Grape Therapy: Sisterly Bonds & Teenage Confessions with Haley Bristowe

Transcript

Action park media. This episode of Wet Jeans is brought to you by wet jeans. We got merch coming out, folks. This Friday summer exclusive drop is on deck in two days. We have a brand new website. We have faster shipping. Everything's going to be bigger and better. It's going to be a new website. Look for it and our social accounts. Once the items are gone, they are never coming back. We will have a little bit bigger of a stock. But yes, this Friday merch drop summer, let's go get make sure you buy it or else you're completely meaningless and useless to us and gets a new drip for the summer. Let your hair down and it's a good drop, so just f**king buy the marriage or I'll harm every single one of you. We're f**king lies. Cut the music, cut. Cut the gotta be what they always do that today. We got the music God. Then it would get on the mic and start chatting s**t. No, there's no way. Leaf blowing just started. There's no way. There's no leaves here. There's no leaves. It's rocks. What is it? Yes. There's no way there's no rocks. I mean, there's no leads to only rocks shot. There's no way that just started, it's it's nonstop. They just walk in place, just do a bunch of s**t they don't need to do, like always hose down s**t like you don't need to like rain to be using that, much like by the pool, they always hose down random s**t like, you don't need to be doing that. Well, now I have a headache now. I don't know if this is picking up on the mic. It wasn't. It hasn't before. It's usually just the jackhammer. Usually when the jackhammers are firing, this f**kin place do, and they must be washing some sort of illegal money because they just do not need to leaf blow the rocks. I'll give you something the leaf blow. And what that. Oh, anyway, how are you living, man? It's been good just, you know, just, you know, taking it one day at a time. Yeah, that's all you can do. You can also you can really do all you can do. You just going to take it one day at a time to the end of the day, it's just one day at a time. It's one day one flight in front of the other. One of these things is not like the other. What are these things? Is not like my brother, anything else going on or no trying to think specifically? Blowing is so loud that I have to call it a jury duty. I forgot that I'm not going to be here. It was supposed to be next week and I'm going to be here. Where are you headed? I'm going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina, for a few days, and then I'm going to be driving down to Charleston, South Carolina. Wow, the home of dudes that way or vineyard vines. They are the home of dudes that wear spareribs with midcap white socks. The home of those same kids that wear spareribs and they wear Metcalf socks and their hypochondriacs because they're so g*****n rich. They have nothing to do but find things wrong with themselves that don't even really exist. So they go to the doctors. They got that nice health care. Yeah, we need health care. Action packed Media Day right now. I know we're not like employees on salary. I'll tell you something, dude. I need some f**kin care to their health. I don't have health care either. Facts, bro. Are we technically independent contractors? Yeah, we're. So can we can work. We can work in people's homes and stuff. Yep, we can do whatever we want that we've Boeing is. I don't know if it's like I don't hear in the microphone. I think it's to be too distant. OK. Speaking of distant. Emotional distance. I'm getting so emotional during movies lately, and I don't watch a lot of movies like you and Kevin Connolly like, Dude, you haven't seen this movie, haven't seen that movie. I'm just like, Nah, dude, I haven't just I don't know why. I don't see a lot of movies. I just don't because my teeth are just to the grindstone and I'm just hustling. Yeah, you're not busy with. You're watching porn. Yeah, softcore. No, it's not that. It's just you guys were referring to so many classics and stuff. And the second I see a guy in a top hat or black and white film, I'm out. Yeah, I can't. I'm a woman cinephile. So which is not to be confused with a pedophile does get mixed up a lot, you know? Yeah, it's hard to. I'm a registered cinephile, so, so other people in my other people in the area that I live in can see that I'm really into movies. Speaking of pedophiles, I saw that HBO and all these big companies are back recreating movies or whatever, and I saw HBO had a new I don't know if it was a series or an episode or what, but. It's called The Secrets of Dumbledore, and I was like, why now? I mean, Harry Potter, the books are so long. There's so many movies. What you do, what you do in playing with Harry's wand, like what could potentially be a spin off that is so interesting about Dumbledore? I thought J.K. Rowling got cancelled by the trans community. How is she still writing this s**t? I don't think it's even her anymore. Oh, thank God, the rights are sold. No, I'd assume it's because I think she writes the Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, which is also another spin off. It's the one that they wrongfully Johnny Depp had a character and they wrongfully kicked him off of it. Now, one of the reasons why he sued, what did she do to the tranny? I mean, trans. I don't know if Cheney is bad. Probably I'm assuming it's a bad word anyway that you can't say anything bad. Everything's bad. What did J.K. Rowling do to the trans community? I actually am asking her. Honestly, I read into I saw tweets for one time and I'm so far outside of that community. Like in terms of understanding exactly what because I don't understand anything that any of the words people use anymore. So I really couldn't tell you why I think she she just said something about. Maybe like along the lines of like trans women aren't the same as real women like women that are born female, but boy, be so bad about that. I don't know. Don't lie. I read it and I was like, Oh yeah, I don't give a flying f**k. So I kept jerking. Let's just all treat people with respect and all be friendly. It's really that simple respect with the two instead of the a*s. Yeah. All right. Derek Jeter. Yeah, so. So what were you? We were just just being like even in sports movies like whenever a pivotal moment happens, I've just been like immediately tearing up, and I'm like, What is going on? Like, Am I pregnant? Like, what is going on here? I don't know why. I don't know if I'm just like Mars. The Moon is different. I don't know. Is Adam Sandler back? I guess he's so back that it made me cry. I don't