A Basic Bitch Thanksgiving

Transcript

I am the storm that pounds for hours, for days on one side of your head. I am your migraine. Light blinds. Sound pierces. You can't escape my nausea. If you've lived with me for years, talking to your doctor may help. Learn more at migraineaware.ie, brought to you by Pfizer Healthcare Ireland. This isn't your average business podcast, and he's not your average host. This is the James Altucher Show on the choose yourself network. Today on the James Altucher Show. I had been to therapy, like, throughout my life, but never really with the intention of doing any real, like, work. I was just like, I guess I should go to therapy now. And then I'd go and be like, this guy is stupid or this person is, like, letting me manipulate them. Like, I just felt always like I was out running them. Not that I was smarter than them, but I knew my way around a real conversation, and I didn't wanna get real. I didn't wanna talk about my brother dying when I was 9 years old. I just didn't wanna talk about it. I didn't think I had to. I thought I was smarter than that, and then I was cooler than that. I was like, I'm too cool to go to therapy. Like, I don't even need it. And I thought I was killing it. I really did. Well, because and I'm sorry to interrupt. I tend to be Go ahead. I interrupt people all the time. You have this great quote towards the end. You say, I thought I was nailing it for a really long time. I spent my twenties wanting people to think I was great. I spent my thirties thinking people thought I was great. And when I turned 40, I started wondering what I actually thought about me. What kind of triggered this self introspection? Do you feel now let me put it this way. Do you feel now you're more on a quest for that meaning in your life? Yeah. I've gotten closer to it. I get it. I get it that it's not just a spin cycle. You gotta, like, be in your life, and you have to show up for people. You know what I mean? Like, to really be a person, and we're in a society right now that's completely out of control, so people are digging deeper because they wanna feel grounded. I felt like I was flying away, and I needed to get, like, rooting. And, you know, the conversations in LA, a lot of them entail words like gratitude and the conversations in LA, a lot of them entail words like gratitude and the universe and kale and all that s**t. So you get sick of it, and you become, like, allergic to it. I did, anyway, because I'm a cynic, and I'm like, get away from me with all the meditation s**t and this and your mantra. And meanwhile, now I'm so into it. Like, I get it. I'm awake. I totally get what it means to be a person that is living your life rather than your life living you. Yeah. I love a comedy club in the daytime. Yeah. This is great. Thank you. I'm glad nobody has a job. It's, or or or you left your job and you said you had to go to a doctor's appointment, which should be roughly correct. Am I correct? Yes. I said I was going to a doctor's appointment today too, and now here I am. So we're talking about Chelsea Handler's new book, Life Will Be the Death of Me. Actually, I'll hold up the hardcover. Chelsea Handler, I was giving a little brief intro. She's done a a billion things, Chelsea Handler Show, then Chelsea lately. Or, you know, the the talk show All things called Chelsea. Basically, after that, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Right. And then the last Netflix talk show you did was called just Chelsea. Chelsea. I well, Oprah was taken, so I was like, I guess I guess I'll go with my own name. And then you had, your first book was My Horizontal Life, which does not have the word Chelsea in it, but then your next one was Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. Continuing the Chelsea tradition, you lived in Chelsea, New York for quite a while. They didn't have to do it. Did that. So so But a lot of people live inside of me in New York. I'm not gonna No. In the neighborhood. Not actually inside of me. They live in Chelsea, which was also named after me. That was that was almost too that was almost too easy, so I I let it alone. No. Yeah. I wouldn't make it. That's a joke from the eighties, by the way. So So so this book is so different from your other books. Your other books are are, you know, comedic, funny. They're very transparent. They're very honest. I think you're extremely known for your your honesty. And even your your your vulnerability, about alcohol, relationships, what's going on in your life while you're writing each book. But this one takes a different it's it's still vulnerable and and very transparent, but it takes a different turn. You're you're you're open about this sadness, and it's like one nonstop therapy session with a therapist. And and was this was this the absolute first time you had been in therapy? I had been to therapy, like, throughout my life, but never really with with the intention of doing any real, like, work. I was just like, I guess I should go to therapy now, and then I'd go and be like, this guy's stupid, or this person is, like, letting me manipulate them. Like, I just felt always like I was out running them. Not that I was smarter than them, but I knew my way around a real conversation, and I didn't wanna get real. I didn't wanna talk about my brother dying when I was 9 years old. I just didn't wanna talk about it. I didn't think I had to. I thought I was smarter than that, and that I was cooler than that. I was like, I'm too cool to go to therapy. Like, I don't even need it, and I thought I was killing it. I really did. If you measure your success by what's happening in your life and and, you know, and you're making a lot of money and you're being successful in the endeavor that you chose to pursue, everything is coming up roses, or it better be, and if you have a problem with that, then you're just a gente kvetch, you know? Well, and I'm sorry to interrupt. I tend to be Go ahead. I interrupt people all the time. You have this great quote towards the end. You you say, I thought I was nailing it for a really long time. I