Transcript
2020 was an emotionally draining year for a lot of people, and it's really helpful to talk things out. Talkspace is the number one online therapy platform that has thousands of licensed therapist trained in over 40 specialties. Each week, we ask our stalking survivors how they got through their trauma, and they tell us that therapy is most important. And that's why, as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace to match with the licensed therapist today. Go to talk Spacecom. Make sure to use the code stalking to get $100 off your first month and show support for the show that's stalking and talk Spacecom. The following episode of Strictly Stalking contains depictions of domestic violence and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised. There are many methods by which someone can be stalked. Phone calls, emails. Other methods of social media in person, school, work, home and even public places. A lot of times you don't notice someone stalking you until after the fact once you go through and revisit all these things. A lot of really scary and strange things add up. Jordan later realized that she was seeing him at the gym every day, which isn't necessarily a cause for concern because a lot of people go to the gym at the same time every day. In this particular case, it took him almost three years to approach her to ask her out. Once you realize you're being stalked and you revisit the past, sometimes you realize all these things add up. This may have been going on far longer than you ever imagined. My stalker was not violent. She wasn't threatening. He was suffocating. So like he was then. I remember receiving four bouquets of flowers on my doorstep, and I had been gone for maybe two hours. And there were four bouquets, just like strategically placed in a line by my door. And every single note would say, I'm so sorry for what I did, but did you please give me another shot? You're the most amazing woman I've ever met. I was so blessed to have you in my life, and now I've walked it and I screwed this up. Just apology and apology and just so accountable. And I can't believe I did this to you and I'm so ashamed of myself, and it was just the constant floods of that. I'm Jamie Beebe, an object of Tula, on today's episode of Strictly Stalking, we're chatting with Jordan. After working out at the gym, Jordan noticed an attractive man watching her. The man eventually asked her out, but after meeting up that first time, Jordan decided she wasn't interested. He persisted, so she agreed to see him again. During that day, he attempted to sexually assault her multiple times and then tells her that they're in a relationship and that he is her boyfriend. She played the role as his girlfriend in the moment in order to pacify him and not further escalate the situation. She turned to the police, but felt revictimized by the officer handling her situation. After that, the man began stalking her. Her voicemail was full of messages from him, begging her to talk to him. She encountered her stalker multiple times in public and began having panic attacks. Her grades and participation in school suffered even though one of her college professors tried to intervene. Jordan, thank you for joining us today. Thank you for having me. Tell us what was it like growing up on a farm? Well, technically I grew up in like a little farming town, so we didn't even have like a gas station, but we had multiple churches. I would say there was probably less than 80 people around there, and it was just farming communities that would go to this one little school. So it was very, very small. So to get medical services or even grocery shopping gas, anything like that, you had to drive at least 45 minutes to any small little town or cities that were around the area. Did you ever feel isolated growing up in such a small area? Honestly, no, I'm actually quite lucky that I'm really quite a hippie, I guess, so I really enjoy nature. I feel very grounded in that. And we had a lot of animals growing up, and I'm really I'm very attached to horses. And so I grew up riding horses and going out to the farm every day. And no, actually, it was not ostracizing at all. I actually really enjoyed the solitude both times. But no, actually, I really, really had a great childhood and really enjoyed that rural environment. High school was really amazing, and I think I'm going to be one of those people that's just like, Oh, I had the great high school years and I played both basketball, volleyball, and then I did track and cross country to just kind of stay in shape in between those seasons of basketball and volleyball. And it was a country school, so it was kind of outside of a city centre. And so it was quite small and really inclusive, and everyone knew everybody and I had a really I had a really, really great time and I got really good memories. I was definitely known as an athlete, probably still known as an athlete there. So yeah, I was very, very, very active with any sport or athletic activity. Injuries happen. And so I was constantly in and out of physical therapy offices and just with minor injuries, major injuries, whatever. And so I knew I wanted to be in health care because I have a lot of family that actually works in that field. And then I actually started out as a health care aide when I was in high school because my parents had suggested that you should maybe look into the software component of this career choice before you make any decisions. So it actually gave me the insight to know that I wanted to work in direct patient care, make an impact on people's lives. But I realized early on that I didn't want to do the clinical area of like nursing per se because the shift work is extremely taxing on