Transcript
Your former best friend, Spencer Pratt here, you know, by email is a big. I want to forgive you and I want to forget you. Hey, guys, I'm Audrina Patridge and I'm Brody Jenner. I'm Frankie Lava. Oh, it's going down. I'm Brody Jenner. And welcome to Was It Real? The Hills Rewatch podcast. We are going back to 2006 and breaking down the question you've all been asking us after all this time. Was it real? We're going to be watching all the episodes from the beginning and addressing what really happened on screen and off screen. So does that mean we can talk about Justin Bobby? Nothing's off limits, Audrina. And like if Brody hooked up with Jim Bunning during that time, no. All right, guys. We will get to all of that. But we're also having former cast members on Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Spencer and even the show's original producers to fact check us as we go. We're also going to be taking fan questions, too. So follow was it real wherever you go to get your podcasts or on YouTube to be in the loop on how to be involved and drop us a rating and review and let us know who you want to see on the show or what you want us to cover. We will see you guys then. OK, yeah. Let's pray first. OK, so God, as you enter the room and you, Savannah and I as a channel which saw you speak, may you remove any ego pride, anxiety fears, worldly clamors that are blocking us from what you need us to say. Amen, man, I love. Let us be channels. I love that. All right. Welcome back to unlocked. I'm so excited for this week because you guys get to me one of my best friends, Holly, hey, welcome on. So we kind of talked about this yesterday and we were like, I don't really know if people know the extent of our friendship. Like, everyone knows Chad because Chad's I know Chad, she's more out there, like on social media and stuff. He was like famous before he ever got famous. Everybody knows Chad and everyone knows Chad. I love that he was famous before he ever got famous. That's amazing. But yeah, so you and I, we've. The way we've become friends is really interesting. Yeah, I think we've like a trauma bonded on us through through this past year. I know we really have and, you know, to each their own. Some may say that's not healthy, but whatever it's worked for us. But. The crazy part is we've known each other really for like four or five years, yeah, I think five years, but it wasn't until the past probably year year that we got really close. Yeah, it's been. It's because all of this like, you know, I'm currently going through a divorce that has, like, rocked my world. It was like I was completely blindsided by what happened and what brought it about. So of course, I always like, lean into Chad, who was always like my safe place. And with Chad, I got you. So it was a true blessing because I think and we've said this before, like we, we came into each other's lives like just at the right time. Because when I met you originally or the first time you like really hung out was when we all went skydiving. That was your idea. We just have to say, when we went skydiving, that was probably the most fun experience ever, and Chad was not having it. Yeah, Chad wasn't having it, and I made Chad Jumper. I like the. I remember that he was like shaking. Yeah, I was like, as you should be. Yeah. So that was really the first time we actually like hung out, hung out. But I don't even think you really spoke to me much that day. I'm going to be honest, I don't think I've ever told you this, but I was super jealous of you, and it was mainly I would I would do the most like catty things with Chad. Chad would like post on his Instagram and be like me and my bestie, and I'm like, Who is this chick? Like, Who is this? I would get so upset, and I'm like, Chad Blake, what about me? And I think that goes to say, like in show that you can't judge a book by its cover because, you know, people have done that to me my whole life, and they've definitely done it to you. And I did it to you because I thought, What do I have in common with this girl? You know, like you on the outside seems so perfect, like your life is so perfect. And that's just that's just not the case. So especially over the past year, I've gotten to know, know that about you and love that about you. Seeing, that's the thing. It's like when you say that that's like the whole world. It's even since I've started this podcast, you know, there's been an overwhelming amount of support and love and like, you could have asked for people to be nicer. But there are those people that post the negative things. And why do I want to listen to this girl, talk about her problems, try having real problems, right? And it's like, I just put it together really well, like dad and I are the same people. And Erin calls it. What do you call it? Call it on. The dad and I are very good at compartmentalizing. Yes, very happy. No. But compartmentalizing dad and I what we talked about with Lindsay. Yeah. Like Dad and I are really good and you're the same way. Like, we're really good at compartmentalizing and our whole world could be falling apart, literally. But on the outside, you're never going to know it. Yeah. And I think that's what in a way, I kind of I've done it to myself because it kind of does myself a disservice because I'm hiding everything. So I'm making everyone look like it's perfect, right? And then they're just it's hard for them to see that there's ever any hurt or any real stuff that happens behind all of it in the body. Doesn't forget that. Know the pain, the emotions, the feelings that we experience. We can get dressed up and look cute and go out and hustle and work and take care of our families and do all those things. But the feelings are still there and they do surface eventually. Well, there's a book and it's called The Body Keeps the score. Yeah, yeah. And I learned about that in therapy and was told to read it. And it's so true. It's like you may feel like mentally you're OK, but there's this whole. I forgot what it was called, but I had learned about it. And it's like this whole point system of like all kinds of different trauma. If this has happened to you, you're at higher risk of fibromyalgia, all these other things that affect your body. And it's like it doesn't go away like your body always keeps the score doesn't matter what it is. And that's the hard part. But also to I think this past