spent my twenties wanting people to think I was great. I spent my thirties thinking people thought I thinking people thought I was great. And when I turned 40, I started wondering what I actually thought about me. And I think what what kind of triggered this this self introspection? Because you because you mentioned in therapy, you kept you thought you were kind of almost winning the conversation with a therapist, But I think there in therapy, you really improve when you start to get curious about yourself, and the therapist is sort of unlocking that. And that's what I see happening in this throughout this book. You're getting more and more curious about what's happening to yourself. Because these earlier books, it's almost like you're trying to to solve this emptiness inside of you, where the emptiness is filled by fame or relationships or alcohol or whatever. But here now, you're trying to get to the heart of the issue. So what what triggered everything? What triggered that first sadness? There was an election in 2016, and that was a real trigger moment for me. I wanted to kill everybody, and I wanted to I couldn't understand. I could not believe what happened, and I realized after kind of, you know, in retrospect that I've, like I've been angry for so long. I've had this, go go go go, be tough be tough, don't be vulnerable, you can do it, you can do everything, you're in charge, you don't need a man, don't get a boyfriend, you're independent, you don't need a baby, you're going to show the world that you can do everything and you're tough. So that was what was playing in my head for many many years from the time I was 9 years old. Like, I'm gonna stand up and be tougher and stronger than everybody else. But you didn't I don't think you necessarily thought that when from the age of 9 on. No. You don't think it, but you realize that's the playback you've had. Like, I can't be vulnerable, I can't be weak, and when Trump was elected, everything crashed down around me. It just felt like, oh. And then when I took a look at myself, I go, oh my god. You've been so spoiled in a sense that this is the first time your world's been unhinged. This is the first time you're pissed off at politics. Like, I'm f**king 40. But but the question I have is, so that was that triggered things. But often when you first go to a therapy session, you could say, oh, I'm really upset about this. I'm, it's bothering me. But the therapist is looking at you trying to figure what's the bigger problem, and that's what you kind of get to in this. Through the articulation of what I was so angry about well, the inarticulation, I should say. I was just so pissed about Trump, you know, and through that, he's like, what what are you really pissed about? And what Trump represented to me was what happened to me when I was 9, when my world became unhinged, so it was a trigger to that. Oh, my brother died. The most important person in my life at that moment, my bookend, my oldest brother, I was the youngest of 6, he was the oldest, we were a team, he told me he was coming back, and he never came back. He died, went off and died in my mind, 9 year old, I was like, oh, he went off and let himself die. He didn't give a s**t about me, he rejected me. That narrative played out my whole life without identifying it. That narrative was in my head, so when Trump was elected, what that represented to me was, oh, my world's a f**king mess again, and now I have to go in and figure out a way to maintain. And I didn't have the tools anymore because I was so f**king tired of pretending that I was in charge of everything. You know? I didn't have the tools, so I had to get a psychiatrist. Thank god. Like, where when you say thank god, like, where were you heading without the psychiatrist? I just was out of 10 every day. My outrage was so high. I was so pissed at Donald Trump and those that family he spawned and their veneers and just everything and their vampiric look, and I it just made me insane. I was like, oh my god. When are they gonna get him out of the office? Like, they were gonna remove him any minute. You know what I mean? Like, Bob Mueller was gonna come charging in on a horse and be like, get the f**k out of here, you zombie. And Were you upset when he didn't do that? Like, when this Mueller report came out? Every day, I'm upset. What I wanted to do was to take that outrage and harness it into something actionable and not be sitting around pissed off and be in a state of reactiveness. You know? I don't I don't I wanted to be in a state of action. I wanted to control the situation, not let the situation control me, and I had just hit a wall. So I should have gone to therapy many, many moons ago, but, luckily, I think a lot of us have the Trump family to thank for our awakenings. You know, actually, on that note, do you think, Trump's election did trigger a lot of that kind of outrage? Like, for instance, the Me Too movement? Yes. I mean, we the reason why people use Headspace in the Calm apps and why everyone's talking about meditating is because we have a f**king buffoon in the White House. That is why everything is happening. So as while there's all this darkness, there is a crosscurrent of great things happening and great coalitions that have been formed and women coming together and men acknowledging that they've overstepped and abused their positions of power. This is all a direct referendum on him. I think we can all see that. I mean, it's you know, I don't know how when they're gonna prove that, but I I think there's I wanted to be part of a positivity. Like, I needed positivity. I was like, I'm gonna get cancer if I act like this all day. And because I had somewhere to pinpoint my anger, then it just became unfurled. Because I could look at Donald Trump and and take out my anger from my childhood and all of the stuff on an object that deserves to be hated. So so let so so let's back off. And when you were 9 years old, as you say, your brother went off and got himself killed. What happened that day? Like, what were you doing? What happened when you found