal. They're gonna be in the backyard swimming. Like, what do I why was it always everything a big Yeah. Like, if you wanna get something to eat, get something to eat. If you wanna go swim in the pool, go swim in the pool. What Well, Chase's mom was an actress. Was was that a little different when you were growing up just because of the nature of you know what I mean? Like No. I heard no I heard no a lot. Interesting. So not a generational. Yeah. Maybe it is a generational thing. Wait. Is your mom Talia Shire? Yeah. Oh, because my daughter's Natalia. Oh, really? Which I don't know. Is your mom a Natalia? She's just Talia. Her mom's name was Italia, which is Oh, interesting. Which is Italy. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. So or Italia. So she was Talia. Did so did we have and you were, Adam, you're like Santa Cruz. So Yeah. You're probably free and easy over there. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Super free and free and easy. Free to be you and me. You remember that song? Free to be you and me? Did you have a thing? Like, I'd I will say that I'm trying to get to a place where, you know, like, I'm just nervous that my daughter well, I I don't want this to sound wrong, but, like, isn't afraid of me or something. Because, like, I feel like I'll say something to her, and I don't feel coming back from her that she thinks I mean it. And recently, she said something we got this thing, and she said, this is just so this is not good. This I was having such a good day. Now this is the worst day ever. And I felt like I reverted to, like, the high school version of me, and she was, like, she had more power over me. And I I said to her, and then I started laughing at myself, like, if my wife could hear this. I was saying, hey. I'm a pretty cool guy. Yeah. I said, I'm a pretty cool guy. Alright? And, really, what I'm saying is just get to know me and just don't be so mean to me. Alright? And, and I walked away. I was thinking that's not the right I gotta come up with a new Way to lay the hammer down. Yeah. I'm a pretty cool guy. It's like, one of the worst, like, you can't that's, every moment counts. Oh, man. And I'm not I'm not laying I'm not doing the I'm not building a foundation yet. But because I remember, like, my dad, like, my bedroom was underneath his room and he was the best dad ever and, sweet and amazing. But if I was in trouble, like, I don't know if you guys ever had this, but my dad would just, like, open the door. Like, if I was really loud with my friends, I'd be like, you guys, you're too loud. Yeah. Sound travels in this house. You don't know. Like, it doesn't travel. It travels. Yeah. And then, like, then all I would know is, like, ten minutes later, the door would open. My dad would just walk in, like, in his underwear and just go and just walk back up. Oh, no. He was disappointed in you. I was like and just, like, not, like, disappointed. Just, like, just don't do just turn off and go to bed. Like, it's too loud. And I'd say, see? You guys You guys. And I and and I but looking back, I'm like, that's amazing. He never raised his voice. Yeah. I wasn't afraid. He just He was I was about to When he brought the heat I mean, when I knew I was wrong, I I knew. You have to be wired as you are as a sensitive artist Mhmm. Because the head shake when you're a rambunctious a*****e Mhmm. Doesn't is not that effective. Yeah. You know what I mean? Case in point today, it got me. It would get me. Asking my son You you absorb things. Oh, I and I felt it deeply. Me asking my son to get some f**king towels, and he says no and then just walks inside. I know. Well, that's why you need I'll I'll give you this advice. Have a you gotta have your dad voice. Yeah. Right. You have to have your dad voice kind of Yeah. Holstered. And just every once in a while with that, like, hey. Hey. And and three times a year, I give, mostly my daughter the, hey. Your mom's nice. Yeah. I'm not. Yeah. So listen to me. Yeah. She's a sweet one. Right. I'm not. Yeah. So don't start pushing on me. Yeah. Because you're dealing with a different person over here. I'll f**k your s**t up. f**k your s**t up. I before I get stuck in the fluid in the chimney, before I surprise you Yeah. Before I get stuck in the floor of the chimney, before I surprise you ever. My rotting corpse coming from the firebox in that living room. Before that, I will f**k your s**t up. Hey. That's what you gotta have. That's it. It's just that one, you know, that good Amazing. The good sound. It it shouldn't even be a voice. It's be, hey. That that you stop them in their track. It's primal. It's a guttural. Yeah. Yeah. And, when Adam gets the, you know, when you get the, hey, screw you with the with the towels Yeah. That's when you give the, hey. Turn it around. My wife's from Alabama, and, she has two two brothers. And between the two brothers, they've got seven kids. And those kids, like, it's like, it's amazing what the respect they'll say. Yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, ma'am. And Where do they live? Alabama. It's amazing. And, you'll say, can you get this from me? Yes, sir. To the point where I say to them, like, they'll I said, how was your baseball game, sir? Like, that's how they say what? And I say, I said, how was your baseball game? Sir? And I say, you don't have to god, just call me Jason. I'm from LA. He doesn't say to come. And I just how's your baseball game? Are they adorable comic strip orphans? They're just amazing to say yes. It's