Ep. 27 - Seth Godin: Guts and Glory

Transcript

Straight Up with Stassie. Hi, everyone. I'm Stassie Schroeder. She's the star of Bravo's Vanderpump Rules. I'm here to talk about pop culture, reality TV, celeb gossip, relationships. Stassie's new podcast is a hilarious look at the world and everyone in it. I wanna give my opinion on everything. And she's never one to hold back on any topic. Because that's what I do best, judge. This is straight up with Stassie. Hello, everyone. I'm so excited right now because I just watched a legit trailer, which I will talk about in a little bit. You know what? I'll tease that for a while. You know what I mean? I am here with I just like to collect comedian friends, I think. I just I collect comics as friends. I've I've I feel like I'm now a comedy groupie, like a full on one. They love that. Yeah. I'm here with one of the funniest women I've ever met, Jacqueline Marfugi, which I've been freaking out about. Like, can I say her last name right? You're worthy you did it. So I'm like, is it Marfugi? Is it Marfugi? Is it it Marfugi? You know what I mean? I might do, like, bougie Marfugi. Oh. Oh. That's good. I never thought you you did it. You invented it. Yeah. Yeah. Don't copy write that s**t without talking to me because girl needs to make some money anytime she can. Right. You know what I mean? I feel you, girl. So thank you for being here. You guys, I was introduced to Jacqueline over the summer, and I saw a bunch of her shows. Yeah. And she is so funny and so into, like she does, like, really good, like, white girl Hollywood shtick. You know what I mean? Yes. I I have so many things written about you that it's like I don't even kinda know what to say first because okay. So she's Italian, Irish, mainly like Italian because, like, do you, like, really talk about how you're Irish? Not at all. No. I take Jameson shots. Well, that Which that's something. That's probably the most Irish thing about me, which I do not recommend girls that will give you wrinkles. No dark whiskey. Wait. Are you serious? Yes. Always drink clear. Definitely. I have I'm sorry. Hold on. Are you telling me that brown, like, colored liquor gives you wrinkles, but clear liquor does not? Okay. I, like, don't believe you right now. Do you wanna put someone that sips on Grey Goose all day next to an Irish whiskey swigging girl in Boston, tell me who looks prettier. Well, I think that's just because she lives in Boston. You know? You're right. They have seasons. They have seasons. It gets cold and like, you know, they probably don't like spray tan or Botox or highlight their hair. Oh, weird. That's like what I did today. Well, you live here. Hence my point. Called maintenance, guys. You know, speaking of which, Jacqueline walked into my apartment. She's like, you're you're so tan. And I'm like, shut up. So someone emailed me, which I very much appreciate, and I wish I had her name right now. Like, shout out to whoever emailed me that I should I should start real tanning because it gets rid of psoriasis. And so I tried it and it, like, burned off my psoriasis. It was crazy. It's true, guys. It's very flat. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's, like, no, like, raised, like, dry, flaky bump. It's, like, so crazy, but I did get she told me not to spray tan, but, like, I got one after, you know. Like, I doubled up. So I look I look scary right now. You don't look scary. No. You look like you you got a little sunburn. I That's it. I feel like I should probably have brown hair right now because it's like, you know, I I like this. Well Situational? Yes. Because brown haired people, brunettes, can get away with being fake tan. We look too ethnic that look, guys, I had a spray tan, a little situation happened this morning also. Really? Yeah. You got your spray tan today? I did. I got it this morning because I now have dark hair. I recently went from so good because you have, like, beautiful green eyes. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks, girl. You look so welcome. I yeah. I went this morning because I did hot yoga and I had about an hour and a half in between hot yoga with Rachel O'Brien, someone who else who has done the podcast. Rachel's a shout out Rachel. Hi Rachel. I had a Good for you guys being so productive. And then I had to get to work in Beverly Hills and I knew Melrose Tam would be open at 10 AM. So I showered really quick. I didn't put any oils or lotions on because a good spring hits Of course. Burner. No thoughts to do that. No. No. You should, like, rub yourself in, like, rubbing alcohol to make sure there's not a, like, a drop of oil on you. I know. Yes. So I went to Melrose Tam. I was so proud of myself. I got there on time. It doesn't open until 11 because that used to be my place. I'm sorry. Yeah. I don't go there anymore, but that was my place for 6 years, 11 AM. So do you wanna know something? Yes. The very funny comedian, J. Chris Newberg, happened to call me when I was on my way to Beverly Hills to go to work, and I was like, I am having a traumatic day. And you're dry dry skin. Dry skin, no makeup on. No makeup. I was like, you know No tan. Like, thinking, okay. No foundation. I'll have a tan. No. And I was, like, yeah. I just my spray tan place is closed. And he went, oh, spray La Vie. So you'll see. And I went, what? No, guys. J. Chris Newburg is a very straight, very pale comic from Detroit. He I've met him. Yes. Yes. He did say he was like, what are you doing later? I said, I'm doing Stacey's podcast. And he went, she's really hot. Oh, Jay, you know, like hit a girl up. Thank you so much. Yeah. Well, you should probably see me now. Not that hot. I look like an Indian girl with platinum hair. So not that hot. I feel like that's trending. I feel like that's You might be right. That's a thing. Yeah. You know? I could see that. Mixed babies. Oh, yeah. Ugh. Everyone has a mixed baby. Right? I do. But I don't like the racist alert ethnic sometimes. I like hanging out, but I just I have a type and it's usually Italian. Anyway, back to my spray tan story. I went to spray Lavee. Spray Lavee. Where's spray Lavee? That's right across from Rock and Riley. It's on Sunset. Hi, spray Lavee. Oh, so like right up the street from my apartment. It was on the way. Yes. It's right next to your apartment. And they only do spray tans. They because it's called spray level. Right? I think so. So don't go there for your psoriasis support. Yeah. No. Yeah. And I went and the first time I went in, I literally had 15 minutes. She went, oh, it's gonna take 2 minutes. I go in. I finish everything and it just feels like air on my body. I don't have any bronze and I come out and I'm like, is that what it's this is my first time here. Is that what it's supposed to be like? And she's like, oh my god, I forgot to turn the spray on you. Oh my god. And I was like That's like my worst nightmare. Like I always wonder, like, whenever I go get spray tans, like, if the girl's gonna forget and I'm gonna to, like, wall like, get dressed again, go out there That's what I did do. Yell at a b***h. That happened today. So, yeah. Oh my gosh. And I was kinda pissed. I I, like, wanna give Spray Lavi a shout out because I do like the color. It's great. I had to go back in and I was late for work and there was no, like, discount. There like, if something happens at a restaurant, you give them a free drink. Absolutely. You bring a dessert. You bring something. Yeah. 2% off the bill. Right? Don't try to sell me a package after you f**ked up. Oh, totally. So yeah. So So does, like, spray Levy have, like, different types of spray tans you can get? I I Or is it just 1? All the Versa machines, I think. Is that what I do? Stop. I don't really know. Do you do Mystic? I feel like I do everything. No. Well, normally I do Mystic. Okay. Unless, like, I have to have my armpits browned as well and I can't have the lines. Then I'll be, like, you know, if I know that, like, somebody's gonna be paying attention to the fact that, like, I'm tan, like Yes. Then I'll get somebody to do it. Okay. But it's not my fave. You know what I mean? Like, standing there naked and, like, having random small talk and, like, my vagina's in her face. I used to spray tan celebrities for a living. Oh my god. And I had to stop when Oh, this is the best thing I've ever heard. I oh my god. I spray tatering you in this apartment right now, girl. Oh my god. Do you have a spray tatering, like, machine? No, but I'm so good with the can. I used to. I used to. I don't have it anymore. Okay. Listen. I'll just buy one and I'll be like, come over. I I know all the And you can do it. Okay. Tell me why I finally stopped when one of our clients was like, oh, hey. My boyfriend's gonna do it too. And I was stuck in the apartment and in the shower with her naked boyfriend, like, penis in face, just trying to be professional. It wasn't hard. Which is worse. I feel like an unhard penis is, like, uglier to look at. Yeah. And it's, like, offensive. Like, am I not pretty? Right? I was like, what? I'm bowing down spraying you. Yeah. Like, this is the position you would normally want a hot girl in, and you're telling me you don't like it? No. He was very very devoted to his crazy Armenian girlfriend. Question. Mhmm. Do guys like you to spray their penis? It was his first time. He was my only guy. This sounds like I'm Yeah. I think you're a lesbian. You're a person. My first time at my only well, yeah. For that, yes. I did not spray the penis, and he did not ask me to. I think we were both very uncomfortable. And then after he got out, he, I guess, went to sit on I was, like, cleaning everything up, and he went to sit on their, like, very expensive leather couch, and she reached out to us. I would too. Right? Yeah. That would be like a Nuuly spanned guy. I'd like a deal breaker. We would have broken up. Yeah. No. And I think she was also, like, secretly jealous that, like, I was just in the shower, like, with her naked blanket. That was her choice. Exactly. But sometimes, you know, like, when a threesome goes bad, not that I know. That's exactly what it was probably like. That's what like, when Samantha from Sex and the City was like, out, b***h. Yeah. Totally. Richard, no. You're mine. Like, she thought it would be cool, but no. Yeah. No. See, that's I'm Yeah. That's why I've never engaged in anything like that. You know? Like I know better. I recently had an ex hit me up this weekend. Really? For a threesome? He used to always want me to have those. Really? Oh. The breaking point for me was when he invited me on Valentine's Day to go to sanctum. Have you ever heard of sanctum? No. But it sounds like rectum. Like like sanctum. Rectum. They might have a room that's rectum themed there. So what is sanctum? Sanctum. He thought it would be romantic for us to go to sanctum which is a member's only private sex club in Beverly Hills. Wait. That s**t exists? That s**t look up sanctum and unfortunately, I have I Guys, everyone look up sanctum. Look up sanctum. Everybody look up sanctum. Right now and don't like their Facebook page because it will show up in your friends' feeds that you liked it. Oh my god. I'm gonna like it. I need to write some dumb. Wait. It's like kind of like, at first, you're like, oh, this is kind of sexy. Like, Stassi, did you like the movie Eyes Wide Shut? Yes. I love that movie. Love it. Yeah. Like It's like all, I'm like this is what I think of whenever I watch that. Side note. Okay? Yeah. Like, when they're in, like, that weird, like, the first time he walks in, I'm like, this is all I can think of. How the f**k did this director find all of these perfect bodied Avatar women? Where are they? I don't know one person in my life that has a body like that. Not one. I all my friends have beautiful, amazing, skinny, voluptuous, great body. We everything. But this is like a freak of nature. Like It's like better than Victoria's Secret model. So why are none of them Victoria's Secret models? No. That's all I can ever think about. No. I feel like you, no homo, kind of have a body like that. Oh my god. Yes. You need to see me naked. Oh my god. I'm that was the sweetest thing that you've ever said, but, like, you should you should probably see me naked. I mean, you know, we're drinking tequila, guys. Shout out to Don Julio. Yeah. Shout out to Don Julio. Thank you, Stasi. You're such a good host. Well, I just love that that, you're making me okay. I'm trying to look up sanctum and it's like a sci fi movie. And it Is it in Beverly Hills maybe? Sanctum. This was over 2 or 3 years ago, so it might have been shut down. Go away, it says. That's exactly what I told him when he invited me on Valentine's Day to go there. That's it. There you go. Oh my it is literally like eyes wide shut. Guys, there's a party January 30th, apparently. Wait. Hold on. So wait. So did you go? No. Then we stopped talking. How long had y'all been dating? We were dating on and off for over 2 years. It was long distance, and then he moved to LA. That's a really Like He moved to LA for you? No. Because of business. He was a chemical engineer. And they always have to go to LA. Right. Right. That chemical engineer situation. It's a thing. Yeah. But he, like, didn't look like you know, what do you picture when you hear chemical engineer, like, books wise? Well, I'm really positive when it comes to things like that. So, like, I'm picturing, like, a, like, a sexy, like, build. Like, I know about, like, engineering, but, like, it's