Transcript
Hey. In this episode, Alan Hamill. That's right. The man married to Suzanne Somers for all those years, and a good friend of the show is gonna join us to give us a little clarity on his situation many years ago with the fire and the coastal commission in Malibu, and you'll get to hear it from the horse's mouth. Also, Mayhem Miller's doing some news, and I got a ton of thoughts right after this. Alright. This show brought to you in part by SimpliSafe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com/adam. Get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom system's gonna show up posthaste@simplisafe.com/adam. From Carolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Today, the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now living in a city and state run by flame r****deds, Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. The judgment's gonna mandate you. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We love that about you. Alright. We got Mayhem, Miller. Show. Serious Can't be as crazy as I normally wanna be. Gotta be serious. Alright. Serious guy. What's going on, Mayhem? Well, how the fires affected you? I kinda know where you live. Man, I dodged it like the matrix. Just this one burned, that one burned. I don't know. God had blessed me. Nothing. No. No problem. I'm just, like, avoiding it. Even my friends, I posted, hey. I got a truck. If you need some help Mhmm. Nobody nobody in my I don't know how. I know I'm gonna someone's gonna come up to me tomorrow and tell me, Hey. This affected me, but so far, I've been blessed to avoid it. And, you're the closest one because in your house, something protected good construction probably, but yeah. Mhmm. No. The concrete does not burn at that low attempt. I mean, it's gotta be Alright. So listen. Okay. Everybody. There's rarely such a thing as a concrete house. Although, I shared pictures and stories of a house that was on PCH. Now so here's the thing. I was a former builder. So when I see people building things in an unorthodox and different way, I take note of it. Right? Same way you would do with MMA technique. Exactly. You know what I mean? And there was a house. So PCH was mostly all burned with a couple examples of homes that made it. And there was one I was very curious about because I've talked to friends like Bill Simmons, and he was like, it's burnt all the way down PCH. And I was like, there was a building. And Dawson remembers me talking about it. And I even took pictures of it and sent it maybe to Joe, probably to Chris before that. It's in a computer somewhere of a triple or double lot wide in the middle of PCH. Now that would be where Nobu kinda where Nobu is. But they built a modern house, and they did formed, poured concrete, monolith slab all the way up the front and all the way around the place. I mean, just formed, you'll see the holes in it for those are where the formed ties are. They put them through the plywood so it doesn't blow out the forms, and then they pump concrete. And you can just see it going all the way up about 24 2 and a half, 3 stories, all four corners. They poured this whole whole building in place, rebar. It's a bomb shelter. And and I assume they did it at the time because PCH oh, that's it. Yeah. I took pictures of it. PCH, we gotta tighten up on it a little. It's very loud. Mhmm. And so it gets real quiet when you pour these concrete walls in front is versus stucco and 2 by fours or wood cladding or lath or whatever, windows and everything else. But this is wildly unorthodox. Just full slabs of concrete. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be why it would be unorthodox here in California where things burn all the time. I'm I'm imagining a 3 d printed concrete structure. Well, maybe there'll be a lot more of that. But this stuff is it's very expensive to build this way is what I would say. It's what you do is you now you can see that the forms are about 8 feet, and then there's a break. And then there's another form, and it's about 8 feet. Look. If you guys wanna know everything, a piece of plywood is 4 foot wide and 8 foot tall. So when you start seeing forms and stuff, it's all pieces of plywood. That's where you see the lines are. Four foot wide, 8 foot tall. So what they do is they take plywood, and they do a front side and a back side. And they make it, like, a foot thick, and they put these wires with little nuts on it, little little threaded pieces. Those are formed ties so they can pump concrete into it, not blow it out. You feel me? Mhmm. Then they put tons of rebar in it, and then they pump it. But they leave the rebar running wild at the top, So they tie the next set of rebar into it and put the next set of plywood forms on it and pump the next set. Anyway, this house remained because you couldn't burn this. You could fly one of the planes that hit one of the twin towers into this thing, and it would be it would be fine. So these people built their house like the little piggy that built the house out of bricks and not out of straw or or what have you. So there's there's a way there's a way to do it. The new world order will be nothing on the exterior of the house that can catch on fire. All the wood, all the trim, all the eaves, all that stuff, None of that. Yeah. There was a a house in Orange County, big house in Orange County that survived wildfires because of the construction. Yeah. Now, so I was marveling at this place the whole time they're building it, and and and they finished this build, and this is a $100,000,000 house. They finished this build 8 months before the fire. So I was like, oh my god. They spent 5 years building this house, and then if they just finished it and the fire swept through. But, it it it remained. And and some of it is the building. Well, that's a lot of it, the building techniques, and then a lot of it's just weird luck of the luck of the draw. But the the the what what people say all the time is, like, the house is cement on the outside. They they don't mean cement. They they they mean stucco. Yeah. I was gonna say, I think stucco might have saved your house. Yeah. It rubbed your knuckles, but guess what? It's a high temperature burn. You know? So here's here's how stucco works just for everybody. They frame the house with wood, the the wood frame. Then they take lath, which is called klath, which is which is a tar paper with metal chicken wire type grid on it, and they staple it. They nail it to the outside of the house. Mhmm. Then the Mexican comes along, and he's got his Trowel. Trowel. Yeah. And he's got his hawk. Yeah. Hawk. Yeah. Mixed up his his stucco, and he uses a notch trowel, and he puts a notch. He ices the cake. He ices the cake, but it's got lines all over it because he uses a trowel that's notched. Yep. And it's all notchy, so it'll take the next one. Then he waits for that one to dry, then he puts the next coat on. That's called the brown coat. Notch coat, brown coat. Yep. 3rd coat's the color coat. Yeah. What color is your stucco? Yeah. That one's thin. Now when you're done, you got about a inch and an eighth of cement product all around your house. High temperature. You know? Yeah. And if it's going into aluminum windows or metal windows and there's no eaves hanging over with t and g and, you know, a 2 by 6 eaves hanging over the top or whatever, and fascia and that kind of stuff made out of a 2 by 6, then there's really not that much to burn. I know some of those letters. So you that's what they're shooting for. I mean, that's what Shelby. Now, like, my condo has sprinklers in it. Yeah. Not not on it. But but In anything caught inside, they would've took care of it. Yes. But what about the neighbors, bud? I mean, I guess you haven't been back. So I guess I haven't been back. Yeah. I have not been back. And the the question is is when are we going back? I don't know. I am running out of I'm running out of socks, bro. I'm running out of stuff to wear. Bro, and I you gotta get off my couch, really. Drew offered up his pool house to me about 20 minutes ago. So that's, that's good. Also, in this, Joe's got a few of the tweets, but somebody, a day or so ago, just, I think, innocently tweeted me and said, what's going on with the new men cars? I hope the collection is safe. Now I think that's a reasonable thing to ask. Maybe not a reasonable thing to ask, or maybe it would have been insensitive day 1. I mean, not to me, but for others. But once, everyone is safe and, the structures in place Yeah. Then I think it makes sense to say, what about the Newman Carr collection? Because, they're one of 1. And, look. If you had an original couple of pages from the Declaration of Independence, I think it'd be reasonable to ask 4 or 5 days after the fire, how are the pages from the Declaration of Independence doing? Yeah. Yeah. How's the Shroud of Turin doing? Yeah. We all care. How's the Magna Carta doing that you own? You have a correspondence letters from Davy Crockett. Yeah. Are those okay? I think that would be a reasonable thing to ask 5 5 5 days in. Now your original child's play Chucky Dole. Yes. So what I get is Timothy Cody says to me, hope your Newman car collection is okay. An update would be appreciated. So I'm sitting in my Vegas hotel room, and I thought, oh, yeah. People think the collection may be because all of Los Angeles is on fire, and the collection was formerly in Los Angeles. So I then wrote back Joe will find this somewhere. I then wrote back, no, I did not write that back. Alright. If we can get it together here, people. We knew this day was coming for us. Funny. We we do the preplanning of this stuff, but then when we try it, there's so much But I just call I I was just checking to see if you're still watching earthquake while the fire was going on and just hanging out. So then I have a response, and my response is they are all safe in a Reno museum to the person who wanted to know if the collection was okay, and he wanted an update. So I wrote back, later that day, probably moments later, they're all safe. And then I got this response from a woman who was reading this correspondence, And that's the one where we say, or we do not have what we just saw or do we? Or is it are the is are the computers slow or are we slow or how does this work? She wrote, because vintage cars are your biggest concern right now. I think she was being sarcastic, but that was a jab at me and Timothy, who asked. I'm so f**king tired of b***hes doing this. Like, I no. I vintage cars are not my biggest concern right now. I was asked by somebody how is it going. And it's been long enough that I know everyone around me is safe, including myself, so I thought it would be okay to answer this this person who asked about cars. By the way, vintage cars, at least my vintage cars, are a pretty big concern to me, and, they are a bigger concern during fires because, that would have a higher chance of losing them. But, anyway, I wrote back as I wrote to everyone during COVID, yes, hero. That's my number one concern. Yes. That's all I first off, b***h, I didn't bring it up. Somebody brought it up days after the fire and just asked what the status was. And I simply replied, they're in Reno, so don't worry about it. That's it. I didn't say they were the jewel in the crown of the Carolla of monarchy or that's all I cared about or haven't inquired about my kids, but I have inquired about the cars. I just said they were fine and in Reno. And, also, first off, Shamazilla? Schmooze. Schmooze. Schmooze. Schmooze. Schmoozele. Schmoozele is her name. I have no idea what your raise on debt is. I don't know what you do. I don't know what your plan is, but what the f**k is becoming your life? I have no f**king idea who these people are. What is wrong with you? Somebody inquired about a collection I have, and I told the person they were safe and in one place. I didn't do a soliloquy on it. I didn't talk about the insurance. I didn't talk about the value. I didn't talk about loving them more than my children or my dog. I just said they're fine. And then you had to take a jab. You you have to take a jab who's I am living I've been wearing the same f**king socks for 4 days, and I'm living out of a garbage bag in a s**tty hotel in Burbank. Is do you need to take the jab, or can I just answer the person? Vintage car. Biggest concern right now? And listen, b***h. You don't care about vintage cars. Good. I don't I don't ask about your butt plug collection. I stay out of it. Just stay out of it. This is a person that wanted to know, and I gave them an answer. Why does it even involve you? But, anyway, so then I wrote back, yes, hero. That's my number one concern even though I've never f**king spoken about it until I was asked. And then she wrote back to I think the guy I think she wrote back to the person who asked the question. Am I right? I think that's what she she was aiming at. You were just, like, caught in the crossfire. Yeah. She was replying to Timothy. Oh, okay. And then I got put to both of you. I got caught in the collateral, and then she wrote back to Timothy. We've