amazing. Why do your kids ever do this? I'm I gotta do this one. I gotta ask you this one because my kids will do this one every once in a while, and you'll have to catch yourself. Like, you'll just be sitting on the sofa with them, and my daughter will be like, hey. Can you get me a juice box? And I'll be like, it's not like I'm in the kitchen Yeah. Alphabetizing the juice juice boxes. I'm sitting next to her, and she'll go, hey. Can you get the remote? And I'll just just look at her and go, you go get the remote. Like, it's really, like, oh, it was worth a try. You say you say, hey. Hey. You get the remote. Hey. Or you're sitting on the couch watching a movie, and they're opening up a a a, a piece of candy or a cookie or something, and they put it in their mouth, and they just hand you the wrapper as they're watching this as if you are a receptacle and you have immediate access. That's so funny. It's gonna be so weird. Our society, I'm sure, is gonna be doomed in about twenty years when our kids are in charge. And they're walking and they're standing in their office building, and it's like, there's no give to this floor because they're used to growing up in a bouncy castle. I know. Right? They're currently kicking their shoes off before they enter the office. Bouncing across this floor. Yeah. That wall hurts. Yeah. An apocalyptic scenario. Somebody should really do something about this. Alright. We'll do some news. You guys wanna hang out and do a little news? The overnight, by the way, as I've, said before, in selected theaters, June 19, I think what people can do is go to the overnightnight-movie.com, see a really fun movie, and, get a nice tour of my house Yeah. If, if you'd like. Nice. How long did that take you to put together that whole house? That house was a house I looked at as I was driving to Jimmy Kimmel's old house when I used to live across it in Beechwood Canyon. And every time I drove to Jimmy's house, I would look at that house Yeah. And I would just go as a guy who was a builder, I would go, that place has bones, man. Yeah. And I can tell it's kinda falling apart, but it it had bones. So it's just going the back way up to Beachwood, you would see it or coming back? Coming coming from Beachwood. Yeah. I would see it. And so I would just always thought, man, that place has bones. And Do you mean bones, like, in the just the the design of it had enough that you could make something out of it that you liked? Or bones meaning not even aesthetically bones, just it looked like a place that was strong that you could build on. I know. I knew there was something going on, artistically, aesthetically, and whatever Eve from that house knowing that when what about what time, what year it was built, and what was going on. I just knew it. I knew there was something really good about that place. Now it turns out that house has, like, hand carved beams and frescoes and all sorts of really cool stuff and turned to a a major major, like, year and a half renovation. And, my wife got pissed off because I bought it, and I didn't tell her. Wow. Really? But I was like, look. I'm gonna do all the work, and I'm gonna pay for it. And then when it's done, we'll move in. So, you know, this is gonna be a win win for you. And I literally was driving to Jimmy's house one day, and there was a for sale sign as I was driving to Jimmy's house. And I just said, I I need it. I want it. And, you literally bought pulled in right then and there and did it? I literally just bought it just, like, that day almost. And, then spent the next, like, year and a half working on it day and night and sort of putting every little piece of the puzzle back together because it I I wanna I was insanely meticulous. And what had happened in that house, it was a show house. And, it it had a name, and it was one of the first houses built up there. What's a show house? Well, somebody had built it as like a is is they they were trying to develop that whole area, and they built it as a model, like a model. Here's what you could have. You know? And it had a bunch of really nice wall sconces and fixtures and things, and the people who'd owned the house sold it all off. So all the fixtures and all the wall sconces and everything Oh, wow. Was all gone, and there's, like, light bulbs hanging from the ceiling. And the wall sconces were turned out there was about 95 of them, all got just plastered over. So I had Jesus. It was major. I mean, everyone who walked into that place when I was tearing it apart would just look at it and go, what the f**k is going on in there? Like, you're an idiot. And, I but I knew what I knew because I'd done it for so long, and I just I just I just tore into it. And How did you know all that stuff? Were there photos of how it looked originally or something? I I was able to find, like, some old archival photos. I noticed when I was scraping, the the ceiling where the fresco was in the and it's, like, in the plaster, was painted over white. I remember talking to They painted over those frescoes. Frescos. They painted over the hand carved everything inside, outside. Everything was painted orange or white. The whole front door, which is my favorite part of the house Yeah. Was painted orange. I had to I had to bring it to a place in Sun Valley and have it dipped in acid and and then scrape the whole thing like dental instruments was crazy. And what oh, by the way, the house is in Roadheart. It's in my movie as well. That's your movie. If you want it's my agent's house if you wanna see the front door featured in that movie. But, also, Katie Kimmel, Jimmy's daughter, was friends with, like, the kid who lived there and used to go in there. And I'd, like, pick her brain, like, what's going on in the ceiling and entry and stuff like that. So I was able to cobble together some information from her. What year was the house built? 