Transcript
Well, welcome back this all day with Captain me and Sam, of course, here I am. And we have some strange stuff today. To say the least polite. OK, what would you say is a normal sex life? Well, you're married for how many times, right? How many times a night or how many times a day, or how many times a week or month would you consider to be the norm? A norm would probably like once a week. And that's I wouldn't say that's generous. I'm just saying like, that's realistic in comparison to a lot of people who may brag otherwise. Well, we do have some housewives that are quite proud of their their ability to keep going. Shall we say they put rabbits to shame? That's one way to put it. They really do. Larsa, then Real Housewives of Miami, claims that she and Marcus did it five times a night. Bulls**t. It gets better. Is that the newest brag? Alexis, I guess it is. Alexis Seran, Real Housewives of Orange County, that her and Johnny J. Four times a day, now it's a place that nobody can keep up. But. Katy bragged about her or her hubby doing it two times a day. And they've been married for six years. No, that's the author. He was married for six years and he said, my husband and I do it once a week and that's pretty standard. And I think he's he's lucky in that respect. I mean, they're they're healthy. I just don't think it's realistic, to be honest with you. And there's a study that states about 47 percent of married couples have sex less than once a week. So once a week is more than average, let alone once a day or multiple times a day. And I'm sorry, some of these individuals are. You know, past the golden years, in the golden years, whatever you want to call it, I know you hate the term, but they probably need a lot of a lot of assistance to be able to keep that up. No pun intended. You're talking about the author. He's a horny homosexual in his mid 40s, and he can't get it up for four sessions with or without some little helpers. So Jansen, who's 20 years old or so, he's 60. Is sticking it in Alexis Bellino more than I parked my husband in a month. I'm sorry, that's not happening. That is funny as hell. And, OK, why are they bragging about this? Well, there's some thought that went into that as heaps of sex does not a good relationship make. Even if Larisa and Marcus were fighting that much, they're still broken. Judas says that he or she and her new husband have three times a day. These slackened up a little bit, I think, on this list. OK. These people are not living in a real world. They don't have regular. What was your first clue? Well, I mean, besides the point, I think these people, first of all, who has time for that? I work a full time job. I have a husband, we've been together for many years. I'm young and I don't have time for that. Like, how do they maintain this lifestyle? I don't understand. That's not realistic. They don't sleep a lot. They sleep in another form. That's not sleeping. No, it's not resting more like resting. It certainly isn't there. But like I said, this is not realistic, not realistic at all. It's not, as the kids would say, it's a weird flex. Like why? Why are we? Why are we saying that? No idea, right? All right. When people know you're just lying, it's like trying to, you know, rig your stats. Exactly. Just doesn't fly as far as I can tell. It just doesn't make sense. It's actually embarrassing. It's embarrassing because you're going to get called on it and obvious the claims are bogus. There's no way to prove it. My thing about there's no way to disprove it, either. I wouldn't want to. I mean there, there would be a method, but there'd be, you know, I think, an invasion of privacy. I would agree with you. Yeah. And I don't think there's many people who would want to tune in for that. Oh, no, it's a sick world out there that would top the charts for a while. Gross. I opt out. I opt out. Please opt out. Yeah, I would as well. Jesus Jags and John Janssen, which is not the same guy that she was on my boat with, are engaged after nine months of dating. Yeah. Well, they don't call it dating. It's a nine months and notoriety. That's a hell of a way to have your relationship described. Isn't it going to last? Shannon Bettas ex and her daughter, I have been. Yeah. Better, better to have been rubbing their romance in Shannon's face all season long. And I owed seventy five thousand dollars for a facelift. Yeah, I hope she knows that she's going to somebody that is probably more expensive than they are good. Are you going to tell her that? I can't? Just looking at her? I don't see $75000 worth of work. And I know, I know a few plastic surgeons that are very, very successful. And Alexis has been back. She was off of the season for about 10 years off of the show. And she's since been back, I think, on season 18. She spent most of this season just trying to, I don't know, get back in the spotlight in a weird way and defend Jansen. So nine years or nine months that they've been together. Jensen, who was previously with Shannon, it's all a little bit murky. You know what I mean? She is trash. Look at the side of that rock on her finger. I could live on that for a year or two, maybe still a lot of excitement around their nine month relationship, and now they are moving on to the next stage of their relationship. Been bragging about