Transcript
I got out of the shower as I was cleaning off the mirror, and I saw fingers pushing through my window. He looked very demonic, and he said, like a really scruffy voice, he said, hey. I headed up that way, and my dog barked, and I looked over, and he was probably 20 feet away from me walking straight towards me. He used her phone after he had killed her to add me on Facebook. I'm Jamie Beebe. And I'm Jake Deptula. We're the hosts of Strictly Stalking, bringing you heroic stories of those who have survived at the hands of a stalker. To hear these stories and more, listen to Strictly Stalking wherever you get your podcasts. I got an email from pornhub.com that like, something I had just posted there. And I was like, what? I what? Like, first of all, not really my type of website, but okay. And I found out that she had apparently created AI Porn of May. I'm Jamie Beebe. And I'm Jake Deptula. On today's episode of Strictly Stalking, we're speaking with Lexi, who survived an attack as a teenager by people she thought were her friends. After using TikTok to tell her survival story and becoming a victim's advocate, Lexi was stalked by someone who inserted themselves into her life and her survival story. This person stalked Lexi, her friends and family, and her social media. Her stalker made fake profiles, pretended to be her friend, pretended to be other people in her life, and reached out to her attackers, which changed the course of her legal case. Lexi went to the police and was able to get a protective order against her stalker. But after violating the order, justice still has not been served. Lexi, thank you for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. What do you wanna share about your life growing up? So I feel like I kind of grew up like a typical kid. I'm from a small town in Connecticut, and I was a competitive athlete my whole life. I was in equestrian sports. I've, competed in track and field. I ran through college. So I kind of was just like your average American kid, and, I had 2 wonderful parents who definitely did not expect the things that happened in my life to happen. When you first started sharing content online, what was that experience like for you? I felt like in a lot of ways in the beginning, it was dehumanizing because I didn't expect to be sort of bought and sold as a product. I didn't think people were going to take my story and my vulnerabilities and try to transform them into something that they were not or try to make make me out to be a person, that I am not. But eventually I found it to be really empowering. I do remember, like, the first night that I had a viral video, like, scrolling. I was sitting in my grandparents' bedroom and I was scrolling through the comments and I remember seeing the first hate comment, and it was just someone being like, I don't think that she's telling the truth. And I just was like shaking because I was like, how could you possibly believe that about me or whatever, especially when I've put so much effort into, presenting myself as, like, a very ethical and honest person, who's very transparent and shows a lot of a lot of stuff that I feel like some other creators in the same space aren't as comfortable sharing. Lexi, what kind of personal things were you sharing online about your life? I used to start all my videos, which were mainly for, like, my friends and family, talking about I was dealing with an eating disorder called ARFID. So I would start all of them by, hi. My name is Lexi. I have an eating disorder called ARFID. And my entire community had known, unfortunately, that I was attacked when I was 16 years old. This was a very violent attack, and I almost lost my life. So I decided that I wanted to speak up very transparently and allow sort of, like, community members to, learn the story and ask me some questions. So I started a video with, hi. My name is Lexi, and my best friends tried to kill me, and that video blew up. So, unfortunately, that that is the story. I was attacked by, 3 of my best friends at sort of the command of my my boyfriend, at the time that I had been dating. We were in a very abusive relationship, and my best friend was actually his little sister. Him and I had sort of ended our relationship in the weeks prior, and I was poisoned and violently beaten, 2 weeks after I turned 16. When you started sharing your survival story of the attack online, how did you feel, and how did people respond? So I felt very, empowered. I felt like I decided to share it my own way. I didn't wanna, you know, share names. I wanted to be I wanted to show proof, but I wanted to be very careful with, like, talking about my specific physical injuries and whatever because, like, I didn't want to give them the power to first of all, I was aware that they're probably, you know, still looking at my social media. It had been 7 years at the time when I started speaking out, but I had dealt with some, like, threats and blackmail in the years following. So I wanted to take that power away, and I wanted to give it back to myself. And the response, was overwhelmingly supportive, but, of course, there were some very loud people that, were a*****es to me and did not want to believe me, wanted to use anything that they could find to, you know, pick apart, what I was saying and and try to make me out to be a different type of person. And I got told very early on that if the loud a*****es have found you, so have the quiet victims. And so I was like, let's just keep going. And, I it turned into this big thing. I ended up founding a nonprofit organization and helping so many people, tell their own stories and and heal from their, you know, experiences. When you shared your story on TikTok, did you feel that you had healed from that emotionally? So I I I was in a different place back then. I felt like I had worked so hard on this idea of forgiveness because I had always been told that, like, you need to forgive to move on. And and I was dealing with, like, this profound feeling of, like, hatred towards my attackers and just upset and feeling like I could never be myself because that part of me was taken away. So I worked really hard to get to this point where I felt like I forgave, and I was able to just speak up, take their power away. And, but I don't know that I necessarily was healed because at that point, like, I think I would have said I was, but at that point, I was still going to therapy. I was still, like, struggling with it, and I really spoke up because I was like, this needs to be mine again. It can't just be like other people cannot just gossip about what, you know, they think happened or whatever for the rest of my life, and I can't just continue to hear about it without ever weighing in and and pretending it was something else entirely. I love reality TV on Pluto TV. Same. And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore. Love and Hip Hop? I'm free all day. Survivor? I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto TV. Pluto TV. Stream now. Hey, never. From listening to this podcast, you know that anyone can be a victim of stalking. It doesn't matter what you do for a living, what gender you are, or where you live. And while there's no way to predict who a stalker will target, there are some precautions you can take. We talk a lot about safety on the Internet. Things