not what you think because it's chemicals. You know what I mean? That's exactly what he was like. Right? Like, all American. I introduced him to the family, and I was, like, so proud to show him off like a shiny object. Yes. So he was hot? Yes. He was very hot. Yeah. Because I think you expected me to be, like, a nerd, but, like, no. Like, I'm just, like, really optimistic when it comes to dudes, I guess. I don't know. Oh, your glasses have full, girl. Oh, no. Only when it comes to dudes. Oh, I like that. Nothing else in my life. Please. We'll get to that later. I wanna talk about dating and stuff like that. Oh, we're gonna talk I I have a feeling we're just gonna go over because like I have so many you've already brought up so many things. I'm like, wait, we need to talk about wait, so sanctum. So sanctum, whatever, that didn't happen anyway. But do people actually have sex there? People do. Do you have to do that? No. You can observe. I think I would go and observe. I I kind of would be down to do that now. Like I I it was weird because I was in love with him and I didn't know how I'd feel about that. I've never been in a situation. He wanted to join. I on Valentine's Day, you could pay, like, $1,000 fee to go to the party. It's kind of like like, you know, I used to work for Karma. Did have you heard of Karma? Credit Karma? Hate that place. f**k that. Don't even get me started on credit. I don't wanna talk about that anymore. You know, like, I don't wanna talk about that either. Anyway Moving along. I used to do bottle service at the Playboy Mansion and it was You've experienced a lot. Girl, we could go through list of jobs. Guys, I'm very relatable. Like, I'm trying to say. I started a very young age. Our family owned restaurants, so hostess, waitress. I worked at a TGI Fridays. I worked in a dry cleaners. Oh. Right? Dry cleaners. That was like the cool thing, like all the cool because you worked there after school. It was like walking distance from our high school. Did you all do like dry clean things? I default. I was terrible at it. I couldn't keep track of anyone's clothes. Honestly, that sounds like the worst job ever. It was terrible. That, I couldn't handle that. I quit. I worked at Victoria's Secret. That was the worst job ever. Which, because you have to measure people's boobs? I know. That didn't bother me. I the underwear, there's so much of it. Like the inventory. That's true. Think about all the thongs that and I love lingerie. No. Yeah. Bad. Very bad. No. I did that. This the mobile spray tanning, personal favorite of mine. I I I'd like to hear more eventually about that. Playboy Mansion bottle server. Okay. So how long were you a bottle server at the like, first of all, I didn't even know the Playboy Mansion, like It's so stupid. Were you a bottle server for, like, the Karma Foundation Karma Foundation. Okay. Would bring us in. Like, there'll be a Halloween party, a Valentine's Day party, a a June, July party. I almost got killed at I had to wait on p ditty. Like, I he was like the performer for one of the parties and you had his table. I I was one of the girls that had his table and of course, we ran out of, coconut Ciroc, which Natural. Natural. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. That yes. Why? Like my like my okay. Whatever. Yeah. And I love coconut Ciroc with soda. Try it. It's very refreshing. I can imagine. Yeah. It's good. So I had to, like, walk across the property to go get it, which doesn't make any f**king sense. But I also had another cabana with Grey Goose bottles, so I was carrying both. So I had Grey Goose and Coconut Ciroc in one arm. And I guess you cannot show p. Diddy another type of alcohol. Like, it cannot be around him. Like it's in his rider? Yes. Like, riders. Riders. I'll ask you later what would be in your rider. Alright. Yeah. So all of his security, like, stopped me, and it was so scary. I thought someone was gonna pull a gun on me. So that was me almost dying at the beginning of the 2010 because I had Grey Goose in my arm. And they were really because there was a logo. Yeah. Because there was Grey Goose and that's not allowed. So do not bring Grey Goose around p. Ditty guys. I know you all hang out with them. Wait. That is insane. I know. It's crazy. You know what? I'm just gonna have, like, you know, in my rider, like, no girls that are hotter than me. You know what I mean? So pissing the trap and get out. I love you. I'm just gonna live in, like, in, like, total ignorance and bliss. You know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna make everyone weigh themselves before they come into my house. Like like, oh, you're Please do that. You weigh less? Like get the f**k out of here. Perfect. How dare you show up looking all skinny and s**t. That's so rude of you. I didn't wear a bra today to support your your new boobs. Thank you. Yes. So I appreciate it. Well, you have really good boobs. Oh, God. Thank you. That must be nice. What is that like to just like have boobs that just like stay up naturally without having to spend a lot of money on that? It's I don't it's called I eat a lot of carbs for Christmas and so they're a little bigger and cuter now. Oh, so they're like a little more rounded. They are. They are. They're cuter. The rest of me, not so much. Shut up. But it's okay. Please shut up. We're working on it. It's a grind. It's fine. You know what I mean? It's a grind. It is. You went to hot yoga today. I did. And I like fat shamed myself the entire time in the mirror. And I was like, okay. Get over yourself, Jacqueline. Like you're here. Wait. Stop. You're not supposed to have a mirror in yoga. Right? Thank you. I've never gone to a yoga studio that had a mirror. That's what's so annoying about yoga in Beverly Hills and like Hollywood. You have mirrors? Mirrors and you're right up against it and you're next to your hot friends and you get really distracted and everyone's like half naked. I always try to cover up, but then I like hyperventilate because I have so much clothing on. It's not it's bad, guys. First of all, I didn't realize that, like, people actually went to hot yoga. I thought it was, like, a myth. At 7 AM. What? Who wakes up? It's a cult. I wake up at, like, 10:30 on a good day. Oh my god. I love that. You go to 7 AM yoga? Yeah. O'Brien and I did today. She picked me up at, like, 6:40 minutes. Right? That is crazy. That girl. No. It's great. Oh my god. Yoga was, like, the scare I was obsessed with yoga last year. Oh, okay. And I just loathed going in there and seeing girls in their sports bras and and, like, booty shorts because I'm like, why would you wanna make me feel like that? No. You know? Like, why would you wanna make me feel insecure? It's it's like 3rd like, put your confidence away. Don't brag about your confidence like that. Like, do that at home. Do it in front of your boyfriend. Boyfriend. Like We don't need to see it. Don't do that to us. There's maybe 1 guy in the class, and he's probably gay. Yes. Exactly. Like, who are you showing off for? Exactly. We're all about, like, inner confidence and, like, girl self empowerment here. Yeah. And then I, like, go to yoga thinking that I'm gonna, like, feel better about myself and I see some hot chick and, like, who's so confident that she can wear a sports bra and I'm like, what is what is that like? Well, no. I think there's like a new body factory that exists for girls under 25, because I don't understand how bodies are made this way. I don't think it's plastic surgery. But for some reason, like, at my gym, it's all they're not like the total curvy like Nicki Minaj body where it's like too aggressive on both ends. You're gonna piss me off right now. I am. But it's they're all just it's The smallest waist. The smallest waist. Bubble butt. The bubble butt. Skinny legs with a thigh gap. A thigh gap, which I learned at a very young age from all my Italian guy cousins. That's the hottest part on a female. I beg to differ. Wait. But none of my guys that I've ever dated I thought you were gonna say the opposite, because I've never dated a guy that was, like, oh, thigh gap. They weren't honest with you. Wait. That's the first thing guys look for. You are such a liar, Evelyn. I'm serious. I was told that from a very young age. Maybe it's an Italian thing. It's all about the triangle. I judge, like, my weight on the triangle. The golden triangle. I've never had a triangle. Oh, it's because you know what? See, a lot of girls, you don't even need the thigh gap because you have, like, tiny thighs. You just have, like, railroad tracks, which is even better. Yeah. But thighs just don't touch. Yes. Except at no. They touch, like once, like you know what's really funny is, like, when I wear a miniskirt, it looks like I have the most thigh gap ever. Yeah. But little does everybody know that, like, where the miniskirt ends is exactly where my legs touch and, like, get thicker. Yep. So, no, I I don't know what the triangle is. I've never had a thigh gap. Technically, I've never had a thigh gap. Even when I was at, like, my most anorexic, I still don't guys never touch. I'm telling you. At the top, they do. Oh, where, like, they meet your thigh, your your hip bone? Seriously, it's like a piano leg situation. I have no calves. So it, like, just goes from, like, really skinny at the bottom, really small ankles to just, like, slowly bigger. You're an a*****e. I know. Can you just, like, take back what you said about thigh gaps? I will. That also happened. That statement was probably made in, like, 2001. Oh, fine. So it's like a vintage thing. Yeah. It's so vintage that it doesn't even count. Anyway, like, I just don't understand how these bodies are made now though. Well, I've been telling myself that it was, Instagram, Photoshop, and, like, like, butt injections, but now you're telling me that you think it's real? Like, I get distracted in class because I just see it in my face, and I'm, like, holy f**k. It's cool though. I bet they're not as funny as we are. I bet they don't have any personality. Oh, I like to tell myself that. You know? But they all do. They're all like on They are. They're all just like on the way. Disney channel. They're they're Disney princess. You're right. That's it. And I left Disney. I I played a Disney worker in my UCB class yesterday, which A Disney worker or a Disney princess? Not a Disney. We had to do an improv. So guys, Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, real quick, was started by Amy Poehler. It's an improv class that I take. So baller. And I just started taking it over because I was like, maybe I should start improv again. And it was our 1st day of class, and I realized halfway through that my fly was down. You know, you win some, you win some. Yeah. And then I looked down like 10 minutes later and I was wearing like a plaid flannel shirt and I realized a button had popped open. And I Just know you got those perky boobs, you know. Sorry. Those tigled bitties. And our teacher saw me, like, buttoning it, and he went, thanks for taking care of that. I was just like Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Because, you know, apparently I'm offending the whole cla*s. I'm sorry that you have perky breasts. Oh, that's kind. Or clothes that are too small. So sorry for you. I know. So, yeah. So you guys, Jaclyn is, well, she's been in Hollywood for a while. She's been in a lot of s**t. You know, you've been in, like, I don't know which of the things you want me to, like, you know, name because things that I have so much, like, listed. Like, she's been on, like, tons of funnier dies sketches. Like, I read about, like, Yahoo comedies like The Flip Side. Right. That was so fun. She's been in a bunch of movies like Frat House Massacre. Sounds like a Sounds like an academy award winner. I was the head of a sorority in that guy. So it's a coke dealing sorority girl. Oh. Like spoon queensie. Oh. Yeah. Sorority. She's like like I have so many things listed that, like, I don't even should I just, like, list off your s**t? I'm, like, the least famous girl who's done, like, the most s**t. Okay. Let me talk about my favorite thing because I wanna get to this, like, trailer that I just watched of hers. Yes. Because it's so she you b***hes in WeHo. K? Yeah. That's how this started out. Right? Yes. Did you come up with this or explain what this is? So b***hes in WeHo is a rap parody of Jay z and Kanye's and I like to be politically correct, n in Paris. Do we all know that song? The Yeah. Luton yeah. That one. Loved that song when it came out. And for some reason, b***hes and WeHo came out of it. And So it's, like, the funniest you guys have to YouTube this, and I'll provide a link when this when you're listening to this when this podcast comes out. She's so good. Okay. Well, she start you danced as well. You grew up dancing. Yeah. I grew up on dance competition teams. That's kind of how all this started. Do you watch Dance Boms? I did. I did. They're it's very exaggerated, guys. It's scary. It's scary. I'm like, I watch it, I'm like, thank God my mom ever made me do that s**t. Like, is that what that crap was like? All my friends going to dance class? You know what the sad thing is though? My mom was always like so cool. I wanted her to be like a dance mom. A dance mom? Yeah. Like, I'll be always like that. You always want what you can't have. And I have massive FOMO. I don't know if anyone else has fear of missing out, but I always I stifle it