their time spent together, their date nights, romantic getaways and blended family outings with their kids. Christmas of last year, he actually gave her a promise ring. It was what is this high school gold and diamond band and this is high school. Jesus Christ. Now he's solidifying things with a beautiful vacation. In California, they had a little getaway, and he popped the question there, and essentially they're saying we're not going to hold back anymore, it's our happiness, regardless of what everybody says. So she's on cloud nine and they've celebrated nine months of love and laughter and are looking forward to forever more. I bet their hashtag nine month strong hashtag love of my life. That sounds scripted very well, it could be, especially because her reps came out and said, yes, Jon and Alexis are happily engaged and are looking forward to their long future together as husband and wife. What is a cushion cut diamond? It's a shape, so it'd be like pillow shaped or a throw pillow like on your arm. You're sure of that. Mm hmm. Like pear shaped diamonds, heart shaped diamonds, princess cuts, emerald cuts cushion is a cut. Why would why does it not surprise me that women know more about diamonds than men? Because they're educated on the important things of life? I don't know. So diamonds are really the girl's best friend. I wouldn't say no. I sure as hell didn't say no. I guess. Do you think he's going to get the 75 grand back? Hell no. When somebody asked to borrow that kind of money, you're not planning on getting it back. Not a chance. Well, he says it was a loan. She says it was a gift and doesn't want to pay him back since he dumped and humiliated her, talked about being humiliated. How would you like to have your divorce papers served to you on national TV? Oh, Jax and Brittany at it again added again, you know they are becoming as current in our topics as Taylor Swift was. And I know you just love that. Last week, Jack was talking about getting out of his, his stay at a mental health facility, and this week we're talking about how he was served with his divorce papers from Brittany Cartwright on film. What's worse being served your divorce papers or breaking up an engagement while the cameras are rolling? You mean like our good friend, Carl? Yeah, our good friend, Carl. So what do you think? Six of one half a dozen of the other? Both suck. They're both obviously doing it for money and ratings. You think so? I yeah, exactly. So let's just I mean, if we're going to be honest, let's just sell our g*****n soul to the devil for, you know, to the highest bidder in the most ratings. But let's not be too. And let's let's take any integrity and sharp respect and trot out the f**king window. All righty, then, because we have none of that. Yikes. In my opinion. So you find things I think should be just, I think for some things should be kept private. Do you think it was just capitalizing on a moment of entertainment because it was going to happen regardless? Do you think it was a part of embarrassment? Maybe. I feel like she's been embarrassed quite a lot by his behavior. And I don't really don't. I just I just think that personal matters should be kept personal. If you undertake all your laundry and, you know, aired out the front door before you wash it, put it out there for everybody to see. Sure, go ahead. If the money's right, which to me, if you're putting money ahead of integrity, I just think there's something inherently wrong with that. I think so quickly, people who claim to love each other can turn so fast on one another that defensive nature comes into play. And I know she is acting in a place to protect her son, but by airing it so publicly, it definitely doesn't seem like she's keeping that protection in front of mind. Yeah, she can wrap it up in a CD and give her give it to a murder on its 12th Christmas or something. What's that? All of the videos of the two of them. Yeah. Let's just add it all up so our kids can see it. While the celebrity children of the world are definitely seeing these things, or whether the good, the bad, the ugly there, you're seeing more and more putting it out there. They're seeing more and more of it than they ever have before, because it it seems to be quite popular. And I hate to regress and sound like an old man. But but those that sort of thing didn't happen back in the day because it wasn't one went. What do you mean it wasn't available? There are lots of things that happen happened, but not it's not that they weren't. They were not in a place to be captured. I would say the ease of being everyone having a video camera or a camera in general in their pocket. I know it's much easier than it was then. Yeah. But things we've we've heard, things that have come out, well, not so recently. You know, Marilyn Monroe wasn't any stranger to the White House and Bobby and John Kennedy. But you didn't see that on the front page of Variety, even though they may have known about it. Well, maybe they were able to keep that stuff under wraps or. Paid off or who knows? I don't know. Here's a really nice person. Chappelle Rome overnight sensation. At several top songs on the 40 Billboard charts right now. And she really doesn't have time to be bothered with her fans. At all. And she's crying about it. She's crying and complaining about