like not tagging your location while you're still there or not giving out personal information to strangers online. But what about the personal data that's already out there in the Internet for anyone to see? There are data brokers that make a profit off your data. Your data is a commodity, and anyone on the web can buy your private details. This can lead to identity theft, phishing attempts, stalking, harassment, and even those unwanted spam calls that everyone hates to get. But that's where DeleteMe comes in. It's a subscription service that removes your personal info from 100 of data brokers. DeleteMe is a sponsor of Strictly Stalking, and we know it works because Jake and I both use it to help protect ourselves online. And it's really easy to use. You sign up and provide Delete Me with exactly what information you want deleted, and their experts take it from there. Delete Me sends you regular personalized privacy reports showing what info they found, where they found it, and what they removed. And it's not just a one time service. Delete Me is constantly monitoring and removing the personal information you don't want on the Internet. To put it simply, DeleteMe does all the hard work of wiping you and your family's personal info from data broker websites. And we love it so much. We think you should try it too. Take control of your data and keep your private life private by signing up for delete me now at a special discount for our listeners. Today, get 20% off your delete me plan when you go to join delete me.com/ stalking and use promo code stocking at checkout. The only way to get 20% off is to go to join delete me.com/stalking, and enter code stocking at checkout. That's join delete me.com/stocking. Code stocking. By speaking out about it and, you know, starting this nonprofit, becoming an advocate, this is how your stalker found you. So can you kind of start from the beginning on how that happened? So it wasn't uncommon for me, and it still isn't for other people that have had similar experiences to sort of resonate with me and the words that I'm saying and and reach out to me. So that, at the time was kind of all this is. I got a message from a person, and they had, said to me that they were, like, a big fan of mine. They absolutely loved my content and whatever. Not the time I actually I actually didn't answer. I had seen the message. I I get 100 of those, and I was like, we'll see if I have, you know, some time to respond later. This was such a kind gesture. And I was doing a live video, later on, and we were sort of talking and someone comments this this person, and they commented and we're like, hey. I wrote a poem for you. It's inspired by you. Can I send it to you? So I was like, that's so flattering. Send me an email. And so, later that night, I get an email that's like this very long paragraph with the poem attached, and, they say how, you know, grateful they are for me and how I helps them with, like, their self worth and, you know, and they are also, like, a victim in in some capacity and whatever. It was just like a lovely note. And one thing that I remember particularly stood out because I did share the message with, like, my friends and family to be like, oh, this is so cute. Everyone pointed out one line which was, even if you blocked me, I wouldn't stop having your back. And I was just like, oh, okay. Like, it's a way of, like, expressing admiration. Then I listened to the poem, and it was like, you know, they say, like, they're having dreams about me. They're you know, when love, when, like, someone you love doesn't love you back and whatever. And I had, sort of, you know, kind of, like, sent back a really nice message because I wasn't going to say, like, how I felt. I just I sent, like, a whole paragraph responding to kind of all of their points and then sort of, like, touched on, like, what what even, you know, is this about? And they had sent it back and we're like, oh, actually, this is just inspired by you. It was it was initially written about, like, family member of mine. And so I was like, oh, that's a little bit less weird. Like, you know, they backtracked a little bit, but still, that's not what you told me initially. But that's not enough for me to be like, oh, red flag and, I so I kind of I kind of just moved on, but sort of like I on the side at the same time, my in in these same few weeks, my brother had received a text message from someone, and they just said, hey. Is this Lexi? And sent a picture of me. And he sort of, like, joked around with them and was like, you know, that's, like, such a bold question, and this person, like, repetitively was calling him. And they told him some story about how, like, they were a friend of, like, my attackers or something. I don't remember exactly what it was, but they somehow had a connection in my life, and they really need to talk to me. And my brother was like, I know that she doesn't know you, and you're probably some, like, sweet kid who just resonates with her story. So just, you know, don't do this. And I later on took to my Instagram stories, and I had posted. And I was like, hey, guys. Like, I so appreciate that I'm a person that's, you know, loved by many, and so many of you resonate with this. And that's such an amazing position to be in. Please don't, like, Google my number, and please don't try to get in contact with people that are interested in, you know, me and my life and whatever. It it makes me not feel safe. And then several times over the next few weeks, similar things happened. It was never my number. It was always my siblings or my mom. It was my best friends. My best friends started getting messages that were saying, like, I need to get in touch with Alexa Wybaum, like, ASAP and whatever, claiming that they, like, somehow had a mutual connection to us. And I'm very close with the people in my life. So but we all just kind of assumed, like, you have 100 of thousands of followers on the Internet, and it has gotten to the point where people are just interested in knowing more about you and are probably trying to, like, find a way to weasel their way in. And I I didn't think it was at all connected. So my sister had gotten a message at first that had said something a lot. They were like, this person tried to pretend to be my abuser. And they said something along the lines of, like, meet me at our old school at 2:30 PM, and, like, that they were going to going to kill me. So I posted that as well, and I was like, guys, I I knew it wasn't my abuser one because they had, like, a green text, and I I know that he has an iPhone. Like, I've seen recent pictures of him. I know he has an iPhone. He always has. I didn't think it was even worth reporting. I just said this makes me feel really unsafe. Stop doing it. What was really super strange is that this person, the one that was stalking me, slid up on the message and said, don't go. And I was at this point, I hadn't really interacted with them outside of, like, that poem thing, but I saw they were in my Instagram request. So it was just like, alright. Cool. They probably just wanna protect me. It's not a big deal. Probably a couple days after that, I get a message titled chilling information on my email. And, also, another little backup is I started getting, like they sent me, like, a bunch of volunteer requests