Jorge Masvidal Offers Brendan Schaub A FIGHT! | TFATK Ep. 915

Transcript

Yes, we did, because we back at it again, it's the father and the kid. This is really the father of the kid. Come on, baby. Got the great. You've got a great voice. Oh, I know it's probably don't know David, but I bet on the fighter in again. No, damn, that gets me fired up. Why can't that be our intro? Let's go. And the kid is from f**king copy and Iron Maiden, I guess, in my bedroom as a kid, bro, that's what I want to use that as our intro, which is just that I ran to get the final look. It's really it. Yeah. Oh, it's good, man, he's bringing it back. Wrestling room rat first rat album. Yeah, out on the streets. That's where we meet. Did you ever see the Iron Maiden, the court, the sort of like court case? And they asked the lead singer because this guy, they were being sued because this kid committed suicide listening to the song and he they asked him out of some f**king song. I don't know what they asked him to sing the song Rime of the Ancient Mariner. He actually sang it. Acapella is like, Hey, man, hey man, I don't want to. And the guy f**king darkness. What is the thing you do at the end? What is like? What is the thing you're like me like? And he goes, That's just how I breathe. My next person is so awkward. No, all the BS, the sacrifice going on tonight. But they didn't actually say they got away with it. They can actually sing in that now. I mean, it's like we wrote a song, dude. I mean, what do you want me to do? Are you going to sue me for it? Well, remember they tried blaming Marilyn Manson on the Carmine stuff, and they said, Well, they said, Marilyn Manson, what would you have said to those kids, the Columbine shooters? And he said, I wouldn't have said anything. I want to listen. And that's it. No one ever more powerful than they talk for 11 minutes. You're like, I've heard enough. Yeah. Oh, by the way, here's a crazy idea one guy was a sociopath bats**t crazy. You know, he's a psychopath. He had a history of psychotic behavior. Oh, yeah, animals and this piece of s**t. Then they tried going after the parents. Like, Where were you? You got 100 squirrels in the f**king basement, dead and done. Yeah, well, figure it out. My kid was so depressed, apparently, that he got manipulated by the psychopath. The psychopath was the one who really orchestrated it, as Colin Quinn would say. All right. Yeah, I guess it takes all kinds, you know? You know, the fly said when he walked over the mirror. It's one way of looking at it. Yeah, it's. Anyway, gang, it's good to see Brandon again. Brandon, I was so I had so much fun last time, and you guys, George and Jen, do a good job of like editing the clips and everything made it very easy for me to Georgie does other Georgie does it all. And but then I'm like, You know, I would post it post. If we collaborate, then I'm reading the comments. I was like, Do your friends like you owe us? Oh my god, yeah. So it's I was like, Oh, I remember this world. Well, those aren't fans. You know, those are listen in and post exactly there for other listeners. You specifically, I'm like, this Brandon does is f**king try to help others in my own business, but they don't know that. Yeah, they just think they do, though, is c**ky football player. And that's that's how they I don't think that's it. I think player, huh? Well, you mean, do you want to stop playing 20 years back in the day? Yeah, I do think that if people saw the s**t you do behind the scenes, they'd be like, Oh, I don't think about it. No, no, no. They wouldn't care. They'll do those for you. We can't win some people. Just some people hate you for no. You know what? You know, Reggie Jackson said fans don't boo nobody's s**t. He also said when he had his third home run in the World Series, a reporter goes, What were you thinking as you rounded the bases? It goes the magnitude of me. But it's true. I know like all three pages, you just hit three home runs in the World Series, rounding second, like, god, damn, I'm a motherf**king cheat. The worst thing to do if you're really famous is read comments like like, Yeah, these, you know, any of these athletes I see are these like, you could still read them? Yeah, I mean, I don't. I never have. I never had that level. But I think you have to hit a certain, you know, your medium. Well, I never have come on because I think you know who does is Kevin Durant. He's a f**king he's a beast. God damn these guys. In the end, there was a Twitter chat. Is it called Twitter Chat? Twitter. Twitter where you do a group chat? Oh yeah. And the name of the group was Kevin Durant is not top five and he crashed it. He went, and he just talked to them like the way you all look at the game is trash, Mike, dude. All I know about you is you are top five. Oh, and every time you do this, it makes me just think you're an idiot. It's pretty cool to like to do that. Like, some people like to engage with it, and it's it's their pastime. I don't think it's healthy either way. Well, I learned to get it gets to them, but I think the good and the bad are both destructive in a way because the good work will define you and you'll start aiming for it. So I think it's I think it's poison all the way around, but also my heroes growing up, whether it was in standup or in athletics, they'd even have the option. Who were your heroes growing up? What's your bag? What's your budget to? Oh man. Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler. Junior said, Do yeah, you got a fighter nickname? Yeah, it's your harder to do. Dude, that's very good. My faith, you know? Well, don't you know, you don't know where I'll go. If he did, he'd be in his movies. All those boys, I'm available. I like that. I like that. He takes care of his boy. He's super loyal. Yeah, he forces definitely transcends those deals. He's like, I'll do it, but I miss my crew and I like man of the world. I was, I know a fighter and a kid. Who are your favorites? Who do you look up, Carlin? Yeah, me too. Oh my God, I tell you. Oh yeah. Chappelle, anybody with Ellen. Their last name. Attell and Adele. Adele at how good is to tell how good is f**king David? Tell him I had a guy call me yesterday and I answered the phone. Guess who's not crying? And he knew exactly what I was saying. Like, he goes, You know that I tell it that you wish you could have sex with the first person you ever had sex with again, just to show him how good you got at it. Hey, look, who's not crying? And I'm like, Big Boy, best, you know the family story with me and him know me and David Teller in our office. It's like 2:00 in the morning. We're smoke. We're not doing any work. We don't need a tell with this. Our life. Yeah, we shared an office. I didn't know that. And we're like, we're smoking cigarettes, like flicking each other in the dick guy stuff. Yeah. And Farley walks in. It's like two a.m. And just finally f**king Farley walks and he's like, What are you guys doing? And at the same time, we both said, we'll pay you one hundred dollars to take a s**t out the window. Like creepy twins, like, we looked at each other like, what are the odds that we said that exact sentence will pay one hundred dollars? Take a s**t out the window and Farley goes, Give me the money first. So we're just like, put money on that. So it's like coins and dollar bills, and he puts the money in his pocket. Then he like lifts up the desk. Farley was Herculean strong. Yeah, he lifts the desk up and the coins. I get a cartoon slide down the desk into his pocket like it was crazy. And he goes out on the window and puts the window. This is the 17th floor. And he puts the window on the back of his neck, and he's just he just starts grinding it. And it was obvious like right away that Chris Farley did not have to s**t at all because it was like purple. Like he was like, duh, and it's Farley. So he's like, Oh, sorry, we had. And after like two minutes, this little like Newton without any Newton drops out of Chris's a*s and goes in the window onto my desk. And I remember just sitting there like showbiz, right? Show biz. This is you want to make it kid. This is how you got started. That's what I tell you as a writer. I'm sorry. Yeah. I had no idea. He's so brilliant. He's so like, Who is that guy? It's like a big boy. Something about mace that really bothers my eyes makes me lose my erection. Do you have a do you have like a holy s**t? I'm in show business moment because I got one better than that. I really I'm not really listening to yours. I'm just like, Here's give me here. Said it, OK? Anyway, my behavior is not as good as yours. What you got to when you've had some big moments. When I did the Paris theater in Vegas, when I went to get paid, the guy was writing me my check and they had a dry erase board of all the acts that month and I was between Chaka Khan and Tony Bennett. Oh Jesus, man. Hey, everybody. Damn, I heard James Comey. You missed the Saturday dance. He's funny now. OK. Hi, Brandon. Oh, you know, the Virginia basketball coach is named Tony Bennett. No, the college basketball coach. Yeah, he's great Cavaliers. And one year during the NCAA tournament, he had a heart attack and he took a knee on the court. And so Twitter was was f**king like a bully. Just trending. Tony Bennett heart attack Tony Bennett, Tony Bennett, Tony Bennett, the singer who like 80 and getting a little, you know, he tweets, Everybody, I'm out, there's a horse. Don't believe what you hear, like how they throw thirty thousand retweets. It's just so funny. Like, nobody's talking like there's another Tony Bennett or about that guy. Four days later, he tweeted, When Frank Saget, your dies. When Frank Sinatra junior died, his next tweet, like four days later, my heart goes out to the Sinatra family and the death of Frank Jr. like 11 retweets. Hey, everybody, I'm fine. Box out now. But because when Tony Bennett doing stuff with Lady Gaga, yeah, they did the duet. His voice is his voice is just unbelievable, still at 90. It was a soccer match. It wasn't bad. But then when it's next to Lady Gaga, it's like a powerhouse. Have you heard them sing together? It's interesting, really. I mean, it's a good dance. Yeah. Like, they're just kind of like the talk sing. Yeah, they get it here, honey. Let me put a nickel in the machine. Nick. Oh my god. Yeah. And she's just hitting the notes is all. Yeah, it is a good actress. Amy Winehouse is trying to sing with with him. How's she doing? And she's so. So you didn't hear but bring up the article on her Tony Bennett? No, she just couldn't. She kept quitting. She kept stopping. I'm not good. No, no. She was so nervous, but they killed it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they did. Well, yeah, yeah, he said. He said he was sorry. He didn't tell her how important she was. I really saved Tony Benn and really killed Amy Winehouse for not saying that. But he's the reason. Yeah, you were in Denver. You did all the morning shows. Yeah, I did. Will you winning shows the best, right? Yeah, Lewis and Kathy, they're great. And it's just good people. Man, I love those those. Jamie Lewis is Rick Lewis is a solid guy. Like, they'll have you on. They'll stretch the clock. He's like a guy's guy. Like a boxer. Yeah, he he's like, he like takes fights like he's a boxer. Yeah. I never talked to him about that. I was like, Oh. He's a big guy. He's a big guy. He's a big sort of. But Matt McChesney is is I was watching videos. Yeah, he teaches college in high school kids and have to get ready for college, and he gets them ready. Like, it's like he's intense. He teaches them on football. Oh kid, you f**king get your f**king arm that I could lay some pads on. Somebody's got this. You know, when you know this, like because I was out of show business for a couple of years. And sure, you look at my IMDb page, it goes from like movies with Forest Whitaker and Al Pacino. And then all of a sudden, it's like nothing. Nothing. Talking dog movie. I did one of those, but I'm not a lead dog. I'm like a salesman at Chewy Vinton. I work at Baak Williams, so I was out of my point when I came, when I came back into stand up after, like rehab and all that. Maybe not such great cities like that I wasn't thrilled about is pretty humbling, but we're like the first shows at six p.m.. Yeah, 5:30 p.m. People are eating salad. Kill myself. I want. I want to kill myself, though. You do them. I did a morning show and I did. The TV gets dicey and I did. I think it was Grand Rapids. I did the morning. Good morning, Grand Rapids. And I went on after a blind girl hit a free throw and then somebody got a big, long stick. So somebody had a big, long stick and their tap in the backboard so she could, like, hone in on it. So go back. Yeah, like a bad sonar location. She hit it. You draw the crowd goes nuts in the audience. We'll hear it anymore. I'm like, What the f**k am I going to follow that? I shiver in the air, right? I miss the old days when