your body. And I suffer migraines, so it's very hard to tolerate a schedule like that. So then I just kind of chose the discipline of rehab instead, and it just it fit really well for me with all of my experience. And I already knew anatomy quite well just because of my knowledge of sports and hurting myself all the time. How was life going for you before you met your stalker? Life is really good, I was busy finishing up school, I was in my last semester, I was really close to finishing actually at this time. I was super, super active still. So I was going to the gym religiously and like had a very thick schedule. In hindsight, it's actually pretty ideal for a soccer, actually, because I just did everything very OK'd by the book. So like when I went to the gym, it was at the same time for the same duration and I would do the same routine every time. So yeah, I went to the gym all the time within school and then on my off time I was either working as a waitress in a bar in the town there, and that was just what bonded me through the school. And so I didn't really have a lot of spare time outside of post-secondary and that. But it was, yeah, it was a really great time in my young 20s, for sure. What was your love life like? Were you dating? Um, I guess I was dating, yeah, like it was always very casual just because of how busy my schedule was. I was always open to dating and I guess, but when you live in a city like that, you just start to feel like, you know, everyone. So it was just to the point where I was like, Oh my gosh, I think I have to move to meet somebody at this point. So I was very, yeah, I don't know. I guess I casually dated, but it wasn't anything significant. And how did you meet your stalker? So I had met my stalker, so I went to there was only two gyms in the city that I'm from. And the gym that I went to, he also attended. I just noticed him constantly because any time I was at the gym, he was there. I was definitely aware of him, but I saw him consistently for probably a good three years before he ever verbalized anything to me. Hey, Jake. It's that time of day when we talk about all my favorite things. Let me guess wine, you new hot tub puppies, guys with tattoos. Well, you know me really well. But let's talk about my favorite new makeup this time. And that would be thrive cosmetics. You're reading my mind this summer is going to be all about liquid lash extensions, mascara and the brilliant eye brightener from drive cosmetics. I thought you said the summer is all about pool parties and tropical vacations. Well, yeah, that too. But I need to look amazing in all my photos, so I use thrive. The best part about thrive cosmetics is they're bigger than beauty mission for every product purchase. Their commitment to support non-profit partners with the donation of funds or products is truly inspiring. It's a beauty brand that goes beyond being skin deep, and they have clean beauty standards, which means no toxic ingredients. Vegan 100 percent cruelty free, and they don't use parabens or sulfates. I think our listeners will love thrive cosmetics as much as we do, especially because they're bigger than beauty. Mission is something we can all get behind. Visit Thrive Cosmetics.com/ stalking for 15 percent off your first order. This is an exclusive offer you'll only get here. That's thrive. S.A. you e me tiic ask.com slash stalking for 15 percent off your first order. Go to thrive cosmetics.com/ stalking today. I'm definitely living my best life this summer. The next few months are going to be a pool parties, vacations, tropical drinks and bikinis. So will literally no difference in the past few months. OK, true. 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Sign up today and you'll get 20 percent off your first order. Just go to the Phoenix Web.com and use promo code stocking. That's 88 E and ACLU B dot com with promo code stocking for 20 percent off. And what was that first date like with him? So the first day I struggle to remember specifics about it, I don't know if it's because it was just. Bland, I don't know, like he was, he was a nice enough guy, he just didn't stand out in any way like conversation was not organic in any way, and he just again came off as kind of shy and bashful. And then we went out to eat at a local restaurant and that was fine. Like, conversation wasn't like pulling teeth or anything, but I could tell like this was going to be a one day kind of thing or like a friendship, not anything more than that kind of situation. From there, he took me home and we pulled up to my house and he kind of made like advances to like insinuations. I guess so like wanting to come in to my house, and I just basically gave it wasn't necessarily an excuse. I was in the late stages of moving from that place. And so I just kind of made the excuse that, like all boxes are everywhere and it's just a big mess. And I'm kind of tired. I was in school all day in the gym and just played it off like I just wanted it to end. So yeah, I just I can't. Honest to God, remember if I even kissed him goodnight, if I did, it would have been a pact or something very innocent. And then I left the truck and went home, and that was that it wasn't anything too great. So you made it pretty well known to him that you weren't interested. Yeah. Like you can tell by body language and you can tell like, I was very polite and I'm honestly a person that I really enjoy meeting new people so and I can talk to a brick wall. So it was very easy for me to initiate conversation or maintain a conversation. And I don't know if maybe I was misleading in some ways, but I do feel like I was quite direct in other ways because like, it's not like I was affectionate or showing any kind of like public displays