Transcript
My ex had actually been in my email and was able to see all of my correspondence with the DEA. All of my correspondence with the attorney, which means that when he was working with his attorney, he already knew what was coming through the pipeline. He was already able to build his own story, and he was monitoring literally everything that I was doing on. I'm Jamie Beebe, an object of Tula, on today's episode of Strictly Stalking, we're speaking with Olivia, who was stalked by an ex-fiancee after meeting at an event. Olivia started dating a man who tracked her movements, called her obsessively and showed up uninvited when she went out. But she mistook the red flags for devotion. They moved in together and things escalated into abuse, and he continued to stalk her and threatened to kill her. When Olivia left her soccer, she got a restraining order, but he hacked her emails and social media anyway and monitored her messages from the district attorney. Police and attorneys Olivia, thank you for joining us today. Thank you for having me. Why don't you tell us a little bit about where you grew up? So my name is Olivia Angstrom. I'm twenty four years old and I grew up in Caribou, Maine. If it sounds remote, that's because it is. I am from the middle of nowhere. Tiptop of Maine. But they like to call us the potato pickers. That's kind of what we were known for. I was two and a half hours to get to a mall sort of thing. But then I moved to southern Maine and have been here ever since. What was high school like for you? You know, high school was interesting. I grew up in an abusive household, and so my my high school years were difficult because I wasn't really allowed to go out and do things. My stepfather never really allowed me to leave. I was always kind of in my bedroom. So I was kind of the weird kid in school. I didn't have a lot of friends and I did, you know, some time and did sports like that. But again, it was nothing too memorable, to be honest with you. I didn't go to school dances. I went to my prom for about 30 minutes and left, and kids were really mean. Kids are very mean. They have no idea that, you know, the kid who doesn't have the nice clothes or may not be super social or, you know, maybe more reserved might have something going on at home. And so I had a really rough high school and then I got out of high school. I went to college and it's kind of funny going seeing how all those kids who bullied me in school are now people who follow me on social media and are so nice to me. And you know, it looks like we all kind of grew up a little bit, but high school was rough. How did things change after you left high school? When I was 18, I ended up moving to southern Maine, to go to school, to go to college, and I always knew or felt like something wasn't right when I say I was in an abusive household. I didn't really realize that I was experiencing abused as a child. I really thought that I was just a bad kid and that I could never do anything right. And if I just did this better, just did that better than I would be deserving of love. And so when I turned 18 and moved down to college and started working at a credit union, I ended up oddly enough making friends and my friends were typically older than me and had kids themselves. And I would share stories about things that happened in my childhood and not because, you know, I thought that they were bad, but because I would just be like, Hey, this is kind of funny, and I share a story and people would. Look kind of be taken back and say, wow, that was very abusive or that's not really funny, I can't believe your mom or your father did that. And when I would really struggle financially because I was living on my own in southern Maine, going through college, my mom wasn't really there for me, and I had realized in that moment that I was definitely something wasn't right and my childhood was right and that it was likely abusive. And so I actually ended up cutting ties and pretty much just going through college on my own with my friends who really became my family. And they are to this day. And I, you know, I'm twenty four years old and I haven't talked to my family in almost six years. And that's really what is for the best. I I go through therapy is still go through therapy and it's really eye opening. And it's also validating to realize that there was nothing wrong with me as a child. And even if I made mistakes or I was quote-unquote a bad kid, it didn't mean that I deserved to be abused. And so having left high school and I've been on my own since, I'm very fortunate for the friends that I can call family today. They have been there for me through thick and thin. What was your life like right before you met your stalker? So before I met my stalker and this is it's not anything that I'm very proud of, but I I've actually been engaged two times. But before meeting my soccer, I was engaged to my high school sweetheart and he actually lived up in Caribou, where I went to high school and I lived in southern Maine, and we had a long distance relationship for about three years. And he was actually in the military. So the last year that we were together, he had been deployed to Poland and right before he went to Poland, he proposed to me and I said yes. And then it was in that year that I had just grown so much as a person, and I was really starting to find my way in life and really what I wanted. And when he came back, he was supposed to move to southern Maine where I lived, but he just didn't want that. And so I made the sacrifice to move back up to my hometown. And within three months, I really realized that this was not going to work out. We had just grown apart and he was a great guy, but we just wanted different things in life. We wanted to be in different places and have different values. And so we ended up actually splitting. But I think kind of I mean, it was already heading toward that path. But in that time I had started. I knew something wasn't really right with my relationship when I was open to talking to other people. And not that I did do that, but that's when my stalker came into play. I had found him on LinkedIn and he was someone I had met at networking events when I was going through college. So he was kind of like a colleague. And when I had found him on LinkedIn, I sent him a request and it was really just meant to be a connection on LinkedIn. But almost immediately he had sent me a response and he wanted to connect, and I really wanted to connect with him because I had always just enjoyed his personality. He was funny. He was charming. He was in the credit union space. I was in the credit unions phase. We both went to school for economics, so we had a lot more in common than myself and my fiancee did. And so when my soccer well, he became my soccer. But when he reached out to me on LinkedIn and wanted to connect, I was almost like, I just wanted to jump right at that opportunity. And because of that, I knew that it was time for me to finally end my relationship with my high school sweetheart because it wasn't right. And I'm not a cheater and I didn't want to pursue something with someone else. But I also felt like I owed it to myself to see what that may be. So I ended my engagement and I ended up connecting with who became my soccer. What were those first few conversations like with him? So the first few conversations, he was just very adamant about wanting to get together and wanting to me. And I had explained to him that I was living back up in Caribou, my hometown, which was like a six hour difference. I mean, he lived in southern Maine. I lived in northern Maine, and he was like, I'll come there tonight. And I was like, Deal drugs six hours to come up here and see me. And he was like, Yeah, like if you want. And again, I couldn't, because at that time I was. I mean, that was the first day he sent me a message and I was engaged. So I told him, like, no, I said, I'm I'm engaged, but I do know I need to end this engagement, not because we're going to be in a relationship, but because I do want to get together and maybe see how this. Moving forward, and to be honest with you, I was flattered that he was willing to drive six hours just to see me. And so that was kind of like the first day he was just very adamant. The next day it was the same thing where he was like, Well, when can I come up? Like, When can I come see you? You should come see me. What if we meet halfway and just finding me on all the different social media is which I was caught off guard because I couldn't when I had found him on LinkedIn. That was a surprise to me because I couldn't find him on social media anywheres because he didn't have his name as his first and his last name. Yet it is his first and it's not name. So within and I'll get to why that is. But within probably the first couple of weeks, I did end up meeting up with him after I ended my engagement. We met up in Bangor, and that's where I guess I was like our first date. And there were a lot of red flags that I completely just missed because I thought that he was just very interested in me. And again, I was flattered by that. I had never had anyone show me that much attention, including my, you know, this time my ex fiance, who was a really great guy. He never showed me that type of attention. So the first meeting we had decided that we were going to be in Bangor, and I definitely knew I mean, we were going to stay the night in a hotel in Bangor. So I knew sort of what my intentions were and what his intentions were. I mean, we were staying in a hotel room, but I was only going to pursue anything intimate with him if I felt comfortable with it. And if not, then I just thought it would be kind of a fun getaway. Bangor was kind of like the midpoint for him, the midpoint for me. So we each had either two and a half hours, three hour drive to connect there. So we both met in Bangor. And when we got to the hotel that we were supposed to stay at, he very quickly changed the plan. Well, he called me, so I was a few minutes away from that hotel. And he said, Well, we don't have to do this, but can we? Why don't we go? Why don't we meet in Bangor? And then we'll get in my car and we'll go, you know, we'll travel down to Waterville, which is an hour and a half south of Bangor. And he was like, I really that way we can go to dinner with my sister and brother in law. And I was like, You want me to meet your sister and brother in law? I mean, this is the first time we're meeting together. And he was like, Yeah, well, like, I just like, I know that you'll be the one for me. And I was like, again, but I just need to reiterate that you and I are friends, and I'm happy to kind of see if this turns into anything, but I didn't and my engagement for a relationship with you. And he was like, No, no, no, I know, like, we're just friends right now, but. And I just