1929. Wow. Nineteen twenty nine. It's a really, really cool house. There's the, there's the front door, by the way, if, if you wanna see it. Anyway, you can see, you can see Road Harder. You can see the overnight. Wouldn't that have you? If you were to get a place, is it ever like, would you you would it would be unappealing to you to buy any place that didn't need you to work on it because you enjoyed working on it. Right? Like, is it would it be unenjoyable to buy something that was just beautifully done and executed before you that all you had to do was just move in? Nothing for me is gonna be completely turnkey. I don't think. Right. But I've just had this, epiphany this morning, which was, I said, I got my first house was from 1923, total gut job. Second house is from 1929, and now, 1919 and at more work and whatever. I said, next house, ground up, full envelope house. Yeah. Envelope house sealed. Everything triple glazed from Germany, completely air handler that just exchanges. No zones of climate or anything. Yeah. Everything just comp no dust. No spiderwebs, cobwebs, no nothing. Just full modern solar, dig a well, thermal, geothermal, just whole state of the art water recovery, like full blown glass that, you know, you hit a button and it turns dark at night and turn you know, lets the light through. Like, I'm going full ground up, f**king modern state of the art bonsai. Yeah. The the 1920 s**t is is cool, but living in a house like that is kinda like driving, you know, a '55 Chevy. Like, it's kinda cool when you pull up at the Bob's Big Boy, but it's not cool Monday morning. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a bummer Monday morning. It is. It is. And then I'm just going full ground up, full state of the art, full everything. Do you know all about that stuff? Like, who how do you learn that stuff? I interviewed a a guy on, Ace on the House, a show we do here Yeah. Yeah. About what an what an envelope house is, which I never really thought about it, which is traditional building, your attic is vented. So there's vents, and there's vents in the dormers. There's vents in the eaves. There's a ridge vent along the top. It's vented. Yeah. And along underneath the house, it's vented as well. The crawl space, you see the screen under there. So I said, well, first off, think about that. Like, when when you and your house is vented. But you think about your car. Your car, you shut the doors, and it's, like, airtight, and then you turn the air or the heat on, and it's much more efficient. Yeah. So you think about your house during the summer. You're running the air conditioning in the space, but the hat above it is a 20 degrees of hot air up there. Why isn't that sealed? Mhmm. What why is underneath it Yeah. Freezing in the in the winter, but you're running heat and the and the air is the cold air is coming in and you feel the ceiling and it's cold in your floor, whatever. Paradigm shift. Go with the full envelope. Yeah. So the deal with these houses is the first thing you do is you figure out what direction should the house face depending on where you are in relationship to the Equator. If you're in a cold weather sun is? Warm weather. In or something? Well, if you're in a place like Phoenix, we're gonna worry we're gonna focus on coolness. Okay. If we're in a place back east, we're gonna worry about being warm. Yeah. So how do we situate the house to maximize the sun and the day and all that? Like, don't just face it at the street. That's just something the man figured out. You may face it Okay. A different direction. So let's face it the first the right direction. Secondly, everything in that house is wrapped in, like, airtight. That house, when you shut the door, is sealed and the attic and the crawl space or basement. Everything. There's no punctures in the envelope. And then what you have is an air exchanger that's constantly scrubbing the air. It's constantly, you know, 71 degrees. There's no zones. Like, well, it's freezing in the living room, but it's hot, and the master sleeps. It's like a high end casino. Turn the air on. Yeah. High end casino. Never sleep. And I said to the guy, well, what about, like, when you go to the bathroom? Like, there's gotta be the fart fan. Right? Like, what about, you know, you're taking a hot shower stove. Steaming up. It's steam you know, that's gonna steam up the the mirror. And they said, the air's exchange. It's such an incredible volume that you can go in the bathroom, s**t it up, and take a hot shower. Nothing ever steams up or gets stunk up. And it's a constant just whatever temperature you want it, winter, summer, doesn't matter. He said he has one. He said, during the winter, his kids eat eat at the dinner table with their shirts off. Oh. I I and I started I started to think about it. Yeah. Why are our houses so open? The draft always blowing through. You can see the light coming through the crack and the whatever. You buy triple glazed windows, three panes of glass with, like, argon gas between. Everything comes from Germany. And when you shut that door, man There is. The house is completely sealed. Is that a safety issue