you just didn't follow somebody making an omelet. All those morning TV shows like, Oh, if I can, three points when you do so, those morning TV shows like How are you guys keep the lights on? But you look around, you like, who's watching? How do you do it in the first place? Like that also, but they're the same everywhere you go, like, Hey, I'm sitting here with J. Moore, how do you feel? And then it's like the guy the weather guy just walks over from the green screen goes, OK, ready. Yeah. Or they've done no research like, yeah, we had Jane Moore, Jerry Maguire. That was a big fight, huh? Any pranks on set? What are the pranks like? Yeah. Well, one time I took a s**t in Tom Cruise's mouth that Cuba Gooding Jr. ever got him. You know, it's like he's actually Dominican and evildoers. How did you get to know Tom Cruise at all? Know he was great. He's great, right? That f**king wattage. Yeah, he he my dad said to me, Tom Cruise, the greatest like man you'll ever meet in your life. He's like Dale Carnegie. Like, it's nuts. And my dad goes, my dad raised in the same races as Tom Cruise. Oh yeah, he told us. And then when you saw me. Yeah, yeah. Thank God, I was trying to help. Yeah, thanks to help you. You're like a comment before. I only have like 14 stories. Just a little loop. Yeah, I don't know. It's just a it's a lazy to get super quiet. By the way, I got caught in a hailstorm for those bad out there in Denver. I couldn't be. But by the way, we really stopped talking well. I couldn't believe I was just thinking about this weather. No, I was thinking about this because I like your car gets destroyed. I didn't know that. But that's insane. And I'm driving back. Some people might call this the sin of banality. Yeah, well, that's true. But I mean, when you're when your windows get like this big, when you get a tornado that hail to my mind, he's got a convertible. Yeah. Parents at a tree fell in their house picking nuts, man. That's no to say there was a hailstorm. Would you drive to Denver? Well, I drove back from the airport and started raining and also, I swear to God the car started my bow down and the guy goes, This is going to f**k my car up, and I'm like, Are you kidding me right now? And then you get caught out there. I punch people, got killed in there and I went to the front. How many people will be especially injured? You had to be especially the killer that most people say was at a concert. Like, Hell, yes. I mean, I've been hit with a golf ball sized hail, and if I can hurt, but for it to kill you, I'll be a real policy. List of costly or color apathy, this one right there injures nearly 100. Look at that. Oh, wow. 100 yeah. Injured because when they're big like that? Yeah, I don't think I know it was probably more from getting trampled as people were running. No, nobody died. Brian and I want someone to die. Three people died in Texas. Tennis ball sized hail storm. Jeez. That's a. It hurts. It blows out. Will he be saying his car was out there and all the windows got out? I mean, it's rare. It happens like that, but happened when I was in college. But you can that help? I mean, if I can hurt feels like just, you know, B.B. Gun. Yeah. How's the weather with you, A.J.? Well, falling rectangles. Hey, only three people have been killed by hail, hail stones. So if you get killed by hail, you're an a*****e. That's what I'm saying. I mean, in 1930 and a baby babies are really easy to kill. Terrible. Unfortunately, if you're like old in a wheelchair, you just get stuck out there. You'd see it lightening up, but it's going to happen eventually. Oh, just grab your jacket and put over your iPhone. You can survive there. The highest hailstorm death year on record was 1888. Holy s**t. All right. Well, that's great. That's like, that's like, you f**king go to Florida and go to the store. You guys want anything. You. No on. We'll talk well, let's shift to the snake bite. Yeah. Your energy was good today because the Lakers signed the Great White Hope. Our boy, Reeve Austin Reeve, leaves me pretending I know he does and he doesn't fall back. We're going to sign on to Austin Rivers. He's the white dude on the Lakers. Like the only way to win. He's a ball in the playoffs. He's a ball. That's all Brian. He's A. Yeah, a white guy and hired by his jersey. Now I'm an athletic baller, but I thought I thought he was going to leave because you see some of the context that are offering is that because they have the right to match restriction, I'm just saying, don't doing it wrong. He's a baller, but you don't can pay him on twenty million. Yeah, you know, like some of these guys would have, they would have paid him whatever it was. Oh man, whatever it was, they would imagine it would match it because he's just he's a generational talent or at least a generational like, yeah, like box office talent. Like people love watching this guy play really just a f**king grinder. But it's hard to say scrappy. He's a scrappy f**ker. What is he? Yeah, and he always gets contact. He's always at the free throw line. And he had like, It's when you make the 3s to give you three percentage is good. That's great. But if you're making threes again in a playoff game and it's from half court at the buzzer to put you up 11, it's like, I love this guy. Yeah, yeah, he was a real. His mom sat right behind me at one of the playoff games, and I was like, Why does he keep? I didn't realize it, but I'm like, Why does he keep looking over here? So after he made a big play, he looked over at his mom and I was like, This is like, I just want to like, That's all anybody at all. Everything that's wrong with us are good when it all goes back to the living room as a kid. I just want you to look at me. That's what I'm doing. That's why I'm standing in front of the TV. That's exactly right. And then like, he did a three and be like going to the free, free throw line. He's like. It's about one time we're at the Lakers game, and my son, so he guess is like he was 10 and Rajon Rondo. Who looks kind of like a gargoyle anyway? Yeah, he just keeps looking at my son going. Like doing gang signs and my son starts crying like, why is I no game looking at me? And we're all like, and I don't know, like Rajon Rondo is like, really mad dog at my son. His parents were sitting right by his hole. There was like 11 Rondo, like three rows behind me, look like Rondo. He looks like he should be outside, like the St. Regis in Manhattan. But fourth floor looking down to traffic? That's Franklin material. Wow. He's a Celtic for a while. He's a good player. There he is with his head on crooked what? What position as the other guy play Reeves is he is a guard guard. Yeah, but where do you see the money? Some of these free agents, Daniel? I guess that dude's worth 100 mil 300 mil. Do you remember getting paid? Not a salary cap. You're like the evolution of why is that like? Well, it's like that that LaVar LaMelo Ball signed a deal. It was like three years of go with 200 million, four years to one million. But they showed he'll make more in those four years, and Jordan made his entire career. Now it's different, like after the inflation stuff like that. It's just that there's more money in the game now. But it's also simple compared to that. Yeah, but in four years, that's going to be a middle of the pack contract, correct? Because that happened with Mike Conley when he signed a massive contract with, I guess, it was the jazz. I was like, God, how do you pay that guy that much? And like, three years go by and he's just in the middle of the pack? Well, that's like the salary cap goes up. That's like Stephen A. Smith when Pat McAfee signed with ESPN recently and I was like, Man, he's making so much more money than you. And he's like, This is a good thing. He's like, This is good. This is great. He goes, I've here's my contract end of it ends at the end of this year. Now I know what I have. You know, now I know, I know, I know. Yeah, I like. How about ESPN lays off like four hundred and forty people, but they give this guy a hundred and ten million and he's getting so much. Why did ESPN lay off all those people? 21 people on air talent? I don't know. No one's paying attention. When you go woke, your brother. Is that what it is? Oh yeah, because because because he started going away from sports and it's like all this weird political stuff, right? They start to dive into that. People matter. People watch him. I'm trying to see if the Yankees beat the Red Sox, why are what they did for me? I did a poll on Tapan. Yeah, they did a poll on the affirmative action thing when the Supreme Court, you know, overturned that the media is going crazy, right? Michelle Obama and everybody but the majority of Americans black, brown, white, Asian, all are against race based. Correct. You know, it's just interesting. And Brian's talked to them all. I have, according to polls to say this. But ESPN, like they let go of like Jalen Rose, Mike Van Gundy, like all these people, it's like, What do you do? Who's white? Yeah, it doesn't matter, right? Who cares? Yeah. Yeah, it's yeah. Yeah. s**t happens if you don't. I mean, it's like, Yeah, I'm with you. Like, we've been through the barrel. We've gone f**kin time out. I'm in it now. Yeah, it's going to do. And at the end of the day, nobody cares. No. Yeah, but also we wait for the next guy to jump on. We're we live in a truly capitalistic, market driven economy. I'm talking about comics and actors like, there's nobody. Nobody's coming to help you. There's no bailout. There's nothing you either you or we'll see you later. But you got to put butts in the seat or not. And nobody can, really. It's interesting, like a lot of people don't live that way. It's where our whole existence is subjective. Our entire career is whether or not other people like us and go like, nobody has it like that. Like this guy said it like, they're funny guys, right? But they just there's a task. They complete the task. You go, OK, cool. Like, they know they completed a task. Yeah, like, you know, like if I'm a clerk, I put these things away and then I go over here and then I write this report and I hand it to that guy. That's just how it's just a machine. It's just a hive that goes. Our whole thing is whether or not strangers hundreds at a time are like, he was like, You've Rick, and you have to get their attention to begin with. So they come to see you right now. That's why I opened with a joke. Oh, oh, I'm off the Joker. I'm so f**king proud of that joke. I'll take it. I'm so proud of that f**king f**king joke. I just thought. But then what? Then now, as a comic or even in podcasts like the like, get the deep up you compete with so much. Yeah, but most of the garbage? Yeah, it's garbage. Yeah, but these are great. Some of the garbage people deal with, you know, and this guy, I don't have resentment here that anyone can see. So I'm like, Oh, that's insane. Every comic on Instagram is doing crowd work. Yeah. Mike, what what they don't want to do is that your new stuff? They don't want to waste on the networks, so people copy it. So Matt Rife is really great at it. And he's no, no, no, no, no. But people follow that life is new. You can't say Matt, Matt just got on as far as big, but he's got famous. You guys say Matt Rife. It sounds like you're making fun of Asians. Oh, my, right? My God, he's not right. I pronounce it in Mandarin. Rife, Schultz, you've been doing for four years. Yeah, but I'm saying that's like six, two stark examples, but most, you know, and then everybody copies that. But two people that really made it work for themselves. Has anybody really gotten a deal doing crowd work? The answer is, I believe no. Do a fine deal. Divine deal. As far as selling that, like from Live Nation for Taunya and those people, you don't get a deal that like you get paid per touring, but deals isn't as in. You know, I got to get out of this f**king business. If I well, if crowd work helps all my opening access, it's oh, my opening acts are selling out arenas now. It's a yes, whatever you it's whatever. Get whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I never been able to really turn. I'm in Appleton. Yeah, yeah. Not anymore. Not anymore. Yeah. But then then also your five back club back. Yeah, it's not bad club, but then you're fighting the demon of YouTube, too that Rogan called it. But it was just like when he went out. He's a Disney get out. It's going to get worse. Like, I get that, but we're not YouTube. So if we jump, we lose the fan base like we're not you. When you get out of what YouTube YouTube, because YouTube censored it like, if we cuss early on this, it's suppressed. So the freedom speech on YouTube is no longer that like Tim, except for in the comments he did. Yeah, a lot of people get like, Well, why? Why? Because they're suppressing everything he'll talk about. Who are you talking about? Tim Dillon. Matt, I mean, it's because of the way he talks about it. They suppress it, whatever, because he sits and they don't like it. Boom. Well, I don't think these guys, Tim Dillon, doesn't like black people. They should take him up. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a stretch. I mean, whereas his First Amendment, right, it's like eighty five south. There's three comics that they tore together. They do arenas now. They're massive. But early on, I think three black guys. Yeah. Yes. Which, you know, if I say. But yeah, you go being a young fellow. The idea of DC. But what they did early on is they said they would meet with YouTube because one of their videos would do well over a million views. Twenty six thousand views over three months, they would do like they would be getting sixty thousand dollars a month and next month they would get ten thousand. I'm like, Oh, you can't, you can't run a business like this, right? It's up to their discretion now. You know how it is. Like, I argue with YouTube all the time when you go to them. They don't give you any explanation. Like, No, we just don't agree with it. Yeah, but tell us why. Like, nope, sorry. So what they do is built their own platform like, really? Well, we're going to get we'll put a highlight on YouTube and still have our page. But now everyone has come over here. We're doing our survey on Rumble or they're just on MySpace, my MySpace page. What are the guys names sound like you were calling in an airstrike or something? Eighty five south. Yeah. And what are the guys names? DC Young Fly. Eighty five DC Young Fly. Clear. Who else? It's a Josh PBR street gang. This is Mother Goose. Eighty five South DC Young fly all your remaining firepower within my compound. They're massive, though. Massive. That's three guys. DC young guy. Yeah. Do you? Did you? You did you. What are their names? I'm really asking Carlos Miller. Chico, where the f**k are your eyes? Chico being holy. f**k, yeah. Yeah, you don't have a voice in the black hole sun. VIDEO Wow. Yeah. Are you a demon? He can see I'm endorsement. Yeah, you can't. You can't see it. You guys related? No. Oh, it takes all kinds, you know, being observational, guys, just say DC young boy, just like fly Chico being there's two. This is another DC young fly young fly. That's one guy she could see young for. His wife just passed. His girl just passed away. So as DC Young Fly Chico being who's like the brains operation and Carlos Miller and Carlos Miller and Carlos Miller, and he's a cooler name, you get a Chico being, you're going to roll him. You need a cool name. Give me a call. I feel like Crossface, Crossface, crossface face killer nearside cradle. Yeah. Crossface, I greens what wrinkles rinks for him. Yeah. Nobody's saying fly rings, and he's a good clown name he brings. Let's take a little break from chat with our good buddy DJ Moore. One of the best do the best to do it. We're here to talk about nuts. We love macadamia nut house. A macadamia is how you get macadamia nuts that don't break your bank. They they have. They're not just for Jeff Bezos. 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The the macadamia bars, the creamy nut butters. They got extra virgin macadamia oil. Yeah, white. And they're giving you guys a discount house like they never run discount. Yeah, dude. Very special deal. It's July 4th. Let's get weird. Oh, limit time. They're giving you a free box of forty five percent macadamia snack bars, one of each flavor of the variety pack. When you visit House of Macadamias.com/ TFA k, you get tips off your entire order. Plus, the snack bars variety pack that has a macadamias.com/ TFA, a.k.a. We're back. I think we're too old for nicknames at this point. I think so too. And that's when you know, we found the body so right. That's right. And that was, I remember, weeping over the holes I used to get a tattoo as well. I think there's nothing I would get. Hey, this might be a hot take, but I'm not a Biden fan any facet. But Hunter Biden looks pretty fun to hang out with. He does. This guy looks like he's a blast. Back in the day when I was wild. Yes, it looks like he'd been a good co-pilot. Yeah, he traveled hundreds of miles an hour in town, big his loud mouth on meth and a f**king crew. How do you f**k up that headline with a photo of one seventy two circled in red? And the headline said 175. How the what f**king outlet is that? Why do I curse? Wow, though? And he's in a terrible horse, going 100 miles an hour on meth. And you out of your mind? He's gone. That's why now? And there's a hooker in the car. I'm just saying I don't condone what he's doing, but it seems like a fun time back in the best. That's why not condone it. Who gives a s**t? Yeah, you're right. Well, because you kill other people. I guess drivers look at him. He's all cracked out right there. God damn. Yeah. Baby shoes in his mouth. I'm going to f**king take. Never pay, never take the first white on the color chart at the dentist's office. No, no. You look like Audrina Partridge unless you're like, like, just move a couple down, get like the office. It's too obvious. Yeah, like their money that way. That's true. But the stuff to back out on them is nuts. Then he got a slap on the wrist, right? And where most people got away for like six o'clock black went away for three years. Yeah, well now. But then they leaked his WhatsApp tax, and now he's kind of like, What do you mean? There's more stuff in that him talking to the Chinese government threatening for 10 million, they deposit the 10 million the bank account cracking on pay for itself. Maybe that, boys, while he did some s**t. Hey, this is the other thing, though, like I can kind of understand some of it. Like, let's say. But, you know, let's say you were a big time in the government, you take care of your boys. Yeah, I'm saying like, I understand. Hunter Biden has no business being, you know, the middleman with Ukraine and China. But boy, we got to give him a job. We got. Well, what is yours might? Here's here's the rub. It's like, so you're the vice president's son. What's your advice? Your dad is nothing to do. He could just be. Never talk to you. What happens is other those companies, those f**king companies from Ukraine, China, wherever they might be, they come to you. They come to you. And they say, we'd love to give you a job. We want to pay you a million dollars to sit on our board, which is one which is why I said, I accept and you have no experience in the oil business. You're not going to say, no, you're going to go, you want to fly me first class to have a meeting and then just put me on a payroll and you're paying me one point five million. Absolutely. OK, I'll do with bonuses. If we do well, either you're going to European, you got the he's his smuggler, he's got hookers, he's getting paid. His dad could have done nothing and he. But they obviously, obviously there's a pay to play. Obviously, they wanted to say some things, or at least just get Biden's attention. And there's going to be corruption. But will the corruption too? He's got to do it. Yeah. But when it starts influencing the dad too and the dad's receiving money, well, his dad in that situation would probably his dad was smart himself. Your trouble travel, the father would say, Don't do this. They're doing it because but we all know this like the Clinton, the Clinton Foundation. The minute Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election, all funding dried up. Nobody was giving money to foundations. There's no favorite. But why would you? So what are the biggest company countries like Saudi Arabia were giving an option, but why if she lost? I wouldn't say what it was, but it was obviously that proved that it was a slush fund. Of course, that proved that it was all f**king bulls**t, but that's across the board how it goes. So what's the hope like the Chinese oligarch? The word oligarch? I don't know what it means. What do you think, the Chinese oligarch? Yeah, like their hope is that Hunter Biden at Thanksgiving goes, Dad, you know what? You should really talk to a duck son. Yes, that is the dad goes. Oh, and he just goes into f**king he goes down to the boat house and goes, Ducks on. Yeah, my son said, You're a nice guy. Yeah, I just wanted to know like, Oh, well, no more and more of that. If there's a contract and they want, you know, to pass, there's political, there could be a political push or just a nod in that direction. That's a bunch of f**king crooks, all of them. You know, I was listening. I listen to radio in the car all the time, like, I like talk radio. Me too. And I listen to like the right wing talk radio. There isn't really a lot of left wing. Maybe you'll let me know in the comments, but the right wing does always go like, well, people say Trump did this, but Biden did that earlier, and it's like, Well, then why is in your show? All of these people suck. Yeah. Like, why are you picking a side on this political team? If the whole highway is f**king in need of repair? Correct. Take your thoughts off the air. It's exactly right, that's that's where that's where Washington becomes an economy of influence. So there's no difference, after all, between Democrats and Republicans, it's just about being in a position where you can help someone out. And that's when you know, there's a great book. And he says, there's one line it, he said, you know, you have a problem. You know, you have a problem when good people must behave corruptly to survive and that's what you get in your pocket. Is. Mm-Hmm. But book you say, well, it's called Republic lost by Lawrence Lessig, and he's a constitutional scholar out of the Kochel says. Do people get the government they deserve? Right? Yes, but we have lost, he says. We are losing our republic. As long as you got major problems for Americans, and Congress is spending most of their time doing what? Arguing about swipe fees for banks because that to get some elected. And if you're a congressman, you spend 60 percent of your time off campus, meaning all of our boy, our boy, if he's on a roll. I know I was trying to get us out, but our boy, Robert F. Kennedy, he had a lot of momentum. And boy, did you forget his Democrat boy? Did he f**k up? He lost a lot of the momentum cues like. And also, I want to take away guns. Americans went, Oh well, joy, I sent you that article on him. Did I read it now? Interesting. I saw who made it, and I was like, I'm going to pass, you know, a party I vote for down ballot block party block party is what I'm talking about, bro. Remember whatever having a block party when you're a kid, they close off the street, goes off the street. All the adults are. They drink in your bouncy house. You always realize that you have you really good. Jump on your bicycle, you jump your friends. Kids would line up on the ground. You never want to be the kid on the end. No, no. And then I remember we had this guy. Steve lived down the street. He had Down syndrome and we would make him chase us and we'd go in there and. We go in the back door of my house and we run out the front door house and we'd stand in the driveway and just watch him run back and forth in my house like that was good time to get that. That's what it's like. Tomorrow's July 4th good times like our kids don't know July 4th and then stand very still. Yeah, it doesn't seem so easy to pick us up by our balls. You're so strong, right? Yes, I think that's it's like scoring. Look, I think it affected my erection in my whole area for the rest of my life because like, I mean, it was like many times a year he'd come home from my kids school and he went to school like somewhere else, right? And when he was home, he knew how to whistle really good and he would whistle and we would hear it and we would look and just like hide, like we'd run into the woods. But he would open up, you know, find us. He was like, the Terminator. And I remember once we were under Todd Piper's couch in his basement, like his parents had a bar with like leather couches and there was like a TV stand. But it was close, like you couldn't see in there, like it was close. So we go under the couch and we went, it was like an elk, OK? It was an old couch and there was a TV stand here over the coffee table, but it was closed here. So we we crawled under the couch and we went under where the TV thing was. The coffee table was like, you couldn't see us. And remember, we were just under there and we just hear footsteps coming down like he lived down the f**king street and he walked inside. Todd Piper's house went into the basement and just reached in and oh by the night out, by our dicks like I. And then he just would go home. Was he older than you guys? Yeah, he sounds like Steve. He'd molested you guys. Are you? Maybe if I didn't say his last name, it's a soul brother. You know, it was weird, obviously. Like, my not hurt now. Literally like talking about it. In Denver, there was a an advertisement, huge advertising and said it had one guy, famous guy I can remember. And I think a baseball player. And then it had somebody with Down Syndrome, another baseball player, and said yes. And it said Down syndrome people have have just as much a right to a job and a good way of life. And it's like, Well, I know. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not saying the book is saying, what the f**k is saying? They don't mean I don't want to advertise advertisment, so I'm flying my plane. But he can serve the PR because I've been I've been always, I've been. I've always railed against them having any kind of dignity and having like a right to it. I don't know anybody who's like one of these days. We can't have them having anything that's not a sexy lobby. No, no. It's like, All right. Yeah, we agree. But why did I the professional baseball players? Are you saying you want that Stevie Kid throw curve balls right for the country? Is it next to the office that's against slavery, too, that you guys have got Sharon office? You guys anti-slavery to social justice. People have freedom. So we should just take Sprayberry and go, No s**t. Yeah, of course. But what a waste of money. Yeah, I just that kind of s**t drives me f**king nuts. Resort back to the block party. There's not many black and also July 4th, when I was a kid, my dad used to take us to the fire worked like the 10th they put up. You grab the basket, put on all those dope like black hats in the 80s. My kids have never wants to fight. You know, I grew up overseas and I never have anything to relate to when people talk about their careers overseas. I didn't move here till I was 14, but it's weird when people say, Remember we had I grew up on a block, ever. He grew up here. I was born in the Philippines, and then we moved to India, Calcutta and Bombay and then Big House and then Lebanon and then Pakistan. Then Lebanon again broke out and we were stuck there for a while, and then we got evacuated to Greece and then Saudi Arabia. And then I know there's about 13 years old. I went to boarding school. That's why it's so weird. My parents stayed in Saudi Arabia and I had to go away to boarding school when I was 14, so I didn't connect with anybody. I mean, you know, this time I thought it was a serial killer behind me. I'd be a great serial killer. I had to. I had to break. I had to not get attached to people. That's why I don't. Why are you doing this character of the guy? It's like almost a serial killer talking to us right now. So I am. No, I'm really happy to be here. Blink, blink your f**king eyes creep. Three. Blink, OK, here you go. So as a kid, though, I've always known that a blink big time zombie, even when you were 14, you never know fireworks in New York. Nothing. No, you've never seen a firework. I mean, you start living. I didn't grow up with TV. I people don't realize like what we had to do with TV back then was they would do they would tape the shows on video and then they would send them. We had Betamax. But you grew up normal, right? With fireworks? Yeah. You know what I remember about fire. Your kid is like it was just at the high school football field and we just walked over. We laid on a blanket. Now it's like you got to drive to f**king Malibu high hills or high and you go, it's like parking. Good luck. And it's also because the fires just so, so many fires. That's why they made them all illegal. Because all the. Fires, oh, legality never entered in my mind, it's just a pain in the a*s. I said, my, my my. Me and my brother are launching those smoke bombs each other. I said, our f**king bush on fire. My dad was out there the hose and said, It's all good, baby. You know what they say outside. So dad, put that fire. Get the core. The halo put it out. Yeah, nice callback. I love Kovacs. Smother the flame the hell. We have to take the bottle rockets and put them in the end of the Wiffle ball back on the bottom of the Wiffle ball bat, there was a little hole. Yeah, so you just put them in there and light them and you just hold the wiffle ball and shoot at each other. Great. Yeah, see what I rock fight? Yeah, but I didn't grow up, though. It's awesome about the great being American as you grow up in a neighborhood. Well, we know all the kids. They don't explain this. So which you had to grow up when I lived in other apartments to get Samal and yeah, where you grew up in a compound. It's kind of weird burning like Caviar. You know, which, you know, Caviar can. That was that was our chef's name. Can I have more caviar, please? So was your dad like in the CIA or he was a banker? Hmm. Yeah. Buying that right banker too smart for that? But that was a banker. Yeah, man was my camera. No one's buying that. He worked in a bank as his bank, which bank all over. The one over there. I had a spy on my podcast, Pete Turner. He's got a podcast now to break it down show with Pete Turner. It talks about spying. And I said, So like, what's your actual job title? He goes, I fill gaps and I go, All right? And then like, I did, like the soft play, you know? And then like, I was like, 11 minutes go by. I go. So like, what's your job title? He goes, I work in frenetic space. And then I got headaches. And then finally, I got a quote. The closest I got him was, I watch people that watch us. Well, that's good, too. But is he active like right now? Who knows? When I was when I was there, I tell you when I was in Phuket, he's no, he's a great guy. No, I don't. I want those to have him on. I'd love to. You have a do yourself a USO tour. No, I'd love. So I did this USO tour and ride my helicopter. David, I was just looking for special forces guys. And the one this one woman, she goes, If you guys are really into that, she is that guy that those guys over there and she points to this dude because those guys do stuff. They never wear uniforms. Then they disappear and come back. And those are probably the guys that you're you'd be interested. The guys you have. And that's all, she said. And then I go, we ended up talking to them and I go, What do you do in the military? And he goes, he goes this and that. That was so cool. I don't. My ego is too big. I can never give an answer like that. I'd be like, I'd be the worst ever. I just sold out the comedy works. I'm a spy. You know, I can probably get you in anywhere. It's good. You always find somebody. I'll do. I just did. The other day, it's like, Oh, Hunter Biden stuff to me, it was you. Yeah, I mean, it's grueling. So a word. How long were you overseas? Like, what am I looking at 14 years of my life? No uso tour, numbnuts. Oh, tier two weeks, three years to between between 11 days and two years. I can't remember. I think I think you're talking like a spy. I think 11 days I went from infinite to finite. I know we always do. But is the USO tour still going on? I remember we were trying to do one like eight years ago, and they still like, No, it got too dangerous. I wanted to go back every year and they were like, It's too dangerous because after twenty seven, they tries. We want to go to the fobs forward operating base. They were like, No, if you're going to do it, do it right. That's what I found. Are you crazy, b***h like somebody? I was. I was offered Ukraine. I was offered to go shoot recently. Yes, I was offered. Didn't I tell you this now? So some retired special forces fellas are. We're going there and you know, I do that show best of where I go. And they said, Come to Ukraine shows us, you know, it's just like a travel show and you tell me myself YouTube and that, yeah, it only gets like, I'm going to get a show on the channel guide. No, I won't do it because there's too much travel. But but they said to me, they all got together and they said, Look, man, we will get you. This is how they pitched it. They go, We'll get you inside Ukraine. You can shoot and you'll get to talk to the real Ukrainian people on what's going on. You will get you anywhere you want. I said, I go, I go, I go. So how do we do that? So here's what we do. We fly in. I can't tell you where, but it's going to be either a place in Hungary or Poland. And then what we'll do is we'll take a train for about nine hours and then we'll take a car for about eight hours. And I was like, I'm just not doing that, of course. Yeah, because he said, because the problem is they have the Russians have spies in those train stations, so they always. But even if it was easier, even if it was a direct flight to Ukraine and you're still not doing correct, sir, why are they calling? I'm doing a YouTube show. Yeah, why isn't that interesting that they that you're a target? Because they saw this guy who was a special guy shot my show my best? No, no, no. I know why you're interesting and why you do a show, but why would you? What's interesting about you to the Russian government that they would not know it would be the Ukrainians? So so here's why. Because number one, these guys are getting, these guys are independently getting paid, apparently to do things like train the Ukrainian special forces. So they kind of shape their own side business. Yeah, but then the idea would be the Ukrainians would be very interested in getting an American to give them a sympathetic eye, a sort of a sympathetic view on what they go through and what's really happening so that that that influences the U.S. government to keep it, gets it out there, keep funding going. So what's the problem with that? That's what that was, their motivation to get me to come this dangerous. I just more dying that way because it's really dangerous. Oh, there is a kidnapping or something. There could be. It could be that Russians get a whole me swap. Well, yeah. So the Russians have a very vested interest also in making sure that if you're training the Ukrainian special forces, you're the Russians are going to kill you. Yes. And those guys are OK with that Wagner guy. Yeah, I know him in Germany. It, Jim. I've seen Black Fridays that were more effective than this guy's f**king coup. I know. Got like the shock when they got to the like shopping cart bro in the parking lot. And they just f**king they're out, by the way. By the way, you were going to f**k with Putin, huh? Who's been in power for 23 years? I was a hit album. You were before Putin was like, Oh yeah, it's all good money now. It's like now dead on arrival must break you. Yeah. And by the way, he he they made a deal with Belarus. The president of Belarus is in power because of Putin. Putin tells the president of Belarus to do to jump. He jumps. So Prigozhin got it over a skis. When you do that with Putin, you f**king screwed and it's already taken over wax. I'll be just back. You go to Ukraine. I know we need uptick in views, but that ain't it that know that ain't worth it. Steve. Aumann drummer for the black me, the fighter in the morning tell the story another time Brian is going to die. He had to fill in for him firing the more you guys more as a war fighter. Tell me what we can say. Steve Gorman from the Black Crowes. They did a corporate show in St. Petersburg in nineteen ninety three ninety four. It was like Martha Stewart was there, like Steve Jobs. Maybe some of the names that I'm saying aren't, but that ilk Maggie people, they they got paid like each guy walk was. And they're like after the show, like, let's go get a beer. And they went to a bar and they lasted two sips of beer and black rose, by the way, at the time were all six five. All of them are big, tall guys. Oh, really? Oh yeah. Steve Gorman is a big boy. I mean, the guy was married to Kate Hudson. Yeah. And and they look like a biker gang like they're going to be great for their computer. And they got like two ships into their drinks and all, like five, six seven guys were just like, We need to go back to the hotel immediately. Like it was like the f**kin Wild West, like, right from Putin. It was nuts. Yes. There, Steve Gorman. But remember Louis C.K. right when, right, when the UK war line, why are you looking it up like I'm lying? Well, it's all about what if I was lying, if I said Steve Harmon, five or 10, said Steve. Wait, so black rose. I thought it says five projects, and it's not true at all. Well, that's just not true. These other massive five. Bring them up. Bring them up. They see some pictures. Yeah, look like. So those guys are out in a bar in Russia and they're super skinny, though I could. I could not, Steve. There's a guy I could beat every one of those guys. At the same time. You could be pretty much anybody. But I mean, come on, look at those guys. They were all drug addicts. Who cares? Good time. I'll just turn into black. I know what you mean. Time probably would kick them in the line. Are you being mean to? Well, that's from Southern Harmony Companion. I love them, but they're not look tough. But why would they be tough to musicians? He's more like a biker gang. And then I'm just saying it's like they look like they ride in the back of the bus, like seven of them in a bar and two steps in the. You know what, Brian? You