now. I've I've grown. I've matured, where now I don't give a f**k. But I used to be like, I want anything I can't have. Woah. So you really do have FOMO. I'm a Gemini. I mean, it's like back and forth, back and forth. Dude, I have JOMO and that is joy of missing out. I am Cheers to that. Okay with missing out. You know who I was thinking about today, actually? J. Lo. Love how I'm sorry. Jenny from the block, still has abs. I the f**k? I mean, don't even get me started on how hot, how perfect. But she doesn't drink. I read this whole thing with her. She doesn't because I'm like, what is her she did this whole thing on Us Weekly that was like, what what's her secret? And she's like, I don't drink. And I'm like, well, no. I don't care. I don't actually care to look like you j lo because I am just not willing to sacrifice that. Right? I just I can't. It's And it's so fun. Not even caffeine. No. So she doesn't even have like a sip of green tea. That's why she works out so much though. That's like her pleasure. That's all she could do. That's Yeah. But I kind of it was I was talking to someone about what you wore to the Golden Globes, which I thought was gorgeous. It was my favorite. So why are you, like, saying, like, you're gonna it was my favorite. This is my thing with J. Lo though, and you might disagree with me. Okay. Because I I love her. I think she always brings it. Yeah. But I also wanna miss her a little bit. Like, I feel like right now it's like she has shades of blue. She's on American Idol. She has her Vegas show coming out. It's like great. And I just feel like she's been in our faces so much. I wanna be like, oh, like surprised or like excited about what she's gonna wear. See, I can never have like too much of anything. So Yes. I I don't care. You're like, no. J. Lo all day every day. Yes. Love J. Lo. And honestly, I thought what she wore to the golden globes was like, so different from what she normally wears because normally it's, like, see through cutout everything. Like, okay. I get you're, like, you have the hottest body ever. This was just, like, so, like, movie star. I kind of thought of that. Seriously. You need to get that made only in, like, ice blue. Oh my Think about it. Drop the thing about it. My That is my dream dress. No. Seriously. Ice blue And that cut. Do it. Mhmm. With, like, the leg, like, thigh, like The way she positioned it. Too. Guys, who who loved that slit? That was good slit. It was good. Yeah. I know. I love it. Subject of j lo. I I the FOMO thing that we need to miss it. Yeah. So you Oh, b***hes in Yeah. b***hes in so she's she's an amazing dancer. So she also is a rapper. I also love rap music. I grew up in Jersey and that kind of transitioned me to being exposed to a lot of, you know, Biggie and, JZ. Biggie. Notorious via, you know, Biggie Biggie Biggie. Can't you see that? Yeah. With you. We were very young, but I was friends with a lot of guys that owned nightclubs and bars. And shout out to the Whiskey Brooklyn. They're amazing. Hey. I wanna go. Yeah. Whiskey Brooklyn. Next time we're in New York. Check it out, guys. They're amazing. Can I host a night there? Yeah. You could do whatever you want. They're big supporters. We wear all their stuff in, like, pitches and WeHo. They always send out they distill their own vodka and whiskey. It's called Law Lawless. It's amazing. Maybe I should just, like, find one of those owners and have them be my second husband. I mean, you should. Right? Wait. He distills his own vodka? I know. Yes. Sign me up. We will come visit you guys, Whiskey Brooklyn. So yeah. Anyway, they exposed me to Jay z. I mean and I went to Coachella, and Jay z was my first Coachella when Beyonce came out. That kind of, like, started the whole thing. Oh, that was, like, a long time. That was a while ago. And then I had a Live Nation fairy god godfather who happened to just give us tickets to Jay z. Like, I went to all the shows when Jay z and Kanye did watch the throne here. Yeah. And that, like, inspired me. And then I went to see what else? Oh, I went to New Year's Coldplay Jay z. We went backstage. That's cool. That was cool. That's really cool. We were next to I touched the stage. We backstage, it said, you know, Blue Ivy's compound. This was when she was a little baby. Yeah. Exactly. That's really cool. That happened. They messed up the countdown that year which was so weird. Was anyone paying attention? Not at all. No. Jay was throwing like ace of spades on the opposite. I thought you were gonna say Jay was throwing blue ivy, but no. You know what? I'd I'd pay a lot of money to see that. Absolutely. In person? Yeah. Yes. Please. That's one of my favorite line. You guys, wait. Look up this what is how can people look up this YouTube video? If you just Google WeHoClick, it's w e h o and then c l I q u e. We're on YouTube or you can look up, just my website, jacklamarfuji.com. Oh, yeah. Go there because it's easier to it's it's easier to find that music video. Yeah. Just find, and I'll post all this stuff because this music video, my favorite line is, like wait. Say it. I can't rap. Instagram's so hard, blue. How do you wanna find me? Yeah. Follow me. Follow me. It's amazing. I was just, like, dying. Like, oh my god. You guys, it's so funny. So we actually that was our first video. That was a few years ago. I don't want you guys to think that I'm just, like, trying to make, like, old school videos now. We did a Justin Bieber parody, which is very relevant. Valentine's Day is coming up. It's called Boyfriend, Girlfriend, and it's about being a psycho girlfriend. That's amazing. Well, I am one of those, so I could relate. I love it. No. Guys love the psycho girlfriends. I think so because I always have a boyfriend. So, like, I must be doing something right. You know what I mean? It's like I think guys are, like, intrigued. Can you give us, like, the top three things a girl can do to, like, be just psycho enough but, like, keep a guy? Like, keep him coming back for more? Alright. Change his Icloud password and then, change the, you know, the security questions so that he can never figure it out. You know? So you're just And then you just say, like, pay me if you wanna know. You know what I mean? In Chanel bags. Thank you. That's a personal favorite. Number 2, I would say is, make sure you have his credit card information, like, with, like, you know, the, like, 3 digit on the back, like, all the information. All the info. Yeah. And when you know he's just deposited a check and isn't really looking at s**t, like, you go and order some things online if you feel like he's being an a*****e. And most of the time Yeah. They don't know. You never noticed. Did on football Sunday. Yeah. They don't notice. Yeah. Number 3, I would say that is just taking down his Social Security number just in case anything ever gets, like, real bad. Like, s**t gets real. Yeah. Mhmm. So those are my top 3, like, psycho, but, like, you know, they still keep you around because they're not exactly sure that you changed their iCloud email password. And, they didn't know you bought that bracelet, and they don't know that you have their Social Security number. And because you're just that good at everything else, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Exactly. Right? No. I feel like guys always need to be little scared. Yes. Keep them on edge. Of course. Right? You know what I mean? Men love crazy b***hes. Yeah. Have you ever heard of the book, Not Your, Mother's Rules? No. But it sounds like one I'd like. Okay. So the rules came out maybe 25 years ago, like, when we were born Yes. When you were born. I'm a little older than Spicy Guy. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. And their daughters are now in their twenties and dating and they were like, you need to update this. That's amazing. And so Time times change. I mean, yeah. Internet dating apps, Facebook, all that s**t. That's changed all the games. Yeah. So I recommend this to anyone that's single. It's definitely helped me. Find this. They Honestly, you don't have to be single. Just help you be a better girlfriend. I'll go get that. I feel like wanna I I took notes. Yes. Tell me, please. Everyone listening is gonna wanna know anyway. And this this is more just to, like, get you I wanna say for anyone who's, like, lost a little confidence or who feels like they're in the same cycle and, like, can't break out of it. It definitely helped me. I was going through something where I was dating a guy on and off for over a year and, like, he committed then didn't commit. And just one of those situations which is the worst that you as well. Made you go to a sex play. That was the one before him. I learned all the lessons. But you know those situations where you just have to pick yourself up and be like, if I don't take myself out of this, it's never gonna end? Yeah. Like, this helped with that. Yeah. So okay. Wait. Their mantra is for you ladies, and some of it's super cheesy. It's like a bunch of, like Cheesier the better. Cheesier the better. It helps. It resonates. I don't agree with everything. But have to put it on your Instagram, but, you know, just say it to yourself quietly. Just know it on the ins it's like getting a bikini wax. You know it's there. You know it's there. No one else does. No one else does. Yeah. I think that's important. I got you. So their thing is be a creature, like, unlike any other wait. Let me rephrase that creature creature. Unlike any other. Yeah. You know, which, you know, just own it. Like, no one else is like you. Be cool. Love that. When you're asked why you're still single, I just haven't met the right guy yet. Fantastic answer. Definitely. When you're out with someone new, you don't have to answer every question. You know, never put yourself down or act self destructive. Don't be an open book. Listen. Like, hold back a little bit. Like, see what this guy is about. Mhmm. You're like, I don't know if I feel that's I haven't read these in a while. Yeah. Let me I'm like, don't be an open book. Oh, s**t. I'm doing that's the only thing I know out of this Instagram. This is one and I'm not gonna lie, I feel like it does work. They have a whole looks section. Just read through some of that. Okay, guys. So in their looks section I told you. It's a little too. About this. Okay. Long straight hair, lighter shade hair color, brunettes get highlights, but guys like brunettes. That doesn't even make sense. You wanna know something about my hair, guys? I used to have highlights. I dyed it brown, like, dark brown, and all the girls I'm friends with compliment it. No guys like it. What? I haven't had any guy come up to me and be, like, wow, your hair looks really great. Every girl is, like, oh my god. Yeah. I compliment. I was like, oh my god. It looks so good. I want dark hair too. No. You're an ice princess. I dyed my hair brown right before season 1 of Vanderpump Rules, and my producers were like, what the f**k? Dye that s**t back immediately. Oh. I love brunettes. I just, like, I've, like, always desperately wanted to be, like, this like show you something. Guys, this is what I'm gonna tell you. Brunettes love blondes. Blondes love brunettes. I went through a phase. Being Italian and from Jersey, all of all of the women in my family look like Stassi. Really? Like blonde hair blue. My mom, blonde hair blue. That's like that northern Italian situation. Oh, but none of the women are Italian. That's that's the thing. I went through a whole blonde this was when I was a ramett on I was the only blonde. Oh, my god. It was terrible, but I That is, like, blonde. It's yeah. Bleached blonde. I just love your hair now. Thank you. You still look pretty. I mean, s**t. Thanks, girl. Must be nice to know you can do anything. No kidding. I didn't get back to this, like, note situation? There we go. Oh, okay. Lighters okay. So I'm not I don't know how I feel with the lighter shade thing. And I don't know how I feel about the long straight thing because guys love, like, volumous, voluminous hair. I think bed tazzled hair. Like a little Victoria's Secret Angel, model f for that. Yes. Ish. Shh. Makeup bronzed liner mascara lip gloss standard, actually. Yeah. I think I hit the nail on the head. There's a quote here. Mae West says, there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. And that is true. Right? You know? I mean, I had no free time last week. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. I had appointment after appointment after appointment, and I'm not gonna say I'm a rich b***h. I have 3 jobs and hustle because I like to keep up with that s**t. Absolutely. I this week, oh my god. I'm so you had an appointment after I felt like I had that this week where I'm, like, what am I doing with my life? Like, I literally, like, I got my hair done on Monday, like, highlighted in extensions and, like, recut, then I got my eyebrows done, then I got the spray tan, but, like, first, like, real tan to get rid of my psoriasis, then got new nails done, like, every like, I'm, like, what am I what am I doing? No. I literally, like, am just, like, every day. So busy. And I'm so yes. There's so much that I have to do. Like, oh, okay. Clothing. Sexy trendy dress wait. Well, this is just typos. Why does it say big 3 and troop earrings? I Is that a mistake? Guys like those apparently. Apparently, this is for men. This is a dressing for women. That's because that's what shippers do. Exactly. Well, no offense to any of my closest visitors. Yeah. Sorry, Khaleesi's. Yeah. No. I'm not into, like, big until they come, like until I see them in Vogue again, sorry. I am a follower when it comes to, like, some fashion things. I'm not gonna really be into, like, big hoop earrings. Like, I'll La la la. You know? Like Well, I mean, come on. On. Like, that's cheesy. It's coop earrings. Been around in a yes. It's cheese. It's so cheesy. I hate cheesy. I cannot stand it. Like, I like sleek. I like classy, but with an edge. Yes. Like, just have a little, like, in there. Right? And big hoop earrings, normally, they're not. That's that's normally no. Chunky gold watch, got that. I mean Right? Place. Big sunglasses, got that. Cool handbag. Yep. Men want to feel like they're dating a model or celebrity, so look like one. Best piece of advice I have ever gotten. Yeah. That's why. That's so true. Isn't it crazy? It's you know what? Like, all this stuff, the they're not huge feminists, and they say that on this thing. But they're, like, this is what has worked. We have million they're kind of, like, 2nd fingerings. Bearings really worked. Apparently, that's something I just can't adhere to. What state is that? They're from New York, actually. Shocking. But they have whole State New York? Like Buffalo. They have a whole section on texting they have a whole section on texting and Facebook. There's so many things. Yeah. I wanna read all those notes later. Yeah. Later. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Dating's hard. It's the apps. The apps. Yes. It's, like, it's a whole grind. It's a I finally I I, like, attempt, like you know when you're dating someone, you get mad at them and you're, like, I'm signing up for an app. Yeah. Should I just, like, go for this right now? If you want because I just signed up and I started, like, swiping yesterday. When did you sign up for? Guilty. I mean, I was just on Bumble and I'm not gonna go through with anything, but I did do the profile and I did start swiping and I felt really bad. Felt really bad. Alright. You guys, you know, I think that I like to be honest on this on this podcast. Sorry about that. You. Patrick and I got in a fight, and I thought we, like, broke up. So I was, like, I'm pretty sure I'm single. I was, like, crying for 2 days straight. Like, this sucks. This is miserable. I love him so much. Oh my god. So I'm, like, what am I gonna do to make myself feel better? Like, I don't know what to do. And I woke up one morning, and I'm, like, Amy Schumer met, like, a hot guy on Raya. Right? Should I try and get on Raya? It's called swipe attention. It is swipe attention. Yeah. So I got on Rya, and I'm, like, Rachel, I need you to come over and help me. Like, this is really weird. I feel uncomfortable. Like, I don't even wanna be dating. Like, I, like, I don't wanna even be broken up. So Rachel comes over and tries to, like, talk me through, like, just, like, not, like, killing myself, I guess. And so As a good friend would. Right? And so we made my little profile. I start, like, swiping to the left and the right and, like, hardcore, like, researching and stalking all these dudes, and I'm, like, this is so much fun. You went deep. Not even for, like it's, like, not even like I was interested in dating anyone. It was, like, I love stalking. Yes. It's so much fun to stalk. So then after we stalked for a while, I was like, we need to get out of the house. I need to put on makeup. I need to like, because I look like disgusting. She doesn't, by the way. She's gorgeous. Isn't she's in like sweats and a sweater. You didn't see what I looked like on Saturday. And so we're like, where should we go? So we go to visit Jacqueline. Yes. Where should we go? I thought you were, like, out and, like, doing press or something No. Before you came to me. No. Well, I did my hair I did my makeup and stuff because I'm, like, I'm not gonna feel bad for myself. Ellen Marfugi, my mom would been really proud of you. Oh, well Yeah. Thank you. Shout out to your mom. We'll talk about Elle later. Blonde bombshell Elle is her nickname. I wanna meet her. Oh, she'll be here next week. You can. Oh, I would love to. Yay. You can meet that parent. Yes. I love meeting the parents. Oh, they're fun. Parents are normally more fun than my friends. Exactly. They're much cooler than I am. Anyway, I digress. So I went to Jacqueline's work with Rachel, and we were, like, gone riot and all that stuff and, like, just, like, I don't know. Like, do I, I, like, I'm not gonna, like, message somebody for I don't even wanna message anybody. Like, this is I don't even wanna be whatever. You know what I mean? It's just, like, fun. It's just fun. Then, like, Patrick comes over at night, and then in the morning, we have a talk. And he's, like, I would would be like Oh, so he slept over? Well, no. Actually, I was like, this is gonna be a couch situation because I am a strong woman. I like that. You know? Yes. And so day. Yeah. That was like a a a day long breakup, I guess. But, Which could feel like a month. But I had to tell him. I was like, Patrick, I don't know because I just joined Rya. Taylor Swift is gonna copy that line, by the way. That's Tinder. It's like a good, you know what I mean, song lyric for, like, the like, the chorus. I might put that in my next parody. Right. Do you wanna do a guest appearance for me? It's only if I can talk about Raya. Love it. Patrick's like, what is Raya? And I'm like, it's like an exclusive date cap. And he's like, are you kidding me? He's like, tap. And he's like, are you kidding me? He's like, it's only been like a day. And I'm like, well, Patrick, like, I I was like crying. I thought I thought that this was serious and, like, what am I supposed to do? I had to make myself feel better by, like, swiping left or right. Like, I didn't know what to do. Swipe gratification. Yeah. So, well, now I'm not on Raya. But, like, I'm, like, hiding. Crying the cow. I'm, like, freezing the cat. Yeah. I thought that you needed to fold that over his head. Oh, I do. You know he's, like, open it up. Patrick and I keep joking about it now. Now it's a cute thing. It's a cute thing. Now you can't go back on my a*s when you well, you guys probably won't ever break up. But if that were to ever, god forbid, happen, it will remind you of him now because it's like a b***h. Because now it you're right. It is like a b***h. You can't do it. Yeah. Right? The struggle when you're, like Like, there's, you know, the movie Good Chef, a Sofia Vergari movie. I love that movie. Oh, well, you know what? I'll never see it because it was a bit with my ex jokes. Oh, that sucks. That sucks. And we, like, planned to go see it and we broke up right after it and whenever I see a billboard for it, I'm, like, f**k that movie. Oh my god. That sucks. I'm sorry because it's such a good one. I know. I should get over it. That's unfortunate. I'm over him. So, like, maybe I should just suck it up. So maybe she just, like, keep up with your situation. Like, the struggle to, like, date nowadays. It's bad. It was scary, like, like swiping. I'm, like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Like, you Have you ever gone on, like, an app date, though? I've never been on an app before. Oh, you're always in relationships. That's why. Yeah. Because you're a crazy b***h. Yes. Exactly. Crazy b***hes. I'm telling you. It's great. I'm telling you. Everyone, try it out. You know what I mean? You know what? Like, the girls that, like, hold back what they wanna say, just go for it. Let it out. I feel like I feel like you'll get what you want eventually from it. Right? Yeah. And you'll be with the guy that can actually handle you. Handle your craziness. That's what you need. I, like, pretended not to be crazy for, like, 4 days. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then I was just, like, here we get. Let let the floodgates open. I wish you guys could see the expressions on her face. She, like, is a kid that just walked into Dylan's candy. Yeah. Here we go. Enjoy the ride, motherf**ker. Yes. No. I love it. I have a joke where I'm like, I don't get it why it's so hot to be with a girl where you don't know if she's gonna kill you or come on you. It's right. Right? But it is. There's danger. I'd rather be one of those than than one of the others. Vanilla. I guess vanilla. Well, vanilla. Then there's the opposite. So I have a thing. I don't know. You this probably doesn't happen to you. I, am the girl that you date before you get engaged. So I'm like good luck Chuck but for guys, because I'm what they always wanna, you know, hook up with. I'm like have some fun and, like, they're sexy. I don't wanna marry you. And they're like, I can't handle. This is a lot And then I see them and I kid you not, I wish you guys could see me right now. I would pull up every single guy I've dated over the past 5 years and they're all with girls that are very mousy, vanilla, but like safe. Most of them are bloggers. No offense. You're you're a different kind of blogger. It's okay. I'm a I'm an a*****e blogger. I guess so. It doesn't matter. You're a feisty one. I like feisty bloggers. They're not sassy. They're not, you know, they say things like my Italian stallion and all. Oh, no. Oh, no. My lawn and all. Or someone like, guys, like Never. No one wants to hear that. I feel like if you're that in love You don't need to say it. You don't need to put it out there. Every now and then, a cute post. Right? Just like, you know, you gotta represent you and your man. Well, I'm starting to think that Amy Schumer might be, like, overcompensating for something because every single post now is, like, her and her boyfriend. I haven't seen them. I at least tell her it's the first one. Oh, no. It's like I feel like there's been, like, 8 now. I mean, maybe just, like, between the 2 of them, but they're, like, this is I would there's no place I'd rather be than on this beach with this woman, the most beautiful woman. Like, I'm, like, you guys, like, this is so over the top. Like, Amy, you're supposed to be, like, funny and, like, self deprecating and normal and, like, what? Can you just, like, stop? It's making me feel weird. I don't like that. Every couple goes through ups and downs. That's why, like, I really like talking about, like, Patrick and I's situation because it's, like, we're just like every other couple. You're real. Like, literally every other couple. We'll get in a fight, and I thought we broke up. You know what I mean? Well, the guy that I'm dating, Even though you have Bumble. Even though I have Bumble, I don't plan I want to be with him because I I think I don't know if you guys agree with this. I think it's very hard to find a person that you get along with that you can actually sit still and be silent with and laugh your a*s off with who you also want to have sex with all the time. Yes. You know? Like, I think that's a really hard thing It's so hard to find. To find. Normally, it's either a kind of one or the other. Yes. You know? Of course. That turns into either a hookup or a friend. Yes. You know? So when you do find that and you both want kind of the same things out of life and all that, you put up with all the other s**t and it is kind of like It's tricky. It's I feel like everyone I know is kinda going through it right now, but I feel like we're all at that age. Yes. Because we're at the age where it's like do we continue and get married and do this or do we like Yeah. We're like in a like a let's evaluate like where we are right now. Like, we're all like at a a certain age where it's like we can't stay in the same situation unless we're willing to like keep going with it. It's like it's very it's a lot of pressure. Right? And it's also, like, we also live in Hollywood, which is, like, pussy on a platter town. Absolutely. Like, there's a new s**t in it. What, like, the girls look like at the gym and in your cla*s. Like, I wanna kill myself. Oh, my god. Even the thought of, like, any of those girls, like, being around the guy I'm dating, I'm like, oh, f**k. Yes. And they're constantly being shipped in. But that's why, like, substance, like, when you do find someone that you get along with means so much. Yes. Because you can't find that every day. It's really hard. Chemistry. And I didn't realize that, like, I really didn't have, like, chemistry with, like, my old boyfriends. Maybe, like, a couple of them, but I think back on some of them, and I'm like Oof. What the f**k? Like, what? We didn't even, like, what? Yeah. Like, it was just so bad, and I, like, stuck around for so long. Why do you think you stuck along for so long? Because I was I was young. Mhmm. And so, like, I didn't have that much experience, so I thought, like, oh, well, this is how it is. Like, you know what I mean? Working through it. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, well, this is how and this is how men are, I guess. I feel like when I was younger, I had very, like, highs and lows, like, very intense passionate Yes. Of course. Relationships. And I've learned you kinda wanna be in the middle. Yeah. You just you still want those intense passionate Yeah. Things, but, like, there's a lot more there Yeah. I get it. To deal with. I mean, normally, all my, like, past relationships were just, like, passionate in, like, a bad way. Yeah. No. No. That's what I mean. Yeah. I know. No. Like Well, hey. I have a way to, like, get, people to have, like, a steady, like, dating relationship, a way for you to, like, impress your dude. Have you heard of plated.com? No. Okay. So I'm a lazy ass, and I I like to, like I'm not good at cooking. Okay. So I need things spelled out for me. You know what I mean? Yes. Don't you? Yes. I mean, I just feel like it's like our generation. So with plated.com, you get to go to their web and pick from, like, all of these, like, chef designed amazing meals, and then you order how many, like, you would want. So, like, say you have a boyfriend, so you're like, okay. 2. And then they deliver this insulated box. So, like, with, like say I picked, like, fish like, a fish dinner or whatever. Like, it's all insulated and everything, and it's the freshest fish. Every single ingredient, like, perfectly portioned in their little baggies with, like, directions that are so easy that, like, I could do it, and it tastes ends up tasting like I made an amazing meal. I we I just made over the last week of this weird awesomely weird, like, meaning weird as in, like, I normally can't make something like this in a good way, pad thai. And then last night, I made this mushroom pizza, and it was god. It it's so much it's so much fun because I don't have to, like, go to the grocery store and, like, I don't know where these ingredients are. Like, I don't know. Annoying thing about cooking Yes. Is that you get you're like, oh, I can't do this. I have, like, 3 things in my, like, like, my my pantry. So, like It's a lot. If I wanna cook something, I'd have to go spend, like, $500. Like It's very expensive. Yes. So if you do this, you guys, you get everything especially if you're like you're like, you have a career, if you have a family, and you don't have time a lot of the time. But you also wanna feel like you're doing something. Yes. You wanna feel like yes. Absolutely. So if you go to plated.com/stassy with your first purchase, you get a free dinner for 2. So that's that's a lot. That's a date. Yeah. That's a date. That's an extra day. Mail listeners. And it's fun. I'm telling you. It's actually a lot of fun. It's one of my favorite sponsors because I normally don't cook because I'm lazy. So when I get to, like, get stuff from plated, it makes me excited to cook. So just go to the website and check it out and look at and see if you like any of the meals. I know you will. Plated.com/stassy. And with your first purchase, you get a free dinner for 2. Know what I mean? I feel you, girl. So I don't know why that southern can't you wait. You're kinda from the south, aren't you? Yeah. I'm from New Orleans. Do you know I've spent a lot of time there? Really? I actually wanted I, at one point, wanted to name if I ever had a daughter, Nola. Oh, no. Oh my god. Yes. It's like the ghetto like the ghetto girls in New Orleans wanna do that. Oh my god. That's so cool. Wanted to do that? This is like okay. You didn't know any better. That's okay. I didn't know any better. The I wanted that before I went to New Orleans and it's for a very terrible reason. The movie Match Point with Scarlett Johansson. Yeah. I don't know if you've seen it. Her name is Nola in it. Oh, that's right. I love that movie though. And I I thought she was like cool and kinda crazy and whatever. But I was like, oh, Nola's a great name. Was she named after that, though? I don't think so. I don't think so either. I don't because I didn't I didn't associate it when I saw that movie. Right? Yeah. But for I had never heard that as a name before. Okay. This is FYI, example when the crazy b***h dies. So I'm not sure that it always works out. Guys, if you haven't noticed, maybe I shouldn't have children. But I started doing Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans. I used to do that in high school. Oh, I love that. I mean, not by choice, but, like, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't actively, like I didn't, like, come up with it on my own. It was, like, through my high school. I, like, I didn't mind I didn't mind it. Like, I liked it, but, like, I I'm I'm not gonna, like, take credit for the the leader of how to tap things? Yeah. I don't wanna act like I'm And you were in high school, so it probably wasn't as fun as ours. So I went with a company out of New York, Credit Suisse. So every year, I would go after Katrina. Oh, wait. And we'd rebuild houses in Musicians Village, which was Brad Pitt and Harry Connick Junior's thing. So we'd stay for a week. And we also worked with the school and we we rebuilt their whole playground and their kitchen. I did this for a few years. How did you get into that? My aunt Claire, blonde bombshell l sister Yeah. Claire. I call them the blondes. Yeah. She worked for Credit Suisse. Great news. I know. That's baller women. Much cooler than me. She taught me all about shoes, by the way, which we Well, now I know I love her. Yes. No. Claire. Anyway, yeah. She organized the whole trip, so I would go down with all these, like, finance people from New York every year and stay in New Orleans. We would stay, I think, at the Royal Sonesta. Is that a place? Yeah. Yeah. That is a place. So No. Yeah. That's a that's a no. But it was fun because, like, we'd work hard all day. Like, I learned, like, I could tie back a house. Like, I built tie back. Right? I didn't know what that was either until I went there. And, like, we would build 2 houses for 2 families and then we worked with the school and, like, it was just so fun. I have such a love for New Orleans and that's why I, like I didn't know that. You've never told me that. I know we've never How have we not talked about that? I don't know. But I lost my moment, Katrina. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh my god. I mean, it was so long ago. So when people ask me about it, like, I feel like they want me to, like, start, like, crying and being, like, yeah. It was, like, really, like but, like, it was 10 years ago, and I was 17. And I'm I'm very fortunate because, like, at at when something like that happens to you at 17, you're old enough to appreciate things but young enough to, like, bounce back. Yeah. So, like, I it didn't, like Ruin your life. Ruin my life. Yes. But, no, we got, like, a few feet of water, which if you get a few feet, then mold and everything happens. So it grows on everything. And then we weren't allowed to come back into our house for, like you wouldn't know. You weren't allowed back in New Orleans for a month, and my parents wouldn't let me go and see it. And so Wait. But where did you guys go? Like, when all that hap sorry to bring this up. No. That's okay. About it. I'm so no. I can be super quick about it too. Like, every single year, they're, like, hurricane warnings. And so every single year, my dad would wake me up at, like, 7 in the morning, like, once a year and be, like, get up. Like, we're going like, we used to sounds bratty, but, like, we used to go to the Ritz Carlton Hotel downtown and just, like, stay on, like, a floor. You know what I mean? And we would just, like, hide out there. That's just what you do. It's you go to you go somewhere. Yeah. You know what I mean? The top Higher ground. Yes. Higher ground. And, then this time, he's like, we're going to it was actually, like, my boyfriend at the time, his family's house. s**t. My Washio just came. So, yeah, we went my boyfriend at the time lived in, like, Northern Louisiana. Okay. And, his family was actually, like, on the amazing race with us. This is how we met. This is, like, my first, like, relationship. Okay? I met this dude on the amazing race, and his family lived in Northern Louisiana. And so we stayed with his family up there in Shreveport for a month. And then when we were finally allowed to go back, we moved into an apartment, like, in Uptown New Orleans Mhmm. While my my dad's an architect, while he, like, redid our house. And then we were the first ones back in our neighborhood. Literally. So, like, there were no street lights. Every single house around me was still, like, filled with, like, like, s**t. You know what I mean? And there were still it was still, like, everything around us was, like, it was, like, a war zone except for, like, our, like, house right there. It was so weird. I can't even begin to explain. It is very weird when you go there, like, seeing like, I remember seeing on the houses, like, how many The acts. Yes. Like, there's always an x on the houses that, like, say, like, how many if, like, dead bodies were found or, like, anything, like, whatever. Like, they have, like, a reason for, like, every number. It was so strange. But, yeah, that's so cool that you went there. There was a show. I you like Broadway stuff. I love Broadway stuff. You love I love musical theater. Girl. I already wrote that down if you like musical theater. Oh my god. We just have so much. I have so many notes on you. Oh my god. I feel like I've, like, gotten through, like, 2. There is I'm sorry. I love you guys for still listening if you're still listening. So there was a show that was on Broadway that they brought to New Orleans that our whole crew went to, and it was called 12 feet. And Oh, I haven't heard of that. It was a one woman show, and she played I mean, I wish she could have interviewed you. She played, like, I think it was 12 different characters, who went through everything during Katrina. And she would switch from one person to another literally. And, like, super bipolar. Oh, very bipolar. Yeah. Like, I don't know if I could follow. I think most of us actors have a little bit of that. That's true. And they're Anyone in the entertainment industry is just, like, you know, you got that psycho. There's a little or we let it out more than other people. That's true. You know, like, that hole's open a little. I hate saying holes. You know what I mean? I feel like it's, like, the people that, like, don't let that out that end up being, like, the dudes that are married for 40 years and have, like like, a whole family, like, hidden underneath their home. Under and they go to sanctum on Valentine's Day. They go to sanctum. Exactly. Yeah. But you would have loved that. I, like, couldn't. I, I mean, I was crying hysterically by the end, but it was amazing. I have so much love for New Orleans, so shout out to New Orleans people. I miss it so much. I was supposed to do a show there last year and it got canceled, but I wanna go we should do a girl's trip to New Orleans. I have been saying this for so long that I wanna do I've never done, like, a girl's trip. Why don't we this is little presumptuous. When's your birthday? June 24th. Shut up. What? Wait. You're a Gemini. So then you're June 7th. You're in June 2. Yeah. Okay. But we I can't. You're a Cancer. I'm not funny. I'm not as psycho as you. You're not. You're my mom's a Cancer. The guy I'm dating is a Cancer. Oh, really? Yeah. My dad's a Gemini. So, apparently, Gemini's in Cancer. They're still together. Oh. Too long ish. Cool. But yeah. What did your birthday? I'm June 14th. So I'm 10 days before you. 10 days before. Why don't, New Orleans maybe this year? I'm down. I've never is it is it too sticky in June for Not okay. Not as bad as, like, other months Okay. But not ideal. So it's, like, it's in the middle. You know what I mean? Maybe we could pick a better event. Something. When's your favorite time of year in New Orleans? Like, spring or fall. Spring or fall. You know? Because, like, I just don't really like to sweat. Because we were it's, like, the worst. Gross. You know what I mean? Talks that s**t. We would go right after jazz fest. So we would go, like, early in May, which is a very good time. Yeah. We'd always hit, like, the last day of Jazz Fest. That would actually be, like, an ideal time to go, hey, any of you guys listening? Let's, like, round up. A group? Up. We Have you just, like, go to New Orleans in May? Oh, no. We can do a show. So I know someone who books a bunch of people there and Theo Vaughn. Do you know comedian Theo Vaughn who's from New Orleans? No. I'm a new comedian, Rupee. Stasse, I will bring him on this with you. He is from New Orleans. He just shot his Netflix special in New Orleans. That sounds like so much fun. Yes. That's cool. We should do we should just produce. We're good at producing shows, by the way. I'm gonna make a note of this. Let's produce a show in New Orleans. Yes. You're good at producing shows. And we can get Credit Suisse to sponsor it. How about that? Aunt Claire will talk later. Thank you. With that, let's take a break so we can talk about this plan. See you guys in a second. Bye. Welcome to play it, a new podcast network featuring radio and TV personalities talking business, sports, tech, entertainment, and more. Play it at play dot it. Yo. Yo. What's up, girl? Luda and I are bonding. Oh, did you Really? We I just tried to take a selfie with Luda, and you know what I realized I needed? Have you seen the attachment to a phone where you put a ball, like, a tennis ball that attaches to your phone on your phone? Yeah. With the lighting on it? Yeah. So the dog no. Oh, no. Your dog looks at the ball. So you get the dog to poach. Shut the f**k up. Stop me. And I was like, g*****n it. Why don't I have that? I saw it yesterday. I forgot the name of it. I wish I could like shout out the company that made it. Oh my god. I want that because I can now I have my Lumi so I have good lighting. Which by the way, oh my god. Wait. It's amazing. Can I see it? Yeah. Look. This is what you do. Wait. So And so it's just like good lighting for your selfie. How did you find this? You can take it in the