with, like, carbon monoxide, though, or with from the stove's on the glass? Whatever it is. Not with the air exchange. Whatever. If it comes out of Germany, they figured it out. Good point. Yeah. And they exchange the air constantly. And, yeah, all the dust, all those cobwebs, all the stuff, all gone. All scrub I wonder where the AC is though. Is it I can't be outside then. It has to be in your house somewhere? No. It's all out. It's all outside. It's just it's just basically you just you just realize we're living in the same house as our parents and our grandparents lived in minus a couple of your family. Yeah. Things have changed. What you what what we've done is we've brought in a bunch of high-tech TV sets and Blu Ray, this and that, but the house is the same. Yeah. She lives on the roof. Love sealing the house up and just having the AC on and feeling like I'm living in, like, a a hotel lobby. I wanna I wanna Yeah. I like that. Easy. And by the way, using just, like, a tenth the energy it takes because you're not Nothing. Fighting constantly. We have terrible insulation right now. It's such a bummer. That is the next that is the next one. Steel studs, no wood anywhere. The walls are, like, 16 inches thick, huge r value, and then house is completely wrapped, everything. You know, I just had a guy come to my house and do an energy audit, which is a yeah. It's amazing. Like, tell you, like, where your house is with the whole thing. Your house is? Yeah. And what how how did you go? Some better than I thought, but some stuff's not efficient. You know, like, certain things were not I failed Yeah. Miserably. Yeah. I don't feel like that's I feel like that and the nutritionist going through your pantry is never going to Yeah. Run. You're not gonna walk out with that. Yeah. You're not gonna get a high five. Good news. No good. I just wanna say before we close out about your house, if you wanna see Adam's house, if you wanna see disgusting, naughty things happening in Adam's house, the overnight is the movie. That that is the place. That's right. And Taylor Schilling, by the way. Right? Taylor Schilling. Yeah. From Orange is New Black. Amazing. Piper. She's good. She's great. Everyone in the movie is great. Castor oil, baby. That's what's great. They got new oil. Intelligent molecules. I'm gonna put this in my super envelope house. Yeah. I'm gonna pour myself a bath of casserole oil. On casserole oil. I'll why not bathe synthetically? 75% engine wear. When does it occur? During startup, and that goes for at least twenty minutes. So let's get it figured out. Let's go with Castrol. GTX MagneTech clings to the critical engine parts even when your engine is turned off so you don't have to pump it all up from the pan. It's already on the good stuff. It doesn't get worn down. Available at Walmart, AutoZone, and quick lube centers. It is Castrol. It is Castrol GTX Magnetek. Yes, Paul Bryan. Before we get to news, can I hit Jason with a little bit of trivia about his mom? He probably doesn't know. Yeah. Or you may know this. There's a handful of actors, ten or 12 or whatever, who've played the same role in three different movies. Like, Harrison Ford was Han Solo in three different movies. He was also Indiana Jones in three different movies. That's a rare thing. Only one actress. Oh. In the Rocky movies and in the Godfather movies. No way. So two different. Yeah. Two different franchises. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. You know, Steven McKellen was, you know, in, the X Men movies. He was also in Korea. That's cool. Lord of the Rings movies. Well, look at me, you nerds. I know. I've been f**king nerd off over there a while. But Talia Shattari is the only actress. That's cool. Yeah. Those are great trilogies too. Indeed. Alright. Should we do a little, news? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. The news with Gina Grad. Well, news outlets and social media have spent the better part of the weekend talking about Rachel Dozle. She's the president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP who claims not only to be African American and have two African American sons, but also claims to be the victim of eight hate crimes. The only hole in her claim is that her two white parents went to the media last week saying Rachel is 100% Caucasian, and they quote, do not understand why she feels, it's necessary to misrepresent her ethnicity. Her parents go on to say that Rachel began disguising herself in 02/2007, and she no longer speaks to her parents because they will, quote, ruin her image. But wait, there's more. The news was tipped off when she pronounced ask ask. That's when some of the local news people are Those are good. Called a tell. Yes. The antenna went moving in. Yes. Well, meanwhile, those two adopted sons that she claims to have, her parents say they adopted the boys, and they're Rachel's brothers, not her kids. This is why I'm not gonna force my daughter to do anything she doesn't wanna do. I don't understand. Life of this. This story. It's it's Well, we were saying it's been going on since Thursday night. Most of the stuff I complain about takes up a year to eighteen months to transpire. This happened days after we were talking about the whole Caitlyn Jenner thing. That may have been me. But, yeah, I know what you're saying. Oh, you're giving credit for this I was getting a lot of Twitter credit. Yeah. Oh, he was? Yeah. I was. Lot of It was you? It was me. Do you wanna see a couple of Oh, alright. We probably