wonder why I, you know, I apologize. But it's true that they but it's true that Russia back then was f**king dangerous. But the thing about Louis C.K., what a bad a*s he is doing, right? When the UK war started, he's used to do tours all over Ukraine and Russia, and as they're flying there, they get the call and like, No, you got turned around. Louis C.K. still wanted to do it. You're going to play like he still have hope through him, touched down and figure it out. You're on your way. He was on a mean. You're over. That got to do it over the North Pole you've already committed. He was still down to do it. And though I came in, I'm just double checking. He's got six five six zero six five. You've got your daughter. That's off by a foot, Ben. No, he's done five of six, so it's off my foot. Well, look at my Wikipedia says I'm five six. How tall are you? Five 10. Seattle, I am. What does it say? I want to see more five nine and I'm off. I'm nine. You're five 10 now, so it's off by noon to do it. That's I had an assistant pepper it and make it go up, and I told her to say my dad was a rat. By the way, the way to settle this is to just just throw sticks. We can't. Yeah, we have to get one by three inches. That's about right. I'm 70 inches tall. We'll just say for me, I'll be over seventy five, 11, I'm actually taller than five 11. Well, I'll pass them and take my shoes off my front headlock. Four look ranks. That's about right. Look how different your face lifted. Look at that s**t. Oh my god, you look like you work at Wells Fargo and Glendale Men's Wearhouse. Your nose was so different. Yeah, to get smashed into pieces, you're going to love the way you look. You're going to love the way you look. One of my parents names got to be on my Wikipedia page. Like, why don't I get to know your mom? I know. Yeah, oh. His mom is Debra Sharp, OK? I was like, No. Debra, Debra, man, are your parents still alive, Brian? Eighty three and two great. I remember when my mom died and I had to fly home for the funeral, and I get back, everybody goes, how was the funeral? I'm like, Well, D.J. was great good food, but I'm not a coke guy, so I left early. How was the f**king funeral and saying, Yeah, so how is everybody else? How was the funeral? They all ask it. This was when who died? My mom? Your mom? Yeah, time. That's fine. That's epic. Where were you again? I'm J.J.. I'm your son who's a man in the kitchen for us. John, that's only two years. We got lucky. I took it as a father, my father, my sister, got so mad at my dad because you're just eating like he's just f**king eating it. Bryan says he's a pig and he's just eating like this. Like, f**king loved your stuff. That doesn't work because my, my, my sister goes, If your heart could jump out of your chest, it would slap you in the face right now, using like cheesy scale potatoes. He doesn't give a f**k. I like that. He'll eat all of the respect. You look like Anthony Quinn. Sometimes I know people tell you that. Yeah, we see Anthony Quinn said on my show to my dad, when he's got a YouTube channel, you love him. Anthony Quinn, he's got a great you. Actors get a great you. Two great actors. I just like Brian a little bit. My dad really looks like I'm Anthony Quinn. I'm talking. Oh, was he from? Oh, he's somebody. And somebody said, What was he from? I remember I'm about 60. Fellow Sauber, the Greek. I mean, he was amazing. No. But he did some legit movie star like a huge movie star. He did. Some recently died in 2001. Well, we're his parents names. Look at him, look, I'll keep going down. This is like right before he dies. Maybe God is what I'm thinking of. You got to go. Like the 60s? Yeah, you. He was crushed on Hercules. Great movie star class action hero. No, no, no. Seriously, go to like the 50's. The 50s. Yeah, like Zorba the Greek. Here you go right down there. All right. Yeah, look, Sorba degree beyond pillars, Lawrence of Arabia, you know, Requiem for a portrait in Black, Never own. Do the savage innocents get out of here? No huge movies in nineteen fifty nine, man. Yeah. It was so easy to be famous then to be a comic. Oh my God, you watch like old like me. So bad you watch like Flip Wilson on The Tonight Show, he tells one joke Smoking a cigarette like the do you want a banana for your monkey? Good night, everybody. Yeah, what? I know this is f**king garbage. I know of Jerry Seinfeld. What he did. Johnny Carson and five minutes said it changed his whole career. Oh yeah. You know the difference between Paul Reiser and Jerry Seinfeld now? Who are these people? Who are these people? So it's in tune with the emphasis on the word. Who are these people? Who are these people like who? I don't know? Who are these people? Did you call the guy? You know, they say, Who's the who's the guy who's a who's the who on these people? It's very true. Yeah. Well, now there's a music to it. I like when you guys get quiet. I know I hit a vein in there. Yeah. As we just, you know, hollow staring at the Google Home page right now, listeners. So this is terrible, obviously. But the kids, OK, not involved. I love this. But he felt 40 feet down a zip line. Are you f**king kidding? No. In Mexico. Yeah. So I'll show you the video. Zip line Mexico is beyond me. I think this is family filming it and they didn't realize this stop because all you talk about are snakes. I don't trust them. Snakes is my only known non-starters six year old kid. Maybe the instructor, one of the guys cracking the instructor. That guy's hot. I don't like this. One of the ropes was neat, right? But what happened to him? Maybe he's not injured. Damn it, he is this scared. So it falls into a lake. So I should say that all the way. So obviously they scream right here because they're after the man that fell into a lake. His parents are the ones that didn't want to take it to the hospital. The people that worked at the park, they said, like the snake in the hospital. But that no, they look at his injuries. His parents like, no, he's fine. He found the water thing. Yeah. And a lake with 40 feet. So I don't know. That's still damaging. And he's a six year old kid, but he's fine. He's fine. Yeah. As far as I guess the parents, scroll up. Let me see the article under it real quick. The other way, other way or the. It was taken out of the water by expedition on Amazon for the black came and got to him. Well, the heart of that burst was going to be black. That's why I don't miss the black came in. Black came in at a type of Crocodile Dundee Dora Park. Not exactly the Dells in Wisconsin in that I mean, one of the harnesses had burst. What is it? What is the oh and heart made of balloons? This is like what six year of doing the whole show on a zip line. Like, I did it with my kid. I would never I wouldn't be back in the day like nineteen ninety. I was playing Tulane University, opening for Kennison, and I was like, Well, there's nothing to do. So I bungee jumped. But there was no pad. It was just straight to the parking lot. Hell, no. You know that swing when you do over the canyon, they let you know, stand there. Yeah, I thought, you do, right? I understand that. But like, if you guys did it, I would totally like, I'm one of those guys like, I'm not going to skydive. But if you're like, Bro, we're sky drawn. You're like, Come on, bro. It's like, Oh, I'm not a f**king b***h. You know, when we went zip lining and rehab, the second rehab I went to and it's like, just that first step is such a mind. Like, I felt like Jackie Gleason, like all I do is step off. Step off the platform. I have no, but. But then when you do it, the more. And there's no way to get down and there's no way to leave. Other than finishing the seven consecutive zip lines, I get higher and higher. And the only way I got to the point where I was OK with it was like I pretended I was in the army and I just had to do it. Yeah, and I was like, No, I had to repel off a cliff. I need to tell you to get down. You f**k that. But when you're on there and you're leaning back and you have to just jump on the rope. And I was just like, terrified you just like, then you can figure it out. My son has such a good sense of humor. My son's 11 were in the elevator with my whole family, and I go, This is a good time to tell you I'm not your father. And you typically think a kickback. I said, I think this is a good time to tell you that I'm not your father. Yeah. Oh, sorry that your son sounds smart. Oh, it's f**king good. That's a good reaction. My son came home another day, a dog s**t on the edge of his hand. My son is allowed to swear. When he's with me, he's allowed me to say things. He gets in the car. His mom's like, buy. She gets so mad at me. He's like, by door closes and he goes, When are you gonna clean this motherf**ker? I go, You do your homework. He goes, Nah, I go, Why not? He goes, Because I don't give a f**k. And I go, see my face. I did that. I do exactly that. And he goes, Hold on before you get mad. Don't get mad. Let me check the console of your car. Oh, no. Forks in there, either. It sounds like a jerk. Yes. Good sense of humor. I had some problems. I struck him about the face and ears. I said, You're going to go to about, you're going to you're going to talk to Uncle Uncle Jay. Let's get you out of the beast, a big boy. He was so big. Two hundred pounds. How old is he? For 12 years old, he's four. Where does he get his size? Oh, it food. There's hands. All he eats is beige. Steroids, everything. He eats grilled cheese and fries. Just. But he's just big boned, though too big body big. He's a big boy. He's 12. And what grade six and what's he does? He plays Stan's baseball. I remember I used to bring in the wrestling practice when I was coaching, and he was just like, Bam, bam, everybody. He would just go through all the workout like he thought it was fine, but I was like, You know what? Think about it when you were a kid, what do you love to do? You like to roll around? Yeah, you like to crash in a s**t? Yeah. And you like to grab a*s with your buddies. Everybody felt like that. So right? My mom told me I was a gentle kid. I always thought I was totally different. You know, you were incredibly gentle and you know, my mom told stuff. We're staying in a hotel. We're staying in the kitchen. Once before dinner, my mom goes, Let me see your hands. I'm so glad you have Ferguson hands. Your father is such f*ggy hands. Oh yes. f*ggy, yeah. And they're like, Oh, dinner's ready. And I sat right next to my dad and his little milky white hand just sitting on it on the table claws. Just like, you know, I'm just staring at my dad's your hands. There's a book called The Pugilist at Rest. And this woman is talking about how she's in love with this. She's married to a, you know, a lawyer, and he pays all the bills. But she f**ks this guy who he's a pearl diver, bank robber, just getting our kind of guy. Yeah, just how just how big a tablet is, he brought. Nobody's really, really different criminal. And she goes, and she's talking about how he how this her lover, just she's got these f**king huge hands and she's looking at her husband as he's buttering his toast. And in his suit and tie and he's and he's got little surprise that she despises. Of course, she's like, I can never have those hands on me again. And all she's thinking about us as her just f**king Italian sausage. Yeah, Anthony Quinn and begins. Yes, he did. Does he? Oh, don't. Yeah, I believe in massive hands. He had baby hands. You see a picture of his baby hands. Yeah, chicks go like like soft, small hands. They want big. They want to know if push comes to shove, can you fight your way out of this situation? Yeah, I think so. I've only felt I couldn't one time and I'm not like a fight guy, but I know, like if s**t hits the fan, I, you know. You know, wrestling came a little bit, right? You know what I mean? I just don't want to come across as that guy. But I remember the only time I felt like completely helpless was at the Super Bowl in Jacksonville. It was such a s**t show. The they ran out of food before kickoff, and it was. It's not like a good stadium. Jacksonville, I think, was the Eagles and the Patriots. And like the seats were wood. And I remember there was the toilets had overflowed just before kickoff, so there was like a little stream of water running through the concourse and just Eagles fans f**kin. At one point, a wheelchair ran over my wife's foot. And she said, Your wheelchair as she goes, your wheelchair is on my foot and she goes in a minute like she. She had to finish up what she was saying. And it was me and Barry Katz and our wives. And I remember thinking of, Wow, I am truly alone vs. the Eagles fans who threw snowballs at Michael Irvin on a stretcher. That's right, they didn't Santa Claus. Hilarious. Yeah, he he thought he broke his neck, too, and they were like, like, good. It was just like they booed him. They booed Santa Claus do snowballs. But have you ever met Michael Irvin? Yeah. The