kind of like, I'm a people pleaser. So I had a really hard time saying no to that. And so I met him at the hotel that we were supposed to meet at and and meet. He gets out of his vehicle. I get out of my vehicle and immediately he comes over and lodges his tongue down my throat. And I was really kind of like, Whoa, that wasn't what I was expecting. But keeping in mind, this was still someone that I was attracted to and really liked that he also had a lot of the same values that I did. So I kind of dismiss the fact that I felt uncomfortable and I got my stuff and I got into his vehicle and we left my vehicle in Bangor and we traveled an hour and a half south from my car, and that was something that I didn't even think about. I didn't think about the fact that I wouldn't have my vehicle in the event that I didn't want to be in this situation anymore. And as we're traveling, he just kept trying to put his hand up my dress and I kept pushing his hand off and pushing his hand off like as he's driving. I didn't want that. And then we stopped really quick to grab Subway before heading over to our hotel to check in to grab our sandwiches. Were having a good time, were laughing, were joking. We get to the hotel. As soon as we get into the hotel, he starts trying to come on to me and I was like, I just want to eat first, like, I really just want to eat first. And I kept kind of trying to push him off and saying, like, I just want to eat. And he was like, OK, oh, like any just kind of freaked out and it kind of scared me a little bit. And then I was like, OK, so I grabbed my sandwich and I start eating, and then he starts eating his sandwich. And then again, he just kept trying to like, Come on to me again. And I just got to the point where I felt like this was going to happen, regardless of whether or not I wanted to. And so I just kind of allowed it to happen. And so key in that moment, like he immediately confessed his love for me, which was very weird. And even though I was uncomfortable with the situation, I had to kind of pull my. Self together, because now we were going to go to dinner with his sister and brother in law and we got in the car. And as we're heading to the restaurant, his sister calls him and the the volume was going through the vehicle so I could hear the whole conversation. And she said, Does your girlfriend know how to play mini golf? And I kind of was a little caught off guard. Like, what kind of conversation did he have like? Who do they think I am when we go to this dinner tonight? And obviously, they must think that I'm his girlfriend, but I'm not his girlfriend. And it was just a little weird, but I didn't know how to address the conversation. So we went to the dinner and I loved his sister. I loved the brother in law, loved his niece and had a really good time. We were laughing, we were joking, and then we went to play mini golf. And at this point I was starting to feel more comfortable with him. And just like the whole situation. And then we went back to the hotel at night and we were laughing. We were joking. So I was feeling a lot better. And I thought, Well, maybe the reason why I was so uncomfortable at the beginning was because it was so fresh and new. And I guess like I just there were so many things that I just missed in that first day. And even though the next day I was like, OK, I really like this guy. Those things that happened before were definitely red flags to what our relationship was going to look like. I mean, he didn't take no for an answer. It didn't matter taking me an hour and a half away from my vehicle, also a red flag introducing me to his family on our very first date, a red flag, not really having, you know, just his, his family thinking, I'm his girlfriend, obviously, and his family knew that this was our first date. I feel like they too would have felt like that was a little weird. So those were all things that I just completely dismissed. And then the night after our, you know, our stay at the hotel, we were having a great time. He brought me back up to Bingguo. We had a very fancy romantic lunch. A really amazing walk. And he immediately started talking about how he wanted me to move back down to southern Maine, which I wanted to do. But he was very much like, You should move in with me. And I was like, No, like, I'll just rent my own place because in my head, I'm thinking, if things don't work out like, then I'm not going to have a place. And he was like, Well, that's going to be silly, because then you're going to be wasting your money on, like all this friend. And so we hadn't really quite worked out the details, but then we went to the driving range, and throughout the day he kept kind of making comments like, I don't talk to any woman. I only talk to men kind of like setting the the expectation that you're not going to talk to men and only talk to woman before our part of your eating dating. We weren't even dating at this point. I mean, this is the second day together. Then I finally go home and he goes back to where he is, and that's when he was like, I really want to come back up. And I said, Well, you know, my ex fiance were trying to move his stuff out of the apartment. I don't think that it's appropriate for you to come up while we're doing that. You know, you need to kind of way. And he was like, Well, please tell me immediately when he's out. So I did. And then like that day, he was like, All right, I'm on my way up. And he drove six hours to come, stay up there for the week with me. And that's when he went forward and bought the groceries and was really just super devoted to me. And then his family, actually, he has family that was from that area. So his parents, oddly enough, were going up to that area to see his grandmother. And so the first, you know, this is the this is all in the first week of ever being with him. He wanted to bring me to his parents. And so I went and met his parents. And, you know, they were like, Oh, you must be the amazing Olivia and all this stuff. And then we left his grandmother's house that night and he was like, my mom pulled me into the kitchen and said, You better not mess this one up. She really liked you. And so, of course, that was flattering to me. But in hindsight, I'm realizing that like this is because he had done this behavior with pretty much any woman that he was ever infatuated with or any relationship he was in. And so his mom in that moment was probably really saying like, do not mess this one up because he's continued to do this in his past. So that was kind of the first meeting with him and those red flags that I really dismissed in the beginning and had. I just recognize that that wasn't devotion, that wasn't somebody who is really interested in you. That's somebody who is obsessive and potentially is going to be a very dangerous person in the future. How long had you known him? I had met him at networking events for a few different. You know, I was living in southern Maine in the credit union industry, and he too was involved in the credit union industry. So we would meet each other at networking events and at these events. He always came over and had a little conversation with me and always showed a little extra attention. There was one night where he won the gift cards at this event and he came over to me and gave it to me and I was like, Oh, wow, so I kind of had this crush on him. And I used to make jokes all the time to my friends, Oh so-and-so from this company, you know, even when I was like, I just had this little crush on him, but I didn't really know him. Know him up until this. This was like the first time that we really got to know each other. How long after that first meeting? Was it until you guys had moved in together? Less than 30 days. So I did decide that I was going to move back down to southern Maine because I just knew that I wasn't happy in northern Maine and I had nothing to do with him. He was definitely kind of the one that helped push the process along quicker. But I knew that I wanted to get back down to southern Maine, and my friends all wanted me to come back down there. They knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before I came back down. He was very much like, Just come live with me, like, you know, you don't have to worry about the rent aspect right now. And I, you know, for me, that was kind of helpful. And he was like, You know, it's going to be kind of ridiculous if you get your own place, because then you're always going to be at my place or I'm always going to be at your place and we're always going to be together. So it just doesn't really make sense. And I really was at this point getting head over heels for him. I really was. And so he would say all the time like, you know, when you know, when it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And I was starting to wonder if he really was like the one for me. And so I was like, I know that this is quick, but sure. So it was less than 30 days. I had packed up my car and I had moved back down to southern Maine and we moved in together. Strictly talking is brought to you by progressive insurance, most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. That's right. Well, you're listening to this podcast. You're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of a moving vehicle, there's something else you can be doing right now, not getting an auto quotes from progressive insurance. It's easy, and you can save money by doing it right from your song. Drivers who saved by switching to Progressive saved nearly $700 dollars on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having things like multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more so just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24 seven 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multi-task right now and get a quote on your car insurance at progressive.com. So I never $29 drivers to address progressive, progressive casualty insurance company in a national average 12 months savings of six hundred and ninety eight dollars by new customers surveyed who say it was progressive between June 2021 and May 2020 to potential savings will vary discounts not available in all states and situation. He gave me a book on art forgery. I found myself drawn to these old masters. How did these artists take paint from a palette? Arrange it on a canvas. I began to unlock the secret I was storehouse of knowledge of how to create an illusion presented to a experienced expert. Manipulate his mind and convince him and bring him to the inevitable conclusion that the painting is genuine. We flooded the market with my paintings, and I couldn't believe what I did. I couldn't believe it. Then the dominoes started falling, and eventually the FBI were led to my door. They uncovered a mountain of evidence against me, but they never actually got you at this point. You sold