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The Steve Austin Show

Comedian Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias drops by the Gimmick Street Studios to riff with Steve on parking lots, beer, shots, pro wrestling, Mexican food, gift baskets, life on the road, and their mutual buddy DDP. OHHHHHH HELL YEAH!

Adam Carolla Show
02:12:00 1/23/2025

Transcript

Today at Centreparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. The nation's favorite car buying site, Dundeele Motors, is home to the largest range of new and premium used cars from all of Ireland's trusted car dealerships. That's why you'll find Spirit Volvo on Dundeele. Visit the Spirit Volvo showroom on Dundeele to find your next car. Dundeele Motors, for confident car buying and deals to feel great about from all of Ireland's trusted car dealerships. Visit Dundeele.ie today. In this episode, I do a lot of ranting. Mayhem Miller does some news, and Mark Dubowitz, who's an expert in all things Middle East, really gets us lined out on Iran, Iran, Iran, and, Israel and other things in Middle East, but really gives us a heads up on Iran and just sort of who they are and what they're up to. We'll do all that right after this. From Carolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla show. Adam's guest today, chief executive of the Foundation For Defense of Democracies, Mark Dubowitz, plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now, a man with big brow energy, Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on the chest. They're gonna be on. Excited. Thanks for listening. Thanks for sharing. We love that about you getting the word out. Mayhem Miller over here. Lots of stuff to get into today. Woke up to a very nice text this morning. Yeah. Nice text. That's good. Yeah. About the Convener show? No. The blast. No. About, a a stand up bit called rich man, poor man that I've I started doing. I I did it for dry bar, and, and it got around a little bit. And it's so funny. The the the text was from Jay Leno who I like Jay a lot, but he he keeps it close to the vest with the compliments. Uh-huh. He doesn't do a lot of, oh, man. That was so funny. I saw blah blah blah blah blah. He doesn't do that. He's a great guy, cordial, good friend, but he's not that guy that guy. I get it. Though I wake up this morning, I go, saw the rich man, poor man bit. That is a great bit and a great premise, man. You knocked out of the ballpark, which he never does. But now I realize the 2 guys that came up to me and said, that's your bit were Jerry Seinfeld and now Jay Leno. They both went, that's a bit. Yeah. And I've never done it. I mean, I I always forget to do it. I never do it. There's something wrong with me, but it's a it's it's it's a bit. And and the only two people who've ever said anything about it is Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld because I realized they're comedians, and they think in terms of bits and branded bits, and they're like, that's your bit. So you're saying you're putting in rotation permanently? I'm doing it now. Now I'm gonna do it. I I was you know, when Seinfeld did it, I didn't do it. I got one. But now that went up. Fish to eat. That's your bet? Fish to eat is rich man and poor man. Like, you only eat fish if you're, like, on the pier. Uh-huh. Or you're on the back of a 30 foot yacht getting a marlin. Fish it. But It might not be funny, but it's true. Fishing fishing for sustenance. There we go. Too weak. Exactly right. A fish to eat. It's not Well, it's not it's not the thing about it the thing about it is is the the thing about rich man, poor man is it has to be true, but it also has to be funny Yeah. In in some way. It's not funny. Yeah. And and I have a ton of them that are just true, but they're not funny. There there's something funny. Alright. I understand. And then there's one and then there's ones I like, that no one else likes. Yeah. Like I hear you. Speaks to Bono. I just feel that's a rich and a poor king. No one else laughs. Cheek. No one else no one else cares. I'm dark. Right. So, but, anyway, I have to keep generating those. But it was a nice, way to wake up. A little rich man, poor man compliment from the great Jay Leno. Speaking of Seinfeld, I don't know what I don't know if something's afoot. I don't know if there's foul play. I don't know what's going on, but that guy had a Porsche 917. It's the Steve McQueen Porsche 917 from the movie, La Ma. And that's an iconic race car that Seinfeld bought probably about 20 years ago for probably $2,000,000 or something. I saw it all taken apart in a shop in Van Nuys, a guy named Joey, who I know, who does all Seinfeld's cars. That car went to auction last weekend, Kissimmee in Florida. This is it's Kissimmee? Kissimmee? Kissimmee. Yep. No one knows how to pronounce it here. I don't know. I thought it was Kissimmee. Kissimmee? Yeah. I thought it was Kissimmee. I thought it was Kissimmee. I thought it was Kissimmee. Alright. No one knows how to pronounce the name of the game. Kissimmee. Maybe we should just change the name of it because I no one knows how it is, but but they have a big auction. And they brought the the Seinfeld 917. They put it up. They put it up across the blocks. Oh, wow. Got to $25,000,000. Now $25,000,000 means with the VIC, with the 10% buyer's premium that the dude who's cutting that check is doing 25 plus 10, which is 275. Right? Okay. Yeah. No sale. No. Wouldn't accept it. So I don't know what's going on. I I no one thought that car was worth more than that. There's I didn't even hear the number. You said 2.75. 5.25. $25,000,000 for a Porsche. For a Porsche. Oh my god. The only auctions I've been to is police auctions. You buy a shot up car, yeah, with blood stains all in it, and you take apart one of those cars and put together another car. So it's basically Wow. Yeah. Let's see. What I was expecting. You bought the Blues Brothers Mobile. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Cop suspension, cop brakes, cop transmissions, got a 440. Yeah. That's the car. Super iconic because because Steve McQueen drove it in the movie, and Steve McQueen's, like, production company bought it. Was this at the Reno Auto Museum? No. Now I've seen this car at a museum before. Well I feel like I have or one similar it's a very beautiful piece of art. I love the 9 17. It's a killer car and won Le Mans. This car did not win Le Mans. It was just in the movie. Oh. Le Mans. I get it. Yeah. The iconic Steve McQueen movie. Now I gotta get to my sources because I don't know that he turned down $25,000,000 or that the auction house bid it up to a number to see Yeah. How that worked. There's a little bit there can be a little tomfoolery every once in a while. But as far as these auctions go, everyone who gets in the auction understands the rules. Correct? So he has to know there's the 10% vig on top of what he buys it going in. Did they make that clear? No. I'm not talking about the vig or what? No. No. It's it the VIG is yeah. It's baked in. Everyone who bids knows they're bidding with the VIG. But the guy wouldn't pay it. No. I'm not I think you're misunderstanding. I am misunderstanding. Sale. Nobody nobody they didn't accept $25,000,000,000. I thought somebody did bid 25,000,000. They did bid 25,000,000. They didn't accept it. Wasn't enough. Oh, s**t. That's what I'm saying, Dawson. Thank you. Reserve was not met. So That's after that. That means Seinfeld thinks it's worth $30,000,000. Yeah. Yeah. And it stopped at 25, and Seinfeld said, take it home. We're take we're taking it home. But I don't know that there there are auctions in cars where when you talk to the guys in the know, they go, I don't know about that. That was a little something was off. As a racer, does it make you feel weird that he has stopped dead on a nice turn right here? I mean, it's makes me a little nervous. My butthole pucker up looking at that picture. They're just rolled it out. You might have said this, but which which one would be worth more? The one that won Lamar or the one owned by James Dean? The, Porsche? Yeah. Well, the 550 Spider that James Dean died in is not and has never been found. Right. So it's got stolen. Now it was a wreck, and and it was a wreck, and it was, like, kinda parted out. Like, they took the transacts transmission for you laypeople and the rear end and the engine out, and then the the shell of the thing just kind of went on tour. And in Florida And did they snatch you? Florida One of my cousins got it. Yeah. One of your cousins got it. Nothing makes it out of Florida. They think it's Florida's where they found out it was it was missing. Somebody stole James Dean's crushed car, the car he died in, and it's in some bunker in Dubai. Yeah. It was on a flatbed or something. They were just cartoning around with these blood stains and brain matter on it. Yeah. That's morose. They were cut they were cartoning it around to show back when it was okay to scare kids. Yeah. I was gonna say. Yeah. We don't scare kids anymore. We tell them all they're number 1. We used to have scared straight. We take these kids to prison and some 8 foot black guy would pull his fake eyeball out and throw it at him and go, give me your g*****n shoes. And the kids go, I'm never coming into this place. And then we'd bring him James Dean's car, and we go, this guy died. He's dead. He's dead. You understand? He didn't wear a seat belt. He wasn't wasn't paying attention. We would scare the s**t out of kids. That was a every guy I know of a certain age I've heard had that thing where some car that was completely balled up got flatbedded into the f**king quad, and some guy wearing a sheriff's outfit went, this guy's dead. His whole family's in that car. They're all gone. You wanna end up like that? Keep driving the way you do. Wear a g*****n seat belt. Now go back to cla*s. We scared kids, and it was good because you would go, well, I don't wanna go to prison. I don't wanna die in a car wreck. Yeah. Yeah. And you you would you would most of us would then act accordingly. Yes. Now we just tell everyone they're the f**king number 1. Here's your trophy. Here's your trophy. Doesn't prevent them from doing anything. No. We used to f**king scare people. Yeah. I like the strategy. Yeah. My high school, we had an assembly. Yeah. Labeaux from Hogan's Hero, the French guy Yeah. Yeah. From Hogan's Heroes showed up and yelled at us about the holocaust. Now they just have f**king cool bands. Labeau showed up from Hogan's Heroes. I thought we're gonna get some funny Bob Crane stories. No. We did not. We got yelled at. He could've sprinkled Or like what a cool dude Colonel Klink was, like, off the set or, like, whatever. No. Nothing. A schultzy stories. I ain't know nothing. Got nothing. I got f**king holocaust stories. I got traumatized by holocaust stories from. He directly gave firsthand account of the Holocaust? I I went and researched it, you know, many, many, many years later to figure out why Labeaux came to North Hollywood High in 1981 and yelled at us about the Holocaust. And I think I figured out that Labeaux was A partisan. A Frenchman Yeah. Who was in the, who was involved with the whole I mean, it would have been it would have been about right because because Hogan's heroes was, you know, shot 1968, and, that would have been 20 years 22, 23 years after he was liberated, and Labeaux could have been 45 when he was doing Hogan's heroes, which would have made him 19 Yeah. If as a young Jew in France. He held down the Maginot Line, and that's what he was yelling at you about? Maginot Line. That's a deep cut. Yeah. The Maginot Line was let me just explain how how life works to everybody, and then we'll explain the Maginot Line And then also Labeaux. Find out, Dawson, what what the hell with Labeaux, and why was he yelling at me about Auschwitz? Yeah. What the hell? And then then we walked out of that f**king assembly just to see some car that'd been rolled. Family that died in it. Your life is a San Fernando Mad Lib. Do you do you understand that the only two field trips I ever went on Yeah. Was to the Lawrie's taco seasoning plant in Eagle Rock. And I I left with a small cellophane container seasoning mix for tacos. My f**king hippie mom didn't cook ground beef. I had nothing to die to snort the s**t. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing to do. My mom didn't have meat. My mom wouldn't eat meat, so there was nothing to season. But I got taco seasoning. And then the other trip would be Alvaro Street, which is just a a a f**king alley filled with fake Mexican restaurants and, you know, marinades and, you know, sombreros. f**k. f**k. Half the guys that go to North Hollywood High with are Mexican. What the f**k do I need? Alvaro Street. They wanna show you the Cabell on the corner. Let me show you what this was 1500 years ago. Labeau Labeau, was played by an actor named Robert Clary who was a holocaust survivor. That's why he yelled at me. That's why. Was he as a teenager, like, in the holocaust? Yeah. I think 14. Hold on. Age 12. Mhmm. He, wait. Wait. Wait. In 42, he said he was Jewish. He was Jewish? Yeah. Or Romani? No. He was Jewish. Alright. He has an identification tattoo on his forehead. Oh, wow. Wow. That's why yelled at you. He'd been there. Went to the camp. I can't see what he was. Young man. He was a young man. 12 maybe. Well, how old was he when He began he began a career singing in radio in singing and in French radio when he was 12. I don't see when What year was he born? I think we can do the holocaust. 