The World of Phil Hendrie

Transcript

Well, in this episode, very funny stand up comedian Philippe Esparza comes in and we talk, man, I could deepen some strip club talk and beyond. Also, Paul Lee, a stand up is going to be in the news as well, and we'll do all that right after this. Pluto TV is as easy as it is free, and it's totally free. With over 300 channels and thousands of TV shows and movies, finding what you love has never been easier. Just open the app and something good will already be plain because it's curated by real humans who love TV as much as you do. So you'll spend a lot less time scrolling and a whole lot more time watching. That's why Pluto TV is TV the way it should be. All you need to do is download the app and start streaming Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. And from Carolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla show. Adam's guest today comedians Philippe Esparza and Paula Lia. Plus the news and trending topics with Chris Lawrence. I'm on it now. Adam Carolla is his name. Bold adventure is his game. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. iTunes is getting ready to kick it on, man. Thanks for tuning in. And still the friend Felipe Esparza back in studio. What's up, everybody? What's a fool? What's up, fool? Wait, is a fool, fool fool. Yeah, no, no. Yeah. But the live dates say the big food, your big food tour or L.A. or, Oh, I know I've gotten into this with my Hispanic American comedian friends. This this term of calling everybody a fool to invade America West Coast thing now. Is it a West Coast there? I don't know. I feel it's disparaging, you know, the fool. What I do with depends how you say, like, you know, there was some fool, am I doing? But in the beginning, Jack was such a fool. There's two different ones. All right. A girl comes in with big blue. Oh yeah. All right. So let me just get this straight. If I ran into you just at an IKEA, you would say, Oh, what's up? All right. But then if you came out like a parking lot, I was trying to break in your car. You'd say, Oh, to for a fool. OK, so it's a different feel. OK. Yeah, I've noticed this a lot. And is this a West Coast thing? Is the West Coast thing because they don't say too much in Texas or up north in the Bay Area? Is it more like hello? Would it be? Would it be safe to say that Fool is Hispanic? What black is the dog? No, I think black people say, What's our food too? Oh, they do. Yeah, they they started it and we took it. Oh, you appropriated and we are. We took your man since they were in Pendleton. So we'll take the What's our fool? Oh, and the world around the driver low rider. So we borrow from each other. I think you can tell a lot about we took their zoot suits from them and they took our penalties from us. Oh, they took your shirts? Yeah, the trade. I mean, the good trade off. I always feel like you tell a lot about a culture by their how they choose to modify their cars because you take the Germans. All they do is mess with their car so the cars go faster. Mm hmm. They put turbochargers on and wings and big brake kits, and they're constantly trying to squeeze an extra couple tenths. A second analysts cars and then the Mexicans go, We need to slow this car down. You law and man when to lower it and slower it. Low and slow, low and slow. Because hot rods are not low right now. Hot rods are low, but they're going to lower. Yeah, but they're low, but they don't come back up and then hop and s**t like that because that's just a bunch of extra weight. Yeah, yeah, man. I bet you are back in the day, added a low rider show and told her I would trying to find material, you know, for low riders. Mm hmm. Because there was a lot of low riders and there were the police officers there, such as open, there was a man the only didn't like who was a black and white one. But there was a lot of cars that didn't need to be low riders, you know, and there was a guy who had a nice Mercedes elected to back in 2004 2005 06. He looked like Mercedes Benz. But he took he. He repainted everything was Chrome and the the the interior man was made out of Burberry. Burberry. Yes. What's up, fool? And I was like, What the f**k? You know these guys and they're paying for braces for his kid, you know, and he's putting all his money on this. Well, the thing about the hydraulics, for instance, and the Burberry interior and all that stuff, it's a whole bunch of money. You're never going to get back. No, man. When you get like dating wire rims, spoked wire rims on your car and stuff, that's all just money that should be going into the kid's orthodontia. Yeah, my those twin is no, but they're clean. Yeah. Mm hmm. But do you have anything? No, I have no real writers. I have no cars. My wife doesn't drive in. I don't know my dryer. I get pulled over or I'm a bad luck man. Like if I were in a car and if you have something bad, you wouldn't have. I don't know about it. We're going to get pulled over because I'm in the car. Oh, really bad luck. Speaking of low riders, though, I saw there's. You know, the three minute documentaries on tick tock. It was one about Arabs, Saudi Arabia. And the the Saudis have low riders. Oh, really? Totally legal over there. You can't have a card at a certain date. So they go the rather low riders under the government's eyes. Mm hmm. So you can't really lower your car over there. So they're like, it's really illegal to have a low rider. I was watching TMZ the other week and I noticed you were on it. I was for a moment and then then the guy at LAX who was interviewing you. Oh, you spotted Chuck Liddell? Chuck Liddell? That's right. UFC legend and he he broke away, and I'm the one who spotted him. He interviewed me and I said, Look, man. Chuck Liddell, he ran over there. Oh, and then he came back and he came back away. We had a clip. Yeah, let's watch the clip. I don't know who this fool fool was with his microphone and camera, but will play it for hours on only fans that I had in my entire fighting. So UFC star Paige Van Zandt revealed that she made more money on OnlyFans. How much money she would like to make things like she's the hottest woman in UFC. So I had that story in mind when I went to Alex and I was looking for someone to talk to about it. And then, lucky me, I see Chuck Liddell. Only problem is I was interviewing someone else at the time. Pretty good, comedian Philippe. Yes, that's cool. You're on tour right now. Yes, I am on tour with Chrysler. We drove Chrysler. Chuck Liddell. I see Chuck Liddell and I'm like, I'm sorry, Philippe, he's going to die. Oh no. In the meantime, coke on the back page resigning because I'm. We actually do actually go on and I say, Chuck, do you have a plan? Would you ever be a Dan show little nudity on the Chuck's little brother? No. Thank you for that. Thanks for the offer, but not a great interview. And so I run down to Philippe. I apologize. That was good. Hey, sorry for leaving him in good. Perfect. You went back to Philippe after I go back, I say, Wow, that's cool, man. Or TV credit. Oh yeah, yeah, it's Hollywood. I'm going to see list. It's sloppy seconds, Esparza. I'm not. I'm not meeting them where they could be instead of me. Who'd? All right. I was at a historic game over the weekend. I went to I went to the Lakers game and watched LeBron scores 40000 point there, and I didn't know it and wasn't even you didn't know it. This is this could have been that game not and wasn't discussed with anybody who got me the tickets. All right, well, we'll we'll watch here's the play the I in the second quarter of this James against quarter drive spins, gets inside and. It's good left hand layup for LeBron James, the NBA's all time leading scorer, with another milestone not as big of a standing ovation as I would have expected. Yeah. So 40000, he'd be Kareem. Here's that crazy. So the crazy thing is, my daughter said to me, I want to go to a Lakers game like, I don't know, two weeks ago, right? And I said, Well, you know, I talked to Jay Moore and he's married to Jeanie Buss, and let's get a connection. I bet. I bet that could probably help us out. So I sent a text. And you know, you know, I don't know what to do with people because people do people go, you see these people and they go, Oh man, any time any game, just tell me every time James was in here, he invites you to L.A., right? And then if you do reach out to him, someone to go leave the guy alone. Well, I'm just doing what he said, and I'm not taking him up on his offer on this thing. And they're like, You don't have to bug Jay. And I should know that's what he said. So I sent Jay a text and I go, Hey, man, you know, my daughter like to go to a Lakers game and you know, you said any time. And so you know, you got something coming up, you know, help a brother out. And and I don't hear back from him for like four or five days like it gets ignored. And then. So I was kind of thinking about it like, all right, maybe I shouldn't have reached out to him or maybe everyone's reaching out to him or something. So then I say so then I get a text from Jay. Five days later, and it's just like, Hey, brother, what's going on? It's, you know, just just say it's a boy doing. Yeah. And so now I'm like, is he responding to my text or is he just kind of randomly saying, what's going on? So you know what? I go old school, I call it. And I go, Hey, man, thanks for saying hi. Did you get that text I said about going to a Lakers game? And he goes now because I was this old. No. Oh, this is new. No. Oh no. So he just checks in on you. Like, I just checked in, but I was trying to connect the dots because, you know, we're friendly but doesn't check in, you know, periodically. And so I said, Oh, well, you know, I sent you a text about going to a Lakers game, and then he goes, I want to take my daughter Lakers game. This is like going to suck on a Thursday and and Thursday night. And then I go, Oh, he goes, Oh yeah, any game? Come on down. Hang out. And I go, Oh, OK, well, hold on. He goes, Come this Saturday and I go, Whoa, whoa, hold on. I because I got check for my daughter now. And so I hang up the phone with him. And then I called my daughter and it's like, What's up, fool, you know? And the nice way. Yeah, full check this out and I go, Can you? You want to go this Saturday to the Lakers not knowing it's a historic game? And she goes, no, they'll be playing, no fool. I'm going to be in Santa Barbara, so I'm not going to be around, so I was like, Oh, OK, so I better hit Jay. But before I hit Jay tickets and VIP parking and an invite to the, you know, patio, the pre-game, you know, free booze and food sushi thing just show up on my phone. So now. I'm like, well, I can't take my daughter because she's out of town. I don't really want to call Jay and tell her to take the tickets back. You got to find a plus one. Yeah, so so I get hold of my son and I say, Hey Fu, you know you want to go to the Lakers game? I deserve. He doesn't say anything. Jay doesn't say anything. Nobody says anything. We go to the game. We go sit with with Jeanie and Jay and see Kurt Rambis and and the whole nine yards, eat the sushi, get the free drinks and everything. And it's not until we sit in our seats do we look up and see that it's that LeBron is nine points away the countdown on the Jumbotron? Yeah, the countdown on the Jumbotron, not, not a word was said before that. Maybe it's a superstitious thing, you know, you don't talk about it. I no one said anything, but it was a very historic game for his 40 thousandth point, which no one has ever got to. I don't know if anyone's going to get to. Yeah, I've been to the point where every time he touched the ball, everyone's cell phones just came home. Yeah, that's that's what happened. And then at some point we're just sitting on our seats and I looked up and Bill Simmons and his wife were standing there because they spotted us. And then. Looked up again and Byron Allen was standing there, so it was a it was a good night. I had a thing. I don't know where you guys are at. With this, but I feel maybe Philippe is not the guy to talk to about this, but I feel like people make too big a deal out of driving. Driving one, like all, I have to go to the gate when I'm in Malibu. Oh yeah, the crypto's in downtown. Oh, it's busy. My son's in La Canada. I got one VIP parking pa*s. That's nice. And I'm like, Which is great, but I'm tell the boy, you got your license, get in your nice car and come get Dad Malibu and then and it's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'll let you sit. It's going to be worth your s**t in air conditioning. You got to get a massage, your seat heater in your your leather adorns seats, and all this guy's doing is listening to his playlist. Then the entire time with all his favorite tunes, what is the big what it's about driving? What? What is it? What I drove beat mini pickup trucks f**king all over the place with bed sheets and no air and no heat. Let's do the minutes here. How long would it take for him to get from his house to crypto? And then how long does it take for him to get three hour trip? And I've added a good lease that I've added at least forty five minutes one way, and then you've got to turn around and go back down to the crypto and then I want to ride back. Of course, too, and this is now all receipts like that. You deserve it. It's a lot of driving. Yes. And we had great seats. I didn't know where the seats were going to be amenities. I did a free food. I mean, he was loading up. They had all the had great food back there. You know, whatever. I pay for anything. It was awesome. The dude, did you get that picture of the guy sitting in a seat in front of me somewhere? I happened to me two times at the at the Lakers game. No, no. The other one. First I got a guy with a giant afro. The time I go, we go to Kobe Bryant Memorial Night, right? And then the Kobe Bryant Memorial Night was a guy with the biggest afro in the world just sitting in front of me. But I had Sideshow Bob in front of me and I couldn't f**king see. I wanted to buy a comb and part his hair so I could see. And he's even obstructing a few more by waving some sort of heat wave in the Kobe towel around. And then this time I get there. I got we got great seats were about three or four rows back. Yeah, we're right. We're right at the mid court. I mean, you can see everything. It's actually better than being on the floor. You see more. You can you can see the whole, the whole game. It's incredible. But the guy in front of me starts the game off and you can find Byron. I'll find the picture you had. The guy starts the game off by sitting on top of his seat, like when the seat, the bottom seats folded up, sitting on top of that edge. His head is two and a half feet and his back and shoulders are two feet higher than your. And I'm just staring at the guy's back and I'm like, I don't know what etiquette is here like, do I throw something at him? No, I tap him on the shoulder and go, Hey, man, you. You do know there's a whole bunch of people behind you who are looking the same direction and it's down and we're all looking at your f**king shoulder blades. What? How does this work and do we need to like a class in high school? I'd like to see etiquette like you're not allowed to sit on. Not on top. Yeah. The seat was folded up and he sat on the edge, which can't be that comfortable. He probably had a big time