a lot. You've got like a million dollars in cash. You sold one painting for seven hundred and seventeen thousand. Why did it go away? Why did you never get indicted in the way? How are we having this conversation? I guess, is the greatest story of all to hear how Ken Perrine made millions in art forgery dodged the Mafia and the FBI? Subscribe to The Jordan Harbinger Show and check out Episode 282 in Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you're listening now. Did your friends offer any advice or comments on what was going on? Yeah, so my friend Christy, she ended up saying that him getting me diamond earrings was a red flag because I didn't have my ears pierced. And why would anybody go out of their way? And this was like the first week that he had brought these down and gave them where he came up to visit. He had brought those to me and I had sent them to her because I was like, Oh my gosh, look what he did. And she was like, That's a red flag. Who? Who does that? Nobody. He doesn't know you. And he went and bought you diamond earrings. And I was like, That's not a red flag. He's just being nice. Like, I'm going to go get my ears pierced. And then the other red flag and sent a screenshot of his bank account balances. And she was like, No grown man is going to send you his bank statements with his balances. And so she was like, really concerned, saying, these are red flags. Well, I didn't really know how to approach that. So when I was with him, I made a comment that my friend Christy really feels that he is signaling off some red flags. Probably not the best thing to have done because this set the the stamp like he no longer liked her and he convinced me and manipulated me to believe that she's just jealous that I have a man who's doing those things for me. And she does. And so because she did that any any time she Snapchat, any time she sent me a text or any time she invited me to go spend time with her, she stopped. He was like, She doesn't like me or she just is jealous. She doesn't care about you. So I started to lose. My friends and my friends were kind of like, There's there's something not right. There's red flags here. And then the other group of friends that I had that didn't hang out with them started to not like him as well because he would just do things that didn't feel right to them. So he would send messages to the girls and like, try to ask them if they liked swimming or if they'd be interested in swimming or whatever it may be. And my friends were like, This is just weird. This isn't right. But he was starting to convince me that these things were normal. And so I actually started to lose. All of my friends and my friends were the friends that he started to introduce me to, which were his friends. What was that relationship like those first couple of months? Oddly enough, it wasn't. It felt very natural. It didn't feel off or anything like that. But well, I guess I should have picked up on at the time was that by living with him, he was able to kind of keep a time stamp on me so I would go to work. He'd know exactly when I left for work, but then he knew exactly what time I was off the clock and how long it would take me to get him back to the apartment. And it also made it so that I didn't really, you know, if I wanted to do anything on the weekends that didn't include him, he would know. And so it was really I ended up kind of spending every waking moment with him unless I was at work. But I thought that that was really more just like the honeymoon phase, because you're always attached to people when you first get together. And we were having a lot of fun and we were living together and living together and integrating wasn't very complicated. It seemed very easy. But just the very beginning of that was that he did always just have a time stamp on me. I just thought that he was just so infatuated with me that I would be at work and I would get multiple text messages, multiple calls from him. And he would be asking me, like, all day, like, What are you doing? Who are you talking to? Are there any hot guys there? Just kind of getting an idea of who I'm working with? Or I'll never forget the day that I was going to go down to lunch and I always left the building for lunch just because it's nice to get out of that work environment. And I just was sitting in my car listening to music, eating my lunch and sort of going down to my car to get in. And I remember looking over to left and seeing his black car kind of tucked behind a few vehicles. And I was like, That's weird. Like, he didn't say he was coming. So I walked over approaches when he was like, Hey, like, I came to surprise you for lunch. And I was like, Oh, hi. And he was like, What are you doing? And so I ended up spending my lunch with him, but I thought it was a little weird, but I was like, Oh, you know, he must just be here to surprise me for lunch. And I just always tucked away that feeling that something might be weird or off. I just I. Ignored it and dismissed it. And he got upset because he had connections with the people that employed me, the CEOs. He would say, Oh, like, I heard that you were talking to so-and-so today and I really know or he didn't like that. My trainer was a man. And so he would constantly ask me about my trainer. And, you know, do you think he's hot? Do you find him attractive? And I'm like, No. And then he'd always ask me, Are you cheating? Or if I was like, Hey, I'm going to be a little bit late from work tonight, I have to work a little bit longer. Like, 20 minutes, you know, just 20 minutes longer. You can immediately go to saying, you're a cheating slut, you're a w***e. I'm going to go sleep with someone because I know that's what you're doing. Go enjoy whatever man you're hanging out with. And I say, like, I'm literally just working like, I'm not. I'm not doing anything. And I was constantly having to explain myself. And so it would sometimes lead to fights and he would always go to I'm so sorry, you know, I was cheated on in the past, and so I have, you know, really bad trauma from that. And so I had never been cheated on before. So I don't know what it's like to be in that situation. And so I'm trying to understand that while also trying to have boundaries. Well, he wanted to look through my phone one day and I was like, I told him, not like, you know, I wasn't really comfortable with that. And he was like, Well, why are you hiding something? I was like, No, I'm not hiding anything. It's just that I don't need to look through your phone, and I just would expect you to trust me to do the same. And he was like, again, like I was cheated on in the past and he didn't want him to think I was cheating or that I did have anything to hide by not allowing him to have access to my phone. So he did allow him. And once I did that, it was downhill from there because he became very obsessive about just looking into my phone and checking. It started out with just texting who I texted or who I might have sent messages to on Facebook or Instagram. Then it turned into monitoring those things, but then also looking at my call log. Then it turned into looking at those things my colleague and looking at my search history on on Google and just need to have looking at my emails, looking at my deleted. And it got to a point where even though I wasn't hiding anything, I always had immense anxiety. My heart would pound when he would be looking through this phone because I'm like, What is he going to find that he's going, that's going to make me look bad? And it became like a thing where it was almost daily. He was searching everything in my phone, checking my apps that I might have downloaded, checking the apps on the phone. Just anything you can think of. The phone was completely undermine it being monitored. And that was really just like right in the first few months. But I also had like, you know, there were times where he was delivering flowers and, you know, writing me love letters and apologizing and saying he's sorry and explaining himself. And I felt bad for him because he'd been cheated on before. And so I had such a hard time kind of recognizing that these things were not OK. And this was turning into something more dangerous down the road. And while these things were happening, there was also some. And I just thought there were so many great things happening going on vacations, and there were very romantic moments. So it was really easy for me to kind of put on the rose colored glasses and not recognize that there were red flags within the first couple of months he actually proposed. Can you tell us how that came about? He proposed to me after being with him for two months. And the problem with that is that he had had a conversation with me at one point where he said, like, if I were to propose to you, like what would be your ideal proposal? And I was like, Well, you know, in the future, if you propose to me like me thinking, this is long term, just him trying to get to know me. I said, You know, I don't want anybody to ever propose to me in front of their family. That's what my other fiancee did. And I don't want anybody to ever propose to me in front of their family because I just think it's an intimate situation. You need to give them the opportunity to say no if they don't want to. And within two months of dating him, we were on the golf course on the 18th hole. And all of a sudden I just was like, No way is this happening right now where his entire family kind of surrounded the 18th hole. And after an off the ball and he pointed, I turned around and his late nieces and nephews were walking up in hand, each individually handing me a rose. And then I turned around and he was on a knee with my dream ring. It was, you know, a big, beautiful oval diamond ring. And it was everyone had their phone down. Everyone was videotaping. It was really awkward. So I said yes, and then we went back to his parents house and. Everybody's having this big celebration for us. And then there's moms like, when are you posting it on Facebook? And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, everybody's going to judge me, and I was worrying about what everyone was going to think. So I just kind of kept putting it out there like, you know what? When it's meant to be, it's meant to be like, This is the one for me. But being engaged to him ended up becoming a way for him to continue to control and manipulate me. Because as our relationship really started to become violent and he was starting his stalking and he was getting more jealous and possessive over me when I would start to say, OK, this isn't for me, I'm not doing this. He would always throw it in my face like, I bought you this eight thousand dollar ring and you're just so ungrateful and like, I do all these things for you. Or if I wanted to go hang out with a friend, he'd be like, You know, fiancees