to work with my nonprofit, and then they sent requests for help. And they were like, I need help, but I don't know how to ask. I don't know. Like, just so many things that, like, I started to kind of, like, tap in on, like, you're kinda creeping me out a little bit. I remember I I in April, we had, a horse at my barn give birth, and I was at the barn, like, really late at night. It happened late at night. And I posted a picture of the horse, and I remember it was, like, 2 o'clock in the morning. And it had it was on my Instagram, and I saw right away that it said someone had already watched it. And it had been up for, like, 12 seconds, and it was them. And I was like, it is 2 AM. And I but I was like, maybe they're on a different time zone. Like, I don't but why are you watching? And then I was just like, maybe they have my notifications on. Just a lot of sort of, like, justifications for it. Anyway, they messaged me saying chilling information. And they literally just said, hey, Lexi. I have some information that you might wanna know. And I was like, listen. Maybe this is a girl. Maybe she's really young and, like, in an abusive situation or something and needs some sort of help for me. Like, something in my stomach is telling me, like, I should message back. So I was just like, hey. What what information do you have for me? And they responded saying, I am scared to tell you. And, like, just that. And I was like, okay. Well, you don't have to. And they were like, I want to tell you, but I am scared to tell you. And I was like, I didn't respond. And then a few minutes later, I got another message that was like, I can try to tell you, but I am scared. And then another message that was like, promise you won't tell anyone that I told you. Like, don't tell the police. In my mind as a victim advocate, I'm like, this is a young kid. Maybe they're dealing with, like, a sexual abuse situation. They think, like, like, maybe I really need help. So I was, like, inclined to answer even though I was getting, like, tons of messages in a row. Like, it was really kind of sketching me out. So I I was like, you don't have to tell me anything, but if you want to, I'm here. And then they were like, someone that you, they said someone that I know found out your abuser's real name and sent him a message on Facebook. And, he is confessing to the crimes against you. Do you wanna see it? And I was like, what? What's going on? So why this was so interesting was, a couple nights prior, I was also on a live, and this person commented. And I was like, Lexi, someone is in the comments of a video. Like, you know how sometimes people will take a TikTok video that's, like, viral and put it next to, like, a cake cutting video and post it, and it's, like, really weird? People do that to me all the time. And so this person says, like, Lexi, someone posted that video of you, which I had seen, but it was on an account that, like, had, like, 5 followers. So I was like, no one has seen this video. Like, the only times you're like, it's not it's not super viral, and it's I'm, like, one of the only videos on the page. I'm not kinda like not that I can really do anything about those anyway. But she said what's so interesting is, like, one of your attackers' friends is commenting and, like, saying that, like, you're a pathological liar. And I was like, what? So I checked. This person had, like, tried to comment on my videos before. They were, up and, like, I'm not really surprised about that because I'm like, of course, people that are in the lives of these individuals, like, are, of course, gonna defend them. We know that we know that unfortunately in abusive situations. This was also a person that was supposed to be there the day of my attack and just wasn't even like, wasn't able to, canceled last second. So So it was always like, I don't really know. Like, there's there might be some involvement there. So, of course, I am like, that's so interesting. Let's go read the comments. And, they basically, like, were confessing to everything in these comments. They were what they were saying was, like, basically, like well, she she was poisoned, but, like, it was her own fault. Like, she did it intentionally, and she did, like, whatever. So I decided that I was, you know, gonna comment back and interact with them, and my mom decided to and whatever. And, of course, like, this is something that couldn't really be disputed because I had my attackers on video, like, you know, the day it happened, saying that they knew that I didn't, like, know what the substance was and whatever. So I was like, that's so strange. Why are you doing this? And it almost felt like it was, like, being baited out of them. And I was like, is there something that I can't see? And I went on another account, and I found out, like, I was blocked by a couple people that were in the comments. And I just thought that was super weird. So I decided to bring this to the police because I was like, is there anything that could be done about that? Like, that's crazy. You know? They're they're admitting to so many things in these comments and whatever. Like, she probably should have shut up. And the police kind of had said like, I started working with the legal team right away, and they we had all kind of decided that probably one of the best case like, courses of action would be if I were to try to make a video and discuss, like, that there were confessions and see if that prompted anything else to happen. Like, if there were was any more, sort of guilt that happens because of that and whatever. So that was that was, like, sort of a tactic. So I made that video. It went viral because people had, you know, been talking about my case, and that was sort of what we were wanting to happen. None of this is private anymore, by the way. At the time, I couldn't really share. And so before anyone wants to say, like, I've changed my story or whatever, it was private at the time. So but I was, like, sitting next to my mom, and I got a text from my little sister saying that someone had texted them, one of my attackers, and just was like, hey. Is this Lexi? I wanna apologize for what I did to her in 2015. Like, stop talking about me on TikTok, whatever. I'm, you know, taking accountability. And I knew right away that it was this person because I had their number in my phone still. I never I never deleted it. So I, like, recognized that number, and I was just, like, freaking out because I was like, that's huge. I right away brought it up to, like, the police, and everyone was like, this is this is, like, gonna change the case. Like, something something could happen and whatever, because of that. And I had some issues with, like, my case early on. I mean, that's not really what we're talking about, but I was, like, ecstatic. This is the biggest thing that's happened. And now here I am, like, 2 days later, and I'm getting this message from someone. And I where my mind is going is my attackers are trying to f**k with my followers. That's what's happening. Like, they they might be, like, stalking me or they might be obsessed with me or pissed off that I'm speaking out or some like, something is happening, and I don't know what it is. But certainly, it is not that I have some weird parasocial relationship with some person that I don't like, that's not it. It's