now we've gotta throw up the exchange. You can you we can kinda scroll through. She replied to Timothy a lot. She replied to a lot of people who replied to the thread. Oh, okay. So what did she write when she was replying? Schmooze starts in a negative space, somebody said. And she said, how's this for negativity? Go suck a giant dick, loser. God, I feel elated now. Positivity is invigorating. I really like this lady. That kinda turn in the corner. I got a back on my g I'm back on her side. I look. Okay. Let's just okay. Can can we just break this down, Mayhem? Yeah. Yeah. I'm into it. Game footage. In general, I have to tell people all the time, I didn't start any of this. You put yourself you entered this thing. You didn't need to do it. I've had many, many an argument, especially with women, where I just went, I didn't ask for any of this. Yeah. I was just trying to fix this or do this or whatever this. There's no reason for you no one reached out to you. Somebody let's put it to you this way. A a number of days after the fire or or at least after the imminent threat of the fire had passed my particular area, family, friends, and so on and so forth. Somebody asked the very logical question of what about look. Someone asked William Shatner what's going on with the horses. Are the horses okay? Why? He has horses. So they wanna know Yeah. How are the horses? Yeah. Alright. I have horses' power in terms of race cars. Now you can go, well, one's a one of one is one of God's creatures. The other, well, listen. They're one of 1. If they perish, they'll never be another. And they have a value, but they also they have a historical value to them as well. They're Paul Newman's race cars. They're one of 1. I it's perfectly logical for somebody to inquire how are they. Did they perish in the fire? Okay. So they inquired, and then I said, they're in Reno. They're safe, and thanks. Okay. There is no reason for you to enter this conversation. Look. She inject herself into it so that she could be the center of attention and then have a Twitter war. I guess they call it x war now. But, yeah, she's in there responding to every comment, it looks like. So this is all about her. There's a ton of her. She she's sort of s**tting on you for how much you're concerned, but then she replies to a 100 different people. Yeah. I'm also okay. I got a lot of thoughts. I have done other thought are the people who brings you know, you bring something up, and they go, why are you obsessed with this? It's like no obsession. Somebody just asked how the cars were doing, and I said they're doing good because they're not here. That person thought the cars were in LA because they were in LA for 15 or 20 years. And then recently, they moved to Reno where there is no fire, so I thought I would inform them of that. But she wants to do battle. But you know what I love about these people? It's a it's a woman thing, mostly. They then at some point, they pour a glass of white wine, and they explain to their friends what's going on in the world. What's with all the stress? I can't f**king believe it. You can't even turn on the TV or pick up the phone anymore without somebody f**king attacking you. God, f**k Elon for buying Twitter because he's letting all this hate speak. It's like, b***h, you did it. You inserted yourself into this and then started all of it. And then at some point See, you've never seen this, I don't think, b***h. I know. A very toxic chick, man. Toxic chick that are really like to argue. This is just sparring for her. They're like she's just, like, getting her arguments down for whatever dumb schlub starts banging her. Alright. So what else does she have to say? She's one point guy to eat a dick. At one point, she says, we get it. You like butting into somebody. Her this whole thing is her butting in on a conversation she wasn't a part of. Well, number 1, all of this stuff is all projection. I'm now realizing that every f**king nutty broad I speak to, every politician I hear from, it's all projection. They just project, and then they get involved. And then here we are. So she's Someone someone defends you by saying people do this thing called multitasking, insinuating you can be concerned about the fire or whatever and also reply to people about your cars. And she says Multitasking is when you beat off while changing a tire, not yapping on social media about vintage cars, while thousands of homes and loved ones into a devastating wildfire. But thanks for chiming in, a*****e. I'm telling you, I dated that girl. Wait a sec. She's married to a brilliant, handsome navy vet. Well, say that again slowly, Joe. You read about well, I'll read it. Multitasking tasking is when you beat off while changing a tire. I don't know where she went to finishing school. I I like where her head's at, but I've changed a lot of tires. I've done a lot of beat no. But I've never made a peanut butter. I have. You have? I have. Yeah. Yeah. Beat off while changing a tire? I changed the tire. It's taken so long to get to pick me up that I just threw a threw a nice beat. You know, it's a good joke. I come by, and I go, got the space saver out? You go, no. It's a full size tire. And I go, I'm talking about your c**k. Alright. So multitasking is when you beat off while changing a tire, not yapping on social media about vintage cars while 1,000 lose their homes and loved ones and a devastating wildfire. But thanks for chiming in, a*****e. Okay. Couple things. How much of this is just making themselves heroes? Because all I got during COVID was people going, I have an autistic brother who who I take care of, and I don't believe it's a like, it's a lot of me me. Like, I'm gonna take a stand. I'm doing something for these people. Yapping in the media about your vintage cars. Also, there's a lot of stuff where I get asked questions, and I answer them. I don't bring a lot of stuff up, but I will answer them. But that's not me yapping in the media about my vintage vintage cars. Much as I'd love yapping in the media about my vintage cars. But, also, here's another thing. My cars being safe in Reno and me talking about my cars has nothing to do with anyone who lost their house. This is another chick think thing, which is, like, somehow me talking about Paul Newman's cars has emptied the aquifers, and that's why the fire hydrants have no pressure. It has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do with my cars. I could either talk exclusively about vintage cars or never talk about vintage cars ever again, and it would not change by 1 tenth of 1% anything that has happened to anyone in their building, their loved ones, their schools, or their churches. So there is no anything to do. Now if somebody said, Adam, you are a, you're you're a paramedic, and, you're part of the paramedic reserve corps, and we need you to come out to the Palisades. And I said, I can't. I'm busy talking about my vintage cars, then maybe maybe that would have some effect. But considering I'm just sitting in a hotel in Vegas and I'm a comedian and a podcaster, then then no. How many responses did did she give? And then why here's the other thing too I wanna say to everyone. What happened that you have this kind of energy for everything? Because this is really something you should have zero energy for if if in your her. Why so much energy? She's sitting there on the toilet, texting this for an hour and a half. She's watching, Love is Blind Germany. You know, she's, like, multitasking. She jerking off, changing the tire. Nobody pays attention to her in real life. Nah. Yeah. I bet she does. I bet she's annoying to everyone, I'm telling you. I mean, this chick. The the easiest way to determine how many times she replied would be going back in her Twitter and counting, but I have been scrolling from the top of her Twitter down for a solid 90 seconds, and I'm not through yesterday. Yeah. She spends her whole day replying to people on Twitter. Yeah. She has a work from home job. I get when you get into a scrum with someone on Twitter and it's something you feel passionate about and you blame Newsom for the fire hydrants being empty and she's a this other person defends Newsom. This guy this, there's there's no meat on this bone. It's just a car collection that I have that people ask where it is, and I said it's in Reno. That's all. See, again, you're attributing your, like, wisdom to this lady. This lady has a narrow focus. So every, every comment at her was a chance for her to fire back. So you guys are not understanding, but she just spent the whole evening. She's like, no. She's she's, like, had her dance card booked booked all night with the I wonder how her Navy Seal hero husband feels about this because it's gotta be the opposite of how this guy She is also a she's she's tweets a lot about COVID. In her bio, it says prosecute Fauci. And then recently, even after that reply to you, she replied to a different tweet from you saying, can you go one podcast without bringing up COVID? Because she has prosecute Fauci in her bio and wants you to stop talking about COVID. So she's mentally ill. Okay. Alright. And by the way, nobody hates Fauci more than me, b***h. Come on. Alright. She can't even see allies. That's how much she likes to fight. We need to take a break. Allen Hamill. Now Allen, of course you guys know as a long, long time husband to Suzanne Somers, I know Alan Hamill as a talk show host and a host and a guy I used to watch on TV. My supermarket was alpha beta. Alpha beta was, like, poor man's Lucky's. Like like, picture your low end market. Yeah. You know, we had the the hierarchy. You had Gelson's at the top, Ralph's Safeway in the middle. Food Lion, Winn Dixie Winn Dixie, Piggly Wiggly for me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. So so so why don't we you know, it's funny because you could do a kinda tri hierarchy with everything. Like, you could go like me growing up. Levi's, tough skins underneath, JCPenney superdenim at the bottom. Dickies, Levi's, or, like, yeah, 501. And then, oh, and then there was just, like, ghetto pants. Okay. Yeah. Schwinn Yeah. Raleigh Huffy. Oh. That's it. So, by the way, I was at the bottom of all the lists. So I I'm telling you, I don't need to talk about your family, your origin, what your dad did for a living. You tell me Levi's, Schwinn, Gelsons. I'm like, okay. Pretty f**king good childhood. Yeah. You tell me Oh, yeah. Super denim, huffy, and alpha beta. I'm like, a unique economic indicators. Yes. I I only need those 3. This is the bike. If you had a Schwinn, you had Levi's, and you rode it over to the Gelsons, you did you're doing okay for yourself. Yeah. So I was huffy alpha beta Super Denim at JCPenney. So Alan Hamill did the commercials for for Alpha Beta. Alpha Beta. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nice. So I said, I knew him. Even personal. He's a Canadian guy. Anyway, he's a friend, and, he told me the last time we went out to dinner in Malibu, because he loves Malibu, he did 25 minutes on the Coastal Commission and trying to rebuild and all that kind of stuff. So there's a lot of people speculating, are we gonna be able to expedite all this? And he's the guy who never got his house rebuilt, so he he didn't even have it burned down. Yeah. We got him in an Alpha Beta commercial just because it's fun. Way. It might alpha beta alpha beta was in North Hollywood, in a bad part of North Hollywood. And my dad lived in a crappy apartment in North Hollywood, and we used to shop there. And my dad would buy, like, 99¢ steaks, put them on a frying pan with no f**king handle, my dad's frying pan handle. Here's another thing. All all of okay. My family would never buy a piece of furniture or a pan, a pot or pan or anything like that. They would just get recycled. They, you know, they they would get a a an old sofa and tuck a sheet into it. They didn't I didn't know you could buy new stuff. So my dad's old s**tty pans, they heat cycled. And after they heat cycled, the plastic handle would bust off because it would heat cycle too many times. But we didn't throw it away or buy a new one. You just had to use a towel or your sleeve or a t shirt to put the pan. And my dad didn't own he was the only full blooded Italian that never owned olive oil. He didn't know what olive oil was. He didn't know what salt he didn't season it. He just took this 99¢ steak that he got at alpha beta, and he just throw it in this pan and just turn the flame on and just burn on both sides and go, okay. Then there's your dinner. So, the alpha beta is where we used to walk to in North Hollywood. Here's Allen Hamill, by the way. Hi. I'm Allen Hamill at an Alpha Beta Market, and with me is Hisae Bemis. Hisae, how long you've been shopping at Alpha Beta? Almost 10 years. Why? Because I see a blue stickers all over the store. Are these the things that you buy? Mhmm. You've been saving some money. English would be nice. Really nice. Do you have a friend you'd like to tell? Yes. Go ahead. Right out there. Okay. K cosine, iras**te, alpha beta. Oh, k cosine. Alpha beta for extra reduced prices. That's the Allan Hamill I grew up watching and later married Suzanne Somerson. And we hung out. We'd go to Allan. I'd we'd be invited to Allan's house. He's in Palm Springs now. And a great guy. 89 years old. They're going strong. But, I wanna hear his his story of the Coastal Commission. He's gonna he's gonna chime in later. Take a quick break. Got a lot more right after this. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. American Giant. Well, it's that time of year where you need a good hoodie. It's essential, but it's tough to find one that's gonna last through the season. American Giant classic full zip hoodie is made to last a lifetime. Slate Magazine called it the greatest hoodie ever made. That's a lot because, there have been hoodies around for a long time. And to be the greatest, well, it has to be the best. I was dubious until they sent me one, and now I'm here to testify. It is the best hoodie ever made. Custom heavyweight fleece and side panels for mobility, plus a double lined hood and reinforced elbow patches as well. Every American Giant piece is made in America and designed to last. No exceptions. It's American Giant. It's the best hoodie ever made. Right, Dawson? This season, snag the hoodie that will bring you comfort for life, the American Giant classic full zip, and save 20% on your first order at americandashgiant.com. When you use code Adam and check out this 20% off your first order at americandashgiant.com, code Adam. SimpliSafe traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. It's too late at that point. I mean, let's face it. They've already broken in. It's got the word broken right in it. I've been using these guys for a 1000000 years. So is everyone who works here. And, like I said, it's not hardwired, so you can pick it up. You know, if you're renting and you move to a new place, take the system with you. SimpliSafe. They have active guard outdoor protection. It changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. If someone's lurking around or acting suspicious, agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off your spotlights, and even call the police. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. It's around a buck a day for security and peace of mind. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to your family. It's SimpliSafe. Right, Dawson? You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring and your 1st month free at simplisafe.com/adam. Just head to simplisafe.com/adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this year. Keep your home, your family, and your peace of mind protected with SimpliSafe. There's no safe like SimpliSafe. In the spirit of Murrow, Jennings, Cronkite, Here's another great moment in local news. Are under mandatory evacuations, and obviously, you can hear all of our phones are going off some type of, of alert. We're just mapping out here our under mandatory evacuations. And, obviously, you can hear all of our phones are going off some type of, of alert. Evacuation warning, it looks like. Yeah. My alert reads, this is an emergency message from the LA County Fire Department. An evacuation warning has been issued in your area. Yep. Remain vigilant of any threats and be ready to evacuate. That's a great moment in local news. Now back to the Adam Carolla show. Yeah. So I played you guys that clip, joke and look forward, several months ago. If you just wanna know who the Coastal Commission is, the Coastal Commission is, like, 8 or 9 super woke, youngish, lefty, environmental douchebags who don't live anywhere near the coast and hate anyone who has enough money to live near the coast. And they're there. They say to protect the coastline, but they're really there just to tell everyone to f**k off and try to do everything. I don't I don't I don't think they could afford to live near the coast in in LA. But there was a tape, we played several months ago, which is, Elon Musk wanted to launch at Cape whatever, Fort whatever up up Ventura County, up the coast from the fires probably about 45, 50 miles towards San Francisco toward the north. And they don't like Elon's tweets. They don't like what who who he's friends with or whatever it is, so they weren't gonna let him launch, which is to say it's all politics. It has nothing to do with launching. It has everything to do with, I don't like that guy because he's rich and he's white and he's friends with Trump. So that's who they are, and that's essentially why Alan Hamill doesn't get to re rebuild. So just just so you know, and we'll and and, again, I'm hoping well, not hoping. I'm I I kinda like it, but you're not supposed to say this stuff out loud. If you're a black fire lady, you're not supposed to make fun of men who get stuck in a burning home saying it's your fault. You're not you're not you can get drunk and think that, and you can tell it to your girlfriends, but you can't say it into a camera lens. And if you're the Coastal Commission, you're not supposed to say when you're mic'd up, we're gonna tell Elon to go pound sand because we don't like his politics. You're not supposed to say that because that's not supposed to factor into your decision. Your decision is how much does this impact the coast line. But we're in a new era of tribal politics. Right? Right. But I think people are gonna start shutting the f**k up. Yeah. What what I mean is is at some point, we're going to elect a new lesbian fire chief. And then someone's gonna say, hey, lesbian fire chief. The gay parade's coming down the street. Why don't you pick up the gay flag and put your fireman uniform on and walk up and down, and then we'll film you high fiving the bears, the trannies, and the he shes. And then that person's gonna have to think, you know what? I don't think I'm gonna do that. Yeah. Because in 3 years, when the entire city burns down and people are calling me incompetent, I don't want that footage running behind the news story. Yeah. There you go. Alright. We have the, Coastal Commission saying whether they're gonna let Elon launch or not. This is the lesbian? That could be it. But you you all work, but I I do do share some concern from the commissioner. Wilson brought up because of the fact that, you know, last year, we did see, you know, the owner of Starlink shut down Starlink when one of our allies was going to attack one of our adversaries. That's not true, by the way. He's not a commissioner. He's just testifying. So left wing radicals go Well, I guess that'll be Hugh Hewitt there, but I don't know. We probably have a better clip of of that that doesn't just talk about Starlink, but talks about what I was talking about, which is his texts and tweets and things. But you can take a little time and find a good clip is what I'm saying. And it'll always be the clip I'm talking about. So if I don't say Starlink, then probably not. That's the one we had in our history about Elon and No. We had we had no. We didn't have Hugh Hewitt doing this breakdown or maybe we did. Maybe it's the second maybe it's the second after Lee Hewitt. If we got to the ladies a little bit later argument in yeah. Just like Maybe it's the one after this is what you can do. And you can also scrub forward if you want and find that. So we'll, see if we can find that. It's also salad days for the sign language guys. The sign language guys, I don't I think it's a California thing. New York. It's have a guy on the side busting Yeah. American sign language off to the side. Yes. Yes. Yes. Which I I think it's more of a Democrat than a Republican thing. I think it exists on both sides. But if it's a California Democrat thing, that guy is not only in the frame, but he's banging elbows with whoever's giving the speech. Like, he is up in their s**t. Like, they're right there. And the guy is kind of stealing the show because while the talking head stiff fire chief lady's just droning on, this guy's going Yeah. Full he looks like the Australian breakdancing chick. I know. Like, he's in full gun. Yeah. He's in ray gun. He's in full ray gun mode, and I end up end up watching that guy not really listening. Also, again, you can just put the, closed caption on your TV and read everything the person is saying. Mhmm. But the purists say that's not American sign. Yeah. Yeah. American sign is its own language. Yeah. And they have to do facial expressions, and you have to watch the whole person's body. I get it. If I was deaf and, like, knew American sign language, and it's, like, up to the minute kinda I would wanna know immediately spoke to my in my language, but I get it too. We got closed captioned. We got predictive closed captions. Can read verbatim what the person is saying via closed captioning. So delay. So, you know, you don't know if CNN did it. Listen. That's not the biggest thing in the world. It's just funny to me that these guys have had first, COVID was the greatest thing that ever happened to these guys, and then the set part 2 of these coastal fires where these guys are just animated going nuts. I would also argue that it is while I like enthusiasm and I like that you're doing your job with vigor, you can't steal focus. But you have to. The ASL is like the reason it's so funny to us because we don't know the language, so it looks like they're mugging and blah, but they have to, like, perform, you know, the facial expressions. I know. It's a very strange language. Could we do the box thing where they're down on the bottom 8th or something rather than banging elbows with Newsom making f**king crazy faces and pulling He's just in a truck in a sprinter van Yeah. In a bopplock. You're pulling a lot of focus. Yeah. Alright. So we have some of that. We also have Coastal Commission if we have it. I don't you can put on my screen if we have. You can write if we have it, Byron, or whomever's, pulling it. So, here it is. Let's see. Elon Musk is hopping about the country. Spewing and tweeting political falsehoods. From the beginning. Sorry. Sorry. From the whatever. Go ahead. There we go. Right now, Elon Musk is hopping about the country, spewing and tweeting political falsehoods and attacking FEMA while claiming his desire to help the hurricane victims. Okay. So any you don't think they're corrupt politically? So that's who you're dealing with with the Coastal Commission. The apolitical nature under which you all work. Apolitical except for they're totally politicized. And that's why we don't have desalination plans Yeah. Or anything. We don't have anything because these people won't let us do it. But it's basically, 8 r****ds holding millions of people hostage with their politicized policies, which I think is gonna have to go. Looks like it. Yeah. Yes. Mhmm. I I think that everyone is now, like, fomenting the dissonance. Like, everyone's getting angry at the at the word democrat now, and people are starting to catch hold of that idea. Well, they they need in California, I should say. Because They just need to reel it in and go back to the Bill Clinton era of democrat, Democrat, and then it'll be fine. But it sounds like we need, like, sweeping deregulation for a lot of industries to get the California to back to a growth status instead of people leaving. Yeah. And we'll see if they can do it because it's hard for them to do it. Mike August was telling me they're not gonna do it. They can't help themselves in doing it. I said, well, Mike, they got real gaugy when it came to the film and TV industry, and the film and TV industry just left. They just went to Canada Yeah. And they went to Atlanta. They went to New Mexico. Exactly. They went to Prague. They just got up and left. So at some point, the LA city council and the mayor and everyone went, you know what? We're a little bit greedy, so we're gonna lower the taxes and lower the regulation, so come on back. So they know how to backtrack when people are leaving. Yeah. I guess is what I'm saying. Now they usually wait till people leave in order to backtrack and try to get them back. But I think they're gonna have to adapt because and and so let's let's really kind of see if we can be consistent here. Regulation is good to a degree, and then it has to stop. Because once it keeps going, it becomes burdensome is what is what I'm saying. So it's like when Jimmy and, Adam Perry Lang opened a restaurant on the west side, I was asking Adam, how's the sandwich the takeout business going? And he said, we're not open for the sandwich and the takeout business, which is gonna be some of their business. And I said, why not? He said, well, because by the window where we slide the window open to hand people their sandwiches, we don't have our blower defector thing. Not defector, but deter thing blowing so a fly can't blow it. You know what I mean? So, we don't have that signed off on yet, and so we can't hand people sandwiches. So we can't do it. So I said, yeah. But there's a guy 8 feet in front of you on the sidewalk selling ghetto dogs Exactly. That he's making up on top of a shopping cart with a propane tank on it. That guy is fine. Yeah. That guy is fine. And right before I got here, right before the