him run itching stuff into his mattress. We didn't think about that. Yeah, I didn't believe that possibility. Due to your right and the dude to your left, you came there with you to go, Hey, bro, how about bring it down from altitude here? There's other human beings who have entered this arena who would like to watch the game. In this case, you have to say something to say something. But then again, this is a perfect example of what can't Adam complain about free tickets to the Laker game? That's right from Jay Moore and Jeanie Buss, you know, and the guy. There's one guy in the entire arena sitting on top of his seat, and it's the guy directly in front of me, sort of high chairs up for babies, so please sit down. So I sat there just kind of going well. On one hand, this is horrible, but on the other hand, I find it amusing, like, is this guy going to sit on the edge of his upright seat for this entire game? How long is this? Is this going to go on? I mean, as a as a short guy, this is this is something I deal with a lot. This is unacceptable. Yes. And yeah, Steve should be sorted by height. That that is a fair question to ask him. You could have just said, Hey, are you going to sit on top of your seat the entire game because we're all going to have to do the same thing? The biggest game, if you do. Domino effect. So I just sat there sort of musing about it for about five minutes and then I'm like, Oh, LeBron, sneaking up on 40000, am I going to have to watch forty thousand on my phone because this guy is sitting on top of a seat? And right, as I was getting ready to make my move, he slid down and popped pop down to two regulation height. And I didn't have to say anything. But this is how the game started. A guy sitting with his shoulders, three feet above everyone else's shoulders. And again, I feel the same way about the dude with the turquoise ostrich cowboy boots who leaves the house. I don't blame him. I blame his wife. The people around you need to go, Hey, Fool, where the f**k are you going in those boots? And no, hey, put your a*s in the seat. There's people behind you who like to watch the game. Your Highness, put your f**king a*s down, like, where's your dudes? How come there's no policing for the dude? He looks s**tty by association. I'm not doing it. Oh, that's your game. And they're are playing the Mets and there's a lady with a baby next to me. And then the baby was kicking in my tie, which was changing. Let's just changed him. Yes. Then the baby's old chocolate, a hot dog. Oh no. They went to the old remedy of trying to get the hot dog out, pounding his back leg. Yeah, hitting the s**t out of his back. And finally, the hot dog spit out. But down the baby was kicking me another time. Those the guy that was screaming like he was thirty for three years old. Let's go dog right in my ear. My hair was moving like even when the doctor weren't batting. Let's go Dodgers. Then I told my, You just shut the f**k up man, but doesn't even f**king batting for and now his boss. If you don't talk to my son, he's autistic. And I said, Let's say a bit, I don't give a f**k. Your son is a f**king baiter. He's just shut the f**k up. Yeah, should give given that guy f**king hot dog that joke on, right? Yeah, I know I had to. Do we need I mean, do we need an attic? Maybe we need a high school etiquette class that says there are other human beings who exist, and sometimes you end up in the same space with them. And when that happens, here are the rules. Yeah, but you don't need to do a fancy dance. You don't need to wear those fancy pants to do is be yourself. And that's right. Wah wah wah z. That's right. This is the byproduct of telling everyone the new golden rule is you be yourself and you'll be cool. This is exactly what we've done. We've created a f**king society that is a society filled with individuals, and the individuals are the coolest and they're number one and they're all part of the self-esteem movement. So why not just sit on top of my chair and block other people's views because I am doing it? It's it's the beginning of the end. Oh, here's something for you, Philippe, I think modified. We're talking about modified cars. I was walking around the block around here, and I kept passing this car that had been modified and they put stickers on the window. A lot of people, I think maybe Hispanic folks, this isn't a white guys move. They like to express a lot of their feelings through what's going on. There's stickers on their car, you know, white guy version of it is we have to keep on trucking. Yeah, that's the old one. Then we got Hobbes or Calvin taking a piss on the shabby bow tie because you're a Ford guy, you know? And then we do the truck nuts. Well, hang the knots off the differential on the back. That's like white guy stuff. But but Mexicans do the rolling memorial. Oh yeah, they do that thing. We're like. Rest in peace, Joey. It's weird, man. Like, I saw one man where he said the truck is dedicated to a dead person. Yes. So who was right in that s**t? You know, you get behind these dedicated to Ricardo Salinas. Bold 1978 died in 2002, right? Failure. And you start getting depressed because you do the math. You go, Wait a minute. Guy was born in 91. Damn die die in 2011. The f**k he was. Twenty two. You know what I mean? Lucky. I don't want the dates. I don't want the dedications. I don't want the rolling memorial on there that you guys did. Or sometimes you know how the relationship is going and by the minivan. Right. They have the whole family to take care of the mom, the dad, you know, dog peeing. Yeah. And the reason why I saw one were the, I guess, the lady she was. She scratched or the dad? Oh, so you let everybody know she's single, man. Yeah, yeah. The other one, the other one the Hispanics would always do on the construction site, I said, have big decals of a Brahma bull on the door. They had these big Brahma bull decals on the side of their pickup truck. Yes, I finally said one of the labor. I was like, What the f**k's with the stickers of the cars like a big, like life size head? Yeah, Big Brahma bull stickers on the side. Why are you trying to draw so much attention of what you're into on your vehicle? Well, under the radar told me, he goes, he goes, Hey, Foo, he goes where they're from. That's a sign of prosperity. It's like having heads of cattle and brahma bulls and stuff. And it's like, I go, Yeah, where? Where I'm from a Ford F-150 with two hundred and fifty thousand miles on it and Bondo all over the fenders. That's a sign of failure. Yes, when you say the f**kin stickers of cows, you won over your piece of s**t, F-150 Blondeau, you got Bondo and primer one and the bad. The bad color doesn't match the cab color and the side of prosperity is driving a f**king BMW seven Series without a sticker of a cow on it. You need to explain that to your people. I don't know, man. Like Homer Lane after 911, a lot of people in my neighborhood there were put in Go USA Go USA stickers, but expired tags, you know, to just draw attention. I remember I read a bit about somebody said, we need a I said, we need a Latino transformer. It should be up to mid primer at the top of the traditional transformer. Yeah, Bondo Primus here. Yeah, that's right. But what is like have you seen, I'm pretty sure, cars. There's a lot, man. I don't know if it's a. It could be a landing brought into the hustle man, we have a big hustle or you're driving and you and sound as though it happened on San Fernando Road or Mission Road in Boyle Heights. You're driving. There's some homie pulls over like a guy with a tank top with Hulu, like the Mexican Tupac Shakur. He wanted to park. You know, and he goes, Hey, Hobbs, hey, Holmes. Well, so few homes. I can fix those dance. Oh yeah. Who are you talking about? I can fix those f**king dents. Right? But his car more dented. Yeah. You know his experience? Yeah. So I passed this car and I took a picture of the window. I think we have it somewhere. He's he's a guy's lamenting, we got that Byron somewhere. Yeah. Or not, they should have it, I should have it. He's looking at what he's looking. All right. Well, there's only can only be one picture of a car window. That's that's what I'm saying. Well, they should have it. You, I have a car painted like pinata man. When somebody crashes into me, candy is going to come up this this. This car was painted like a pinata high bar, and you should have it. Or maybe Chris is sending it now. I'm sending it. I'm reselling it. But we sent it the first time. Yeah. All right. Well, there are only so many pictures. You got Byron of a car window. So I figure like a car model. You do you do you do any modifications? You keep yours kind of under the radar to whenever you get cars right? I just drive the plane as most basic thing I can find and leave them the f**k alone. The potholes are too too big in L.A. to be getting that 30 series, low profile tyres and expensive rims and stuff. You dent a s**t out of your rims. You know that my friend. I was doing a store in the bay and I run into that comedian Ralph Barboza. Oh yeah, you should get him on. He just. You know, he got into a lot of money and he bought a bunch of them for that. The with a car of the SS car was called super supersymmetry. Yes, they can import Al Saval when a car low. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like four of them. And when we run off, he was how would they know I was? You know, he he he he won. He won one in a in a raffle. He won a cheval. Yeah. SuperSport says all black and whites only win those. Yeah. And if you look little, was he won? Rob Barbosa, he won a Chevelle man, a black one, and he looked at his mom's cartilage, an old. I don't know what kind of where was the mama of Prince Prince? So he speaks in like six cars at one time or no good for him. Hey, boss, yeah, they are a super sport and they had a rally sport, the SS and the RC. Do you know the difference? No, not really. They're junky American. Sorry, no. No offense to your friend who doesn't know s**t about cars, but they're junk. They're just American junk. It's just great community for people don't know anything about cars. Nobody. Nobody likes that. All right. Where's my g*****n picture? All right. Well, put it up, Byron. That's good. All right. I need you to take a look at this and maybe zoom in looking at the the rear quarter window quarter when we have a car that's been heavily modified. But maybe we can blow it up a little because I can't really read it here. It's got a card and it's playing card with a Playboy Bunny Playboy Bunny on it. That's like bleeding underneath it says it's over with broken hearts. Oh my god, I'm right. I miss us. I miss us. And then read 11:11. So it's like a text message. Read at 11:11. I miss us. Oh, that's the day. I thought it was like a Bible verse, Bible verse. But no, it's it's a text bubble. So that means a person who read it right? And then it says, f**k it. Broken, broken and then broken heart. OK, how much about your personal relationship do I do? I need? You can't decide on your car. This is worse than the rolling memorial. Philippe. I got super depressed. I was walking around the block. I walked around like three times. That's trying to get some exercise and I got more and more depressed reading the side of this guy's car. I started wondering if he was suicidal. How's this person ever going to move on? How what about the new gal you pick up saying, Yeah, she's reading this manifesto on the side of your car? And then I didn't even know, did he make all this s**t himself? Is there? Is there a looks pixelated hard with a with a playboy bunny on it that says it's over and I miss us and f**k it broke? And then Matt is this guy. It was a dude, dude, because about the fourth time I passed around, I did see a dude standing out there and I just want what's up. So what does that mean, though? Read 11:11. Yeah, so it's read aloud. So you know, when you get when you send a text and somebody reads it and it shows you that it was read, I thought he made a wish. And 11:11 11:11 is when you make a wish, sell or a tie, which makes it even more fun at that time. I don't have my glasses off. I said Romans 11 11. I thought I thought it was a Bible verse, too. But the point is is how much about you? Do I need to know from the side of your car if I pull up next to this guy on the freeway and we're driving and I look over and I see this, I'm hitting the gas and putting him away in my room. Yeah, he's a broken man. Problems? Yes, I'll write down his license plate. Yeah. So now they're the ones that pass along the information, like the hot chick ones where they go spoiled, but worth it. But I like I like this flag. Yeah, the conveyance. Or we're a princess. Yeah, princess spoiled. But where that and the greatest one man? I swear to God I I was like twenty three drive my pickup truck around at the depths my girlfriend dumped me, had nothing, was making eight bucks an hour on a construction site and I pulled behind some hot chick and like a Miata or something on the freeway. And it said her license plate frame said, Yes, I do, but not with you. Then I remember looking at it like nodding. Like, I was like, Yeah, there's no f**king way she'd have anything to do with me and my bench seat. I no air conditioner meant lumber rack. I but I. But it's a weird thing like, yes, I do, but not with you. And there'd be like, there'd be like, like, like my friend Ray had a shirt with a pig in a cop outfit on it, and he was throwing the finger and it said, Have a nice day, a*****e. And I just like, I don't know, like the guys have the bumper stickers that say like, f**k off and die. Like, What do you spread? What are you pushing into the universe? Like everyone behind me? Can you? What if there's some kid bad? What does it mean? What's a kid with like leukemia who is nine? He's being driven to one. Of his cancer treatments are something he's got to sit there and read, f**k off and die. Dylan Mean, or some veteran who just buried his dog or something like that. You do have to talk. Oh, do you feel like what are we doing? We're just at the back of your car. Millions of people see it over the course of the years you drive this car and all this traffic in L.A. What? Why is this? Is this a cry for help or are you trying to spread depression? It seems like it. I want to put comic for hire and put the real number. Oh, I want. I never did that, but I did. Do, I did. When I was at the depths of unemployment, when I was like 18 and a half, I had no jobs. I couldn't get a job anywhere. I made a sign that said, you know, cheap gardener. And I put my phone number on it and I put it on Coldwater Canyon, on a on a telephone pole and the pull tabs now. Now, just so you could see it in your car because you're going, you're driving, OK, and you're in traffic. And I waited about a week and I didn't get any phone calls, and then I went back up to check it out, and I realized that screwed up my phone number. All right. I wrote the wrong number. I got to reread. I had to redo it. And then eventually I did get a call from from somebody who wanted me to come to their house and mow their lawn for, like $4. You know what? I see a lot of trucks like come people. I like people to tell you what part, what state of Mexico they're from. So you might see a trailer has all Sinaloa on or or my where my dad's from Nyeri. What's what are they known for