of affection or anything like that. So after that first date here we did like the standard. Like we would text after a little bit and said, I said, Thank you for the date. It was great. We just had like small talk, I guess. And then he was just kind of asking me what I was doing that next day, and I was just playing off like, Oh, I'm busy, I've got to park all day, blah blah. And he had offered to help me and I selfishly, it was just like, Oh, that would be wonderful because I was by myself and I just had no one helping me. And I just thought, Okay, it's a Sunday afternoon. Like, What's the worst that could happen? Like, sure, come on over and help me. And so he came over and we did exactly that. We packed and we played music, and it was fine. Like, he was really, really nice and really helped me with everything. And I didn't really get any weird signs or anything. It was just kind of I'd gotten to the point where like, OK, I like the packing done. Maybe I have to be courteous and accommodating employees that I would order pizza. And, you know, like that standard pizza and beer if you help move or pack boxes. And I threw a movie on the television just thinking that once that movie ends because it was an early afternoon skill that I would just kind of facilitate his exit. And yeah, that's just kind of where it kind of all fell apart. After that, I just kind of lost control of the situation from that point forward. So when we were eating pizza, watching the movie, everything was fine. And then when the movie was starting to end, you kind of do those down there like, Oh, hey, like the day is kind of coming to a close. I'm feeling kind of tired, had a long day and he just was not picking up on it. Or if he was, he was just in denial and not showing that he was picking up on anything. And so I again, being the person where I just don't like to upset people and I'm a people pleaser, and he's somehow convinced me that we could watch one more movie since I was like, Okay, like at least if we do that, then that's like the end of it. And I had actually gotten a little bit more blunt. I was like, Okay, like at the end of this movie. Like, it'll be it'll be done. And so I kind of felt reassured knowing like, okay, like this might have the conclusion to it. And then throughout that movie, I kind of just thought of it and seeing it. And so I would like get up and do things like the way my house was set up with the main living room was like it was such an open concept. So off of the living room where we were watching the movie, it was my side bathroom, my bedroom, my kitchen and my laundry room. And so like, you could access everything from that one center point. And so throughout the movie, I would just get up. I remember I put pajamas on. I had ran like a load of laundry. I was like tidying up in the kitchen randomly and then I would go sit back down because you would get irritated that I was up. Just, I don't know. Maybe it was like an anxious, I don't know. I just felt like I was losing control. And I just I could tell that he wasn't going to leave. So I was just kind of fumbling around like how my anxiety allowed him to move in the moment. And then, yeah, I remember I sat back down. And oh, yeah, I made an excuse, went to the bathroom and I came back out and I was brushing my teeth like literally trying to be as obvious as I could. But this night was concluding after this movie. So finally, after I brush my teeth, I sat back down on the couch and this is where everything just went really, really strange. And you know how people can say, like somebody whose eyes completely changed, like this guy's eyes just went completely dull, like there was just nothing in them anymore. And he was like, put his hands on my thigh and he would like, rub my leg and try and kiss me. And then I just got to the point where I was extremely blunt and I was like, If you think I'm sleeping with you tonight, I'm not. And I remember picking his hand up off my lap and placing it back on his, and I was like, I'd rather than think I'm a b***h at this point because he's obviously just not getting the hint. And so he literally he puts his hand back on my lap and he looks at me and he's like hippopotamus. And like. What am I, I just was so perplexed that I was like, what I'm like without any hesitation. He just like rubbed my thigh and he was like, That's going to be your support and life. Like, honest to God, like my stomach, just like drops through my feet and like, I could have honestly have vomited on the spot because like, you just know that you're not in a good situation. I remember I kind of panicked and I I feel like I just was on autopilot. I remember excusing myself saying I had to use the washroom, and I think I even giggled or something. I honestly cannot remember it that clearly, but I remember going up, going to the bathroom. And this is why I remember that because my cell phone and my car keys, I had left on the the counter in the kitchen that was just off to where the stairs are, and I had them out in the open because I was moving boxes. All that data, we were accessing my car, the mode, my car in and out. And so when I come back out from the bathroom, I noticed that my car keys and my cell phone were gone and I noticed that because when I got of the bathroom, I was like, You have to just get to your phone and just secretly like, text someone or make a phone call or do something. And when I came out and those were gone, I was like, Oh, my goodness. So then I really went into kind of survival mode because I was like, I know these photos. Like, I know that because I am very well aware of where I placed things. And so that kind of put like severe alarm bells in my head and I was like, Okay, this is the