year, I don't think I've ever even told you this. Like you and I have gotten really, really close. And there are times like, I mean, I think I really knew like, all right, she's a bad a*s friend. When I came home from. The whole trial. Oh, yeah, that was horrible. And you and Chad, we're standing in my house and you literally just like you immediately came up to me and like hugged me and embraced me. And because I didn't, I didn't cry the whole way home. And then you literally it was just like when you did that, like, I just fell apart. You, you quite literally fell on the ground. Yeah. And I was like, Oh my gosh, yeah. And about like you didn't think twice about. No, of course not. Just giving. The love that you have and literally basically undressing me to get me to shower and calm me down, and that just goes to show that like the real people, when life gets tough, like your real friends and the people that matter, they show up. And the ones that don't. Bye bye. Yeah. Yeah, I think to sing you like that because again, I hadn't really ever even tried to see the how much we related. But once I could see it, I realized that you were also such a bad a*s. And there's like a balance with that, you know? But but it's just like, we're talking about how we bottle up our emotions and we keep trudging and like, we keep pushing through. And when I saw you break down like that, I was like, Oh my gosh, you know, like, I have to carry her through like others have have done for me and like you've done for me this past year. But I've I don't think I had ever seen you cry, and I think that's probably I may have seen you cry like twice in the past year, maybe three times, but I can only think of two times. And then you, you suck it up and you, you keep pushing. And so I mean, I couldn't I don't think people realize what a hard worker you are, how motivated you are you. You don't stop working. Whether it's the podcast your sassy, sassy by Savannah, like all your products. The TV filming, I mean, it's constant. Yeah, and I tell you, I think like you've been one of like my biggest supporters throughout the whole thing and you all yesterday was a tough day on just, you know, I'm just going to say it was a really tough day and. At the end of the day, I had some good news on some real estate stuff and Holly sent me a picture which we'll see maybe if you can see it, but it was like literally of me sitting on my computer. And she says she sent me a text and she was like, As the world crashes around you, I just want you to remember this. If you're ever feeling weak or broken, you've got a fire in your soul. You'll be OK no matter what. And then the next text was, I'm going to tan real quick. They are we going to? But now it's just like stuff like that. More people need that, and I hope more people find friends like you and Chad and like Erin, just all the really good people that send text and you know, like Pamela last week sent me a really nice text. I was just like out of the blue, just, you know, just having good people around you. You know, like, you just never know what someone's going through. You never know what that one text could do, what it could save, what it could like. Just it restores a little bit of hope when you feel like you've got none. So thank you for that. And I love you. I love you, too. I think it's really good to to not feel alone like you don't have to do life alone. It is hard to find those people. I think Chad and I, personality wise, are a good balance because Chad is more like optimistic and uplifting. And I have like and Chad's been through the wringer. You've been through the ringer. But I think with my experiences, I've gotten into a more deeper level of it. Also, my mom said, I'll see you at therapist, so I'm like, Just automatically go there, you know, you can just automatically go there. So I mean, we've talked about me, plenty talked about me enough. I mean, I love me, but you know, I'll talk about you and I want to talk about whatever you're comfortable and sharing with your story and who you are for people to just know you better and your heart. And like, I'm so proud of you. Like, I'm so blessed to know you and thank you. Like, it's honestly a privilege to be a part of your life and Nash's life and know, my gosh, Nash loves you. So. OK. Nash is her little boy and is the cutest little thing ever. I can't. He is. He is amazing. He's five years old. He is thriving. And I'm hesitant to talk about like that part of my story. But of course I will, because I I like we did right before we started filming as we both prayed. And my prayer is always that I can be used as a channel for whatever you believe in. God, higher power the universe. I choose to call my higher power God. But I just want to be useful, and I know that the pain and all the experiences I've stopped questioning why me? I automatically know now I don't. I don't question why me. I just know that I'm going through this experience to be useful to somebody else. And because I think we're all like a collective consciousness, we are all here. We're all going through stuff like, you're not the first woman to be going through a divorce with a kid and like, there's going to be plenty more that come after you. So it's if you can help, because when I tell y'all, like Holly is the best mother, like the best mother, like, it's amazing to watch you and your patients. And like Nash, is one of the most well-behaved kids I've ever met. Like, I'm not going to lie. You know, I love kids, but one of my pet peeves is when they're like wild. Yeah, they're like, they just don't mind. You know, and it's like, they're running around your house tearing it up. Like, I'm just a little OCD for that. She really is, you know, y'all should have seen. Nash knows now, though, about the white couch. Like don't, and Savannah always is just smiling at him because she loves him so much. But like she's like internally, like dying about her white couch. So I'm like Nash. Like, Please don't put your feet on Zazi's couch, please, please. But he gets it now. He's learned he gets it now. Yeah, he's really well behaved. He's great. Andrew is the smartest little kid I've ever met. Is very, very smart when it comes to math. Y'all like Holly and I were, and that's something yesterday and we were like a little off. Yeah, wishing Nash was with us. Yeah, I was like, I should have just called Nash. And again, you