over there? Nayarit? I don't know. Man, I haven't been in a long time. You didn't interact with that person. I did. Like your story and explanation about why there were so many half finished structures in Mexico with no roof. That was that. That was that was illuminating and clarifying for me because I always would drive to Mexico and I would always see all the cinderblock shells with no roof. And I would say as a carpenter, I would go, I got all the cinder blocks or the Mexicans did all the cinderblock that had all the cement. They did all the masonry, they did all the stucco, but they weren't really the carpenters. And I was like, I guess they're doing all the masonry s**t, but they're not carpenters. They don't have wood over there. Where's the roof? But you explained it. Yeah, man didn't want to pay the property tax on that house. They don't. They have to finish it so they keep it incomplete and everything else works. But then they put like a winter that you put like a tarp there, because that's all over South America, too. It's not just Mexico. Oh, really? Oh, loophole, I, you know, see? So the thing is like, I'm so glad you explain that one of the times you're on the show because it always vex me. I'm like, You should go to all this time doing the hard work which is building the cinder block walls, door openings, window openings, everything. I look for dirt, floors, dirt and there's no roof. But what did you do? Did you just get into this and run out of money? Are you out of wood or what the f**k is going on? It was made without a working restroom in the restroom and like, right outside. Oh, really? So is not really a home and no garage. So everything is to kind of cheat the taxman, sheep, everybody. Philippe also knows they keep their dogs on the roof. Yeah, man. Oh yeah. Woof, woof. That is a Mexican also. Also, man like barbed wire, they just break gla*s. Yeah. And they glue it on the wall. Yeah, they just take in that busted glass and just mortar it on the top of the cinderblock. Not a good sign, but I will tell you a Mexican Mexican, they can make a fence out of anything. Yeah, man. You see pallets piled up, old car doors and sheet metal and traffic signs and stuff like that. They literally like building like a barrier. We're the MacGyver. Yeah. Yeah, you're like poor MacGyver. Yeah, man. It's funny, man. Like, I remember like now when like the new immigrants that are coming in from Venezuela and they're from El Salvador, you know, and down in Honduras, and they come in hungrier than they're Mexican now, so they're taking a lot of the Mexican jobs. Hmm. We need a wall in South America. We're going to make America great for Mexicans again. Yeah, yeah. Because there's always someone to undercut. Yeah, man. And they're hungry. Yeah. Like my, my, my, my wife's brother. He has a construction company in Ohio and some little a*s challenge. I can't even do that best by little, by Gord in Ohio. You know, it's some. And most of his workers are from Venezuela. Really? Yeah. The guy that taught him my my, my other cousin in law about electricity. He was from Bolivia. Hmm. Somalia, we know our s**t. We know how to make it. But we don't require electricity from someone's house. Yeah, you guys are bad wiring. You see a lot of places that can smaller wherever. There's no running water. They have electricity, but a bunch of wires everywhere. It's not up to code. Not up to code, man. Oh, there is no code. There's no double that door heights. Like when we go down to Margarita's Village in Tijuana on revolution and you go down first off the stairs, nothing was regulation. And then the door was like five foot 11. You'd whack your head on it. It's scariest place to get drunk because you're going to get punked. I've had fun. I know I know this too. Like when I went to Amsterdam, one of the things they told me when I read there was be careful use there because all the streets are very uneven. Yes. And you may be walking like a five inch stab in the nose, or maybe six inch three inches. Isn't that a city for people with bad f**king ankles? Bad? Yeah. Yeah, Mexico is the same way. Also, Mexico, least Tijuana would have this thing where they would form the curb, but they didn't put the sidewalk up behind it. So you'd step over the curb at night with no street lights and step into a f**king whole different district. I said, What's up? What's up, fool? They'll probably tell us stuff like, Oh, that's different district. That's not part of my district. So we don't like if you don't like, come out in Tijuana. And I went to a place called Hong Kong, and it's it's a strip, the one of the 10 strip clubs in and that that street off a revolution. Yes. And that street is like marigold. You know, it's lit up. There's constantly people there 24 hours. Hmm. But then you go like the next block man, you could buy a goat. Yeah, like it was. It was dark. Do you ever go to the Unisoc? Ever go to the Unicorn Strip club? I never tell. No unicorn, a strip club just toward the US. Chicago? Did they see? I used to go way back in the day and they didn't have music. They had a band, but the band was crazy. The band was like average age. Eighty two year old Mexican dudes, a horn, a guitar and just like a snare drum and the chick would come out, the chick would come out and they've got three blowing on the horn, you know, more more. And I got it from the Blues brothers, like behind the chicken wire. So f**king bad and the chicks. The strippers would come out and they'd kick dudes in the face and they'd go high because the guys would be drunk and like reaching reaching on them. No touching, please. Oh, except for you could lay down some money, any pussy on stage? Yeah, I've seen that done. It was done. I called it a taste of old Mexico. Yeah, and I was like 17 from North Hollywood. Got what the f**k is going on in this place? That's to put her foot on the table off the stage, one foot on the stage, one foot on the table and mash dude's head right into her crotch. Good old days. I mean, I was like, This is a lawless utopia. Yeah, here's the roof in this, I think is enough. Sexual sex shows are illegal in America, right? Yes. But I went to one in in San Francisco back in the day at the old Mitchell Theater. Mm hmm. And bro, that place was like, Mexico's cool. You know, it's you know what he said. But this play was like organized sexual again run by a mob or the Mitchell brothers. There it is, bro. I went in there, man. They had like five sex shows. One of them, I think they really are one of them was ever Cisco. They do it. We would have been doing one of them with the team. We were sitting at a table like this and then a girl came in with a blanket. And then she was doing her little dance and have you give her money should her blanket and cover herself from everybody else and give you a little private show and whatever you want? Then it was another one where it was just four guys and two girls are doing stuff and they give you a flashlight to look at them because it's really dark and you only get a flashlight one hand. And then after a while before the flashlight looking in the sky, you look, maybe. Yeah, but this is how I was getting there. We were in a section where we were watching. In a big porno on a big screen, and there was girls walking around asking him, You want a table dance? And I said, Sure, Mallet, okay. Then she will dance, give me a lap dance. Then she goes, Jasmine, what do you do for a living? I'm a comedian. If I'm a comedy, do comedy because you heard of a comedian named Neil Hamburger. And I said, Yes, no, I haven't have it. So she's telling me Neil Hamburger jokes, you know, had them. And then she took. She puts a glove on my hand like a little glove. Sheila, what is that for me? You could put your fingers down anywhere you want in my body, in your body. And it's always like, you know, your finger banging, you know, with my glove and she's telling you she was like a surgical gloves or like a Michael Jackson type style glove now. Yeah. And then like, I saw it, if the glove fits, you must just, you know? So she's. So she's like telling me, Joseph, give me a hand job bra right there. Is she wearing a glove? She's wearing a glove to man. It very safe. Uh huh.. That's what I ask for. And of course, she said, No, I'm I'm on my period, but I'm like, Dude, we're just sexual. Bad. Yeah. Blood in blood out of me. You asked for sex? Yeah, I asked for sex. Not because. But then she said it was like she said, she says, I know what kind of girl do you think I am? How dare you? She slammed those who mess. It was good with all cookies, and she was really on her period. I don't know. Well, your finger blasted a little teabag. Oh, the mike broke with. I think it broke off. That's right. Just hold it like your Bert power. Hold it at this. Wow. Yeah, man. So that's why I got a lot to learn your hamburger. She's like a hamburger helper spreading the word. All right. The glove. Yeah. So that was the Mitchell did it. It's still open. Now the clothes were covered, so so that the deal is as they give you a glove and they go, you can give me a finger blast as long as you're wearing the glove. Yes, that's all those rules that were in that place. And then they'll go, we'll give you a hand job, but I got to wear the glove. Yes, you wear gloves to new glove, different glove. So if I like being molested by a doctor? Yeah. Wow. Like a free clinic. How long did it take you? Did you orgasm? I don't remember. But yes, you were ready. Maschere like chateau napkins to keep baby wipes. And it's like, I don't. I don't say this, that all people watching the movie and they can see that what was going on, they could hear what's going on there, like a little low ball to watch, a little booth behind a movie theater God. But they had, like some man, it was every type of woman within their man, like BBWAA. Man, who was your? Was your gal attractive? Yeah, she was, man. Sure, the next porn star that has cellulite 75 people in one night. Oh, she told you that I think she was gay. Jasmin Sinclair, I don't know. Gangbang record holder. Yes. And where do you think she is on her period? I don't. Yeah, she says that all the guys. Let me let me tell you, if Kevin Costner came in there, she wouldn't be on her period. It's all I know. All the characters know what occurred to. You know, I don't say this that often, but maybe the terrorists are right sometimes when they talk about our society. You know what I mean? Maybe they can make a point. That's funny. You say that when I saw a documentary where the when when a terrorist got really lighter, they got really mad at our culture. Mm-Hmm. It was like this Arab Saudi guy was. He came to study here in America back in the 50s, and he saw one of the women dancing in one of those sock hops. Mm-Hmm. And she would wear a tie sweater with a poodle skirt and because her boobs were like, really showing through her sweater. And that's when he decided that there's something wrong with the West. I want to get back now is booties everywhere. I'll take that baby. So, yeah, she has a napkin. She had the wet wipes. Yeah, she had the glove professional chin under the blanket, wet drive back Shop-Vac. I, I don't think I could orgasm. I think I would be, like, too distracted. I couldn't. I couldn't concentrate. But I was young and it was cool. OK. All right now, I probably would, and I would have to charge. I would have to lay a whole lot of stuff. Yeah, something like a friend. Yeah. Like, if Hamburger was there, I would have been able just giving this. Yeah, OK. All right. We need to take a break. We got some news. We got some more. Strip club talk. We got to fix Philippe's mic. Shout out to Nicolas and Cyril commerce, and we'll we'll do that right after this. Tommy John. Oh man. Guess who's wearing his Tommy John's right now? This podcaster super soft underwear, loungewear, pajamas. Give your private parts a whole new lease on life. Breathable, lightweight, moisture wicking fabrics that feel much more comfortable. And when you feel much more comfortable, you do everything better. Try blend and modal fabrics stretch four times more than competing brands. Tommy John moves 16 different ways. It's just the best. Once you get in your Tommy John's, your you're in. That's it. Plus, comfort innovations like a supportive hammock pouch and easy access horizontal quickdraw fly over 20 million pairs sold thousands of five star reviews. They're just the best. I literally it's all I've worn since I put on my first pair. Best parallel everywhere are three guaranteed Tommy John Right Dawson. Shop Tommy John and get 20 percent off your first order right now. A Tommy John.com/ Adam save 20 percent for a limited time and Tommy John slash Adam Tommy John.com/ Adam Seaside for details. Better help. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So what would you do with an extra hour in your life? Hmm, I'd probably end up sleeping. Therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it, and that's where better help comes in. You know, I'm a big fan of therapy. You know, I think it's very important because once you get your head on straight, the rest of life is pretty easy. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online convenient. It's flexible. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and you can get matched with a licensed therapist and a switch therapist. Any time, there's no additional charge, so make this the year you get involved with therapy and make sure you use better help. Right, Dawson? Learn to make time for what makes you happy with better help. Visit better outcomes. Lashkar Rolet today to get 10 percent off your first month. That's better help LP.com/ Carolla. My dad's crazy man, he's a hard working Mexican, you know, like the one you talk about in the news. I'm like the opposite of that. I'm the lazy motherf**ker. I don't know. One time they gave me the job during the interview and I was like, Whoa, whoa, wait. I'm not ready to start right now. When I got to the interview, I was nervous that they caught me lying. It felt like a f**king police interrogation. It says, Here you're a manager who said that she didn't see that s**t. How come you left your last job, I didn't leave them, and they f**king left me, bro. Philippe Esparza is on the Adam Carolla show. We've got dates, baby. It's going to be the funny bone Albini and that'll be March 15 through the 16th and then also Fremont Theatre. March 29 is going to be filming his fourth stand up special, coming up in Sacramento as well. You can go to Philippe's World dot com for all the dates and the live dates. Anything else? Go on in a strip club that we should know about Phillip Bay or sex show? And that was the only time I went to an asexual in San Francisco that was, do you like? I didn't think a top that afterwards, but. Not even A.J., no donkey shows. West Brom. Yeah, that's a. Urban legend. Well, no, no, it's not, but I guess the dance the Donkey Show must have been mixed up with a show that was done in Cuba during prohibition during the, I guess, when the mob was there, there was actually a donkey show, but no real donkeys should go. No, that this kind of show the guy in Godfather two is a guy that comes out with a Cape and Superman. And it was like a black Cuban guy. They show a little bit about him on Godfather two and when he says, Oh, Simon Ross when they were serious, Simon Ross in a play like this, but what's the name Nosal at the back of his hand? And when Michael Corleone knew that Fredo back stabbed him right there? Well, let me tell you, but there's a sexual, real sexual attraction. A real sexual. There is a donkey show. Oh yeah. Yeah, I what I look for, that's the elephant show. I look for the donkey show for a long time in Tijuana. Me and my friends that we walked every back street. Door to door, but if you go home to home, search never could find the donkey show. But Ed Carl Calderon came in here who's an expert? And it's a yeah, no see, you want to you want to cop whatever. He pulled his phone out, show me a picture and that was a donkey show as I do. Yeah, yeah. Can't confirm. Can confirm the donkey. Don't have sex with the woman. Well, they don't do it. They flip the donkey over. There you go. They grab its feet and flip on his back, and then she gets on top of the donkey. Peter would be very upset. Yeah. Her boyfriend must be upset, too, because you can't compete with a donkey. The first essential book I ever read you know about when you read about those sexual bulldozed naughty triplex books that used to be in the back of 7-Eleven in the late 70s, early 80s. I mean, I don't know how I got a hold of one, but I got a hold of one because I was a kid and I found it. Nobody really buys porn. When you're a kid, you find it. Yeah, but this was a this was a bestiality one. Oh, I did not know anything about bestiality. I was too young to know what I'm reading. But it was all like a woman having stayed with a horse and talking in detail about having sex with that horse. And then and another one with a dog. My mom found a book because she didn't know English, but she read it. Would you? Would you get this book? And I said, Know, no, this is, you know, my cousin. She'd even speak English. But did your mom scream me? We heard that the bureau was achievable. Yeah, I mean, but you know, you know, a guy named Larry Bubbles Brown? Yeah, Ma. Yeah, he's San Francisco. He goes, Yeah, he hit a joke. He said that. Yeah, my friend with having a check was she. He went to herd immunity. He's a strange dude. I met him and at cops man. Hours ago, yeah, I had a gay porn magazine. No dad found four. Yeah. So he probably thought I was gay, but he never said anything. But he must have assumed I was gay, but I wasn't gay. I just had this. Somebody gave me this. It wasn't a Playgirl. It was a no. It was like a porn pamphlet. It was like a gay porn pamphlet. Introduction Yeah. Well, I'll give you an example. Like, like when they have cars, they have car auctions like big car auctions, right? And they'll give you the big catalog book with all the glossy pages and everything you've seen around here. But if you show up to the auction, they'll give you like a cheater, a pamphlet. Yeah, you can go mark it up and go, Oh, my car's coming up and 12 cars or something to carry around with you. Yeah, that's it was kind of it was called Colt round up and it was like, you know, gay porn, but not like a big magazine, like a smaller thing. And I I wasn't gay, but I was sort of bi curious now checking into it. Now what was never bi curious, but I made an oath to never throw away porn. You know what I mean? And I looked at this as porn. There it is. You know what I mean? It's dude porn, but it's still porn. And I said I would never throw away porn. And. I got a lot of entertainment from it, because gay porn dudes. They put them in situations like with with chick porn. They just go get naked and lay on the bed. You know, just lay on the bed or just get naked and stay in there by, get in the bathtub and get naked. Whatever, dude porn. The dude has to pretend to have a job. So it's some dude named Toby. He's wearing boots and a cowboy hat, and he's like stacking hay. But his c**ks, I mean, the guy's heart wrenching on a Chevelle ss, but his dicks hanging out, you know, they they need jobs. That's right where all the strip clubs, the fantasy, when the dudes are firemen, the garage, they have jobs. Our thing is, you're dressed like a w***e, you're a w***e. You're laying on the bed, you're being kept. You don't have any money, you don't have a job. The job isn't part of the fantasy. The fantasy is you have no job b***hing. You're laying on this bed waiting for me to come home. Dudes want to fantasize about a dude with a job. So it's funny to see a dude. He's wearing construction boots, he's wearing a hard hat, and that's it. He's got toolbox on, but c**ks hang hanging out like we. So I'm looking at him. I go, Well, they have to know he's not a construction guy who just pull this c**k out. This is clearly doctored. There is that one. He was going to have an issue with this. Then there was a change in the shape the guy's dicks were in, which is they never had a full boner, but they were always shoved up. It was, yeah, there was hanging and they had a little glycerin on them and they were shined up a little and they were just there hanging. You know what? It's equivalent. It's like, it's like a dude. It's like in a movie. When Tom Cruise has to take his shirt off, he does. Twenty five sit ups to push ups, right, as like twenty five push ups. And then he stands there and pretends like, this is what I always look like, but he's got a big vein in his arm. You know, that's what they do with their c**k. They chop it up and then they let it hang or hang out. And that would be Toby. And then the thing that cracked me up as there was one dude. And his name was Clay. And he's where he looked like Dave Coulier. And he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and puka shells, and it was just a head shot of him. It was just a guy in a Hawaiian shirt like, Hey, I'm legitimately trying to get some guy and I I remember being our age. I as, like Klay, you think you're so hot? We don't need to see your c**k. You think you're f**king too good for this clip, but there's this guy just sitting there looking like Dave Coulier in a Hawaiian shirt. And I remember having a million thoughts about it, and I it worked. I hid it under my chair, under the cushion of my chair, and at some point it had been spotted, but no one said anything. So I think my dad, I don't know what's worse is gay porn now did like come regular metrosexual porn? Like, is there a porn called stepson stuck in dryer? Oh. Or stepsons dug him box because it's a porn called step mom stuck in dryer and it goes, I'm stuck in this dryer. And then the stepson comes in and rams over. All right, she's stuck in a toy. Yeah, or because there's also one called It's must be frescoed daughter swap. And there's a guy who like, you know, who like this guy Coulier, you know, and his daughter looks just like him. But then he hooks up with a guy who had more Italian looking, dark skinned olive oils. Can they have swap? They swap f**kin stepdaughters? I wonder, did you have for gay guys to like son swap? You know, swap, right? I don't. There has to be sort of swap or or bull or stepson or stuck in dryer. You know, was weird, too. There used to be porn magazines where there were either like hardcore sex hardcore, but they were posed so that chick would be blowing the guy, but like looking at the camera. Oh, it's it's a photo shoot. It's the photo shoot. But I always wonder, like, what are the rules? There's no motion blur. Yeah, no. I mean, she's not like the the chick is still blowing the guy, but she's like looking at the camera. And I don't know if on the shoot there's actual rules. You know what I mean? Or the guy's like, Well, how about a blowjob? She's like, Come on, I'm going to blow you. I'll just put your dick in my mouth or pose for the camera. Strictly professional. And they do sex poses, too, but they're posing, and I don't know. And then don't you think the guy would need a little help every once in a while, in which case she would have to, you know, put the glove on? Ever think about that? But the most hardcore sex magazine, even though the magazine did not have anything to do with the sex, was a magazine that did come out in the late 70s, later printing them now. It was called Detective Magazine, and the magazine is always a guy strangling a hot chick. Oh no, here's here's would be the cover because it'd be the same thing. It'd be detective or true detective who tell True Detective and they'd be in the 7-Eleven. He beat her next to the Lowrider Magazine, and the cover of it would be a chick whose blouse was ripped open and the guy had a stiletto. And he's putting it on the little bra wall connector for the two cops right in the middle, he's about to cut it. And it was like True Detective and then weirdoes could go, Oh, I can read about this chick getting raped. Right? Yes. Weird, right? Yeah. And it was an actual story with the guy got caught and it used to be that his she was walking home from her secretary job. Yeah, yeah. And there was it was for weirdos who got off to the notion of a chick right on the on the way home. Yeah, that's the nympho talked herself into a watery grave. The Nympho. This is like our truth. Yes. Yes. Weird. And that's horrible or bad. Yeah, very sad. The worst that we looked into the other day was, ah, the other day, three years ago. But remember, I was telling you how racist hustler was. Oh, and how insane all their cartoons were. Oh my God, whoever. You remember that I saw one where a girl as she's chopped off by a person of color or a black guy, and she says, I was still kissing my boyfriend goodbye. And it's her with her hands up and people peed on her mouths wide open. Her mouth is like Dizzy Gillespie, you know, blowing a horn. But it's a huge bro. She's getting rammed in right there. I saw one where a black guy came home and there was a giant c**kroach. f**king his black wife. Oh my God, a good one. And their best tell me that the c**kroach would let the Mexican guy. Now that's real good. They only did it with black people. Their best one was a white dude and a black dude, and they're just a drawing of them from the waist down with basketball shorts pulled around their knees. And it said it, said Magic Johnson. And it was a black guy, a huge c**k, and then said, Larry Bird. And it was a tiny white guy. And I remember him Typekit, 17, going, It's really not too shabby. That's not even one of the bad ones. No, that was that was even racist compared to the s**t they they did. That's hustler. A hustler, hustler had the most racist s**t. By the way, we're not talking about the 60s. We're talking about the 80s. Yeah. Punchline that one piece. What's the punchline on this? I can't read it from here, but it's it's for black people hanging out. Right, right? And the guys, one guys hold the can and come home from the I come home after a hard night of robbery, all my gang rape and murder, and she gives me a light beer. Have you ever tasted light beer? Oh yeah, it was on send up of an ad. Everything was. Everything was crime and big dicks. Yes. That's all. It was like the most crazy racist s**t and nobody said a thing. All the religious people were like, Well, Larry Flynt shouldn't show naked women. No one ever said a word about the crazy, racist s**t. Can imagine if that came out today, everyone would be wouldn't care at all about the nudity or the departure, and they'd be only about this. All right. Should we do a little news in this segment and then we'll we'll do some news. I we'll take a break and then we'll do some news. All right. We'll take a break. We'll do some news right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla and this is Dr. Drew. We are changing things up for the new year and we want you to end the week with the two of us. That's right. Brand new episodes now on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of each week. So sequentially. Thank you. And Mahalo. Pluto TV is as easy as it is free, and it's totally free. With over 300 channels and thousands of TV shows and movies, finding what you love has never been easier. Just open the app and something good will already be plain because it's curated by real humans who love TV as much as you do. So you'll spend a lot less time scrolling and a whole lot more time watching. That's why Pluto TV. Is TV the way it should be? All you need to do is download the app and start streaming Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Paceman Conrad from Arkansas. You think Elvis was still alive, that he'd find Steven Seagal or do you think they'd be friends? You know, they're both honorary black belt and the same weight cla*s. Get it ! You can leave us a message at eight eight eight six three four one seven four four. There'd be an interesting question. I don't think Stephen is an honorary black belt. They use a legitimate black belt before speedo, right before he got into movies and everything. I think I think the Elvis is a little more of that. I mean, you got it. People can kind of turn into cartoon characters, but you can't take away what they accomplished along the way. He Segel definitely accomplished a bunch of stuff in the tournament, so he just made a demo and got famous. He was the personal trainer. I think just some, some some of these guys, and that's how he made his way into the movies, because at some point you become that personal trainer to the Hollywood hotshot or the producer or whatever, and then you make your way in. All right. What do we got there, Max? Well, I'm glad Philippe's here because there's some news about the border. So first off, Border Patrol agents in California have shot and killed a bandit who is robbing other migrants as they crossed into the U.S. from Mexico. Multiple U.S. Customs and Border Protection sources confirmed that there was a migrant who crossed the border in the San Diego sector. He was shot and killed. He would be. Yeah, just robbing migrants and then going back to Mexico and then come back to do it again. Well, it's going to be a whole bunch of businesses that come off of whatever the business is. You know what I mean? So it's first, it's going to be people coming over the border, then it's going to be coyotes need needing to get paid to bring people over the border. Then they're going to need to eat stuff. So there's going to be ghetto dogs and, you know, papayas and the big delis, and they're going to need fake IDs. There's a whole cottage industry that's going to spring off of all, all things that start, you know, I mean, like every festival just starts off as we'll have some music and some people show up. And then before you know, the vendors all start, you know, by year 10, all the vendors are in there and everybody moves in. So many drug dealers, drug dealers, it all. It all moves then. So this is this is to be expected, is what I would say. But you know, it's it's interesting. I always say this like we're, you know, we argue Trump wants to build a wall. The walls don't work. Some pussy always says, Oh, fences and walls. I never studied it. They don't keep anybody out. They just keep people in. And then in pure Mexican form, Texas takes a bunch of shipping containers and just smashes them together, and it puts razor wire on top of them. And all of a sudden, people start going to another port of entry like it does work because no one wants to climb a shipping container and get tangled up in barbed wire. So then they go somewhere else. So I would argue to anyone who says a wall doesn't work, I'd go well. Shipping containers with barbed wire on them