obviously, like, the people that are guilty are just guilty. So I had the police come out to my house a few times, whatever, all while I'm still getting, like, weird text messages, hundreds of calls every day, like, emails. Just so weird. So I tell this person, yeah. You can send me the screenshots. I wanna know if there's any merit to them. They send me the screenshots, and I quickly confirmed, like, that is his account. And, she d like, one of the screenshots, he had asked them, like, how do you even know who I am? Because his name on social media is not his name, like, at the time or or even his fake name and whatever. And she sent, like, this whole, like it was also on a fake account, of a person that doesn't exist that she was claiming was her friend isn't real, but, they were like, oh, I looked you up. At first, I found Lexi on Twitter, and then I looked up all of Lexi's friends. And then I found out one of Lexi's friends' names, and then I looked up Lexi boyfriend on Twitter. And then I did this and, like, blah blah blah. And then eventually, I stumbled across your old Twitter account from 2,015, and then I like, it was, like, paragraph worth of, like, here's this extremely creepy and invasive way that I found you. And, I, you know, at one point, I had made a video about how they like, my abusers were taunting me. And, one thing that they do is they use, like, I call them by their fake names, and they've decided to, use their fake names on their actual social media, and, like, make jokes about it and whatever as, like, poking at me and whatever. So I had said, like, how much that disgusted me. So they knew after watching probably 100 of my videos because that's, like, way buried back there, that if they were to do this and find out that person's name and whatever that they might be able to, tie it was just, like, insane. I was like, that's, like, FBI level of stalking, but okay. And I don't know who this person is still. So I also thought that my stalker was the victim because I was like, oh my god. This part girl, like, my abusers are harassing her and someone, like or someone in her life, is, like, mad that she, you know, is interested in me and wants to try to debunk my story, and it was, like, pissing me off. So I very much had, like, a get behind me vibe. Like, I was, like, I'll handle them, and I interacted with this, like, you know, stalker fake person. And I quickly realized that they had the exact same typing style, which is identical to the typing style that was in all of those messages that I was receiving on you know, like, I like, I was saying, the people that were faking my abusers, the numbers that I did not have in my phone that were fake numbers. So I was like, That's that's strange. And so I had asked her. I was like, hey. Just out of curiosity, like, where where do you live? Like, you know, tell me about this this person, this you know, the person that actually doesn't exist, your friend that messaged my abuser. And she told me where she lived, and she actually decided to send me a picture of her license to prove it. So I had, like, verification and whatever, and I was just thinking about how this is all so weird. Like, what is going on? And then it hit me that the messages that happened to my brother now we're in May at this point. The messages that happened to my brother happened in February, and it hit me that those messages were sent on an iPhone. And so it was an Imessage. So it was a real number, not she didn't use a text app. And I remember that there was an area code on those numbers. And so I quickly asked my brother, send me screenshots. Did you delete those? Send me screenshots. He sends me screenshots. I look up the area code. I realized that's her area. And so I was like, that's so creepy. So I said to my mom, I was like, mom, I have a hunch. I actually ended up recording this. I was like, I have a hunch. We're gonna call the number, and we're gonna see who answers. And, like, I have a video of this person and how they speak. We're also gonna ask to speak to them, and my mom does, and guess who answers. And so we know right away. It's my stalker. That you're this is that person, whatever. They have an identical, you know, typing style. Like, you are obviously just a little too obsessed with me. Now while I am on this phone call, I am, like, debating what I'm gonna do next. And I get an email, and it is from a person that claims that they are my stalker's brother saying that my stalker is now buying a flight to my state, to come and kill my abusers because they can't take seeing me, you know, cry anymore and are devastated by this. And I'm just like, that's bizarre. First of all, I need to report that to police because if something like, if she does that first of all, I have no ties to them. Like, if she does that, that, like, that is going to tie back on me and my story and whatever. And as much as, like, I hate these people, and they're not good people and whatever. I am I'm not them. I do not want something to happen to them. Like, I I would rather them get the just justice, like, the legal way and the normal way and whatever. I'm not I'm not wishing that on anyone. So I emailed back right away and was, like, basically, something along the lines to make sure she knows I absolutely will not condone this, and I would report this and whatever. And I called the police, and I started telling them the entire story, and they were just like, okay. Like, I had a lot of interesting experiences with the police. And one of the experiences they told me, they were like, you should consider getting a new job, because I don't think that this is working working for you, that they couldn't verify anyone's identity. Like and I had already sort of done the detective work. Like, I had verified who it was. I had all of these, you know, interactions on video. I was just like, whatever. And, initially, they weren't even willing to take a report, but then when I came back at this with them, they were like, okay. We have to, you know, make sure these people, are safe, so we're gonna take a report. So she said that she really needed to talk to me in one of the emails and then sent her number, which was the exact same number that I had just called the day before to verify. And I was like, that's so bizarre because now you're just admitting that, like, that Imessage number belongs to you as if, like, I I was like, are you not thinking this through? Also with, like, she sent me her license, I was like, maybe she, like, doesn't like, she has issues or something, like, mentally and is not understanding what is what is kind of going on because I'm, you know, detecting that you're doing something very dangerous. And, so she had called my best friend, and I was like, let's get this on video, because I'm not sure what's gonna happen afterwards. I'm I, at first, was like, I'm not gonna talk. And, so my best friend was like, hey. So, obviously, we know that you texted, like, Lexi's brother months ago, and she was like, oh, I just got this number a week ago. And she was like, well, you know, that's not true because that's not that's not really how this works, but okay. And, she was like, well, I'll confess that I, like, won't tell you the real name of the guy that's, like, stalking and harassing Lexi, but, like, you know, I'm just not comfortable. Here's