don't do that. So it really became a way for him to just kind of hold that over my head. And I tend to I would tend to carry a lot of guilt if I was looking at, you know, going out and doing something without him because we were engaged, I wasn't allowed to go hang out with other people unless it was with him. And he would tell me all the time, You know, I always bring you to hang out with my friends like you shouldn't. I should be able to go with you to hang out with your friends. But he also didn't want to meet my friends. Any time we would set something up. Something would always come up as to why he couldn't, which meant we couldn't go do that. And as you can imagine on my friends, and that leads to them being frustrated and wanting to just cut ties with me when they're scheduling time out of their day to hang out with me. We're making the plans to do it. And then it gets cancelled right beforehand. My friends were getting to the point where they didn't want to meet him. They wanted to just meet with me. And I think that was really so that they can kind of have some sort of intervention with me and have a conversation. And they didn't want him included in that. So he again back to him monitoring my phone if we were laying in bed and I'd get a snapshot at night and my phone would go off immediately, who is that? I need to see taking my phone and not even giving me a chance to see who it is before he's checking? And if it was my friend, Christy, he was, he was losing his mind and it could. It didn't matter if that same Snapchat that she sent me was on her story, telling you that she sent it to everybody. It was always a me problem and him getting mad at me and saying, like, I can't believe you're friends with people like that, people who don't like me and people who don't even want to give me a chance. And I again, I've always just been a people pleaser, and I think that goes back to being just my childhood where I was always just trying to make everyone happy, make everyone love me. And I never wanted to make anyone mad that I had a really hard time advocating for myself and standing my ground. And it was just easier for me to just let it, you know, it's really more of a survival thing, just kind of not picking a battle, just letting them be upset with you and just moving on. And I'll never forget the day that my friends, Christy, once you've reached out to me and said, Hey, I'm going up to our friend's house to see their new dog and their new house. Do you want to come with me? And I said I would love to go. I was really excited about it. And I was like, I'm going to go, I'm going to stand my ground. I'm doing this. And immediately, he was like, Well, I want to go to. And so I sent Krista a message, and Christy said it's not an appropriate time for him to come. It's not appropriate. Doesn't make sense. And so I was like, Hey, it's going to be more of a girl's day. And he was like, That's so awful. Why would you want to be friends with people like that and actually ended up turning into probably one of our first physical altercations where he was trying to grab the phone wasn't working. He ended up shoving me backwards. And so I ended up shoving him back after he shot me. And when I did that, he tripped over the wooden chair, the wedding kitchen chair and the wooden kitchen chair had actually snapped. Well, all I heard was a snap. I didn't know it was the chair, and he started screaming, saying that I broke his leg that I needed to get out of the house. Right now, you need to leave now I'm freaking out because I'm like, Oh my gosh, I just broke his leg. And so he ended up making me cancel my plans to go with them. And I did because I thought I broke his leg and found out that it was actually the chair. Well, we in the vehicle and I can't even believe like thinking back on this, but we got in the vehicle to go to our house showing while he was screaming at me, telling me he didn't know if you love me anymore, if we were ever going to be together while we're driving to our house showing and just making me feel bad now, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm such a terrible person. I'm abusive. Like, What have I done? And my friends were obviously very upset that I said I was going to go and I didn't go. He was upset with me because. I was not putting him above my friends. What other things started happening in the relationship while you were with them? I'll never forget the time that I actually got the opportunity to go to dinner. My friend Erica was in town and this was one person that I was not like not going to not see while she was in town. And it was specifically a girls night. There was no questions asked. I was like, I'm going, This is how it's going to be nothing you can do about it. So I went out to dinner with them and he made me send her a picture or send him a picture showing him that's where I was. He made me send him pictures of my friends to prove that that's who I was actually with and that there was no guys. And then he also made me, you know, I'd have to send him to my location. He needed to know exactly where I was at. And he would tell me that he was going to show up just to make sure, you know, and I was like, Well, that's where I'm going to be. So go for it. And actually, that night when I had gone home, he started looking through my phone questioning who I was with. I did have a few drinks that night, but I wasn't intoxicated. And the next day, he tried to make me believe that I was super intoxicated and that I was Snapchatting guys, which was not the case, he started. That was the same thing. Like, I would be at work and I would have to send him a picture showing him that I was at work or showing him that I was at lunch where I said I was going to be, which is out in the parking lot at work. He would send me a bunch of text messages while I was working. And when I tell you that, like sending me a bunch of text message, I'm talking like 75 text messages, 30 text messages at a time, like, Hello Olivia, answer me, why aren't you answering me if you don't answer me like, I'm going to cheat, just go, go, go, go, go. And like, I wouldn't see these text messages because I'm working and I'm opening my phone up to all of these text messages, missed phone calls, and I'd say I'm working like that would be my one response to his seventy five text he just sent me. And then he would send me a bunch more, and if I still wasn't answering him, he would. I worked in business insurance specifically, so he would call my insurance agency. He would say, This is Bob's from Bob's landscaping. I need to speak with Olivia. And then they would set. They'd say, Okay, well, what's your account? They wouldn't find it. And he'd say, no, like, I'm a new account. So they'd call me and say, Hey, we have Bob from Bob's landscaping. I can't find the account. Can you take the call and transfer it through? And it would always be him. And that would be, you know, I'd have to like mumble because my boss, her desk was like, really right right behind me. So I'd be like, I'm working right now, and I'd have to go into the bathroom to call him or whatever it may be. And like I said, it was always the time stamp. But as soon as 4:30 hit, I was getting a phone call from him and he wanted to talk on the phone with me from the time I got out of work. To the moment I pulled into the driveway. What's up, you guys, this is Tiffany, your host, the crime over c**ktails. Crime over c**ktails is your new aged true crime podcast or I talk with real survivors of a variety of different crimes and situations. The one thing that they all have in common is trauma. Come check out their stories. Almost no episode is alike. Not only do they share their stories, but they let you know how they overcame their trauma. You got to feel if you want to heal, so come find me on your favorite podcast platform. Crime over c**ktails. All right, guys, we'll talk Gram another time. She was screaming all month long during Pluto TV's April Fools watch, hauntingly good movies like Evil Dead in Cloverfield or terrifying shows like The Walking Dead and Nosferatu. Plus, Pluto TV has hundreds of channels with thousands more movies and TV shows available on live and on demand. Download the free Pluto TV app on all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream Now Pay Never. What led up to Christmas Eve when you knew that it was over? So he was fired for sexual harassment and he was kind of starting to see lies to all the different CEOs of the credit unions in New England, and a lot of them were buying the lies that he was sharing. He was saying I just decided to part ways. But he was getting very violent with me at home and placing blame on me and saying it was my fault that he lost his job and his parents were trying to. They were trying to convince me to get done my job if he gets this chief operating officer of a credit union in northern Maine, where I specifically left because I didn't want to live there and they felt that I should quit my job to be a stay at home mom and live up in the county with him. And I was like, Why would I do that if he can't even hold a job? Why? I don't see why I would do that. And either way, things were just starting to get very, very out of hand. And I was starting to worry that if I didn't leave, he was going to take my life. It was only a matter of time. And so I and there was also like another physical altercation, like just a few days prior to that. So then it was Christmas Eve, his father screaming at him, trying, well, actually to backtrack to give you more of what made me realize I needed to get out. Was his sister and brother in law, wanted to plan a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge. And that was in January, and I really wanted to go. And then I was like, Wait a second. He doesn't have a job. I don't know how that's going to work out. So he didn't want to go to his sister's house Christmas Eve morning, but I did. So he stayed at home and I went to his sister's house and I got comfortable enough to say, Listen, you can't say anything, you can't talk about this, but because your parents don't want anybody to know that he was fired. And so she goes, he was fired. And I said, Yeah, and she goes, Well, how did how was he fired and what was he fired for? And I was like for sexual harassment. So she pulled me into the kitchen with her and her husband. And she was like telling him, and I told her husband he had just been fired for sexual harassment. And his brother in law looks at me and goes, He's a sociopath, and what are you doing with him? And he looks at his wife is like, Sorry, it's your brother. But like, this is the fourth job that he has been fired for for sexual harassment. I didn't know that at the time. So it was not moment that I had found out that that was not only his first job, that he'd been fired for sexual harassment, but