all the attention she's getting, but I don't think she's crying about the money they're spending, buying her interpretation of music. That's an interesting thought. She doesn't owe her fans a hug or any of her time. Crawling out of social relationship, celebrities have their fans, I don't give a f**k if you think it's selfish for me to say no for a photo or for your time for a hug. It's not normal. It's weird. Thoughts. So she kind of became an overnight sensation and being thrust into the spotlight. Probably as quick as it has happened and reaching that level of demand is probably very jarring and need, like people needing your attention at all times is very overwhelming. That, to me seems like a lot, but I think her response to this was very defensive and probably rash and biting off the hand that feeds you. What about you, what are your thoughts? She doesn't give a f**k. That's a quote. Yeah, that's not me just being vulgar. So what are your feelings for somebody who's been thrust into the spotlight? In that time, that's what she signed up for. She didn't go into a recording studio thinking, I think I'll just record, you know, nothing that'll make it on the Billboard charts. She signed up for that. That's why she signed a big recording contract, which I'm assuming she had on. And. Along with it comes all the trappings like it, don't like it, then don't put your name on the contract. It's what you signed up for. You can't stand it and get the f**k out. Have you seen any of her songs? No. Or music videos, her most recent music video, or maybe it's just most recent to me, it's called I'm not big on watching watching videos or music videos. I wouldn't even know where to go because you go on like VH1 or MTV, and there's more movies and everything else than there are music. No, it's YouTube most of the time, is it? Yeah, but you have seven other million views on this one specific song and understands that people are actually feeling sorry for the poor thing about a narcissist. Mm. Say you're on a plane and you're not you're seated in the outside or the window seat, and somebody in the middle seat wants to take a photo out the window. You let it slide her, do you b***h about it? E ! I am. I think it would depend on how I think it would depend on how they went about it. That's true, that's true. If they leaned over and said, you know, I'd really like to snap a picture, you know what we're going over right now, would you mind as one thing, if they just like, come over and sit in your lap and start snapping photos? Yeah, that's a little over the top. It's just kind of like an invasion of an already tight situation. An invasion of personal space. If you don't know this person and they continue to just reach over you to get to a window seat. But they were too cheap to pay for that window seat. You have to pay more for Windows eight. Sometimes in some airlines you have to pay for specific seats. Yeah. I'll pay to pick your seat essentially. Or maybe they didn't buy their flight early enough, but this person is calling out the guy next to her for doing it. Not once or twice or three times like, it was a continual thing to the point where she has videos of herself and an arm continually reaching over in front of her. To put the phone up against the window, that's Barney. Did she say what was down there? That was so interesting? Doesn't look like she said anything at all. It was her if she was flying to Iceland, so I wonder if you know the views me. That's that's a long flight. Yeah, but she paid extra for the window seat and the girl next to me told me not to block her view of the window. Excuse me what? You know they had those little shades on the window. Yes, that's when that comes down just to piss him off. I just. End of story. Now reach over there, go ahead and open it up. I dare you. It's just so uncomfortable. If you're if you're a right handed person and you reach out with your right hand, you'll be drinking your coffee with your left hand for a while. That's rude. She just wanted to snap a picture and ask about it nicely. That would be something different, but this doesn't sound like she has any class or culture whatsoever. A literal stranger is invading personal space, and it's just plain rude, like there's no sense of boundaries, apparently, or courtesy to other people around them. That's where perspective I'm coming from. You have to go no further than look at any episode of the Housewives and see how they treat each other. And that's typically what we're advertising to the rest of the world, and you're used to and and and we see it, and then when we see it in real life, we get so offended by the behavior, but one that we tune in every week to watch it on television. It's almost like rewarding bad behavior. Right, exactly. And they get paid big money to do that on TV. They show you. Yeah, it sounds like we're kind of encouraging our youth. To project just like this crazy tipping scale that is there's a new trend, which I know you're going to you're going to laugh at these alpha boys, which is another generational thing, are becoming obsessed with smelling good. That's the new trend. Well, that's better than smelling bad. I don't disagree. They do bathing, are they bathing in it or it's not even that they're bathing in it. They want, you know what they say. Smell