know, he's five. So yeah, he literally what was it? He was like, Yeah, said it five minutes. Yeah, yeah. Nash has a surprise for you in five minutes and he goes, actually three seconds. Yeah, three hundred seconds. Yeah, but I was like, You said it like quick too. Yeah, he didn't think he didn't think about it. Yeah, but I think like, you know, first, I want to say that I appreciate like you letting me come on here. I mean, you asked me, I didn't ask to come on here, but I probably wouldn't have ever. You wouldn't over. I would have never been open to it. But unfortunately, like in going through a divorce, which I don't wish upon anyone. I I, I've been defamed and you can relate to that, right? People say all kinds of stuff about you and your family, things that aren't true. I think this felt like an opportunity to like, you know, I've been quiet for so long, especially in the the marriage that I've been in and which I didn't mind because I don't really want to air my business anyways. But since it's out there, you know, so I think that before we talk about Nash, like I do want to bring up that I'm in recovery. I've been in and out of recovery and just struggled with addiction since I was young, probably 13 or 14. And it's, you know, I've got really bad anxiety. My brain, I think primarily it's like just a lot of ADHD, but. Anything that could make me feel at ease. That's what I liked, so it definitely wasn't until like, you know, I feel like I feel like my brain's already like. But you know, I don't want to say before coming on this podcast, you were really nervous to tell your story. And I get that and I don't want you to share anything you're not comfortable in sharing, but also I want you to know how awesome it is that you're at, where you're at and how it's something that you should be so proud of that no one can ever take away from you. And anyone that tries to discredit it is right. Like they can kindly kick rock, you know, Sketchers. Like I say, I got it because I've been around it like, right, I've seen addiction. I've seen what it does and how hard it is to truly kick it right? Like so in the fact that you're out where you're at, it's huge, right? I appreciate that. Welcome to The O.C., b***hes. I'm Rachel Bilson, and I played Summer Roberts on The O.C. and I'm Melinda Clarke, and I played Julie Cooper, Nicole Cooper, Nicole. We are the original b***hes on Fox's hit The O.C. back in the early 2000s and its season three time of our Rewatch podcast, we will be in the pool house like we are right now to break down every episode this season. We are talking about the Marissa Ryan and Trey shooting aftermath. Marissa going to a new school and possible new love interest. Don't forget we have Kirsten getting out of rehab and then Julie Cooper. Just what is she up to this season? This podcast is for new fans like Rachel are old fans who just want to soak up the nostalgia of the glory days. We have some great guests lined up this season iconic cast members, superfan influencers, writers, producers and crew members who helped make the magic of The O.C. happen. Be sure to listen to Cast Media's podcast Welcome to The O.C. b***hes, wherever you like to listen to your podcasts, and you can also check out the video releases each week on Welcome to The O.C. b***hes YouTube channel Bye b***hes. There's such a stigma around there is such a stigma, and I think that's why I mean, I'm happy to talk to to anybody, especially if they're struggling. I'm not going to go into too much specifics because I feel like if I were to go into specifics, it kind of makes me unique versus people being able to find the really ability to my story. Because it doesn't matter if you've got an eating disorder or a gambling problem, you're a drug addict, you're an alcoholic. They're all forms of escape. And that is what my my root issue was was running from me and feeling. I don't like to feel. I mean, I like to feel happy. I like to feel good. But the anxiety that, you know, I think I was just born with, I don't know. And fear and sadness, anger, all those things like I could just do without. And I think because I was exposed at a young age, a formative age where you learn to have behavioral regulation and things like that. I found this other solution. And that's what I continue to go for. Unfortunately, that's not manageable for me. It never will be. I will always have addiction issues. And, you know, by the grace of God, I'll, you know, remain sober, which I, I have. My sobriety date is three, 15, 16. So it's almost been, I guess it's six years. I was going to say it's almost been seven years, but we're nowhere near March. That is awesome. Yeah, but there. But I mean, I think that was that was it is like just running from pain. Emotions I wanted to read. Can I like, look at my phone? I wanted to read this. Look at my phone. I'm already doing it. So there's this one quote from Is it Glennon Doyle? It says to be alive is to be in a perpetual state of revolution, whether I like it or not. Pain is the fuel of revolution. Everything I need to become the woman I meant to be. Next is inside my feelings of now. So basically, like pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth. Yeah. If I'm intoxicated through it, through the pain, whether it's grief or fear or et cetera, like whatever you're going through, I'm not growing because I'm not feeling it. I'm not alive. I think that's why me and you have gotten so close over this past year because you've been going through all the things you've been going through with everything that's happened with your family. And it's it's horrible. And I've watched it. I've been there with you through it as you've done the same for me. I've gone to court, I think, five times in the past year with my ex, and it is. It is horrible. And what so I will say for me and what's so horrible to watch is. We all have a past. We've all done things that we're not proud of, that we wish we could change that we like, we've all got it. But unfortunately, your past has been used against you when that's not who you are and it has nothing to do with the breakdown of my marriage, that's for sure. Well, that's the thing is, you were a great wife like you. Now I had my I had I did have my my issues like everybody else does, but I want to claim perfection. Yeah. But I remember asking my don't I'll probably say husband during this because I