Blaire White - Episode #212

Transcript

We all look to get the most out of things like a sunny day while it lasts. In Ireland, it can be hard to get enough vitamin D from the Sun. But did you know that 90 percent of us also don't get enough vitamin D from the food we eat? The great news is even more supermarket is fortified with vitamin D, helping us to absorb calcium for healthy bones and supporting the immune system to a more super milk the most super. Our milk can be figures based on FCI 2023. Vitamin D study is vital. Welcome to the s**t show. Things are going to get weird. Get weird. It's your fave billion kilowatt hour and you're listening to barely famous. Wow. All right, f**kers. We're back with another episode of Barely f**king Famous. Jerry and Tom are the hosts of Doodads podcast, where they talk about being men and their experiences as husbands and fathers during a time where they describe masculinity is being vilified. Hi Jerry. Hi Tom. How are you going? Why am I swallowing to my father? Perfect. Awesome. OK, so before we get into anything, I want to talk about how I know you, Jerry, and how this came about, because otherwise people are going to be like, What the f**k is going on? Yeah, no doubt. So I was not a Teen Mom fan. Did you know what Teen Mom was? Yeah, I didn't know what it was. OK, that's not really my demographic. I mean, really what I would get? Fair enough. But but no, anyway, 10 years ago, probably. Yeah, at the gym that we both went to. You became a member. So I got to know you. Completely outside of your past, right? Yep. Yeah, it really just became you're my favorite CrossFit coach because I went in there at a time where I was like super vulnerable. I had just had a baby for you, Tom. You don't know I just had a baby. So I was just like, not in good shape. And my husband at the time was, he's an athlete. So it's just like, very, very humbling. So I went in there and you're my favorite because I didn't feel judged by you. And I feel like a lot of times when women have babies and they go to the gym, they they feel judged. It's really a weird time for them. They're trying to get their body back. And so I felt I always look forward to you coaching me, especially during my first, I guess, CrossFit Games, almost CrossFit. VIDEO Yeah, the open. And so I always appreciated like you coaching me because I felt like when you screaming at me, you were screaming with me instead of at me kind of thing. Yes. And so I really, I don't think I ever told you that. No, I appreciate that. Jerry, yeah, it's pretty, pretty humbling. But yeah, and for them from then just, you know, being friends over the years, obviously, we see each other a lot. Our kids go, our kids go to the same schools. I look at the North End kids. So yeah, they so together. My sixth grader goes, He's in first grade, OK, and I see you all the time. Yeah, but also it's kind of incestuous because I don't know if you know this, but his wife in Delaware is incestuous. I live in Pennsylvania. It's our sixth graders. It's no, it's it's two degrees. I say that all the time. So his wife is OK. There you go. So it's basically me. They're my my brother in law is my is my partner's first cousin. Yeah, I didn't know that until pretty recently. I would say within six months or something like that, someone mentioned it, you know? So you I had asked for a landscaper, which their uncle was already landscaping for me, but I was just shopping around. I wanted to get a second estimate, second quote for my new property. And he tagged Elijah's cousin. And I was like, Oh, he's I think you said my brother in law something. And I was like, Wait a minute, why not call my brother? Which is like, because essentially he's my cousin now. Mm hmm. So I'm like, What the f**k is this? What is this? And we had babies back-to-back, which was so crazy. But yeah, so super small world. No, no. Of course, in especially in so pretty, pretty soon we're going to be at family reunions together and s**t. You just had one had two back to back. All right. So I was like, What in the world were you there? No, I wouldn't go to, Oh, Sharon's OK. But yeah, yeah. But I also didn't know that your wife was sisters with Leslie. Yeah. You didn't know that. No, I knew she was a twin, but I don't know. Pam's not her twin, though. No, Pam is not. But I had no idea they were related. OK, gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. So here we are in Delaware. It's in session. I'm never in my life. Yeah, because Pennsylvania is not like that. Oh, it's it's so I mean, you can my project manager. She's been with me for a year. One, I think it's one of the first things she's learned. Like anywhere we go. I will know someone, anywhere we go in the state, I will have a life with them. It's so small you can't go anywhere now just knowing someone. Well, everyone knows Jerry. Yeah, whatever. How do y'all know each other? Yeah. Well, I guess originally we met. Mean, just like being a smart, I knew who Jerry was. We hadn't hung out together, but I started going across the short period. I did make a lot of relationships there. Yeah. Yeah. So and then and then right away, where the same, same interests, it was like an accelerated relationship. I was like, Oh, you're in the hunt and share cool. Let's do some stuff. And then really, when we were sitting in the duck blind or goose barn shooting ducks, it was a big deal. Yeah, we're out hunting together. Yeah, we're hunting together. And he was like me. I was told I'm going to get my real estate license. I'm going out on my own. I was with the home exterior company. I'm like, I'll quit and go on my own. That's when you were like, Do this and do stuff together. I talked him into. He told her not to talk to real estate. So you're next. But now, yeah. So from there, then we just started hanging out and and regular talking. But right away, I could tell Jerry was about it. Like whatever we talked about, he he could put some light on it, and he was very serious about the things. And that's why I approached him about the podcast. As I look, I ain't doing spin on it. I was like, I only know one person. I said, everybody's friend was like, Get me. Some cool listed memory is also like, I told you about a Friday and chasing you down. They just won't do Con, who's going to be for real? Yeah, I was like, That's Jerry. So the podcast was born. Podcast was born. Yeah, it was actually my wife's idea, she said. I have a lot of lives. I lot of crazy stories. And I was like, she kept saying she was like, You should, you should do a podcast and get that stuff out there. I was like, OK, do you know the the rumor that or what people say that mentioned have podcasts? Now I got to swallow this. I got to swallow this market. Really? Yeah, what's the what's what's the rumor? The T is nobody wants to hear from men. And that mentioned her podcast, who says that everyone who's everyone? Pretty much 99 percent of the internet? Well, guess what? f**k them, OK, we don't care. So you guys talk about masculinity? Yes, fatherhood and being hot and all the. Those types of things, so yeah, I think it's more like we don't even we don't even go into masculinity is just, you know, we've had like last weekend, for example, we had a conversation about strength, right? And what does that look like? How important is it to be strong as a dad? And most people's mind goes, All right, we're going to be physically strong. But then we went like, way deeper, like this emotional strength? Yeah, right? And this mental strength and and what and what that looks like, which I think we actually went the deepest into that. Yeah, we went, yeah, physical stuff wasn't the physical. That was the pa*s. That's what we talked about was like the physical was the pass was performance. You know, we're all royal rage, the 20 year olds and we're like, Yeah, performance do the best. How many reps can we do to now? It's like, you know, we spoke of like, I need the lift. Like when George said that the farmers carry was a mile long, I was like, Yeah, because that's deep enough to get your inner b***h out like so you can face. That's what I like if you could face your inner fears and your insecurities. That's what the lift is now. And especially for family wise, the strength is in holding it down for your wife, like learning more affirmation stuff like I to speak for me, learn more of that and not being physically fit to so I can chase my son around who's walls. And so, you know your your idea of strength then versus now. It's like, I just I just want to be a dad that can keep up with his kids. My my my kids are young. Oh, I don't want that status quo of like dad bod or, you know, being being out of shape. The other side of it being like the emotional strength when when you have your wife, it's in the picture that needs. She needs different things that I need, right? Right. And and what I have to learn, they're not built in there. There's no it's not built in. So we're learning as we go here. Yeah, yeah. So like so so I kind of circle back to the original thing. It's not always just about like we're just going to talk about masculinity, sometimes just talking about whatever other times it's, you know, I think the mission is to say, like, not masculinity isn't toxic, right? It's there doesn't have to be a toxic dude is just an a*****e. Yeah, you're just you're just choosing to say toxic, toxic masculinity, but that's just really you just dealing with addiction. And we have a certain pedigree that of men that we want to be, you know, and that is a tough male nurse, things that we say that, you know, we believe men should be doing. Hmm. And there's a thing that the wife should be doing or there are things that we try to act like. Each one is not good at or is good at, but we just want to do our part like we're pretty hardwired to. Like, I was thinking, You know what good example I was? I watched a couple clips on you today doing some research. What kind of clips where you want your sons to know it was. It was kind of heartbreaking. So I watched the one with with the dog, and I think that was it. Yeah. So and I'm sitting there watching you. I'm like, I'm like, Yeah, that's like, she's doing everything what a woman should be doing, right? That's what I'm thinking like. That's she's got that emotional part down. I'm thinking, if I was, if I was the man now that it's kind of like our job would be to say, Hey, this is what we go through with our dogs, we got to own up to the ownership of having them. You know, we're going to go in there, be tough men. We're going to get him through this. We're going to carry him in there. You know, we're not going to be. It's OK to cry. But like, we want to be tough for the dog, you know, like, you know, that's just kind of a part. We won't be as funny. We had a conversation about our guests two weeks ago, but he did just put his dog down and he was like, You know, first of all, f**k the dog for love. And you know, Oh, literally, oh my god, I'm man. Now I have to like, go through this with you, you know? And as for, we had a good conversation with him, too, because he has two daughters. So, you know, a whole other dynamic. But but now that's the big thing. It's like, we're going to take this. Our goal is really take this like this toxic piece away out of the equation. That's not so you guys aren't telling your son, Do you have a son? Yeah, I've got a son and a daughter. OK, so