situation you're in. We're just going to keep him as passive and kind as possible. And I just honestly, I don't know where it came from, but I just defaulted to just whatever he wanted me to say or do. I was just going to go with and I just tried to pretend like I was almost the girlfriend, I guess. So that's how he was kind of speaking to me. Like when I came out of the bathroom, they came up. It was so strange. He got up off the couch, grabbed my hand and just like guided me into my bedroom, which is just right off the living room. Like I said earlier and I was just so confused and let him like, take my hand and just I just went in with him and he sat me down on my bed and I was like, I'm not sleeping with you. Like, I don't know why you think this is something that would happen. And I was like, Do you know where my cell phone is? Like, I just started to get really bored, but then would kind of like, retract back a little bit and be like, Jordan, like, don't do your typical like, don't leave it like just be calm. And he just completely ignored everything I was asking about the cell phone. Just, Oh, I'm sure in one of the boxes, I'm sure you accidentally packed it up or, oh, we'll look for it in a minute. You said, you're retired. Let's lay down. Let's go to bed. You said that you wanted like you would start to you things against me that I said all night. So like in regards to being tired, I have an early days, Morrow. So that's what he used to facilitate getting me into my bed. And then from there it just, yeah, he just got really, really aggressive. And he's a big guy, right? He was six, three, probably very athletic. And I had always thought to myself, I'm sure most women do wear this themselves and feel like if a man ever tried to do whatsoever to me, I would be able to get out of that situation. Or I'm sure adrenalin would kick in and I'd be able to defend myself. And I just had such a reality check that I could not get out of this situation. I remember him being on top of me. And even if he had been strangling me, he would have won because I just I literally was 10 and I just I could not move. And so when I realized that it would be futile to even try to scream or wriggle away or exacerbate the situation in any way, I just decided to go with it. And I just kind of I don't know if it was like an out-of-body thing. You just kind of I just remember looking at the ceiling and just letting him do what he was trying to do. And thank God, the universe was looking out for me and he just like could not get hard to save his life. And I remember clearly thinking I wanted to laugh in his face. I don't know why that random thought came into my head, but I was just so g*****n happy that this was happening. And I was just like, Oh, I just want to laugh at you. And it was such an inappropriate thought in the moment, but I had it. And then, yeah, he even threw out the assault. You just kept saying what you would alternate from. Oh, you're just so beautiful and gorgeous, and I just can't believe I got to you and that you said yes to me. And then it would go to like, you had to know you were going to get socked, right? Like, you can't wear Lululemon's like that and not expect like you were just playing with me. You were just playing hard and hard to get. Like you would just say it was like he was having a conversation with himself because I really didn't engage in conversation throughout it. I think I was just kind of in shock and just kind of allowing him to do whatever he wanted to do with this like rag doll on the bed. And then once all of that had happened and he got frustrated enough to stop, he just kind of rolled me over and Bear hugged me. And that was how I say it's like the rest of the night, and I tried periodically throughout the night to try and bring the loser. Any time I thought, like, I remember listening to his breathing and trying to be like, OK, I think it's deeper now. I think it's less shallow. Maybe he is sleeping, and I would like test it out by just trying to like, move an arm or even as minimal as like an ankle. And he would instantly just tighten, like just enough to let me know that he knew that I was like just enough to let me know that, like I knew he was still awake and that I couldn't move even if I had tried to. And so that's just pretty much how my night went was just me trying to see if he would ever fall asleep and then trying again to just, like, move a little bit. And he would still tighten. And then when the Sun started coming through the blinds, he woke up. I say that casually, or I don't know. I don't know if he actually woke up or was awake the whole time. I no idea, but he just got up and was like, Hey, calls me babe. And it was like having small chit chat with me about how he had to get ready for work. And he was like throwing his clothes on and just said, what a great time he had, and if he needed, if I needed help with the boxes later that day, like just to give him a call and he'd call me after work. And it was just the strangest thing. And I remember just going along with that. I was like, Absolutely, babe, for sure. Yeah, you call me, when are you off work? And just like, play the along just like a puppet? And I don't even know where that came from. I guess self-preservation or survival just comes out in very different forms. And then I remember he was wearing runners because I remember that so specifically because he was tying his shoes, talking to me whatever it was he was talking about. And it took him forever to tie these g*****n shoes, and I was just like, Just get out of my house. And so finally, he left and he kissed me before he left, and that kiss was honestly the most physically painful thing I think I've ever encountered. Like this I