mean, legally, he still is, but my ex. I remember asking him like, I was so confused and I was so alone at the beginning because I wasn't really sure what was going on. I had found some text on his watch from a co-worker that he was. You know, what he's admitted to is an emotional affair, so we'll just keep it at that. An emotional affair with this girl who I had suspected for a while, but then she befriended me. And so I kind of let it go. But nonetheless, like, I remember asking him, why? Why are you bringing up my sobriety? You know, like, why are you bringing up my addiction? What does it have anything to do with anything? And he said to me, Well, I had to have a reason, and I didn't even understand that at the time. But you know, there's a couple there's two ways you can go about a divorce and it's like contested or not. Yeah. And so I. What did you say to me like the other day, like the only person who wins and all of this stuff, the lawyers? Yes, the only person that wins is the lawyers. And that's the sad part because. Into, I think, the hardest part for you, because like we said, we thought we were so different, but we really are so similar when it comes to the emotional aspect and just we're so similar and I think the hardest part for you has been. I trusted this person so much so like much and you lived a life of. Chaos, you know, before this person and then this person brought so much to it was consistent. It is very safe now. There was like a lot of lack on his part. But I would choose that safety of like knowing who the person is versus like a bunch of emotional because he's very, for the most part, unemotional. Yeah, not a lot of empathy towards me. But he was safe and I thought I knew the morals and values of this person didn't waver. And so I would choose that any day over some sort of like fiery romantic. You know? Yeah, because everyone thinks it should be all fireworks and and granted, it can be that it can, but certain people just need certain things. And so I think what was so hard for you was knowing you had all that safety and then in like the blink of an eye, it was like, Whoa, like I got disposable. Yeah, disposable, got completely just screwed over. And like, yeah, in the end, the worst part of all of this, because I think it took it took me two months and I spent most of last December and then January of this year grieving the person that I thought I knew my ex. And now? Ones I like didn't snap out of it, but honestly, just work through it, that was definitely the most emotions I've ever experienced, walk through sober ever, and it was horrible. But the great thing that I learned, which I knew you just learned for a long time, is that I can feel those things and I don't have to use any sort of substance to get through it. You know, in those times, God is everything or he is nothing. I can lean into something greater than me. I can pray. Kind of like how you were saying about that. You were amazed with your parents that they still continue to wake up and dedicate time to God and prayer in the morning, regardless of all the stuff that is happening to them. And that's, you know, is a choice because when I'm sober, I have a choice. Then what I'm going to do, am I going to reach out to another woman and be vulnerable? Am I going to pray? What am I going to do? Or am I going to go use drugs or drink or do something that isn't useful? Honestly, and it's not going to get me through it because, like we said, those emotions are still there. The pain is still there, and I'm eventually going to have to walk through it. So what would you say? Was because it took I feel like it. Took you a while to like. Muster up the courage to be done. I think and for so long, I think maybe you knew more than what you let on that you knew there was a lot of women in my life. Specifically, like my friend Kelsey and Judy and you that would tell me and explain to me my emotions that I truly didn't understand what was going on, so I feel like and this may not be be accurate, but from what I understood, the feelings that I was feeling during the grief of this relationship were like a roller coaster. I mean, one minute I would be. Angry, but for the most part, I would be sobbing, and I'm like, I need to work this out. I know he's been unfaithful. You also have a young child, right? And it was just it was just all these emotions. But the final straw was just the level of betrayal. I knew at a certain level of betrayal because it was just one thing after the other, after the other, after the other. But eventually I was like, There's no way I can come back from this now. One of the things was like, you know, he offered, you know, because he couldn't get rid of this girl fire. This girl, obviously, and that he would like get her out on the road. More is what he promised and that he would allow me access to the cameras at work to watch. And then I remember my friend Judy, literally, though. But I mean, I was considering it because I was literally crazy. I was full of grief. I couldn't imagine having been in this relationship for eight years and then just throwing it away. What's that going to do to my son? How is it going to affect my baby? And but yeah, my friend, I think my friend Judy was like, You ought to be looking at a camera all day and I'm like, and I know it would have have been like glued to the computer, like just talking, you know? And it's just like, that's not the life that I want to live. And but at the end of the day, once I came to the decision that I knew I was done, that I needed to kind of get in survival mode at that point and just start getting in the shower every day, you know, get out of this and time where it was like debilitate member. I would go, it's like, No, you're going to eat. I can't eat. Yeah, I was like, Eat everything like, here, start eating. I don't care if it's a chocolate bar, events or whatever. Yeah, because it was so hard and another layer to it. I feel like a lot of women feel and go through you just you didn't work because you had a child with special needs that needed undivided attention and care and that you put your whole life into like right between therapy. And I mean, you did hours and hours and hours of therapy like that was your life. So you did it work. You didn't have your own source of income. My whole identity has been a caretaker at this point, you know? And just to clarify, like I got