26. I can do the holocaust now. 6. And then in 42, he was interned. Okay. So he was he was 16. Okay. Right? Or yeah. 16. Now those are formative holocaust years. I'm just You know what I mean? Like, when you're 16, you're trying to get your driver's license and get laid. But if there's gonna be a holocaust, you wanted to go early so you have the strength to get through it. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want old holocaust. You want young holocaust. Yeah. 16. Jesus Christ. That's a rough life. Still pissed by the time it got to North Hollywood. 1981. But a damn decent character actor. Yeah. Sung. Alright. The Maginot Line. The French had a lot of bad actors around them. Germany, one of them. And they're like, you know what? We need to fortify our country by building a Maginot Line. It's a it's a it's a cacophony of underground tunnels and bunkers and rail systems. They're able to move munitions from one end to the other end, all without detection, all, you know, cannons and barricades and bunkers and railroads and barracks. And, they built an entire basically, like, an entire underground perimeter to protect themselves from from the the Huns at the door and and Germans and and and god knows who wanted to come in there and f**k them up. So they built this entire system, and it was all, like, underground with railway tracks. They had, like, castles, basically, and, like, gunning places. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. It wasn't all underground. They had gun emplacements and and barracks and Yeah. Mass halls and bathrooms and everything you would need to move munitions and do everything they did. And then World War 2 started, and the Germans just flew right over the top of Yeah. And bombed the s**t out of Paris. Yeah. Yeah. And they they could do nothing. The technology really jumped up in those intervening years between the time that they built that thing. Because back then, it was like a horseback and whatever. Now you got tanks coming over at 45 miles an hour. Yeah. The the Germans did the blitzkrieg Oh, yeah. Lightning war. Yes. Mitch and I should sit around and watch a little History Channel together. I'm into it. They did their lightning war, and the Maginot Line was no defense for the planes and the tanks and everything that just went blazing right past. Good strategy. That feed the soldiers meth and just get them to dry Get them going. As fast as possible. Yeah. So there's, that. Yeah. Seinfeld's Porsche. A lot of German talk. Don't know what was going on, but, stalled out at 25,000,000 and, was a no sale. So not enough. Now it seems inconceivable to me that Seinfeld bought the car for, like, $2,000,000 and turned down 25,000,000, but I don't know. Well, you got that guy, like Maybe me money. Right? Maybe he also didn't really wanna sell it. Maybe he doesn't need the money, and he's like, okay. If you guys can sell it for 30, I'll I'll talk. Yeah. Yeah. I it could've I it coulda had a reserve. I don't know, but I'll I will I'll follow-up on it. I'll try to, I'll try to get to the bottom of it. Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle me. Nature's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aquajetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. The other thing that I wanted to, get into was somebody sent me a tweet, and and I'll show you the tweet. It it's it's it says it's a it's a it's a bat yawning. It's a bat that's that's yawning. Alright. I think it's a I think it moves, doesn't it? Wait. This looks right side up. Oh. Uh-uh. Waking up in the morning. And then I started thinking about it. Does everything yawn? Why does everything yawn? You know what I mean? Like, I I don't feel I kinda get this part where it's like, well, you yawn and a monkey yawns and you yawn. Your dog yawns. Everything yawns. What what do they need to yawn? What's a bat need to yawn for? I think it's some type of oxygen, like It is. It is a thing, but it's it's it's it is this a little bit weird that it's woven into all the DNA? Is it all is it only yeah. It's not mammals. Just mammals. It's all yawn is a reflex in vertebrate animals character so, yeah, everybody does it. It's it's a reflex probably to some of the feelings your body has when you wake up. Like, your your body needs to It's also just it's also something that happens when you're nervous. There's a nervous yawn. I would always before fighting yawn a yawn. I know. I would You get there's some type of, like Yes. There's a nervous yawn. Anger anxiety. There's an anxiety yawn. Yeah. I I I remember clear as a day after Labeaux was done yelling at us about the holocaust. We had a football game that night, and I'd be sitting we'd be in the locker in the chalk talk room or whatever the room next to the lockers were, and, coach Fred Nielsen, old time good guy, you know, big forearm guy Yeah. Been giving a speech giving a speech. And I would always be standing in the back of the room, and I had the yawn. I had the I had the the pregame yawn. You're talking about the locker room yawn. Like, going out to do battle yawn. Something about it. And and I could I remember clear as day, Fred Nielsen. He's like he's giving us the Eskimo speech about he's giving us a a a a fighting Eskimo speech. What? Okay. Oh, that was your mascot? That was weird. No. We we we it was weird. We were huskies. Yeah. So maybe maybe they're pulling Eskimo around. I don't know. No. No. He wasn't tied into the husky. She was trying to give us an inspirational speech. Sorry. But he's in the middle of this speech, and I'm standing in the back yawning. And in the middle you Carolla. That's right. In the middle of the speech, he stops and go, my poor you Carolla. And I'm like, no. I'm just I'm I'm playing both ways. I'm long snapping. I'm I got things. I'm thinking about stuff. I'm nervous. Yeah. I'm yawning. I'm doing the new I'm doing the locker room yawn. I'm seeing here that, scientists have several theories for why we yawn, but none of them are certain. Common triggers of yawning include tiredness, boredom, waking up, and stress. Are you talking about being a long snapper? Because I coach the number one long snapper in college football. Wow. That dude. Have we Have we never talked about this? Long Just talk. I weave long snapping into conversations with strangers. I noticed. Someone asked me for directions. I tell them about work. Wanted to come out with this, but, yeah, I've I've coached him in jujitsu. He's a really good, jujitsu player as well. Really? Yep. I know. We gotta talk some time. If I had half a f**king brain, I woulda just been a long snapper. Yeah. Do you have you can find me long snapping on TV. Oh, I mean, this is the greatest long snapping moment of my life. This this I think there's some sound here. Professional opinion. Alright. Now you're right handed coach? Yeah. Because what I'll do This is shotgun. This guy's Your right hand, I'll put it up here. K. Already ready for I'll put it right here. Which way you like the laces lined up? I would like the laces towards my pointer. Towards your pointer? Yeah. Alright. So bring the laces about here. To the right hand side. Upper right. Alright. About 3 o'clock. Say, go. Wow. That's pretty good. I don't know. It's not bad at all. I really didn't believe you could put it right here. Yeah. The guy offered me a job. Yeah. I thought that was kind of a blow. On arena team, snap it. You missed your call in, I think. I used to snap the ball in, high school. Well, my dad was a long snapper and his father before him and then my great grandfather Giovanni from the old country used to do the long snapping. Alright. I see the foot now. Set. Go. What a minute. I'll tell you what. We might be able to go snuff a shotgun this year. Yeah. That's pretty good right there. That's impressive. So now that's your biggest regret. Well, that shotgun, but I did punts and, you know, extra points and field goals and and all that all that s**t as well. But, yeah, I was like, well, you know, I was a long snapper. I didn't know f**king I have no idea how you get in you know, being a long snapper is is like killing prostitutes. It's like, where did this begin? You know what I mean? You're getting stressed or you're bored? Yes. I was like, I don't know why I was a long snapper, but I was a long snapper. But the the problem with long snapping, when you do it as a specialty I know. It's it's fine. Yeah. I played both ways and long snap. So I never left. I never left the field. I didn't leave for punts. I I I didn't leave for Just all night Carolla. Just all night. Defense special teams. And I had, like, the big linebacker shoulder pads and the toilet seat and everything. And I'd get down between my legs in the game. I could barely see the punter behind me because the toilet seat, like, the big shoulder pads and stuff and the helmet and everything. Seventies pads. And by the end of the game, man, I was pretty gassed out. Yeah. Sweat all over it. Just wore my a*s. Uniform. Yeah. All the way. Night games, and our field wasn't that well lit. And I just remember looking through my legs at Pat Morrison, our punter, like, 15 yards back, and I'm, like, feeling, like, sweat on the ball and stuff going I don't know. And they didn't have the no can rule back then. What do you mean no can? No can. You are when you are standing with your feet super wide Yeah. And your heads between your legs I know. Yeah. You're vulnerable. Yes. You are. You're gonna get f**ked up. And they have a rule in the NFL now and in college and in high school, but but not the the the arena league didn't have it, I don't know, 20 years ago. But they take the biggest dude on the other team, and they put him heads up right on you. And then you f**king stand there, and you see this huge dude standing there. And then you go, now I'm putting my head between my legs. And you put your head between your legs, and this guy drives you. His job is to can you, to drive you into the ground. Yeah. Now what is he trying to do? Well, the first punt, he's gonna f**k you up. The second punt Mhmm. If you ever try to snap a long snap and get up and defend yourself real fast Yeah. That ball's skipping back to the punt. You you will f**k that snap up. If your number one job is to protect yourself and not hit the punter in the chest, you're gonna f**k that snap up. Yeah. And the guy who cans you knows it. Yeah. Another team knows it. Yeah. So they can you on the first one and then try to get you to protect yourself Yeah. On the second one. Yeah. And it never worked with me. I never f**ked up a snap. I never, our team sucked. What was your strat I figured you, like, go, like, kinda shoot a single leg. You know what I mean? And climb it up. I don't know. That would that would be my strategy, but I don't know how they do it in the NFL, really. I I don't notice it. And my guy, I never seen him work. They drive your the guy the the the the biggest they take the biggest dude on the other team. He stands right over you with your head's in your legs, and he drives you into the ground. And he just drives you in back first. Yeah. You don't get head first. He goes back. He's got the back of your head I know. Yeah. In the ground. I never f**ked up a snap. Never. Great. Never. Not one. Not extra points, field goals, punts, we Can or no can? We punted a lot. It's the only thing we we did, really, is punt, and I never f**ked up a punt. Oh, yeah. I never f**ked up a snap, but I got canned. But I didn't give a s**t. I I was like, my duty is to not f**k this snap up. Because all the yawning. They did not. They now have a rule. I'm looking at Joe. I'm sure there's no more canning. There's no canning in the NFL. There's no canning. When you say canning, are you saying, like, a you body flop or you double like, head and arm the guy to the ground? What are you saying can? Can? Can? I don't know. It was always called the no can rule. Yeah. Why? It was always called getting canned. Like, you land on your can. You land on your a*s. They they drill you on the ground and you go on to your a*s. So you're, like, folded over. Yeah. I see. Yeah. That's a nightmare. I'm sure there's been many a neck injury caused by Yeah. I would want, like, one of those, like, neck pad. Remember, in the eighties, they had the real tall neck thing that Mhmm. And I would just neck roll. I would just shoot a double leg or shoot a single leg as soon as I snap. Like, then I've been up safe. And he falls on top of me, but no big deal. You can't you got your head between your legs. Oh, I know. But as soon as I throw it, just to shoot it That guy's staring at the ball. As soon as that ball moves Yeah. Soon as that ball moves, he's coming. Yeah. So there is no shooting double legs on him that's trying to survive. Okay. In the NFL now, anybody within 1 yard of the line has to be outside of the long snapper's shoulder pads. Oh, so you have to run No one can line up over the snapper. Oh, wow. New new game. So this dude offers me the job snapping for an for his arena football team. Yeah. Okay. And I just go, I would do that, but do you have the no can rule? And he said, not an arena leak. And I said, well, no can do. But I would have done it. I was old. You know what I mean? But, you're already doing TV and whatnot. So you're like I was a celebrity. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So I didn't need that, but but I still would have done it just to say I did it. Funsies. Yeah. Just for fun. Yeah. And I got lucky. I mean, I was f**king around with the guy. I told him put the ball by his right. You know, I was like, what hand are you right? Where do you want the laces there? But I did put the laces there, and I did put the ball there. Yeah. And so he that's why he reacted the way he reacted. He still had it. Yeah. The shotgun was shotgun was pretty easy because shotgun, you keep your head up. You don't look on shotgun. Yep. Makes sense. Do on punts, and you do on on extra points, but you don't on shotgun. So shotgun, you keep your head up. You don't get canned. Don't get canned. Don't get canned. So you had the number one long snapper? I I coach him. Yeah. He's a he's a real good kid. Yeah. Jujitsu? Jujitsu. Yeah. Just How old is he? What, 22? Is he in the NFL? He's, I guess, he's transferring to a a bigger school and, you know, he's got I guess, to get offers now. I don't know. I The long snapper's a thing if you can hang around in the NFL for 15 years and get paid if that's your thing. Handsome guy. He looked good on camera. The long snapper It's a lost art. From San Diego dated Pam Anderson for a period of time. Sick. This kid's headed to the top. I'm not making that up, I don't think. Yeah. I was just look. Someone's gotta make the movie. Someone's gotta make the movie where the mob gets to the long snapper. Alright. One week before the Super Bowl, they kidnap the long snapper's daughter, and now they need David Ben. And now they need him to f**k up a couple of long snaps in the Super Bowl. Just cover the spread. You know what I'm saying? Wow. 1 what is one snap 1 punt snap over the punter's head that just that that just skates back toward the opposing end zone. Right? And one bad field goal, snap. Yeah. That is good for 10 points. I mean, that is a that's a big outcome. You can't prove it? There's no one who's gonna replace that guy? They don't have a second long snapper. By the way, he snaps it over the punter's head. They're not gonna pull him for the next step. You guarantee me 2 bads one bad. The punt the punt, I need you to drill it, and I need you to go over the guy's head, and I need that ball to skate back to the 5 yard line or whatever. Like, one bad punt, one bad field goal, and I'm betting on that that other team. Sir, you missed your calling. Uh-uh. Corrupt long slapper. I could've made millions. I could Well, in the movie, you know, the there's a movie version where his daughter's kidnapped and whatever that And the whole week of the Super Bowl, his daughter's kidnapped. And the week he should be preparing for the big game, he's actually hunting down the kid kidnappers. Snap. Snap, it's called. Yeah. And at some point, the kidnapper like, at some point Kids snapped. Kids snapped. At some point, the guy's got a knife and the daughters, whatever. And this and it's a standoff, and this guy bends down, picks up a rock, and goes between his, like, goes shotgun with a rock right in the head. Splat right in the head. The guy drops the knife. Yeah. There's a line. I'm pretty good with a shotgun. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Could watch that. I will watch that movie. Me too. Netflix original. Mhmm. Alright. So, there's that. I don't know what we're talking about. I'm also pretty good in the pistol. Oh, yeah. The pistol. The shotgun and the pistol. There's a difference. I'm not giving you a nickel or a dime. Oh, like dime package, nickel? Okay. I don't know. I don't know. It was maybe too deep. Alright. I had a thought. I was listening to Trump being sworn in the other day, and I was watching him do it. Supreme court judge Roberts, I think, f**ked it up. He didn't wait for his family to show up. Why? He he started right into it, and you could see his you see Trump's family who was supposed to be gathered had to, like, kinda hustle into the frame. But I was list listening to it on the radio, and I was thinking to myself, if Joe Biden had stayed in the race and if Joe Biden had won, like he says he could've, do you think Joe Biden could've got through the swearing without muffing it, like, with without a stumble. Like like, let's put it to you this way. If you were doing VO work, could he have got through it without the engineer going, yeah. Let's try another one. Let's let's give it another take. I I let's just listen. Just listen and kinda close your eyes and listen and then picture Biden. I don't know that he could've got through it, but here we go. Please raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, Donald John Trump, do solemnly swear I, Donald John Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States The office of president of the United States and will, to the best of my ability to the best of of president of the United States. And will, to the best of my ability and will, to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States the constitution of the United States so help me god. So help me god. Congratulations, mister I don't think I don't think Biden coulda got through it clean. Preserve, protect, and defend will be very f**ked up. That'd be f**ked up. That's what the smart man is. Protect and hey. Hey. Hey, man. But then true story. But then he realized we were on the brink of swearing in a guy who couldn't get through the swearing ceremony to run the country. Mhmm. That's that's that's what that's what the plan was. I thought you were supposed to put your hand on the Bible. This guy was just standing there with it. I think this guy Roberts f**ked it up 2 times. He f**ked it up another time too. We have brought the wrong Bible or something. You see the family try to hustle up? Yeah. That was weird. Rolled right in. The whole thing was straight. Yeah. And Trump was ready. He was just like kablammo. Let's do this. Get this out of the way. Got a 5:15 tee time. Can I say this too? They give the guy who's swearing you in a cheat cheat? He's looking down at a cheat sheet. Why is the guy who's being sworn in get his own cheat sheet? You know what I'm saying? Teleprompt them. Yeah. Alright. Take a quick break. Be right back. Are we doing some AI, Adam? How's that gonna work, Jeff? We're gonna ask AI questions. Yeah. And and on the break, we're gonna get a prompt from you in the hopes that it'll read it in your voice. Okay. We'll do that right after this. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in-depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in-depth, I'm talking about deep that's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. Homes.com. We've done your homework. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with MCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Hey. It's Adam Kroll from The Adam Kroll Show. Bet online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in game live betting. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to BetOnline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with BetOnline. BetOnline, the game starts here. It's time to check Adam's voice mail. Ace man, Abe from Texas. Wanted to have a rich man, poor man for you. Your Internet connection has a wired connection. Either you are on a secured server doing international trading, or you're at the public library because you can't afford Wi Fi. Get it on. You can leave us a message at 888 634-1744. Alright. We're getting that AI Adam thing worked out. It's gonna take a second. I have this to discuss. I sat down with, Billy Bush, did his show the other day. I found him quite likable. Don't really know him that well, but had a nice discussion with him. At some point, he was talking about basically having to check himself into a mental institution because, he got completely railroaded by the whole Trump access Hollywood thing. And I part of the the problem of the times we're living in, and I've talked to a lot of dingbat chicks about this, is and always I always hearken back. I have little snapshots. 1 of my ex wife's friends was yelling, just shut up, Matt Damon, once because he'd said Harvey Weinstein and Al Franken, they didn't do things that were the same to women. And she started yelling, just shut up, Al Frank. Just shut up, Matt Damon, who said it? And I was like, oh, okay. We've jumped the shark here. Like, something's wrong with our society. You Harvey Weinstein's a serial rapist. Al Franken's a gentle Jew joker, and somebody pointed that out, and you want that person to shut up, which is weird. Yeah. I said a 1000000 times when, Trump by the way, they, you know, he's he's he's bragging about molesting women. Alright. f**k. Anyway, well, they just lie about Trump. They said f**k he didn't he's basically saying it's a if you saying, where are you from where where are you from in Florida, Mayhem? North Carolina. I mean, North Carolina. Who lived in Florida? Nobody. Nobody? My cousins. Didn't your dad didn't your family from Florida? I mean, I know. I'm sure you do. I'm a little What town are you from from North Carolina? Fayetteville. Fayetteville. Okay. It's if you said to me, I'm so popular in Fayetteville, I could shoot somebody in the street and never go to prison, and then I went, mayhem shoots people in Fayetteville. Oh, no. Mayhem shoots people. That that's basically Trump that's Trump talking about pussy grabbing. But here's the whole point. It it's all bulls**t. Whatever. Okay. Why did Billy Bush get railroaded? I I think it was Billy Bush. He just sat there listening. He just was in the bus with the guy. Laughed uncomfortably. Also, sorry humanity and ladies of The View. If some guy makes some off color joke to me, locker room talk, lady talk, race talk, I'll give him a fake laugh Yeah. And, then we'll go our separate ways. I'm not gonna f**king coach him up. You're not gonna coach up Donald Trump Yeah. In a in a luxury bus. Well, you shouldn't do that. And, also, you're yeah. Also, you have to interview the guy. So do you really wanna get into this? Well, now, Donald, I have a daughter, and I do not appreciate the way you speak, hypothetically. If women she's just it's so I don't get what happened to what happened to Billy Bush. Why did he have to f**king go? He's a martyr. Trump goes on and becomes the president. Yeah. Billy Bush gets thrown off the air and exiled. He's sitting around 3 years later going, I haven't worked. I'm having a mental breakdown, and I still don't even know what I did. It is a strange thing. It happens in society. Yeah. Donald Trump just rolling over guys on accident. Like, it's ruining your life just because I was it's crazy. In the area when I said some crazy stuff. Okay. The other thing, I'm looking at my list that I forgot that I hand I don't think I got to, Joe, but, I don't know if we played or not. But remember my endangered species when, theory? Did we get into that? We pulled a tape. Dawson, you pull a clip off of me and Drew. It's basically we take I know. You're giving a look, but it'll it'll come around. It was the Karen Bass presser. Wasn't a presser, but she answered someone a certain way. It was the, I like to get my hair done in Chicago, and it was the Tony Tony Tony concert. That was the mayor of Oakland. No mayor of San Francisco London breed. Sorry. That was London breed. And then that. And then the other thing we pulled was the, god, what's her name from Chicago during COVID? Lori Lightford. Lori Lightford would like to get her hair done, so f**k off. You know what I mean? So I was in the process, and then we have Karen Bass in her no clip. I think that one's up. So I was in the process of yelling at doctor Drew a theory which I've had for a long time, which is borne out, and I've yelled about it on this show as the Karen Bass clip was happening, which is when you take people okay. Oh, and it it just it happened, basically. The reason the lady who was the president of Harvard, the black lady who was the president of Harvard no longer has her job is because some white b***h tried to f**king bullied her bully her in front of congress, and she's like, f**k you. No. I'm not gonna say what you want me to say, which was condemning violence on campus or whatever against Jews or whatever. She wouldn't do it. She wouldn't do it not because she was okay. A bunch of stuff. First off, you take these women and you elevate them into positions they didn't earn. You make them. And it's like, hey, b***h. You run Harvard now. And it's like, why? Because we need a black woman to run Harvard, and you're a black woman. Or Kamala Harris or, we'll make you the mayor of I mean, we're not making. We'll vote you in to be the mayor of of San Francisco or LA or Chicago, but it'll be understood that you're there because you're a black woman. And that's it. Essentially. It's an optics thing. We like it. We like this thing. Then you get into that position, and you feel like you're an apex predator. Yeah. Like I've said all the time. All the other animals sleep in trees, but not lions. They sleep Yeah. Right in the middle of the serendipity. Yeah. They just sprawl out. Mhmm. They go to bed because they don't give a s**t Yeah. Because they're Apex. They're top. Right? Yeah. Now I've my theory is and always was Gavin Newsom's governor. Gavin Newsom gets busted going to the French Laundry with 35 of his closest friends after he's locked everyone else