have the same thought. I verbalize. We probably have the same thought. I'm sorry. So I have a couple of clips. The first one, she claims that a man believed to be an NAACP volunteer is her father. Mhmm. Yeah. That's that's my dad. This man right here is your father? We're so out of news. Right there? Do you have a question about that? Yes, ma'am. I was wondering if, if your dad really is an African American man. That's a very I mean, I don't I don't know what you're implying. Are you African American? I don't I don't understand the question of I did tell you that, yes, that's my dad, and he was unable to come in January. Are your parents Uh-uh. Are they white? I already I already Yeah. Alright. What was that interview? Was that she Well, she Is that a surprise? Or She said she's been She seems so still. It looked like it was like an interview. Well, the first six or so minutes is her talking about all these really horrible, horrific hate crimes that she claims have been per perpetrated on her and her children that now sleep in her bed because they're terrified and they're 13 years old. And people are sending her flyers with pictures of people, you know, swinging in trees and just really horrible stuff. People that are, you know, in nooses and all this stuff, and nobody can find any credibility to back up any of these. Oh, so she started it with this. She went to the NAACP with these complaints. She's She heads up the chapter and spoke there. Can. So she said she there's an Instagram picture or a picture of her with the hair saying I decided to go natural. There's other pictures of her with long, blonde, beautiful, you know, Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder hair from when she was Oh, she was with the the pictures of her when she was in junior high or whatever are very hokey a*s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For lack of a bit. Yeah. Weird. So people are really, really gravitating to the story, and I think now all the comparisons between Caitlyn and Jamie people care, though. Exactly. I think because she lied. A white person could lead an n c double Exactly. NAACP chapter. The n double a c p is gonna give, a statement tonight and see if she's still allowed to, you know, hold this post because she's been lying for so long. I feel like now we're even for Michael Jackson. You think this evens evens the score? I think we're even It goes the other way. Yeah. We got one. We lost one. What a confusion. I can't wait until we you know, they do those things where they go, like, Time magazine says, like, in 02/1950, this is what the world would look like, and there's just sort of one tan person with one blue eye. Right. Right. Right. With semi kinky hair, but not a full brow. Future people. I that's a term, by the way. I cannot wait until we're all just that so we can get the f**k on with our lives. Right. Right. It's gonna be so awesome. It's just gonna even out like spreading butter across bread. Everybody will be insane. Everyone will just be that, and then whatever else then whatever happens to you in life, good or bad, you will not be able to blame it on anything because everyone will be exactly the same. And then Utopian will be. That's true. Character from The Matrix on the right. The Matrix on the right. She looks like fly girl from In Living Color. Yeah. You know what I think? I think that, sort of in an Eddie Murphy esque skit. I I would challenge all my black friends. There's the one cameraman for my show, Marshall. All your black friend? Mhmm. I know him as Ralo, but I don't know what his real name is. But, anyway, I'd like to them all for all of them to walk around in, my white loafers for one year just to realize what actual dicks most people are. And it's not racism. It's that there's just a bunch of f**king a*****es everywhere that I run into on a almost daily basis, which I would almost always think was racism if I was anything other than No. Me. Alright. Anyway Well, would you like to hear more news that isn't news, but it's what everyone's talking about? Sure. Alright. Yeah. I love that. That's how that's how that's the first thing I say to my wife when we sit down to do it. Well, the man who became the Internet's newest viral sensation is now in police custody. On Monday, Courtney Barnes was on his way to get a, quote, piece of burger from Burger King when he claims to have witnessed a crash involving police officers. His excited account of the accident went viral Wednesday last Wednesday, helping authorities ID him as a serial shoplifter around Ridgeland, Mississippi. Barnes, who I also, by the way, think was a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance, will return to Ridgeland in two weeks for a court appearance. This is the clip that everybody's talking about. I haven't heard about it yet. Dude. Right? Yes. Oh, boy. Things are getting confusing. Just look at me. What what what you see? Okay. Well, I'm a witness here. What I see was a horrible tragic situation. The guy was coming down, and I guess the police was trying to do a stop point. The man said, no. Not today. And they begin to race behind each other like cats and dogs. The police officer got behind the man and started going so fast his c**k spit out of control. Girl, he hit the pole. His head went to one side and his body went to the other side, and this is the result. Lord be with this young man. He need a blessing. So what did you where were you when this happened? Well, ma'am, I was actually going to buy me a