fourth job for sexual harassment. And they were like, he's never going to change. And then his brother in law, like just his brother in law kind of saying, like, What are you doing with him? Kind of raise like beg like sirens in my head, like, Oh my gosh, this is really bad. And then I got down there and I went back to his parents. House was dad knew he was fired at this point, but still wasn't able to figure out why. What did he do? Well, his father was in the driveway, salting when I got back and he was like, OK, enough. Like, What did he do? And I was like, he was fired for sexual harassment, and his father's first words was, he's a sexual predator. So that was another like, Holy crap, your father's calling you a sexual predator. So he was like, I'm not going to tell him that you told me, but I'm very angry. So his father goes, and that's my father was like yelling at him, trying to like, kind of figure out like, what did you do? Like, you didn't just get fired for no reason. Like, what did you do? And he wouldn't tell his dad, but he was blowing up my phone saying, Do you think this is fair to me when I'm like, When are you guys going to give me a break? Follow up on that's when I was like, I need to call my landlord, and I didn't tell him that. And I was like, I had to go to the grocery store and he was like, I'll come with you. Well, then he got in the vehicle because he wasn't yelling at his dad. He wasn't standing up to his dad, but he started screaming at me more. And I was like, You need to stop. And so we got to the grocery store and he didn't go in with me. I went and made my calls, got back in the vehicle so he wouldn't go home. He didn't drive home. He drove us to a parking lot to continue screaming at me, and I'm crying and I'm like, Just stop like, I'm done like, I'm not doing this anymore. And I was like, I'm breaking up with you. I'm literally done. And granted, this is a conversation. This is a fight we had all the time where I say, I'm done. He gets me to go back and you know, it just I stayed with him. So I get out of the vehicle at this point because he won't go home and I'm like, I'm walking or he gets a vehicle. He grabs me and he's like, You're not going and you're not leaving me. And I was like, I'm done. I really am like, I really am done this time and we get back in the vehicle. He goes to his parents house and we walk inside and he goes to tell them, and they really tell us why. And he was like, she broke up with me and his dad jumps up and goes, Tell us why she broke up with you. And he was like, Because and he will tell us why you got fired. And he goes, Because I was messaging people and I said, You're messaging woman. And then I started telling him about how he's been physical with me, and he's punched me and he's choked me and his mom jumps up and they start screaming at him and they're like, What's wrong with you? She's the best thing that's ever happened to you. Can't believe you did this. You need help. And he was like, I'm leaving, and I was like, he had my vehicle and we're in. We're an hour and a half north of where we live in southern Maine. And I was like, No, like. Not leaving me with your family and taking my car. And so his parents were like, if he gets counseling and gets help, will you stay with him? And then they just all are looking at me and I'm like. Sure. Because granted, I'm an hour and a half away from my home right now, so I was like, sure, but I knew that I wasn't actually going to necessarily get upstairs now, and so they make us both go upstairs. His mom walks the door because it's Christmas Eve. His sisters are all supposed to be coming over, and they don't want anybody to know that this is all happening right now because they still don't know that I already told his his other sister and brother in law. And so they start looking at like all these like counselors who help with sex addiction and all that stuff. And as a dad turns around, he looks at me and he mumbles, like you. And I was like, You know what, if you and I got up and slammed the door like, I'm not standing in there? And then they were like, OK, we need you guys to pull yourself together before everyone gets here. Just we'll talk about the doctor says family comes over. He's putting his arm around me. He's laughing, he's joking. He's acting like everything's normal. Then his family leaves. I go upstairs and packing my bags so we can go home. And he was like trying to talk to me and I'm like, I'm still gone. Like, I'm not staying with you. And his mom and dad walking in at that time, because, see, this is what she does. She's not staying with me. And so as he goes in because I told him that his dad even said that you're a sexual predator and he goes, Dad said, I'm a sexual predator. His mom goes, You're not a sexual predator. And then his dad, when we got downstairs was like, No, you just say things when you're mad, like, I didn't mean that he really is a good kid. You were always so good, and you guys just need to go to therapy and charge, and you have to stop talking to people about your problems if you want to talk to someone. You guys can always talk to us, but you got to stop talking about it. You guys will get through this. You guys are just going through a rough time. So we get our stuff and we go home and his parents are supposed to come down Christmas Day. Well, at this point, I realize that I need to create an escape plan, and I'm not going to be able to leave Christmas Day. So I'm going with the flow. I'm texting my friends at this point. Christy Christy is really the one that said I can't see. I'll never forget, she said. I can't care more about your life than you do. But I always knew that when I was ready, I could reach back out to her and she would be there for me. And I told them, Listen, I have to get out of this situation. I got to create a game plan here. His parents are here for three days because they were going to come down, and I was like, So I can leave on Tuesday once they're gone. So as parents come down Christmas Day, we spend Christmas Day with them. And then, of course, like I was texting. So the next day, his mom and I went shopping and he was at home with his dad. This is the day after Christmas. Now this is like a three day extravaganza going on. And so his mom and I are going shopping and she's like saying, I just feel so bad for him. Women tend to, you know, make these accusations because they want attention. Talk about the sexual harassment and why she was fired. And just really like you can tell, she's clearly also a battered woman herself, but she's also probably a narcissist and abusive as well. So she was kind of like dismissing it, feeling bad for him. We go shopping. He's texting me saying, My parents want to know who you're texting, like you've been texting all day. They know you're not trying to make this work. And I was like, Your parents want me to make it work with you after I told them you were being physically abusive with me, and he was just like trying to dismiss the fact that that's what I was saying. So I looked at his mom and I was like, He wants me to just let you guys like, I just want, you know, I'm texting my friends like. And she was like, We don't care who you're texting. But we get back to the house and his dad is just so mad at him, like just screaming at him and like, saying, like, we're done with you. Don't call us until you get your act together, like. And they ended up packing up and leaving like early. They were supposed to leave Tuesday, and now they're leaving. Like, I don't remember when Christmas was the day after Christmas and other leaving earlier, and I'm like, Oh, this is good, I can leave tomorrow. A day earlier. And so his parents end up leading. His dad is so mad, his parents give me a hug. They don't give him a hug and they leave. So then he's like, Can you just talk to me about this? Like, I'm just I'm I'm confused. Like, you know, everyone's making like just trying to make me feel bad for him. And I was like, Listen, like, I got to go get a surprise. I'll be right back. And I said I had to get him a surprise because I knew I mean, granted, he stalks me, so I knew that I wasn't leaving for his benefit. I wasn't going to be able to leave the house. So that was my way because I needed to go now, pick up that paper police report that I had filed so that I could get it over to my landlords, that I could get out of the place, and that while I did that, I also went and got a storage unit and my friend Christy was like, Why do you need to leave tomorrow? Why don't you leave today? And I was like, what? And she was like, Why don't you leave today? I'll be there in an hour with the crew of people to pick up all your stuff. So I. OK. So I had asked the police if they would come and help monitor as I get my stuff out and the police actually told me that I can hire them, but they can't just go and help me, you know, monitor me while I get my stuff out of the domestic violence situation. And clearly, like, I didn't have that money to be able to hire the police to monitor that. So I got home, and when I got home, I told him I was like, Listen, I'm leaving you. And he was like, What? And he starts crying and having this big, crazy, like weird meltdown following me around the house. They told him the police were going to be there in a few minutes and that I had a crew of people coming to help me get my stuff and I'm trying to get my stuff out and he's like laying on the floor. He's calling his parents now. His parents are flipping a switch, right? They're like, Well, you need to let her go and the, you know, you need to let her go and you need to work on yourself. And so he ends up leaving because he believes that I have the police coming and then my crew people did get there. We get all of my stuff out and we get out of there as fast as possible. And I go into hiding because I needed to go into a place that he didn't know where I lived, where I. I didn't need him to know any of that information. And his parents are calling me and they're like, Well, you do what you need to do, but please don't give up on him. He's going to get the help that he needs and his family constantly sending me messages asking how I'm doing the next day, his mom sending a message to let me know that she's getting her hair dyed than his sister was calling me. The next day is actually when I was getting that restraining order out there. That's when I had gone through that. So well, I'm in the courthouse sisters reaching out to me, sending me the text message conversation from him to her and sending it to me. Kind of. So they're still kind of contacting me through that way. And once his family found out that I was pressing charges, that's when everything changed and immediately I became the bad person and he became the victim in the whole situation. But we had a ring camera and this was the day