work. And that's a s**tty wall. And it works right? Well, when you were Felipe, when you were coming here in the with the coyote, what were like your fears or where were the big fears as you're coming in? None. Oh, a little. Yes, you guys. I didn't even know I was a could be taken by lying. You just on with it going through the sack of heroin he put up his a*s would burst. That's I was his mom. Sorry, not him, right? But I'm saying that that's probably had to be your biggest fear. Nah, we're not into drugs. Oh, I'm I sold drugs once you came here. No, we don't. So you try a little bit. I didn't know I was like my 20s. Okay, so you. Yeah, yeah. All right. I'm pretty sure when my dad probably came on, there was people probably with when he came, it was he poly came in with. I learned various people because he actually crossed illegally through the border, like going through the desert and walking through a desert. Yeah. You know, Florida based dad built the Panama Ca**l. Yes, he did, man. And I know that's a story I was taking when I was here. You build a bridge, grow to the River Kwai. Your dad. Where's your dad with us? Look, my dad passed away last year. Oh, how old was he? I don't know, 78 years old. OK? I like that. I can. What do I get old? That old promised our line to man. People ask how like four ninety seven so happened with Osama bin Laden at all. I remember I kicked his dad's brother, Marshall High abroad, Glenville. He was at seven 11. Brought back that story. Yeah, I was there. I saw it. He was asked to do so. The the former chief of the Border Patrol, Raul Ortiz. He was on 60 Minutes over the weekend, and here's a clip of him talking about interacting with Biden and Kamala. Also expressed frustration with President Biden. I've never had one conversation with the president or the vice president, for that matter. And so I was the chief of the Border Patrol. I commanded twenty one thousand people. That's a problem. Yeah. So yeah, he is very upset that he's never interacted with the president or the border czar, Kamala. Well, OK. Is that what it is that I mean, from its Texas, I'll find out that the people that have the park. Hmm. That's the place where they have that park where they're protesting. They don't know now. Well, you know that park, right when they protest in that park, is named after a Confederate soldier that fled to Mexico. Oh, they came back. And then when? People forgot about the name of that park after him, and it's a he's a Confederate soldier. They were trying to rename the park to something else. Right. But that's why they're having other meetings there. But the guy that the park in the matter of who the Confederate soldier. So the guy basically runs the Border Patrol role, right? Yeah. And dirty or something. And the no and the and the border czar who's Kamala Harris and then the president never talked to the guy. Right? Okay. Look, we never. So then the next question would be how serious would you be about issues at the border if you never talk to the guy who ran the border? But they're very serious now. It's actually a really hot topic. They're serious now because they see that voters are serious about it now. It's just I. I get political expediency, but everything can't be based on polls like you're the president of the United States, you're the vice president. United States. You've been appointed the border czar. Go and do something about the border. Don't wait until it turns to do a s**t show and a bunch of people get killed by illegals. And now you're going to make a move and feign some concern about it. Well, speaking of presidents. So the Supreme Court? Oh, hold on. There is a there is a clip. So, you know, Kamala Harris is something's wrong with her, and she doesn't answer questions normally. And there's that thing where she's sitting there and she's like, Lester, hold this. You've been to the border while we've been to the border, she said. We've been to the border three times in a row and this is three years ago because we've been to the border. We've been near the border we've been in. And she was like, You haven't been, I haven't. I don't know what your question is, which makes her and say, we're dodging. But there's a there's a better clip. That we never played, which is her being asked about the border. There's a couple of years ago, maybe, and the like is the border secure and she goes the border secure. And in that any country would want their border secure. Which is like it's like saying, is your factory profitable and you go, it's profitable in that factories would like to be profitable. But yes, we know that. But we're asking your factory, is your factory making money? And you go factories all want to make money and you're like, Yeah, I know, but we're asking about yours. The thing that amazes me about her is her nonsensical answers, not the bulls**t. It's impressive. It's like it doesn't track, which is weird to me. Is this her? It's there on Meet the Press. All right. Two million people cross this border for the first time ever. You're confident this border secure. We have a secure border in that that is a priority for any nation, including ours and our administration. But there are still a lot of problems that we are trying to fix given the deterioration that happened over. All right. So we have a secure border in that that's a priority for all nations. I think what they're talking about is that Texas has a border because California has a good border overall. I go to Mexico a lot and I cross the border. No problem. I go in, I go out. I see people from Mexico leaving Mexico to go work at the when American jobs and then leaving those American jobs and crossing the border back. Yeah, that's too bad. There the fast pa*s. I don't know what the big deal about illegals going. I think the problem is that we're never going to fix the border because it's a good thing to fight with the Democrats. They they they, you know, whatever we need them, Republican, they're never going to do nothing about it. It's a good talking point. We're talking about it. We're joking about it. It's like when we'd left, when the NFL did not have a football team in Los Angeles, would it do all the NFL teams to complain about? We're going to leave. If you don't pay us our money, we're going to go to Los Angeles. We need going on for years and now that you fixed the problem with two teams. Nobody's crying no more. Yeah, that's what the border is like. You know, we could fix it. But why Republicans need something to talk about and Democrats need don't need. They need new base, new votes. We all need something to complain about. Now do radio and Fox radio on Fox in Miami. The old Cuban guy told me this Republicans. He will. We Democrats need. They need immigrants for votes. And when Republicans need immigrants for jobs? Hmm. Yeah. We know that's how it is, bro, like, you know, cheap labor, bro, who's going to do it and I'll be, you know, you chose the wrong Mexican. I'm Mexican, but not like that. Yeah. Got some Venezuelans coming in? There you go. What do you want to do? You've done some day labor, though, right? Just community service, you know, like picking up trash for takers. When I was in rehab, we had to clear up a whole field and I would like walk that route to fill it. I don't know many acres. It was cleared for this old lady because there was a fire hazard drill. It was a first time that I said it. I got to do it and they got us and all the drug, other drug addicts in the f**king field and and they were like, Look, this man is f**king let's just hire goats to eat every summer. It'll be cheaper than this as a fire thing. Yeah. Yes, you're clearing brush. That's right. Then explain it to me, right? By the time we were cutting gra*s. Yeah, right. They have it all over the hills, like an all over Malibu. They'll go like, hey, by, I don't know, June 12th. You better have all your s**t cleared because there's so much gra*s. All right. So it rains its a*s off, right? There's tons of of wild grass everywhere. By the time summer comes along, it's four foot high and it's dry and it's a tinderbox. And it's a fire hazard. So the fire department goes, you got to get some ex junkies and yes, and some crazy Mexicans, and you've got to go up that hill and you've got to knock all this grass down, mow it all down and bundle it up and take it out. And you see around June in Malibu, the hills just filled with Mexicans. Yes, hunting weed whacker always. And there's a US. There's a juvenile hall. I never been to that one, but it's called. It's a fire camp. So they have these juvenile kids that they go there and the brush also the the prisons nearby. They have a fire crew, too, that they do that also, you know who was on one of those as I remember interviewing him from, like twenty seven years ago and he got to look it up as Coolio. Coolio, the rapper. All right, Coolio. Scott? Scott, Cavs.com, Coolio, I think, got into some trouble and got sent off to one of those firefighting. But by the way, this is what you supposed to do with f**ked up kids, right? Go somewhere. He worked for the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection. I think we had see who knows more about Cooley other than me. I always thought that if you have to, if you have to do otherwise, your job should be. Every time you see trash on the floor, you gotta pick it up. On that street, no matter where you go, a man tries to pick it up, man. Yeah, I agree. How old were you in juvie out there in juvie? All my friends were. He just went to visit. They come back with skills that they didn't have. Would you know how to do brother? So bro. I know how to make socks. I know how to make crusty little socks. Wow. I had a friend that he came on to my. He came out of prison and he was like, He works another tailor. Really, that's what you should do. You should put out fires and you should learn skills like I tell you, right? And I got to a place in downtown called Suit Fellas. You buy a suit there for a hundred ninety nine dollars with the tailor made for you. They'll cut it up. And next door, there's like four guys from Ms-13 Probably or 18th Street. And ah, they know how to do it. So and it suits, really. They're cutting people to slice into retailers like Glades. Wow. So all your friends went to juvie and learn something? Yes, man. But they had to be better criminals. How did you get the community service then? Oh man, for like when I would go like to for napping takers, they said, You want to do a day in jail or 500 hours, 500 hours, please. Oh, really? That's why I wish that you could pay child support was community service. You just got a DUI. Community service is what, roughly 80 hours of community service? Mm hmm. Charles, the board, you know, should be what? You all have $300000. Or maybe you're on a thousand, so you got a choice between a day in jail? Yeah. And 500 hours more like 50 hours, two minutes or 50 hours. I got arrested a long time ago and I don't think I got the community service angle option just had to pay to be paid to be bailed out. But that was more traffic tickets. Why were you arrested? Oh man, you want to hear I had five jaywalking. Take their pay them. I had oh well, I had. I had moving violations that have gone to warrant and my get the worst mom ever. I I tried, I went to my mom and my step dad's house, like on a Sunday night to eat spaghetti. And I was riding a motorcycle at the time Honda 404 as only transportation I had and I had a job offer Ventura Boulevard at a place called Hoffman Travel. A friend of mine got me a job at a travel agency where I just sat in the back on a folding table like filled out envelopes the whole day and I every check at work. There was a c**t and they would they would come back and they'd like, yell at me, they'd go, Merv Griffin doesn't have his tickets and I got, I don't know where I have an envelope. Merv Griffin does not have his tickets and I go, I. I filled out the envelopes and then I send the hand under the courier guy. Well, you didn't hand him what happened to Merv Griffin's tickets? And I'm like, I don't know, because I'm just sitting there facing a wall on a folding table, just staring at a clock, filling out this thing. And they'd all f**king scream, They're all b***hes and screaming. And then at some point the pitch would go, it's like the whole office be whipped up all the chicks, you know? And Merv Griffin, it's got a three o'clock flight. I just talked to his assistant. The tickets were supposed to be dropped off at the carrier. It was travel agent like analog time, you know, and I was like, I don't know. They were all screaming at me, Where's Merv Griffin? Tickets what I do with them? And at some point? Like a half hour in the beach would go, I found my tickets are on my desk under the blotter, but never said s**t to me. This is like, Oh, I did I fix this thing? It's like golf. b***h f**king hated these c**ts and I was. I was. I'd been working there for like f**king five weeks or something, and I was just facing a wall with all these b***hes and me. I was the only dude in the office and I hated them all travel agents of the f**king worst. And and so I went to my mom's house for spaghetti on a Sunday night and I was riding my motorcycle and I tried to bait my mom. I try to fool her. I said, Fool, I said. I tried to get her and my stepdad to pay my warrant because I didn't have money, you know, so I was sitting at the table with them. I've told the story before, but I said I got this five hundred dollar warrant, and if I get arrested, if I get pulled over, I'm going to jail. I get arrested if I get pulled over. And it's but I don't have the five hundred dollars to pay for it, but I got to go to work every day on my motorcycle and Ventura Boulevard, where this travel agency is. It's just always crawling with cops. I said, I'm so scared. I'm going to get pulled over on my motorcycle. If they pull me over, they're going to arrest me. And I was kind of that I was leading my mom or my mom is going to go, how much was it again? Was like five hundred bucks and then she I was kind of hoping they'd go, All right, listen, well, front the five hundred by going to work it up. I mean, you get your first paycheck from Hoffman Travel. You got to give us one hundred bucks for the next five paychecks or something. My mom goes, she goes, Oh, you're worried going down Ventura Boulevard with all the cops? Oh yeah. Hoffman travels in Studio City on off a van der bomber. She goes, You know. Valley Vista runs right along Ventura Boulevard, but it's a side street. So tomorrow morning, don't go to Ventura. Go to that. So instead of giving me the money for the warrant, she just gave me a new route where there wouldn't be any cops work around f**king next morning. Going Down Valley Vista, pulled over by cop, said Everyone was doing, pulled me out, told me there have been a lot of robberies in the neighborhood, like nine in the morning. Everyone goes to work and he was patrolling. The neighborhood snatches me. To last me right in the front seat of a cop car, handcuffed. But let me right in the front seat. It felt bad for me. I go to the drunk tank or the holding tank I call Hoffman Travel. Tell me I got arrested. They promptly tell me I'm fired. Yeah, we found those tickets. You're good. You're fired. And then I sat in this North Hollywood holding tank could tell by my friends had like four friends, all