know. He is a good actor. He's a really good actor at making people. I wish I could cry at a movie like I generally do. I feel it. I just feel like that would be liberating. But I watched. Speaking of like, weird s**t. I watched episode two of that new documentary on Netflix, the one about what's the Latter Day Saints? Yeah. Spent two seasons on a ladder. Mm hmm. But I mean, I was there, too, and one part actually got to me a little bit. It was like the part where the girl and the guy thought they were going to like, be together forever. I don't want to, like, ruin it. I'm only on episode two, although how many ruined it, dude. Okay, then. And then, like, they like, couldn't be together because they were so brainwashed. They thought that this like this f**king dude, this dude with terrible teeth who like claim to be the prophet of Messiah was like, f**kin like 14 year old and s**t. So he picked a different person for the girl to marry. Yeah, I till he picks, who f**ks. I am what really felt bad for the girl, that girl and the guy? They seemed like they got their lives kind of f**ked up. Wait until you see what he did to her. I'm I'm. I just finished episode two. I'm going. I went on, I don't know what it is about me, baby. It's just because I like to see other people the misery in other people's lives. But I've been like crushing like crime docs and s**t. And like, they date Dateline. No. No. It's like just like these episodes of like murder mystery type s**t and like getting to the bottom of who killed someone. And it's pretty good. I think those are good, but I don't watch him because it reminds me how f**ked up the world is. And it's funny because it's not funny, but they just it's a little bit funny. It's a little bit funny. Like the Church of the latter day, Posse's the priest was called the prophet. And this is not fiction. With fiction real? Fiction is is made up. This is not fiction, this is real life. This is in Arizona. This is in Colorado City, which is like forty five minutes north of us. If you're on a plane, not even if you're on a dirt bike, you probably get there in 45 minutes. But this is a real guy who real people are calling the prophet like nodded. It's just some random guy that has control over you people because you've never left the town you're from. Yeah. Like, go to go to Vegas, go a little bit north west and just be like, Yo, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, this is not a prophet. This is not a God. This is just a random pedophile in our community. Yeah, very weird. Yet another reason why organized religion. One of the worst things on the planet, dude. I don't care what you say. I mean, I had a friend the other day tell me he saw a motorcycle accident and he was like, first on the scene and he saw a guy and he actually had his hand on him like he had EMT experience, luckily. But he told me that he was praying for the guy to pull through because a guy was really hurt. I actually don't know what ended up happening happening to him, but he told me, you went to church the next day to pray for the guy and like I commend now, I understand you're trying to do the right thing and everything, but there's so much bad happening in organized religion that I just feel like praying on your own would help the guy more than praying in a church. Yeah, because if you're praying in God's house, in a church, there's so many little kids that have been derailed in there and so many older guys looking at boys asses in there, specifically the altar boys. And I feel like your prayer is a little bit tainted. I feel like if you prayed for the motorcycle accident guy outside of the church, you would help him more. That's just me. So I was, yeah, I was going to ask you because I kind of forget just praying in church. Amplify. The power of the prayer or like, can I? Is there a difference between just praying in your house and praying in a church? Well, that's the whole idea. Thank you. Closer to God. That's the whole idea, because it's God's house. But apparently God owns a lot of real estate because he has a lot of churches. Hey, properties that your best investment in God knew that from day one never been a better time to buy. It's a great time to buy it. It's a seller's market. It's a competitive seller's market. Escrow 401K. Yeah, because then I don't know if if praying in a church doesn't amplify your prayer that I would never go there because it's worse for your knees, like those padded things like don't do anything, you're eating stale brisket and drinking the blood of Christ. And is that a pinot noir? Like, what kind of wine is even in that you don't know what you're drinking? And I'm not calling every priest at Bill Cosby, but I personally am not going to share a glass of wine with a priest after seeing what these guys do. If I was a cop most of all and I needed to, and we are. And if I was a cop, I would just wait, especially in Arizona, its zero tolerance policy. I would wait until the church ceremony is over and everybody starts driving out. And I would just pull all them over for four drink for drinking and driving because in Arizona, you can't have a single sip of alcohol and drive zero tolerance. So just wait out in the parking lot of the church. Everyone that came out, I would have my whole entire like platoon. I don't know what they call like a group of policemen and they all SWAT team, and we just pull everyone over that poll that drove out of that parking lot. You get so many DUI tickets. Yeah. God can't get you out of a DUI. Yeah, that's for sure. I'm not saying I'm not A. I'm not anti-God. I'm not anti-religion. Organized religion is where I throw up a stop sign and I say hold on a minute, because that documentary that we're talking about the Church of the latter day c**t who was just so f**ked up the guys in prison like and they're still trying to get him out. People still like the guy they call him the prophet. Hey, dude, the prophet in prison where he should be. Yeah, he's a guy in prison. He's not the prophet. But anyway, how does this affect LeBron James legacy? So who? So what? We're going to tackle a topic that not many had discussed here. Who is better LeBron James or Michael Jordan Todd? You want to want to start this off for Steph Curry. Made that three last night. Does that solidify his legacy against LeBron in the golden age of the Golden State Warriors? Who is the real goat? Is it Michael Jordan or is it Muhammad Ali? Who is it? Who's the real goat? Is it Ulysses S. Grant, or is it Scooby Doo? Who is the goat? Who is the goat? Is it Tim MC Fart Stain or 40 MC fart? Come those shows and you get older? What happened