sober in 2016 March, I got pregnant in September. So I was six months sober when I got pregnant with Nash. And so. Once he was born, I remember it being, like, really difficult, he cried so much, he was, you know, I feel like colicky is such a blanket term for like, you don't know what's wrong with him. Good luck. You know, it's like. And it you know, my solution for any sort of hardships I go through is to find someone else. I can help through the same hardship. I know that that's where I get my healing from because it makes you feel like yours isn't wasted. Yeah, like it wasn't. Yes, exactly. And so I remember just assuming and thinking that my experience that every woman went through that so I would go and like anybody that I saw on Facebook, that was like having a baby that are relatively new people. I really didn't even know I'd be like, Hey, like, I'm here for you. Like if you need anything, you know? And then like, my really close friends started to have babies and I would watch them like they they. It wasn't the same experience and that really confused me. So I, I, I didn't understand, you know, I had never, you know, was my first child. But as Nash got older, I think it was about six months he start. He stopped babbling. And it was right after his shots, which no, I don't think vaccines or anything like that cause autism, but I do believe that there are a lot of vaccines given to kids in a large amount. Yeah. And you know, if I could go back, I would. I would do things a lot differently. But that's just not the test. It doesn't matter now, so. So at six months, he just he saw babbling. And by about eleven months, I know I'm sorry. Ten months old, I started calling Vanderbilt, asking if I could get in with. A psychologist. Yeah. And so the. They told me that the earliest they could get him in was 15 months. And I just knew as I knew he wasn't making eye contact, he was making this sound that was like. You know, he would. He wanted to be alone all the time, and all I wanted was a connection and like to love on him and play with him. And I knew he was struggling. And so and that's such a powerless feeling which you know me and your mom and talked about, like when you see your baby's sad or you just such a sense of powerlessness. So I was blowing Vanderbilt up like, please help me. And at the time, I didn't realize that without a diagnosis, there was no that no services available to me. I thought it was autism. It seems like that's what was going on. He had a lot of gut issues, no eye contact. He didn't respond to his name. And I'm trying to think what else? Anyhow, I remember calling Vanderbilt one day and saying I was bawling, and I asked them if they could get me a feeding therapist, at least until he was 15 months, you know, until our appointment at 15 months old, like, can you please get me a feeding therapist? Because he's he is like swallowing things whole, but he's choking on water and he's really constipated. Like, there's just all these gut issues. I won't go into details about it. But it was traumatic. It was traumatic for me. It was traumatic for Nash. And they said, Can you come in at 12 months, you know, when he's 12 months old? And I'm like, Absolutely, you know, we'll be there. And so like most of you know, all the appointments I did alone with Nash, I, my mom would come down, you know, when she could and she came down for that one. And it was such a now I will. I'll ask. Looking back? Do you think maybe you knew at that time that something in your marriage wasn't clicking because you really were alone alone? Mm hmm. Yeah, I think that that's and it's hard to look at, and the only reason I ask is because there's so many people that are in your position right now, right, that don't know, like, is this normal? Should? Maybe it's my job to do all this by myself, but I am the mom. Or maybe, you know. Yeah, I do want to say, and I can't believe I'm even going to say this because of all the confusion, honestly, with the personality of my ex. But like he, I think, does mean, well. Yeah, I think he's a good human. I just think we are all riddled with selfishness and self-centeredness. And he did the best he could. Maybe I don't. I don't know. But I do remember sitting there with Nash. He was like three months old and he was just screaming and I had done everything. And God grace me at the time with like almost a robotic personality when because it was just always crying and I never got angry, I never got really sad. I never I never really wavered from this numb feeling. And so just sitting there with him and he's just screaming and I'm trying to rock him and I look over at my ex who just walked in from work and he's like, Hey, how are you doing? And he's all happy. Go lucky. I'm like, You know, and I'm like. Please, I just I don't know if I can keep doing this. This is so much and he's like, I'm sorry, dear. You know, it was like. Like, can you just take him? You know, and so that's one of the things that I learned was how to communicate better with my needs because there was no like getting an ID. You know, he he couldn't look at me and see that I was struggling so hard and and in intuitively know like what to offer. As far as help, I had to figure that out for myself and asked for it specifically. But and I think too, that's the thing as women, as people in general that are women, men, whoever when you're in a relationship with someone. You have to communicate your wants and needs because the person you're in relationship with. They're not psychic. Right? You know, they don't especially like men and draw. I'm so sorry, but I know men in James are Missouri guys. Yeah, they're they're not going to be safe. So it's hard because you can't hold someone accountable for something that you haven't communicated yourself. Mm hmm. And that's what I've learned. It's like, Well, they're not doing this, this and this. And I look back and I'm like, Did I really communicate, communicate that? Yeah, maybe I didn't. So it's kind of on me that I'm not getting that right. I mean, you were like the worse for asking for help. Well, like do everything in our power to just do it on our own. Yeah. Like, we're going to do it on our own. But then we're going to have so much resentment and anger because we did it all on our right. And that's not necessarily fair to the other person, to the other person, like even me and chase. I find myself