cobbled together like 100 bucks each, and he cellmates that got me out. I don't remember who was in there. I was only in there, like four or five hours, and then I got bailed out. And now I owed all my friends five hundred bucks and I had no job. But the guy let me park my motorcycle on the side of Valley Hart's coolest or whatever, so I didn't know it. And as I get a ride, get back on my motorcycle. That's cool. You ran a front because I remember I did my friend. Then I got a ticket in the total devil's toiling away my friend's car and my friend made a he made a look to the tow truck driver and the truck. The driver said he'll give us a ride. And we were getting inside the car. The tow truck driver. And then the cop is f**king b***h and said, Hey, get the f**k out of the tow truck. And she made us walk home. Oh, really? Right in the yeah, told I. Oh yeah, my Hispanic story, I guess. I think I got a motorcycle, towed another motorcycle. The first time I got arrested. I didn't get that motorcycle towed. That guy just let me park it. I knew you could do it. I'd like, you know, I was like, Why would you have to tow it? I could just park it like on the side street. Like, I'm like, I went to see a friend, you know, like we got. So that guy, let me do it. That's not the second time I got arrested or not arrested, but pulled over on my motorcycle for not having a motorcycle license. The guy said, We're towing the bike and I'm like, You don't need to tow it. I could just park it over on the side street. And like, now we're towing the bike and there hooked it up to a tow truck. And the guy said, You want to ride with the tow truck driver, he'll drop you off at your apartment. And I was like, I had too much dignity. I said, No, no, I would rather walk. I would rather walk than get in that tow truck. Yeah. And I started walking down Laurel Canyon and I was hitchhiking and I got picked up by the big Mexican guy who ended up being and stand and deliver the Oh God, the movie about Edward James Olmos played Hymie. Oh God played the inner city Mexican math coach. Yeah, Jaime Escobar escalation. Ah, I'm Escalante Escalante. Yeah, he played. He played the teacher, the teacher, and the guy who played the big Mexican muscle guy in his cla*s. There's the guy picked me up, which I think, really? That's his name. Yeah, I know Monroe, right? Not us. He was like one of the guys who was always in the cla*s. Yeah, but never totally right. William will take this as an yeah, that dude. He'll go. He did come in for a while. He did. He did sketch, I think. Yes. We'll go to. He picked you up. He wasn't in the movies. I wasn't in the movies. No. When he was in anything, he just saw you walk. I was just f**kin walking and hitchhiking down down Laurel Canyon and Willie. I wonder if he would remember that he picked me up and I was like, You know, I didn't lose that much time. I told the tow truck driver to f**k off. And they laughed, and I was pissed at the cop because they told my bike. So you know how to get the bike out of impound? I got to go get a class, whatever motorcycle driver's license in order to get the bike down to the impound, right? Well, you need a motorcycle to take your motorcycle test on. Yeah, get your license. I can't give a f**king motorcycle out because it's in an impound lot, so I got to get a ride to the DMV. I take a temporary motorcycle license test, but not the practical one. Retractable one CHP right? Right. I don't take that. I take a temp written one. Get my f**kin temp motorcycle license. Get another ride to the tow truck yard. Go to the impound yard. f**king dude, charge me for two days. Even though it's been there for eight hours and pay a bunch of money I don't have. Give my f**king bike back, then ride the bike back to the DMV and take the practical writing test motherf**ker. But I did meet the guy from stand and deliver. He's the busy Japanese man. What a sucker is he still acting? I just message him, Yeah, we'll see if he responds. He's a. He's a chef. He's a chef. He's a big dude. Yeah, William will tell you, that's him right there, right? Yeah. And you know him. Yeah. Yeah. He was a pastry chef. Now he's a pastry chef. God, is he going to remember picking me up on Laurel Canyon with a motorcycle helmet? Well, that's so funny. And yeah, he came up the apartment. I was like, There was smoke. Some pot probably thought, I'm going to blow up, you know, I we hung out a little. And then I said, What do you do? And he's like, I do sketch comedy as like, Oh, I'm trying to get into, I'm doing some of that, too. We started talking about he was in the fray knots. I think like the sketch comedy group and we just started talking and I went out, check the show out and stuff. Wow. Yeah. Old school that's used to meet people in L.A., right? Yeah. Hitchhike with a helmet. I guess you look safe holding the motorcycle helmet. Yeah, you don't look like a rapist. Why would you be holding a motorcycle helmet unless you're into the motorcycle bar with a helmet and no motorcycle? Oh yeah, and think about that. But he met me on Laurel. Pick me up, Studio City. He's driving a Pinto. Their life was much different back then. Yeah, hitchhiking isn't even a thing anymore. Know what does. I was so confident in my hitchhiking that I told the tow truck driver to f**k off. Yeah, he just took off and I was like, I'll be for you to walk the hard way if you knew I wouldn't walk. I was walking. I was on Laurel Canyon and in tow. He picked me up in his Pinto. I don't need your ride. I was so disgusted by. And I also knew because I got arrested on my other motorcycle for about five years earlier. I know you could park it. I know I could have just parked it on a side street because I already did it before. I would just say, you know, that's on my motorcycle. I found that it was going to leave, that it wasn't even a moving violation. It was just I didn't have my license and I needed the f**king motorcycle to go get my license. Oh yeah, my first driving Tigger was an illegal left turn with no seatbelt, no driver's license and no insurance. Hmm. And I did it right in front of the police station. So being poor and the guy behind me do that man. Did they add this to your ticket, too? Because I don't know how to do it now. I think they had. So you take the $500, they add a hundred and seventy percent or 70 percent assessment to the ticket. So if it's a thousand three hundred, it's going to be nine thousand dollars for that taking no driving. And then later on, I had a third motorcycle towed in front of my apartment. This poor sucks. So f**king bad just driving in L.A. Oh, and a fourth motorcycle. Wow. I've had three motorcycles towed. Three. Three. The other one was my friend's motorcycle, I borrowed it, so Coutts. OK, what was it? I had a Honda 404. That's the one they let me. They let me keep my Honda 404 as my pickup truck there. I got to keep my Honda four hundred four. I had a Ninja 600 towed and I had like my friends, like S.R. 300 or whatever the f**k it was like a Honda. He let me borrow it because I got a job painting offices in Century City and I want to pay for the for the for the parking. So I parked it by the side of the building. f**kin towed it. That was a long walk home because I had a walk home from Century City. I walked home from Century City, the North North Hollywood, but I did have a gay guy pick me up and he got me all the way down Santa Monica Boulevard. And then he wanted to go hang out and smoke pot in his apartment, and I knew that was gay ko at the magazine. From right, I got a coat round up from him. And then I started walking up Laurel Canyon, the backside from Hollywood, you know, by the laugh factory. And I only was walking for about 200 feet and I ran into a chick named Stacey. I went to high school with and was just driving her up. I got I got door to door. Seems like a smaller town back to bars back then, huh? Yeah. What do when you were the daughter we were talking about? I remember there wasn't a country, but there was a Coca-Cola Olympics there. There was there was a there was a place where you'd get f**king to schooners of beer and a whole chicken. And it was so f**king good. It was right on, right on sunset. I was at sunset and and in Laurel Canyon, right there. And then it turned into coconut teasers standpoint, but it was f**king awesome. And I stopped there when I was after the gay guy dropped me off and I said, I better get a schooner beer. Yeah, I got to cope with this pain. I sat there and drank schooner beer, and then I started walking the book because that that country bar in a movie with Clint Eastwood every which way, but loose is in the valley. Oh, that would be a right. Is that that? Oh s**t, that big. OK, I'll come up with the name of that place. Yes, they filmed all those movies there and Hank Williams. Yeah, and everybody. Everybody would play that. And it's not an FM station that was called Olympia. No. I mean, no. I mean, come on. You got it. Damn it. Yeah. When my friends, by the time this chick Stacy dropped me off at my house, on my garage I was living in, it was like eight thirty at night and the motorcycle got towed to Santa Monica to an impound lot. And my body was like, I need my motorcycle back. And I was like, I need 100 bucks. I don't have any someone to drive me to the Santa Monica impound lot tonight, and then I'll get on the motorcycle and ride it back from Santa Monica, back to North Hollywood. It was the worst day of my life. I'll let Adam charge you more for the same with the car and a torch at a toll plaza. I think they charge. They gouge the f**k out of you because the s**t is in the yard and you ain't getting your keys until you pay them. And I remember having this conversation, the f**king I got my motorcycle got towed on a night sweep in front of my house. I got it, got swept up at 11:00 at night, 11:00 at night on like a Monday night. And I went to the North Hollywood tow yard when they opened at like seven in the morning to f**king get my motorcycle back that they shouldn't have towed. They said they shouldn't have towed it. Someone stole the license plate and that's why they towed it. And I went back there and I said, All right, I got this motorcycle should have been towed. They stole the license plate, but OK. And the guy's like, Yeah, they shouldn't atone it. They should have checked the serial number on that because whatever. I wish they did, but they did, right? And he's like, Well, you still got to pay me because I'm not letting it out unless you pay me. I go, Fine, you got towed at 11:00 last night, 7:00 in the morning. He goes, Yeah, two days. Two days I got two days. He goes, Yeah, Monday it got towed. Today's Tuesday, two days impound. I go, It's been. You've had it for eight hours because now it's two days got towed on Monday. Shouldn't have been out. And then today's Tuesday you got five students. You know, I said to the guy, I go, Why don't you just charge five days? I mean, you're just making it as long as you're just making this s**t up and you, I can't get my bike killed. Just f**king say it's been a year. I'll just say whatever you want, because that's the realm we're here now. You're just say what you wanted the guy at the time. f**k, yeah, that's too extreme. But today's like like and they should've never towed it in the first I lent the bike to my friend. I'm glad he took it to UCLA and they stole the license plate and he took it back and he parked in front of f**king my apartment and they told it, You know what? What the f all your motors, all your vehicles need, like stickers on, say, depressed. f**k it, broken cars. Then by the way, I'm like, This guy's having a bad now, imagine. You're my son, and he's like, I got to get in the Cadillac SUV and go out to Malibu, and then we got to go back to crypto center and then I got, Yes, yes you do, because I f**king want my motorcycles were towed for the night and I have. It's so f**king funny having these conversations. All right, Philippe, we're going to let you go. What's up? What's up? Always funny. Funny bone coming up. And that's March 5th through. Yes, forget the 16th. I'm telling my special in Sacramento at the Crest Theater. I see you're going to be a magnificent ammonium. I been there before. Yeah, the owner is crazy talent. But yeah, he has crazy stories about being a Vietnam vet in the army and how he got away with doing no work. I don't want to start that conversation as we along the way. Bay's WorldCom is where you go. Paul and Leo stand up. It's going to be in here. We'll do that right after this. Oh, this is a good idea. 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Just to the scene, I mean, Matt, I met him way early on, like when he first started standup, who's at the laugh factory and he was 16 at the time, and he wasn't allowed to hang out at the club. So he'd have like five security guards walk him into the laugh factory. Then he would perform and then security would like, walk him out. So he just looked like a f**kin celebrity. All right. Justin Bieber had the same treatment. I had my son had that in a in a car show once. Like, first off, California as nothing but r****ded rule like, Oh, I remember this. No, California feels like it feels like we have some evil overlord that have made insane rules to f**k with us, right? But it's just us making stupid rules to f**k with us. I went to a car show, high end, high end jet center in Pebble Beach, million multimillion dollar jets and cars and everything. I tickets everything. And my son was like 14, and they're like, Oh, no one under 21. And it's like, Well, he's not going to be drinking. It's just walking around looking at cars. And we've been at this party before and they're like, All right, you know what? He can come in, but I'll have a CHP guy with him the whole time. And it's like a guy, CHP cop just walking. Just looking at cars like he could go to the bar, but the bartender wouldn't give him a beer because he's 14, you know, and that's all. I'm drinking a beer, right? The following day will be down on Pebble Beach. We're looking at do's and burgers, and I'll be holding the beer and he'll be walking next to me. I don't know what, what is this? And it's like it's California. They just have a f**king rule. Everything's insurance, everything is rules. Everything is lawyers. Yeah, this dude's like a part of your family. Now he's just saying, Yeah, hey Burt, I got to take a piss. You want to escort me over to the bathroom? Yeah, OK, walk me over there. Yeah. So, Matt, are our comedians? Comedians seem? Comedians can be horrible people and oftentimes are, but they seem devoted, like if you come up with somebody, they go, Oh, I'm I'm devoted. Yeah, to that. I don't feel like comedians have that. We met this guy coming up and he was good or he let me crash on the sofa one night or something. Now the now there's an allegiance. Yeah, it's the same thing with like rap artists like, they'll let go to an event and then they're like, I'm here with thirty five of my childhood friends since day one. And it's like comedians have that same sort of camaraderie like, you know, like, we've been through so much together. And like, even I'll tell him that I was like, we really bonded over our failures. Yes. And bonded over being looked over by the industry because like we go to all the JFL showcases and other festival showcases and you know, we were never picked. We were