dark. Wait. Can we do like a fake Yeah. It probably looks so disgusting right now, but we can It's amazing. Fix it. Well, I don't have makeup. This isn't fair. Well, we'll make it look like you do. Oh, dear god. Oh, dear god ish too. Hold my mic real fast. Okay. Yeah. Oh, wait. I'm better from this side. What? See? It's gonna be scary, but we'll be okay. You guys I tried to do duck face. I look like a child. I With no, like, with no makeup on, I look like a kid. Well, maybe that's a good thing. Uh-huh. I guess. Make you look younger. Good thing. So we are back. Jacqueline's in love with my dog, Luda. She's the best. I like wanna okay. We're gonna get into some, like, pop culture stuff in a little bit. We're having an extra long episode because I just don't wanna let her go. Oh, it's like Rose from the Titanic. Right. Don't let go. Never let go. Ever. Just never. So I wanna get into pop culture stuff. But before, I really wanna, like, at least, like, really highlight your career. Oh. Because she's done so many things, like I okay. So you have, like when I, like, hear, like, all the things you're doing, like, you do, like, this comedy sketch called drunk sports. Mhmm. That so you love football, which I don't understand. Like, I don't like sports. You know what? I have a theory about girls that love football. They most likely grew up with someone that loved football in their household. I didn't. So that is probably why, like, for me, I I was born and the family already had season tickets to the New York Giants. And so I could only hang out with my dad and my brother on Sundays if I went to the Giants game with them. Okay. So then you learned and yeah. That must be why I don't like it. And because I just, like, don't like physical activity. You know what I mean? That can be it too. You know? It might make you does it make you tired to watch it? Do you feel bad about it? I just, like, can't even, like, don't get anyone's hot? Do you like any of the players? I do like players. I do like athletes. Okay. Who do you like? Oh, I don't really know names. Oh, I'm just, like Describe them. I'm just, like, oh, that guy's super cute. Oh, that guy's super cute. Okay. That guy's really hot. I'm normally I normally like football players or I think that might be it because I don't like basketball players. I'm not into that. Nope. Baseball players, you know, soccer players are just like way too fit for me. So that's not my thing. I was gonna say you're my brother's type and he's single and a coach at UCLA. Okay. Well, you know, if I've ever find myself single There you go. And, like, kicked off Ryland. Huge. I now know who I'm who I'm gonna date. Hit him. So not only do you do that, so, like, you do, like, sports comedy. Yes. We tried to for girls like you, actually, that don't know that much about sports. But I like watching y'all skits. Like, it's funny. Do I is skit the right word? Sketch. Maybe. Sketch. Sketch. Sketch. Skit is more like something you do in high school. That's true. Well, I'm new to being a comedy groupie. I love it. So sketch. And you also I mean, there's so many. Sex and the witty. Yes. That was the thing where we did a lot of parodies of Sex and the City scenes and, you know, brought on awesome comics and it was a great live show. And he had Pretty Inappropriate and then Holy Cannoli Comedy. So, like, what are all these things? Like, just different shows that are called something else? Yeah. They all have different premises. I grew up with a dad that always said throw enough s**t up against the wall and something will stick. Brilliant. So I kinda feel like I just keep producing s**t, and I'll see what the public wants, like, what people like. And right now, I'm just doing with Gabby Conte who's a host on Elite Daily Show. Watch it on Go 90. Yeah. And I've seen her and met her, and she's awesome. She's awesome. She's great. She's very relatable, millennial, like Totally. Every girl's girl. It's, like, my favorite kind of, like, humor. Yeah. Mhmm. You know? Yay, Gabby. That's why I'm trying to be all y'all's friends. Yeah. We love you at the shows. It makes me really happy when I see you in the front row laughing and smiling. It's so much fun. I'm coming to yours tomorrow. Yes. Mhmm. That's oh, yeah. Oh, my god. So I'm hosting a because do you know how hard it's been writing jokes for, like, soccer parents? No. Because I don't ever I don't know what it's like to write jokes or stand up in front of an audience and s**t myself because I'm so nervous to try and tell a joke. I could never. I know. It's it's gonna be a bunch of real estate guys from Keller Williams and, like, Beverly Hills finance guys playing poker. Bring all my single friends. You should. I think any single girl that wants to come with Stassi, Rachel O'Brien, and I to casino night at the Ritz Carlton Hotel. It's a charity event. Well, it will be today. Yes. So let's say the date is Thursday, January 14th. January 14th. Yes. 6 to 10 PM. 6 to 10 PM, show up. Yeah. Go on our pages. We'll post about it. Yeah. And, like, come up to us and say hello. Please don't be shy. Don't be shy and there'll be free booze and food. Because I'm only going for the jokes and the free s**t. There we go. So you do that. Yeah. So I'm doing that. You're about to go on a military tour. I know. Isn't that crazy? You just have this so basically, the trailer that I just watched of hers is like okay. It's called Shameless to Famous, and she filmed a sizzle reel with her friend. What's her name? Her name is Ty Chase, and it's a sizzle reel. So they're shopping it around. Hopefully, it gets picked up. It would be, like, perfect for, like, almost any f**king network because everyone's into, like it's like the Nicole Richie show. What was that called again, though? I only ever just said the Nicole Richie show. It's so candidly Nicole? Candidly Nicole. It's like that where they're acting and they're comedians and they're improving and all that stuff, but you don't really know. Like, you're like, wait. Are they really serious? And they're, like, f**king with people. They're, like, pranking people. Like, you'll explain it so much better than I will. So go for it. Well, so the shameless to famous stemmed from the b***hes in WeHo parody rap videos, and it's basically kind of turning the tables on society, making fun of how everyone will do whatever they can to get famous. Like, don't you know it? Yeah, girl. I just sell my soul. And we love you for it. It's amazing. You know what? But I have another opinion on you on Vanderpump. I'm not gonna lie. Really? Should we talk about it now or should I finish with shameless and famous? Finish with Shameless to Famous, and I'll just because I'm narcissistic, I'll remind you. Please remind me? Remind me. I try. I'd love to talk about it because we've never talked about this, and I like that. Okay. It's fresh. It's new. Yes. Yes. It's different. Okay. So Shameless to Famous. Yeah. Turning the mirror on society, making fun of how ridiculous people will be to get famous. So we basically picture punked, Borat, and candidly Nicole, Curb Your Enthusiasm with a twist. We went to an adoption agency and said we want to adopt 18 babies. We went to a plastic surgeon's office and said we want a ridiculous plastic surgery. Like, basically, anything you could do to get famous, we talk about on the show and it's really fun and But they're sketches. They're sketches. It's all yeah. It's not real. It's so fun. I mean, what I saw was so funny. Like, I'm jealous that I didn't think of this because I would like to do this. So hopefully, you'll be watching it this fall on Netflix. Okay. On Comedy Central. Yeah. No. We have great people behind it. We have David Weintraub, Scott Teddy, and, why Matt Azar, sorry, are all producing it. They've produced pretty much everything you see on TV. So, yeah, it should be fun, and we're just having a good time with it. Well, when you become so, like, fame Schwaim, will you still come over to my little house and do my podcast with my dogs? Only if you send an Uber. I'll send you an Uber black SUV. Wow. That means she really likes me, guys. Yeah. This is becoming official. Right? I don't f**k with that. I would go on a second date with you. I don't f**k with that. You also were on a show called, and I just have to say, Becoming Britney Spears. Oh, yes. Back in the day. This was over 10 years ago. Oh, my god. Okay. On MTV. So, like, what did that mean? Like, what is that like, what did that entail? Like, what was involved? It means I probably am psycho and have a weird obsession with Britney Spears. And, I'm from Louisiana. Oh my god. I never even put that together. So no matter what, I am ride or f**king die with Britney Spears. I love you. Yeah. I love you too. That makes me really Could you do a Britney Spears, impersonation right now? Do you have a favorite Britney song? Really? You're gonna ask me to choose a favorite? I don't know. I'll do a few. And also, you guys will think about this. Maybe we can all pick a song that I could teach Stasia dance to, and we can do that on a later episode. Oh. And we can periscope it. We can periscope it because I also was psycho enough to take classes with all of her choreographers. Of course. And Of course. At Broadway Dance Center in New York I'm not that. Back in the day Wow. When I first saw her, like, I saw her video on a weird station before MTV even had it when baby one more time. One more time. Yeah. Stasia wasn't lying, guys. She is a fan. No. I mean, everybody knows that Baby 1 More Time was not original. You know? It's like you can't You're right. And her cousin was the dude who played her love interest, or was that just like a rumor? Abercrombie model, cousin. Right? Everyone, like, when I was like 12 or 11 years old, everyone was like, that's her cousin. I'm like, that's so weird that, like, she chose her cousin. Why? I don't know. It's so I keep it in the family, I guess. I guess. I mean, I'm like, okay. You know, it's Kentwood, Louisiana show. You never know what goes down. Have you been to the mansion? No. I've never been to Kentwood because you're a classy b***h. That's why. Okay. So So let's do it? Your favorite one. Let's do a I don't care. I'll do all by the way the who was I supposed to know. Or, oh, yeah. Guys, Stassi is really good at that. Wait. I want more. That is so amazing. Or we can do, I think I did it again. I made you a balloon. I'm more than just friends. That's amazing. Yeah. Better with that. Oh my god. Signals and everything. There's a lot of yeah. I know. My favorite Britney one was, like, you know when she, like, does, like, her Christmas, and she's, like, come on some Santa. Can you hear me? Oh, Santa. That was really good, Stacey. You can sing. Yeah. That's not a real that's not a real thing. You can sing. That was not a real thing. I know it's not, but it can be. That's probably what she's saying at the tree lighting ceremony in Vegas this year. If she can do it, I can do it. Right? Anything you can do, I can do better. So you're a Britney kinda sore Yes. In a sense, and you also have family connections in Hollywood, like, everywhere, yet you're still not, like, super fame. It's not happening yet. That's why shameless to fame famous is my thing. Yeah. So what's that about? Right? You know? It's happening, girl. This year, 2016 is gonna be your year. I hope so. You guys, I hope that this year, you're now gonna watch I'm sorry. My my dog is attacking her. Agrees with you. My dog I mean, you are guy you guys are going to see her on a new show. Love you. It's, she has so many she's not one to put all of her eggs in one basket. You know what? I don't. I don't do maybe I should start doing that. I feel like No. What people say like, I'm all about, like, stepping outside your comfort zone and, like, go big or go home. Yeah. It's crazy. That's how you gotta do it. That's my mantra, but, like, part of me feels like like, this year, I'm focusing more on TV stuff. Well, that's where it's all at. That's that's my that's what I've always wanted. Oh my god. We haven't even talked about this. What? The Friends reunion was green lit and they announced it to today. Do you know about this? No. I don't know about this. Oh my god. Guys, and I'll let them on board. You obviously I don't. Not. No. E e. Wait. What? Yeah. They announced it today. It's happening. Like in a meeting where they all sit down and talk? No. Like, they're doing a whole thing. Like, everything everyone's wanted for the past 10 years is actually going to Like, they're gonna act? Like, they're all gonna be in it? Like, it's going to be an episode. One episode. One episode. That is cool. That's happening. Oh my god. Look on E online. Where have you been? Stop me. I don't know. I'm, like, obsessed with, like What were you doing today? Is this for real? Do you know Nikki Hilton's pregnant? I do know that. Do you know? Okay. Do you know that? She's so cute. I don't like her. I I've never met her, so I don't I can't say I don't know if I like her. Wow. Why don't why don't we like her? Friends cast reunion coming to NBC. Look at that. Right? But it's not a a really a Friends reunion. No. It is. I don't know. That was just like a that was just like a, I don't know, a a title of an article. I don't even know. It is. It's really happening. Alright. I'm going to I'm going to research this. Research it. 1st, you guys have to go to casper.com. It is the only mattress that I sleep on. And one of the reasons why I love Casper is because