to sports shows? I remember ESPN before school. Every morning I would sit in front of my TV and watch it. It would be the best time of my life. Just we're just in a downward spiral in life. About everything. You can't even have a normal sports show anymore. Like whatever happened to good sports shows, you turn on TV right now, they're like, is Baker Mayfield fourth quarter quarterback performance greater than LeBron James, his effort in the 2017 finals with the Cleveland Cavaliers? Dude, kill yourself. Yeah. Skip Bayless. Kill yourself. It's all. Yeah, now it's all. You just got to be the most ridiculous person on the TV. But he's doing his job, though, because I'm in my kitchen slash dining area, wherever, whatever this piece of s**t area is supposed to be in my house, in my two hundred square foot apartment. He's getting me fired up, so he's doing his job and I get it. It's like the Jake Paul factor, like, you're the heel, you're that you want everyone to hate you, whatever. But it's every sports show now. It's just so at f**king it makes me want to just jump off this balcony. Yeah, and there's a lot of things that make me want to jump off a balcony just like more like just a moment like I don't want on, I actually jump. First of all, I never. That's not how I never kill myself. I like some guy. So what's this whole thing where people climbing free climbing towers now? Some guy just climbed into our like, Oh God f**king man, we was called Sky D-Von Tower. Some s**t. Thing is Omaha or something like that. And it's like a tall ask for multiple states. Yeah. Like where people are stupid. They call them the the pro, the pro-life Spider-Man, or some s**t like that. I want money and these people need to start falling because it's getting like shoe paint balls at home. Yeah, I miss. People need to start failing at the stunts they do on television. You remember that time? This is probably like six years ago, actually, probably one eight years ago, that guy walked on the tight wire over the Grand Canyon. I just would have loved if he died. We're an awesome. I just you need it. I'm a huge believer in population control. You need things. You need people to die. Well, that's why I think school zone should up to speed limit from 15 to 75. Yeah, part of being in school for kids is like, Hey, you just sat through eight hours of worthless garbage that you'll never use for the rest of your life. Now you got to cross the street and get a mommy and daddy without getting hit by a Ford Raptor. Yeah, that's something that should be a part of it, because that's more important than Pythagorean theorem. Thanks for teaching me cursive for two weeks. I appreciate that. Thanks for making me go to church on Wednesday. It's just so the priest can f**king touch my balls. Never happened. But speaking of churches, Oh my god, I must be because the pandemic is s**t. So much s**t got canceled the pandemic. And you mentioned this earlier in the week, my feed. And you mentioned it. So obviously your feed is just all weddings. Yep, it's all weddings and all wedding issues. This is the most condensed, probably wedding season of all time since the 1917 Spanish influenza pandemic. Probably because everything for all these weddings for two years basically got canceled. And now they're all like right now and it's just out of control. Everybody's having their wedding, and it's not even the actual wedding pictures that are pissing me off. Like if you get married and you post it or she gets married and she posts there, he gets married and he puts it, it's the ones that are not. The actual wedding is being wedded and the pictures of them, it's the people in attendance. So if somebody is getting married and they post a picture on Instagram, fine, whatever. I get it, you're getting married. Sick. Post the picture of divorce. By the way, if you're not pussy, don't you, then it's like the people that were at the wedding. Then they have weddings over the wedding and there's more wedding photos. Congratulations to the couple. Thanks for having me. It was wonderful time. So now there's like not just one wedding picture, there's like 40 of them. And then on top of that, there's ten weddings a month right now on my feet. So it's just all weddings. I feel like I'm on an app for weddings. It's essentially a pyramid scheme, everyone. Statistically, people are going to get divorced. It's going to happen. So I expect to see divorce pictures and six to eight years. That's why I think the actual wedding, the celebration should be five years after the marriage. It should be at the five year mark after the marriage, when you've actually accomplished something because anyone can get married. Anyone can do that. Not everybody can stay together for five years. I think the actual celebration part shouldn't be when you just, OK, you're married because anyone can do that, and it's not proving that you guys are even and what it should be like five or 10 years after the wedding. When you can celebrate that we're still together, you're not. I'm saying that's a great idea, man. I just think it's it's equivalent to a participation trophy in Little League Baseball. That's a f**king great idea to have celebrations for every milestone, like we made it five years who made it 10 years to like, really celebrate something like you guys just farted in the same bed together for five f**king years? Yeah. Like, you'd be proud of yourself. You guys are at the point where you can fight in front of each other. That's like, that's probably one of the biggest steps that's bigger than having sex in our relationship. I am a being able to fart near someone a hundred percent that's more nerve wracking, then walking down the aisle with the girl. Soledad? Yeah. Who do you walk down the aisle in a wedding? I don't even know the woman walks down, the bride walks down the aisle with her father. That's what happened at my wedding. I'll tell you right now she's not walking down the aisle with any other man. I'm the jealous type. I don't care. I don't care if it's her. You're not walking down the aisle with another man. You b***h. f**k you. What the hell is that pool floating hanging out that window? Your neighbor to the bottom has a pool float hanging out the window. Oh yeah. What is that? Oh, I think it's like. I think it's like a balloon. No, there's a balloon. Balloons do wow, you guys. Congratulations to the happy couple, oh, the happy couple still happy they are when they realize all of the idiosyncrasies that everybody has, that just drives people f**king crazy. You know, it's driving me f**king crazy. There's like a weird. So I'm not a tick tock the