after I left him, so I didn't even remember that we had the ring camera until it went off on my phone that week. And I look at it and I see that there was motion. So I checked and I saw that he was leading in his black truck. So I knew that I needed to not go out because he's out. And I didn't know, is he coming to look for me? Where is he going? What's he doing? I was very, very stressed. Well, a couple hours later, the ring camera goes off again and it signals that there was motion. So he was coming back home and he was coming home, not in a black truck, but a brand new red. Fonda, with you could see that it was new license plates, and he pulled it into the garage and shut the door, and that was really alarming to me because once he had been unemployed for three weeks, the day after we leave, he went and got in new vehicle in two hours. And he's not somebody to go get a new vehicle because he's so like fixated on money. So I was like, If I didn't know, get that ring camera didn't go off, I would never have been looking for a red vehicle. I would've been looking for a black truck. So I told the police that and the police and the DEA were like, that is actually very alarming that he did that. How difficult was it to follow through and get the restraining order? What was that process like the process when you get to the courthouse? It's a very lengthy packet that you have to complete. You have to answer a series of questions. And I knew kind of going into it what to expect because I had a friend who studied law worked, you know, she kind of understood what I needed to make sure was on that. And so when you're filling it out, it's very important that you do include that, you know, you're worried and you're scared and that you fear for your life and why. And so I have to go through that and it was like three hours. I just know that I once I completed it, you have to bring it up and then you have to stay at the courthouse until the judge can review it in case there's any additional questions and how long it's going to take that judge before the judge actually gets a chance to sit down and review it. You don't know. So that's when I was sitting at the courthouse for hours waiting for the judge to come back and say whether or not he was going to issue a temporary restraining order, and he didn't come back with any additional questions. They did grant it. And then it's actually like my responsibility to take that paperwork to the police department and then ask the police department to have him served with that. Well, I brought it to the police department was waiting, still didn't know if they had served him with it, and it was my responsibility to keep following up and asking the police, Did you have him served? Did you have him served? So finally, they went in, had him had it delivered to him. But if he hadn't been at that location, then they would have just had to keep going back or trying until they could actually locate him to give it to him. So as far as the process when I mean, it was definitely a lengthy and it was, they leave it really up to the victim to make sure that that restraining order gets to be soccer. Because if I didn't follow up with the police department, it's very possible that he wouldn't have received it. And I do know that his former boss had also needed to get a protection from harassment order on him, and that one was a little bit more difficult and longer before they actually got him served with it because he had actually gone up to Waterville, where his family lived. So now they've got to get it to Waterville and get Waterville to go out to the location and find him and serve him with it. Hey, listeners, it's Jamie, your favorite strictly stalking host, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I thought I was their favorite host. OK. Yeah, Jake, you probably are the favorite host, but I want to get our listeners excited about something I've been working on in my spare time. I've designed and launched my own bikini company. Wow, that's really cool. Thank you. If you follow me on Instagram at federal seventy seven, you might know a little bit about me. But if not, here's the short version. I'm forty five years old. Single have a golden retriever named Cabo, who is the love of my life, and I spend a lot of time traveling to tropical locations and lounging around in bikinis. Yeah, you know, that pretty much does sum up your life outside of strictly stalking. So I took all my favorite parts of different bikinis and design, one that's perfect for every occasion. And then I went to Bali and had them ethically produced with the best materials, and now I'm launching the boyfriend bikini. I do like the part about the bikinis being ethically produced, but why can't the boyfriend bikini? Well, you know that saying about how girls level up after a horrible relationship and then travel more, get hotter and make more money starting a business, fall in love with someone way better? I have definitely heard variations of that. So that's exactly what I did when my last relationship ended. I worked on myself, found peace, happiness and started living my best life. I traveled solo around the world that lots of amazing and some not so amazing men and worked hard to make a positive difference in other people's lives. You know, I've really noticed you grow up in the past few years, so the boyfriend bikini is about taking back your life, personal growth, finding inner peace and being a total girlboss. I've named each bikini after type of man I know good and bad because each one is helping me grow in one way or another. That's really cool. So which one is named after me? Haha, the Mr. Nice Guy is officially the jacked up tula bikini. Well, of course it is. But let's tell them the best part about the boyfriend bikini. Well, because we're advocates against domestic violence, and that's something I've personally dealt with. A portion of all sales will go to the National Coalition against domestic violence. I love this. Where can our listeners find the boyfriend bikini? You can go to the boyfriend bikini dot com and use code stocking to get 10 percent off your first bikini. You can also follow on Instagram at the boyfriend bikini. So live your best life now and go to the boyfriend Bikini EW.com coach shocking to get 10 percent off your first bikini. Once he was served with the restraining order. How did he react? Did you continue hearing from him? He's very intelligent and he knows how to find legal loopholes, so he it was very clear that he used to have absolutely no contact, no contact means no contact. And the way the judge even said is like, don't even say her name. Don't even say her name. That's the best thing you can do. And it was probably like, I can't even say timelines. It's been a little while now, but I want to say it was a few weeks after you had received the restraining order. He went ahead and went into my Hulu account cause I was trying to get into Hulu and I couldn't get into it. And I'm like, What the heck is going on here? And so I ended up finding out that, well, I ended up having to call Hulu, and I'm like, I'm still confused. Like, I can't get into it saying that there's no email on fire, like I paid for this. Then I went to Gmail because I'm like, I get emails from Hulu all the time. And I went in and I searched Hulu, and the last email from Hulu was Thanks. Thank you for calling today. We've updated your account and I'm like, I didn't call them. So I called Hulu and I'm asking them, I'm like, What? Like, why? What happened on my account? I said, Did somebody call and change my information? And they wouldn't give me a whole lot of information? Hulu actually has their own like, it's like Hulu are legal at Hulu dot com or something like that, and they wouldn't give me any information. But all I knew was that someone specifically went in and had taken my information, removed my email, my name, all of that stuff and changed it over. So what was weird is when I got them to switch it all back over again to my name who sent me that same email. Thank you for calling today, but it said hi, and then it's had my soccer's name. Thank you for calling today, so I knew that he had specifically went in and changed all of my information. My domestic violence investigator had his had told me anything and everything that happened. You need to report it, even if it seems so small, you have to report it because stalking is repetitive incidences like this. So if I didn't report that one little small nuance, then it had to be back a little bit. And then every because it's been a multiple little events that have happened that really would show a pattern of stalking. So that kind of heat, it was very soon after that he was not, he clearly the restraining order was just a piece of paper to him. He knows how to find the legal loopholes, and he had actually contacted my police department and was asking them questions like, Well, if I did this, would that violate the order? If I do this, would this violate the order? And the sergeant over there ended up saying probably not some great things on the phone, because when we needed to get that call for the judge, he was like, I'll write a report, but probably said some things that I shouldn't have said to him. So they wrote up the report and pretty much implied like, you know, I could tell I'm dealing with a very manipulative individual who was trying to ask questions and they knew they could see right through it. But he didn't. Maybe not didn't pick up on the fact that the questions he was asking was things that the police are not like. They're not stupid. They knew what they were dealing with. You tried to file a police report that I was harassing him, saying that I was contacting in his place of work. So a police officer called me from Connecticut because that's where he was located at the time. And the officer was very rude to me saying that there's an order in place and I need to stop harassing him. And I was like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. I have the order against him. I said, second, I have not contacted him at all. And so the officer was very rude to me. I was like, I'm going to get. I was like, Let me get your information and I'm going to have my police department reach out to you to discuss this further. And I went right down to the police station, told the police my police department contacted them and pretty much set him straight and was like, You know, he's very manipulative x, y and Z. But that officer should have done his due diligence to see that I'm the one who had the protection order against him because really, what he was doing in that situation was using the police to now harass me. Then I find out that probably like four months into the case, I had noticed a device had just been signed on in my email, and I hadn't noticed that device had been signed on into my