in their f**king house. Right? Mhmm. He gets popped. He has to f**king apologize. He has to go up and eat s**t. He has to talk about, you know, in hindsight, I wouldn't have done it again, offer some excuse. He goes, there's more people there than I thought, but I have to practice what I preach. He has to go eat s**t because he's a heterosexual white dude. He's gotta he's gotta go be remorseful. Oh, I see where you're going. When you asked Lori Lightfoot, black lesbian, hey, you've locked everyone in their house and you're not letting anyone go out and get haircuts, but you got a haircut. Why is that okay? She goes, because I wanted a haircut, b***h. Okay. What are you gonna do? Fire me? Yeah. The The higher the Lorie Lightfoot 1 is good. And then when you ask London Breed, black woman, mayor of San Francisco, why she was out partying with Tony, Tony, Tony when everyone else has to wear masks and stay indoors, she gave a f**k off answer too. And as I was screaming about that with doctor Drew, I walked out of the studio, and somebody asked, oh god, Karen Bass if she regretted going to Ghana. And we'll see her answer as well. But we'll we'll I'll start. I look. People think this is a theory. I don't think it's a theory. Politicians, when they get busted doing stuff, have to go up and eat a dick. I mean, Gavin Newsom doesn't give a f**k about you or the French Laundry or going out to the French Laundry. He's not scared of COVID. He doesn't give a f**k, but he still realizes optics. That was bad. I got caught. Now I gotta go up and give some find Gavin Newsom too with the French Laundry, and you'll just see him up there like, go ahead, white dude. Go ahead, heterosexual dude. f**king eat some c**k. Let's do this. Suck a dick. Get up there and apologize. Or get up there and pretend to apologize. Alright. Let's find, find Karen Ba*s. Find Lori Light. Find find we'll just find. Alright. She shuts down all the salons, but she goes to the salon. City. I'm on national media, and I'm out in the public eye. And, you know, I'm a I'm I'm a person who I take my personal hygiene very seriously. Care. As I said, I felt like I needed to, have a haircut. I'm not able to do that myself. Her apology is is I care about my s**t. I do like your wife, like every f**king woman you've ever met. I didn't know that was the lady with the haircut because I couldn't do that haircut with no wall. I could I could hit I could I could line her up. Alright. So she gets busted getting a haircut, and her apology is I like to get haircuts. So f**k off. And here's here's the London Breed after she gets busted with the Tony Tony Tony concert. I was sitting at my table, and when I don't know about you and whether or not you know who Rafael Sadik and Dwayne Wiggins are. Yeah, man. But I don't know about you, but if you know who they are, I don't care where you're sitting. You're gonna get up and start dancing. My drink was sitting at the table. I got up and started dancing because I was feeling the spirit, and I wasn't thinking about a mask. I was thinking about having a good time, and in the process, I was following the health orders. No. She's Oh, Byron, you edited this, by the way. You did we did work on this a week ago. I don't know where what happened to it, but we have it now. Now we have it. Yeah. But that was supposed to be edited. Alright. So alright. Well, now I'm just gonna say what I already said if we're doing this. Because I didn't think we I knew we had the tape, but I don't know why Byron didn't know we had the or or we didn't know we had the tape. Do we know? I I understand. I I know. Oh, Byron, there's a now that version, did you edit that one or you haven't edited one, Byron? Yeah. It was on your screen. I the mashup was there. Oh, that's the one you edited? It's not the way we no. You you mentioned Apex Predator Politicians, so that's what I called it. My my bad. I'm sorry. No. No. I'm not I'm confused. I don't know. We had these things edited. Right? But did that one that we just saw, was that one you just pulled up, or is it one Byron edited? What we just saw were the existing videos that we had pulled up individually and had prepared for when you call for Lori Lightfoot haircut, London Breed, Tony Tony Tony. Oh, so we did have all that stuff. We have those videos. I believe we have the Karen Bass as well. Alright. I just wanted everyone seemed confused 10 minutes ago. I don't know what you were talking about with Karen Ba*s. Oh, okay. But Joe told me to do also, Byron edited that video. He did some anyway, I'll talk to you off there about it. Alright. So here's, but now what do alright. Well, let's just show me. Who gives a f**k? Here we go. If you can tell Apex Predators by where they sleep. They don't they don't look for tree branches, and they don't so this is stuff I didn't think we've had ready. That's why. About. Mhmm. You know what I mean? Yep. And so Alright. Wait. I already said this. So we're good. But I was saying this on Drew's show with Drew, and then I went to I left the studio, and that's when Karen Bass got asked, is she sorry she went to Ghana before the fires? Looking back, would you have taken that trip overseas? You know, I am gonna focus today But please on what we no. Can I ask you one question about? So she got prodded and just went, no. f**k off. Which is why the chick from Harvard is fired because she just went f**k off. You know, she said many years ago that if she was elected mayor, that she wouldn't leave. Yeah. Yeah. And and then she did. Alright. Find me Gavin. Now let's contrast the Apex predators. Now, by the way, it is a thing where these women have not been confronted. They they they live in such a gravity free environment with a press that props them up and hails them as queens all the time that the second someone starts asking a real question, they get pissed real fast. I'm formulating a theory that's kinda like force. Newsom and, and To me, it's more that French Laundry. Sorry. Go ahead. No. To me, it's more that, us as humans are used to living in small groups. Mhmm. And this guy represents the you know, like, you say, the dad kind of figure of a guy who's like you know what I mean? That's why the the girl's so angry at this and can get this going. Mhmm. And we all think of the black ladies as, well, they're historically downtrodden. We, like we meet we give them a pass for doing crazy stuff. But have you ever there's an interesting phenomenon that I've always studied, and it started when I was playing in the, dodger celebrity baseball game when I told a guy who I thought was, like, a low level 3rd base coach in the the Mud Hen League or something, I told the guy to f**k off, and the guy turned out to be one of the most powerful agents in Hollywood's history. Okay? Yeah. And when I told this dude to go f**k himself, and I told him I was gonna beat him up, he turned and looked at me like he hasn't been told to f**k off in 35 years. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't know what to do with it. I know. And he went into a thing. And I realized, as a as a dude like you or as a dude like me or when you're not protected by your skin color or your race Yeah. Or your gender or your sexual proclivities, you have to you get told f**k off a lot. You have to eat dick. You become hardened. You have to be eat dick. Yeah. These women get f**ked because they've been pushed to the front line, and no one's told them to f**k off in a long time. And they just go, I don't Yeah. Like, someone needs to tell them, look. You're doing a press conference. You got busted. Now f**king go up there and apologize. Yeah. And they don't go f**k you. Wow. The you know what the greatest one? Alright. We'll play we'll play Newsom. Now here's what Newsom's gotta do when he gets busted. I made a bad mistake. Instead of sitting down, I should have stood up and walked back, got in my car, and drove back, to my house. Instead, I chose to sit there with my wife, and a number of other couples that were outside the household. And you can quibble about the guidelines, etcetera, etcetera, but the spirit of what I'm preaching all the time, was contradicted. And I gotta own that. And so I wanna apologize to you, because Right. I know That's not Rafael Sadik and Cedric Lamar hadn't been at the same club, he just f**king ate a dick because you have to. He's worming around. Yeah. And she's Karen Bass Yeah. Is getting pushed on you're in Ghana. Are you sad? This guy, I wanna heal the guy. Are you sad? No. She just bows back with a smile right now. Because she's not used to getting prodded Yeah. Because she sailed through. Yeah. She's a protected species. She's an apex predator. She f**king sleeps in the middle of the Serengeti. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You're right, That's right. Whitey, you better apologize, son. Get to apologizing. Alright. Now we have AI, Adam. We have an intro. We all know that AI is artificial, but is it intelligent like the ace man? Let's find out with AI ace. Alright. So how's this game go, Joe? Alright. So here's what happened. We got a message on our Substack from one of our Substack subscribers, Chris Druff. And he said he needed advice from Adam Carolla from Loveline about his about cutting off an ex girlfriend who cheated on him. So he turned to AI, and he put in AI, have Adam Carolla tell me to to quit messing with my cheating ex girlfriend, and he got a response. Mhmm. And he wanted to know how that would compare with your response. And then what we did, we were inspired by this. We found an AI model. We put in a ton of Adam Carolla and and built an intelligence system that mimics Adam. And now I've got 5 different topics Alright. That that Adam weighed in on. Okay. You can weigh in on the girlfriend or any one of these topics or anything you wanna do. Look. The thing about the cheating girlfriend is if you can't get over it, then you gotta leave immediately. If it's just gonna bug if it's gonna bug you. You know, there's guys have certain things where, like, maybe this chick slept with your best friend before you started dating her, and you just can't get it out of your bean. You know? Or she cheated or whatever this digression is. If you won't let it go and then you're constantly gonna sorta you know, people have a thing. You ever have, like, a sore tooth and you flick it with your tongue all f**king day? Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, why am I doing this? Why am I flicking my sore tooth? Why every time I flick of my tongue, it hurts, but I just do it. And then that's a dude wiring. Yeah. And if that's your wiring and you ain't getting over it, then you just leave tomorrow. That's it. Because it's not fair to her, and it ain't fair to you either. Yeah. Alright. Oh, wait. Do we have his answer? Yeah. How's the Yeah. We do. Up. We are building a model of your voice. But in the meantime, we have the closest we can find, which is evil jack man as your answers. Here you go. Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. Alright. Listen up, pal. This is Adam Carolla, and I'm gonna give it to you straight because nobody else will. Alright. Pause it. It's it's already too much stall talk for me. I don't I'm not it's dumb people, professional wrestlers, and politicians go, alright. You want an answer? I'll give you the answer. A lot of people aren't prepared for that. It's like, stop f**king stalling. That's what Kamala Harris does. Like, just f**king start spitting out answers. Stop stalling with double talk. So it's already this is bad because I'm not a stoller. Alright. f**king to your ex girlfriend, the one who cheated on you. What are you some kind of masochist? You think by keeping her in your life, you're gonna win her back or prove something? Newsflash. You're just proving you're a doormat. I've never said newsflash in my life. She cheated. That's the ultimate betrayal. You're worth more than being someone's backup plan or emotional punching bag. Get some self respect, block her number, delete her from social media, and move on. There's a whole world out there with people who won't screw you over. So do yourself a favor. Stop the chitchat with the cheater. Focus on you because at the end of the day, you're the only one you can count on. Now go out there. Go out there and do something. Alright. AI Adam left us at the end of the day. Alright. I'm ready for more. If Byron's on a call, you should probably tell him to do it in another room or something, perhaps. So I mean Adam hot mic is what I'm saying. Real Adam. Yeah. What's your thoughts on fake boobs? Not a fan. I I I understand sometimes necessary, but, not not a fan. I think when there were novelty, it was kinda interesting, you know, back in the day. But as, as I mature, I, I drift closer to the natural boob. I'm a fan of the natural boob. It's always kinda weird too when people get the fake boob and then show them off. Like, Lauren Sanchez, Bezos's squeeze, has big fake titties and is always shoving them out there. And it's just a weird thing. Like, if they're real tits and you wanna shove them out there, so be it. But if they're fake tits, you just bought those tits, and now you push them out there. So I have an average sized dork. Right? But I would be a very obnoxious person if I got a fake dick added on to my dick. Like, if I just went, oh, let's enhance my dick. I got 6 and a half inches on a good day, but let's make