good, feel good. It's true. But to the point where five year olds have collections of colognes over $100 a bottle and they have almost like a connoisseur of Cologne. It's a statement. It's called A-list aromas, and it's also it's a movement called smell maxing CAD. Where do I get my card? Your work card to that group? Gen Alpha, you can't. You can't. You be a card card carrying member? I don't think so. I don't think so. But according to Urban Dictionary, smell maxing is the practice of applying cologne or perfume to enhance one's musk or aura, typically used by middle school aged males that practice this when it exploded into mainstream. Twenty twenty four. Wow. That going back to school, some of these mothers are saying, Yeah, you know, back to school shopping, and I spent $300 on clothes for her five year old son, pre-school. What father bestowed Reggie, $110, create imperial three hundred and forty five dollars, but has been she has Khartoum's de Mali. Three hundred and sixty five dollars. It's wild. So yeah, this this little kid has got quite a collection. Glitzy Mama Bear has been pampering her cubs since he was in Pampers because God forbid, he smells like baby wipes like every other kid. I'm getting my nose that blows. Well, I'm happy to know that we've graduated past the axe body spray mist and cloud that was in my high schools, middle schools and high schools was that canned axe body spray. Buy it, the grocery store, and it was just to mask the odor of puberty underneath. Wow, that's some strong stuff, I guess. Big thing when I was in school and high school was English leather and JD East. I don't even know what that is. Is that a scent? Yeah, they were both cologne. Are the two most popular that I recall. English leather. English leather. That sounds intriguing to me. Probably something smells delicious. Pretty good stuff has been on the market since I was like 15. But do you think probably before that? Do you think it's something that these new smell and kids would want to have in their collection? No, it doesn't. It doesn't have. It doesn't have a high enough price tag. Well, what about cowboy grass? That's two hundred and ten dollars that might make the cut ready. It's got cowboy in it. So my guess is. No matter how popular Yellowstone is. I don't think Yellowstone is popular with their age group, but I mean, how much to my five year old appreciate a $220 buy-to-let loan? I don't know if a family appreciates appreciates much at that point. And. How much alcohol is in there in the bottle? Yeah, probably 75, 80 percent that they're spraying on themselves, you mean? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Do you know how much beluga vodka I can buy for two hundred and eighteen dollars? I don't know how much. More than it is in that little g*****n bottle of Cologne, I can tell you that amongst other things that are actually, in my opinion, insane is tipping. I don't know if you you've read up on this most recent topic, but how. Crazy, have we gone officially with tipping? Well, Marianne always goes crazy with tipping because you guys have worked in the service industry, which that I understand, but I don't like when COVID was, you know, hanging around whenever we went out to eat her tent would be the same as a check, which is very generous. So if a check was $100 and the temp was $100. Very generous. Very, very generous. Well, because the service industry really took a beating during COVID. OK, so how do you think she would stand when it comes to something like a self-checkout machine at a café or a sports stadium or airport? Sure, she would have three words. The first one would be go and the last one would be sell well. It's getting crazy that, she said. Have you lied? Have you lost your g*****n mind where we're going to tip a machine? Exactly. So there's self-checkout kiosks now that are in airports and cafes and sports stadiums, and customers are not happy about giving this extra money to machines because in the checkout process, or even if you're at a cafe and the person's just entering in your order, they'll turn the machine and it will automatically prompt. Do you want a tip? 18 percent, 20 percent, 25 percent on whatever your bill is, for example, I ordered a latte yesterday and ended up being like $9 because of the tipping that was included with it, which I thought was insane for a coffee. Oh, you didn't even have an option? No, unless you sit there and hit no tip, which is almost like shaming because you're standing in front of a person who's reading that, you're not giving them a tip in front of them. I don't know. I felt like pressured into giving that tip. Your guilted, for sure. But how do we know, especially with these machines, like they're just taking your order? You don't know who this is going to. They're not making or food, your food or delivering it or serving you in any way. That I can understand giving a higher tip if somebody is serving you. But how do you guarantee this money's going to them? Self-Checkout machines now I just now I'm not going to tip a g*****n machine. Even more so if you're doing self-checkout. And I will, I will be. I will not be embarrassed to say no, I will do that shamelessly. And her if you want a tip from me, I want to see you make it. I want it brought over to me. I don't want to have