y'all both have a son? Yeah. I don't have any girls, but y'all are not telling your sons, you can't cry. You suck it up. Oh, I don't. Yeah, that's that's where that's where we talk on. Well, it's well, it's yeah, I mean part. I think it's case by case, right? Yeah. I grew up with a dad that didn't I didn't see him cry. I don't even know. I honestly, I can't think of any. I got a guy like, I got, yeah, one time I think I have him. That was when I was leaving the house. Yeah. And I got, you know, that's it. That's it. I think it's and I think it's important to teach. I think it's important to teach like what I feel. As for a male is it's your job to take care of the family. So if you're if you're a mess as a I mean, look, he doesn't have a lot of responsibility as a kid, but we're just taking stepping stones. But as a male now it's my job. I feel to take care of the family. So far, I'm a mess and I can't take care of everyone. So I think that's part of being tough is it's a hold that in. Let's take care of everybody first. Let's get everybody taken care of. And then all Friday, I'll go have some beers, my friends, we'll talk it all out there and then I cry later. So you don't feel like it dehumanizes. You know, I'll see you upset or frustrated or have emotion. That's what I was going like. I know Jerry's only he's almost six I. And he's seen me cry a thousand good thousand percent more times than my dad. And I don't hide that emotion for good, OK? I think it's a case by case thing, right to to like say, suck it up and I PR. I'm paraphrasing here, right? And I agree with that. So there's a case by case thing, right? Yeah, I know you're just being, you're just whining and you're looking for attention. We're going to keep it moving. OK? But there's a legitimate thing that even if it's not legitimate to me, if I see that it's legitimate to you at the moment, then that's a different. If it's like a teachable moment, like, then we'll then we'll nurture that. Yeah, right? Look, I'm not. I'm not perfect, right? No, I'll f**k up all the time as a parent and say, I think, Yeah, we all do right. And I had this conversation with a with a good buddy of ours, and we'll talk. And actually, a lot of this stuff comes out in the goofball and we're hunting. We go real deep into things and he's like, Dude, I don't know. I might be f**king my kids up. I don't know. But we will. That's like, That's so hard. You know, me could also do your killer parent like, you know, kind of go and jump jumping around here. But we're fortunate to have dudes in our lives that are like the men that we want to be right. And I think that's intentional for all of us. You're probably that way, too. You're intentional with who you're going to spend your time with, who you're going to share with, who you're going to open up with. Because I know if I come to town with something or some other buddies that I'm going to get better at it. And it's not going to be bulls**t. We're all trying to make each other better. So, yeah, but that's kind of a kind of a gist of it. But we don't we don't. We're not really pigeonholed into one thing. Yeah. So you guys aren't talking about like, men need to suck it up. No crying. You know, we're no physical things, OK? I mean, if you're talking about b***hy stuff and you know, I mean, not at all. What do you mean? I don't know. But you know, if you're if you're, oh my god. So I won't name any of my friends but who they are. But if you go in there and order coffee that has five, you know, letter or words to it, I won't say something, you know, I mean, better, you better. I mean, there's just a black. You know me? OK, yeah. Or like, like, Hey, man, don't come to me with a problem unless we've got a solution already. Mission oriented. My God. Yeah. My my point is the big thing is that you're just b***hing, just complaining. Well, yeah, I say we are. It's like my one, buddy, and I look at it like, we'll start like my one buddy and I. He will or I will start something like a play. He's like, Yeah, I got my own problems and no gay rights, you know, promoting talking about the growth and trying to make we all love to get the most out of things, like a sunny day while it lasts. In Ireland, it can be hard to get enough vitamin D from the Sun. But did you know that 90 percent of us also don't get enough vitamin D from the food we eat? The great news is even more supermarket is fortified with vitamin D, helping us to absorb calcium for healthy bones and supporting the immune system to avoid more super milk. The most super our milk can be figures based on FCI 2023 vitamin D study. OK. So I when I first met up with you and you were telling me about what you guys talked about, I was nervous. Mm hmm. If this is going to put you guys into some like gender roles, sexist type of category, I'm not trying to go that service. We're not those guys. I think in 2023, we need to promote men being, you know, where we all can do the same things, right, like women and men in the household can do the same things. Divide and conquer. Yes. But men also promoting, you know, validating feelings just like the mom does. It's like, you can't just be the mom and the mom taking on the mental load. So that's part of being strong as a dad. Yeah, right. Mm hmm. Have you experienced any backlash with the stuff that you guys talk about yet? Hell no. Dwayne Biggs So yeah, we're we're. But we I think because we don't we're not. We're not talking about anything. We're not we're not talking too much about. Yeah, yeah. And we'll stay away from, you know, controversial topics. Yeah. But yeah, we don't go into those things. Like I said, that will pigeonhole us into like being negative. That's not war, but we're very positive. People like you talk about like, you know, we're not assigning gender roles in the household and like, you know, I do. Some people do. I do the dishes or Pam, does I do all the cooking. I do all of the all cooking, all the shopping, and I'm great with it. I love it. I hate laundry. She does laundry and that's awesome. And we're just sitting in our house and I'm I'm only a surface cleaner. So yeah, you know, she she's she's got the kids at nighttime. The majority of time I take the kids in the morning because she's she's got to go to work. I'm like, Yeah, I have to be home, right? And usually my nights a little more hectic to her. So it's so that's just our routine. So it is not like, well, your woman's, you do this. Yeah, it's not it. That's not gender oriented. I but I also think that doing masculine things more traditional masculine things should be more embraced by men. I don't a soft man doesn't nothing for a family. I do. If you're you can't run away from a fire, right? If you being a man? I don't. I don't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't want you to to see a problem and run away from it. All those guys that's filming who are people are filming the proms. You know, me like, Oh, just like those men, me proud of me. When I say, you're right, you're running away from the fire, right? So that's the big thing that doesn't have just. Because you're not a you're not a soft man or you're more masculine man, that's not a bad thing in terms of like roles and things like that, I have noticed and I brought this up to you when we met at Starbucks a couple of weeks ago, and I'll enlighten you. I have multiple sons. I have no daughters, right? And I have noticed I told Jerry that based on who their dads are because I have three baby dads, they are very different people. Right. And so I'm noticing that, I mean, we're in 2023. Everyone should be able to do everything right. As far as mowing the lawn and changing the oil, doing all of those things, none of their dads do those things right. And so I have to then pick up the pieces because I wasn't taught those things or Elijah has to do it as their stepdad. You know, they don't know how to do any of the basic and simple life skills. And that's a problem. And when you say soft, that's what I'm thinking. Yeah, they can't function. They're not can be able to function as a productive member of society, right? Without doing these basic life things right. And it's bigger than that because we have daughters, so you have to teach them as well. You were. You definitely have to, because they're men probably won't do it that your daughters get, you know, into a relationship. You don't know if they're their boyfriends or their husbands. And that's the fear. That's my fear that I want this off. I won't be able to. I just and and I want my daughter to recognize also like, Hey, this guy can really protect me. You can take care of me. He can provide right us, and I want my son to be raised again. Like, if you're if you're a woman has a flat tire like you better get there and f**king change it. That's my standard, right? Also, making sure your daughters can do it now, too, because because it also keeps her safe, she can handle her own stuff. And what? Yeah, I think having the the the son and a daughter, it makes you look at both ways, right? Because you're right. I don't want my daughter to depend on a man, right? I don't want that right. But I also don't want her to be or somebody is not going to protect her, right? So there's the razor blade you're balancing on of, like, all right, I got to give her all this information. You know, I have to make sure she knows all these things, my son, the same exact way. Right? You're going to be you're going to be a protector and a provider someday, hopefully. How are you going to? What are you going to give? Right, which you're all going to be? And if you're driving down the road in the middle of the night and you have a tablet, are you going to be able to change it? So like, my dad taught me that stuff and I want to make sure he knows that too. Right, right. Because also, whoever you're taking care of, you better take care. You're taking care of someone else's daughter. You know what I mean? So there's there's both ways to look at it. I don't know. I certainly don't want my daughter to be some little submissive, you know, old school housewife. I'm not saying that at all. I just worry about, I mean, my son, he's 13. He's about to be 14. He's my oldest. I had a. To take the boys out to go, change the oil. I know how to change oil because I eventually was taught, you know, I didn't have a choice, but my oldest son got an attitude and was like, Why do I have to do this? I can pay someone to do it. I was like, but how do you know you're not going to have you don't know they're going to have the money? That's that's a teachable moment. If I take my truck to Valvoline, it costs me one hundred and twenty four full symphony. What if you don't have that? I'd go into a half an hour speech about that one song that happened. I'm like, OK? Or like, What if you just don't you? You're in a position where you have to change your oil like, yeah, that's what I say and this point in my life, I pity all change, too. But knowing how to do it, that's the basic skill. My role is how to do it first and then pay someone to do it if you have the money. It's not. It's not the oil. You know, it's not oil is just learn how to take care of your stuff. Yeah, right. You have a better appreciation. Well, also he so he's seeing Elijah change the oil and helping allies to change the oil, the kids. Mm hmm. He's also seeing them. They are also seeing him cook because he cooks just like y'all do. He