guy, because I don't want to poison my brain yet. So I settle for Instagram Reels, which is probably just as bad. There's like a weird trend going on where it's couples are posting TikToks about I'm not going to do the laundry or he's going, he's going to do the laundry. Have you seen that? It's like a hot topic right now. It's girls or wives posting like, Oh, he thinks I'm going to do the laundry for him. He's wrong. And in my head am like, bro, there's laundry machines. You're not even really doing the laundry. What's this big thing about how I hate doing laundry or men in girl, you better do his laundry? There's just a lot of laundry on my feet. Do we have washing machines and dryer machines? Yeah, the machine does it for you. Imagine mingling, running, jumping around like the thirties. Dude, you literally everyone has this big beef with doing laundry, and it pisses me the f**k off. How entitled are you? You take the dirty clothes, you put it in the washer, you press a button and the machine washes the clothes for you. Now I'm going to explain now I have to explain how washer dryers work just to get it through everyone's head of f**king stupid. This is. Then when it's done, it goes beep and that, you know, when it's done, then you take the clothes out and you put it in the dryer and you press a button and it dries for you. Yeah. What is so excruciating about that? People, people are f**k. You just don't know how easy the folding part does. I will be. I hate folding laundry. Come on. It's not that bad. It's not that. No, it's not that bad. It's same with dishwashing. It's just like, s**t is so easy. It's really it's hard to complain about things these days. People do. I mean, it's like a big trend right now. I'm telling you. I wonder if anyone relates to this. If you do leave a review when rate the show, but it's like you're not doing anything, you're folding the laundry. What's the big deal? It takes like ten minutes. It's also kind of like the thing where like that old that old trope or like the wife is always nagging the husband about taking out the trash. It's like you're really only bringing the trash it into the driveway. Like, How did this become a thing? Because people just get people don't understand how buggy they have it. Yeah, I miss the old. I miss the old days. Like in the early seventeen hundreds, when if a woman was caught doing math, she'd be burned at the stake for being a witch. A lot of people with podcasts are like that. They're very they were definitely guilty of this because I complain a lot like I'm complaining about the leaf blowers making noise, which is like, that's just something I'm going to do, and I accept it. But people get very caught up in complaining about every little thing, and I only complain about leaf blowers. I don't complain about doing laundry, so I'm better than life. There's essentially there's a two pronged complain there's there's a two pronged complain figure sort of thing that there's a complaining like. This is just kind of annoying. There's that complaining and then there's complaining where like, you actually think you have it tough complaining, which is like the bad complaining, like it's it's a leap yours like f**k. That's like super annoying, but you don't think your life is any harder because of it. There's a different complaining where like you don't, you're kind of out of touch and you don't understand how easy we have it. Well, I'm only complaining because we're in the middle of doing a show. Yeah. And Steve Leaf green leaf blower decided to start blowing all the leaf blowing everything in town. Speaking of blowing everything in town, I'm going to start blowing something because I can barely afford to even live. These g*****n 401ks are going down these gas prices, these gas prices where we're headed straight for recession. Thanks, Obama. Thanks, Obama. Now want the Republicans involved, not the Democrats, but shut the f**k up dude supply chain. But anyway, did you see that check? Sex robots are out. Yeah, but they have a real skin. I'm like, OK, well, where do they get that? Yeah, like what we love. We f**king peel that off. Some kid like pussy, but I'm not down for robot pussy, I don't think. And also, I saw a video where one of the robots, they did an example. I don't know if you saw this, it was on Twitter and the guy turned the robot on not like sexually, but like he pressed the button. That's an interesting thing. It would be a good idea. He turned the robot on via button and the robot goes, Thank God, you're back. Ten minutes away from you felt like eternity. And in my head, I go home, This is going to be bad, because is that just an overly horny robot? Are there horny? Are there levels to the horny that you could buy the robot? Because of that robot, is that clingy where 10 minutes away from its owner, I guess you could say, which is like already raises questions like you own the robot. Is it what is consensual? What's not? Can you buy a super horny robot if you want to f**k a lot? Can they learn? Can they get horny air? Can they eventually be like, I'm not f**king sucking your dick until you bring the trash out? What's going on? I mean, yeah, it's good to get to a point where you get bad. It's going to get to a point where, OK, well, now this this robot's getting, so I'm clinging. I'm just going to have to have sex with a real woman and then you're cheating on the robot. Can you get in trouble for cheating on a robot with a robot? Or what if you're cheating on your wife with a robot? How does the divorce shake out? Will you get rinsed in court for that? There's a lot of questions, and I think we should just stick to jerking off. Yeah, that's just my opinion. Stick to the basics. Yeah. God gave us hands for a reason. It was so he could jerk ourselves off. What if the robot doesn't want to f**k? Please don't stop. Please stop, please stop. And just like do it. Well, this is why I bought you. Yeah. And then the robot so smart is just like, I don't like this anymore. And there's a big revolt of robots with big teddies. Yeah, I just think it's a bad idea, dude. Like, I just think it's a bad idea to have that realistic if you don't know what this is. Look it up. It's pretty wild. And but the only my only issue is until these things can generate saliva, I have no interest for him. I'm pretty sure they can invest in sprinkler systems in there. If this robot until this robot can spit in my mouth, I have no interest in it. You'd be surprised, bro. They're like doing everything now. Like this? What have you get home from like a long day at work and the robots just on the floor naked and like Doggy. And