email with a pattern. It was pretty much all the time. So I immediately panicked and I was so upset with myself because I changed all of my passwords except for my email password and didn't realize I had forgot to update that email password. And because I didn't update that email password, my ex had actually been in my email and was able to see all of my correspondence with the VA. All of my correspondence with the attorney, which means that when he was working with his. HURNEY, he already knew what was coming through the pipeline. He was already able to build his own story and he was, I mean, he was monitoring literally everything that I was doing. So then I had to get that over to the police. And as you can imagine, the DEA was not there. Now you've compromised the DA's case that they have. So we updated that. And what they ended up doing was they reached out to Google, had to go out. They had to reach out to Google. They had to get Google to send them all this stuff. And they what they found was, so if somebody is using like a VPN or they're, you know, using someone else's internet and stuff like that, it can be very difficult for them to be able to put it back on them. But the police and the DEA, they were like they they were so confident that even without that proof, I mean, they couldn't do anything legally. But they knew for their own just going through the case that he had had access to that. And it also they found out that he had also been accessing to his former boss. She had been in a couple of different meetings and she had the protection from harassment as well. She had been in a couple of different meetings and while she was in that meeting, the person that she's having the meeting with was getting a phone call from him, even if they hadn't heard from him in months. And they were like, That's really scary. And she's like, How does he know? Like, it's like he knew whenever she was having these meetings while they ended up finding out that he had also been accessing her calendar. So he knew where she was, who she was meeting with, what she was doing, and he was also intervening in that way. So in a way that it's like showing up like, Hey, I just want to let you know that like, I'm here, I'm one step ahead of you, but I know that you can't do anything about it. And then you go into June. He pleads guilty June 17th, and he now has a probation officer, and he was back in Maine and he was living back at home. And I had a golf tournament coming up, and this golf tournament was a really, really big fight for us when we were in our relationship because he knew that I had this. I mean, we got through. It was planned for a year. So he knew that I had this golf tournament coming up and he didn't want me to go. He said, Guys are going to flirt with you and you're going to flirt with guys and you're not going. It was a really big deal. So when we finally were not together, I was so excited to be able to go to this golf tournament and not deal with that stress of like somebody else calling me, sending me text messages showing off like I didn't have to deal with it. But I was really worried because he knew that I was going to that golf tournament and what time it was in the location. And unfortunately, that golf course was not in an area that he was restricted from. So I was worried that he in that golf course, actually has two golf courses. So my worry was that he was going to book himself a tee time at one of the courses while I'm across the street at the other one. So because I was worried about it, I wanted to just call his probation officer and say, Hey, listen, I'm going to go to this golf course. I just want to give you a heads up because I'm a little worried that he might show up at the golf course on that day and he goes, Well, what's the name of the golf course? And I said in tennis. And he, his probation officer, was silent and he was like, He just reported it. Part time job at that course a couple of days ago and I was like, I just started crying and I'm like, So what does that mean? And he goes, Let me make a few calls and I'll call you back. So he ended up calling here me and calling the golf course and just letting them know that you are not to be at that golf course on that day at that time. Understood. And that's pretty much where it was left off. But had I not called that day, he may have showed up there. And then I mean, we are over a year now since I've been out and just a month, a month and a half ago, I had to file another report because I got a message from a guy and the guy was like, Hey, gorgeous, how's your day going? And I was like, I mean, I'm not even looking to be, so I didn't really want to entertain it, and I didn't. But the that individual's profile just kept popping up on my Facebook of people you may know. And I'm like, I don't know who this is, but I got serious. And so I did what most people would do, and I just went looking through his pictures. And oddly enough, in 2019, there's a picture of him in my ex at a golf course with their arms around each other. And I was like, Holy crap, because to kind of go back there a little bit. The first thing I noticed on this individual's Facebook profile was that they worked for the same company, but I was like, That's a total coincidence, because he lives up in, you know, the Waterville area and this individual lives in Biddeford, and that's an hour and a half an hour and forty five minutes away from each other. They just work for the same company. Total coincidence? But then when I went through the pictures and saw that in 2019, they were like, I mean, they were buddy, buddy. And then I started scrolling through his most recent pictures. They. He posted. And I noticed that my ex was commenting on those and they were talking back and forth. So that tells me they work for the same company. They were friends in 2019 on Facebook, which means this individual saw all the pictures of me and my ex because we used to act like we had the picture perfect relationship on social media. Never trust what you see out there. So this individual knew who I was. He saw all of my Facebook stuff. And so I end up reporting this to the domestic violence investigator and the probation officer. And they say they're going to look into it because they don't disagree that this is a total that this isn't a total coincidence. But when they called the other individual, the other individual was like, I didn't know that was his Olivia. And I'm like, I don't buy it. But because that's what he said, they can't do anything unless he said, Yeah, he told me a message for. They can't do anything about it. But it's like if I had entertained that conversation and had no idea that there was a connection with my abuser, what would have happened? I don't know. But it's one of those things where I have to be aware and super vigilant of anybody who reaches out and anything. And had I not looked into that, that profile, I would have had no idea that there clearly was some sort of connection there. So I mean, this is this is still going on and there is a protection order and he is on probation right now. And so he is very comfortable just walking that gray line and just kind of finding those loopholes. What's going to happen when the probation is up in the restraining order is no longer active? I don't know, but it just goes to show that I will always if my stalker is out there, it is a new reality. My life is not over. It may feel like it at times. My life is not over. But the new reality is I will always have to be super vigilant. I will always have to look over my shoulder and I have accepted that. I hope I never want that to be anybody's new reality. And it's just. But it is the the harsh reality of when you're dealing with the stalker, you can not let your guard down. You cannot ever let that guard down, unfortunately. How has this changed your career path? So I was working in insurance for those for a while, the credit union and the insurance industry, but it changed my career path for the better. I got out of this relationship. I started sharing my story on Tik Tok, which I started sharing my story on Tik Tok because I was just trying to put out the evidence that the police, the judge, nobody was ever going to see. I was like, This man is going to take my life, and I want the entire world to know what evidence I showed and what I experienced and what never what was never done. Because I want it to be able to help shape the legal system moving forward and help other people. But what I didn't expect to happen when that when that came out was that so many other people were going to say, Holy crap, I, I'm experiencing this to where I have experienced this or this. These text messages that you're sharing with me looks so identical. I didn't expect my story to validate other people for other people to say, Oh my goodness, I'm experiencing this now to or thank you for making me, you know, I just didn't realize how much of a community there really was out there. And that's just because we are so quiet about it. And our society has always told us what happens, what happens at home? Say that you don't talk about it. And even when I did start sharing my story, I had so many people who were like, Oh my gosh, don't say that he's going to sue you. This is going to happen. And I was like, Wait a second, if he can sue me and I get legal punishment for that, but he doesn't get punishment for all of the the evidence, in my truth. Then there's a problem right there, and I'm confident that that I can use that for power. So I did share my story and I did release his name. I did share his faith and because I wasn't lying, it's not slander, it's not defamation. And I wanted to show people that if you're lying about something, yeah, sure, you can be sued for that. But if you're telling the truth, there is nothing that anybody can do about it. And so that's kind of the direction I started to go, and then I realized that I could use my voice to help other people. But then I noticed that there were so many people that were in that same kind of situation where I was, where they didn't feel like they could get out because of financial issues. Or they don't have a car, they don't have housing, they don't have anywhere to go, they have kids or whatever it may be. There were so many reasons that people would just stay in those relationships, and I related to it because I know. How scary it is to to basically say, OK, I'm going to walk away from everything and and possibly be homeless because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if he's going to take my life and it was super scary. But I connected with an individual who was the CEO of a credit union service organization one night, and oddly enough, that CEO of that credit union service organization is the individual who had hired my ex back in the day to the other credit union service