cleans just like you all do. But my kids from their own fathers have never seen any of them mow the lawn, really. And they're 13, 10 and six. Who's who's cutting the grass? I hire someone I always run. Yeah, yeah. They've never seen who's cutting the grass at their house. I mean, they hire someone who doesn't work out there and cut the gra*s. I don't. I don't cut the gra*s. But by telling them the principles that I feel like so many kids and it goes across the board, I don't think it's just men. I don't think it's just boys. It's across the board. It's like we're lacking basic skills because we like the convenience of someone else doing it. And yeah, that's a problem for now. It's good for us, right? Because we're paying for the convenience. We don't do it ourselves, but for our kids, they have no f**king clue. Yeah, they don't. And they're not going to have a clue when they get older. And who knows? Who knows if they'll have the funds to pay it with inflation, you know? Yeah, no. There's a lot of unknowns. That's why you can always default on teaching, taking the teachable moments, teaching them to do some stuff of color, learn a trade. I remember I was 16 years old. I had a at a 1986 Ford F-150 pickup truck. Come out this vehicle and the radiator blew in it, and I called my dad up, told him what happened. Hey, something's going on. He's like, OK, it's radiator. And he goes, and I knew nothing about engines at this point. My first vehicle, I've been had a license for like six months. And he said, I will buy the part for you, if you put it, you take it apart and put it together. Oh s**t. And he goes, he goes, I'm on my way home from work. He worked in Wilmington. We lived in Odessa, is on my way home from work. I'll stop and get it. He said, Have it up by the time I get home. I'm sorry. I have on the radiator, the radiator. So so I pop the hood. And I remember I remember sitting on top of the truck, my feet down in the engine bay and it just going like, Ah, that bolt has to come out, and I just figured it out. And he got home and the whole radiator was out sitting in the driveway and he come to me what he, you know, his word was, I'll buy it. You're going to put it in your truck. I'm gonna help you, but that's your truck. He's saying, I'm going to help you. I'm going to give you the help. You need most jobs to succeed and we're gonna learn how to sell. And that's what we did. We sat in the driveway, me, my dad, and showed me how to put this thing back together. But what do we do for the kids that don't have dads? They don't have any, you know, their moms are not, you know, you don't have that masculine element and they don't have doubts, then. Well, you know, so we have a mutual friend that's actually in this very same not not a predicament, but I mean, it's a situation. Yeah. And she is fortunate to have herself surrounded by a lot of, you know, good community leaders, good men and and good men pick up the torch and these men step up and help out, and that this almost is funny. So it's almost exact scenario. A truck broke down, her son's truck broke down call. So and so he. All right, I'll be right. There he goes and helps the boy out. And because and that's that's because they had dudes, you know, dads were dudes. That's where I'm talking. That's to get taught. And that's same thing. So like, we're not just going to help my kid, I'll help your kids sue your kid ever needs anything. You call me up. If I can offer something, I'm going to come help them, right? Because that's to be an issue now if we ever do. You know, it's funny you said that because most public guess and Wah-Wah, I was I was thinking about if we ever got big enough, we could have like a non-profit that would be hosting like a mission statement like that would be so cool for the kids. I don't have it because we love the outdoors and workshop and hopefully down the road. We would we would get our kids and get to go out and do more outdoor stuff while we do a podcast. Okay? And I just thought, Man, if you had kids that didn't have dads like, it would be awesome to like, raise money and bring them out, you know, or even dads, you know, that are there, but they're like, so blue collar. They got an extra two grand because going on, sometimes going out the woods ain't cheap. So or changing tires, changing oil. Don't tell my kids how to pump gas. Yeah, I was. I was like, This is what you do when I pull up to the gas station, I don't put my own gas, so I don't know what kind of backlash. I'm right. When you go to Jersey, you're like, What's wrong with you? You can't play. I don't pump my own gas. My kids are not even my six year old said, Yeah, let's see. But I don't think there's nothing wrong with having your son because it's not about them being boys or girls, because if they were girls, I would have to do it too. Yes, but but it's also nice that your boys are doing it for their mom. I didn't know how to pump gas until I was 17 and because I didn't have a choice, I did. I remember pumping gas as a kid just because I wanted to let me do, oh yeah, especially around here, pump gas. Sure, we've drawn a dirt bikes and go karts and golf carts all over the road. Like back then it didn't matter. Yeah, no idea. I mean, when I got my license, I was 17, not even 16. I don't even. Whatever that specific situation was, but I remember going to a gas station and just not knowing what to do. Nobody taught me that. You know what I mean? You know, it's great, you said, because I bet probably two years ago, a woman had come over on the other side of my pump and she knew how to do a credit card like use a card on there and she was up because she was from Jersey. Oh, because they do it for her. Yeah, I was like, I was like, You never want to be in that situation. So that's scary, because what if you were like nowhere near me? Like, there's places like you're on West Virginia, like, it's like just the like or just at the phone. Well, you're maybe somewhat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. I get my head around that either. Hey, why would you be stuck? I mean, look, how would you be stuck in that situation as a human? You got to be like, Come on. Yeah, yeah. But a house chair is crooked. Not just it's not just boys. It's girls, too. You're now. You're at your home state, right? Yeah, I'm gonna teach my girl everything she's going to do. I want her to be more manly than the guys I want. I want the guys to be intimidated of my daughter like she's going with that. Nobody one on there because she'll know all too. Like, first of all, if you met my dad, right? Yeah. Yeah, no, that definitely is big time goals. Have that had that? Oh my teacher. Everything about boys and I, I defer to boys and sons more. I don't mean to, but it's really just because, like, I don't pretend like I know what it's like to be a mom, you know? I mean, it's not. That's not my my place. I mean, I have a mom, my wife is a mom, and I see that. But that's I don't focus on being a better mom. I focus on being a better dad. Yeah, I really believe that women are strong. So it's like it's even a thing to worry about. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, my mom, she worked. Do she? She was, she worked super hard for us, and she always she was a lady and do she left in every storm? She never took off like she. She showed me work ethic early. She come home, cook a meal like that was that was nice. And then when I lifeguard and Dewey, then I learned how strong a women really are when we did the workouts. What do I mean for? For the most part, the women kicked all the men's butts in all the workouts. You learn that very quick on a women on a different level. Mentally, I mean, what? Girls screaming at me in a push up pyramid like, come on, you bring this all down. Like how she's still going? Does she get up, run, go slow and like, this is crazy. When I did that, last year did at 52 Mile Rock from Dover to Dewey. The group I was with was the majority female and they kicked the majority of the guys asses. I mean, just what do you think the differences were like? What do you feel like was the reason why it's mentally strong? I think women are mentally tougher. Yeah, I really do. I think women have a higher pain? Yeah, for sure. And that because that's a rock like that, that's what it is. Just how much pain can withstand. It's not really physically hard. You're just in pain. Can you can you withstand this pain for this long? Angie, is your home for everything home, and they've made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. If you own a home, you know how much work can take, whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs, or if you're making dream projects a reality. It can be hard to just know where to start. But now all you need to do is energy that and find a skilled, local professional who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or in the Angie app. Answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means that you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today. Or is it Angie dot com? That's a MGI dot com. Two sisters, one a respected TV producer, the other was disabled, nearly blind and deaf. Jill and Wendy Blackstone live together, rescue dogs together. Jill was her best friend, her sister, her everything but the sister bond was broken the day Wendy and three rescue dogs were found dead in a garage next to a toppled over barbecue grill. Jill said accidental carbon monoxide poisoning killed her sister in the dogs. Detectives don't believe her. Police arrested Jill Blackstone for the murder of her sister. Investigators think it was staged to look like an accident. So what happened? A source has come forward with evidence never made public before revealing the dark story of why Wendy Blackstone really died. Joe was a good producer. There's no doubt about that. But would she produce murder? Is the question. Season two of Bad Bad Thing The Blackstone Sisters available October 4th. Wherever you get your podcasts. I did right after my third son was born. One of the crystal teas like we're going to go to Disney to do the half marathon. I was like three months postpartum. I had absolutely no training between the time I gave birth and the time I had him in August. It's probably like four months we left in the beginning of February. I was going to finish that f**king race. I didn't care if I walked. Yeah, exactly. And you know, my friend Bowen. She quit my one. She's my one. She's tough stance, chase chasing going on. And it was just it was a lot that's excusable. Yeah, it is, in my opinion. So it was surprising Lindsey had taken off, yeah, banquet at mile one. But I was like, I'm going to finish. I don't care if I'm crawling. Yeah, but I'm going to finish it. And it's worse for my mouth. It's worse to quit. It's way worse feeling the quit than it is to suffer to get finished. Yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure. But I bet as soon as she quit, she was like, Damn right, I massage your fingers and she was waiting for me. She's like, I thought you quit after I did. I said, No b***h like I was when I locked in. I was more motivational matter. s**t is no joke. So now I'm like, OK, well, next year I might. I don't know what the f**k this 5:2 thing is doing Green Beret projects, but I don't want to lose toenails because I've lost so many over the years and they forever to grow back might not happen. I mean, might