can. I can remember his lips on mine, and it just took everything in me not to just vomit. I was just so disgusted and mad and sad and angry, and I think it was because I knew the end was near that. I was just starting to kind of lose it, and I was like, You have to get out of this door, so I'm going to start crying. And so the second he left that closed the door and I just like my back to the door and I just slid down to my feet and I just cried for like, I honest to God, I don't even know how long I cried for. It was terrible. I'm so, I'm so. Incredibly sorry that that you went through this in that moment, I know you can kind of look back on it now, but how did you find the strength to get through this? Honest to God, I think it was just instinctual because it wasn't like a thought process I had. It's not like I was going through my brain thinking of scenarios and like what I could do to get out of this. I just like that's the role I fell into, and I just executed it like I just played off what he was doing or saying. And then I would verbalize something back and I would see how he would handle that. And then I just started to realize that he was taking on the delirious perception that we were together somehow or in a relationship. And I just, I don't know. I just like collected the information that was being given to me, and I just did what you would call him proud, I guess. And I just it was what I knew I needed to do to survive the situation. 2020 was a pretty emotionally draining year for a lot of people, and I'm so glad things are getting back to normal. That's for sure. I've learned so many lessons in 2020 and I'm applying them to my life right now. It seems like more people are open to discussing mental health lately, and that's why we recommend Talkspace for therapy. Talkspace is the number one online therapy platform that has thousands of licensed therapists to find just the right person to meet your needs. They have therapists trained in over 40 specialties, including anxiety, depression and even relationships. Therapy can help shift your perspective and find tools to cope in difficult times. Best of all, Talkspace is a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy. Each week, we ask our stalking survivors how they got through their horrific trauma, and each time they tell us that therapy is most important, and that's why he's a listener of this podcast. You'll get $100 off your first month, the Talkspace to match with the licensed therapist today. Go to talk Spacecom. Make sure to use the code stockings. Get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show that's stalking and talk Spacecom. When did you decide to go to the police? So I went to the police that day because it was quite early in the morning when he had left my house. So I would say it was still it was before lunch when I'd gotten to the police station and I live quite close to the police station, ironically. Yeah, I drove myself and got there and I waited in line and it was just a really surreal experience. This is the part that I don't remember too clearly, but I do know I was standing in line waiting with all the ticket buying pairs like every other person, every other daily citizen that goes in and out of a police state. So we're just waiting in line with them. And then when I got to the front, it was really hard for me to talk about because first of all, I just went through this experience, and so I was completely just traumatized and I'm sure it was disassociated from even where I was at that moment in that station. And so I'm trying to elaborate to this court that you could tell just did not want to be working the front desk or whatever it was, whatever position was that day. And he just seemed quite annoyed with me and I was trying to speak like on a lower level because I knew people could hear me. So they were standing right behind me to the left, to the right of me. And now it was just I explained the situation, and not once was I ever asked like, Oh my gosh. You aside from that, you can talk about it. Are you okay or was nothing with regard to my, I don't know, like my mental health or my physical health or anything like that. He didn't. Well, he wasn't concerned with that. It was more of like he wanted to problem solve, like how that could have happened. So he was like, what was he like, aggressive? Or was he like violent? Or have you guys been dating a long time? Is this just retaliation of a girlfriend trying to get back at her boyfriend? And I had elaborated earlier in our conversation that he was a firefighter, and so in hindsight, now I'm curious if that had anything to do with this cop response to me or his receptiveness to me because he questioned the validity of what I was saying pretty much right from the get go. And yeah, it was just a lot of accusatory like. Well, did you instigate this or were you misleading in some way? Or did he misunderstand what you considered not to be advances? Or were you just too bubbly and nice like just the most? It was just some of inappropriate questioning, and I just I had no idea what I was doing. I've never felt like there's a rulebook on how to approach an officer and elaborate on a sexual assaults. You just experience straight. And then when you got when I got questioned immediately in that way, I just kind of went into myself, right? Like, I just felt like I was in the wrong. And then I just started reevaluating everything in my head and then kind of retreated and was just like, What am I doing here? Why did I do this? What if I get this guy in trouble? Like, what if he loses his job? Like, I thought more about him in that moment than myself? And that hurt. Like now, in hindsight, like, it makes me really upset to think that, like the