organization that he was the CEO of. And so we kind of were able to bond that way. And I found out that he was working on a program called Safe, and I was like, What is that about? And he said, Well, basically, it's a path to connect victims and survivors of domestic violence from a domestic violence resource center to a credit union. If there's a financial need and how can we help them? But the program, when he took it on, was completely broken. It had so many flaws. I mean, that's with anything you start up, you trip, you take off your knees and you find out what you need to do to to make it better. And so when I found out about that, I was like, Oh my goodness, I need to help you. I want to volunteer. I'm a survivor, so I have that survivor perspective, and I would love to just this would make me feel it would feel good for me to be able to take my pain and do something with it. And so I started volunteering, and as I volunteered, it was really amazing to see how this program was developing. I was like, Oh, my goodness, had this just been out there when I was going through my situation, this would have changed my life. And the problem is, is a lot of these domestic violence resource centers, they're overworked, they're understaffed, and they don't have the money or the resources that these victims and survivors needs. So sometimes a survivor or a victim is calling the Domestic Violence Resource Center, they're not getting the answers, they're not getting the help they need. And so what do they do, they say in that situation and or they feel that, you know, well, it's not really that bad. And if they can't help me or they don't know what a domestic violence resource program is like myself until you're going through it and someone's like, Hey, contact this person. But you know what? I noticed, I noticed those fires all the time in the bathroom. Now I'm like, Wow, like, that's like a 1980 marketing thing. Let's find a better way to market a domestic violence resource programs that more people know about it. So when I was going through this, I was working with the CEO of the U.S. and you know, it was interesting because he is a very, very brilliant, creative mind and he really, really wants to make sure that something like this never happens again. I mean, this impacted him and impacted myself and impacted a lot of people in the credit union movement. So everyone's like, wow, like, what can we do to help? And so as we started contact working with a lot of these other, I was getting on these calls again. This is voluntary at the time, getting on these calls and seeing these other programs, we're like, Well, I would love to donate my technology into your program or you have a CEO of a technology company who's like, I'm also a survivor. I would love to use my technology to help. And so it was really cool to start seeing all of these different companies who are like, How can I help? And I just want to mention that today we just got off an amazing phone call with Visa, who is like, Hey, we have some money. We would love to use our money to help out with this program. So there's so many people that want to help because almost 100 percent of the population is impacted by this. If they themselves are not a victim or a survivor and someone they love is. And that's just the fact. So a lot of people are so willing to help, and because not a lot of people talk about it, so many people feel like they're the only ones and that nobody else will understand that nobody else is going through it. But when you start talking about it, you realize that's not the case and that so many people want to help. So as I started volunteering with this program, it ended up crazy enough. One day they said, Hey, Olivia. So would you be interested in maybe getting paid for this work that you're doing? And I was like, What? So I mean, it's truly a dream job. I've been hired as the director of the Q, so now and I'm helping them, they'll build you safe. And it's really cool to be able to put my own survivor fingerprints on it because sometimes, you know, like my CEO, he's thinking about things from a technology standpoint and I'm like, Wait, a second, this is great. But the problem is, if people don't know what a domestic violence resource program is, they're never going to get to the credit union and they're never going to get the financial help. So where we now are going to try to solve that, so now we really want to U.S. to become the hub. We want it to be the hub. Nationally, somebody can go to see you safe. We can find out where their location is. Where their domestic violence resource is going to be. Get them to the Domestic Violence Resource Center. Let them tell their story one time so that they're not having to talk about it multiple times. And then if there is a financial need, get them over to a credit union and help them out with that. But then another very cool thing about the U.S. is that there's an individual who is it's an NBA. No, I don't remember the one that stands for, but it's basically telecoms that your Verizon, your U.S. cellular. And then you have like Mint Mobile, who just sold. So they're creating members mobile, which is going to be like Mint Mobile and members, Mobile said. Here's the thing this is an amazing program, but your first you need to fix. First is the communication part. A lot of the time that phone is under attack. And just as I was talking about today, my phone was constantly monitored. So you can't have if you don't solve for the fact that the phone is being monitored, they're not going to be able to make the calls that they need to make to get to the Domestic Violence Resource Center to get through that loan application, to get to the credit union. And so he was like, What if I donated SIM cards so that if if there is someone going through the situation, they can get a SIM card, it's super small. They can pop their other SIM card out when they need and put the other one and make the calls, then the text. They need to pop it out and put the other one in. And there's never no one's ever notified that card was removed and that information is completely separate. And my jaw dropped. I was like, Holy crap, then that is amazing. And yes, that needs to be done. So it's really cool. We have not officially launched, but we are. We're working very hard. I'll probably work until 11 o'clock tonight because I want this to be like out there now. I don't want it to be out there in two months, three months, four months from now. And it has been launched and it is currently active in Albuquerque. But it's really more the buggy, the horse and the buggy. It's not the Ferrari yet, but the Ferrari is around the corner. So I have been able to take everything that I went through through my childhood. Through my following it, I learned with that cycle of. I said I was never going to be. My mom landed in an abusive relationship, but I broke that cycle and now I'm taking all of my experience and what I went through, and I am putting my survivor fingerprints on a program that I firmly believe is going to be a national program that's going to help so many people get out of these relationships and get them not only get them out, but set them up for success. Are saying Is that you safe? Is not a handout? It is a hand up because we want to help you. We want to lift you up. And then we want to not only get you through that, but like, how can we continue on that path to success? And that is the most rewarding thing that I have ever experienced, and I never wish anybody to ever go through abuse or stalking. But if you do go through it and you do get out, you have so much insight, so much knowledge, so much experience that you can use to help other people. And I think that is the most powerful thing. It is the most rewarding thing. And if I hadn't gone through all of that, I would not be working this job that I'm so passionate about that I can work 80 hours a week and not feel like I'm working. So that's kind of how it's changed my career. And I believe that, you know how I want to go back to where I said, I want to be the CEO one day I might be the CEO one day. So that's kind of how it's changed. That's absolutely amazing. If anyone out there is listening and they either want to help with this program or they need help from a program like this, how can they get more information or reach out to you? Absolutely. So the best recommendation if you want to get more information about it, you'll go to see you soul dot org that see you soul dot org. You'll notice that we have three initiatives, but you'll want to look at this the safe initiative. And there is an email on there that you can reach out to, but you can also reach out to myself at Olivia O L I V I A Dot, Engström E and G S T R O M at C Yucel dot org. And as I said, right now, we're currently launched in Albuquerque, New Mexico, but we are super excited because we are about to be a national program which is so exciting but scary at the same time. So what will happen is we are going to be finding credit unions that want to be part of the initiative we haven't gotten to know yet. So if you do, I would highly. Personally, I wish that you reach out to me directly at my email that I just provided, and that way I can get your name and find out where you're located and find a credit union in that area. That'll give me an idea of what territories we need to enter into next. However, that doesn't just because it's in Albuquerque, New Mexico right now. That does not mean that you can't get access to this program right now, if you can. But as I said, right now, it's a horse and buggy. So that SIM card that I was talking to you about and and all the additional technology that's going to come within the next few months, I don't want you to wait a couple of months. If you're listening and you feel that this resonates with you, I can get you the help that you need and get you connected with the program sooner rather than later. So again, I'm just going to say my email one more time. It's Olivia Oyeleye VII, a dot angstrom e and G s t r o and at C U Soul C U Social dot org. Olivia. It's remarkable the work that you're doing to help others, and we thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Olivia. If anyone out there is in need of help or is a victim of stalking? Please reach out. You can find a list of resources on our Instagram at Strictly Stalking Pod if you'd like to share your story with us on strictly stalking. You can reach us at Strictly Stalking Pod at gmail.com. That's strictly stalking pod at gmail.com. As a listener of Strictly Stalking, please leave a review and read us five stars on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music or wherever you listen. I'm Jake Deptula and I'm Jamie Baby. Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Strictly Stalking.
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