it 13, and let's girth it up a little bit. And then I start walking around in banana hammock. This way, hey. I'm shoving my f**king big fake c**k everywhere. And then you'd go, that's you just had silicone injected into your c**k, and now you're pushing. Yeah. I like to wear Daisy Dukes. You know me. And you're like, Adam, the sweatpants are like 4 sizes too small. Hey. See the package? Look at the package. Oh, the inauguration's coming up? Oh, we're going to the inaugurate? Oh, let me get my dick. Shove my f**king you know what? I'm just gonna show up in cycling shorts, and I'm gonna pull my dick up against my stomach. And then we're gonna pull my shorts up real high so that you can see the outline of my c**k. Like, you'd go you're the most obnoxious worst person in the world if that was you as a dude. Why is Lauren Sanchez get a pass? Why do the fake titty chicks get a pass? And no wonder all the other women hate the fake titty chicks. We would fake we would hate the fake dick guys. You know what I mean? I already do. They already do. Lauren Sanchez is wearing a lacy bra underneath a blazer at the Trump inauguration. She can't not show there is no circumstance that she can't show her fake tits off. Yeah. Too weird. Right? We have the technology. Okay. Alright. AI Adam, what do you think of fake boobs? Fake boobs are like Tesla's. Some people love them. Some think they're a symbol of everything wrong with society. Look. I'm not against fake boobs. You want to upgrade the hardware. Fine. But don't act like they're not fake. Own it. Call them what they are, factory installed options. They've been around so long now. They're practically vintage like rotary phones, but way more distracting. You're you're like a hacky fawns, man. Bad eighties DJ. That's not me. I know. I'm this close to dropping troug, dude. I miss all that rotary phone humor. Yeah. f**king AI sucks. It's worthless. I'm happy. We put a lot of you into this AI to build this thing. Wow. They really hacked you up, bud. I but it it's using phrases I've never used. Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. It's just weird. Right? It's more like a video. Going off of me. So where's it getting phrases I don't use? You wanna give us real Adam's thoughts on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle? Worthless sacks of space, but it's our fault for elevating them to like, oh, yeah. Let's give, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, a $100,000,000 to do a podcast. Like, who cares what these 2 f**king bird brains have? They have no I have what what does Meghan Markle know that I need to know? She doesn't know anything. They're f**king obnoxious, and they're idiots. And it's our fault because we do this thing where they go, oh, the prince and Meghan Markle are speaking. 1st off, I hate all the race hustlers. She is a race hustler. She presents as an attractive white lady. So all the s**t that she talks about when she talks about discrimination all the time would be fine except for no one thinks of her as a black woman. So where's the cause of discrimination? I don't get how it works. If you don't if we don't we can't tell you're black, then where does the discrimination come in? Yeah. So she's a f**king whiner. She's a race hustler. He's a f**king hen pecked pussy, and I've not heard one thought. Like, I've never went did you hear what Meghan Markle's you know what her take on Israel is? Like, she has no f**king thoughts. Not their fault. They're just dumb people. It's our fault for worshiping at the altar of idiots who have nothing to say. That's it. But, look, the queen of I don't have anything to say is Oprah, and now she's gonna sit down and have an interview with the 2 people that have nothing to say. So the queen of nothing to say is gonna sit down with with the duke and duchess of f**king nothing to say. The only thing I'm happy about is we can turn the page on this chapter of our society. We we now go f**k these 2 idiots and f**k Oprah. She doesn't have anything to say. We're gonna listen to interesting people who do podcasts or on the Internet or interesting voices. We wanna hear what real people have to say. Alright. Sorry. AI Adam is learning in real time. Mhmm. Ah, the royal couple who quit their jobs and moved to LA to lecture us on privacy while signing Netflix deals and releasing memoirs. Harry's out here spilling all the royalty, and Meghan's looking at him like we still got bills to pay, buddy. Look. I don't care what castle you came from. If you're living in California and doing Oprah interviews, you're just another influencer with a better accent. Hold on. His AI is trash. This guy you know his voice that these guys are doing? The Fonz, I thought. No. I'm gonna give Dawson a shot at this one. Whose voice is this? If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face. Oh. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. This is Billy Vera. Oh, s**t. Yeah. This is AM good stuff. Good stuff. Yeah. That's who this guy is. He's the AM PM voice. Billy and the beaters? What was Billy's band? Billy Billy Vera had hits. Yeah. And he then it became the voice of AM PM. He came on this show. He just started talking, and I was like, I know that voice. And he's like Sarah and the beaters. Yeah. That's what I said. Right? Suddenly wanna beat you out in here. I go yeah. I go, I yeah. I was craving I was craving a hot dog with cheese in it. You know? And and I was like in the middle of the interview, I was like, are you the voice of AMPM? It's like, too much good stuff. I was like, oh, that's you. That is Billy Vera. We have him somewhere saying something, but that's what Ace Award. That's what this f**king guy sounds. He's doing Billy Vera as the AM, PM guy. He's not doing Adam Carolla. He might have won best impression as Billy Vera as Billy Vera. Oh, really? Well, try to find a clip of that somewhere. I have all those at home. Some well, there's something on the Internet somewhere, Billy. There's gotta be AMPM. Oh, there's Billy Vera all over the place. Yeah. We can find that. Yeah. Alright. Anyway, that's who this guy is. Sorry. Go ahead. You you wanna do one more? Yeah. Regular Adam, what's your thoughts on the Kansas City Chiefs and their recent string of controversial calls by referees? When teams are dynasties, it is 3 there's 3 elements to becoming a dynasty. You have to have the quarterback. You have to have the coach. You have to have the the personnel, and you have to you have to win, but you have to have a dusting of juju, of, like, luck, of, like, weirdness. Like, when you go back and look at any dynasty, you take the Patriots. What happened? The tuck rule. I don't even know what the f**k I I've heard the tuck rule explained 200 times. I still don't know what the f**k it means. No one knows what it means. Like, quarterback's got the ball. He's gonna pass, but he decided not to pa*s. So he starts to bring the ball in, and then he gets stripped. Okay. That's called fumbling. It's I I I know it happens 8 times a weekend where the quarterback's back and he's like, if you throw the ball forward and the guy hits your arm as a forward motion, forward pass, fine. Or if you get stripped, it's getting stripped. So the whole reason the patriots exist is on some weird f**king rule that I've been watching the NFL for 40 years. I've never heard. It never been implemented. It it he got stripped. The game's over. There's that. There's weird little things like when they then went to the Super Bowl and they beat the Rams and they're on that final drive, The the the guy caught on a flare pass or whatever. He got, like, tackled in bounds clearly, but the ref said he was out of bounds, and they stopped the clock to help the drive or whatever. There's all these weird little things. Nobody just f**king dominates outright. Weird little things that happen. And and when you are a dynasty, those weird little intangible things start happening in your favor. Mhmm. At some point, you stop being a dynasty, and they stop. So KC is the dynasty, and the dynasties get the weird bounces of the balls and the calls of the ref and the weird little things that happen that don't happen for other teams when there when there are. That's what you're witnessing with the Kansas City Chiefs right now. Alright. Now a item? Look. I'm not saying the refs are in on some grand conspiracy, but when the Chiefs are getting every call, it feels like we're watching WWE with helmets. I mean, Mahomes gets sneezed on, and it's a flag. Meanwhile, some poor bastard on the other team gets hit so hard he's coughing up his ancestors, and it's play on. Ref's gotta learn. We're not here to watch them call games. We're here for football, not a flag parade. It's getting smarter. I I'll give you that. It's getting smarter. Tomato. Right? Oh, you mean ketchup ball? Right. Try our tasty new sub salads and more at AMPM. Too much good stuff. I want this job. That's who this guy's doing. Too much good stuff. He's doing Billy Veras, not doing Adam Carolla. He sounds that's what he sounds like Billy Vera. Why is he doing Billy Vera and not me? AI. Intelligence undetermined. AI a. I feel like my job's safe. My job is safe. Definitely. Alright. You got some news you wanna roll into? We got some news. You wanna jump right into it, or should we take alright. No break today. Go right into it. Man, look. I know they pulled this up. Trump slams a sermon asking him to show mercy towards LGBTQ people Yeah. And immigrants. That's on them. Like, you could see that dyke coming a mile away. Why why is she Yeah. How do they Presiding over this. Know exactly why they did this. The National Prayer Service was one of several events presidents attend, around being sworn in. So maybe it's outside of them. I I don't know. I thought that it was his party. He would curate the entire party, but Dawson has the clip. She's just I sent it to Byron. He's not here right now. Oh, where's Byron at? I don't know. That's why we lost our man. Man down. Oh, okay. Well, where is Byron? Is he somewhere? Oh, okay. Alright. Well, keep going, and we'll when Byron comes back to play. I'll just yeah. Following a traditional inaugural prayer service at Washington National Cathedral on Tuesday, and during a during which an Episcopal bishop called on president Donald Trump to show mercy towards the people, LGBTQ people and immigrants. Oh, no. Here we go. Now we have it. In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared. They're scared. There are gay, demographic, republican, and independent families. Uh-huh. Some who fear for their loss. Alright. Stop it. Well, that's on there. It's 2025. Get the f**k over it. No one gives a f**k about you. Stop with the narcissistic fear. And, by the way, what exactly are they talking about? You know? And, like, you're a lesbian, and you're 19, or you're a lesbian, and you're 14. Like, I don't know. Really? 2025. They think they're gonna round them up in camps? I don't understand. I don't know what Trump having okay. Okay. We we just had Biden for 4 years talk about what he's gonna do for black people, but he didn't do anything. But are they still scared, or they something gonna get done? Or what what's gonna go on with the LGBT and the trans community? And then what's Trump doing? And just shut the f**k up and get the f**k on. This, by the way, it's it's all this talk is why we don't have fire prevention. Just talk, talk, talk, talk about, you know, the sitting down and a seat at the table. It's just it's all the extra talk I've been f**king talking about for a 1000000 years. Nothing ever happens. Nothing ever changes. There is no plan. Donald Trump doesn't give a f**k if you wanna dyke out with your girlfriend or less off. Go ahead and do what you want. He doesn't give a f**k. That's it. Okay. But everyone has the grandson. It's all narcissism is what it is. Now I have no idea how this chick wasn't vetted, but, here we go, everyone. And now all the heroes who oppose Trump are gonna step up. It's gonna be awesome. Alright. What else you got, Mayhem? Yeah. Yeah. Let me just get this Trump out of the way. The Trump administration shuts down the White House Spanish language page and social media. The funny part about this is that that that gives a four zero four message, but it included a go home button. Mhmm. That just said They're leaning into it. Home. Yeah. Kind of, rude, but, you know, in a page feed if you click that, it was a page featuring a a montage of Trump at his first arm and on the campaign trail, but the button was later updated to read go to home page. Oh, I see. Yeah. I see. I think there was a little troll right there. But, yeah, they took down the social media that's in Spanish. The, at La Clasa, La Casablanca, the government page on reproductive freedom freedom were also disbanded. So they're basically, you know, completely taking the Spanish language off anything White House related. Well, here's the thing. Like so I've been in it it the Spanish languaging is a perfect example of these do gooders who f**k everyone up. When I was here when there's a big debate about English as a second language, and we need Spanish speaking teachers, and these people need to be taught in the language that they know. My thing is get the 8 year olds, hit them hard with English so they speak good English by the time they graduate so they can get a f**king job. Your world and your kind world, you speak to them