big boy. One of the best people. Tony's great. Yeah, one of my favorite people I've ever met. Great guy. I agree. Yeah, that era of guys are all money he and the other that worked for both of them for a spell. Michael Irvin. We did. We hung out together, monster. They got, you know, the playmaker for a reason. Rolling tar paper I go to, I go to SB like Super Bowl party. What team do we walk in? And then Michael Irvin zeolites around by a of, you know, he's the life of the party. Like, you could have been a f**kin entertainer, everyone. This is the life of the party. And he sees Mango's job shouting over here, baby, like, Oh, what's up, baby? You know, there's all these people and I go, jive turkey. Yeah. They want to sell baby. When somebody's going to grab his hand. He grabbed my head, but pulled me down and kisses the top, my head from everybody. That's awesome. So embarrassing that he whispered, How do you know how we did the the the tournament together, the charity chairman together? Can we are partners on the bowling tournament? He's such a good guy. Golf. Yeah, he's such a good guy. You're a golfer now. I'll play a little bit. And he's Hall of Famer, right? Yeah. You're really not a sports guy at all. s**t, man. How can you help him? Deion Sanders? I spent a whole week. He's pretty good to the untrained eye. It's so much fun with those guys, but tee on what are you on? I looked at Deon and I and I and I. I go, What do you weigh? Because he was always so small in on the field and he goes, not small because I'm too 19. And I went to two nights massive. I know I go no fat. I was like, That's that's a small football player. Well, it's like, he's not small. No, he's not. No, that's the cornerback. He's he's the best to ever do it right. I had a really just got his foot amputated. Yeah, I know where his toes. And he played the World Series in the Super Bowl in the same year. But his foot, they had to go back in. So you saw the full story. They you was so now that his foot? No, because what? His girlfriend came out? Yeah, why? What happened? I'm not sure. Age runs too fast. No, no, no. It burnt the bombers to the gangrenous infection. I don't know. Tiptoe turfed out. We played in the Super Bowl in the World Series in the same year. Yeah. How about that? You know, I used to play in baseball games and fly same day and play football games. Yeah. So not for Brian. Jordan did both too, and they were on the same team. And then I asked, Wayne Corbett wants the hardest he ever got hit and football wide receiver for the Joe. And he goes, Brian Jordan knocked me the f**k out. I was out for like 15 20 minutes. I remember that it was an interception. Against the Falcons, and he relaxed, and Brian Jordan just came just five nine, white guy went, Oh, supper. Yeah, Bobo had to retire because of his actions. Yeah, he woke up on the bench on the sideline, pre like tent. He just laying on a park bench, just getting laid out right? He was playing was. And when he wakes up, they go, Do you know where you are? And he goes Willowbrook Mall. When did they put this in the Georgia Dome? When they put this in, when they when they put a dominant right play, there were some of the jurors getting to get in there in the air at the club. I never missed a football game. He's great. I even had Brett. I had DirecTV, so I could watch like the red zone on. I mean, Keyshawn, I never was. I never was right. Yeah, I just can't Keyshawn. That one, I kind of thought, Well, he's on the radio show. So what? They're not going to simulcast the radio show. Now, Bradford, go somewhere. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me and started dating Keyshawn and would tell me about it just because she was mad at me. That was good. That's good. That's got to be. I can't believe I don't stand like the simulcast of radio. I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that. What did she say, though? Well, she was. She's like, I'm into giant black guys. You're small, white. You got to call her. She's pretty black and white. I'm following him home right now in his car. I just wanted to let you know that. But you know why she did that? Because they always push back on the parent they know isn't going anywhere and deep in her bones. She knows that he's daddy, right? Yeah. Otherwise, you wouldn't give a s**t. Otherwise, you know my eyes. She wouldn't give a s**t. You know what? She knows? Brian f**kin made her make those sounds that nobody ever heard her make before. And she also surprise. Surprise you. Well, yeah, sure. He's old, reliable here, but she also knows Keyshawn not in for the long haul, right? So one time, right? Yeah, no. They got married because I think that's probably, yeah, they got three kids, but the rest of Pippin and I've never been up and I've never been under any illusions. Yeah, the problem I had of weird like today, like this weekend because of Derek Wolfe and Brian Shaw. I woke up the next day after spending time with the strongest man in the world, four times strong from animal. And then Derek Wolfe was a freak athlete and a giant and also very handsome. And I was like, I looked at the pictures and I go, Like this, I go, I need to go, Yeah, there you go and I go. I looked at picture and I go, I need to start lifting weights more. Why are your arms bigger than your torso? I know. I know. I go, Yeah, exactly. I go. I got to stop with that. It's like, so big. Look at how big you look like David Faustino? I do. Yeah, I do. Go, Keep going. I'm doing it on purpose. I'm trying to stick my chest out. God damn, he's a big boy. Yeah, he's. But let me ask you a question. Yeah, but can he kick my a*s? Well, I could point. Well, so Levan. Levan, the best arm wrestler they said they say is unbeatable from Ukraine's 400 pounds. Lavon said. Bryan's like, I kind of want to get an arm wrestling now after this because he's here. Instead of this training natural transition van the van is like, made a video. I'm joking around us, but you don't need to get an arm wrestling stay over there. You know how to do this? Why are you wearing that? Like Keith Morrison wig on that one clip? Don't ask, how great is Keith Morrison the best from Dateline when he's like the Dr. Seuss of murder? I was playing Greg Abbott, the governor of Oh Yeah, for a sketch I look on Dateline with Keith Morrison goes in a small town, hair almost goes. Something was brewing at the Waffle House, but it wasn't the coffee. What was brewing murder? Yeah. What was the problem is the first half he was watching himself, he was getting distracted by the nurses. I look at myself not, but I'm looking for something to change or I'm disappointed. I don't look at myself like that. A good. There's a couple of pictures I've said, I look all right. Most of the time I was like, Well, let's see. Gotcha. It's depressing. How about the kid who goes, Can I pet that dog? Can I pet that dog? Can I pet that? Though it's up from just look it up just like, you know, tick tock or I g my sister's a*s. Tim Tebow's virginity. You think 20 areas on the list this one? Yeah, yeah, I good listeners get all the kids. I think that jump at that though. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's cute. No, definitely not. You know, I got it done. And then he just he just turns homeless at the end. Oh, you can handle that now. So you go to sleep. No, I don't anybody and I won't say it. Anybody who doesn't have kids doesn't know what they're missing. You got kids. He's got them in. Oh, you said that earlier to him, I bet you looked at me like I'm over the line or something. You know, come on, man, I'm f**king trying to keep that dog. I'm just I keep the show afloat. Not with regard to which your favorite team, of course, is tough, is it? Yeah, it's tough. Bryan, I'm going to get you got three. Who's your favorite to say, Just say it. I I, my brother has a favorite that they love you. You don't have one kid, one kid sweeter than the other others. You know, it just depends day by day, man. Hey, look, there's not enough oxygen on the sub for all three of us. And I love all my child. Don't have oxygen. I want my children for different reasons. I got a baby. He's just like a f**king just so he got me on my single. My son needs to save me. It's like raising myself, and then my daughter is just her own magical. It's just f**king self. It's the son that's like you. Yeah, you're a narcissist. How could you say this? Like, you kill the mini daughter? My daughter is like, I don't know. It's my first born, so you know. All right, so you're killing your son? I love them all. You've got two sons. Yeah. So one can go, Oh, I can't. I can't, bro. We're all going to die on this f**king sub. Somebody's got to go. Your favorite? Yeah. I can't make you do. Of course I do. Yeah, I understand. And you have how many to that. I know what I think. I think that I think that there's no doubt that most parents probably would have behind closed doors would be like, I mean, there's one like every time they cry as a kid, you're like, This f**king you've got to get some kids are more difficult than others. You know, some kids are just like, Yeah, my brother is super different. I know for a fact. You asked my parents when we were like 12, they're like, Oh, Brent, what kills easier? Yeah. Brad was easy. Yeah, my son, when he was like five years old, told me to suck as dick on Christmas morning, and that was the first Christmas after the divorce. So we're we're staying together like just giving the illusion of one big, happy family hers, because mine's still in New Jersey. So our whole family is in my house eating f**king shrimp and this and my son opens up a nerf gun. He's like, Whoa, Nerf gun, daddy, suck my dick. I'm like, Why? And they're all looking at me. There's like a custody battle going on. They're looking at me like we could use this, but I'm like, you know, but I'm not looking back. I'm just looking at my son trying to use telepathy like, what's going on? And he's like, Daddy saw my dad marry me. I go. I got a bigger Nerf gun doing so. I got one upstairs. You want to see this? I got something. So we go up to his bedroom. I go, Do you know what you said down there? And he's like, No, what nerf gun? I'm like, Do you remember what else you said? He goes, I do not know. I remember saying, Suck my dick. He's like, Yeah, because you know, that means he goes, No, I know. That's like, That's what a dicks like. What a dumb guy calls his penis, you know, and you're a real smart guy. And so in front of the whole family, you said you wanted your penis in my mouth and you wanted me to suck it. And this is when I knew I had a favorite kid. My son's reaction goes. So, right, then Alistair starts laughing. Then I start laughing. Then we start wrestling. Then I throw them on the bunk beds, which break. And if you're downstairs, it sounds exactly like we went upstairs. The second just dicks like, f**k. Let's get our back. Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. Now my son. What after I never kind of like did a check in after I got divorced and I'm at dinner, so. Well, hold on for a while. A check in on your children's cry. How are you guys doing with this? You know, like you talk about their feelings? Like, not enough. Yeah, man. Three is a big deal. He has a. My dad, my son's eating like that, and I go, Hey, you know, we haven't talked about how you guys are doing. You know, this is a big thing. It was like three years ago, he goes, I just see my son because I'm all right. I can't be good. My daughter goes, all my friends, parents got divorced. Relax. I bet that was the end of the discussion. I was like, How old was he then? But can she still wear a diaper? It's fine. I'm all right. I'm all right. No problem. Sporting wonder pets, diapers, peanut butter. I don't know. I'm fine, but Brian, that he opened his mouth and hornets eyes mouth. I was like, Oh, he said, Oh f**k. Eyes went blank. You know, it's not a big deal. Tyrone and Daimler coming by just about Johnsons going on over. Don't worry about again. I got embarrassed. I was like, Oh, OK, so much for that talk. I remember when I was like, when when you had to bring up the divorce, it's like, So you got a big boy decision to make, you know? But where are you going to live? Mostly. You know, it's I don't want to sway your decision and see that you could either live with, you know. Dead or alive or dead or alive? No, I mean, but you know what? No pressure you make you. You're to me. Hell, you're that way. You like money. So. But no big deal. It's a big, long road. You get divorced, man almost five years ago. It's me too. I get along great with my ex at the time. It was the most profound wound in my soul. Yeah, because nobody gets married to get divorced, you get married because you're positive. It's not a possibility. Yeah, that's why you do it and you walk around for like, it's not even a divorce. People go like, I'm really sorry about your divorce. It's like, Oh