happen. Might not. I don't want to. And lost 10, right? I know another buddy of mine did it this year. I couldn't go this year. Actually, I didn't want to. I said one done. That's what I mean. Sometimes that's all you need. Yeah, just to say I proved it to myself. A guy raised much money. It was great. He got like barely a blister. And, you know, I mean, just, I think preparation, I think good quality shoes. I think like I changed my shoes every stop, every like 10 miles. Yeah. To pair, you went back and forth with two pairs of shoes I like versus hell, but it's on on your own type of deal. Like, yeah, you better walk with a group like we, our group stay together like our little six people, we stuck together. Oh, how did your kids feel about it? Did they know you were doing it? Yeah. How did they react? See, I feel like my kids are different because they grew up with me doing well. You always. But yeah, I've always known this like crazy s**t, physical things. And to them, I think we just our dads doing the talking normal fitness dads doing that dance, doing dad. I mean, he's he's just going to get maybe someday, you know, we could have a conversation later when they get older and be like, Damn, that's pretty, pretty cool feet. But I honestly think that Charlotte thinks, you know, squatting 400 pounds is normal and rocking fifty two miles is a normal thing. So 400 pounds, like sometimes saying I was out here, she's probably 225. Sometimes she's got something she's going to realize like, Oh s**t, not every man can do that. That's pretty. That's scary. I'm scared for her to date because she's going to come here every single person to eat. We had a dad one time her daughter went on her first date and he called about eight of us and we all went over there and interrogated that he was a it was a really nice guy, but he did call us all up. He's like almshouse with dogs on our first date. I was like, He he's like, The boys are whales. All right. The fun we were, we weren't mean. We were. We were on and we were like, You know, I mean, you know, we talked about that you don't want to have. I'm not going to be. The dad has the gun sitting on the table. Yeah, no, I don't want it. You want to learn who that guy is in your house. You want to embrace him because I want him to know, damn, he cares about his nothing. But how he cares what dads are to their daughters is how mothers are for their sons. So if my son ever was with someone that their dad and their daughter has like a gun lying on the table, I'm coming in guns blazing too. Like, Yeah, you also don't want to do that. It's weird to have a gun is a cool thing. Yeah, I like the best. The best way to have a boy treat your daughter well is for the dad to show the boy a lot of respect. Yeah, because I know, I know if I can think back to my teenage years, right? If I see how cool that dad is or how much he cares about me and his daughter, I'm your mother. How I'm not going to be less likely to do some stuff. I'm less likely to to to hide things right because I'm going to have a level of respect for him, and that's going to make me treat his daughter better. Plus, the training, the training is already in place, but before she goes on her date, you've already trained her up or she's seen you as a man. Expect what she wants, what she deserves. Yeah. But in terms of, OK, that's a unique perspective. Do you see what I'm going to say? What I'm saying? Yeah, I because you bring your enemy, you bring the enemy and close by embracing like, you know, and keep the enemies close here. I had another, I had another, you know, older dad or a dad. That was he was a father way before me. He told me that and my dad that makes a lot more sense. If I had lot of respect for you that I'm going to be, I'm going to be a pretty good do to your daughter because it's always going to be in the back of my mind, right? Because there wasn't a sport that way for mothers. And I know maybe if you change the game because I'm just thinking, I think it's like monsters and monsters in law. Have you ever heard of like them? So we talk about it on Baby Mom. No drama like the mother in laws of our kids are always a nightmare that. Instead, if someone treated me with respect, that's not going to make their son treat me any different. Does that make sense? Does that mean like if I'm respecting, for example, Elijah's mom and she's respecting me, that doesn't change anything. You know the way that you're describing it to for a boy and a man, I feel like it makes all the world of a difference. Yeah, but I think you got me going on different creatures. Yeah, you're the same. You can't attack at the same because there were different. Yeah, there's there's different. There's different hormones. Yeah, yeah. You know, we got a whole different engine running when you're starting with the other woman and also you have a different level of protection to your kids and a father does. Yeah, OK. It's not. It's it's equal, but it's not the same. Does that make sense? But it always, always tends to be the mother of sons. And I know they're not the mother of daughters. You know, I know why. I don't know. I don't know, either. I can't explain it. I don't know the science behind it. But there's definitely so you never had an issue with like your mom and your wife. No man, did you. I was going to say that like, I'm really fortunate. Really fortunate. My mother in law is amazing. I hear people complain about their mother novels and all this. Yeah, yeah. I would say the normal thing I always hear from other people is over controlling mother in law. You know, and this has to involve the Hey, look, we love you being in the family, but you got to back it up a little bit. Yeah, I mean, yeah, especially when it comes like people like getting ready to marry. Like, I got I got one friend that's getting married with the mother in law's doing the whole wedding, and no one asked her. I mean, she's taking over the whole thing. And I'm also like the ship or something. I mean, Major Beck, you know, I'm I hit the lottery there for sure with my not it's not like intentional. My mom lives a lot farther away than his mom. So got it. OK, so we don't see her as much, right? But there's no yeah, we don't have another. Thank goodness. I feel like I'm very I'm very bad at hiding how I feel. Yeah. Everyone knows I'm not talking, so I don't think Tom walks of life. I just. No, I don't. Yeah, I'm just get it. A lot of times it was like we said before, I will do small talk. I don't know what to say. That's so crazy. But I want my kid. I want my kids to look up my boys specifically why I don't have any daughters, but to say, mom did that stuff that the guys did that dads do and moms do. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's how we live, right? You talk about the different roles in the house. Mm hmm. Know our kids don't know your kids. My kids don't know. You know that women traditionally make dinner or clean? Well, they don't know that, thank God. But we know that's not a thing. We know that. I mean, eventually. But now that next generation is not going to be a thing because they don't know that. Yeah, most of my buddies, my mom and dad joke about that because, you know, she comes because we were invited to parties and stuff. And she's like, None of you guys, none of your women cooks. So weird, you know, like, like, I know it's different now. You know what? Yeah, it's weird. Like older generation thing. So my pointing out to me is we had a party of our house and pain was sitting down on a chair, and I just walked up behind her and I just, I don't know, like put my hand on her shoulder and whatever. Just I want to say, like, love to me, it's normal. And an older lady was like, Oh my gosh, and that's so sweet. After all these years, you still like, touch your wife or something like, I'm like. And you're like, Isn't this what we're supposed to be doing? You know, no more war to, you know, cold guys coming back the most sons. I can't keep my hands off. Yeah, touching me. No, I'm just kidding. Oh, but now it's like if you think about the generation gap, like, so did her husband. Just like after the honeymoon phase is over, they just like, stop touching your wife. Really? Yeah, that's what she said. She said. An awkward thing where you're like, Oh, you're so like, Oh, I love seeing that. It's so nice that you still. And like all I did was kind of go up and like rubber back and like, lean in. I mean, my grandparents were married fifty something years, and I don't think I've ever seen them. I mean, they're dead now, but I never saw them touch. No, never, I mean. And very much gender roles like my grandfather was the manly man. My grandmother was like the homemaker. I don't think I ever saw my grandfather like that. They sleep in separate beds, too. No, no. But like, but I still remember them as like they were very much in love, which is so weird. Yeah. Like, I had an old school, just, you know, like like, I knew they had a lot of etiquette. You know what I mean? How they yeah, must be, I guess. I don't know. I like, I like seeing that, you know? Yeah, it doesn't bother me. You know, when you go to a wedding and they do the the dance where the the all the couples get on and then you've been married for 10 years. Get off. You remember 20 years. I remember you ever saying that? No. And then it's not, by the way, by the end, it's like there's two couples on the dance floor that have been married for 50 years. And, you know, so they're 70 plus years old. And that's always a pretty cool thing. I like seeing that. The automaker? Yeah. You know, going back to you do bring up a good point because we always we always talk as if there is another male in the house. But like you bring up, we should touch more on that. There is a male in the house. So for single moms, there's obviously single moms who say moms without former partners or partners. Whether we should, we should focus on that. So I'm like, Yeah, how? Because you got to pick up both roles, you got to pick up all the roles you have to teach them about relationships. So so do you pick people's ears? Like how do you how did you like go about doing what you say? I need to like call them a strong do you say I need a strong male and kind of figure this out? You know, you just say, I'm going to do this on my own. I just do it by myself. Yes. I mean, yeah, there are some things and I've recognized this. I haven't always wanted to admit it, but there are things that, you know, whether it's daughter or son, they just need it from the other parent. And you as a single parent, whether you're single dad or single mom, you just can't do it. I know that's how I felt about dog video when I was just like, Man, he just needs an especially if they're both in there and like, there have been problems. I just can't get out of my damn. I wish I could be there for him. You mean, like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's hard all the time. Oh dear, it's going to be extremely hard. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how single parents do it. I think it's even harder when you have split parents right now and they're both present. One is lacking in major, major ways because then you have they're there, but they're used to. I've seen worse than not having one because you know what I mean? Because that's essentially what I grew up. That's how I grew up. My mom was a single mom. Men in and out. So like, they weren't doing anything for me. They didn't provide me with anything. My mom, it was just kind of. Can I just tell you how annoyed I was last night when Corey promised me for a week for dinner and I wasn't ready to eat at the same time, he was ready to eat. So he made dinner for himself. I texted him for, he's like, I just ate the last of them. What? I've been so upset, but that's so funny that you brought this up, because last night you told me you were having pierogies and I was like, Oh, how I want them and I want to fry them with like onions and bacon in the whole nine. And I didn't have any. Yes. So you know what I did. I DoorDash myself for obese. Yeah, because you can DoorDash grocery deliveries now. So it was literally perfect. I DoorDash basically everything. And judging by your bank account, you also do till you already know every charge to work to. I just actually, I know it's not the groceries, but I DoorDash eat my lunch today in the office and I also DoorDash. So I love that for us. Yeah, it's the most convenient service ever. So honestly, you just get exactly what you ordered. Or they make it right, which I like. So basically just get to sit back and enjoy quality groceries just like you went and pick them out yourself. Except they saved you all the time and aggravation of doing that. You don't want to take all my kids to the store, you know what I mean? So you guys can get 50 percent off your first DoorDash order up to a $20 value when you use code of famous at checkout. Limited time offer terms apply. That's 50 percent off up to a $20 no minimum subtotal and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code famous. Don't forget that's code famous for 50 percent off your first order with DoorDash. Eminem has a song where he talks about not being a good husband, but he's a good father. And then separately, which was kind of aligned with that with that song, I'm a huge Eminem fan, so that's how I relate to the two. But in the video, she talks about How can you be a good dad if you're not nurturing your wife's feelings and you're not a good husband, how can you be a good father? Because if you're always stressing out your wife or you know your partner, yeah, how can they be a proper caregiver for you, the household and your children? Do you feel that you guys are fulfilling those roles as husbands and fathers right now? Learning, learning to learning to associate? Because we want to know and always see it in our parents? No, it's a different generation. And plus the time that we're at in our relationship, my kids are young. You mean she just got off of the second breastfeeding or kids? Ali just turned one. So we've, you know, we have been going through the young stages and so she gets the most. I mean, the kids need her the most. Right? There's so many times I feel helpless. I'm like, they're like crying for her. I'm like, if they were cry for me, I take it just, you know, she's like, I've been, don't shoot. All these motherf**kers won't leave me alone. I'm like, I know. I don't know. So, but yeah. Yeah, no. And so, yeah, we just learned, man. So we're getting on that stage. It's getting a little bit better so that we can spend a little more time focusing on us. And not the kids are getting more. So you can fulfill that. That's I've learned. That's what's important. I learned that's what I mean. I've read that, especially if she's just coming off the breastfeeding thing, like just fulfilling whatever she needs outside of being a mom. Yeah, I because I learned I was learning the hard way when I when I went, when I started my businesses and I was, I was grinding very hard and I was working every single day and I'd come home. I spent a lot of time on the phone trying to answer estimates, trying to be the first one on something to hurry up an answer, get a lead. I was doing and I was doing us all for the family, right? And that went on for probably three years. I'm going very hard in and I thought, that's what a family, as a male, I should have been doing right? I didn't notice she's a b***h. I need some information some time over here, like I'm like, So now we're all recruiting that money. And so sometimes it's not easy, I think, for men to pick it up that fast, right? So we're not hyper focused, right? Yeah. Yeah, she says that like she's like, You're parenting. Yeah. Well, your hunt. You're hunting for like your family, right? Yeah, I'm out. I'm not getting jobs, not doing the things. I feel like payment. I have always at least been very intentional about like date nights and how you've always been that way. Yeah. Did you see your parents do that? No. Well, a little bit. Ah, yeah. So a little. I was say a little bit, but I've watched. I've been observing my whole lives. I watch other older couples like looked up to yeah, and like you've seen like, well, I can kind of see the problem, right? And my I had a friend of mine give me some of the best advice ever before I got married and he just. And it's something everybody's always heard. He was just like, never. It wasn't never stop dating her. It was just something like that, right? Never stop dating. Your wife are always treated like you. Like you're like, You're trying. You're still trying to get it. Yeah. And that's out of all the things your little buddies and your family tells you before wedding, that thing stuck with me the most. So in my mind, like Pamela, just started dating. So we always try to do that. And it's it's so like muscle memory that I don't it's not intense. So who's in who's in charge of planning like the date nights usually? Well, right now with schedules are the way they are. It's like, great. Can we do a date night Friday, right? Or whatever? Sometimes if it does go weeks because sometimes life happens, you know, go weeks. We'll know when we do because we'll start getting at each other's throat. We'll start being agitated with each other. And it's it's really because we haven't spent enough time together. Oh, 100 percent. It's like what you're spending in the wrong way. Yeah, just being dad and mom, you're like, You're not so much a natural thing. You're being dad, mom, you're not being Pam and Jerry. So we need to go be Pam and Jerry for a little bit. It's sometimes hard for us to do date nights because we just don't have anybody to watch the kids. We don't have much family, so that sucks. But you know, I mean, we're the same thing, not we don't, we don't have it. So we're like, Well, you watch the kids plays for a little God. But I said, you know what we should do for? She has a close friend. Well, we all have. We're all very lucky. We have very close friends. And so what we had said is, why don't we have meet times every week so the girls can go one week, you know, one night, go do something, and then the next week the guys will go do something. So and it's not like we want to go out and go drink at the bar, but like, we're just one time to sit in the garage and work on something. It's like de-stress, stress and just de-stress and more of the same for them. They can go out, do whatever they do, you know? No. So we were also working on the me time to me. So like, she got a time with her friends. But it gets harder when you don't have a village. So like you said, you have family, you don't want some more kids. So or never. Now we don't really have it now. Do you're like two? We're done. Dude, I said that also, I had a whole. Mommy makeover after two kids and then I decided to have a slew more. That's where that's so, you know, told you, you know, Pam just had her mommy makeover and the past couple, it's been six six weeks now. Oh, good. OK, so she's probably starting at the swelling, starting to go down. It starts out a little setback, but that's that's stopped. Well, it stopped a lot more date nights, but but you know what I mean, so like that s**t starts to pile up, that's just going to compound. Yeah. And you know, we actually got into like a massive fight like a couple weeks ago. And I'd like to show we'd say, like, look, I don't mean this like, I don't like, I'm not trying to be a dickhead, but like the there's a certain level of connection that can't be there and it's nobody's fault. Am I right? But I it's just a part of life. I'm sorry. I'm being an a*****e. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right? This is what we need. And and actually, we have a date night planned Friday. Oh, cool. We're going to go out to dinner. We're going to go up to the football game and have a nice babysitter. All this off and then pay him gets a stomach bug on Friday. Oh, so you're like she like the fun. Yeah, but. So we are intentional about it and planning it out, and sometimes it's just going to dinner. Other times it's we're going to go to it for the weekend and we're going to axe f**king stupid. Well, what do you do when it's a toss up between me time and asked time? How do you feel it is a priority? Yeah, I think both our priorities depend on what the need is. I guess you mean, so I mean, if the kids are going really hard on Candice, if they're having a bad week, like if my kid gets sick, they're he has a earache. He can be an a*****e. You mean he can be a lot on his mom. And unfortunately, a lot of times to have to console her. They don't like I can start them up, but they have to finish with her, you know, mean she gets she she gets them calmed down. Kids want their moms. Yes, this is a mom. And so she has a lot of that. You know, I could try to get a babysitter and maybe it's her and I, because if it combines with like El RC, we haven't been out in a while. Or if I say, why don't you like, I'll just say, I don't care. She goes out every day like she does so much. You don't mean so much. Go like, so y'all over here been like resentful towards your partner for wanting like you time. No, you going to have those things? So I feel that's important. As a human, you got to have context. Clues will let Jerry know who I'm talking about, but in my marriage, I, you know, I had I was pregnant with Lincoln and then I breastfed for a year, right? So, yeah, breastfeeding. He couldn't help me. He did what he could on the weekends so I could sleep in. You just got to wash the parts. You wash the pots. During that time, like when I was breastfeeding, I encouraged him to go out because I was like, You can't help me anyway. So go, do you go hang out with, you know, your boys, whatever you're doing? So that's my time will come. You know, when he's weaned off breastfeeding and he's older, like, my time will come. We'll have our time. That time never came. And so there was growing resentment, right? So you guys, maybe because you're you are older. Well, we did. We did have. Yeah, we did have kids. Older guys play a role. But you know what? I understand even back then, if I had kids in my twenties, I would understand like, you need to go out for you, like you got a, you know, she's our own person. Before she met me, she, you know, I mean, like, she needs to go have her own time with her own friends, just like she needs time with me. I mean, you see, you got to have both. I mean, even now, like if I had, I'm going to see a comedy show on the 30th, and it's been planned for like a month, but I got an eye roll. OK. It's just I'm getting a month's notice. Yeah. Everyone will be with their respective fathers. What is? You know what I mean? So I didn't know if it was like an age thing because you guys are just so on him, because that's his problem, too. How are you? Which is my 38 or my 39 30. So I don't know. I'm twenty nine point two. Yeah, thirty one. But I have been married before. You have. Yeah, you didn't have that. No. Yeah. The third sound people, let's go on the life. You know, kids. No. Thank God. OK, so you guys at that time when you guys planned your time or was there no time it was all your time? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like it was all us time, you time whatever. But in neither marriages you struggled with, like having time for yourself, baby here and there. But I think a lot of that, my own maturity, you know what I mean? My first marriage was just, I don't want to say hot and heavy just when I'm like, I don't like saying, no, I don't think my first marriage was a mistake. I think I was really young. Long as you like, as long as you learn from its own mistakes. I was married at 23. I was a wild person. Twenty three, I could never been married. Yeah, I mean, I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. I got we got moved to Delaware, got pregnant and married in the same year, and I just turned twenty one. So I wasn't even legal to drink cheese. So I know I just ask because I wonder, you know, one of my girlfriends, she is married. They've been married for years. Actually, she got married the same day I got my divorce decree came in the mail. OK, so six, seven years now, they don't have kids and I always tell her, you know, like, figure out the married thing first, right? Like if he's going out with his friends and he's not coming home when he says he is, you know, I've got to work that out now. Oh yeah. Is that when you have kids, it kind of adds an extra layer, right? And so it's it's hard because I think that sometimes one parent will resent having to take care of the kids. It's while the other parent goes and fulfills like those their own. I hear that some, but. No. No. Because I hear it sometimes because I think when you, my wife, sometimes I'll be an advantage. I'll be in a situation where I could go out more. You know what I mean? Because like, if the kids are really needy, if they're her, yeah, it's all. It's all on her. Yeah. So that's why I have never she won't. It could be any day the week if she wants to go like crazy. Your money, go to take two days. Like, I understand, like you need it. It only comes in a good window or, you know, whatever so it out. You know, then that's why I also want to learn now as being married, you got to schedule s**t. Yeah, the scheduling is, you know, that's why I put the comedy show a month ago on the calendar, even even a how to hang out with your own friends because they have wives. So that's why I said, why don't we all put it on paper, like every other week, because we did make the whole group for like the last year does a guys trip or guys night or in a girls deal. And we let the girls probably put 12 in before we were like, Now let them do like 12 in a business where we go out every so we rerack, it is up. So now we're going to we're going to go Virginia this weekend. That's like that was like, so we're just cashing in. I mean, but we let them get like a ton in before because they too, they take they take all this. Did you must work? Sometimes, yeah, the moms are the best to the moms who do most of the work. And like you said about when the kids are not feeling right, they don't want dad. You know, getting to know, though, because Lincoln Lincoln had me and my feelings for years, right? Like, how have you seen Lincoln lately? No, it's been a it's been a while. He for the longest time was my first like that was a dad. Like, that was hobbies. Maybe he didn't want me. He wanted a hobby. Just now he's about to be 10 and he's now like, wants me to play with him again, like to put him to bed and make you so happy. I could cry about it. I mean, I cried on my actual podcast talking about it because I just didn't understand. Like the because like I said, the dads with daughters and mothers with sons are just so different. But yeah, Lincoln Lincoln for a long time was a daddy's boy, and I was just like, You'll never pick me, like, I'm never going to be. Even when he was sick, even like all that, he didn't want your mommy because Gerry's very much. Not a mama's boy. Right? The traditional right. He's right. I was him, and I do a lot together, so gravitate towards me with a lot of things. But if homeboy doesn't feel right, he wants, he's upset. He will curl right up now. Mom's lap Thankfully, it's been about like a year, year and a half. Now it's all me. Not that I don't want him to want his dad. I mean, he's a great dad, but he is hands down a great dad. But it was just a little heartbreaking because I am. I'm a full time mom was put all that work in the same way. I'm like, I carry you for nine months. I breastfeed for a year. I do all these things and your dad sits there and basketball shorts, and he'll recite that back to me when I'm like, when I give him a hard time, he's like, I know, I know, and my dad sits there in basketball. I'm just giving him a hard time. But Charlotte's not a traditional daddy's boy, though like in and I always like daddy socks or daddy's girl me. I'm sorry you like she will as she gets older than you. So much. I mean, I she respects me. She can we. We have fun. We do things. But she's she's still like a mommy's girl. Like she'll she will pick Pam over me 100 percent of the time if she's like not feeling right. Well, that make you feel. I mean, it sucks. Yeah, I think, like where you're from. OK, OK. Yeah, that's what I was getting at. Like a similar thing. I'm like, Damn it. All right, let's talk about numerously really quick. If you're like me, I just want to keep up with my kids. I want to be healthy for them. And the problem for me is I see all these fad diets and I want to copy them or I want to do them. But it's not sustainable. So when it comes to weight management, you want a long term solution that's going to be sustainable, right? And that's Noom. Noom is fantastic because you're managing your weight and there's no magic pill, right? Like, it is a true approach that is backed by science. Noom has a psychology based approach that helps you build better habits and behaviors that are easier to maintain. So Noom helps you understand the science behind eating and what your choices are, why you have those cravings. I am not like a big sweets person I love, like a good carb or a good salty snack, but just changing simple things in the beginning, like little things will help me make bigger changes in the long run. And that's the goal, right? So Noom has personalized courses. They're easy to follow. They'll help you grow your confidence with tools you can put into practice on day one. You can sign up for your child today at Noom dot com. That's Noom and 00am dot com for your child today. Just a really quick question before we go to our dating profiles. What was the difference since both of you have a son and both of you have a daughter? What is the difference at birth? What are the feeling differences? Because I've never experienced both. So the first you tell yourself, Go get some water. It was my first. So I think the difference is just the first and second for me. The difference wasn't a boy or girl. OK, initially, OK? I remember when your pain was a pretty long labor with Charlotte, like twenty one hours and natural, brutal. Yeah. I remember when Charlotte was first born, Leigh came out and I remember like breaking down, sobbing, crying just like a massive just surge of like my body will know how to handle this. It's just going to cry by default, right? And I'm like, Hey, me? Like, Are you OK? I'm like, Yeah, I'm just, I'm happy. Like, It's overwhelmed, right? With that, this this thing. I can't f**king believe I made what you made me this human. Yeah, I can like, feel myself getting emotional now. Then Jerry was a complete opposite birth like emergency C-section. Like nothing was going right. All that stuff. And I had I did have that, but it was a different feeling. Maybe it was because of the way or not that I wasn't elated. I was right, right? Right, of course. But the first one was just like this. I remember feeling this just incredible surge of emotion, just like I can't. But it just wasn't the same for the second. No, I think I think it's equal but different, equal with different. I think it was, yeah, a little bit more mature of a person. Like we're all constantly growing. I think it's your number two. You know what? You're getting into a little bit more. But then as they grow up, as I see the differences, I'm way harder on Jerry than I am on Charlotte. Like by far, by choice. Or you think it's just like, it's just probably a little bit of both? OK, probably a little bit of both. I know Charlotte needs more nurturing Jerry. Charlotte doesn't respond, but I don't think that's a boy girl thing. And it doesn't. It's not a boy girl because you have boy and girl, you might. To my listeners might come across that way. It doesn't, but I don't think it's a sex thing because I have all boys and I have to parent them very differently based on, like, incredibly different. I know plenty of of my friends that it's the opposite the girls. They have to be way harder on and respond differently, and the boys need more nurturing and the boys need more nurturing. And yeah, for our for our house. So like you learn what what each kid needs and that's how you parent, right? Yeah, I mean, I will get nowhere yelling at Charlotte. It's all it's going to do is just make her more upset. OK, so I have to learn how to like, navigate through that, right? Jerry is the opposite. I if I try to be soft on him, it is a game where I've got to be a little harder on him. You know, when you have a kid that doesn't respond to either, because, oh god, I feel so sorry. Don't ask me, man, I'd like to be a lawyer because I don't have time for this. Yeah, no. But but no, that's, you know, when they're being born, the sex. I didn't know it wasn't. I feel it was just like my kids are seven years apart. OK, so that might have played a role. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. Not seven, seven, four. I apologize four years apart. I feel like that's a you grow a lot before. Yeah, if you're conscious about yourself, you can grow a lot in four years. I agree. And like, you know, we're we're in different places financially, right? For years, like all those things compounded well and just having the four years of experience as a dad, whether it's a son or daughter, yeah, you know, when you have the second one, yes, it changes you a little, you know, so and I think there was a difference in in the the labor in the birth to a natural birth versus like an emergency C-section was like we had to get this done. So we focused on that. The bonding, I never had a C-section, but I've heard that the bonding can be a lot harder for mother and child with a C-section as well. I didn't see this baby. I mean, I don't know that for sure, but I could. I've heard that there's probably some like hormonal thing in there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's another thing I'm fascinated about. We can go way deep into that. We can do a part to these. Yeah, we're different. So for you, was it different or was it? Oh yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. The same kind of experience. I think my are different. The first one we did in a hospital and I was I was in a different place in my life. I just so I was I was still building my businesses and I was I mean, I was there and we're close. I mean, we ran like, I think we woke up or I have no idea what time it happened. But I remember I remember being there. We didn't know the questions asked. Like, I didn't know you two asked to get her the needle so she could stuff your pain, you know. Oh, the epidural. Yeah, so but so I didn't know. I'm thinking that it's like a TV show. I think there's going to be 12 doctors coming in and delivered his baby. I should have sent them a bill. I did. I played like I didn't do the work, but I was there. He was the lady comes and she's like, All right, yeah, you're dilated. You won't pick that leg up and start to push this baby out. Like, no idea what that's like so far. Oh my. I mean, f**k it. And so doing accounting and and I'll watch it 'cause my dad is going to be paying. I don't think she's strong as far as she. Get the epidural or no? She got she got yeah, she got like half of half her body, she said. But I remember it was a pretty quick birth that one. I think that one was only like forty five minutes, maybe and of pushing, maybe pushing. Yeah, that's not normal. Yeah, I should be a lot quicker now, right? All my kids, like pushing came out in two minutes. Yeah, the labor, the pushing labor is all. I can have it all wrong. Don't worry about so. So I'm sitting there and I might have to count wrong. So I just remember I here's what I remember is going like, I don't want to see that. Like, I don't want to look, but I still wanna have sex with my wife later, right? I mean, like, I don't want to look behind that look either. No, they asked me. I was like, Nope, I have a very nice vision in my mind, but you're like, I don't want to see any other way. Here's what happened. I was like, You know what? That's my son coming out. She's like, He's starting to translate. I'm not going to meet this motherf**ker. Scared. I said, I'm going to come around here and meet this motherf**ker. So you did. Oh yeah, I walked right around there. I saw the crowd watch the whole No, no, hell, no. I was like, it wasn't real into the head started coming out and I was like, Hey, then then you feel as at least as a man. If I hear you start feeling this, you know, like, I'm glad I look behind here. This is this is such a rare thing, right? And as in and the baby's coming out, you know, again delivered, I was like, This is this is f**king amazing. And when he came out and did his first cry from, like the feet up, I saw this third try. I was a whole new person. Whole, not a whole new person. A whole new person. I was like, You mean, like, there's something in the back of a male that's like, it's hidden there. And then when that s**t happens and it's on like you a whole new person? Yeah. Well, I say, like, it's not about you anymore. Yeah. And then like, I saw cancer so excited to see him. It was f**king awesome. I saw the V is him crying. The second one even cooler because we didn't know the sex, right? And I'm really hoping for a daughter, right? And I feel in the universe of my I'm pretty sure we're going to daughter. I didn't even pick a man or a boy's name. Yeah. And so we did a natural birth and we get there to fill that tub up, luckily to fill the tub up in time because she got right in there and got the work. But I think the the nurses there felt that I was so comfortable. She's like, Do you want to deliver it? And like, Hell, yeah, we did. I didn't, you know, I mean, me. Catch it. You catch it. The mother delivers, but the father catches or holds. Well, yeah, I mean, so so I'm sitting there and she's got the mirror like this. I'm like, f**king, we're looking. I'm not going to be pussy on this one, either. I mean, it's something they're looking at here right there. So that was an entire no, no, I could. She asked if I get the top of my soul, but not all the water out of the f**king top. No. So I'm sitting there. So her head pop pop sound like I'm pretty sure that's a girl. You notice right away? Yeah, 'cause she's facing otherwise. You know, she she doesn't look like she don't even know like, she's gonna be so f**king happy. Oh yeah. And I'm sitting here holding her head. I'm like. And the nurse leaves. She goes, Do some other stuff. I'm like, This is f**king amazing. Like, The world is crazy. This is the most cool s**t ever. She's like, Oh, let's get a shoulder out. The shoulder comes out. I'm like, Oh my god. Was it all fast, loaded and super fast? So then and then I'm like, This is definitely a girl. And then once I got the confirmation was like, f**k, let's go. And I was like, But I held it in. I was like, This is going to be such a good moment for this because we so we passed her underwater over to 'cause she's like. And she just picked her up. I was like, f**k yeah, get your prize. You know me. Like, This is right for her, too. Oh, it was a different. It was different because I was it was different because it was more about Candice. Like this time, like I was more in my head on the first one, I was like, I'm having a kid to like just f**king nuts. But we are. This is two years later. Yeah, two years later and three years later, on now, two and a half whatever. Well, math and we've learned so off. And so the big thing was I was so comfortable when I was in there, I was like, Yeah, I was like, because when you go there, you're out four hours later. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I was all like, Sounds like I already was. She asked me. I was already washing my hands. I was like, Yeah, let me get this girl. Let's go, let's scrub up. She's like, Yeah, whatever. And I was I was just more excited for Candice because it looked a lot better for her. She didn't get the one shot, they say, causes a lot of pain. Is it the Pettersen or the one chosen is what speeds up the contractions and the way you talk an epidural? Yeah. I think I think that's the one, she said. That made it a lot worse. Yes, allegedly for to he really. So she just looked a lot better and repair. And baby, she's like, Christ is picking up. And I don't think I cried because I was just so joyful that she's got her doll. We got to Amy's, you know, she got me, me, I got my mini me myself. So I'll just roll. It was all about her. Also excited. And I was so comfortable in the moment. Yeah, well, I can walk into some s**t and be right here. I mean, it's I was just like, Yeah, let's do this. You are sitting there and now we're just relax. And I'll just at that point, I was so comfortable and I was so happy. Everything went well, right? You know, the emotions. I was just kind of saved on kind of same thing sometimes are kind of stable. I listen, everybody handles, make sure everything's good. I'm over like everything's good right now and we'll come later like Moses will come later in the year. And then then a drive home, I was so crazy, like especially the first baby when we had Megan and I'm driving him, I can't believe he's a f**king baby in the back of his car. I was doing like 50 miles now. Like, This is f**king nuts. I'm like, I went here without a baby. Now there is a baby in the back of the car, like I had the sinking ship driving home. You f**king wrecked and I felt that I was like, Oh, we got to tell Megan, like, the baby came to me because we woke up in the middle of the night for that one. Oh, so we're waiting for make it with him. My mom, my mom live in the house with us. OK, so I was like, Hey, we've got to go take care. Kids wakes up. And so, yeah, we came home and he was all happy. Three days later, I was like, Can we take her back? I was like, He loves her now. But yeah, that's like the third day is like, I ain't about this. Yeah, I know it was. It would be tough to convince somebody to do the first one part natural with the natural birth, and we got like a breastfeeding coach. Yeah, yeah, we're happy for. And I tell you what, I paid for a dollar for the second birth. I was like and I was a game changer. I don't have those emotions to help her, so I was making jokes. I was like, Where we're going there? I was like, she was asking questions. I just please refer all your questions to adults as we get there. So I paid her already. I was just reiterating fold as she did. So she did all the s**t. I'm like, I could never do what she's doing right now. Like, that's what she needed. Yeah, yeah. You mean I'm not being lazy others? No, I cannot emotionally. I don't know. I mean, I'm not a woman. I don't know. She was the best. I was like this that made it a lot easier to because I had a dollar. Yeah, that was nice. Yeah, that's so interesting. You guys kind of had similar experiences then with the emotions of the first one and then not the no emotions, no no emotions, but straight. Hold on a second, though. Yeah. For the second. Yeah, yeah. I was just excited to get her home was like, Kids rock me. We've got to stuff. You know what you're doing? Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. You're right. Yeah, I was so completely changed you the same way. It's still changes. You're just not the same way. That first one. Yeah, you just there's not. I mean, there's nothing like that. I mean, you know, you're there for your first, but it's there's nothing. I gave all of my kids. I'm moving on. I'm moving on. OK, so every week you guys know we do the dating profile. So you guys are new to this. I'm very curious about this. The first one is actually a story which we don't typically get. Stories are usually like just screenshots. Okay, so this one says, we're looking at dick pics here. What we don't. Not, hopefully not. That should be unsolicited. Dick pics should be a crime, but so the first one says, first of all, I ignored so many red flags with this guy. I met this guy in the dating app and we talked for a while and the vibe was always great. So one day he hits me up on a Saturday morning and told me he wants to take me out for lunch and, you know, have fun. Yeah, some people call it so faux fur. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. It's like, Come on, you know, Oh, I know. Oh, you know what? I call it? Yeah, I looks like, but I have a free day with no kids and nothing to do, so I'm going to go over to Philly. I live in Jersey, I get over the bridge and he texts me, like, yet text me like my check didn't come through yet. Oh, Monday, I like, Hey, I hate that move. I mean, for me, I like that she's already on her way, she says. I'm already, I'm already on the bridge and I'll cover it. You owe me a nice date next time. Mind you, this was the second time we hung up. You got to sell it when you get in there. See, I think I would have turned around. You should. You should. This was ten years. You can't. You can't. We're still going. You can't bring it up. Like then that's that was a sales move. But he did until she. Yeah, now if he was like, Hey, look, I don't have a bunch of money by won't go out there, you, you know, that's this woman's going to respect that more. They're right. She says, We eat everything is fine. He gets in my car and starts going through my cupholders. I'm like, What are you doing? Right? That's for change so I can do my laundry. All right, that's just take my cheese. He just takes all my change that I had in my car. And then he asked, Do you have any more change in your purse? Oh, that's a that's a runaway flag there. That's a runaway. What I would do if someone did this, you got to run. That's what you did do. So I dropped him off and dude never said thank you for lunch or anything. So I'm a little annoyed. But whatever I get, how many texted me asking if I could cash up him $40? Because as money won't come through until Monday, I just responded, No, I'm sorry, I blocked him worst day I've ever been. It wasn't a date. No. Yeah, that's that is a very nice hustle that guy has going on. I don't men pick up women like that. That's not a man. Don't? Who cares? I say that all the time I see something happens all the time. And if she's probably some smoking hot girl to ask for it because of insecurities of girls, that can happen. Women, you with daddy issues we see. Like, How did he get that harness? Because I dated a I've dated people like that. Not they never did that. I mean, I mean, I pick somebody like my ex up on him. I don't like to hear more of a story like this, dudes just rummaging like, you know, the worst of all, man, let me see what's up on that person. If he did say if he did that to five other people that week, well, then he's got his bill. That's all I'm saying. It's just as legitimate as I say, you know, look, everybody's got to hustle, you know? Yeah, that's. But how hard is it to like literally like you could work at McDonald's like you could do? And you know, when your checks come, don't plan dates for when you're I mean, my thing is, why are you on a dating app if you don't have money because you can't take anyone because it's not their he's there to rob. I have to be, at the very least. Does she kiss or know? Does she do something? How far did they eat? Didn't even get to eat? Or how did they do? OK. Yeah. What was that conversation like? I mean, I can't imagine. But yeah, rummaging and all that. Get a free meal. Get so that to me, I would be like, I think it's time for you to go. That's not a dude. No, that's that's that's not even a nice pile on here is from Bumble, and it's Donny. He's thirty five. He's verified on this app. So whatever the hell about me. What does that mean? Because I'm a fish certified slinger, but I think someone told me that it means that like their picture matches who they say are, OK, that's nice. They're actually like, Hey, you're not going to get catfish, right? Right, right? Like, you're not going to a nice guy to pay extra. And then he claims to and it says single father of two not looking for anything serious. But if it happens, it happens. If you're overweight, no shot will meet up. Kim will meet up for drinks for the first day because I'm not wasting my money. Single moms are recreational use right to me to change my mind. Damn well. Look, I mean, look, how does he expect that we're going to go? He's thirty five. You go at that point, you know, you know what? Your writing is probably nine times out of ten. They're going to be a parent, and he has two kids himself. But you can't be. But but you're not. Although, although I also I also live by double standard, I would never date man with kids, so all of my kids dads. And that's, you know, there's nothing wrong with that. He cares about that part, but that's based on experience, right? All of them have cheated on their significant others with me. So why would I then turn around and be with someone who just? What's that guy's life been like? You know that he writes that you write that kind of stuff like what you guys, you know, single moms probably don't may not have time to go to the gym, so they very much could be overweight. That doesn't change that. They're a good person. Sometimes I hear I've heard these things before. Sometimes I feel like it's just dudes like, how far can I push it? How far you push it. I still get a date. And what you're telling me, because I think, you know, if you thought your look, man, I'm all, I'm a man. I like me. Yeah, whatever way, I like to know the weight we're talking here, it's all. Whatever way are we talking like? I mean, but like, but yeah, I mean, and here's the thing we eat for bowls of pho. Yeah, I mean, that dude was in a let's just say he was in a bar, right? You want to pick up, woman. He's not going to say that to a girl. No, he will. Yeah, no. So you keep his college. I would like to see what the mother of his children looks like. Look him up right now. She probably. She's probably never a like. He has a picture I can't show. He has a picture, but no face. Yeah. Spears. Well, why did she do so? Wait. Does she engage with them? No, this is just a just a just a. She's just all a profile. OK. All right. Yeah. So I'm thinking, I'm hoping so. He's a certified serial killer. All right. Stay away from that guy or weird man. The next one is a woman, which we don't typically get bad profiles. Okay, one minute scumbags kept me is 20. And her profile says, If you're trying to figure out how to say my name, think Mike Tyson saying, Kiss me, kiss me, OK? I don't know. That's kind of funny. I mean, I don't know. That was I feel like a good I like there's a lot. I was throwing a profile. Yeah, I feel like that's like it's got pressure on her. Yeah. And she's pretty impressive out there. She's pretty and she's touching herself a little bit. Daddy likes me. That gets you a little bit of a slight that's going to get some swipe right? I mean, she's got a little scaredy strap on here showing off what she's. She's like me. She profiles that stand out to get someone. You got a show? Yeah, not like, don't be fat. Yeah. What would you say that? Don't be fat. You got to be this guy. That guy was one step away from saying that the previous guy? I mean, he basically did. Yeah. So I would just, yeah. And does she have any other pictures? I have no idea why we're there. I mean, just yeah. So what's up the profile? What else is going on it? That's it. That's all that's left. Oh, well, she seems almost legit. It's funny. She's pretty crazy. s**t, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. But I think I don't think it's you is like, she's so she's attractive. She says. I'm catty to find out more. She yeah, she gets. She gets a lot of options. Well, she's going to be very insecure because you shouldn't be showing yourself like that. If you actually carry yourself well, you're not going to be like, what's a little bit like? She was come on could be a threat to me. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's a nice bra that if she's wearing her cups up here. Well, that's a no. What is she doing with that little silk dress on touching her? You're touching your collarbone. I mean, I get it. She doesn't know what I'm just saying. She's at a wedding. She's saying that she was. She was in the wedding. I mean, out of control. And last but not least, we have a story. From circa 2015, I was 18 years old and new to the Tinder world. I got many crazy messages in the short time I used the app, but the craziest one was literally just tits or get the f**k out. I responded with Get the f**k out. I was using the app for three months before I found my now husband. A T-shirt and grew up together for seven and a half years. This story was short and sweet, but I can't believe the audacity of some men. I can't get me these years. Just, Oh, where do you to do it? Did so get the f**k out. He he just he just don't hail Mary's. And if he if thousand girls looked at that, you know, 10 10 swiped on it first off on a nympho right on it. Probably, you know. Get the f**k out. Yeah, there's a girl that probably likes you, man. Oh, for sure. There's a lot of humans that is like hookup culture, like you're just looking for hooking. Well, that's what I was going to say. Like, Oh, then this is a genuine question. Do people go on Tinder to actually look for someone they want to date? I think so, really. I think I think now this is just I don't I have no experience with this and I have no research. But I think more women are looking for relationships where more men are probably looking for content. Do girls think that? No, they got it. Someone is going to put the word out. Tinder is now for dating. That is for. Well, that's why I felt that's for tits or get the f**k out you. Have you been on Tinder? Now we're going to make releasing T-shirts. That's all, you know, because you were married before they came out. I've never been on. I mean, I was on. I tried a one two punch, but no, I try it off. Well, I lived over here would be my second tour would mil apartments. I did a I did a dating app. I don't know why. It's crazy. I think I think it was. I don't Facebook. It was. I think it was eharmony. Oh, I'm sure it there. And I got nothing. My body bestie would get like two fifths of the tab. Like, I got all of this thing. Celebrate a successful eharmony harmony. I feel like my cousins might have some, but you know, I was emotional that I wasn't very interested in it. I was like, I was more like, What happens on this thing? If it's if, you know, I'm a I mean, I wasn't thinking I was going to be successful. I thought it'd be more like for fun, for fun. Where your military? No, I kid my state of tourism. Oh, what you're supposed to say. Military men seem to have no power. No, usually you're a woman apartment, so certain parts of your life, you mean starting up or something happening. I go back. So I don't know much sort of second tour came from. Yeah, yeah. OK, guys, I'm so glad I missed all that. All this. Yeah, this world. Goodness gracious. Yeah, I didn't. I yeah, I never. I went. I always went talk to and I'll tell you one thing I never did. I never separate a woman from her. If we went to all like a club, I was not the guy to go like, I'm gonna chase after that one who's with the 12 other women. I don't know how guys like we're going to separate. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not chasing you. I want you to like the fact that chase you. You're not the first on the enemy. I just don't know how I would feel about getting on to like, I don't care if anyone wants to use them, but starting over every first date like that sounds crazy. I don't even think about that. Yeah, that's a lot of. And what if it's awkward? That's a that's a lot of free meals, right for the women. I mean, we were going for free meals a lot. I wanna do this experience with that. Really, when we stop rolling, I'll let them tell you about the girl we talked about on the podcast last time. Anyway, thank you guys for being on barely famous. Where can everyone find you Instagram to appreciate? Yes, we're we're on Instagram, we're on Tik Tok or on Facebook. YouTube. YouTube, Spotify, Spotify. Right here on the streets to be summer of Delaware, Kamala Harris joining. Not yet. It will have air across across 55 basement. Don't tolerate me. Absolutely no. Appreciate you having us. And what is a really good time like? You're the dude. That's the dude to doo on all platforms. Ads? Yes. Yeah, yup. On all platform. All platforms. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming on. Appreciate you. Yeah, thanks for having us. Dive into true crime on Pluto TV. Unravel the mysteries with forensic files and 48 hours investigate crimes with Dateline 24, seven and Unsolved Mysteries with thousands of free crime movies and TV shows, Pluto TV is the true home of crime. Download the Pluto TV app on all your favorite devices and start streaming. True crime on live channels and on demand Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay Never.