all of these like, it was just like a whole bunch of bulls**t. And so I got so sick of it and was like, just give me the phone. And I had said, you know, let very and I like I said, I have actually posted these videos online too. I recorded the entire conversation, but I had said I was like, don't contact me. I'm not interested in having a relationship with you. I don't want, like, any sort of connection. Also forgot to add that she started sending me $30 every single day, while this was happening, and I was declining it. And then I basically told her, like, you know, thank you so much. Your support is enough and whatever. And then she said something along the lines of, like, well, what if there are donations for the organization? And, like, you know, I won't basically, I won't take no for an answer. And I was like, okay. Like, we do take donations for the organization. I won't take anything as a personal gift. That's just beyond my comfort point. But, also, why are you sending me money every every day? Like, that makes me very uncomfortable. So she started getting very combative and being like, well, if you didn't want a relationship with me and you didn't wanna be my friend, then why did you message me? And I was like, I've never I did not go out seeking you. You went out seeking me. I never I never tried to have any type of relationship. And this conversation basically went on for, like, 15 minutes, and she eventually like, she the entire time, I would be like, hey. You understand you have to stop contacting me, and she would be like, complete silence. Say nothing, like, refuse to say yes or no. And I told her that I was going to the police, that, you know, she would get in trouble. She's just refusing to acknowledge. And then when I was like, alright. Thank you for your time. Obviously, we're not getting anywhere because I was really trying to, like, talk this through. I know that people are going to say that I probably shouldn't have, but, like, being a caring individual and understanding that, like, she probably, you know, did feel some sort of pair parasocial connection to me. And and, like, as someone that has that power, obviously, like, I don't want to put someone in an emotionally vulnerable state. And I was very concerned about her and her mental health and whatever. I was like, I don't really know what's going on. And I just assumed that me saying no would make her stop. That's not what happened. And so finally, when I was like, alright. Bye. She was like, so why did you why did you accept the money? And I was like, I didn't accept the money. You would, you know, phrase it as donations. You can have it back. I have never deposited anything, and, and, eventually, I just hung up. There was also a point where within, like, 3 minutes, she, like, slipped up and made, like, 5 different mistakes. One of them was she said that she had only had the number for a week, and then she said, like, 2 minutes later, I've our I've actually had this number for 4 years. And my best friend had pointed out and was like, that's not just said you only had it for a week, and then she tried to hang up the phone a couple times and then call back. It was it was just, like, overall a weird experience, but I really thought, like, that's it. She's devastated that we sort of had this, like, breakup, but that's that's it. Nothing's ever gonna happen again. And then the next day, I was going through my normal day. I I had moved on. I was like, of course, this was, like, traumatic because I started getting told I was working with the police on the confessions that because they're essentially coerced confessions, they're not usable. Like, that can't go into court, so there's nothing that can be done. And, so that like, I was processing that devastation, but I had made it clear to her, like, I'm not gonna ever share about this. I'm not gonna tell your name to anyone. I'm not, like, I'm not interested in doing that so long as you, like, let this go easily and whatever, because that it was sort of, like, mentioned early on that that was a concern. And, like, I would I I didn't wanna do it the first time. I certainly wasn't gonna do it now. So I was, like, start you know, sort of grappling with my devastation about the confessions and whatever. And when my mom calls me the next day, I was at the barn dealing with a sick horse, and my mom my mom was like, hey. Did you order pizza, you know, and you meant to send it to the barn or something? Like, cause you're gonna be there for a long time, and I was like, no. I didn't order anything. And she was like, oh, like, it's also super weird. Like, it's a meat lovers, like, special from Domino's, and I'm a vegetarian. So I was like, I wouldn't even eat that. Like, you know, call my brother or my sisters. Like, it was probably one of them. And so so then I was looking at my email, and I saw that the Domino's confirmation went to my email. And I was looking at the specific information, and it said that I had chosen cash upon delivery. It was like a you know, this meat lovers pizza and that it was to my actual like, not my actual email address, my work email address, and to my family member's phone number. And so I was like, I would have never put that information in, but, you know, maybe, I don't know, maybe, like, I had a coupon or something, and I mentioned it to, like, my brother. Like, I I literally was, like, writing it off. My mom paid for it, just moved on. And then she calls me 20 minutes later and was like, hey. Another pizza order just showed up. And so I was like, what is going on? So I started texting my friends, and I was like, did any of you do this? Whatever. I got the same email. And this time it was to another family member's number. Like, not the same family member. And I was like, oh, I think that this this might be the person from last night that we just learned was maybe a little obsessed with me, and I think that they may be trying to let me know that they they know my address. That would proceed daily for weeks. All of my family members who she had their number would get hundreds of calls, hundreds of prank calls. Some of them would be, like, complete silence for, like, 2 minutes straight. There were even times where, like, people got, like, farting noises on calls. Like, I was like, oh, you're trying to be, like, childish with it. Whatever. So that's when I sort of decided that, like, she's not taking me seriously enough. I'm gonna take a little bit of this to my social media. I I, of course, reported it to the police, but the police were kind of, like, a*****es when I reported it. So the officer had said to me, he was like so I went to, like, dispatch and whatever, because because I didn't wanna have the police have to come to my house because I had, you know, a younger sister, and I didn't want it to be, like, this traumatic situation for anyone else. So I went directly to the police station, and I was like, hey. Here's here's what's happening. And the police officer was like, so you're upset that someone's sending pizza to your house? And I was like, well, yeah, because I don't know them, and they're sending a message. And he was like, okay. Like, what message are they sending that you're hungry? And I was like, I don't like, why are you kind of, like, being a dick? But interestingly enough, I had a a family member