in Spanish. They speak to you in Spanish, and they never learn proper English and thus have jobs where they're gardeners and day laborers because they can't be lawyers and doctors because they don't have they haven't mastered the language. So who really cares about the kids more? Yeah. The the nice person who's learning who's teaching them in their own language or the a*****e white guy who's me who wants them to learn English so that they don't have to be your f**king gardener when they graduate. They could be your lawyer. Seems like it'll be a healthier nation to have everybody on the same page linguistically. It would be nice. Yeah. Yeah. But they don't do that because they have to they have to kowtow to those people because they want their votes. But once they start losing that vote, which they're losing, I wonder if they're gonna start turning on them. Exactly. Kinda have. It is kinda funny. It's funny when the ethnics you know, like, when people get mad at a black guy that voted for Trump and stuff. Like, come on, dude. You're black. What are you freaking doing? And what is going on with the Hispanic people? What are you doing? It's like, I don't know. Voting for someone other than your s**tty candidate. How about that? Well, speaking of, Tracy Morgan says he felt culturally isolated Oh. At SNL for his first three years. He calls it the whitest show in America. Yeah. He mentioned that, you know, I wanted to show them my world, how funny it was speaking of, like, black culture. But the 1st 3 years, I felt like I was being culturally isolated sometimes. I'm coming from a world of blacks. I'm an inner city kid. To be on the whitest show in America, I felt by myself. I felt like they weren't getting it. I mean, look. There's reference points. You know what I mean? Like, I'm old, and if I ever try to make music reference points with people, nobody knows the f**k I'm talking about ever. So and, you know, I reference some sitcom that nobody's talked about. You know? And I I get there's cultures and there's reference points. You know? And and in a in a way, it's like trying to do comedy in Europe or in a different place, you know, where you can't go out. I couldn't I guess, I could go to England, do some Gavin Newsom as a r****d jokes, but I it's not gonna land like it would land in Orange County. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, yeah, there there is that. But I I I and it maybe it's a black thing, but it's more of a kinda where you what you ate. You know, like, I don't know anything about really, like, Cubans, you know, and Cubans from Miami or talk about the sandwiches and plantains and stuff like that. I'm like, I get it, but I it's not I I Yeah. It wouldn't be good I'm not a good audience for for Cuban comedy. Yeah. If you think about it, he was on during that a certain time, from 96 to 2003. He you know? So there's a it's a different time in American history, a different time in the culture of Saturday Night Live. You know what I mean? The Yeah. How they've Keenan's been on for the past 20 years, and there's a more, like, inclusive sort of Well, I mean past Well, look back then, it was very, very white. Eddie Murphy predated Tracy For sure. And was a star and seemed to seemed to get along okay. But, anyway, I listen. I I like Tracy, but I I don't know. I'm I'm all for just giving I would like a moratorium on race talk. Yeah. Let's just, not talk about it for the next 4 years. See how it works. Unless you have a Apex Predator theory like mine. Yeah. Then that's fine. That's acceptable. Alright. Look. Some more celebrity news. Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg revealed that they sneak off to have sex in public. Yeah. I don't know. For me, this is, like, a little sketchy to get a sex crime for that. Like, it could be on a registry forever even if you are Jenny McCarthy. Oh, really? Donnie Wahlberg. I mean, I don't know. He loves him. Her so much. Yeah. I get it. I get part of it. I get I get the 1st 6 months. I don't I don't get year 17. Like, I I like, he is so g*****n into her. Yeah. He loves the old lady. I think it's, pretty beautiful. It's good except for in comparison. You like that. You know what I'm saying? What do you mean in comparison? Jeez. You know, you ever get in those you'd be in relationships, and you turn on entertainment tonight. And, what did what did, Donnie Wahlberg do for Jenny McCarthy for Valentine's Day? And she's like, I rented out a barge. I put 200,000,000 long stem roses on the barge. Your woman sitting next to you? Yeah. Yeah. I did. Staring. You got her f**king window tint. You got her window tint on her Vega for Valentine's Day. I rented a barge. I put 200,000,000 long stem roses on it. Then I got the Beach Boys to reunite, to come on the boat, to serenade. And your f**king woman just looks at you, and she goes, you would never ever do that for me. You'd never do that for me. You would never then I bought her a Prada purse that holds 4 people. It's so big. It's one off. And we flew on the Concorde to Paris, and they just you see her woman's getting pissed because she does the you would never do that Yeah. Thing for me. So that's why I don't like these jack offs because they're always doing this thing, and it's on TV, and it's agitating the other women. Do you see where I'm at? Took me to AM PM for our anniversary. He got me a hot dog that had chili in it. It. Alright, Mayhem. Mark, Dubowitz is, gonna join us. He's an attorney. He's a venture capitalist. He's an expert on all things in the Middle East. I'll do a 1 on 1 with him, or you can hang out. Whatever you want. What do you want? Yeah. I'll sit in. I'll sit in. I might gain some knowledge. Sit in. We'll take a quick break. Talk to Mark right after this. Well, you wanna start a business, your own business, a small business, and grow it this year. Let's do this, and now is the best time to start. Shopify is gonna help you. I started a business, and I use Shopify, and I'm glad I did. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand open for business and get your first sale. Get your store up and running. It's easy, and they've got thousands of customizable templates that can help you with all the details like shipping, taxes, payments from one single dashboard, allowing you to focus on the important stuff like growing your business. Because you wanna be freed up to grow your business, not burdened with a nickel and dime stuff. Let Shopify help you with that. With Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think. It's Shopify. Right, Dawson? Established in 2025 has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/Carolla, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com/Carolla to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com/Carolla. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Oh. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in-depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in-depth, I'm talking about deep that's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. Homes.com. We've done your homework. In the spirit of Murrow, Jennings, Cronkite, here's another great moment in local news. If you looked out your window and thought, well, it looks a little cold, but I wish I had a reporter freezing on my TV in front of me, it's your lucky day. The good news is that the snow has kinda let down for a lot of it. The bad news is that everything else, still sucks. That's a great moment in local news. Now back to the Adam Carolla show. Mark Dubowitz is joining us. He's an expert, Middle Eastern Affairs as well as an attorney and a former venture capitalist. And, also, I'm curious. Like, I I I don't know anything about Iran other than they're horrible, and that's all I all I hear, but I also don't want them to get a nuclear device because that sounds like a bad sounds like bad for everybody. But what do we need to know about Iran that we that sort of the average person doesn't? So, Adam, first of all, thanks so much for having me on. And I think with Iran, one needs to first distinguish between the country of Iran and Iranian people and the regime in Iran. I mean, this is a brutal, repressive, aggressive regime that's been in power since 1979. And and what I think people need to know is that the majority of Iranians despise this regime. They've been on the streets calling for death to the dictator, calling for the end of the regime, certainly since 2009, and and millions of Iranians have turned out in 2,009, 2017. Every year since then, 2,022, 23, Iranian women run the streets, you know, ripping off their hijab and saying, end this gender apartheid. So I think important for your your listeners to understand that, it's really the regime that is anti American, anti Israel, and is trying to build a nuclear weapon, and it's the majority of Iranians that really are looking for American support to bring down this regime. So I have theories that are based on sort of in psychology more than they're based in, you know, Middle Eastern policy, but, these guys are bullies, and they really only understand guys who ball up their fist and punch them in the face. I I I I that's the whole notion of trying to cut deals and be friendly, and it's a it's a sort of diplomacy where we go, look. We're creating terrorists. We have to understand them and be more inclusive in culture, whatever. I think they just look at that as weak, and I think when Biden comes around or even Obama comes around, certainly, Hillary Clinton or something like that, they just go weak. I think they respond to crazy and and strong, and that's why I kinda like Trump in these situations because I feel like they're scared of him because he's erratic and they're not sure exactly what he's gonna do, and it keeps them off guard. But I don't know. You you tell me. What's your take? Adam, I totally agree with you. I mean, we have some history and evidence to to demonstrate that. I mean, president Obama in his first term was sort of dragged kicking and screaming to impose, maximum sanctions on Iran by the congress, which overwhelmingly Democrats and Republicans got together to force the Trump the Obama administration to really bring the regime in Iran to its knees. And then Obama went to negotiate with the Iranians, and they, ran circles around these negotiators. And he did this 2015 nuclear deal, which gave Iran really patient pathways to nuclear weapons because all the restrictions would would disappear with sunset within about a decade. And then, president Trump came in, and he imposed what he called maximum pressure. And he put on, a whole slew of sanctions that really brought the Iranian economy to its knees. And then he did something unprecedented. He killed this guy, Qasem Soleimani, who is this, the world's most dangerous terrorist no one had ever heard of at the time, who was the head of the Islamic revolutionary guard corps, Quds Force, who was responsible for for killing and maiming thousands of Americans, not to mention 100 of thousands of Middle Easterners. And president Bush was unwilling to to go after him. Certainly, president Obama was unwilling to go after him. And Trump ordered joint special operations command to kill him based on intelligence, really exquisite intelligence provided by the Israeli Mossad. And what's interesting is for 11 months after that, the Iranians were terrified. And in fact, they stopped expanding their nuclear program. And it's only when Biden came in and he said, you know what? No maximum pressure, no military force. I wanna negotiate with the Iranians and go back to the Obama deal that the Iranians began to massively expand their nuclear program. And that's where we are today. After 4 years of, I think, Biden appeasement with respect to Iran, they now have a massive nuclear weapons program, and they're turn of the screw from turning that program into a weapon. And so now this is what Trump is inheriting, and I'm hoping that he goes back to the old Trump, which really shows serious pressure and US leverage and the credible threat of US military force because that's the only way he's ever gonna get a deal that defangs Iran's nuclear weapons program. What's in it for Biden and Obama and and others to play ball with Iran? I I don't I never get what their what would their argument be if they were saying, okay. I've I've heard what you had to say, Mark, but you have to understand. Here's what we're dealing with. Yeah. I mean, I certainly had these debates with Obama administration officials, Biden administration officials. By the way, they were many of them were the same officials. And, their whole theory of the case is that if you escalate against the regime in Iran, the response will be more escalation. So we need to we need to deescalate. We need to find an off ramp. We need to find confidence building measures. We need to engage the Iranians in diplomacy, and then we can persuade them through our diplomatic, aptitude that we can actually come up with a deal that constrains their nuclear advances. And by the way, you know, those Israelis well, wow. Those Israelis are escalating against Iran, escalating against Hezbollah and Hamas, and that escalation is only gonna lead to more escalation. Well, it turned out that that wasn't the case. Right? I mean, these really showed president Biden that he was just flat out wrong, that the Israelis ignored his advice, and they went after Hezbollah. And