fire started, I was telling you guys at the equinox I was at, the sauna was too cold because they couldn't turn it up higher by law because the sensor was above it, and the snack bar wasn't open because they didn't see because because they overregulate, and that's what it now saying there's a health inspector, okay, and saying that the mayonnaise can't get into the 80 80 degrees because it'll go bad and people get food poisoning, fine. All cities have that. All states have that. There are rules. I get it. When you make a freeway overpass, it's here's what number rebar we're using, and here's how far it's gonna be spaced out, and here's the concrete we're using. Standards. Fine. That's good. That's good. But then we have to stop at some point, and Los Angeles doesn't stop, and that's when it becomes burdensome. I I never forget and I've had many so I've been doing battles with inspectors my entire adult life. Yeah. And first, when I was in the business and then later on when I was just doing stuff for myself. But, like, famously, I was installing a dishwasher in my home. And the guy came in, the inspector. I was trying to get the final on the kitchen. And the guy came in, and he goes, there's no breather. The breather is that weird little 3 inch round snorkel thing that sits on top of every counter that used to be on every counter for the dishwasher. You'd hear it when it'd be filling or draining. It's like it's like it's like a breather hub, a breather. And it used to be on on everyone. If you think about it, you don't see them anymore, but it was a part of our childhood, that weird chrome breather thing. Was the yeah. New designs don't need that. It was so the it it was basically so the waste water didn't cross over and get into the clean dishes or whatever it was. Okay. So that's how it used to be. Now this is, like, 2,001, maybe 2,000. So it hasn't crossed over yet. Now it's crossed over. So I said the guy came in. He's gonna be my final. And he goes, where's your breather? And I said, well, you know what? I got one of these Fisher Paykel high end new dishwashers, and, if you look at the manual, page 32 a, it's installation with the breather, and then page 32 b is installation with the hoop of the gap, air gap loop thing or whatever. But you don't have to have a hole in the top of your countertop where I, by the way, had a soap dispenser. And this guy said, we gotta have a breather. And I said, well, the people that that manufacture this product say you can install it without a breather, and here it is. And it would be a liability if there was a problem from the manufacturer. And the guy goes, you gotta have a breather. And I said, well, I I don't want a breather. I don't wanna drill a hole in the countertop and put this stupid 3 inch snorkel thing. But, also, these guys invented a dishwasher that doesn't require a breather, and they're smarter than we are because they're from Europe, and this thing's, like, $1200. And he said, give me the manual. I'll take it in to my supervisor, and I'll have him look at it. It's Coastal Commission lesbians all huddled around her? Right. You're you're Your breather. Yeah. My manual. So I said, yeah. Good. Show them page 32 b breatherless installation. Just show it to him. Guy came back. And a couple days later, he goes, yeah. We looked at it. He wants a breather. I said, I I oh, I said, okay. Come back tomorrow. I'm gonna schedule it for tomorrow. He said, okay. I'll never forget it. I got under the f**king sink, and I undid the soap dispenser I had there. I then took a breather and, like, sat it on there and pulled a hose. We we affectionately call it jerry rigging now. We used to call it something else on the job site. Hook, put the hose up. Remember turning the hose clamp and having the having the flat head blade screwdriver slide off and cut my knuckle and just go. Hooked it all up. Guy comes back next day, sees the breather. I go, you give me a final? He goes, okay. I'll give you the final. Gives me the final. As the guy was pulling out of my driveway, I was underneath the g*****n thing, undoing the breather to throw it out, to hook to put the soap dispenser back in, to do it the other way. That's what we're trying to avoid. Not the part where you put rebar in your concrete and not the part where you don't use ocean water to mix with the concrete and deteriorate the concrete. Not none of that. Just the stuff that doesn't make sense. Yeah. That's all, which we have a lot of. Speaking of that, where's my toilet? It's in Nevada. I'm just waiting to someone to pick it up. Rudy, somebody pick it up. You need me to go out there? I got a truck. I want I got a truck too. I want my urinal sink Yeah. That they will not ship to California. Wait. Wait. Why why are you confessing to crimes against the state of California right now? First off, they can all suck my dick. I've been doing this for a 1000000 years. They they won't ship. If if if it's an exhaust system for your car, if it's a urinal that has a sink above it, if it's laminated glass versus tempered glass or vice versa, if it's a if it's a flueless gas fireplace or whatever it is, it's always 49 states, not California. You have to send it to somebody else in Nevada, and they have to truck it in. So your dad has my urinal. Yep. Urinal sink is on route, I guess. I don't know. Somebody's like look. My dad said this thing's, like, £200. If I was a weaker man, I couldn't have dragged it into the garage. So it's just a garage. Sent to your dad. Yeah. s**t. I drove in from Nevada yesterday. I know. And I forgot to tell you. Well, when Rudy, who's out there, comes this way He already he already I wouldn't even mention him, but he already said he'd do it. So he's I'm waiting on him to bring it out here. Alright. So my point is is either this thing is safe or it's not safe. It can't just be unsafe in one state. Everything can't just be unsafe in one state and fine in every other state. I never even asked you what's the reason that it's illegal in California. Illegal in California can mean a lot of different things. Like I said, you order stuff, especially if you do building. They'll say ships anywhere in the United States, and then they'll go except California. Why? Because we have a bunch of coastal commission b***hes who sit around and just f**king make rules. That's all they do. It's all they know how to do, and we're gonna have done do it. This some are more specific. They have to do with, like, the environment. A lot of lot of to do with the environment. Lots of cancer causing benzene, whatever. Every single every single gas pump in California has a sticker that says if you're pregnant, you know, nobody pays any attention to it. They still pump their own gas. But this is all we do is put warning labels on everything and or say you can't you can't ship here. So it's pathetic, but these are the times we're living in. So they're going to have to roll some of that s**t back and get it under control in order to expedite this. Otherwise, they're gonna have a mass exodus of their constituency. These are their donors. Like, okay. I'll put it to you this way. When democratic presidential hopeful du jour rolls into town and they have their big star studded fundraising party, it is often in Malibu. It is often in Santa Monica. It is often in the Palisades. Like, this is their constituency, and their constituency is gonna move to Nashville, and they're never coming back if you f**k with them. So be prepared. I figure right now, like, we make made the Taliban. Like, it's gonna be a bunch of people who are well off and have influence moving back, trying to figure out how to do the regulation. Gonna have the, Hamill effect where they're too angry. You know, it's maybe things will change now because enough people with influence will be angry. It'd be nice. And let's not forget that the Japanese tried this on us during World War 2. Oh, to start fires with the balloons? Yeah. Yeah. They They tried it. They sent this is 19 forties technology. Yeah. They just sent up balloons with fire inside them. Right? 19 forties technology, Japanese sent up balloons to go into the air stream, the gulf stream or whatever, fly over the Pacific Northwest, have the balloons come down with incendiary bombs and fire and and and timers, altitude timers, land and start a forest fire, and we would be busy putting the forest fire out instead of fighting the Japanese. Little did they know they just needed a couple meth heads. Alright. Alan Hamill, the great Alan Hamill is gonna join us via Zoom. We'll take a quick break. Come back with Alan right after this. Hey. It's Adam Kroll from The Adam Kroll Show. Bet online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in game live betting. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing, boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to BetOnline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with BetOnline. BetOnline, the game starts here. Adam and Eve. You wanna have better sex immediately? Well, I got a brand new deal from Adam and Eve at adamandeve.com/ace. Go to adamandeve.com/ace and pick any 4 sex toys for just $20. Absolutely the best deal they've ever offered, and there's a limited time. You get, again, 4. Four sex toys while supplies last. There's something for everyone. You can save a buck 75, a 175 bucks. Save up to a $175 with this exclusive offer. Check out adamandeve.com/ace to see what 4 sex toys will be yours for just $20, which is, like, $5 a toy, which is pack practically free. Adamandeve.com/ace is the only way to get this offer. So spice it up a little. Have some fun. It's cold outside. Warm it up in the bedroom at Adam and Eve. Hydro gyms during January, well, they suck because they get very crowded, and they get very chaotic. A lot of people trying to keep those New Year's resolutions going. Get an immersive full body workout, and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. Hydro rower. Yeah. And there's also sort of never an excuse because it's always there. And I have mine literally in my dining room living room because it's beautiful. Looks like a piece of furniture. Looks like a piece of modern furniture. Hydro is a well, it's my go to for the full body workout. It works 86% of the muscles in 20 minutes low impact, minimal risk of injury, combined strength and cardio. And, again, it's all over in 20 minutes. No excuses. All workouts are led by Olympians and world class athletes and filmed all over the world outside, and not in some stinky dank studio, but beautiful. It's beautiful. The time passes very quickly. Free standard shipping, 30 day risk free trial, and a 1 year warranty. It's all there. I love it. I love my hydro. Right, Dawson? Kick off the new year with a full body workout, all from the comfort of home with hydro. Head over to hydro.com and use code Adam to save up to $475 off your hydro pro rower. That's hydrow.com, code Adam to save up to $475. Hydro.com, code Adam. Public rack. I love this product, all their products. I'm wearing the sweats right now while I'm sitting. You can't tell, but believe you me, I am comfortable in public rack. Why settle for stiff, restrictive fabric when you can have something that looks sharp and feels comfy? So it's got the look of dress, like like like dress pants, but it's comfortable like sweatpants. So it's what you call win win. And I got a limited time offer for my listeners. 20% off your entire order with code acs@publicrec.com. Yeah. One of the few things I grabbed when I was fleeing Malibu was my public rec stuff, and I've been wearing it around Vegas because it's like it's like sweatpants that look like dress pants. Anyway, they don't just go large and medium and small. They you get the you get the inseam. You get you get the width. You get the length. You get the actual size that fits you, and you find the right color for you. They have, navy. They have dark olive. They have stone gray, plus a huge selection of high quality, perfect fitting polos, shorts, and hoodies. It's public rec get the best. Right, Dawson? Make your New Year's resolution a comfortable one. No more pants that pinch, tug, or annoy. For a limited time, you can get 20% off at public rec by using code ACS at checkout. Just head to public rec.com. Use code ACS, and you're all set. Oh, and when they ask you how you found them, be sure to mention our show. It really helps us out. Find your perfect fit and never compromise on comfort again. Public Rec, where comfort rules. Here's a little something we left on the cutting room floor from the 2024 Ace Awards, William Sadler. I asked my agent to ask the casting people. I said, I wanna do an accent battleship scene, there was nothing it wasn't funny. And I had done a play with an actor named Jan Triskin, who's Czechoslovakian. That's right. And he would speak everything. It was like that. It was it it was you ever sank my battleship. Happy New Year. The 2025 Ace Awards coming this December. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show. Well, friend, TV host, producer, and, husband of the late great Suzanne Somers, Allan Hamill, has joined us from, I'm guessing, Palm Springs area. Right, Allan? Right. Palm Springs, it is. It's really weird because I'm looking at the TV and watching all the terrible things that are happening to our beautiful states. And then I turn my head to the right, and the sky is blue, and the sun is shining, and there's no wind. And then I go back to the craziness, and it's like, that's what it is. It's craziness. I agree. But but bless. It's just all crazy. Well, you know, they say I was thinking about this the other day. May you live in interesting times, and I that's not fallen short for me. I realize these are interesting times, and you can call them tragic. You can call them anything you want, but they're interesting, man. There's a lot going on all at once. But this story, you know, I've okay. Let me just encapsulate me. I've been railing against this stuff ever since they put a microphone in front of me because of my former profession, because I was a builder, and I had to deal with this all the time in LA, in California. And I would scream at everyone all the time, you're living in your rent control apartment in Santa Monica. You are doing nothing. You like this. You want more of this. Go out into the world, buy some land, try to develop it, hang your own shingle, and then tell me how much you like this because I don't think you're gonna like it. Bill Maher, as I've said many times, tried to do solar about 3 or 4 years ago at his pad, and now he's been turned out because he realizes what the government is doing and how they're way over their skis. So when Alan and Suzanne at the time started speaking to me about trying to rebuild in their beloved Malibu, I, of course, was all ears because this is something I've been thinking about and talking about for many years. But walk us through it. First off, your old home was where exactly, and what year was your fire? I'm not good at dates, but it feels like our fire was probably 12 to 15 years ago. And we had been living in Malibu, I think, well over 20 years. And, we were living in a little beach shack. Literally, it was a shack. However, it was our favorite home of all the homes we built and renovated and lived in, all those grand estates. This little shack was our favorite place. It was only 1900 square feet, and I was permitted to build an additional 10% with no problems at all. That's the law. And I started with the Coastal Commission, and then I stopped going to those meetings, and I just had my architect go. And they just don't want you to do anything. That was 2007, I'm being told the fire was from. Yeah. Okay. So how many years ago was that? Wow. It's, 18 years now, but 17 had changed probably. Well, time flies when you're arguing with the police information. Yeah. So, yeah, they have little rules, like you can add 10%, but you have to have a parking covered parking or something. They just they all they tack everything on it. Okay. Parking. Okay. So I'm sitting with the architect, who is a fancy architect from Montecito, and he had built 2 houses for us in the past. And we're talking to the I guess it was planning. I don't know what the title of the department was at Malibu City Hall. But we're talking to this woman who probably was in her twenties, but she looked like she was maybe 13 or 14 years old. And she didn't like us. She can just the chemistry was awful. I mean, I went in there and shook hands and smiled. And how are you? And blah blah blah. I got nothing from her. Right. And the kind of date you wanna take home early. And so she started talking about how many cars we would need indoor parking floor. And the architect said, so you're gonna eat up at least half the the the house parking cars. And he said, is there an appeal process? And she said, yes. There is. She said, I can tell you how to appeal this. And then this is the evil that came out of her mouth. She said, I'm entitled to respond to whatever you're complaining about relative to the appeal appeal process, but I'm very busy. So it's going to take me 1 year to respond. In other words, nothing's gonna happen with your permit for at least another year. And that's when we thought, you know what? Let's just get out of here. This is irritating. We have a beautiful family. We're happy. We we have great things that we do for a living, and I don't want to have to deal with this person anymore. And that was it. We decided, okay, we're gonna sell the land, which we did. And instead, we built our dream home in Palm Springs. Not that we didn't have one before, but this was the, the dream dream home. Yeah. So for you know, you have a 27 year old chick with a 4 year degree who's making $37,000 a year chasing off high income, high tax paying. And, also, you know, having Suzanne Somers and Allen Hamill in in your in your in your neighborhood is a is a good thing. It's a selling point for for others who are you know, it's it's a general good, lots of money, and and also the revenue, you know, the revenue of paying all the tradespeople that have to come in and do all the work. And, you know, the thing that's always funny with the city is I what I wanna scream is I'm not asking you to build me a beach house. I'm asking you to let me pay for my own house on my own property. I I had Right. I had the same thing. And what happens is the relationship can become adversarial, which is a weird thing. And you go in there, and you find yourself, like, putting on a bow tie and fixing your hair and going, hi. Nice to see you. My name is Alan Hamill. Perhaps you've seen my alpha beta commercials from the seventies. Hey. Somebody's lost weight because even though she she has all the power over you, she's like that kid. Right. Right. She's like the kid from the twilight zone commercial who could, twilight zone show who could who could wish you out into the cornfield. I remember I had to pull a permit in Glendale several years ago for a warehouse that I bought to build a mezzanine area on it. And there was, like, a 23 year old woman behind the counter at PlanCheck, and I said, well, I bought this warehouse, and I wanna, build this mezzanine. And she said, what are you planning on doing with the warehouse? And I said, well, I think I'm gonna store some cars in there. And she said, they might let you do that. And I thought I Jesus. Oh, they might let me do what I want to do on the property that I purchased and I'm paying insane taxes on? That's what it's gotten down to. Some sort of weird adversarial you know the feeling. You walk in and you feel like you're walking into court and you're being accused of murder. And you're like, okay. I'm gonna get the judge happy. I'll make the bailiff happy. I don't wanna piss off the attorneys. Like, you walk in, you put your hat in your hand, and you go, oh, hi. If it's not too much trouble, could I give you a whole bunch of money, and then you could let me do stuff on my own property? Which is what it turns into, which is weird. Right? I know. I know. You know where I had no problem at all? We bought a bunch of land. We we we lived in, or we worked in Vegas for 10 years from 1980 to 1990, and we didn't wanna live in Vegas. We didn't wanna live in a hotel. So we bought a bunch of land 25 miles northwest of town in the middle of nowhere. We're the only property out there, and I hired a contractor. And he said, okay. When do you wanna be in? I said, Christmas. He said, Christmas? He said, that's well, that's three and a half months from now. I said, right. He said, this is a 6000 square foot authentic adobe. He said we have to order the v as in latias, you know, from New Mexico, and we have to find someone who understands Adobe plaster to bring them in. Is that with the trade? And I said, yeah. Okay. He said you'll never finish by Christmas. I said, okay. Tell every trade that I will be on-site every day at 3 o'clock, and I'll pay them in cash. We were in there by Christmas time. Oh, yeah. Okay. They kept they were coming out on weekends with their wives and their kids, and the kids were running crazy in the desert. The wives sat around, you know, smoking and drinking coffee, and the plumbers plumbed and the electricians did the electricity. And we got the place built the whammo, and that was it. It is And no pro no problem with permits or anything else. It was beautiful. So how long was your odyssey with the Coastal Commission and the permitting process? Years. Years. Yeah. I stopped going. It was years. It's just these people who have this power over you. And, you know, I I only wish that, they would hire people, in the planning department in Malibu who lived in Malibu. Mhmm. Because these people don't live in Malibu, and I think they were pissed off that they couldn't live in Malibu. I don't know what their problem was. They were just these angry young people. And I'm not just used to being around angry young people. And it was just this terrible mood. Sometimes we walked into the crummy little office with stuff all over the place, totally disorganized, and we made eye contact. I thought, oh, this is not gonna be good. And it wasn't. It it wasn't. She doesn't give a s**t. Well Really. It is there is an issue which is sort of global, which I've definitely experienced going through security at LAX, which is, uh-oh. Here comes Rich Whitey. Well, now it's payback time. And it's like, I'm just trying to get to Denver to do a show. That's all. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry for the past. I didn't abandon your family when you were 9. This has nothing to do with me, but I do happen to be 6 foot 2 and heterosexual and white, and I do have money. But you shouldn't take it out on me. And I think there's a lot of that. I think we're taking a lot of women who have a lot of issues with their dads, and we're putting them as gatekeepers in all these positions. And now it's payback time, except for we don't have a history. I just wanna rebuild my house or get to Denver Yeah. To do a show. It's a die it's a sociological dynamic which is going on as we speak, and no one wants to say anything about it because it always comes across as, you know, racist or sexist or, you know, I'd be a bum for being a white boy in the hood. Like So you understand. So, Alan, couple questions. Do you know what became of the house that was built on your property in this newest fire? I the answer is I don't know for sure. I heard that it had burned down. They built 1 we we had almost 200 feet of ocean thrust. And, you know, and as you know, most most beach houses in Malibu have, you know, between 35 and maybe 65 feet of oceanfront. And we wanted to build this little shack on, you know, on on this huge piece of of property we owned. And, you know, it just wasn't gonna happen. I I've run into this. You know, it it seems to be people who put on uniforms. Okay? Yes. Now I'm getting up getting away from the building thing, but, like, the TSA. We're going through TSA in Toronto, and the guy who's sitting there looking at the screen and looking at the bags going through the X-ray machine, and he gets someone else to sit in the chair, and he comes over to me. And he said, would you mind, if I Olin then he puts Suzanne's back back to go through the machine. We saw something. We have to look at it again, which was BS. And he said, would you mind if I would you take a picture of miss Summers and myself? I said, sure. Happy to do that. And I was so angry with this guy because we're running close to, missing the flight. Mhmm. And he purposely put her bag through so that he could come out and say, can I take the picture? So I said, sure. We can do that. So he gave me his camera. I took the picture, and then I turned off the camera, and I grabbed Suzanne's bag and off we went. And when he looked at the picture, it had no heads. That that was retributive justice. And the other the other thing was in Germany. We're going through TSA in Frankfurt. And, the guy goes through my bag, and he he pulls out a a bottle of wine called the president's wine, which we got from, prime minister Netanyahu on our visit in Israel. And he said, you can't take this wine. He said, only it's, you know, but you know the rules? I said, yeah. Yeah. I do. So I said, hand me the bottle. So he hands me the bottle. I take my finger. I push the cork down into the bottle, and I start chugging the wine. I love it. Okay. Now Suzanne is standing next to me giving me the I can't believe why is it always beautiful? There's no evidence. That's right. So I I chugged a lot half the wine, and I handed it back to the guy. And he starts screaming at some other guy, And the people who were waiting in line applauded me. Okay? I I wish we had had, you know, some video from that. It was wonderful. And, you know, because I knew they're gonna drink my wine for dinner. I just knew they're taking my yeah. Taking my wine away. You know, this stupid American has, you know, brought us a wonderful bottle of wine. Do you suspect they're going to fast track and streamline these rebuilds? Because, you know, if it's one person or a couple of people, they can kinda deal with it. But once they get Fran Drescher pissed off and she starts screaming into a microphone and there's a chorus of celebrities and high rollers that are attacking the mayor and the city council and the governor, they'll they'll crack instantaneously because they'll do whatever's politically expedient. So I'm assuming they're gonna crack, and they're gonna expedite this stuff. Right? They have to. They have to. I'm covering on the news. I'm covering on the news today that Gavin News filed issuing an executive order to streamline the rebuilding after the fires. Was your home right around the colonies? No. It was about a half a mile further into Malibu Road. It it was about halfway through Malibu Road. So closer to the pier or further out? No. It wasn't it wasn't close to the pier at all. Further out. It was more towards the Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was I mean, it was right, you know, like, in in very close to central Malibu. And so last couple questions, Alan. How's your doc? I know, Suzanne Summers is getting a doc as she should have 10 docs. How's that process going for you? Well, right now, you mean our documentary? Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. We're in the middle of it right now. I have, I have been memorializing every moment of our family since the sixties when I was, you know, shooting little 3 minute pieces of film, and then I went to videos and that was made available. So I have 100 and 100 of hours totally dedicated to the family from the time the kids were, like, 5, 6, 7. I mean, the kids now are in their late fifties and early sixties, which is pretty weird having kids in their sixties. Yeah. And so I'm I'm in charge of screening because I didn't want anything that was a little too personal to be available, you know, for the documentary. But the nuggets I'm finding are wonderful. And I sit there for hours, not every day, but most days looking at all of this. And I get very emotional with some of it, but it's wonderful. And what I'm gonna do, we're we're digitizing everything. Mhmm. And I'm gonna put it into some kind of digital box when it's all done, and only the immediate family will have access to it. And, it's gonna be available for generations of Hamils and Summers down the road. And I one of the reasons I started this was because I never met my grandparents. They were killed by Hitler, and I thought I would have loved to have heard heard them talk or laugh or watch them eat. I've got those post pictures that people used to take in the early 1900s. That's all I have. So, I thought I'm going to make sure that this family is memorialized going forward. And so that's basically that's basically what I'm doing. And it's it's a pleasurable task, and it's exhausting. When I finish at the end of the day and I I lay down to have a little rest well, it happened. I was supposed to go out for New Year's Eve, and I ate dinner at home at 5 o'clock, and it was too early to go to go out. I was gonna go to Stone Eagle, and it was too too early to to take off for New Year's Eve. So I started watching in the movie, and next thing I knew, I was awakened by what sounded like a war zone, guys yelling and and bullhorns and sirens screaming and bells going off and explosions, etcetera. And I thought, my god. What's going on? And it turned out that I had slept through New Year's, and it was my neighbors setting off their fireworks that was the war zone. Was Yeah. Last question, Alan. You're a, quite a ladies' man, a man of passion. And I know Suzanne said don't mope when I'm gone. I'd like you to get out there, have fun, date, be with somebody. Are you dating right now? Kind of. You know, the she said to me, don't I don't want you to mope around. I want you to live your life. And so, I only moped around for a year. And then I thought, okay. I I Suzanne would approve of this. Actually, Suzanne would have approved it. No moping around at all. And, so I I I didn't want to, I didn't wanna go out I didn't wanna go out in public with 1 woman. You know, I didn't wanna be Alan found a new a new woman in his life. So instead, I invited 2. And I've had I've had several dates with 2 women. And you know what? I really like it. There's there's something about having 2 women laugh at my stupid jokes. And, so I've I've I've I've kind of done that, and I'm I'm gonna segue into, into singles. And there are several women I've known for many, many years, many years. I mean, like, 30, 40 years, and, who are really good women. I really like them a lot. They're they need purposeful lives. And so I I I am gonna start dating, but, you know, there's no marriage in my future at all. And it's just going to be we're removing the guardrails, the cultural guardrails, the way you're supposed to behave. And I'm just I just I'm gonna free myself and just have fun for this the c**ktail hour of my life with however that long however long that is. So the answer is yeah. Yeah. The answer is yes. I crave companionship. I'd only live alone in my entire life for 2 weeks. Hated it. I was bored myself, and, so I really like companionship a lot. Will I ever live with somebody? Probably not. But I I am I am going to spend a lot of time with other people, not just women, probably mostly women. I love women. I get along better with women than I do with men. I've only had one night out with the boys. I hated it. You know? When I I I talked to some of my buddies, and they say, hey. How about them niners? And I go, what? What? What? What? What niners? Right. Niners. Yeah. So I can talk to women about their health, about bioidentical hormones and DHEA and predenalone and progesterone. And Well, listen. Great. Last time I saw Alan, we did go out alone, and we did have a couple martinis and a steak. And I hope Yeah. We can recreate that real soon. Okay. Me too. Maybe we'll come out to you in Palm Springs or when That'd be great. Malibu's extinguished. You can come out to us, but I hope to see you very soon, my friend. Yeah. Always great talking with you and even better seeing you. So we let's do that rather than just talking about it. Let's let's I'll take charge. Take charge. Get it on the calendar. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. Great, Al Ham. Thank you so much, my friend. Thank you. Alright. Yeah. That was Try to rebuild. Couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the especially the attitude. That's the part that you don't realize. You you you come in there, and it's sort of like it here's what it would feel like. It would feel like if somebody stole your cow. You bought a cow. You took care of a cow, and then they stole it. Right? Yep. And then somebody said to you, you've gotta go in there, bring your checkbook, and convince them to give you your cow back. And you went, well, that is my cow, and they stole my cow. And you went okay. The person went, look. Drop the attitude. Because if you go in with that attitude, you're never getting your cow back. Bring your checkbook and go be nice, and maybe they'll let you have your cow back. What's the solution here? Because all I hear is The solution is a huge fire or huge war. Yeah. Those are the two things that then that then course correct things. It's exactly what happened. Alright. We need to take a quick break. We'll do the news right after this. Rosetta Stone's setting 2,025 resolutions. How about learning a new language? It can enrich your life, help you think as well. Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app. It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn. I you know, doctor Drew's a little bit of a snob. He speaks French. His wife speaks French, but not as good as he, and it's not conversational. They're going to France, and he said he got Rosetta Stone for her, and it cleaned it up, man. It sounds so good now. 30 years, they've been around. Millions of users, 25 languages, Spanish, French, Italian, German, Japanese, Chinese, Arabic. It's all there. No English translations learn to speak, listen, and think in that language. Design for long term retention, plus the built in true accent feature gives feedback on your pronunciations. Learn anytime, anywhere, and do it on your schedule. It's Rosetta Stone. Right, Dawson? Start the new year off with a resolution you can reach. Today, Adam Carolla show listeners can take advantage of Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership, 50% off. Visit rosetastone.com/adam. That's 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com/adam today. SimpliSafe traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in, it's too late at that point. I mean, let's face it. They've already broken in. It's got the word broken right in it. I've been using these guys for a 1000000 years. So is everyone who works here. And, like I said, it's not hardwired, so you can pick it up. You know, if you're renting and you move to a new place, take the system with you. It's SimpliSafe. They have active guard outdoor protection. It changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. If someone's lurking around or acting suspicious, agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off your spotlights, and even call the police. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. It's around a buck a day for security and peace of mind. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to your family. It's SimpliSafe. Right, Dawson? You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring and your 1st month free at simplisafe.com/adam. Just head to simplisafe.com/adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this year. Keep your home, your family, and your peace of mind protected with SimpliSafe. There's no safe like SimpliSafe. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in-depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in-depth, I'm talking about deep that's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place, homes.com. Homes.com. We've done your homework. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, Pay never. It's time to check Adam's voice mail. Ace, man. Get it on. Finally did it. I've been threatening to do this for a while, but I go on work trips. And by the time you hit that 3rd or 4th day, your a*s is raw. I brought my own Charmin from home. Put it right on the roller, and, I'm gonna be living large this week. Anyway, get it on. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Yeah. I've never been I've you know, I grew up very low rent. Well, maybe we'll add Charmin to the whatever almost see through weird unquilted single ply bulls**t toilet paper they have. Yeah. But, yeah, sometimes you pull into a hotel or something, and it's it's bad times. Yeah. Yeah. Saving some money. Squeezing money with a single ply that you have to, like, roll over your hand 6 times? Should we say this? You shouldn't be able to sell toilet paper if I can take, like, a 20 watt bulb and put it behind it, and it shines right through it without slowing it down at all. Counting lumens now. We're lumens. Candle power. Yeah. Lumens and candle power. Like, some of the stuff you hold up, you can literally read through it. No problem in dim lighting. So you shouldn't be able to shine light through it. You're you're saying more regulations here in California? Regulations just when it has to do with toilet paper. Alright. What do you got? News. Before the break, you said that, you know, it's gonna take a fire in order to roll back some of these regulations. War or war? Yeah. Well, Gavin Newsom issues executive order to streamline rebuilding after the fires. It, suspends regulations under the California Environmental Quality Act to allow people to read you. Has anyone has anyone thought about this? We are gonna need tons of tradesmen. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Drywallers, tons of framers, foundation guys. Remar. Yeah. Welders. This it's gonna be a No. Well Because I think people are gonna build concrete structures now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when you build with steel, you bolt it together and you weld it. Yeah. So, but, anyway, we need tons of trades guys. Where are those guys gonna live? Right? Like, where are they living? We don't have enough housing for us now. Then you have all these people that are out of a house, and now you are gonna need an army of tradespeople. Like, they're gonna need barracks or something for these people because, you know, now it's like, hey. You know a good drywall guy? Yeah. But he's booked up, you know, for a few months. You won't be able to get him until March or so whatever it is. Imagine that times 20,000 structures. This is gonna be Winnebago's all down PCS. Yes. I mean, we're gonna need tons tons of trades, guys. And where they're coming from, Mexico mainly, but what where are they working oh my god. We're gonna need so many Mexicans. Yeah. There's only so many motel sixes. So the thing is is the people here who do masonry are 100% Hispanic. 100%. All the stucco guys, all the concrete guys, the forming guys, the finishing guys, all of these guys, it's all Hispanic. 