poor 20 something girl is just trying to seek help from anyone that she could. And this is the response that she gets right. So it was all in all, I would say dealing with the police was almost more traumatizing, and I think it was terrible. So basically, in summary, he said that he would give the guy a phone call and let him know that I had no interest in seeing him and that if he continued with his behavior or thought me out or tried to speak to me again, that there would be consequences. It was just like it was like a phone call, like scolding a toddler, almost. And so he never answered the phone call. Of course, I'm not sure if he has Caller I.D. or not, but the officer just left a very strongly worded voicemail. And then, yeah, I left. He was like, Hey, both closed. We handled it. Thank you for coming in. And then so from the time that incident happened, to the time of when I finally disclosed this to somebody, it was like a three week span. Maybe like it didn't last too long. But in that three week span, my stalker was just ever present. Like just. All the time there, and so that made healing difficult because I could never heal when I was always. Seeing him or inhaling with flowers from him or text from him or my voicemail would be just completely jam packed full. I know the police had asked him to stop contacting you. Did you also ask him? Yeah. So initially you thought you know how on your iPhone, you can always do that bumble message going. That was anytime I would open up the message box that was constantly going. It was literally like this man was just sitting on his phone, typing constantly, and it would be messages that were so long that they would have to be sent in like an order like not one bubble, but like multiple ones. And so I know I finally gotten to the point because I was like, I'm not going to engage in this, I'm not doing this, I'm just going to keep ignoring it. And I remember one time saying, Please stop talking to me like, I do not want this. And it was just something really, really brief. Like, Just leave me alone or something like that. But it was only like the one time like, I just absolutely refused to participate in it. And so I just let them blow up my phone and I just like, I literally wouldn't answer. I think I did. Maybe once when I just like, lost my cool for a minute. Did he bring up you going to the police at all or confronting you about that night at all? Yeah. So he made multiple attempts like he always was really apologetic. So this is where, like a lot of my story, I feel like is a little bit different because my stalker was not violent. She wasn't threatening. He was suffocating. So like he would send. I remember receiving four bouquets of flowers on my doorstep, and I had been gone for maybe two hours and there were four bouquets, just like strategically placed in a line by my door. And every single note would say, I'm so sorry for what I did. Did you please give me another shot? You're the most amazing woman I've ever met. I was so blessed to have you in my life, and now I've lost it and I've screwed this up and just apology and apology and just so accountable. And I can't believe I did this to you and I'm so ashamed of myself. And it was just just constant floods of that because I did stop going to the gym at that point. I'm wondering if that's also what made this. So much more intense because he didn't have those three hours a day to watch me, maybe that was something that deprivation maybe caused this to even manifest into something just even crazier to. I didn't return to the gym after that either. How did this stalking begin to escalate? And did you turn to anyone for help? So it just started to escalate because it was pretty much constant, like the flood of texts and voicemails, but when I started to like, I tried to get back into my normal social life. So friends are trying to ask me to go out and I would go to like the regular hole in the ball, hole in the wall bars that we had there. And granted, the city only has a select few of bars, like the bars that you can attend anyway. And I would just start to see him everywhere. I was in that regard, too, so I couldn't escape it. And it just it got to the point where if I didn't see him, I was freaking out and paranoid because I was like, I know he's somewhere. And if I did see him, I was freaking out and being paranoid because I was like, What's going to happen now? And I remember just getting panic attacks. Like, I remember seeing him at a hole in the wall bar that I was at, and I just caught him in the corner and he was by himself, just sitting by a pool table and drinking. I don't know something on the rocks or whatever just by himself, and I just casually looked over and he was there. And because I never told anyone anything, I just kind of like exited from my friend group went into the bathroom and I, honest to God, had such a panic attack that I don't even think I left that bathroom for over an hour. I just sat on this dirty toilet, hyperventilating and like my fingers. Like, I remember that specifically, my fingers went like rigor mortis, like when they just like, tighten and clench up. And I couldn't I couldn't utilize or make them functional. And I remember that 'cause I was trying to use my knuckles to text on my phone to get my friends to just come get me out of the room, and I couldn't even do that. And so, yeah, it just it just got to the point where in that three weeks span, I just couldn't escape him at all. Like it, just it caused my anxiety to just manifest into something where I just couldn't even function anymore. I remember one day I was at school and we had gotten our results back for one of our final project, and it was worth like 40 percent of our mark and