and, Adam, you followed this, I'm sure, with the, the pagers and and the walkie talkies and then killing the the head of Hezbollah, Hassan Nasralla, taking out, you know, Hezbollah's weapons capabilities, missile capabilities, killing the the political head of Hamas inside Iran, a guy named Ismal Haniya, and, and really eviscerating Hamas's military command structure. So the Israelis did something very different. They escalated to deescalate rather than deescalate it in order to try to strike a deal. And I think that's the fundamental difference between Biden Obama and prime minister Netanyahu, and we'll see where president Trump falls in his second term. Yeah. I mean, I've been I grew up with a kinda hippie dippy mom, and I I got this spoon fed to us. Sting wrote a song in that 19 eighties about the Russians loving their children too and stuff like that. There's a what they do is they graft on their own morality and mindset to a group that does not share it at all and wants you dead. And they go, but if they only understood that we don't mean harm, that we sort of come in peace and that we wanna live in unity, if they understood that, then they would act accordingly. And we have to not agitate them. They have to understand it. And that works about as well as community policing. It's like, nope. They all they understand is there's less cops, and that means more robbing. That's how they react. And I wish we didn't live in that society, you know, where it's like, alright, Israel. You gotta start take chop the head off the snake. Go ahead and start killing leaders. I hate that except for it's that or the alternative, which is they're gonna try to kill you, and they don't stop. And I wish there was some sort of magic wand. We could go stop hating the Jews. Stop hating the West. Stop hating those who are successful. And and by the way, we will help you. We you can prosper. You're gonna have a good life. We can do this. They're not doing it, and so they need to be killed. That's about it. I am exactly right. I mean, that's why the distinction between the regime and the people is so important. I mean, I partly agree with Sting. Right? I do think most Iranians love their kids, and I think the most Iranians hate the regime. The the regime despises their kids. In fact, the regime, in order to put down the woman life freedom protest that occurred in 2022, 2023 and I don't know if many of your listeners know this because it didn't get widely reported, but the regime launched chemical attacks against Iranian schoolchildren in order to break the back of this, revolution, this, protest. So the hijab protest where everyone was taking out their job was kinda quelled, you're saying, because the children were gassed or poisoned? Well, right. In in two ways. I mean, they they these, you know, these thugs went in into the streets to start killing Iranian women and putting them in you know, those they didn't kill, they put in this notorious prison called Evan Prison where they were raped and tortured. But even that didn't quell the the protests. And so the regime sent out its thugs, and launched chemical attacks against Iranian schoolgirls. And and that was at the end what broke the back of of this protest. So, you know, that's the thing. I mean, this is a regime that not only despises our kids and wants to kill them, but despises Iranian kids and and is prepared to kill them. And so this is what we're dealing with. It's an unfortunate reality. As you say, Adam, that's the world we live in where, you know, these are not people that share our values. These are not this these regime leaders do not share our ambitions and aspirations. They're brutal men, and they're they're men, by the way. And they're hardened men, and they have an ideology. They have a theology. They believe strongly in it. And we we need to give that some credit when it when they say they wanna wipe Israel off the map, they mean it. When they say they wanna get rid of the great Satan, the United States of America, they mean it. They're serious. And I think history is replete with examples of of people who meant things that we didn't take seriously, and, unfortunately, it led to led to brutal wars in the 20th century and and before. Yeah. I mean, my take on it is, like, I don't want to kill you, but you're forcing us to kill you. So sorry. I feel there's a lot of that, which is it's not something I think we'd enjoy or want or and wish upon anybody, but if your mentality is going to be this, then you have to be killed. So there you go. Do you believe that during this new administration, there's more or less likelihood of us getting to armed conflict with Iran? Well, I I think president Trump certainly doesn't wanna get into armed conflict with anyone. You know, his his motto was sort of a reprisal of of the Ronald Reagan idea of peace through strength. Right? If the United States looks strong, if we have a strong military that's that's effective, and we're well armed, and and we're serious about using it and we're and our enemies perceive us as being credible in that respect, then maybe we can limit the wars. And that's what he said, and he's made that very clear. He said that in his inauguration address. He's he said that many, many times. So I I don't think he wants to get into any more Middle Eastern wars or certainly any wars in the Indo Pacific against China. But I think to do so, he understands that he America needs to be strong and credible. And I think, Adam, you mentioned this sort of this crazy man theory. Right? This madman theory that if our enemies think Trump is sort of slightly mad and unpredictable, that's actually an advantage. Right? We we're we're I think president Biden, president Obama were kind of predictable in their responses. I mean, everybody sort of knew what they were gonna do, and our enemies understood that. I think with Trump, this unpredictability and my the example I gave of killing this guy, Qasem Soleimani, was a perfect example of it. I mean, nobody thought that would happen. The the Islamic Republic of Iran, the regime was shocked, completely shocked. Their whole system was paralyzed by that decision. And, I think that's what Trump wants to do. Now the other side of the coin is the Israelis, and we can talk about the Israelis. The Israelis are not gonna allow Iran to to develop nuclear weapons. And if you wanna talk a little bit more about that, I'm happy to weigh in on it. But they they have a very different view of how to stop the Islamic Republic of Iran. And it it ain't diplomacy, and they have no margin of error because they're a tiny country the size of New Jersey hanging on in the Mediterranean there surrounded by hostile countries, no more hostile than the Islamic Republic of Iran. Yeah. I've, had an argument or 2 with people about this, but it's like I believe that Israel would like to exist and like to exist in peace, but their neighbors want them dead, so now they have to kill them. And the good news is is the countries that are not steeped in Sharia law have a little more advancements in the sciences and a little more in an industrial military complex. So it makes it possible for these people who have the technology to destroy the people who are essentially living like it's a 1000, 2000 years ago over there, but they don't really I don't think they want to. They just have to. Again, I'm Yeah. I'm repeating myself. Also, I think it's kind of comical that we sit here and we're like, Russia and all these rogue nations want Trump to be president. That's why they're x, y, and zing the the cooking things. It's like, no. I think the rogue nations want Biden. They they want Kamala Harris. They want Hillary Clinton. They the the the bad actors of the world want those guys, not that guy in office. So it's sort of a flawed premise of saying, you know, Russia is trying to get Trump elected or whoever the rogue actor de jure is is trying to get Trump elected. I was like, no. I think that's a nightmare for them. Yeah. I think that's right. I mean, I wanna touch on Israel for a second because, you know, you mentioned this idea that Israelis just wanna live in peace. And I I I noted, before the show on on x that, they do this world happiness index. They they rank the happiest countries in the world every year. And it it just really shocked me that Israel was ranked the 5th happiest country in the world in 2024. Wow. Now 2024 was a was a brutal year for the Israelis. As you know, October 7, 2023, this Hamas invasion and and massacre of Israelis and hostage taking and rapes and tortures. And then and then, you know, 15 months of war right through that year in 2024 where the Israelis were having to fight in Gaza and in Lebanon against Iran and and, you know, taking serious casualties. And yet Israel was ranked the 5th happiest country in the world after, like, 4 Scandinavian countries. Yeah. You know? They always take worry about. You know? They always take the podium. Today at Centerparks, I didn't multitask. I saw the gleeful look on my teenager's face as she conquered the zip wire. Today, I didn't juggle meetings and packed lunches. I helped my little boy paint a cute squirrel pot. Today, I didn't stress about a work deadline. I swam underwater aqua jetting with my 10 year old. Life moves too fast. Precious moments last longer on a short break at Centreparks. Cherish every moment. Yeah. They take the podium because, yeah, what, you know, what do they have to worry about? I mean, I would argue they have in some cases, they have more to worry about than than we realize. I mean, when when you look at what's going on in places like Sweden, with the influx of of radical Islamists and how they're taking over Swedish society. I think they got more to worry about than meets the eye. However, the fact that Israel's ranked 5th and ranked 5th during a brutal war, says a lot about the society. Right? And I I think about Israel as as really kind of a model society in that respect, in that they wanna live in peace. Like, they wanna be Athens. Right? Sort of the the the the idea of Athens, during, you know, the time of the Greeks. But they also have to be Sparta. Right? They also have to be not only enjoying life and and civilization and culture and food, and they have to be prepared to fight. And the younger generation of Israelis are prepared to fight, and they've really, I think, surprised their parents and grandparents by their willingness to go into these brutal conditions to to defend their country. So I I think that there's, there's some sort of hope there for, for western civilization because I think the Israelis are not only fighting for their survival. They're fighting for ours, and they're fighting for the survival of the western civilization. And I I hope president Trump appreciates that. I think he does. I I think he admires allies that are willing to fight and die in their own defense. I think he admires allies who aren't asking for US troops, to come and save them. I think president Trump wants to limit the number of US troops that are sent around the world to fight for other countries. And I think with the Israelis, he's got a real model there of a country that's willing to fight and die in its own defense. So I I hope the Trump administration provides, ironclad support for Israel because, again, it's not just about Israel. It's really about the United States, and it's about Western civilization. What was the story about returning a lot of cash to Iran from a few years ago? It's probably the Obama administration, but we'd had a lot of their cash, I I guess, in our possession, and we returned a lot of it, I guess. And I've always always curious why that was. Like, what was the motivation to return the cash, why Obama did that, and what that story was. And, again, sort of what would Obama say if you said, why'd you give all the cash back to Iran? He'd say because and something something would make sense to him at least, but I don't know if it if it makes sense to us. But what was that story? Yeah. So so the the story is all about the the Iran nuclear deal of 2015, and and, you know, this was a nuclear deal where in exchange for restrictions on Iran's nuclear weapons program, the United States would provide sanctions relief. We would lift sanctions against their economy, against their oil sector, against their automotive sector, and we would also release, tens of 1,000,000,000 of dollars in frozen oil funds that we had predicted based on our sanctions. And, so president Obama would say, well, look. You know, that's the nature of the deal. Right? We get these restrictions on their nuclear program, and we gotta give up tens of 1,000,000,000 of dollars in sanctions relief. That's the quid pro quo for the deal. The problem, of course, with that argument is, number 1, on the on the nuclear side, as I mentioned earlier, those restrictions were temporary, and and many of them go away this year and over the next few years. And so Iran would be able to massively expand its nuclear program, develop an industrial size enrichment capability, and have near zero nuclear breakout while getting what we had estimated at my think tank, almost a $1,000,000,000,000 in sanctions relief. So now you would have a regime with a massive nuclear program, a turn of the screw from nuclear weapons, and 100 of 1,000,000,000 of dollars that it could be used not only to fortify its economy and its system