you're like, Oh my God. Like, not not tonight. I didn't just like, get aggressive. Yeah, like, how is it only for up? Yes. Yes it is. It's only go gla*s. No, I saw the video some kid deemed it to me. I don't want to google it, but I have to now. I don't want to. It's crazy. I will for the show. It's just f**king crazy that we need to start having sex with things that people make in factories. Brother seven day delivery like I'm so horny I need overnight shipping naps. Yeah, I need them prime shipping because I'm not going to last. Oh my God, they look so real. This is f**ked up. How much customization can you do? Can I make it? Let me read. Can customize your like a 2K character? Let me read you the titles featured cat. OK, so this is on the homepage. They're like two thousand dollars, by the way. Anime, sex dolls, full silicone, sex dolls, torso, sex dolls. They have no arms or legs. Holy s**t. Wait, hold up. So where does the pregnant dolls? This is what I'm talking about. Wait, if there's just a torso, is there no vagina? No, there is. There's a picture of it. So where does the legs? There's no leg stumps. There's like a little looked like she got attacked by a shark, so she looks like a lieutenant Dan. Yeah, there's a fragment. There's pregnant dolls. Dude, I'm telling you right now I'm not a psychologist, but this is not good for the psyche to be selling pregnant sex dolls. Ebony. Ebony. Ebony. No word for black ebony. Yes, this big a*s dolls. Huge boob dolls. This is just not good, man. I'm telling you this is going to end up really bad. That's just what I think it's like gambling. This podcast brought to you by Kyle Korver spreads. Kyle covers dot use code white jeans for 30 percent off any betting package. Gamble responsibly, please. But for the general public, if you'll let them do anything, they're going to run wild, right? See, I'm going to honor propose an opposing argument or op ed here. I think it'll actually be good for society because once men are so distracted, so much men are so like dedicated to these fake women, they'll start leaving real women alone and they'll stop. They'll like rapes will probably go down. Women will probably get respected. A lot more will stop seeing them as just objects and will probably advance more as a society because women will be actually like, Do s**t do. This is really so we're going to make like, what are you going to the bars and you'll be talking to a woman just because you're interested in conversation. You have no desire to f**k her because you have this ebony robot at home. So I would ah, I would make the argument that in the long run, it would be good for society and wonderful for women. They're real sized. It's going to give women a run for their money. I want a seven to one. This one's five foot one. And this is kind of crazy. Your doll is made to order so you could pick the pussy type. I'm not kidding how many different types of pussies are there. This one has two different types. You could pick the foot type. What's that mean? Like what kind of feet they have? Oh, I thought, you're talking about a foot type pussy over? Like, What is it? Pick the breast. You can get like solid, hollow jelly. You could pick the pubic hair. They have four different kinds. $35 surcharge, by the way. Oh f**k, that's how they get you. Pick the eye color the tits. Dude, this is insane. I Oh my god, why are you? Why you do what your sex robots eye color is. You can pick the color of their labia. Gee, this is f**ked up, dude. This is f**ked up. I'm having like, like I'm women. It was like that movie with Brad Bradley Cooper, where they like the brain surgery. I'm trying to figure out why you would need to know what the labia looks like. So you're telling me I can make a five to Latina with a fat a*s dude and my f**king Apple Pay this s**t? Can we order one? Can we split one just for just for? I need to see one of these in public or like, I mean in person, take her to the bar across the street and just sit her down. This is my this is my girlfriend, Sharon. Yeah, you can pick the race. It's called, I don't want to advertise this. I should email them and get a sponsor, bro. I'm not kidding. You could pick. You got to. You got to look at this s**t later and so intrigued and pick any thing. Hair, nose, lips, ethnicity. You'll never need a woman again. And just kidding, ladies. Honestly, though, that's what that's what. That's what I'm saying. If guys get so into this whole feat, this female robot thing will stop. We'll stop using women for sex. I think it'll be good in the long run. Yeah, but then chicks are going to be so horny because I've known the bang because all the dudes are going to be banging these dolls. Oh yeah, you're right. There's always some sort of catch, bro. Oh my God. Like whatever. Like, like in 20 years or whatever is my son or like more than that? Twenty five years, my son, I'm going to be asking for like a sex doll for Christmas. Timmy, no, I said no sex dolls into your 15 and you can and you have your driver's permit. Is upstairs just rinsing the f**king door like at home? I'll be like, Dude, you get a job. Move out. I'm tired. You f**kin this doll. It's going to be like the new video games, like when your parents are like, Get off your computers, get off rules game. Why don't you go to a school dance for once your fat idiot, get off your sex doll and go outside and play. Kick the can with your friends, don't you? Going around the block and play basketball with Corey and Jonathan? Why aren't you upstairs? Only f**king on this doll? You perverted. f**k how many times that to tell you to clean up the loads after you're done with your door? So like what? This is great, I'm I mean, me too, I'm forgetting where you went on the show right now. Also, it's kind of it would be a huge you would discover a lot about a person by how if by how they design their sex doll and where are you supposed to hide these things? I mean, they're five foot two. Can you put that in your like? You need a walking closet to store that bad guy ones, too? Now we all know which way I can. Now they could just get huge wrenches. Can I get your screw? Can I just get a guy want? I can just like, hang out with play video games with you as a raging boner? I don't. Yeah, like, I don't. He can have an erection, but I'm not going to do anything with it. Like I just I just sometimes just got to hang out with someone. The guy ones are definitely more complicated because the robot has to like, get a boner. So what if you have a guy doll and you're playing video games with it and he just gets a random bone? You don't think. You don't think it's just a