you don't have to go to a mattress store and get, like, a more expensive price for something that's not even that great. They have this, like, one of a kind hybrid it's like a new hybrid mattress that combines premium latex foam with memory foam. Seriously. It's it's honestly it's just, like, all I sleep on. So, like, that's what I have to go on. You know what I mean? I need both. I need a mattress and new sheets, actually. Oh, well, just wait for my next sponsor. But you get it when it came here. 100 day, like, period situation where if you buy a mattress from casper.com, you can sleep on it for 100 days. And if that's a really long time. That's that's the longest relationship I've been in, actually, in West Hollywood. True. That's, like, a third of a pregnancy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, there's, like, a baby in like, that's a really long time. You could 3rd birth a baby. You could 3rd birth a baby on that mattress. So if you go to casper.com actually, casper.com/stassy and then use my code Stassy again, you get $50 towards any mattress. And I'm telling you, it's so affordable because, again, you're not going, you know, there's no marked up prices because there's no middle man. It's only $500 for a twin size mattress and, like, $950 for a king-size mattress. So if you're getting $50 off something, it actually makes a big difference. I like that. If you're looking for a mattress, please, I'm telling you, I'm not f**king lying. This is the mattress that I sleep on, and I love it. And we all know that I sleep a lot. She's the princess and the pea. I am so the princess and the pea. You are. I'm the Casper princess and the pea. There you go. Oh, I like it. Right? Www.casper.com/stase, and then use my code again, $50 off. Right? Thrifty, comfy, boujee. Right. So boujee and you know nothing better. Can I I'm just gonna go right in because, you know, Casper and Boll and Branch go together like, you know, wine and Xanax? It's my favorite. Good morning or wine and Adderall according to Jessica Simpson. Not mad at that. Nope. Jessica Simpson does wine and Adderall? Please. When has she ever said that? Google an interview. I'm gonna die. Wait. Are you serious? Rachel O'Brien brought that to my attention. I have always loved Jessica Simpson. She's been one of my favorites for, like She did not tip me when I was a c**ktail server at the laugh factory. Are you sure she wasn't just, like, too wasted? I think that might have been She probably hadn't tried Adderall yet. You're right. Because she didn't know how to sober up. So it's fine. We'll give you a pass, j simps. Yep. Yeah. Definitely giving. For those killer legs. Oh, gee. That's a natural. Like, that's a natural. Yeah. Oh my god. Someone posted the it was I wanna love you forever video today. We are huge Britney Spears fans, but we I saw Jessica. Jessica was she was banging. She was banging a lot. Like, remember when she's like, I belong to me. You know? You belong to you. And she cuts off all of her hair and, like, smears her makeup, and I'm like, I'll cut my hair off. Yep. Right? I'll whatever you do Whatever you do, I'll do. Down. It was like alt Jessica. Yeah. Love it. Don't love the the shoes. Maybe won't wear the shoes ish. You know, I appreciate them for what they are. They might not be in my closet. You never know. Maybe Maybe they were in 2006. Oh, yes. Actually, they were. Yeah. I got it. They were like a patent red peep toe situation. Yeah. Jason situation. Definitely. I apparently run-in my sleep or something happens where, like, I, like, move lot because I really I like high quality expensive sheets and I have rubbed a hole in, like, where my feet go in my sheets. Seriously? Yeah. It started yesterday and now it's gotten bigger. So I guys, I'm getting these sheets tonight. Yeah. I I Well, you sound like a psycho. Like Yes. I am scared of you. I I had the weirdest dream last night. Some, like, grudge situation going on. Like, I don't know what you're like. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. No. I don't know if I like it. It's it's fine. No one's ever complained. I mean, the guy I'm dating hasn't stayed over in over a week. Maybe that's why you're not married yet. That could be it. Yeah. That could be it. It might be because you run out of your sleep. I run. But I feel like someone would tell me at one point. Right? No. I've had girl I've had girl sleepovers, like, platonic girl sleepovers, and no one's ever said anything. Really? Yeah. Okay. I'm good. Maybe we need a sleepover. I'll tell you. I love it. That could be that could be a test. I'm down for sleepovers. Because I feel like you'd be honest with me. Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna be like, s**tbag. You need to get that s**t in check. Yeah. Stop writing. Let's like, okay. Monday night, we can have, like, a bachelor Vanderpump rules, like, sleepover situation Oh my god. I love it. And just get wasted. Because Monday is gonna be amazing. And that's oh, can we talk okay. Bachelor. Yes. Have we? You and I have not talked about this. We have not talked about it. Well, first of all, last week, me and Annabelle were talking about the bachelor, and, Annabelle was a little hard on The Bachelor, Ben. And someone emailed me. Actually, I've got I got 2 emails about this. I got one being, like, from, a wonderful woman who messaged me that that she grew up with Ben. And basically just and she sent me photos as well Okay. Because they're still friends. And she's like, no. Like, he really is the nicest guy. Like, he's not a pedophile for, like, going back to, like, his grammar school and all that stuff. Yeah. That was weird. It was a very nice email because I I, you know, it made me feel bad about just, like, kinda cracking a few jokes. You know, all I have to say is sorry. Ben's 26. I'm 27. s**t's not okay. I don't like being older than the bachelor. I just don't. You know, give Ben a few years. I think he's a gentleman. I don't think he's ready. I don't think he's ready either. No. He's a gentleman. He's hot. He's cute. He's he's nice. He's He isn't marinated enough in the female lawn, though. You're 26. He doesn't know what he wants yet. Yes. No. My 37 year old boyfriend doesn't even know what he wants yet. Guys are much later developers than me. Are you kidding me? If you're not above 30, I'm sorry. You're not ready. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. I would never date someone my own age. So much less 1 year younger. Sorry, Ben. You're attractive. Just not gonna happen. No. But I also made a few comments about Olivia. Okay. Oh. Wait. I wanna hear this first. Well, you did you hear my last comment where I said I'm sorry. I haven't heard it. No. I love it. Do you remember when Olivia, like, came like, when she, like, was introduced to Ben and, like, her first line was, like you know, when, like, she came out of the limo and she's like, oh, do you have do you have dimples? And he's like, no. No. But you have you have one. She's like, it was, like, the most obvious, like, b***h, we can all see you have dimples, and, like, that's what you got. You wanted to just bring attention to yourself so we would all be like, oh my god. You have the most adorable dimples. And he was like, oh my god. I love you. First, like, impression rose. Like, it's everything. No one likes that. That it was, like, the most sneaky, like, manipulative, let me bring attention to my hotness. But a 26 year old can't pick up on that immediately. Of course. No. Unless you're a girl. Girl, you're like, b***h. And Olivia, I now dislike her even more, and I feel bad because so many people hate on me on this show, and I'm like, you guys don't really know the truth. But I'm just saying I'm like as as a viewer, you know, Olivia might be perfectly wonderful in real life, but, like, on the show, she sucks. And someone emailed me when they heard me last week, and they were, like, no for reals. I'm so glad that you thought that because we grew up with Olivia, and she really does suck. Like, woah. Yeah. Got it. Boom. Well, no. If you're a smart girl, I feel like you see right through that s**t. Yes. No. It's like, come on. She was such a b***h this episode. Just so, like, do that. Girls feel bad about themselves, opening her mouth so wide that I, like, screenshotted it, like, 400 times. The o face? The, like, oh my god. And I'm like, are you she literally looks looked like when she, like, made that face, like It's so many times. It was like I can't. One of those Japanese horror girl, like, you know what? Like, that, like, it was like the the mixture between the grudge and the ring, you know, when, like, the the, like, weird killer ghosty girl, like, opens her mouth to, like, suck the soul or, like, just scream in your face, like, a swamp flies out of it. Do you want me to even show you? Do you need to No. I do you need to refresh? I'm good. I probably will do it in my sleep tonight at one point. I'm still gonna look it up. Anyway, I wanna know your thoughts on Olivia. I just I think being a sorority girl, and knowing what it's like to be the biggest b***h with the biggest smile on her face, we got your your number, Olivia. We can already see right through all the s**t you're doing. Like, stop. I'm sorry. I just showed her the picture of the empty. The old face is, I'm at a carnival. I want attention. No. You know what it is? It's like, I think I'm so hot that I can sit here with no makeup on and make the worst face ever and still be hot, and it's like, no. No. That sounds annoying. I'm not here. I have always said though, like, I don't want my podcast ever be about, like, hating on girls. So, like, I need to, like, take a step back because I'm doing this right now. But, Olivia, you're not nice. Like, she's not nice to any of them. No. And you know what? I'm I'm just this will be us not hating on her. You know what? Instead of duck face, maybe we can do the o face. You're right. Every Instagram from here on out is just just gonna be Uh-huh. This duck face is like, oh, I wanna look skinny. I wanna look cute for the boys. So maybe that o face is like guess what? Guess what? I got 2 roses in the first two episodes. So you know what? We're being nice. We might do an o face here and there. So we're throwing you a bone, Olivia. Mhmm. But as a sorority girl who has recruitment share, we see right through it. Be a girl's girl. Be the girl that guys wanna hang out with, but also be a girl's girl. And I think that s**t's gonna get old real quick. Were you a sorority girl? I was a sorority girl. You're terrifying. Like, I was, like, so terrified of that situation. Which is so funny. Oh my god. No. I, like, was so I went my 1st year at LSU, and I'm, like my best friends, they all rushed, and I'm, like, f**k that. No. Like, I don't wanna be told what to do. I don't like, none of it. Like and I love that. I can't do that. Then when I went to LMU, my 2 roommates, they were in a sorority, and they were like, listen, Stasi. You're already in. Like, you don't have to rush. You don't have to do anything. We like, everybody wants you to, like, come. So all you gotta do is come to this barbecue Yeah. And that's it. So I'm like, okay. Whatever. That means Stasi was a hot, sassy b***h. Maybe they liked my badass mentality. I think that's it. My degenerateness. I I was recruitment chair, so I'm not gonna lie. I probably would have dirty rushed the s**t out of me. Is that what that's called? Dirty rush? Dirty rush. Where they don't have to rush. You're just like, I need you in my sorority. Yeah. So I went to this, this said, barbecue, and they told me ahead of time you're not allowed to drink. And I'm like, okay. Well No. You're giving me rules right away? I'm not even in your thing. You know? Like, what do you what do you mean you're giving me rules right away? So I'm like, cool. I'll have a pregame drink, and then I won't drink when I'm there. I won't sneak a flask in. Okay? Let's compromise. So, like, I had a c**ktail before. I went no alcohol, obviously. And they asked me to, like, decorate cookies. So, like What? People were sitting around decorating cookies. You? And I'm like, I don't know if I can do this sober. Like, I like doing it when I'm, like, drinking, like, spiked eggnog, like, during Christmas. Like, that's fun. Like, decorating cookies is fun every now and then. No. Sure. But not when I'm, like, it's, like, a a Saturday afternoon and I'm, like, being asked what kind of car I drive or, like, what, like, you know, all these, like, weird a*s questions and, like, I can tell that, like, everyone's been, like, told, like, at different times to come up to me and talk to me at a different time. Transparent. That I was, like, okay. Definitely not gonna be okay with this no alcohol thing. Definitely not gonna soberly decorate cookies. Definitely not gonna handle everyone coming up to me and asking me weird questions, so I need to go. And, like, I grab my roommates, and I'm, like, f**k this. Like, do you wanna come with me or not? And they're, like, no. We'll we'll come with you because they were, like, the badasses of it. You know what I mean? Of course. Like, they didn't follow the rules either, so we just left. And I'm, like, yeah. Sorority's not my thing. No offense to anybody who does it. Like No. All my best friends did it, and they loved it. And they loved it. And, like, I, you know, sometimes I wish I had that, like, sisterhood thing because I love girls, and I love having girlfriends, and I love all