in this situation. So much like even this morning, he was like, Is there anything I can help you with? And I'm like, No, I'm good. Yeah. I know I'm going to have anger and resentment when I do everything and I'm like, Why didn't you do this, this and this? So like, that's on me. And I have to be better at like self-regulating and taking a step back and putting pride and all these things aside and saying, Hey, yeah, I really do need help with this. Can you do this? Yeah. Hello. It's Amruta, a.k.a. Emily Ratajkowski. I finally have a podcast. It's called High-Low with Morata. I'll be talking politics, philosophy, yes, feminism and also sex, gossip, tech talk. All of it. I'm really looking forward to joining me. I'm hoping it'll be like, We're swimming and I'm going off from Sony Music Entertainment and something else. Listen to Halo with erotic wherever you get your podcasts. Exactly how old was Nash when he was diagnosed? He was 12 months old, 12 months so, 12 months old and five days, you know, by 12 months old. I had gotten really good at communicating what I needed from my ex. He just wasn't able to to show up, right? So my mom came down for that appointment 12 months old. It was a interesting feeling because I knew that with the diagnosis of autism, I was a flood of help was going to rush in services, therapy, things like that. For that, my son really needed occupational therapy, a feeding their, you know, whatever speech she'd aba. Oh my gosh, I am the biggest advocate for behavioral therapy. There's there's amazing behavioral therapy. You know, Bibas is what they're called. There are so many amazing ones and there are a couple of bad ones. If you have a bad experience, try it again. Try it again. It literally saved my son's life more now because he is so because you were adamant on getting a diagnosis, and that's what I feel like. We all need to stand firm in what we believe and listen to our bodies more. Not like even women. Like to listen to your body, feel, insist that you get the right test, the right because it could save your life and you getting NASH help at such a young age saved his life. Because now I mean, the kid is perfect. Yeah, I don't know. Like, literally the only thing about him is. He's really picky with what he eats. Oh my gosh. They're certainly picky. Yeah, but a lot of a lot of kids are. But yeah, he really eats like three things. So but we're getting there progress, not perfection, right? But he like to see that that's your biggest issue is a blast. Exactly a blessing. And I think, you know, it's hard because that did take a toll on your marriage. It did, because you were I was constantly working with him. I never yeah, I I I didn't ever want to leave him with anyone, my son, because I didn't want anybody else. I mean, a mother's love is like no other. It's unconditional. I didn't want anyone getting frustrated with him. No one really knew him like I did. And like kind of even the little hams and the grunts he would make. I knew what they meant, and I knew what he needed to calm him down. I was always 10 steps ahead of whatever the next outburst or like issue was going to be. I was always ahead of that. And, you know, kind of kept everything at a sound level, you know? And so I guess what would? What advice would you give to a woman that was in your shoes two years ago of feeling hopeless, not wanting to walk away, but knowing that maybe that's the only choice that you have, right? Are you talking about with your marriage? Yeah, just with that, because I don't want to get on to some fun stuff. OK, well, I will say that the suggestion that I got early on. Was. We give 110 into the relationships that we have. That way, we don't owe anyone a men's like we give. We do everything that we can. So when we walk away, if we walk away, we don't feel bad about it. And by the time that I said I'm done, I stopped listening to him, trying to convince me that we'll do this and that and this and this. And then it'll work out. It's like, No, I choose me. My happiness, my mental health and my emotional health over this situation. I have done everything that I can at this point, and I'm I'm done now. You know, that's what I would suggest. Like it got to a point to to where it was more transactional than relational. It was, yeah. And I feel like you. That's when you know you need to walk away. I know that from like past relationships as the moment it got more transactional than relational. Mm hmm. You feel angry, bitter, resentful because it's just like, OK, this I'm not emotionally being fed this, giving me nothing other than anger and hurt and all these things. Right? I agree. And so I don't know. It's just I'm really proud of you. Thank you. How far you've come and. I don't know, I just feel like when. I'm learning this, too, it's like when you're in the right relationship with someone, your relationship with everyone else will be right, you know, like because. When you're in a healthy relationship, it teaches you have how to have a healthy relationship with other people, whether it's friendship, whatever it may be. And I don't know, I feel like right now and it's so funny because you and I are in such different phases of life, but at the same time, like, we relate so much. Yeah, and to now, it's time for you to like, go back to dating. I know you're like, It's terrifying. It's it's terrifying. And I'm not going to lie. I'm a bit traumatized from my past relationships. So and it's hard to not take that into. Consideration, yeah, like and pushed to your new relationships, and that's the hard part is like we all tend to hold the new person accountable for your past person's mistakes. Yeah. And that is not fair to do to anyone, and it's not fair, you know, and it sucks because it's just natural, right? Like, you're so hurt and traumatized that you're just preparing yourself for the worst so you don't get hurt again. We both relate to like taking time and got like going on site and getting like therapy for ourselves. Yeah, because if I'm not, well, like I can't very, very well have a good relationship with you or anyone else because. You know, I think thinking about dating if I don't love myself through and through. Why would I expect anybody else to, you know, like something's wrong with me or, you know, I like. I think infidelity is just so painful when your partner cheats on you, it just is traumatizing, so it is hard