piece of, burger from Burger King, and I just stopped right in the middle because my hunger just went away. Because when I seen that accident, girl, I just begin to be nosy, and I just had to just understand that somebody was experiencing this difficulty moment that was just not ma'am, I just cannot bear to continue to talk because it's just y'all what you saw? Did the police who did that? What I seen was that the, police officer, the police officer I got it. So what happened? There's a tornado analogy to that. Oh, tornado? Well, look. For those who are listening, picture Nancy Grace. Yeah. Here's what we just saw. Yeah. So now go back and tell me the story again based on that. So now they're like, wait a second. No. Not at all. These are both confusing in stories. The police said, wait a second. That looks like somebody who is on a bunch of surveillance videos shoplifting around town. He Ah. Yeah. So now he's become the story, and, of course, he's been remixed about four times a year. Have had this thought, but I between the chick that's, black and used to be white and, you know, Caitlyn Jenner and this and everything that's going on, I once in a while for, like, a moment, I think to myself, what what how am I gonna explain some this to my kids? Like, how the the the white girl who becomes the black girl or the the the man that becomes the woman. At certain point, I just and I just thought to myself that they, oh, f**k it. It's just on. Like, they're living in a world where it's just it's so on that we're not gonna have to sit down. I'll figure it out. There was like, when I was a kid, gay was a novelty, you know. So it's like at some point, someone had to say, you know, there are certain men who Right. Like other men, like mommy and and daddy. Like, you know, there's no I I realize it's so ubiquitous now. We don't have to have the conversation Right. Or the explanation. I mean, it's so the other night, we were playing the board game real life, the board game. Oh, great. And you have to and at a certain point in life, have you played with kids? Mhmm. At a certain point With the little pegs? The little pegs and you get married. The pink one or a blue one. Yeah. If you married a man, it's blue. If you married a girl, it's pink. And my son had to choose pink or blue for man or woman. And and he's like, I don't want pink. Can I just be gay? Absolutely. He's eight years old. No. Go for it. Yeah. Yeah. You just be gay. Yeah. Like, it it's so in the vernacular and kids are just just growing up in a completely different world. I think it's great. Cool. I'm like I had I've when my daughter was four and a half, she said, I want Katy Perry as my mom. And I was like, I'm with you. Sounds good. Let's let's let's try it out for a long weekend, see how it goes, and then, you know, we'll see if we can get our deposit back. Just kinda know if we're gonna get our cleaning deposit back, but I said, yeah. Okay. But I'm trying to be, like, a dad for ten seconds, and I went, well, yeah. Right. But what about mommy? I mean Right. You can't have, two mommies, can you? And she's like, Dakota has two mommies? And I'm like, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm having a conversation from Yeah. Fifty years ago. Right. She's having one from now. Right. And now so but I realized she's now nine, and I don't have to have discussion with her because she grew up with Dakota with two mice. So there's not gonna be any Well, no. Dakota took care of that. First of all, she grew up with a friend named Dakota, which is Right. Very, very much 02/2015. We don't have to I'm I'm just gonna say whatever comes up, birds or bees or gay or lesbian. I just I don't know. It doesn't just be Google that s**t. Yeah. Only in the next room. It's all out there. Give mommy a beer and Google that s**t. Yeah. It's your next parenting box. Google that s**t. Google that s**t. Go to the fort. Yeah. Go to the fort and Google that s**t. Bring the thing in. Put the balls in it. Go to the fort. I'll meet you there. Alright. SimpliSafe, boy. Smart home security. You guys gotta have a home security system. Yeah. Aggressive sales guys. Hardwired system. They're drilling everything. Oh, no. No. No. This is easy, actually. You go online. Let's say, you got an apartment. You want a security system, but you don't wanna pull all the wires and drill all the stuff and pull the stuff in the crawl space and underpinning and all that kind of stuff. SimpliSafe. It all just sticks on with, like, this double back three m tape. You put it wherever you want. Get as many sensors as you want. Gary, you got something to say? Yeah. The best part is you just take that stuff with you when you go. So when you go to your next apartment that's right. When you and Katie move into your new apartment with your daughter, Natalia, you bring it with you. Around the clock protection, just $15 a month, no contracts, and, easy to install. Just takes twenty minutes. SimpliSafe adam dot com. Get 10% off at simplysafe.com, adam. Alright. Let's do one more. Alright. Well, a stage jump gone wrong at a Foo Fighters show in Sweden on Friday. It left David Groll with a serious leg injury according to TMZ. David? I you know what? I felt formal all of a sudden. I like I did call you mister Schwartzman or I. I enjoy I I know what you're doing. Apparently, this singer fell while performing the band's '97 hit song, Monkey Wrench, and then returned to the stage after seeking some very quick medical attention to sing, Queen and David Bowie's