constant erection like you think it actually gets soft and hard. Absolutely. Both two grand for two grand. Yeah, you're getting a male robot. He better be able to get hard. I better be able to watch that flaccid dick get hired. What if you're just playing video game? What if you're watching the Warriors play the Celtics with your male sex doll? Like as a friend, though, you buy just for companionship? Yeah, and he pops a boner on the couch because there was a Peloton commercial and the girl was hot. Like, You have to suck his dick at that point. I don't think. I don't think you have to be gay. Is it gay to suck or male robot's penis? That's the questions that we're going to have to answer as a society now that we're progressing technologically. What if we ordered a male one and a female one and you made them f**k just you would just watch? You're like, you handcuffed yourself on the corner of the room with a ball gag and you're like, No, you c**k yourself with your robots. Are you f**king rock star? The maintenance guy walks in like, got all like I've been for grand on sex dolls. I'm assuming those things would be, you charge them right. They got to be because it's no way to put a battery in those. What if the batter? The battery goes right in the bottle? Oh, it's a battery in the butthole. The butthole battery. The whole bat. So what if I ordered? What if I get like eight of them? I'm just having an eight, some with like hot seven with hot robots. Every night you get eight of them. When you start, you start a baseball, a softball team that's all pitch softball team. You show up with. Eight other robots do it. These things are so real estate, dude, I might get how many spots can they run to? Three four? They can stand up. But all that I know. I'm telling you, dude, it's not. So what? I'm going to get like five robots, girls, like all different ethnicities and s**t just in case and what mood I'm in and just have them around. But what if they all they plot against me? Like, Kill me? Yeah, like they get they start getting on the same menstrual cycle. Is that going to happen? If women spend too much time together, they get the same cycle and these are howling at the moon. Together, they walk across the street to fat ox and like, bring home a different guy to my house. Yeah, what the f**k? What have you brought like when eat seven of them to the to the club and you get to a table and you had like an unreal picture of you, just like in a crowd of fake women like these flawless robot girls? Yeah, my big teddies like they just are. So they're just the most beautiful robot women you've ever laid your eyes on. I guarantee you people are doing that s**t right now, like rich dudes buying. I mean, to grant a pop. I mean, they don't age right? Like they they're there forever unless they just get tired of your dick. The because we kind of ran into this type of situation. The sugar daddy concept doesn't make any sense to me at all, and I feel like I I don't really understand the concept of paying someone to just be somewhere with you. You got to be one lonely, rich son of a b***h. And also, before we say it, I think we got it. Maybe. I'm not going to stop saying what I say on the show, but we talked some s**t about the manager at Fat Ox because he's being an a*****e because I'm not going to take that back and wouldn't change the channel to the game. Like, OK, we already discussed that. Not going to go there again. Somehow, it got back to the employees, a fat ox, and I was just like, Wow, dude, like, we're so rich and famous. Yeah, this is insane. Kevin can't even say anything anymore. Anyway, I can't even say anything anymore, and this is what we do for a living. We say things we just talk about anyway. Yeah. We'll tell you how we got into this subject right now. Sugar daddies, what happened? You could say it. I just don't really understand. I don't understand. Do I have you have. Oh, dude, you're just so horny and delirious when you're like seventy three, you just want women to look at at that point. So you're so. But like a lot of the sugar daddy relationships, there's no contact, really. Like, No, there's no sex. Yeah, but they're that lonely being in the woods. It's like being in the woods for months and you're lost. You're on survivor or something. You finally run into human, human and human contact means that much to you. Yeah, but what is it? Why does it need to be a young woman and a hot woman? Because that's better to look at than like a hot guy, maybe. But what's the point of looking at something if you can't, if you're if you can't touch? Yeah. Like, what's the point of having a GM? Well, it's a matter of paying a beautiful woman to be around you. If there's no like, that's where it ends, because it's just like blue balling yourself. Yeah, but all guys don't have that stamina anymore unless they buy the like the pills that Brett Favre promotes. So then then what's the point of being around a hot woman? It's like shooting a basketball at a hoop, you know, has Saran wrap over it? So let's just tell them how we got into this. And once again, we're going to tell a story from fat ox, and it's probably going to get back to them. Guess what women have to say it was, I don't care too late. It's just a little too late. Keep going. I is a little too little, too late, a little too long, and I can't wait till like my penis. Well, too long. It is like really long and thin, like a hot dog from Costco. Tweet. So we're at a restaurant. We're not going to say watch. And there was a guy there and he was so f**king old and like pale, and he looked like he was about to croak. Like, no offense. Like, I'm going to look like that one day you're going to look like that one day. Now, age like f**king wine. OK, so the guy is really old, and he looked like he thought he was John Gotti, like he used wearing like a very he's wearing a buttoned down white shirt, huge collar on his hair, was slicked back wearing a gold ring like just some guy that goes like. And then I shot him in the back of the head. Just some guy that like to combat Magnum by combined by the parachute, the parachute, the parachute. It won't sit in. So someone calls mozzarella and walks it out more, too. So he's at the bar with, like this chick who's got to be under 24? She's really good-looking and he's like, 70. Not good looking. And she goes to the bathroom and he like, I didn't catch this. Andy did, but he goes to eat food and he picks up the fork. He gets the food and then on the way to his mouth, he just drops the fork with the food on. It just drops it like he wasn't strong enough to lift the food to his mouth and then