who works at the station who is, like, a high rank ranking person. And so I called him, and I I was like, hey. You know, this thing is going on, and immediately tune changed. Like and I it was also funny because I knew the officer didn't believe that, like, I actually had a family member in the department and had any calls because they were like they had said something to me. Like, oh, if you because I had said, like, is he here? I would like to talk to him. I know he he would take the report. And, they were like, well, if you wanna talk to him so bad, why why don't you call his number? But you can't. And I was like, he's alright. So I did it. And this is a family member that I, like, never talked to. I will say that. But it was interesting to see how, like, you're now taking me seriously because you know that I know someone, who knows that I am not a liar and whatever and, like, really highlighted to me how victims are treated, which I've experienced before, but, like, if I didn't have that connection. So they were able to take a statement, and they had said, at this point, probably the best case scenario is to go to the court and apply to get a restraining order is what they said, which is actually apparently wasn't correct and that it needed to be a protective order. So I went and applied for that the next day. I filled out pages and pages and pages worth of, like, all the things that this person had done to me. And, I the court told me that after, like, I swore in my testimony and whatever, that they were gonna have a decision on it, like, an emergency decision on it by 5 PM that day. It was, like, 3 o'clock. And so I got told at 5 PM that the order had gone through and that I was getting what was called, like, an ex parte order, which is basically, like, a 2 week protection order. So that protects me in kind of the interim period. But she needs to have the opportunity to represent herself in court and get an attorney if she wants and whatever. Like, that's how our legal system works. So in order to do that, you have to serve the person. And I didn't realize that, like, she's out of state, so serving a person is actually expensive. It was, like, in the 100, to serve them. And so I thought that this would be my answer. So I'll just pay, like, a little bit of money, and I will get them to go away because, obviously, if you get paperwork that says you are not allowed to talk to me, you're gonna be intimidated. And even if, like, the protective order doesn't get fully signed into effect, you know, she's she's gonna stop. So I serve her, and they send me back, like, confirmation that she got it. It you know, they sent a marshal out to her house. She had to sign something. She's called the respondent. I, you know, got her signature. She had to sign, that she knows that this happened. And, I went to court again, and they she didn't show up. So they were like, alright. We're gonna give her one more chance. We're gonna do, like, another 2 week, like, extend extend this, and you'll have to come back one more time. So I, you know, sent more serving paperwork through. I got notification that she once again knew. And so I was like, okay. Great. I went to court the day of the protective order hearing. She didn't show up. So they kind of automatically I mean, they listened to my my testimony. They're not going to, like, just side with me, but they they were like, okay. I believe you. Now meanwhile, when the ex parte was in existence, she still was not believing it. So I was bringing in even more, like, evidence that she was still sending pizzas to my house, that she was still, like, violating this order. And they were like, okay. Great. You're getting the full protection order. It was a no contact order, so that means, like, she's not allowed within a 100 yards of me. Nothing. And that was signed into effect, I think, on May 29th or some sometime at the end of May. And I had a couple days where it was peaceful, and I didn't hear anything from her. I was like, this is amazing. It she's she got the message. She got that final paperwork, whatever. Because, again, I didn't I didn't want it to, like, get to this point. And I had spoken about it publicly a little bit, like, just the process because I realized, like, 1, she didn't care about it when it was happening, and 2 and 2, I feel like it could help other victims, like, understand what it's like to go to court and get a protection order and what that process is like and be prepared for that. So I used that experience. I didn't hear from her. And then I went to the library, and I was working. I'm actually currently working on a a book about my experiences. And I was working on my book, and, I got an email from pornhub.com that like, something I had just posted there. And I was like, what? I what? Like, first of all, not really my type of website, but okay. And I found out that she had apparently created AI porn of me, So I immediately reported that, and I was like, that's super super duper creepy. Hopefully, now, like, there's some sort of, like, prosecution that can happen or whatever. And then I start getting, like, hundreds of messages in to, like, my sound of survivors. That's my nonprofit, email that are like, f**k you, b***h. Like, I you're a liar. You're lying about having a stalker. You're lying about, like, whatever. Just, like, really creepy things. And so I brought it to the police because I have the ability to, like, track IP addresses that visit my website. That's part of, like, what I pay for. And I could see right away that the IP address, like, was from her town and existed there. So I was like, okay. Obviously, this is a clear violation of the order. So when I reported those things, they happened on the same same day, same 24 hour period. They the police neglected to take, like, an AI porn report. They were like, basically, that's not illegal because, you know, there's no laws, there's no protection, but we'll try to proceed with some sort of something about her obviously breaking the protective order. And but, like, even though I had an IP address that matched that town and whatever, like, it doesn't take a lot to kind of, like, jump to that conclusion. They were saying, like, well, as a police officer, I'm gonna need to see more in order to, like, investigate this further and whatever. But more and more stuff started happening, so they, I think, just decided to do it out of sheer necessity and the fact I wouldn't stop calling them and reporting. And the police were able to obtain a search warrant. And then once they got the search warrant, they found out that she was indeed violating it, and then they were able to obtain an arrest warrant for her. It was at this point when I learned that the arrest warrant was non extraditable and which upset me. Like, I guess I probably should have figured, but they were the ones that recommended that I got the protection order to begin with. I thought that it was more than just a piece of paper, and I didn't really understand the concept of, like, you can't actually do anything. Like, if even if she is in the state, which she continuously claims that she is and she's flying here to kill me and she's doing that, like, she's even expressed that she knows that she could just get to, like, my house easily without actually having a plane, so it wouldn't flag the arrest