100%. So we're gonna need, like, a stucco army coming in across the border, and we're gonna have to figure something out. Give them h one b visas. There you go. Yeah. Like, we do with the guys who come in seasonally and pick, you know, avocados or whatever it is. Like, we're they're gonna have to come in, and there's gonna be an army of these stuff. So guys interesting twist on the new administration because they're gonna have to accept, yeah. We do need some immigrants. And there is no drones or mechanized stucco. It's like mix it up, spread it out. It's the only stages, but 3 d printed, you know, but it's kinda The 3 the 3 d printing is interesting because I've looked into it a little. And with the 3 d printing is sort of actually, I don't know why, but I was thinking about this the other day. But when I took ceramics, we had this big thing that looked like a big handled orange juice maker. You know, industrial size where you put the high end, you pull the Yeah. You know, big and it was called the extruder. And the extruder, you put a lump of clay in it Yeah. And you pull the thing down, and it would a snake of clay would come out, and then you'd make a coil pot Yeah. Out of it. That's what the 3 d stuff does. It goes along and makes an inner and an outer out of, like, lightweight cement concrete. Cement is concrete. A concrete is cement with aggregate in it with rocks in it. You know? But it'd do, like, an inner and an outer, and it would just keep going on top, like toothpaste on top of toothpaste. It's going, just building up. The in the inner part would be hollow. It would stop, where, like, windows were going and stuff, or they would they would form it out or windows are going, then it would go above and and so on and so forth. But it's fast. But those also, everything is kind of radius with those things. They don't do sharp 90 degree angles. They just keep they just keep going in a circle and a semicircle and sort of serpentine. So it's kind of everything's got, like, a soft edge to it, which is cool and modern, but it's not also how Not everyone wants that. Yeah. That. So there's gonna be so much. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the Chinese word for, crisis and opportunity is the same. Oh. We're also going to need to, like, bust open some cement factories and stuff. Like, we're gonna need materials. Like, tons. It's gonna be like a countrywide effort to rebuild Malibu, Palisades, and Yeah. Wherever else goes. Mhmm. That should slide back into the trades. Maybe. Maybe. Starting yeah. The, Newsom also extended a 2024 tax return filing deadline until October by people for poor people impacted by the fires. Yeah. Also, in up there in this kinda news, LA millionaires shell out $2,000 an hour for private firefighters as the overwhelmed city abandons neighborhoods to the flames. Yeah. Listen. We got LAPD, and then there's private security. Like, I don't know. The cops are there. The cops are there to keep the citizens safe. But if you're a high net worth net worth individual and you don't feel that safe, then you pay somebody to make you feel safe. I don't know if the city's doing their job or not, but that's what you want. And, I feel the same way about this kind of stuff. Like, why not? Yeah. This is just capitalism. The city is piss poor doing stuff, whether it's you not getting your Rolex stolen out front of a restaurant or your house not burned down. I think we've figured out that they do a pretty s**tty job at their job, so you're gonna have to farm out others to do it. I don't know. What's the difference with this in private school? Half these people half these people 85% of these people's kids go to a private school because the LA Unified School District sucks. Well, I think the backlash is coming from the people see, what what's happening here, it seems like a igniting sort of a class warfare, and everyone views themselves as fighting against the government by saying, oh, you're getting special treatment because you you can, you know, you can afford to do what the government can't. And that's the challenge. People do that all the time. They go, why should you get whatever? Fill in the blank. When you have money, you have a safer life. Yeah. You drive a newer car. Yeah. The newer car is safer than the older car. You live in a safer neighborhood. You don't have to park on the street and up the street where you could get rolled or jumped and tickets and everything. Yes. It's an you eat healthier, cleaner food, so on and so forth. Yes. The list goes on and on and on. That's how it works. But that's how it's always worked. So f**k off. If you don't like the way it works, then you gotta figure out a way to make more money because the city's not gonna close that gap. Why what I think is happening is a lot of people because there's a lot of backlash where a millionaire real estate investor, Keith Wasserman, had a call for someone to connect them with private firefighters. I believe on x, he, like, went and asked for a private fire, and everyone really piled on him. And I I think what's happened is there's, like, a big divide between rich and poor now, and a lot of people are are pretty angry that their dreams haven't come true. You know what's you know what's weird? As a former poor person who grew up around poor people, we didn't have a lot of ire or thoughts about rich people. I assumed rich people worked harder, were smarter, more educated, and took care of business better than the Carollas did, and that's why they were rich. I don't think this ever comes from actual poor people. I think this is rich, whitey. This is basically the b***h who was complaining about my cars. This is not who you think it is. You know? They go, there's a lot of poor people who don't have you know? It's like, yeah. But they're not saying anything. Poor people sorta go to work. They don't really know about all this s**t. I mean, all the poor people I've ever employed or worked with or been on a job site with, they didn't talk about this. They just f**king worked, and they would talk about stuff like what they were gonna do this weekend. It's, like, inter it's Internet class people. People who have enough money to have a nice high y high speed Internet connection. It's it's a it's sort of it's a little Karen. It it is. It's a little also higher bracket stuff. Like, during COVID, all the people that were screaming at each other were all these sort of higher end people. The lower end people went to their f**king job at Chipotle and just worked at Trader Joe's alpha beta. I don't know if it's still there. Hope it's gone. I've never even seen one of those. Oh, so depressing. So I the poor people I know always just got up and went to work. They didn't sit around and argue on the Internet. I I don't think that these aren't poor people complaining. These are slightly less rich people complaining Yeah. About rich people. Yeah. Maybe you're right about that. Could be. But yeah. So Rick Caruso, former water commissioner, the outspoken critic of the fire response, took similar heat online after New York Times revealed that he had hired private muscle to protect his home with the flames. I mean, home from the flames. Yeah. Alright. Well, look. You want you want your home protected. The LA fire department's not cutting it, and you have a lot of money, but you don't have a lot of time. So what the f**k are you gonna do? Yeah. I mean, that's the way people work. That's also, by the way, that's why part of the reason why people want money is for these reasons. Yeah. But it I I don't know. It's like saying, oh, you got your, you got your TSA pre check thing, and now you you got CLEAR and you get to go to the front of the line. Yeah. Yeah. I signed up for it, and I paid for it. Yeah. Yeah. That's It's an option. What do you get to why you get to go in the 1st class lounge? Because I got a ticket that's $36100, and then I paid this much for this credit card, and now I get to go sit here. You don't get it? That's how it works. Way of the world. That's how it's always worked. Well, on the other end of this, okay, the other direction, an alleged looter dressed as a fireman was detained in the Pacific Palisades. There's 2 looters, who, were one of them was dressed like a firefighter with the boots and, everything, was, detained by Los Angeles County sheriff's deputy, at Pacific Coast Highway. It's unclear what time the suspects were stopped, but a local photographer here, you can see, spotted the pair on a scooter and a moped. Yeah. Yeah. Fire boots. He was wearing, you know, they're riding up PCH apparently and 2 crime prevent prevention unit deputies from, LA Sheriff Department Santa Clarita Station Yeah. Detained them. Yeah. Yeah. White guy, I guess. Yeah. Refreshing. I mean, he doesn't really he looks like he's cosplaying as a firefighter. Doesn't look legitimate. There is a weird thing. It's sort of like when the prostitute dresses up like a nurse. Yeah. You know that's not something she wears. You know what I mean? There is a there's a for me, you know, when I see it, you see it. If you have any kind of expertise, so when you see a movie and the guy plays an MMA guy, it just looks wrong. So did. It's just it's weird. It looks wrong. You know? For me, guys who are supposed to be on a construction site in sitcoms and stuff and movies and stuff, they're always wearing brand new boots and brand new bags. Like, their leather bags are stiff and shiny and never been worn before, and there's nothing in them. And I'm like, he's holding the wrong hammer for framing. He's got a little finish hammer with a smooth head on it. He's supposed to be framing. Yeah. You know? And I'd like it looks wrong. Yeah. It looks off. And these guys, cops and firemen, when they see the skinny dude coming in with the yellow jacket on, they probably go, that guy doesn't You know at first glance. Yeah. Exactly. He doesn't he's not wearing it right. Oh, yeah. This firefighter is riding a bird scooter. Right. That's probably not a real firefighter. Right. He's riding a wheelie on a bird. But this is maybe a nothing bird in the sky. Wearing sketches. They they they thought these guys might be looting Mhmm. But they handcuffed them, and someone said that later they let them go. So, yeah, no no, charges. Yeah. What's, I get looting. Okay. So here's the thing about looting. Walking out with a TV is kinda not gonna work. Right? Because it's like TVs my TV was a 13 inch black and white zenith. You could walk out with it. Walking out with anything under 8085 inches is there's no street value. I knew you. I had that same TV that I didn't realize. Once you said 13 inch black and white, we had that. You had that. You had my mom's TV. Yeah. So, I mean, now you're walking out with a giant TV set, very bustable. It's gotta be all it's gotta all be jewelry. Right? Right. That's the only thing I can imagine that these guys might have been after or anybody in that general, like, business, if you wanna call it that. You go through and sift through to see whatever is, you know, not molten. Can I tell you, while some people were paying initially for their own private firefighters? Now the next check has to be paying Koreans to get on the roof with a 30 aught 6 because Yeah. Yeah. Nobody deals with looters like Koreans. Yeah. I would just if if I was Rick Caruso, I'd just go down to Koreatown and go I'd go into every liquor store and go, you got a 19 year old son? Yeah. I do. Where is he? Bring him over. I'll give him $80 an hour. Come here. Bring your 30 at 6. Yeah. You put the Korean on the roof. Yep. By the way, one Korean on one residential roof Birds Nest. Yeah. Birds Nest, good for 14 houses. 270. Yeah. It's not it's not just your house. Yeah. I know. You're right. Everybody can pass the hat. The Koreans will handle the house he's on, 4 houses to the right, 4 houses to the left Yep. And 9 houses in front. You need 6 Koreans per acre, I think. 6 per acre. No. Actually, you only need 1.3 Koreans per acre. My mistake. My math is wrong. Because an acre is really just kind of a big double lot or half acres kind of a double lot. I've had a house on an acre of land. I had a house on a half acre of land. I only needed 1.3 Koreans per acre. So some of these houses have acreage. So you need one 0.3 Koreans per acre. And what I'm talking about is about rights. About 4 houses. The Korean sits on the roof of the middle house. Yep. Four houses to the right. I'm thinking that squat that they do, like, all butt to heels. Prone. Prone. Oh, position. Position. Okay. 4 to the left and then the 9 in front is is good enough. Can my Korean be a Taekwondo expert? He can have some skills, but he's not gonna need to use them because he's up there at the 30 aught 6. I just want him if he's overrun by a zombie horde of looters, I want him to be able to handle it. So They're never it's the one shot the one first off, they hear the bolt action. They hear that Oh, yes. They are the there's the one shot Yeah. Yeah. Overhead, then the bolt action. Get it. Yeah. And then everyone scatters. That's it. Because during the riots in LA, that whole Rodney King thing and the whole, 1991 or whenever it was April 24, 1992. Oh, really? 