looked at it on the floor and just keeps going like nothing happened. So this guy is like borderline dead. So whatever he's also facing the girl, it goes very obvious. Like, This is a sugar daddy situation. Yeah, it's so easy to tell. And when you live in Scottsdale for as long as we have, it's, you know, you see, it's so easy to point. So the girl ends up leaving, and about five minutes later, a turn around and this f**king guy is laid out on the f**king pavement on his back, outside the restaurant. So what happened was he fell down the stairs on his way out, either because he was plastered or old. Maybe both. I saw his drinking martinis. That'll do that. Martinis are f**king they'll get you right in the go. So fire department shows up to fire trucks cop show up. They get the guy, a chair, and he's now in a chair outside the restaurant, on the sidewalk. And this whole ordeal was like 20 or 30 minutes long, and this guy is just fighting for his life. And I'm like, What a wild night for the kid. He goes out. He pays for a young woman to be with them. Talk to her about God knows what, probably four one k and someone stole his NFT. Whatever, f**k and people talk about. Actually, he probably doesn't know what nephews are about. And then he falls down the stairs on the way out, and he's like clinging for his life. Yeah. And I just couldn't believe what kind of crazy Saturday night Stuart had for this kid. It's crazy that when you're a kid, it's crazy that when you when you're old stairs become like an ordeal, it almost becomes a life sentence. Like, I don't want to get to the point where stares are an obstacle for me. I just, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, because they're not that hard to walk up and down. Just get down the stairs, man. It's like three stairs. Yeah. And he ate s**t. Hopefully, he's OK and not wishing death upon anyone. But what a wild night out for the kid. Yeah, I get some pussy that he paid for, except she left. Little does she know what happened to her sugar papa. Yeah. Guy, f**kin take the spill, the whole fire department say. And the funny thing about that restaurant is it's so clear the whole front of the restaurant is gla*s. I was just looking at this do like like about to die on the pavement and the whole fire departments around. You could never catch me in a situation like that. I get embarrassed so easily where I would. I would rather like efforts. I would never want to get medical attention, ever in a public place. It was like 6:30, by the way. Yeah, it wasn't even late. Wild night out for the kid, for the lad and it for the lad just f**king eats s**t after peeing on a hottest day ever. I'm going to wonder what happened to him. I want to get to sugar. What do you call sugar, mama? What do you call it like? I want to get a sugar someone, even though I'd like to see their daughter? Yeah, even though I'm like the same, I'd be like the same. I know what you call that. What are they? What are the sugar daddies call the sugar? It's not sugar baby. It's sugar baby. They'll be kind of weird. That sounds weird to me. Sugar? I don't know. Hooker sugar shock. Sugar, hook sugar, sugar hooky. Very good. We'll hook. Yeah, I'm sure some of those sugar hooks, like they definitely be sucking and mucking on things, but some of them don't. It's definitely. Yeah, there's definitely tiers to the sugar daddy relationship. There's like a like an an intern. You're you're probably getting paid like the minimum. Am I hating on either? Know your money, do your thing as long as you're safe, right? Like, it's just like not what I would spend my money if I would be. Oh no, I would be closer. To paying a dude to just come out and hang with me, then paying a girl to just come out and hang with me, talk about Al Horford, how he's been very efficient from a three point line, stuff like that because what is he talking to that girl about? Yeah, because if you're not going to like, what are they what we have in common? They have nothing in common. There's no way. He just wants to come. Yeah. Like he what's he going to tell her about Vietnam? But the whole point of having a girl out is because you want to f**k you. I mean, if you're paying her, I would like that's that's the part. Like, the paying part is the most vexing part because you're paying someone and she needs to be hot for some reason, you know, you're not going bang or have sex with her. So you're paying much paying just to have a conversation with with a hot woman when in reality you could just have a conversation, you could pay someone to have a a more like a better conversations. Maybe your age. Maybe it was a good comedy. Maybe not. But maybe he was trying to bang her and he got denied. Oh, there's also that. Maybe you trying to see where it was going? How did they meet? How did they meet? There's no. There is websites. There's I forget one. I was watching an episode about like this girl that got murdered and she was on it, and I can't remember what the f**k it was called. The guy that hired her murder, she died in shock. No, I think she thought she was going to meet up with the sugar daddy, and it was just someone that wasn't and he killed her. Did you see the hidden camera thing on Airbnb? Derek, what do you want to see it in every movie that you can't just Google like? I don't want to see what women do and when men aren't around. Greg, what are you trying to see in there? You got to be such a pervert to do that. Like that is next level. You need to die. Yeah. Like, what do you want to see in an Airbnb for women? Like what do you think having pillow fights and kissing and making out? But no, they're probably talking on each other's nipples. Yeah, well, they're probably just hanging around them like they prop when they're when women, they're together. They probably fart, right? All right, guys do. Yeah. And I don't want to like that's. I don't want to see that. They're drinking Casamigos talking about sucking dicks. Yeah, like what? Why can't you just Google porn? Like why do you need to literally invest real money in an Airbnb? Wire it with cameras to spy on Airbnb guests. Dude, you need to die. Whoever did that? Yeah, dudes will literally buy a condo in a highly competitive seller's market and invest a bunch of money in it just to videotape women instead of going to therapy and create an Airbnb profile. Yeah, that's a lot of work just to see what women are doing. I'm assuming you did it for women. Yeah. Well, that's why I'm a hotel guy, dude. Like, I'm alone. I'm not down with Airbnb at all. It's run by humans. It's not run by like, so the hotel, it's just Uber for. It's like the uber