warrant and whatever. Like, you know, so they were like, well, there's nothing we can do. Like, throw our hands up. Hi. I'm Stassi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it, and you will too. Listen to my podcast, Staci, wherever you get your podcasts. And so is this kind of where you're at now with your stalker? So I had gotten a recommendation. So I decided really to fully start speaking about it publicly, sort of after that all happened because I I just kept thinking that, like, there are some things that I could do that might seem, like, scarier, I guess, or, like, you know, speak up against her in a certain way that she's going to become intimidated and decide to stop doing that. I understand that's not really how stalking works. Someone had recommended having the FBI step in, and so I had sort of submitted a report, not really expecting anything, and they called me back right away and were interested in it. And they were able to sort of communicate with, the police in her town and get them involved with it and whatever. But they were saying that it still sort of falls back on the local police department to do something like extradite for continued, harassment of me and whatever. I mean, the FBI has actually been been great to work with. It's just, like, federal stalking laws are very vague. And, they I mean, I can't say too much about that, but I know they've been trying to, like, push some angles, you know, from the federal side, but it's just very difficult for them to have anything to do. And I know they expressed frustration for me with, like, local police departments and how stalking victims are just treated, which, like, made it very clear that laws need to change because at the time, I really wasn't aware of this. I just thought, like, every protection order, this person stalking me, they're gonna get arrested. And, you know, the police department in her town had said the same thing and that, like, they were upset because there's not really anything that they can do. I also kept getting suicide threats from her, especially over the last couple weeks. Like, I was getting 100 of them a day most recently. It was, like, a week ago, of her saying, like, she was going to kill herself. It's my fault. Sometimes I would get messages from the brother she has that doesn't really exist. And most recently, about a week ago, she said, from her actual email that she is she's dead. She successfully killed herself. It's my fault. She died with a picture in my hand or something. So I called the police in her town, and they confirmed to me that she is in fact not dead, which I obviously knew, and that they had seen and interacted with her recently. And then I promptly got a lot more messages telling me that I was about to be murder suicided and that she was coming here to kill me and whatever. And I went to my local police department again to be like, please help me. This is unacceptable at this point. And they said, like, if she comes here, we'll get her, which as we know, that's not really how how it works. Like, if if she flies here or shows up at my house or whatever for the purpose of killing me, like, there's no guarantee that I won't be sleeping or I won't be doing something that, like, makes it hard for me to immediately get to 911 and and call in some sort of help, so I kinda stress that. And the police said to me that, well, if you're that concerned, you can hire a bodyguard. And I just had, like, this very obnoxious call. They also asked me because I called at 11 PM at night because that's they told you know, she said that she was gonna fly here and kill me that night. And they were like, why are you calling at 11 PM? It was like, is the police not 247? And, they were like, well, you know, for serious things, sure. But, like, why are you, you know, why are you calling at 11 PM? Also, she, over the last couple weeks, has taken to, like, social media to post videos about me on, like, TikTok and say that I'm lying and whatever. She also whenever, like, a follower of mine comments on a video and is like, this person is a little unhinged or this is crazy or whatever, she messages them and, will fully dox me, my name, my address, my abusers, everything about me, like, every single detail of my life to these random strangers on the Internet. A lot of them at the time thought that, like, she was just joking. This is obviously not someone that actually, like, is stalking me, not the actual person. Like, that'd be crazy. And so I will often, like, I've gotten hundreds of messages from people that are just my followers that are like, yep. They they're messaging me, and this really creepy thing is happening, and I'm concerned about your safety because of that, which upsets me because you know? And so when I brought that to the police, they told me that those people don't fall under so my protection order says, basically, that she can't contact anyone in relation to me in a way that could cause me alarm or, like, fear for my physical safety. And they told me that because I don't know those people personally, that doesn't apply. So, like, they they're people that have as much of a relationship with me as that. But, like, obviously, when they are getting threats that are like, I am flying to this girl girl's state, and I'm going to kill her. And here's all this personal information, her address, and whatever. They're, like, very terrified, and I know a couple people have made police reports, and the police are just like, well, my hands are tied up. So from an advocate standpoint, I that's when I've kind of just been like, if I can't do anything, then I might as well just be speaking, because I have more resources than most do in terms of, like, protecting myself than, especially since I've I have worked in this industry for the last year, but a lot of people don't. So that's sort of why I'm here. So you're still in the midst of this. You don't know, is she gonna continue? Will she just randomly stop? What do you know about this person? I know that they are a female in their twenties. I think that they probably do have some mental health struggles going on. I know I don't really know a whole lot about their life. I do believe that they're probably more of, like, a loner type, and and that's sort of why they became interested in me. I also know from the people they've communicated with that they tell everyone that they're my friend, that that we were or that we were friends and that I've just, like, sort of abandoned the friendship, which is not, like, how I'd ever have described the relationship. I replied a couple times, as, like, sort of this, like, almost, like, fan dynamic. I don't like calling it that, but that's how she described it. Strictly Stalking is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, guys. Whether you love true crime or comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. Right? And guess what? Now you can call the shots on your auto insurance too. Enter the name your price tool from Progressive. The name your price tool puts you in charge of your auto insurance by working just the way it sounds. 