of internal repression, but to fund all of these terrorist proxies. And that was, again, the problem with the Obama nuclear deal. It was just a nuclear deal. It it didn't deal with Iran's terror armies, and it gave those terror armies 1,000,000,000 of dollars in sanctions, relief based funds in order to do what they did on October 7th and and attack Israel. So that that was the major story. Now there was sort of a a subset of that story where Obama not only gave them sanctions relief, but he sent $1,700,000,000 in pallets of cash that really were like US dollar bills and pallets that were shipped over to Iran in around 2015, 2016, in exchange for, well, you know, they essentially, in exchange for, US hostages that the Iranians were holding. The the Obama administration came up with some other story that it wasn't really about that, but it was about that. And so, you know, that that got a lot of attention at the time because, literally, you could see images of these pallets with US, $100 bills being shipped to the Islamic Republic. And, of course, you know, that's money that they not only can pocket, but very easily move to their terror proxies. And and that's why Hezbollah and Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad and Shiite militias in Iraq and the Houthis in Yemen, you know, got a got a total terror windfall, after that nuclear deal was was reached. Do they have an end game in terms of the regime the Iranian regime? You know, for us, we can kinda follow the money, and we can get to the bottom of a of a lot of stuff. For them, is it more follow the religion? Like, you know, you say to yourself, alright. You you're the strong-arm leader of this country. Wouldn't you prefer to, you know, not be droned to death by Trump and the Americans, wouldn't you prefer just to sort of live lavishly and not have uprisings that you had to put down constantly and poison school age kids and things like that? Like like, you know, if they took us and they put us in that position, we would immediately start just enjoying probably the fruits of our labors and everyone else's labors around us that made us put us in this lavish condition. Is it just the religious fanaticism that motivates them? Or because it seems like there's an easier way to do what they're doing and stay in power, I guess, is what I'm saying. Yeah. Look. I mean, our founding principles. Right? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Right? I mean, that's that's that's who we are. That's our ethos. Those are the ideas that we believe in, a fundamental commitment to democracy, to the republic, to to better lives for our kids and grandkids. And that's who we are. That's not who Iran's leaders are. Right? I think the majority of Iranians are like that. I mean, you guys know that in LA. I mean, you you know, incredibly successful Iranian Americans in LA, in, in upstate New York. I was I grew up in Toronto. They used to call Toronto Taranto. I think they still do because there's a huge Iranian American Canadian community there. Incredibly successful. The the only place in the world where Iranians don't succeed are inside the Islamic Republic of Iran. They're they're wonderful immigrants wherever they go. The problem is that inside the Islamic Republic of Iran, they don't succeed because their country is controlled by, yeah, by religious fanatics. And, again, they're men of ideas. Right? I think as Americans, we we are we are people of ideas. We believe in our ideas and and, you know, certainly in our republic and our constitution. But I think often we give short thrift to the fact that there are other men of ideas and other people of ideas who really believe strongly in those ideas. I mean, it was the problem right through the through the thirties with with Adolf Hitler. I mean, we didn't believe that Hitler really meant what he meant to say and what he wrote in Mein Kampf. And I think, you know, the Brits, the French, and and we Americans as well were shocked when Hitler actually was prepared to to bring his country to war and ultimately to to destruction in order to pursue those ideas. Ali Khamenei, the supreme leader of Iran, his Islamic revolutionary guard corps. These are hard men with hard ideas, and they believe in these ideas. And those ideas are ideas of spreading the Islamist revolution beyond Iran into the Middle East and globally. They are driving the United States out of the Middle East. They are destroying the state of Israel. And, ultimately, they are about, if they can, weakening, constraining, undermining, and and potentially toppling the American Republic. Now I they have great ambitions, which might sound outrageous and outlandish, and we hear them. But they believe in them, and they believe it's possible. But the one thing they do know they they think they can achieve is they can be the leader of the Muslim world. Mhmm. And they're trying to inculcate Muslims around the world with their radical views. Now, you know, the opposite of the Islamic Republic of Iran would be like the United Arab Emirates. I don't know if you if you guys have ever been to Dubai or Abu Dhabi to the UAE. I mean, you go there, you know, it's it's it's it's beautiful. It's prosperous. It's stable. It's peaceful because Mohammed bin Zayed, MBZ, who's the leader of the UAE, is not Ali Khamenei. He he believes in what we believe in, is stability and peace and tolerance and prosperity. So if the Middle East looked like the UAE and not like the Islamic Republic of Iran, you and I the 3 of us wouldn't even be doing a podcast on the Middle East because it would be a pretty peaceful, prosperous, stable, and boring place, and we would need to focus all this time and attention on it. So so I really think that the fanaticism of the regime is something that we we don't give enough attention to, and we, as Americans, don't think enough about. And we think we seduce them by flooding them with cash. Right? Yeah. Give them enough cash, and they'll be comfortable in their in their bill is. I think I think, you know, I always say the reason the Twin Towers are down is because you think, as an American look. You fly a commercial jetliner into a trade center, you're the pilot. You're gonna be the 1st guy who hits the building. Who's gonna do that? Like, we do I wouldn't we do a lot of I wouldn't do this, so why would you do that? It's it's a sort of once in a while, I'll find someone who doesn't like barbecue, and I'll just go, what? And they're kinda don't care. What? No. You like butt you like barbecue. You haven't had the right barbecue. You're like, I don't like barbecue. You know? That's oh, come on. You know? I can't, pardon the pun, digest this information. And I think we that's how humans think. And we sort of go, they want what we want. They just don't know how to go about it. And we'll show them how to go about it, and then we'll set up some democracy, and then they'll like it. You know? And they they they'll prosper, and then they'll like that. Like, we don't really understand. It's like here in California, here in LA. Like, we have a homeless problem. Well, we gotta get them homes. Okay. That's not that's not gonna solve it. Oh, we've just get some more money, get them some homes. You know what I mean? No. These are junkies. They don't think like you're thinking. You you think like you're thinking. Like if I was outside, I'd wanna be inside. If someone gave me a home, I would go to the home. Right. That doesn't work on them. We we get into a lot of trouble, and it is right that they have a fanaticism that's wild in that like, I could remember I think it was, like, the gulf 1st gulf war, whatever we're getting into, and I could remember them going, well, we're gonna start getting some tanks and some planes and stuff. We're just gonna go in, and we're gonna smoke you guys. And they're like, well, you do that, and you're gonna feel the sting of Allah's sword on your neck. And it's like, alright. Tell that to guy with the a 10 warthog who's shooting spent uranium at your old tanks and lighting them up. Yeah. Like, okay. Well, that guy's gonna get Allah's sword too. Like, I don't think he is. I think he's got an a 10 warthog with spent uranium shells and a Gatling gun that we invented, and he's gonna smoke you guys. Alright. Well, here comes a la sword. It's like, I I I why would you do that if you didn't believe that? I'd be scared s**tless of an a 10 warthog with spent uranium shells and a gatling gun if I was driving a tank from the from 1952. Down the Well, they Yeah. They are scared, Adam, of that. So with that stinging of uranium and and Allah's sword, their answer to that is to develop nuclear weapons. Right? Yep. They know they can't take us on conventionally. They've they've they've they've been embarrassed by the Israelis who both in, you know, in October and in April of last year, showed the Islamic Republic what the Israeli air force is capable of doing and, you know, destroyed their defenses and, significantly reduce their ballistic missile production capability. So they know they can't take us on in a conventional way, and so they're building nuclear weapons. And then you get into the argument of, well, they're building nuclear weapons, but, I mean, you know, Pakistan has nuclear weapons. India has nuclear weapons. Certainly, you know, North Korea has nuclear weapons. We we can live with nuclear weapons. We live with the Soviet Union. They have thousands of nuclear tipped missiles aimed at our cities, and we we were able to deter them. And and so we can deter the Islamic Republic of Iran too because they know that if they use those nuclear weapons against Israel or the United States, we would, you know, eradicate their their country. And so we can deter them. And and there is that school of thought in Washington that we can deter the Islamic Republic. The problem is is it it it misses what you're saying and what we're talking about on this on this in this conversation is is that extreme fanaticism where we celebrate life. Right? We they, meaning the Islamic Republic of Iran and this regime, celebrate death. Right? That they they they believe there is something better. And in in and in the secular west, we have a debate about whether there's something better in the afterlife. They believe there's something better, which is why the Islamic Republic has been willing to engage in terrorism and has been able to find young men and some young woman willing to be suicide bombers. Like, we think about that as that's insane. I mean, how could anyone be be a suicide bomber? And you met and you mentioned the Twin Towers and 911. Right? How can anybody knowingly go to their death in order to murder other people? But they've had no problem recruiting suicide bombers, around the world in order to advance this this radical Islamist ideology. So would they be prepared to use nuclear weapons? Well, the former president of Iran, Rafsanjani, once said, and he was considered, quote, a moderate and a pragmatist. You know, Israel's a one bomb country. We should be prepared to lose millions of Muslims in order to eradicate the Jewish state. So I think that for the Israelis, there's no way they're gonna take the chance, of getting this one wrong. Yeah. Mark, this has, been interesting, and, I hope yeah. I'm happy that these Israelis are gonna do something that we might not be willing to do, but, we'll all benefit from it. I'm gonna give a website out. Is it f dd.org? Can people go there to find out more about you? Yeah. That's it. And and I'm at, on x. I'm on atmdubowitc, m Dubowitz. And I'm I'm posting there quite regularly. So, yeah. And thank you. Appreciate the opportunity to talk to you both. I appreciate the chance to talk to you, Mark. Thanks for catching us up. And when something happens, I hope or if something happens or when something happens, I hope I don't mean necessarily bad. I just mean something. We can go to Mark and get his expertise on the subject. Learned a lot. Thank you, sir. Thanks, Mark. Alright. I'm gonna be in Boca Raton coming up January 30th at the Black Box Theater, and then I'm gonna be doing stand up at Off the Hook, and that'll be in Naples, Florida, January 31st, and then February 1st. You go to adam krull.com for all the live shows because I'm coming everywhere. And until next time, it's Adam Krull for Mark Dubowitz and Mayhem Miller saying Mahalo. Pick up your phone and leave us a voice message at 808, 888-634-1744, and you get tickets to see Adam Carolla atadamCarolla.com. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Oh. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to substack, and there's an ad free audio and video version of The Adam Carolla Show that's gonna be waiting there. In the near future, you'll even be able to watch ACS Live unedited as we record it, participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You'll also get an ad free version of the Adam Corle and doctor Drew show. You'll also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat It Out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is gonna be Jay Mohr. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of $9 a month, a pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe now at adamparola.com/substack, and I'll see all of you in our new Speakeasy called substack. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

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