never. Hollywood was never like, We like these guys, right? But you know, Matt did get wiling out and, you know, he started to get some traction. And, you know, I got some guest stars and co-stars here and there, but it was never like, you know, we're going to catapult you and make you a guy. So it's like when he's self-made and did it on his own. He was like, Bro, the people that are with me when I started, I want to rock with you all, which sometimes I'd learned to never expect that either because people, when they rise, they just sort of, you know, they act how they act. And I don't take it personally, at least try not to. Yeah, I had a. On that note, I was. The Oscars are coming up and my daughter wants to go to the Oscars and she's been bugging the s**t out of me. Well, she could go to the Laker game you got to. I know, and she's gone. I don't know three times now. And I'm always the s**ttiest Oscar. Ask her because I? She asked. She starts asking me for months before. So what happens is I go, Jimmy Kimmel is going to host the Oscars. And then that day she'll go, I need tickets to the Oscars and I go, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. I got it. I got it too early right now. And then two months later, she go, Get those tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then at some point it's four days before the Oscars. And like Jimmy, I don't know if you're busy or what you're up there right now, but if you could just take some time from your working day to find me some Oscar tickets. And then this year, I, I, I I don't want to bug Jimmy. He's doing. I was writing some jokes in the monologue and stuff. I said, I'm just going to ask his agent, my agent, you know, get me some good Italy, some tickets. He said there are no tickets this year. It's all f**king gone. It's all gone ahead. He called, Everybody did everything. Even he even bugged Jimmy. I didn't want to bug Jimmy, but it's all gone. All right, so that's a good. It's all gone. So I then come back to my daughter and I go, you know, bad news, you know? And she asked me two hundred and seventy five times and I got no tickets this year. There's just I don't know why it's all gone. And she goes, well, if you had asked, you know, four months ago when I initially told you they wouldn't all be gone, but you waited and waited and I was like, I know lied. I can't because she would ask every day and I just go, Yeah, and I'm on top and on top. So this is Oscar week, you know what I mean? And and I was I was like thinking about it and I was like, Well, I guess that's it. I mean, they just got f**king slammed. And then I went on a hike this morning. I came back and there's a tax way. Jimmy's got a ticket. He's got the ticket for Natasha, which is insane that that was bothering him. You know, he this is a week of wow. It is crunch time prepping his body should be prepping that. But I know it got stuck in his craw. He didn't like saying we didn't get it. We found one somewhere. He shook one loose. Somebody died. Crazy. Does a CHP officer have to follow your daughter? I, that would be a good use of that guy's time. Yeah, yeah. Especially when she now. So now I'm like, OK. Wait a minute, do I say anything? Maybe I take that f**king Typekit or the Oscars also going to require a dress and that dress ain't going to be cheap and it's not going to be worn more than once, right or paid by her or paid for by her? What is the s**t with chicks and clothing? Do you know what I'm saying after your woman did this to you? Any new event? We're going to a birthday party. It's like all outfit for that. I need a whole new outfit and it's like, why? Or even like, just like, like going like, like going to even your s**t. Like, you've got a button up shirt and you wore it two days earlier to the whatever thing. And then you go, I'm wearing it tonight to dinner. The same shirt can't. Same shirt. And they go, Yeah, same shirt that no one's going to know. No one was there. Oh, well, it's dirty now. You got to wash it. I've got no, you don't. We weren't doing anything with one golf outfit every time we go golfing, and that seems to like, you need what? You're going to wear that same thing. Yeah, this is if they a*****es you golf with are going to give a s**t. Yeah, the hell is he wearing? What is it with the dress? The dress that gets worn one time? Let me tell you something. There's the Oscar dress. There's going to be a prom dress and another four months. Yeah, it cannot be the same dress. It's pictures. You can't be photographed in the same dress at two different events. You know, it's just, you know, the biggest lie. The biggest lie women will ever tell is, are you married, a fiancee fiancee? Get ready for this one. It's going to be a big lie. She's going to go. She's going to go. You can start looking at wedding dresses and that first thing's first, they're going to try to explain to you stuff like twenty two hundred dollars is not a lot for a dress like that. I say s**t like that. That's a huge pickup truck for my for my year fully loaded use pick. That is a vehicle. You understand it's a work vehicle. No. Yeah, they'll say s**t when you get married, they'll go like thirty seven hundred dollars is cheap for our floors. That's cheap. And then they'll mention someone else who got Tammy nine thousand nine thousand dollars worth of flowers. Thirty seven. And believe me, that's cheap, and they'll usually get another chick to stand next and we'll go, Oh yeah, oh no, that's cheap. Just because now they've won the argument. So they do the dress and they go, It's twenty two hundred dollars, but do not. And you go, you just can wear it one time and they go. Our daughter is going to wear this dress action and then I go, Well, where's your f**king mom's dress? Because your mom pitched the same s**t to your dad 31 years ago? Where's your hair? Why aren't you wearing hers? Yeah, I'm praying for her son, please. It's much easier. You get the sun, you get the CHP officer. He just got it right. You're going to have to f**k. I'm never, ever wearing your life, man. I got lucky because my grove, my fiancee now, Shia, she's from Venezuela. So she grew up pretty modest. So when it comes to like clothes and stuff, she's like, I just need to be too expensive. I don't need anything. So it's just bro, I saved probably $50000. Does she like to go out in the same shirt two days in a row? Oh yeah, she does. Well, I will just she'll just make a comment. Say, Hey, your shirt, you wore that yesterday, and I'm just like, Yeah, I know. And then she's like, It still looks good. I'm like, Babe, I love you. Yeah. Well, also the never factor in I'm going to different places. I'm not going to be outed for wearing the same shirt. Two days in a row because I'm going somewhere else like, you know. All right. Two different occasions. Yeah, I did get burned. You know, I got burned wearing the same shirt. But because I just wear the same way, I wear the same thing all day, every day. I got burned because about. Eight years ago, there's a picture of it here. I was like eight or nine years ago, we had the number one episode on iTunes and podcasts was the show. And then the number two episode was the show. And it was it was with Manny Pacquiao. Oh, and Jim Jeffrey and Jim Jefferies. And I said, Oh, we should that we should make a thing out of that. But I wore the same shirt two days ago, and it looks like the same day. Yeah, yeah. Because I f**ked myself with my own f**king horrible fashion sense. Yeah, that happens like Tik Tok videos. Like other video, though like Blow Up and then I'm wearing like that outfit, and then I'll do another video that does terrible and I'm wearing that same outfit. So it's just like that outfit is just seen highs and lows. I have I'll all I'll do a thing where I'm signing autographs, taking pictures after the show and the person I'll pull their phone out. I go, I saw you at the Beacon Theater nine years ago. They pull out. I'm wearing the same show. I could have been as f**king embarrassing nine years ago. I'm f**king sad, but I had one shirt at work. So you grow up in outside of Detroit, in Detroit, right outside of Detroit, Southfield, Michigan. What's up with the Coney Island hot dog place? Which one? Well, that's the point. The two that were right next to each other in Detroit. Yeah. Were they feuding brothers or something? Yeah, I hope so. Do you know that story? No, but I love it already. You go to Detroit and they're like, You got to get a Coney Island hot dog and me and my crew like, All right? And we went down there and there's two of them. Yeah, right next. They share a wall, right? One despite. Yeah. Lafayette and then American Coney, the two brothers opened up a Coney Island, had creative differences over hot dogs. You call that relish pickles, ketchup, then the mustard mustard ketchup, right? Consistency is off. And then they just separated. But I think that this was all for show and they're really secretly like, Man, that can't be fooled everybody because they got to both with this fake news. Yeah. Then they're tried this and tried that. And then we're going to split it and we live in the same house together. They'll never know. Being from Detroit, I don't know if it's good, but I kind of envy people that are from a place where they can work it in, like I'm from Valley Village and North Hollywood, right? I can't go. I'm from Valley Village, bro. Don't try to sell that s**t here. You never guess what? You're next in Studio City, Detroit or the Bronx or work. There's a lot of New York, you know, and people go, Hey, man, you can't f**k with me. I'm from Brooklyn. Yeah, Brooklyn, so I know. Even though you don't know anything, you're just a kid, you know? But Detroit is one of those places you get. You get a little built in street cred. Oh yeah, the street credits also transfer over. You know, I tell people, I'm from Detroit. People respect. And also it's like when people hear Detroit, they immediately they're like, Oh, automotive industry, blue collar. You work hard and like. That narrative is changing right before it's like, I'm from Detroit. Like, Oh, poor houses is repossessed. Lions suck, right? Right. You're, you know, maybe you're a criminal or like whatever assumptions people make, but it's like, you know, Detroit now the narrative is changing a lot, so it's like, I'm happy to be a part of it. And even I was thinking of like names for the special. I was just like, What am I going to name it that really encapsulates, like someone who like, works hard. And, you know, a lot of the special is about my mom too, and like her coming from Iraq and making it work in Detroit. And that's like the the story that not a lot of people say as well. They're saying it now, whereas before I was just washed over like, Oh, you're dangerous, oh, you're poor now. It's just like, Oh, these are hardworking people that made it work. So, yeah, big population over there trying to think of what did a corporate thing over there for the good, what people, what they call the Chaldeans tell the fans. Yeah, Chaldean people, that's not a pizza. Yeah, it's a Chaldean. So they put the cheese inside of the crust. Oh yeah, the Chaldeans. Are you Chaldean? Yeah, I'm Chaldean Assyrian. Yeah, how do you get to become Chaldean? You have to apply. It's this whole. You got to some an application. Yeah, yeah. They seem like a very tight knit, successful community, very the Chaldeans that are well known. Chaldeans mm. Yeah, there's well well, the thing is that Chaldeans have like this sense of like some sense of their identity has been lost because like a lot of Chaldeans, like, you know, we're ethnically Assyrian. What makes us Chaldean is our religious beliefs like the Chaldean Catholic Church. So a lot of Chaldean Catholics who came from Iraq when they came to Detroit, they're like, they wouldn't say they're Iraqi, they wouldn't say they're Assyrian. They're like, I'm Chaldean, like they were. Their religion was their identity. So it's a very tight knit group. And then once one Chaldean came to Detroit and then he had brought his family over, then he opened up a grocery store, right? And then he bought another one, got his brother to work on that one, and then all the cousins came over. So, yeah, I mean, it's a pretty good example of how things are supposed to work over here. You know, you get together, you have the community, everyone bust their a*s and you become successful because this country doesn't really have limitations on on success. We try to pretend like we do all the time, but we really don't. Any group can come here. Whatever Korean, Chaldean, whatever bust your ass, have your community, figure it out and be totally successful in this country. One hundred percent, although we never stop trying to pick it apart. There's really no other place you can just do this, and there's no there's no guarantee of success. On the other hand, you bust your a*s and you stay with it's the same with comedy, you know what I mean? In the sense that there's no big breaks and there's no I know the head of showbusiness and he's going to give me a theater. Tour dates and stuff like that, but you hang around, work hard, sort of keep your nose clean and just work community that can get up, do tons of Mike, you know, a lot of stage time tell jokes are a mixing my metaphors now. But it just magically works out for the community or the standup. Yeah. And then if you're good and you pay and you're not dumb and you like, you clearly have some sort of business sense and you pick up on things and you're like a sponge, which was like, what my mom was. You pick up on things. You're like, Oh, I know how to do business now. I know how to work with this person. I know how to network. And like, you know, even with comedy like, there's some people that when I first start off there at every single mic bombing, every single time and they never got good, they never got good. These even some comedians that I see now and I'm like, Man, they're doing the same exact act, the same exact act, and they're they're segment cookie's crazy kooky. But what are they? What is there? So I just did comedy fantasy camp and I was up there with Jay Leno, and there's this guy who's like 60 and we're telling everyone, get do two minutes of your act. And in Jay Leno and Caroline Ray, we'll tweak it and critique it. Cool. So the guy got up there. He took his shirt off. It was like a six year old dude took his shirt off. He's wearing like trunks, pulls them up. I love it already. He's talking the entire time in a Clint Eastwood voice like a bad Clint Eastwood thing. Pulls up, pulls his backpack, opens his backpack, pulls out a traffic cone, sets it there on the stage and goes, Hey, kids, get off my lawn. And then he pulls out a beer backpack and he hands it to Jay and he goes, Oh my beer? Jay. And then he completely does nothing. But my question is, what did he think was going to happen, because what did he think was going to happen because it just couldn't have whatever was in his head couldn't have been what happened, but what was in his head and why would this work? You know what I mean with the with no jokes and no material and you share it off? Why? How, how you think Jay Leno is going to be holding aside like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Next only note is, can you open for me? We'll turn theater. That's where you get like, what is the