no, now that it's under way, I'm great. I wish you could have said sorry. The two years I walked around my own house going, What the f**k is going on? I can get out of this. Yeah. God, I was the I'm the only one in my entire extended family who's been divorced. I don't come from divorce. Well, Saudis, you know? Yeah. How many of them beheaded? Yeah. Well, you know, Stone, I'm not. I'm not Saudi. What a great way to kill somebody. I my stone takes a lot of hate. Takes a while. Yeah, I think you're going to throw my elbow over the eyes again. If you miss that biblical s**t, it's awful. The worst adultery, but divorce. I mean, I come from divorce. Family member was traumatized as a kid. Oh yeah. What? It's what was your fault that we're seeing you again? Yeah. And it was all. It was your fault. It's the worst thing you did, OK? But me, my worst thing you can do is stay together. I get so much credit to my ex because she was like, We both decide we're going to put the kids first. No messy divorce. No nothing, man. And so we got along. They see, we talk, we hang. It's it is what it is, but there's no right way to do it. I mean, it's a disaster. It's just sucks. Yeah, because my heard, my thought, my son say he was talking to somebody because he and my dad doesn't live at home anymore. And it was he was bummed about it. All that killed me. I killed him, you know, hey, you. He lives. I remember a mediation. The sticking point was this thing called the Smith Hostler agreement. I know about it with that. It's like, OK, this is what you make now. This this, these last three calendar years, we know what you make and it's just a grid. It's just this is now this is what she's going to make. The Smith answer is if you go above that number, then she gets more money, right? But at the time I was doing radio I didn't have. I was doing well, but not like, not like you guys. Jesus, you know, and I was like, No, absolutely not. And my lawyers are like, Wow, we're like, We're out of here. What are you doing? I go now. It's like, really weird. Like, put my foot down and remember the mediator goes. Why? I've never had somebody like this adamant about a Smith Hostler agreement, I go, Well, I just did the Turning Stone casino in Syracuse. I woke up at 4:00 in the morning to get a 6:00 a.m. flight. I had a layover in Chicago. I got to my hotel room in Syracuse at 6:40 p.m.. My show is at 7:00, I perform for an hour and a half, went back to my room, got four hours of sleep because I had to get back on a plane at six a.m. and come all the way back. Now, if I'm willing to do all that for twenty thousand dollars, why the f**k should she get a piece of that fact? And she goes like, They're sitting over here. I remember she just goes. That was you're right, like a really, you know, the mediator just goes. Like, I just it was one of those moments where explains, I explain that even better than that, yeah. But I remember like, you know, how hard flown to Hamburg in the time it took me to get the f**k. And that's the part that kind of kills you in January. Did that mean what did they say about it? Was your wife like, I understand that, you know, it worked out. It worked out. We get along well. That's good. That's so important because I know people that just lose their their health over the fact that they're fighting and I want to take care of my diabetes when you're the worst. I'm sure it's probably the Sugar Bowl. Yeah. Well, that was like the final, no less stressful. There's the stress. Tax your adrenals. Yeah, but I was at the height of my my earning power. I was making more money than ever in my life. At one point, for those three guys, rice was the rice I've ever seen. I got it and I can get in some other stuff that happened after that. Yeah, but yours was so bad. You guys got weaker institutions. I was a I aged these past three allergic to milk Ryan's age like a president since the latter, like Abe Lincoln. Yeah, literally. I saw George Washington now three years ago, I had totally dark hair. Three years out, my hair was all Woodstock. I'm gray as f**k now, but you can tell some dick. I can still throw dick because I never missed a f**king house, but I never missed a workout. I throw a f**king grape vines at him. So fast. Oh yeah, yeah. I love riding likes till I come right away what I tried to jump on. But here's the thing, dude. Here's the thing is like you want to take care of them. That's it for me. It's like I said, first thing our mediation at my my ex, I looked at the lawyers. I go, the most important people right now are the mother of my children are my children like I live in a f**king van by the river, right? So we got to figure out how that is. I'm not interested in this lawyer back and forth s**t. And that was that was a great way to start off because who knows how much you want to take care of him? But also, I don't want you completely f**ked, man. Like, we both going to say it's going to get f**ked no matter what. I got to before you have two ex-wives that own houses and I rent, that's me too. It's like not to exit at one point my child up. Is that you? I'm sayin like, you guys weren't writing jokes. You were up to four in the morning writing on Saturday Night Live. The f**k, did you guys, Ernie? Yeah, yeah, I don't get any of my residuals. No. At one point, my child support was $10000 a month. So I go out, I remember I was doing the Tempe Improv, and I was like, I'll probably make about thirty five right for the weekend. Big room that is big. My rent in Malibu was seven because I was on the water, so at one point it's first of all after thirty five after taxes and commission. Twenty. Well, that's the point of what I'm about to say. Yeah, yeah, you beat them to him. But he's right. I owed I basically got on the plane. I got back in my car owing eight hundred dollars. Yeah, that's what people don't realize. It's f**king insane. So, so off the top 10. So now I'm at twenty five, let's say 30. So off the top 10, that's 20. My rent seven, I got 13. My agent gets three. I'm at 10. I'm paying forty four percent taxes on the 30. It's f**king crazy. That's why it's good to just get out of show business and go, Oh, and then we get nine to five, good luck making 20 grand in a week and there just f**king relax. Yeah, give it to God. It'll happen for you to go to jail. You know what? The worst thing you can do in my opinion, I will figure it out. The universe will provide no or no. You got to make a plan. You got to hope for the you guys are making like money like I never made ever 100 million dollars in the bank. But that's from when you lived in Saudi Arabia. Yes, that's because I'm in I own oil fields. I never like I never had like ads like the back in the day on my podcast, it was like a 60 40 split to talk about Squatty Potty. And it was like the most I made was like a thousand a week, and I'm like this, I just would rather not have ads than I get out and you guys come in and everybody's just, you got your own studios in Calabasas doing well. Theo, you everybody. Rogan, forget it all, Robin. Jeff. But I can't, but I can't get back into it because it would be an admission to myself. I'm getting back at it for the money and I can't operate that way. No. See, I think you should get back here because you love doing any really good and I don't love doing it. Obviously, I don't really care. Yeah. Well, if people like, when are you gonna do it again? I'm like. But you have money. You have your fun smart. Yeah, that's a big part. All my money's tied up in property, though. Well, that's that's good. No, I can divorce twice. Divorced twice. Yeah. Just once. Oh, wait before Nicky or after. Look, yeah, another one. So before Nicky were married? Yeah. So I'm saying, are you one with each? Oh, are you still paying? I still owe her. Yeah, because I wasn't able to pay because I was in rehab and COVID. Oh, she's not a big comedy market during a pandemic. All right. Let me ask you a question. This is where I'm like, when you were talking about politics earlier, I just tapped out completely because I just think it's just doesn't f**king matter. It doesn't. We're a trillion dollars in debt. We all agree. That's a fact, right? Yeah, the country. So the pandemic happens. No businesses are open. There's no commerce. There's no supply and demand. There's no landlord that receives any rent. There's no utilities. There's nothing. But then the government, a trillion dollars in debt cuts, every American, a check for $1400. That's when I went to house you motherf**kers. Yeah, something is a shell game, right? Where they send Ukraine two trillion. They're printing money. They pay well. That's like credit card debt. Yeah. You just pay a little off here, there. But the fact that you're going to send me a f**king cheque that I'm going to cash in. Like, I thought we were a trillion dollars in debt. Remember, you're a kid? They go, Hey, we're cutting down the rainforest. The size of Great Britain gets disappeared every year. I remember in fifth grade, I remember clear as day by the by the year two thousand, there'll be no more rain for. Yeah, I remember that. You watch like an inconvenient truth, Al Gore, the poor, the eyes, and by the way, they are taking it away. I know that and I know the ice caps are melting. I know there is climate change and global warming, and I know that's all true. But it's like that Al Gore s**t was totally off, though. Yeah, but all of it's off. Everything they ever told me was off as a kid. The hole in the ozone hole in the ozone layer is going to be a dinosaur fossil, you know, like, I never I never thought into this. Then you talk to like a spy or a CIA guy and they go, You go, what's the actual problem? And they drop some s**t on you like running out of water? You know what, what we need. So, yeah, there's I mean, there's not an infinite supply of water on a floating rock. Eventually, we're going to be done with water. Weird things like that supervolcano. That's underneath Yellowstone. Yeah. If that thing blows, we're all we're all gone. And the Abidjan's took a blow. Again, his f**king not one of life. He's got that cool car with the roll bar and it was right away. You know, Rob. All right. Yeah, yeah, we're fine. Press roll bars like you, just all bars of a taxi. You got to have a roll bar. I did have one of my most. I remember I was on my Mustang in like nineteen ninety four. I'm on the one on one south and these two bottles pull up next to me in like a convertible f**kin massive car. And they're like, this like god. I'm like, If this is a little uncomfortable, like, I don't want to raise these guys, they probably want to fight me, whatever. And then so I just hit the engine and I go and they start chasing me and I watch in my rearview mirror as their car. I don't know what happened. It caught air under it or something, and it just went back and flipped over. And I was like, I don't know, not my business, my business. I never saw cars. They die. I just never saw a cargo like this, maybe like hydraulics or something. It was like it was like they hit the brake, like in the ocean. Jesus, I want to be, do you feel like you're I'm not prepped enough for the zombie apocalypse. I don't need any. I need food. I need to be like, That comes OK. I need I need something, though, man, to do what we can do. There's no amount of prep that's going to save you from, like a Pompei situation. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, back in the day in Pompeii, there were those motherf**kers that like collected beards and s**t and like, I got my bug out bag and that f**king thing blows that and it goes, I'm alright. Yeah, and they're just f**king they didn't realize how fast, like, I think I think about the seismic event and then all of a sudden order breaks down and then it becomes the purge. I want to be ready for that. We're going to be ready. We're more closer to Civil War than anything. That's Civil War. I'd be terrified. I'd be picking motherf**kers off of my roof now. Yeah. Nobody wins in that situation because we're in very evil people on both sides. Just take over and have their militia. I've been hoarding antibiotics since 2004 and antibiotics and Everclear. I mean, you can sell ammo. The singer can sell alcohol that you can drink and uses a cleaner for you. Just make moonshine. You know, if you murder somebody and you clean them up in the tub, make sure you bleach underneath. The drain, that's how most you guys get caught. Oh, you've got to bleach underneath the drain. Yeah, because they just unscrew and they look at it because when the blood goes down, it kind of splashes around on their. Wait, but now they test for bleach. And if I can believe my tub whenever I want, does it make me a murderer? Wait in the drain. You have to see in the water drains out. Yeah, when it goes down the drain. Yeah, they're still. But people forget is there's going to be blood under. If you drink a bottle of water, there's going to be water on the bottle cap on the inside. f**k, I got it. Next time I played a body out, stop using credit cards. Get the rope with the wax on it. What I going to do? What what? How do you know so much dateline? The details? It's always a white lady on Dateline that wants to run in her f**king mouth. Yeah, she always gets killed by her husband. She's always named. Patty was a white lady named Patty, but I talked to a guy who does cold cases and I was trying to. I said, Don't let me try to get away with murder. You can't get away. He goes, If we want to get you and we actually put our resources, there I go, OK. So I shoot. I shoot you from 700 yards away outside when you're hiking. And he goes, We get you and I go, How would you do? And he goes, We take dogs. We look at them, we look at the ballistics we can tell you got shot from a distance. We know what kind of bullet it is. We take, we take a dog and we start circling, circling, circling. We'll find where you were lying. I collect all those leaves, every one of those leaves in the whole area. So take it back to the lab. Find your drawer. But you don't tell that guy. And then you know what? The other guy? Then why? Fifty 53 percent of murders unsolved? He said. I asked I would get caught because it'd be bite marks and all the leaves. Yeah, these are so good for you, bro. Oh, I'm an organic farmer. These are so good for you. s**t there with with a flag. Brian was here. Well, you can't do that when you're when you're killing fifty three thousand me. My mark, I can't leave my body. Three percent of murders unsolved. You take out Brian. Why are you doing calisthenics outside the car? We're on a stakeout. He's doing f**king squat thrusts next to the car. Like, Let me just get your sweats everywhere. Let me just get you something to leave your cells. Did you Jack Oliver one boy. Yeah, it really late. And also they if they want you for it, they build a case toward that as opposed to taking in all the evidence and building the case that way. They've taken a suspect and they funnel all the evidence that way. So even so, that's why it's everywhere. They're roadside cameras. You just hope they can find point of entry defense, like what were you doing in that car? All that stuff? Don't you think you could pass a lie detector test? I don't know. I mean, you don't have a need. You have what I have. We did a lie detector test and I was telling the truth about everything, and they said I was a liar. I said the in high school, I was like, Yeah, you're lying because I was squirmy. I feel like I could beat. I've had guys in the FBI were like, You can't beat it. Well, that's why they stop using them, though, because they didn't hold up in the court of law. Well, you can't. They're not. They use them, but they're not admissible. But I took as like, if you go like, is your name J. Moore, I'm thinking, my my what? My birth name is John. I go by JJ. So already the f**king needle is going like, you know, O.J. Simpson took one the his lawyers right before the right, when they got one before that got bigger. Let's do a lie detector test. And because in there they go, you're in saying, is you? I promise you, I have to lie detector test because you know what worked in court law, we can bring it up. The MTV logic testing failed miserably. You know, like, aren't good. You know, I I like wrestling and jujitsu more than karate. Ron Goldman second degree black belt. Ron Goldman, O.J. f**king stabbed to death. Oh, he was sick. He goes to land a f**king kick. He slips in blood. Game over. Yeah. Well, also taking it as close to me to stab me. Yeah. But that's just so he'll call Bonzo. Like, allegedly, I guess, an NFL football player with a large knife. Your karate is no good here. I'll think crowds get anywhere. It's just not practical. If you if you have to get in a stance, you don't have to fight. What was your black belt in? It's for third degree black belt. Yeah, but you know, it's third degree. Although he was on Studds, I wish he lived in such a bummer. You know, hosted studs. What wasn't it? Oh, that's good to, you know, I thought, you know. Host Mark DeCarlo, yep. Yeah, that was his name. Yup. Yvonne DeCarlo with his mom. Oh, kind of remember this. Can I break that down? Can I buy that dog? Can I bet that dog? I remember that guy. Yeah. I think a more for us. You good. Give us one more good one. We know this because he's a friend of the show. Adam, 22. He's a friend of yours. So I guess his girl, she did start porn in the beginning. But then once they got together, they found so his wife, Lorna Allen of the plane. I think Lena, the plug. She's a porn star. They met when she's porn star, but since blog since they got together, she's beautiful. But since they got together, she's only slept with women and never with another man. She stopped doing like male female porn. And then recently, he has a show called The Plug Talk, where they interview a porn star, and then they both f**ked the girl who watches that more or Brian Callen show. Close both do really well, but recently she he was open to her f**king the dude and they got the if you if you watch black before he's like the star of Black, that dude black, you all say, Yeah, I know the real pie bottom to that guy. Yeah, you know he is love. Yeah, he's the Karl Malone of porn checked out of his mind. I got a piece on your own. He brings it every comment. All my love in the book. He delivers every time, baby. Oh, he delivers everything. But that's his post. It's kind of funny, too. It's officially been a week since I let my wife do porn with another guy felt a little jealous that, first of all, overall wasn't a big deal. She's watch me sleep with hundreds of girls. Never affect our relationship. Sleeping with that gentleman has been amazing for both her career and our business. The plug talked overall. I'm glad we did it and I'm happy to report her vagina has returned to its original pre big black c**k size. So this is what he's tweeting about his wife. And I have a kid. They do have a kid for real. Those two kids are going to to prove they're going to make it fashionable so the kid can go online and go, Oh, my mom got, Oh, now I know why she's leaving the plug. Yeah, it's so strange. I don't know who is this bank, though. I don't care who. It's stupid, mom. Who is the show so big? Who? Adam YouTube, 22, is a show. It might be no chaser or something. No, no, no, no, no. But, but. But the plugged show is his biggest show. I think it has to be subscription based. Look, some people are into this stuff, and I don't care if this lady likes to do. I don't give a s**t. Making money don't want to do it, OK? And if he's open to I don't get what people care. She's down, he's down. Who gives a f**k. I don't care. That's it, that's it, we're almost at two hours. I love it. You make it easy, do July nine is July 9th. I'm doing a show with Darrell Hammond. We're doing impressions, real improv. You could pull that off if you go to my god forbid you go to Miami. Do? What's your what's your web stuff that I was coming out? You only 50? You're a kid. I'm a lot older than you. Here you go. Oh, there's my intake photo from rehab where it's on my page. There you go. Is on the left is the ad. Oh, you'll see the boy. Here is putting forward for a mouse. Well, I don't have my eyes, but you turn around and go. Jane wants to take something from me, all right. Blue Cross been notified of the truck back. Yeah. And finally, you know, Del Género having a Senate inquiry, right? And that's looking like a f**king look at Beverly's hanging over the phone that Egypt crashed. Health and housing in Florida, coach Tony Bennett. Look, it was bogus. That looks great. Yeah, yeah, that's cool. You went to my intake photo. You guys have done shows before you take off the bad ones. Oh, I see. You get to sit down. What's he up to besides the stand up? Go back to my page when I got going on. What about me? You said and photos? Yeah. Scroll down. Someone like, Keep, just wait. Was it a wicked look fighter in the kid all over that motherf**ker? No. Keep going. Oh me, is dick vitalité. You ever see that? No, we're right there. This all go to that. Oh, sorry. I mean, only one thing that's right he's got shot. Takes baby clothes. Hey, hey, you get the Oscar. You get the point. Okay, fine. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep you. Just see me bald. Look and f**king terrified. Keep going. Keep going. No Emmys, no Emmys. No Emmys. No where me. Is passed it. Pass it here, no pass encoded, look at me in a f**king cheering, Oh oh oh, look at me jumping rope to the left. Hey, go fear stranger. It's fine. I got crazy, crooked feet. Uh. Know, keep it in your heart, check that my heart f**king be talking about like he had a sonogram on your heart. Socks and. But there was one with the hat on or oh, wow. Now, intake, meaning you are going to rehab, that's like when they're yeah, wow, that's me, the a year after the Wu-Tang. Wow. I'm like, Go back to that. You don't look bad. No, soulless. Yeah, that was that when he tough there. How much are you doing at that point? All of it. All of it. All of it. Probably 300 milligrams a day. Yeah. Three. What was your main thing? Was it Adderall? Wake up. Swallow a 30 snort or 30? Take my kid to school. Snort 15 on the way back. Swallow a 30. I drive to Malibu to fish. Swallow a 30. Like that's. We're not even at nine am. How the f**k did your heart not stop? Oh, lucky. How did years not stop start? Well, there was one I bet those fish were f**ked when all the lateral just like I fished alcohol. One year we took a hundred fish out. Wow. Just on the paddleboards fishing from the paddleboards of Rybar and Dukes and like running. Oh yeah. Wow. What kind of f**king fish? Calico ba*s. Oh damn. Would you eat them? Yeah, like a motherf**ker. I would do that. I would paddle to the Malibu pier and back then go run wrestling practice. What would you use for bait? I can't tell you that. No grappler crank baits, they got like the plastic thing, so when of, you know the stuff, yeah. I'm a fisherman to this problem. Yeah, that's why one of my favorite. Yeah, but you're fishing for carp? No, I'm a fisherman. Carp man. You can carp. It's disgusting. Yeah, it's horrible. Yes, the grunion are running. There goes, No, I don't go green. You get together and murder some fishing for carp calf stuck there. They're too bony. They're disgusting. They give me the creeps and koi. You go to somebody, they get those stupid lips. Yeah, I like koi. You get bounced like a corn niblett right now. Lost your leg, though? Yeah, right? But those bats are voracious eaters. Do they love that f**king crank bait? That thing goes by. They're just like a bat. I had a I had is on a GoPro, so I can't prove it. I caught a baby barracuda. I'm on the paddleboard and I'm filming it on a GoPro, and I get them to like where that bottle is off the side of the paddleboard. And a f**king bass comes up under it and goes to eat the barracuda and hits the other part of the lure. So I brought in two fish on one lower f**k. I thought I was going to be, Do you ever see any sharks? Too many dolphin? I saw one once I was behind Dukes and it was like late afternoon and it was just coming toward me swimming north as you guys would know it. But it's actually west north. And I was like, Oh, f**k. And I was like, It's not a dolphin because it tells doing this, not this. Oh, wow. And so I paddled home, I guess, quickly and calmly as possible. But the Sun was setting. So every time I turned around to look, the Sun was I couldn't f**king see, and I got about a quarter mile and I saw dolphins over here and I'm like, Okay, thank God. How big was it? I don't know. I just became a speck of dust. Yeah, immediately. Like, Yeah, yeah, it's fun to see a lot of grey whales. Do you really well? They're either coming or going through the light. It's like no March, April, like November. I think it's like never coming back unless they come in that close. Yeah, November they come down and read and write you a check it out yourself on du traitement duke's f**king go. You own skin. But come on, man, I just want to go see some whales with blind duke's man. Tell you what, guys. If you like comedy, you come to the Green Zone. You could tell these funny looks that one photo Greenville. Yeah. Greenville, South Carolina this Friday, this Saturday, and then I'm at the Blue Room. Springfield, Missouri, July 20, 21 and 22. Come get no. Actually, I'm only there, 21 and 22. I got to take that off the website. All right, you're going to read a lot once enough. Yeah. Well, when I'm around L.A. July 28th job, my friends are in town July 28th. I've got to check my day planner. Let me know. I'll take you. I'm old school. We got a bunch of dates coming up. Love you guys. James, are we going to hear more at the Hollywood Improv? Like you said? July nine, dog or two months off, man, I'm chilling. Yeah, man, chilling to my kids. Love you.