hit, Under Pressure. Wow. Here's a clip of Grohl sitting and singing after the accident, which goes into him promising to come back real soon. I think I just broke my leg. I think I really broke my leg. So look, you have my promise right now that the Foo Fighters, we're gonna come back and finish the show. But right now, you gotta do you gotta do second battle right now. You gotta do it. Can you do it? Okay. How how far into that are they? Let me tell you. Right now. I'm a go to hospital. Where is he right now? In Sweden. He's on he's on stage. Is he sitting there? Yeah. He's laying down. Is that right where he fell? Fell? Mhmm. It's amazing that his adrenaline is going crazy right now. It's amazing that he knew he broke his lip. Yeah. Alright. Couple things. First off, Pat Smear plays guitar, emails me all the time. Love that motherf**ker because whenever he travels, he downloads all my books. He watched a Paul Newman documentary, The Roadheart. And also he watches everything because he's trapped on a plane or whatever, and he just travels with me. But, Dave Grohl, here's the problem. He rocks so f**king hard, but he's knocking on 50. And we we You're gonna break your legs. Right. You realize, like, when you're playing, like, pickup basketball and you're a little bit older, there's a kind of a you're not diving for balls anymore. You're kinda doing a half speed, whatever. You're not doing what you do. You don't do anything. You don't you don't do anything. You don't f**k like you used to. You don't dance like you used to. You don't shoot hoop. Like, you don't do anything. You sure as s**t don't stage dive like you used to. When you're on stage and you're f**king in front of 90,000 people and you're rocking that hard, it doesn't matter how old you are. You have to rock. Right. It takes over your body. Yeah. So when you're doing the dive, it's 22 year old Dave Grohl who's diving into that, not 49 year old Dave Grohl who's diving into the pit. And he's gonna bust his s**t up. And can I say this? Can we do something with these stages? Because I feel like The edge just fell off. Everybody the edge everybody is falling off stages because you have to, because it is they're all painted flat black. Yeah. The the you have a light in your eye Yeah. And the audience goes on for infinity and so does the stage. And nobody wants to no one can rock or tell jokes and look down. And no one's it seems like a lot of these stages know there's no audience for at least 15 to 20 feet. Like, there's a gutter for security people, so you're falling into nothing. It's really weird. We don't wanna catch you. It's it must be so weird to play one of those shows where the audience is, like, where the wall is. Mhmm. Yeah. Well, at those big arena and stadium shows, that's how much space it is, isn't it? It's weird that there's in a world filled with you know, that we've covered in Nerf foam, that the one place that still sort of remains is the stage where the guys who put on the tours that raised $200,000,000 Mhmm. Are able to fall off them and be out of commission for five weeks. Yeah. This just seems like like one guy would go, maybe we should be You guys are valuable asset. Suggest? What what what would you do? I say you get those things from airplanes that no one ever uses, which is the inflatable Yep. Slide Yeah. Yeah. That, you comically are asked to leap before you land on those. So it looks like everyone's going wee and having a good time on those things. You take those, the company that manufactures those, and you just put them around the base of the stage. So that if Bono or Edge or Dave Grohl or whoever, and it's been a lot of people falling off stages lately Yeah. You just bounce back up again. Just slide around down? Yeah. And I I don't know what's more dangerous. That or the guy who takes the microphone stand and just starts swinging around. Did it be lost? Yeah. Like, yeah. That's a good idea. Let's take the sharp metallic thing with all the pointy edges on it and take the six year old dude and just have him spin it over his head endlessly on the on the small stage with the guy playing the bass not looking at you and backing toward you. How about that footage of Chris Novoselic Oh, yeah. Nirvana in, like, '92 or '93 throwing the bass up at the MTV Awards, and it just comes down and hits him right in the right. Hit him right in the head. Yes. I can never I can't You can't unsee the Or Enrique Iglesias. He's got his hand, you know, and I got his drone. A guy today he tried to He, like He grabbed a drone. He grabbed a drone out of the air on stage. But it's part of his show is, like, he, like, looks at the drone and plays with it. What? And but then he got hammered by it. He sliced his hand? Yeah. Right open. Yeah. Right here. Footage of it? Yeah. Oh, boy. Another thing that's crazy that I just saw that's horrific and sad to talk about, but part of the conversation is this guy from, the band what are they called? Five Seconds to Summer or something? Yeah. Oh, fifty sec yeah. The burn. Yeah. Yeah. Guy walked a young kid, like, walked, he walked. He was on stage playing guitar. He walked up onto a pyrotechnic thing and Oh, just blasted up. Yeah. Like like like Metallica. Yeah. James Enfields. What, what band was it that lit up the little club and Oh, Great White? Great white. Oh, white. Yeah. Yeah. Great white. Yeah. It was the most that's Horrible strategy. Well, also, we gotta see this is gonna happen. Right? Like, when the the idea is, hey. On stage, you're gonna be these pods that shoot fire that are gonna go off sort of randomly. And then your job is rock out as much as you can, but watch out where these things are. And still pack it up and go to a new city, and you'll be super drunk before you go out there. I mean, it's like, of course, this is gonna happen all the time. Water. Can they do it with water? Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. Water is a blow idea. Yeah. Can can can you move on? About confetti for me. The great Rick Taylor got along very nicely on nothing but confetti. Thank you very much. And a lot of personality. And a lot of personality and a hell of a mustache for many years. Yeah. Very a problem. Very a problem. Alright. Let's bring it home. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. Great news. Right and good. Gina, Gina. Thank you, mister Schwartz. You go, Gina. Thank you, missus Gina. Dollar Shave Club. Hey. Did we, Gary, for, take a knee. Is that coming up? Where are we? Out now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Came out today. The, Michael Dubin. Yeah. Michael Dubin. The guy who started, Dollar Shave Club was on my sort of inspirational Dubin. I think I might have misspoke. No. I think it's Dubin. Yeah. Really cool guy. Interesting guy. God, you just realize when you have a motor and and when you talk about your kids, like, oh, man. We gotta expose them to this or we gotta they gotta learn this or, you know, to go to the right, whatever, or they can have a motor. And it's like when they have a motor, that's it. Just sit back. Just figure out they gotta figure out what direction to point their engine, but then it's done. Yeah. This guy, Michael Dubin, Dollar Shave Club, I mean, this guy was a page at NBC. Mhmm. This guy this guy just went through life just just going nuts and now Dollar Shave Club. He started Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club. Yes. Mhmm. Three great razors. They got the, two blade, they got the four blade, and they got the six blade. I just used it tonight, actually. You get your first box in about a week. You get the you get the handle, and then the cartridges just keep coming. I just replaced mine tonight. I actually did. And I was like, good. Never have to think about this again. Never. And especially in LA when you have to go find the guy with the keys to let them work. Do that? I don't know. I think junk I you know why they do it? Because anything that is small enough to palm Yeah. But cost $14 is locked up in a shark cage. Yeah. Because it's not like the ray the razors are they're all safety razors, so it's not like you could go up and slash No. No. It's not a danger thing. It's junkies steal it. And then I imagine. Like, what do they do with them? Well, when you I don't know, but these are all things you would never see in Montana. Yeah. This is an LA thing. I don't know. It was a TV only an LA thing? Well, it's a, sadly, it's spread out, but but it's like it's the barbed wire around the freeway sign. So it's not you don't see it in Montana. But it's it's also it's inordinately expensive for racing. Yes. Yes. That's why Dollar Shave Club. You do it. It costs a couple bucks a month, and that's it. DollarShaveClub.com makes a great Father's Day gift. And good. Get it for your dad, then he never has to buy them again and get it for yourself. Type in, Adam. Dollar Shave Club.com/ Adam. Let him know you got it here. And listen to the, Take and Eat them because the guy's inspirational. Yes. Speaking of that, do you guys know that in other parts of the country, you don't have to pay for your gas before you pump it? I grew up my entire life in Kansas. Know that. You pump it, you go, oh, this is what I spent. I shall go in and pay. Really? Still? I I haven't been back in a while, but I'd like to think so. I was just in Cleveland, and I had to pay before I Oh, well, that's fine. Yeah. The, it it does let you know where you're living or what kind of community you're living in why by whether you need to pay first Mhmm. And how thick the lucite glass is, the bulletproof gla*s. Like, when that person Yeah. Is locked up in a a terrarium that's bulletproof and they shove drawers out at you With the yellowed lucite that's been there for a while. And everything is that everything says stainless steel box that just comes out. It's kind of like they would do in prison. Like, I think Hannibal Lecter had canteen. Yeah. Hannibal Lecter had the box set up that the LA uses at death station. Popeye's chicken. Awesome. Alright. The, Us, Hollywood Improv, coming up, Thursday. Liza, Slessinger will be with us. Vegas doing shows in London. All stuff, coming up. You can, watch my movies. You can watch, Adam and Jason's movie, The Overnight, select theaters. That is June 19. So that's coming up this Friday and then it'll spread out. And if you're somewhere like the aforementioned Kansas and you're waiting for it to come to your town, go to the overnight-movie.com and figure and look for your city and find out when it's coming to you guys. Mazel Tov, guys. Great day. Thank you so much, Adam. Thanks, you guys. So until next time, Adam Carolla. For, Adam Scott, Jason Schwartzman, Gina Granville, Brian Sand. Mahalo. I will f**k your s**t up. Uh-huh. Hey. Alright. Those are the guys from the overnight movie that rented Adam's House from Adam and Kula Show 1594 in 2015. That does the Frase Kroll Classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for our final episode this weekend. Until then, mahalo and get it on.