92. They went up those Koreans who own those liquor stores are like, hey, Schwartzes, you ain't burning our place down. We got a f**king roof. Those roofs have something called a parapet. It it's from medieval times Yes. But they still have parapets. Yes. And they're they're 3 foot of block, and they get right behind those parapets Right. And they they start shooting. They start shooting. And guess what? Lo and behold, magically, their liquor store doesn't burn down. So Rick Caruso, pay the firemen. Now we gotta pay the Koreans. You got a Korean on your roof. Nobody gets near your f**king house. There's no looting. There's no nothing. And, again, it's only, like, 3 Koreans per block. That was good. Really. It's not even that. Look. I got a bunch of family that would is hankering for this job right now if they could get a h one b visa from North Carolina. North Korean, I'm looking for. Not North Carolina. Oh, my okay. Listen. No offense. I'm sure you guys are fine. They're crap shots. I'm telling you. Yeah. But the miller's up there. They get bored. You're right. And next, you know, the guy reaches for the cooler. He's like, oh, just take 1 White Claw. Starting to get cold. Starts drinking a little bit. Next, you know, puts the gun down next to him on the chimney. The thing falls over because his phone rings. He reaches for the phone. It knocks the gun over. It slides down the roof. You start drinking harder. Next thing you know, you get s**t faced up there. They just start shooting willy nilly. I need you on what's called the ridge rafter. You understand? Yeah. Yeah. There's a ridge rafter. It's the one that runs along the ridge. The rafters go up. They tie into the ridge rafter. You sit on that ridge rafter. You got one leg on one side. You got the other leg on the other side. That ridge rafter goes right across your tank. You hear me? Yep. And you just sit there at that 30 at 6 Face blacked out, of course. Not staring at YouTube, not drinking White Claw, just sitting there. And no. No. Your face isn't no. No. Uh-oh. You want them to see. I want you to be very visible. Well, then then then you're going back to the Millers. We have a loud voice. We can be very visible. I will shoot you if you enter that house. Alright. I'll consider I'll consider anybody, but I'm starting with the Koreans and the guys that have good liquor store roof parapet shooting experience. Alright. Well That'll work. Look. You might wanna chip in on this fund. David Spade offers $5,000 reward to catch LA arsonist amid deadly fires. Keep your eyes peeled, he says. There's skies lighting fires out there. Make this s**t worse. They just caught somebody. We're pretty sure it was lighting fires, walking on the blowtorch, and let them go. So if you can find someone, lighten a fire, and you catch somebody, and you get the cops to bust them and throw them in jail, I'll give you $5,000. So keep your eyes peeled and, do what you can out there. Don't fake it, though. No staging. Let me know. I like how he, like, figured that out at the end of his Instagram video. Yeah. He'd, like, went, oh, wait a minute. Don't fake it. You know, in my neighborhood, there's a guy, the pictures of him with the fire starting device then said the arsonist is back, and it was a printout to our the whole building. Be on the lookout for this guy, bald head, white beard, ready to set something on fire. Serious outfit. Borrow one of my Koreans? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Because that put an end to the arson guy. Lickety f**king split. Absolutely. One shot into the dirt next to his foot, and then a go on git. But done with Korean accent? Git. The the my Korean not only takes care of looters, but takes care of arsonists as well. This guy is multifaceted. Mhmm. It's a nice sharp and if he's a taekwondo expert on top, I think that there's I know you're a hand to hand guy, but he's up on that roof. Oh, this guy's I've he's smoking hella cigarettes, I believe it. He smokes. He smokes, obviously. His thing. Yeah. That's fine. Don't have any problem with that. The house survived the fire. They'll survive a Koran smoking. But, yeah, that'll get rid of the arsonist as well. Yeah. David Spade's gonna kick, 5,000. Recently, homeless man was tackled and zip tied by onlookers, who he was suspected of start trying to start fires with a blowtorch. Yeah. And Woodland Hills. Yeah. I saw it too. It was wild that the whole community tackled this guy and zip tied him. Who had zip ties? Who's ready for this? That's a good point. Probably an electrician or a guy who does home theater. The number one user of zip ties are home theater guys. You're right. They bundle all those cords together. Stop. Yeah. Yeah. Zip ties you know, if you're doing home theater work Yeah. Then you gotta have zip ties. Those zip ties and clip it off so that it looks real sleek. Never pick up the clipped part. No. No? Never. Never did? Never pick up the clipped part. They never do. Yeah. They leave it back there. Just clip them and they walk away. Yeah. The the electricians are with zip tie clipping what a lot of smokers are with butts. Like, they just launch them, and they're like, alright. But that is gonna land on the ground, and then somebody's gotta clean it up at some point. All electricians Yeah. That every every sub I've ever worked with, they pull the wire out. They clip it. They strip it. They do a clip clip. They strip it. They put the put the plug in, put it in the wall. And then when you show up, you'll see the 2 little stripped pieces of wire and the 2 clips. They will never. And any zip tie. There's some weird thing because it's kinda weird, like, in life. You know what I mean? Like, if you let's just say let's put it to you this way. If you're having a drink, a a a beverage, you know, like a soda, and and and you get a straw. I'm looking at you, Joe. I don't know why. She got the straw, and the straw's got the little paper sack on the other side of it. You're just kinda walking down the street, and you, like, tear the thing up, and you pull it off, and you're putting in your drink. If the little paper sack thing fell onto the ground, you would stop and you would pick it up because you go, oh, I I don't wanna litter. I dropped this thing on the street. But cigarette butts and clippings and zip ties don't fall under that heading, which is weird because the clip on the zip is 7 inches of plastic that will survive the holocaust. Like, it's never gonna break down. It's not gonna rain. At least the paper, the next time it rains, it's just gonna, like, decompose and wash away. Now and cigarette butt's not going anywhere either. But for some reason, certain stuff counts as litter and certain stuff doesn't count as litter on on every job site. You know what you get? The job can be done. The last guys that come in are the electricians that are putting the plugs in, and they're clipping the wires, and they're stripping the wires, and then they got the little cellophane where the plate goes over the Yep. Goes over it, the plug. You will find by every single one, you'll find that little box, cardboard with cellophane in it. That's that's where the receptacle came in. And then the clipped wires and everything. It just they just leave it there. And there's something weird because all the other trades like, if you're the carpenter guy and you get your router out, you're mortising the hinges away, then when you're done, you, like, sweep it up, especially if it's finished. You know, it's like a almost done job like you're doing finish work. Something about those guys. I've I've done a little bit of construction work, and I feel like when you're doing construction, everybody's on a team except the electrician and the plumber. They come in. They're separate from you. Wolf. Wade. Yeah. They come to, like, some a*****e that's not me is gonna clean this up. Some kind of this crew will sweep this up. That's right. Yeah. You're the smokers of construction guys. They are the smokers of the construction guys, which is they're not part of the crew. They're subs. They come in. They charge a lot. They work one day, and they go, that guy at the broom, he can handle what I'm laying down, and they never do. Makes sense to me because, like, you kinda look at yourself as an I read the electrician book. It's a big thick book. Mhmm. So I feel like they're, like, feel like eggheads on the construction side. Kinda world I wanna live in? Electrician pulls the receptacle out of the box, throws the box on the ground, takes the clippers, strips the wire, wires it up, starts to walk away. Here's the bolt action of the 30 aught 6 in the per inch. Dawson's walking down the sidewalk, throws the butt. Here's the here's the bolt action, stops. Looks around quietly, picks the butt back up, puts his hand up gingerly, and just keeps walking. That's the world I wanna live in. I might keep my Korean full time. Rooftop Korean everywhere to overbounding a watch. Just overwatch everywhere you go. I had a pool guy who would skim the pool. And then when he was done skimming all the leaves out of the pool, instead of throwing the leaves into the green barrel Yeah. He'd dump them into the flower bed. Oh, I fired him because, eventually, he wouldn't stop. I'd find big wet piles of leaves in the flower. He'd skim them all of the pool, and then instead of walking 20 feet to the trash can, he just dump them in the flower bed. When he hears that bolt action, it's like he starts to dump it in, hears the bolt action, and he's like slowly starts to move toward the trash can, puts the hand up, hand goes up, starts walking toward the trash can. That And this Korean never talks. He's just looking over top. Gardner comes in there. He's cleaning up the dog s**t instead of throwing it in the receptacle. You see him just sort of throw it in the ivy. He hears the bolt action. It goes back. Everyone just puts their head down real slow, puts the hand up, starts walking into the ivy to get the f**king s**t out of the ivy. And that's eventually, they all get coached up. Do you know what I mean? Yes. I go out of town. I'm doing shows in Utah, then I'm off to Atlantic City. My girlfriend comes walking up with her new boyfriend. You know what I mean? Looking around. Adam's not around. Tell Sonny, here's the bolt. Guy just puts a hand up, just starts walking back to the car. You know what I mean? Unless she puts the hand up, slowly walks into the house. And you only need to employ him for a certain amount of time. Once once people know, then you could just have a Bolt action sound. Oh, that's right. That's right. Pavlov's dog. Pavlov's dog. Yeah. Or the there's the porch pirate who wants to grab what's on the porch. He hears the bolt action. Jehovah's Witness turns his bicycle up. You know? Uh-oh. Turns that bike. Put and all it's all hand is gonna go up, head goes down, and they just start they start leaving the property. That's all. I feel like Just hook it up to the Ring camera. Motion detected bolt action sound. Action sound. f**king everyone stops what they're doing. Hand goes up. They just start walking back to the street. Alright. I don't think we're gonna do any better than that. Solana Beach, belly up. Doing a couple of shows this Sunday. Jay Morris gonna be with me. 6:30 show, 9 PM show as well. Covina Laugh Factory with Paul Rodriguez, everybody. That is coming up January 22nd in Boca Raton, Florida at the Black Box Theatre, Jan 30th. Then the 31st Naples and 32nd Naples or First Naples I'm gonna go with. Yeah. I was on a roll, man. You gotta have krove.com for all the live shows. What do you got? Manuka, honey? No. I have samuelmanuka.com/mayhem, but thanks everyone for coming out to Jacksonville for the MVP event. God bless you guys. Thank you very much. The great Alan Hamill. We'll be talking to him soon in person, god willing. Till next time. Alan Hamill in mayhem saying Mahalo. You can leave us a voice mail at 888-634-1744, and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at adamCarolla dot com. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like higher learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to discussion. I'm heading over to substack, and there's an ad free audio and video version of The Adam Carolla Show that's gonna be waiting there. In the near future, you'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it, participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You'll also get an ad free version of the Adam Corral and doctor Drew show. You'll also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat It Out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is gonna be Jay Mohr. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of $9 a month, a pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe now at adamcarolla.com/substack, and I'll see all of you in our new Speakeasy called Substack. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier. And rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free. Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.
Comments