to walk up 14 flights of stairs that you know at a football stadium through all the gummy s**t and stuff that's on the floor to get a 30 dollar bill. And then all of a sudden it gets bored by a machine. And then when it comes, time to pay. The machine wants a tip. No, where are the funds going? Where I will, I will look at somebody and then they're in the eye and go, You're you're f ing kidding me, right? Looking who in the eye? There's nobody there. It's a machine. Somebody's watching the machine. Oh, not always. Could you imagine if you were going to your local grocery store? And now that they do have this self-checkout lines and you're scanning all your groceries, you do all the thing. You've already picked up your groceries, you know, scan them, you bag them yourself, you put them back in your cart. And in the process of checking out and paying, it's like, tip, you're like, How do I tip myself? I've done all the work. What's happening here? Well, they've got that little person standing at the end to assist those idiots that can't check out themselves. So is it going to them because it doesn't specify? No, it does. And I would bet anything that the company takes a whack on it. Yeah. Or taxing it. I mean, I feel like the only way you can get around tipping now without it going through getting a whack at it is handing somebody a cash tip, which I prefer to do when I have cash on me. Yeah, I suppose. I think it's gotten a little out of hand personally. Mike, we go to a place that they pool all their tips. OK, so but the service is really good and because everybody knows that if they don't hold up their end of it, they're probably not going to be there long because the rest of the crew won't put up with that. So what you're telling me is there's accountability in that space, though. Of course not always the case everywhere, and it's hard to have accountability for a machine accurate from from a machine. I agree with you on that. That goes right underneath the that goes in the wastebasket with the woman leaning across the aisle taking pictures. Or, as I would jokingly say, with friends, it goes in the bucket. What bucket? The bucket bucket? Yeah, exactly. So what haven't we covered? I think we've about covered everything we had this way about, haven't we? Do we have any questions or anything? No, not this week. We are wrapping up episode 50. So we're coming up to a year. We are coming up to a year when the whole year you and me together. Yes, as always. Oh, and you are going on vacation soon. I am very excited over the next couple of weeks. I still have a little bit more time. That's OK. Just leave me on my own. I'll be fine. Don't don't worry about me. I will be just I'll be just fine. Not, you're not. Don't worry, I won't. I'm pretty sure your wife. And in your 70 plus years, I was going to say the no, but you're 70 plus years, you've been able to get by just fine without me, you'll be OK for less than two weeks. Uh huh.. Uh huh.. Don't worry, I'll be just fine. I know you're you're on the flip side of that. So worried about me too. I'm international travel and everything. Yeah, I know you're just going to be just you're going to be thinking about. I hope he's getting by, OK? Love said said no one ever if history were to repeat itself. I know there I've been on many international vacations where I've tried calling and you refuse to answer. Well, there's a time change. You're full of it. I know when the time changes and how to work within it. Oh, oh, whatever. But don't worry, we will be back together here soon, and we still got a few weeks before that happens. Don't kick me out so quickly. No, I'm not. At all. You think they have that overseas? What's that tipping the machines? I don't know some places, I don't think you're going to you're going to have to check in. No, they don't. A lot of European countries don't tip. So does England tip? I guess I'm going to find out. I'm headed to London first and then I'm going to be spending a lot of time in Germany, so. I'll have to let you know, I've never been to either of those places, so. It seemed like in Germany they would go. You felt tip or else. Yankee dog, if that were to happen, don't worry, I will record it and play it back for you or send it to you. I would love it. We have to make your talk. Well, my friend, I guess we will leave this be for our Labor Day week. And what do you have planned? I'm going to go out and survey television and see if I can't find. The hell is her name, chaperone. I highly doubt that. But look, when you get me lying, I'm lying, I'm not going to. But if I did see her out on the street or something, I would go out and say, Could I get a hug and is really near poking fun? Don't I look huggable? Depends on the day. Yeah, and she'll go, f**k off. I don't give a s**t. Go hug yourself, you never mind. I will continue on my tirade. OK, well, on that note, thank you everybody for listening to salty. Please follow us wherever you get your podcasts and leave us a five star review and rating and follow us on Instagram. Captain Underscore Lee underscore racerback and its Sam underscored d submitted questions to us on social media and Lee. It's penance, lies and we will catch everybody on the flip side. All right. Have a good one. Bye bye.
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