to to think about dating and like going out. But but not everyone is. Well, also too, we say that. But. There's one thing I really want to talk about right now. You know, you know, yeah, maybe we could like wait. I mean, you can whatever. OK, yeah. So we're all out here in the dating world, right? Like me? Holly Chat. Holly's been going through her divorce for a year. It's been a year. Yeah, it'll be a year. Yeah, coming. Coming up a year. And it's not wrong for you to be out here going to a dinner with someone trying to put yourself out there because you do deserve love and you do deserve someone who's going well. And I think I decided to like, really take this up to like, put myself out there when one of my ex's girlfriends reached out to me, I wish I had a screenshot of that text. It's it is so funny, and I actually so she's talking about her ex-husband's girlfriend. Yeah, like when I was like, Oh yeah, this is like in February. I mean, I had just stopped grieving. And then he's already like dating some new girl outside of his job, but a new girl. And and I will say that I absolutely love this girl. I have no issues with her. She I mean, it is that that's the thing, because the same thing happened to me. So I don't even know if you know, I don't. I'm like this, which obviously wasn't married. But yeah, I dated this NBA player. All of that. OK. Oh, OK. Yeah, I dated this NBA player. Yeah, and I went to the draft with him like. And I will say that breakup has always been probably the hardest. Which is weird because I when we first started talking, I wasn't over my ex. I wasn't. But then something switched and I was like, Holy crap, like, I love this guy. Like, It's so easy. We have so much fun. Like, he's hot as hell. Why I need to see a picture, honey girl, I got you. So the hold on, I got to show you this. I cannot believe you don't know this. I don't. But you know how my brain is. I'm like, Yeah, your brain? Yeah, I forgot. Hold on. Let's see where it's like I just got to show you. So like. So, Q, all along, which obviously I was in this relationship, I was in this relationship in the public eye. Yeah. And so it was just like I said, he is one of like, that's the hardest breakup, but I really don't fault him. So when we met we he saw me in a restaurant in L.A. because I was out in L.A. filming. He saw me in a restaurant. He was signing with his agency and he messaged me on Instagram and was like, I think I saw you in the restaurant I was at tonight. It was Craig's in Beverly Hills. And he was like, I really didn't want to bother you, but you know, but here I am bothering you. Here I am. So he was like, didn't want to bother you? And I didn't see it till like later that night. So we started messaging. He was out in L.A. training before he went to the NBA draft. And like, we hung out every day from the bars like it's the best. I hung out every day from that message forward and we had so much fun. And then we went on, I went with him to the draft. Like, I spoiled the heck out of this kid. Like I tell you, but which gifts are not everything I just like? That's how I showed my love for people like, I love buying things for people and just showering you with things. And we also grow up very differently. You know, I grew up very privileged, and he grew up just very middle class, but I just wasn't exposed to the things that I was exposed to. He was from like a little town in Ohio and Ohio. Yeah, I know. Hello. It's Amruta, a.k.a. Emily Ratajkowski. I finally have a podcast. It's called High Low with Morata. I'll be talking politics, philosophy, yes, feminism and also sex, gossip, ticktalk. All of it. I'm really looking forward to you joining me. I'm hoping it'll be like, We're face timing and I'm going off from Sony Music Entertainment and something else. Listen to Hyla with erotic wherever you get your podcasts. And so we just grew up very differently. And then I went with him to the draft. I was like the only girlfriend at the draft, and I know so also two NBA players. Will now be set up. All just stay away from athletes, but we just like I literally got a billboard for him in Times Square. Oh my gosh. And I thought buying a piece for a guy was, I was like, humiliated. Anyways, go on a billboard. Certainly got a billboard for him in Times Square. Congratulations. Happy birthday ! Because the draft was like right on his birthday. Right? And I was just like, so proud of this because like, I loved this person so much, I was so proud to be a part of like this whole journey. And then we went. So that was June, I think, June, July, and then we went to the Cayman Islands for my birthday and my birthday's in August. One week, my family was their second week. Like all my friends were coming. Family was leaving. And it was like one of the last days. Mom and dad were there and he had taken a video of Chloe and they could post it on his Snapchat story. She was like singing and dancing. And dad was like, Oh my god, I want that video. And I was like, Oh, I, I got it. I was like, I'll just send it to you. And I'm never the type to go through someone's phone. If I have to go through your phone, I shouldn't be with you to begin with. And once you get to that point, it's only going to go downhill. Exactly because it drives you crazy. So I had his password just from like using his phone, but nothing. I've never gone through it. And so I went to a Snapchat to save the video. Send it to myself. I pulled up Snapchat and there was a blue arrow and it was a girl's name and the message hadn't been opened yet. So I was like, Hmm. Interesting. So I swiped, and she had saved the whole conversation. Oh, and it was. I love you. I miss you. If I wasn't with someone, would you be with me on and on and on? And I just remember being devastated because I had finally let myself, like, be fall in love with this person and be vulnerable. And I found this, and I will say it's the only time in my life I've ever seen Todd Chrisley speechless because this guy was dating. He was asleep on the pull chair when I saw these messages. I took a picture of them from my phone, satisfy them back down, went upstairs, packed up all his stuff, and my dad wakes him up and goes, Hey, buddy, like, s**t's about to go down and you're right at the center of it. Yes, he's on the loose, literally. And next thing I know they both come walk into the condo and I look at them and it's like, Hey, do