I had done really poorly on it. And that was just very unlike me. I was a really, really good student, top of my class and always went above and beyond on projects and stuff like kind of just like a cleaner in school. And yeah, my I was very grateful that I had the professor who pulled me aside after class and took me into her office, and she just basically sat me down and I just remember it clear as day. Her name is grace, and I just think that's amazing because she just came from grace to this woman and she just sat me down and was like, Jordan, what is going on? It was like, What do you mean? And she was like, No, like, what is going on? I had lost weight. I was pale. I wasn't myself at all in cla*s. Usually I'm very engaged and participate all the time, and I was just very withdrawn. And then those final marks, she just was like, You have to give me a reason because I want to let you rewrite this, but you have to give me a reason for why this is happening and like what is going on. And I just broke down like I tried so hard. My body just shook and like, I just I just lost it and I just couldn't compose myself. And she just hugged me in her office and she was just so motherly and arm and just she was like the first person that had been there for me, and she just was really amazing and helped me talk through everything. She offered me resources. She got a hold of the campus security and we got a description of his talk and she was like, You will never be on the premises, ever. She let me rewrite my final, which was amazing. It was really, really kind of her to let me do that. And yeah, she was the first and only person I ever. Sought help from did you go back to the police at all to talk about his stalking? I didn't know. No. Not once. I thought it was such a burned bridge to me. I honestly I have. I still have anger towards them for how that was all handled. And I just I didn't see the point in ever going back because I didn't think that they would help me and I didn't want to feel ashamed or. I don't know, I just didn't want to have to answer any more questions. So in your life, what decision did you make to get away from your stalker? Yeah, so the decision I made was just to relocate, and I actually thought was a suggestion from my professor, actually. I just I just it was actually perfect timing because I was just coming upon graduation. And so I was just looking for new jobs in my new field of work. And yeah, it was just like a perfect opportunity for me to leave. And so I just thought that would be the best, easiest choice. So that was the choice I made, and I haven't I haven't been back then. Were you worried that your stalker might follow you and find you? Oh, of course, yeah, absolutely, I was. When somebody is that obsessive and suffocating and it becomes their new normal, almost right, so yeah, that was definitely always a fear of mine. And before I had moved, I actually transitioned to living with my sister for that time period, so they just couldn't be alone. I was. Yeah, it was. Yeah, relocating was probably the best thing I could have done, and I don't regret it by any means, but it just is kind of sad that that was. The choice that I was forced to make, did you have to take any special precautions when you did relocate so that he wouldn't find you? So with regard to that, he actually like he watched me move like when I was at my sister's place, like here he was passed out like I did see his truck. I didn't elaborate to my sister at the time because I just felt so terrible that this situation was happening. And I just thought the sooner I can leave, the better. And then it would just make everything better for everyone. So I know he had seen me moving, and there was just no way I could really. Hide that in the outback, like the city I live in is so small and he can. He knew my car. He could, he knew like he could have just followed me anywhere, so I know he had watched me move. But as for trying to do it safely, I just made sure that there was always people around me. I was never alone tapping and I, yeah, I just got up and left. So then I got rid of all of my social media, I guess, like I tried to limit. Like how he can track me in that aspect, but no, in hindsight, I guess I could have done a lot more. Do you have any idea where your stalker is now? I have no idea. Honestly, no clue. Probably still firefighting living in that city. I really don't know. Do you think that he just gave up on stalking you once you moved or do you think that he did try to find you or perhaps did find you and you didn't know? Gosh, I really hope that I hope it's not the latter, but I don't, I don't know. We just we know that a lot of stalkers don't. I mean, you know, they don't stop stalking unless something drastic changes. I don't know, like the fact that it took him three years to even do that. It makes me question if he had thought before or if he stalked Arthur or if I was just some weird situation. Or, you know, because now that I think about that, that three hour workshop like that actually took quite a while for him to initiate anything right? And then after that, it was just kind of full blown if someone was in your similar situation. What advice would you give them on how to deal with what you had gone through if they were facing a similar situation? Well, first off, I would I would say, don't ever think that somebody is safe just because of their socio economic status or their position, like just because he was a firefighter. I should not have to be faulted for thinking he was a good person. He definitely abused his power and authority position in regard to that. If I was to give advice, I would say push harder. Don't be ashamed if you get pushback from authorities, just