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Do you want to see them just stop, get help, go to jail? I think that I think my feelings are tricky because on one end, I feel a large amount of just anger and frustration because they made me feel feelings that I never wanted to face again. Like, I talked a little earlier in the episode about, when I started speaking out initially about being attacked, I had this feeling of forgiveness and wanting to just take my power back. And I that that feeling very much came because I did not believe I had an option. I didn't believe that there was any chance that I would ever be able to get any sort of legal justice. And then they kind of threw the opportunity in, like, they confessed, and and you're gonna get that, and you're gonna get to heal from something that impacted you. And then to find out, actually, no. You're not going to get to heal, and it's gonna be even more trauma. I think that was difficult, and I think part of me, like, wishes I could see something happen, like, in terms of legal justice there. And also I would like there to be a change in stalking laws and especially if there is some way that this experience could, inspire them, and I I think parasocial relationships can be very dangerous. I I wanna continue to advocate for that, but at the same time, is this a person that I think is deeply well and, you know, is gonna benefit from jail time and whatever. I I don't know. I don't know. I think that I would need more information. I think that there there needs to be some sort of punishment. I don't know if it's, you know, mental health help, like, mandated, or would it be jail time? Because I think that if they fully understand everything that they are doing and that they have done to me, that yet, like, you do need to serve time for that. You permanently altered the course of my life in a way that I really didn't deserve. But if not, I think that, like, if they were to get help and stop and learn that this type of behavior is not okay and and why, then I would also be okay with that. And being an advocate, going through not only your first attack, but now a stalker inserting themselves into your survival story and and harming you, again, what kind of advice do you have for people that are feeling like there's no way out, that are feeling like it's just pounding down on them. It's one thing after another. You know, they're being attacked. They're being stopped. What kind of advice do you have now that you're a victim's advocate and have gone through that? Mhmm. I think it's also it's really important to know and learn about your resources. So even as a victim advocate, I actually worked with a victim advocate to help me speak up for myself because though I know, like, I'm pretty good at speaking, getting my point across, even I wasn't heard. I think it's important to remember at the end of the day what your goals are, that your story matters, and that it you know, you deserve to be able to get the help and the support and the justice that you deserve. And I think that, ultimately, there is always a way out. Like, no matter how scared or alone or just heartbroken that you may feel throughout whatever's happening to you, there's always just this light at the end of the tunnel. There's always a reason to persevere and to ask for help, and it's never never not worth it. When people question someone's authentic experiences or mock survivor stories, what kind of message do you wanna send to them? I think that it's important to remember that even the stories that you hear online, like, you can never be in someone else's shoes. You don't know what it was like for them to experience it. You don't know how much of it happened or what they're saying or what they're holding back or whatever. And I think that it's so important to just when you hear these stories, make sure that you are believing survivors because a lot of the time, even though sometimes, yes, they can sound wild and and crazy and whatever, that that doesn't really give you this right to sort of take away from something that might have taken a person a lot to speak up about. And, also, as we know, statistically, the majority of survivors are telling an authentic story. There's not really like, I think that oftentimes those people believe that there's some sort of clout to be gained from lying about it. And in reality, like I've described a few times in this podcast, like, it can actually be very dehumanizing. And I can't imagine wanting to create content and then be attacked for it and whatever and how it would feel if I wasn't being genuine. But, I think that the majority of of creators that are speaking up about their stories, like, do have a desire to be transparent and just show how it is. And I think it's just important to to trust them until there's a reason that you shouldn't. You've mentioned the term parasocial relationships multiple times. Where do you now draw the line? I think that this one's this is tricky for me because I feel like I love interacting with my followers. I think that there is there's a power dynamic there. I am a person that I think in some ways it is true that they have almost created. Like, I wouldn't be a person that could be looked up to if I didn't have a following, that is made up of real people like this human, and and I think that oftentimes people really just want to feel close to a person that they are really putting their time and energy and sometimes money into, and I I respect that. So I always want to be able to, you know, give these responses and interact with people and share that same kindness back, but at the same time, it has put my safety at risk. So I have had to draw the line with, like, a lot of times I do read messages, and I will just, like, heart react to them and not respond because I I can't get that deep into it with someone as much as maybe I would want to. I've had to draw the line at just, like, protecting my mental health and my physical safety and whatever. And I encourage people to remember that though you might absolutely love and support someone so much, that does not mean that you know them. There are probably things about me that even my followers, if they found out, they might not like. There are maybe values that I have that they might not align with, and they change their opinion on me. We see this a lot of times with, like, any sort of public figure. You find out something about them, and then that automatically changes your perception. But at the end of the day, people you look up to are human, and you can't sort of like, it's it's okay to feel the sense of, like, closeness with them, but I think I think it's important to also remember that there is a line and you don't know them. Lexi, thank you tremendously for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Lexi. If anyone out there is in need of help or is a victim of stalking, please reach out. You can find a list of resources on our Instagram at strictly stocking pod. If you'd like to share your story with us on strictly stocking, you can reach us at strictlystalkingpod@gmail.com. That's strictlystalkingpod@gmail.com. As a listener of Strictly Stalking, please leave a review and rate us 5 stars on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you listen. And now we're on Patreon with ad free episodes, bonus episodes, and live q and a. Join us at patreon.com/strictlisttalk. I'm Jake Deptula. And I'm Jamie Beattie. Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Strictlystock.
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