you need the number for Delta Southwest American so you can get the hell out of here? Go your dad. Literally his mouth like, drop him was like, Oh, I like picturing this. Yeah, like, he was speechless. And. He did all the personal data, did all the crying bag and what, you know, I was like, OK, like as long as you say nothing, hap- whatever. Yeah. And then this girl and I became friends, right? To this day, we are still friends. We go back and forth on social media because it wasn't like it's the person in the relationship. It is their fault. Like, my man's wandering all up over on you. That's that's on him. Like that. That's not on you. Yeah. And so I at first I had anger towards her, but then I was like, Wait, this is it on this girl? We're both actually kind of hurt right now. So it's not on her. It's on him. But also to I want to preface it by like, this is also a guy who he should have never been in a relationship with me. Like I had grown up so fast and he didn't, and he was now signing a contract with the NBA. Literally 12 15 million dollars at a signature came from not much and now has all of this. Money and money will change people, honey. Yes, it will. And two, I just think it was. I honestly feel for him. I do. And it's because there was so much being thrown at him at one time. He had fame, fortune, all these things like I slowly grew into it. Right? Not doing thrown into it. He was just thrown into a lion's den. And good luck. Yeah. And so I wish he would have had enough respect to say, Hey, I, I can't be in a relationship now. I can't. But. You know, it's like I said, that's been the hardest one for me to let go of. And even after he signed to the NBA, the hardest part of the whole thing was you have these men out here that want to keep like dangling something in front of you because they know that you love them. So it's like, Hey, I don't want to be with you. But but like, why don't you come fly to? Yeah, do that, Dallas to see me when we play the Mavs or to Houston when we play the Rockets, whatever. And I'm like, No. I told him I was like, If you want to see me, you can come to me. And like, we can figure this out. And literally, it just breaks my heart that people look at marriage as like they don't look at it as serious as they should. Because I'm telling you this guy, he's going to go through a divorce, right? It's going to like, because holy union, you know, he was messaging me trying to get me to meet him when they played against the Mavs. Oh, days before he got engaged. Literally. And then after getting engaged. What's still? Attempting to message me. Yeah, and like I was like, I told him, I was like, Hey. Make sure that you're doing the right thing. Make sure this is it right. And I'm glad you brought this up because I think this was like one of the main things I wanted to hit on was like protecting yourself as a woman and as a stay at home mom, which I didn't really talk about. But it's like, you know, you mentioned that my husband or ex, whatever was well off. We've always lived way above our means. It's always been like having all these nice things and we could pay for it. But we'd be in debt for a little while, then pay it off, you know what I mean? Like, we were never like just out here thriving. Just money, you know, money to blow all the time. But one of the things that I see happen and I realize that I'm not unique is that in a lot of relationships where there is a stay at home mom or just like a little show pony wife is that when the man does get his doctorate or come into some money, finally they are done. And guess who's left there with the child with no credit, no job, no way to fend for themselves, like nothing is in my name. The only thing that's in my name is the house, but my but my name isn't on the mortgage, on the loan. And so I don't know if I'm going to be able to refinance. Why? Because it's, you know, told me I couldn't get credit cards, that my credit wasn't right and I didn't. I just trusted those things. And you can't let I think to one thing you're getting at is like, you can't let the love that you have for someone cause you to be stupid. Yeah. Or just so dependent. Yeah, that you have like just it's it's sad that I'm at this place now and it's not like this in all relationships. I'm not saying you can't trust your partner, but don't be an idiot. Yeah. You know, I was, I was. I was completely dependent and had nothing to fall back on. And now I'm in a position where financially like, I am a hustler, I'm going to work and I'm working my butt off. Yeah, and I hang out with people that do the same. Yeah. And so, yeah, that's that's all I wanted to say on that. It's just like, if you're a stay at home mom, it's not all it's cracked out to be. It is a difficult job and I don't think there's a ton of respect for it, as it should be so valued and respected. So just take care of yourself, do your research and cut it up. Make sure you're on the loan. Make sure your name's on that title, honey. One thing I've learned is I'm not going to allow my love to cause me to be dumb. And I think that we've both taken that away from the past few years, and I'm just so blessed and grateful to know you and to have you on my podcast and to tell your story because it's going to touch so many people, I hope. Addiction is a real thing. Like you said, it's real. You struggle, and for you to have like, that's the biggest accomplishment for you. Yeah. Besides Nash's recovery, yeah. I mean of, you know, his own recovery. Like, yeah, mine is is a great accomplishment and nobody should be ashamed of that. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody's got their stuff. If you as as people say, you know exactly. And pain is a touchstone of all spiritual growth. So everybody's got something. Well, I love you. I love you. Thank you. Thanks. Hi, I'm Alice Myers. I'm a content creator and comedian. You might know me from TikTok. Why am I in your ears right now? Well, that's a great question I would love to tell you. I have a new podcast called Funny because it's true on my show. I'll be interviewing comedians, pop culture icons and also just people I find really funny. We'll be talking about the awkward moments that keep you awake at night, because if you don't laugh, you cry, right? OK. Funny because it's true out now wherever you get your podcasts.
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