fantasy? The guy who's been telling the same joke since you saw him doing the open mike six years ago didn't get a laugh then. Not getting it. Now what? What's in their head? Yeah, it's like the Hollywood delusion, you know, like there's some people there just living in their own world and they're borderline insane. They're just literally it's like they just keep doing it. And I'm like, This isn't about getting better. Should there be a person, so sports does it for you. Sports. Every guy in his head thinks he's turning pro when he's 14 years old or whatever, but at some point. It just pushes you out. You just get pushed out at a sports, you know, I was like that a Lakers game, and I'm sitting next to a guy. I'll tell you the story tomorrow, but we're talking about playing. And I said, this guy played professional football for the Redskins. I said so all I ever wanted to do. But when I was, you know, 19, I went to Valley College and there's a guy named Squeak who could bench for twenty five and he ran a four for 40 squeak squeaky could. And he knew the guy, by the way. And I was like, I knew right then I know no more. I can't. I will not be able to do this as long as these guys bench for twenty five and run sub four or five forty. That's not me. And you get pushed out or you get injured or you get cut. Whatever it ends, everyone thinks are going to play shortstop for the Yankees. When they're 10, nobody ends up, it gets shoved out. Heartbreaking moment comedy. And I like having a country singing career. No one ever shuts you out like you don't get. You know what I mean? Like, this person needs someone to tap on the shoulder and go, No ma*s. Yeah, right? We're done with. You're wasting your time. You're wasting your wife's time. Your fam, Simon. Everyone in this room. Everyone in this club, you're wasting no time. It goes on. And there's always the dream of tomorrow. Yeah, I mean, I would say this as long as people are buying tickets and people want to see the same thing over and over again. There's a fan base for that. It's like, great. Yeah. You know, go do that. I mean, I'm good for you. Like, I really pushed myself and I was like, like, I would do jokes that would get laughs, and I would do them at every show. And I'm like, These are tried and true bits that work. And then I was like, I'm not getting better by just doing these jokes like, I feel like a w***e for acceptance, right? Because I'm getting laughs. So I'm like, I got to do new stuff, and I started doing new stuff in like high pressure situations. And like, I would like not do well and I'm just like, but at least bombing with dignity. All right. And I'm like, I got my dignity, and this is going to get better and to the crowd to like, we just see some guy confidently saying things and trying things. And I can get at anything like a good comic like, say, some doesn't work and just address how it doesn't work and just sort of move on. And it's fine. You know, as long as, you know, like saying a joke in a bombs and you're like, So dating is so anyway. Yeah. And you just like, move on. So it's like, you know, I'm just pro being good, and I really got in this business to do what I can to be the best version I can be. So how was the Chaldean community growing up when you start talking about comedy? Nonexistent? Yeah, nonexistent. Like, even when I would do shows like, you know, a lot of the Chaldeans like they, they had beef with me because I would be like, How come we don't say we're ethnically Assyrian? Like, why don't we like, say that? And they're just like, because we're not, we're not that like, stop saying that. And then like I would talk to like scholars in like a Syrian studies and there's like no Chaldeans are Assyrians. They, you know, they could they should identify as Chaldean Assyrian. So there was some Chaldeans that didn't vibe with me on that front. Like, even when I first started comedy like doing shows, the only people that would really come were like my close close friends and I would try to promote it within like the community in the Chaldean network and few people start to come out. Now it's like changing. It's starting to shift like more starting to come out. But it's like now that it's like my Instagram following is growing and they see me in videos and other things are starting to be like, Bro, we got to support this guy. It's like, I don't not like where we're actually being massive haters if we don't show up to this guy show. So definitely now I feel the support and it's great. Like when I do shows in Detroit sell out pretty quickly, which is good new feeling once you have an hour. I did a corporate gig for the Chaldean community in our really been pretty decent audience for a corporate anything. Chicks dressed a little loud. As I recall, that was one of my recollection. It was like wedding vibes, like makeup eyebrows. Yeah, they they they they go big. They have a little bit of they got a little drag show in them. You know that guy. You know what Dr. Drew calls them and not the Chaldeans, but just in general there women who are female female impersonators? That's brilliant. It's the only smart thing he's ever said, he would say. Like, there are certain chicks that are doing their interpretation of a female as a female. Right? It's like a little fetish. But that's kind of the Chaldean chicks were all into the, you know, big lots of big lips, big dresses, heels. Yes, just just everything they have for kids at home. Yes. Yeah. But but it but a tight group. Very. And they like to eat because I want to eat at a Chaldean place with everyone before the thing and two thousand pounds of food showed up like they. Just you know, that thing when you. You know, when you weigh over order and the s**t just keeps coming and you're like, I don't even remember getting the baba ganoush, she's like, You got it. Just showing up. And then at some point you ever do this. It's an ugly American thing where you go. Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm f**king awful. And I think they forgot to bring out the spare rib appetizer and you go, good, I'm f**king stuffed, and then at some point you see him coming around the corner. Oh, we forgot to spare ribs. I was just throwing up my mouth. Yeah. Now I've got to pay for this s**t and I'm bound by law to eat two of them, even on a f**king pack because we ordered this s**t. You forgot about it. But the Chaldean, I don't know what the cuisine is. Yeah, it's just like, Yeah, it's like a Syrian Iraqi cuisine. And yeah, it's like hospitality food. Like when you come to our house, it's like you're treated very well. I was thinking about this, but you tell me what you think. I think and when we're also everyone so fat now. And I was thinking about the other day and I realize when I was growing up, if you did take out, you know, if you won out or take out like pizza, you know, just with pizza, but you wouldn't do Thai food. Thai food was weird. And it didn't really exist. And you wouldn't do sushi. Sushi didn't really exist and was weird and Middle Eastern stuff you wouldn't do like, I can't pronounce half that s**t. I don't know what it is. It seems like it's goat based and we're not doing that. I sit around now and I go, Hmmm, sushi would kind of like to go down to Carnival, a carousel over there in Glendale and get some Middle Eastern. Oh, that sounds pretty good. Mm hmm. Ooh, Thai food sounds right. I am able to do barbecue. It's like there's now 600 possibilities and nothing's off the table. Yeah, there's no more paralysis option paralysis and caloric paralysis like Middle Eastern stuff. There was no you wouldn't been when I was growing up. If you got you held a falafel sandwich, you would have been locked up like people who thought you were weird. Yeah. They even know what a f**king falafel ball was. And now it's like, it's up. It's it's everything. Yeah, falafel pizza, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, I'm on Uber Eats. I'm like this. Like Netflix. I'm just like trying to find like, are you still ordering? I'm like, Oh, I sorry. I forgot I was hungry. Yeah. How are we? How is our indulgence compared to that of Dubai? And oh, I mean, Dubai has everything, bro. Dubai is the future man. It is just watching F1 race out of there the other day, I think. Yeah, they've got everything. Everything, bro, like the WWE is doing events. They're like, you know, I don't know, they're probably going to start a football team. If you got money, they will come, man. People will show the f**k up. Dubai and the world is no difference. There's no difference than like Beyoncé, who did a probably corporate gig there for like 20 million bucks. And then I just saw that Rihanna did some Indian guy's wedding, where the whole point is, everyone's relationship with money is exactly the same as Rihanna and exactly the same as Beyoncé. And anybody else like golfers? Yeah, they just go, f**k that, I'm not going over to that f**king ashtray. How much? How much money do have? Yeah, I'm getting on a plane, right? That's what we all just drop it to me. Corporate, whatever religion, you know, you know how they treat women over there? Yeah, I know. But they got checkbooks and we give it all up and we just go, f**k, we're going over there. Yeah, you got money. We're going to be there. Yeah, everyone will. Everyone will show up. Yeah, that's all we have to do. They're like, Oh my, like, oh, morally, I don't feel what I'm explaining. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. It's so it's it's so sad and transparent. You know what I mean? It's it's sad how sort of easily everyone is just immediately moved by cheque. I mean, you know, sort of micro, you know, on the micro version is like, Oh, hey, you want me to do gay porn? I'm not gay. But when he got there, a hundred and seventy dollars, f**k yeah, seventy more than I had before I took my pants off. Like, there's the micro like, Yeah, I'll give you a blowjob for fifty bucks. Like, that's the real low end stuff. And then there's whatever Disney in China and whatever. Whatever an NBA in China, it's just whatever you got money world crazy. We'll talk about rights. We'll talk, we'll fly the gay flag, we'll do all the s**t we have to do will wear the pink breast cancer socks and s**t like that. But if you got money, we'll definitely come over there and do some s**t with you. Yeah, and that's it. And now we should all just know it, right? Yeah, totally. I mean, I think Hollywood does the same thing for like, you know, like you have followers and clout, that's their version of like, Oh, you're people that we can make money off of you. And no matter what their content is, and even if it's good, they're just like, Yeah, we can make money off of this or what do you need? Let's get you a sponsorship, and let's do this and let's monetize this. And then it's like, Do you even like this? I doubt they do. But I mean, this is the game room. I mean, they're not in the business of liking or disliking. They're just in the money business. And I guess it's high time everyone kind of realize that gold stars everywhere. Yeah, Hollywood is is weird because they're in the money business in that, you know, I told everyone a million times I drove Bryan Cranston from right here to the Burbank airport so he could shoot Breaking Bad in New Mexico. And it was supposed to be shot in L.A. River in Riverside County. And they pulled up everything and they moved to New Mexico because they got a tax break. So money talks and money talks, and we'll do it now. The problem with California and Los Angeles and Hollywood. Word in the business is we have to pretend like we're artists on the way to go to New Mexico to save 13 percent on taxes, right? Yeah. So we talk art. We talk about this girl as a hero and an inspiration, everything while we're leaving to go to Vancouver to shoot a movie and drop our money off in Canada or whatever. So but we overcompensate with the comp. But but so that's what the NBA does. They talk about no child being left behind and the children and the kids and the people and the women and whatever. And then they go to China and hammer some checks, right? So that's that's where we're at. Yeah, people might just get used to it. Yeah, money is the money conquers all, bro. So people are just submitting to it. And yeah, and that's why I'm starting to realize, like as a young artist, I was like, Oh, people are going to see me and be like, Oh, this guy is good. He has a point is something he wants to say. We want to work with him, and then I start to realize I'm like, Man, this is a business. Think like a business man. And you know, that's what, like my brothers, I have three brothers. One is a neurosurgeon, while another brother owns his own law firm. And my other brother is a mortgage banker. And it's like they they speak business, they speak money. And like my mom, even when she came here, she didn't teach us Arabic. She didn't teach us students. She tried to teach us money, right? And she's like, This is the language you need to learn. I got on a plane two years ago, went to Detroit and did a corporate gig for Chaldeans. And I f**king hate Chaldeans. But they paid us. They paid every minute of this price. That's right. That's f**king f**king vomit after I got off stage, but I get every one of those filthy Chaldean hands because that g*****n check cleared. So let it be known. That's the real. Yeah, sorry. Not my real talk. The language of the dollar Rita with my arch enemies. The Chaldeans. I never heard of a called the year before that. Let me give you a plug. By the way, Detroit player that's on YouTube is where the standup special is. And there's live shows. Oh, Netflix is a joke out here in Los Angeles. Yeah, I'm doing one of those somewhere. The Hotel Cafe that'll be May six and then we're doing it. You're doing again at the Troubadour Dispatch in May 7th. So doing the whole Netflix is a joke festival out here. Paul, thanks for coming out, man. Great to finally meet you, man. Really good. Well, when I walked off that stage in Detroit, I swore I would never look another Chaldean in the eye. I hired you. You're one of the good ones. All right. You can go to Adam Curl that. Com For live shows everywhere. I'll be in. I'll be over. Jimmy Kimmel's club. Isn't that this? Wait a minute. My score in states up it got this Thursday or something like August talking might have been Mike August. I don't see it on. Oh, it's not this Thursday. I did other show this Thursday. I think I do have a show this Thursday. All right. Anyway, I do. Oh, I didn't make the list. All right. We'll have to just that. You can go to CNN.com for our live shows because Bakersfield and Chicago and Salt Lake City and oh man, all over the place. And Felipe Spa's just go check that fool out too, because he's funny. Philippe's worlds where you go. And until next time, SAMCRO for our Paul and Philip and Chris San Mahalla, stay and leave us a voicemail if you like the call at eight six three four one seven or more. And you can see the H man live by getting some tickets at Adam Carolla dot com. Pluto TV is as easy as it is free, and it's totally free. With over 300 channels and thousands of TV shows and movies, finding what you love has never been easier. Just open the app and something good will already be plain because it's curated by real humans who love TV as much as you do. 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