that. Yeah. I just don't like rules. You're a girl's girl. I like I just don't like rules. I don't okay. So you're probably that was, like, alpha fee or some weird sorority. The sorority I was in at University of Rhode Island. Shout out. There we go. URI stood for URI. Our our sorority was our nickname our our full name was alpha c delta a z, and our nickname was Yay z. You figure it out. Yeah. And we were kicked off campus for acting too much like a frat house at one point. That's incredible. We were that's why I'm saying See, I would like to be in that story. You would've so I it was full of University of Rhode Island for most of you. I didn't even think I knew what that Rhode Island was a state at one point. It was mostly Jersey, New York, like, New England. Like, it was all East Coast kids and then random California trans place. Okay. Yeah. So it was fun. It was good times. And, yeah, the Greek system was cool there at a lot of places. No. It's cool. Like no. It's cool. Everywhere I've been, the schools that I went to, it's cool everywhere. I I definitely rushed houses like the one you're talking about that are very, like, oh, we're so cute and fun. And ours was cute and fun, but we also knew how to throw down. And we were a little scrappy, you know. I like scrappy. A little scrappy. I I like scrappy. You know? And didn't care about rolls and Yeah. Broke them a lot. It just made me feel weird. Right? You know what I mean? Like, why can't I drink, though? Like, who's here to monitor it? Like, what is the reason behind it? There's so many decision? You know what I mean? Like, why That doesn't make sense. Like, who yes. That's where my brain went. I'm like, I don't understand. f**k that. What's going on? Do you want well, do you want I'm just gonna go to Ladue. Oh, my god. Ladue. So instead of joining sorority, I just went to Hollywood clubs like a freaking sk a bad a*s b***h. I used to drive from Marina del Rey Oh my god. Into Hollywood every night to go to, like husband's name. Oh, that's Zoe. I didn't meet Zoe. Zoe. Hi, Zoe. She's been sleeping. She's been throwing up everywhere. Aw. She's so skinny and pretty. So, yeah, the bachelor, Olivia, I guess you would be able to you'd be able to no. I love the sorority talk because I find it so aren't you doing something with sororities right now? Yes. If anyone's listening that's in a sorority, contact us because we're doing a comedy tour called Not Your Bae as in beta alpha Epsilon. Love it. So basically, you're gonna have a bunch of girls telling a lot of jokes you can relate to in your sorority house. Love that. I mean, you guys need events. You need you need funny s**t happening because I used to be event planner also, and there was funding for it. And the only reason why that idea came about, I I'm a girl's girl and I have a lot of girls that come up to me after a show that are like, oh my god. That's everything my friends and I think about. And I was like, where are a bunch of girls that need to laugh about s**t? That's a brilliant idea. Right? And there's I love that. We're gonna start in California because there's just so many schools and a lot of cool sororities. My brother works at UCLA, so we're gonna hit that little circuit up. Yeah. And then eventually move to New England. And then I know Midwest, there's a lot of sororities there in the down south. Yeah. They're in the south. I mean, Florida, Louisiana, all that. So we just feel like that'll just be a fun thing. Like That's really cool. Yeah. You know? Someone was like, actually, we feel like frats will also enjoy you guys. Oh, totally. I think depending on certain comic schedules, we're gonna throw some guys in there. We're just gonna have a good time. Stassie, if you wanna be a, Chanel, you could you do you wanna host? Stop. Can can we start? Guys. I don't think I have what it takes. I think you, I just wanna be a Chanel. I think you can be a Chanel. I just wanna be a Chanel like that right. Made me join a sorority. If, like, life was like that, I'd be like, f**k yeah. Wait. Can I I'm Chanel number 22? That's my lucky number. That's my my lucky number. Stop. Stop. Stop it. No. For real. That's why I just said that. No. 22 has always been my number. That's my password for everything. Everybody. That's her password for everything. 22. Just guess it. That's so oh, girl. That's cool. I got you. That's cool. We just had a, like, mutual, like, kinda quiet respect moment. Yeah. I know. That's cool. I mean, you have the same lucky number. It's like, woah. It's weird. When it's 22. Yeah. Because it's so yeah. I got you. Right? You know? But, yeah, you could be a Chanel. I think you'd be a great host. You host this show. You kill this show. You could come in. Do a cast test. Like, a live audience, like, kinda, like, weirds me out. Like, I hide behind my microphone in my my apartment with my dogs. Alright. And alcohol. At Grey Gardens, maybe. I don't know if I don't know if I could, like Which by the way, Grey Gardens, my best friend and I call each other g g for Grey Gardens. That's cute. We were obsessed with that. That's so cute. Sorry. I digress. You can do it. Put your back into it. Yeah. Right, Luda? We shall see. I digress. So well, I mean, are there really any other thoughts about The Bachelor? It's kinda like, lace. You better, like, keep on keeping on because if you're not on this show besides Olivia, who else is gonna give you the conflict? What do we live for? Yeah. Right? Wait. What about the dancing twins? Can I just say Annabelle might be really mad about this? Yes. Because we watched I watched The Bachelor at The Bachelor at Annabelle's, and so I instant like, me and Annabelle, like, went in well, we were looking at, like, people, like, looking them up. Like, I looked up Olivia and followed her. I looked up, like, Lace and followed her. Annabelle followed Lace, and then all of a sudden Annabelle's like, Lace just liked one of my photos. And I'm like, are you f**king kidding me? And I'm, like, literally refreshing my feed. I'm, like, why isn't she liking my photos? Like, what is going on? So I sat there for, like, 21 minutes refreshing my feed, never getting anything from Lace even though I'm, like, even though I'm following her. And Annabelle got a like on of her photos. What does that tell you about life? I need to just, like, kill myself, honestly. I am so You're better than that. I am so bitter. No. I am better than that. I get it, though. Are you kidding me? I post a selfie, I'll get, like, 200 likes. The one person I care about that I'm dating doesn't like it. I wanna delete it. There's no point. The point of you posting it was so that the oh. Alright. Zo. Zo. Zo agrees. Okay. Well, now we're almost going on 2 hours at some point. Oh my god. A few things I feel like I wanted to say. You guys, I wanted to talk about, like, c**ktails with Khloe because, like, hi. c**ktails with Patrick. And when she was Khloe Kardashian was on Patrick's show on Cosmo Radio, and they were, like, joking, and she was, like, we should have a show, and it could be, like, c**ktails with Khloe, and they joked about it on Cosmo Radio. Does he get residuals? Is he getting a cut? I wish. I'd have, like, way more presents by now. Right? Like, this is annoying, but, you know, whatever. I love Chloe Kardashian. Are you getting half birthday presents? It's your half birthday in a week. Oh, I've never actually even thought you know, people would think that I would I would I'm shocked. Be in something. I've never actually even thought about that blown. In my life, a half birthday. I think maybe you should you should be, like, one of those people that, like, wants to do it big. Like, you know, it's, like, a once a year thing. Like, I don't wanna, like, half a*s some, like, weird, like, half birthday thing. I'm just gonna get into it. Your boyfriend's trying to get on your good side. Maybe just throw that out there. That's true. Good point. Thank you for that. So You're welcome. c**ktails with Chloe. I hope whatever. c**ktails with Chloe looks cool. I hate the fact that I already know and they've announced that it's on a set. It's not her real house. Spoiler alert. Oh, I didn't even know it would be on her real house in her house. They try to it's supposed to be her her house. Whatever. That's cool. It's a set. Listen, I like Khloe. She's my favorite of the Kardashians. So it's, like, you know Yes. Good luck with that. I hope so. I hope it works out, but, like, I I don't know. I need to see it. I I I need to see it too. I don't know how it's gonna go. I like that she keeps it real. I like that she's kinda funny. I kinda feel like Kourtney's a little funnier than her. Khloe sometimes clamps up when you, like, least expect it, though. Like, sometimes when you shine a light on her, I feel like Yeah. Like, remember when she, like, hosted X Factor? And it was super awkward. Very, like because and it just didn't work out. Make it stop. Like, sometimes some people are only good at reality TV with their, like, the producers they're used to, the camera people they're used to, the family they're used to. So I'm I'm excited to, like, see, like, if it I mean, I don't even know if I I don't think I have that network. But And I'm I'm all about the boobs. Love boobs. I'm totally into guys. I know I'm straight, but I I love boobs. And this is anything to do with anything? I feel like Khloe might have gotten a little Help? Something. Oh, yeah. I feel like she got a little my plastic surgeon that did my breast reduction Yeah. Basically told me that the Kardashians got neck lifts, like, almost all of them. What? Neck lifts? Lipo in their waists and, like, I want them. Sculpting, like, waist sculpting thing. That's why I was never a pop star because I don't have abs. Like, who does? No one. I've never had an ab. Nope. Not even one little. Don't know what it's like. No. Me neither. Shout out to you b***hes with abs. Yes. Your job with that. I always say I'm like the Kate Upton where, like, I gained weight in my stomach. Me too. And that's what it is. And my face. Yes. My stomach and my face and boobs. And I don't have hips. So I don't have hips either. Birth is gonna be real fun if that happened. I don't think it's I think it that ship has sailed. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. Not for you. Cut my tummy open and let it laser that scarf off. We got, oh my god, a million little stasis running around. I I want you to I have, like, one. You need to. You need a mini me. There's gonna be, like, like, a terrorist situation. I get it. Army of, like, creeps. Stasis. Stasis. Oh. God. Stasis? It's a sorority you never had but always wanted. Oh my god. Wait. Don't let me forget that. I don't even know where my pen is. I tried to go write that down and I'm like, oh my god. Weird. The sorority. Oh my god. Stasis, the sorority you never had but always wanted me. I never. Because I feel like you have a lot of, like, you know, intelligent gems to lay upon your daughters or sons even. Like, yo, this is how you do it. This is how you treat a b***h. We shall see. Let's get on it. Happens. Right? Okay. Let's pimp you out right now. Okay. Okay. Love it. This is the longest podcast I've ever done, and I could I could know. Don't be sorry. This has been so much fun. I could go on. Like, I feel like there's so many things that I wanted to talk to you about that we didn't even get on. So, like, I'll just have you back in a month Cool. So that we can just, like, continue February. Because I Love it. Like, this was amazing. Thank you. You're amazing. Amazing. So what? Just whatever whatever you want anybody. Yeah. If you're around January 14th, today, come to the charity event at the Ritz Carlton. All our links are in the bios to support kids on the streets trying to, you know, play soccer and s**t. I'm doing stand up there. Come to Holy Cannoli Comedy, February 5th at the Open Space Theater. There's Fat Sal's Deli AKA Jerry Ferrer from Entourage's Deli is the sponsor along with Peroni Beer and Jack and Marfouji and Gabi Conti hosting. Come to that. Shameless to Famous will hopefully be in your living rooms come fall 2,000 16. Watch out for that. And then I'll be on military tour. And just check out jacklamarfuji.com for all my comedy shows. And your Twitter and Instagram. Yeah. At jacklamarfuji. All those things. If you live in LA, just pay attention to what, like, you're if you're ever seeing, like, at the Comedy Store, wherever, the improv, whatever the f**k you guys all do your your comedy s**t, look for jacqueline marfucci. Yeah. Rolls off the tongue. You know? Oh, thanks, girl. Yeah. We we always have fun wherever we're at. And that's why Sassy's always in tow because she's the best. Because I'm a comedian groupie, but only for girls, actually, I noticed. I think that's the best kinda groupie to be though. Yes. Like, I just follow girl comedians. Because the guy comedian groupies are all just kinda slutty. They're chuckle f**kers is what we like to call them. There's, like, a term. There's a term. Chuckle f**ker. Scary. Right? It's weird. Okay, you guys. We're just gonna do another podcast in a month because I didn't get to anything that actually I had planned. We just were able to just, like, go off on tangents and, love that. Black rules. Watch Vanderpump rules. Just kidding. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Bye, my Khaleesi's. Feel free to email me for any questions about Jaclyn because I'm just gonna have her again soon. Okay? Bye. Love you. Bye.