equivalent for home, as you were talking about this. Yeah, about how that how about UberPool? It's like the craziest concept of all time. Oh, Uber pool got got removed. I wonder why this f**king serial rapist, we're just going in there waiting for a hot girl to get in, though it's it's the craziest concept and I can't believe it passed. Like we talked about this on scary hours, but it opened up a portal in my brain how just how bad that concept was. Well, no wonder Uber doesn't make money. They shouldn't. All the drivers are f**king idiots. Most of them people actually got mad at us for making fun of uber drivers. Somebody left me a mean. Damn weird. I make fun. I'll make fun of anyone. Literally on the planet, they were saying like, you need to respect these people. They get you from point A to point B. f**k you. Now all Uber drivers are good. It's just like everything. I do respect Uber drivers ed do their job and they're pleasant and they're nice. But then there's also the a*****e. So f**k you whoever said that, oh, you're an uber driver yourself and you take pride in uber good. I'm happy for you, but you're not all one person. There's a*****es in the business, too. So take a step back and go, f**k yourself. You remember that time. You remember that time in L.A. when we got into the river, and apparently I think it was me, slammed the door and the guy. The driver was Ukrainian, and he and he said something to us and you happen to know because you have Ukrainian blood, you happen to know what he said and you like, cursed us out. So when we got out, we just both f**king slammed the door. You could f**king idiot, dude, don't care that your countries. I don't care. Your country is at war, b***h. You don't tell me what to do. All the Uber drivers in L.A. are always mad. They're always going off and laying on their horns and s**t, going like ninety five and seventy five, like not all over driving a bad. But most of them are. It is it is you do appreciate like they appreciate. I'm paying for the rides. Yeah, like there. I mean, they are doing their job like anything else. But you appreciate I don't know if you remember when the when the Panay dams like was first poppin mean you couldn't get an uber home because they everybody, like, stopped driving around and we had to walk home and you walked home in slides and your feet. Your feet looked like you just walked across America with, well, some of those two boys names Lewis and Clark, Louis Vuitton and Clark and Clark's like that. I was on my toes from that. Now, you know, like you watch probably two miles and Gucci slides, Gucci slides. I've had those for like four years. They are not comfortable, but I just I just realized something they're not. They're supposed to be sturdy like that because they're meant for like outdoor showers and showering and him and stuff like they're supposed to be water resistant and like, weatherproof. That's why they're built like that. And just they're not comfortable to me. I don't know. It's just like f**ked up wrench feet. I have. I don't know what it is like. I don't know what Paul bunions I have. My feet are all f**ked up. What are girls sucking on them, though? I I prefer if no no one ever sucked on my toes. Yeah, I'm not into. I'm not. I'm not into sucking on feet. I'm on two feet. No, I just want someone to actually explain the science of the foot fetish to me. And I don't know if it was true. I didn't look into it because I don't care enough, but I was certainly curious. And it's like, there's a very specific reason why it's such a big fetish, and I can't remember what they said. It's like a wiring in the brain. I like it's like there's like a science to it. I can't remember where I came from. They're literally just holding up my legs. What else is so hard about that? Like, these bad boys are just meant for running? Oh f**k, I want to suck on all these feet. You don't want to suck. What's your favorite toe to suck? OB the pinky suck on my pinky toe, not a sarcoma. 11. You suck on my big toe and then stroke my paquito baby suckers, babe. Suck my pinky toe. It's the most. It's the closest shave to my baby. You know I like that. What's it called? When your middle toe is bigger than your big toe? I have that. What is that called? Does it name for it? I'm sorry. I'm on Queen Dolls dot com, I mean, criminal history in search, what is it when your middle toe is i spelt toe o w those that are when you're going to tell a company getting so f**king stupid, then your big toe. It's called Morton's toe. Morton's time, I have that, too. What's it called when your middle toe is bigger than your penis? Treat that, OK? That's called Morton's dick. Oh all right. So so if it's called live, tweet more and tell when. So it's cut. So it's called mark to your middle toe is bigger than your big toe. But what's it called when you are big? So tweet tweeting live on the air, live from New York, it's Saturday. It's called more toll when your middle tell is bigger than your big toe, but what's it called when your middle toe is bigger than your penis? Tweeted. Put that on the web. Put that on the internet. Yeah, dude, we're wrapping this s**t up. I was going to talk about merch, but that's just I'm going to talk about merchant beginning, so I'm going to cut this and then we don't need to cut anything. Scott, don't you dare edit anything out besides that one part? That's a wrap, people. That's a wrap around Los Angeles in two weeks. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. To wrap, this episode is brought to you by man escaped, use cold wet jeans for 20 percent off and free shipping, we appreciate everybody that has used the code. We have renewed with man saved until the end of the year. Let's f**king go, baby. We got that renewal money, b***h. Just kidding. Not that. Not that much, but it's something back up to Brink. But it couldn't be possible without you guys have such a great sponsor like them, man escape dot com. I could read the script on what what they have and everything, but you just got to go on the website. It's affordable. It's reliable. I still use their s**t since day one. Very relatable products. If your ball stank, they got that ball deodorant. They got stuff like that. Please go to landscape dot com use code watching 20 percent off. They have a lot of great products on here. If you're a guy and you're listening to a show, even a girl lets spices s**t up. We want to take care of your pubes from the bottom of our heart. Your pubes are our issue. Yes. OK, that'll do it for today's show. Enjoy your week. Enjoy this summer's officially blooming. Enjoy it because it could be your last.