stand your ground like, know what happened to you and advocate for yourself. I really wish that I had done that more if I hadn't been so young and naive and like people pleasing. If I was like the person I am today, I would definitely have stood my ground and been like, No, this happened to me. I was violated and you need to do something about it. I would just say, advocate for yourself because no one else will. And yeah, talk about it with people. Even strength in numbers, right? Maybe if I hadn't gone alone and I had somebody in my corner, that could have helped also. I'm not saying like, don't be. I don't like fully disclosed information, but I'm wondering if me leading with up with his career is that impacted the police's response. So maybe just I don't I don't know if that's good advice or not to give, but maybe don't lead it there like a high class career or a high profile career. I think my story's just a little different because I feel like most of the podcast sessions that you guys have had. It's usually this person is so aggressive and menacing and threatening, and mine was more of what you're like. Initially, the whole incident was terrible. But post-incident, it was just so suffocatingly. I don't know, not aggressive, just. He just had no social cues, and he just, yeah, I don't know, it was just overwhelming, but in non-threatening way like I did feel threatened. It's not like I didn't feel scared or anything. It was just such a weird approach. Beyond just moving to another location. What else have you done to change your life and made changes in your life because of your stalker? Yeah, so after that, oh gosh, I was single and did not date for years, like not even kidding. Didn't go on one date. I was just did not think it was worth it. I was totally fine being with me and my cat and we're seeing my career. Aside from that, I think just my own security, my own safety became the forefront. So when I did move to that city, I spent a lot of extra money on a condo that had really good security with cameras and security guards that would monitor the park caves and the entrances that in the night time. And that was really important to me. So it was very much willing to pay more money for extra security for certain things. I don't park in park kids or anything where there are corners that you can hide in. That just scares me so much. I I'm always aware of my surroundings, so any time I'm walking to my vehicle, I know I've written this earlier to that is I always have like a metal like, well, water bottle, and I always have it full of water and it's always in my hand because I can use that as a weapon. Like, I always make sure I have something accessible to me that I could use if anything was to happen, like you're just always on guard. Sort of like that. But yeah, I would say, like the no dating thing was something that that took a long time for me because I just didn't prioritize. That is important. I took my therapy more important. So even when I relocated, I continued with therapy and that I really want to push to people to please go get help. Just talk to anyone. It doesn't even have to be a therapist. Just talk it out, because I can't elaborate more on how much later I felt being able to share it with someone. What do you want to see happen to your stalker? Oh, gosh. I honestly hold like no bitterness, no hatred towards him, and I know that that sounds kind of crazy, but when you forgive, you just kind of let go of everything. And I didn't forgive for him. I forgave for myself, right? So that I could move on. So I don't hold any hostility or anything. I just truly hope that this man has learned from that situation, and I truly hope that it was a one time thing with me and that he has not continued with that. And I hope that if he is still a firefighter and in that position of power, that he doesn't abuse it and that he is humbled and just tries to do better, you know, just treat people better. I just truly hope that he is better himself. Why is it important for you to come forward and share your story? I think mainly it's important just because you have to find meaning in the suffering, and I just I want to leave this Earth knowing I made a difference or that I left some sort of positive imprint. And if my story can help even one person, I know, that's like a classic thing that most people say. But I genuinely mean, not if my story can even just reach one person and it impacts them in a positive way or help them get out of a situation or help them recognize the situation, or if it just makes them feel like they're not alone. Because I know a lot of times, even from my perspective, being victimized that way you honestly feel so ostracized, you feel like you're the only person going through these feelings. You feel like you're the only person that's being judged or looked down on or like you could have done something better. You're your worst critic, right? So. Yeah, but Jordan, we sincerely appreciate you coming forward to share your story with us and all our listeners. Thank you so much. I really appreciate the platform. If anyone out there is in need of help or is a victim of stalking and please reach out, you can find a list of resources on our Instagram at Strictly Stalking Pod. If you'd like to share your story with us on Strictly Stonking, you can reach us. That's strictly stalking pod at gmail.com. That's strictly stalking pod at gmail.com. And now we're on patron. We can sign up for exclusive bonus episodes, early episode trailers and check out show merchandise. Just go to Patriot Act. Com Slash Strictly stalking. I'm Jake Deptula and I'm Jamie Baby. Thank you for joining us and today's episode of Strictly Star.
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