out the news? When I found out well, he first, he we would always go to Martha's Vineyard, my family, my parents, and for the summer. And he was leaving on a trip. He had just graduated from, NJIT, and he was an engineer. So he was going to celebrate in the Grand Tetons on a hiking trip with some 2 of his friends from high school. And the night before he left I was like, why aren't you driving me to the Vineyard? Because that was our thing. We would drive up there. It's a 5 hour drive, and we'd take the I 95 through the Merritt Parkway, and he I would keep the windows down, and he'd roll them down and listen to Neil Young and play music loudly for me, and I was you know, I grew up with him. Like, that was my dad figure. My dad was also a dad figure, but they both were, like, worked in tandem in my mind. Like, I went to the nice one for this and the mean one for that, but he And your dad, you compare in the book to Trump, so we'll get to that later. Yeah. He has some Trump qualities, but Your dad's here, by the way. Well, he's dead, so that would be impossible. He's here in spirit. Yeah. Well, I doubt that too, but we'll move on to that. But I took that to me like, I sat with him in the kitchen. I made him a bowl of cereal, which I did all the time when he came home from work, because I thought I was, like, his housewife. And and I was like, let me make you some dinner and, you know, whip up a bowl of cereal and cut up bananas and get like a paper towel and throw it at him with a soup spoon or something, and he was like, I will never leave you with these people. What are you, f**king nuts? I'm never leaving you, and I was like, oh, yeah. You're never gonna leave me. Like, we're a couple. That's how it felt. It feels like it's a crush, your oldest brother, when you're a little girl. It's like your first man that cares about you more than anything. My mom brought me home from the hospital, and I slept in bed with him on the first night. I mean, that tells you more about my parents than it does about my brother because he was f**king 12, but whatever. You know? And, you know, and then he died. He said those things to me, and maybe he didn't say those things to me. Maybe that's how I imagined it, but I'm pretty sure we had a conversation along those lines. And when you don't have that vocabulary and you can't say, I feel rejected. I've I've had this loss. Like, you're 9 years old. You don't know what the hell is happening. Everyone around you falls apart. My father fell apart. He was never the same after he lost my brother, and our whole family had no vocabulary for grief. And my mom was sweet and loving, but she was in her own hell, and you hold on to that injury. I didn't understand that a 9 year old could hold on to that feeling, so any time I come up against a man or any person that's gonna try to help me, I'm like, I don't need you. But what happened that day? Like, you you you you you he went off or you you he didn't go to Martha's Vineyard. When did you hear the news? What were you doing? We were in, Martha's Vineyard, like a week later after that night I had with him in New Jersey. He had left, gone out to California to go hiking, blah blah blah. So we were in Martha's Vineyard. My sister Simone had taken me out for ice cream so that, you know, she could go out with her friends, and she was dropping me off, and my mom just came up to the top of the stairs, and she looked like she had been beaten up. I mean, we had never I had never seen her face like that, and she was mottled and red and just grief stricken, and we were like, what the f**k? Like, you thought I thought, oh, is there an intruder in here? Like, she's obviously been attacked. And then, you know, the thoughts that circulate in those moments of crazy trauma, you don't know what your your just mind is like, wait, what? And my sister went to throw away the ice cream, and I remember going, why do we have to get rid of our ice cream? Like, s**t. Is what does this mean? Like, why? Why are we ruining a good night? We don't even know what the news is yet. Maybe it's still good. Maybe it's she's upset and it's good news. And she just was like, your brother's dead, and you just can't believe it. You just can't believe that your family that you don't believe in anything in that moment. God is evil. There is no god. Nobody gives a s**t about you. You have no one you could depend on. Like, he literally looked me in the eyes, and the first thing I thought was, you f**king lied to me. You were coming back and you just went off and let yourself you weren't even careful after you said that to me. That was my reaction. Not, oh my god. I was, like, thinking about the number in our family. Like, oh, now we're not 8. We're we're 7, and we're not 6. We're 5. We're 5. We're incomplete. We're fraud. Everyone's gonna know we're a fake family now. And then, you know, you hear the news. Obviously, the whole house is in is dealing with grief in some way. You wake up the next day. Did you think it was, like, a dream or nightmare? What what did you think was happening the next day Oh, thank you. When when you woke up? I have my period too, by the way, so it's a total double whammy. It's an emotional topic, and I just want everyone to know I'm still fertile. Waking up, death is agony, and it is a it's like a nosedive of a plane crashing into the ocean because the crash never ends. So the death is nothing. It's the aftermath that is so painful. To watch your father my father is like a big he was a big, strong guy, and he was masculine, you know, to the nth degree. Like, he was and he was completely full of s**t. But I looked up to him and and thought he was a strong man, and when my brother died, I saw what my dad's reaction to that was, and I remember sitting in our living room, and people were sitting shiva because we're Jewish and sort of. We're not even fully Jewish, I found out, but people would come over and sit shiva, and I remember looking at my father in the bay window of our house, and he was just a half like a shell of himself and just, like, weeping, and I'd never seen him cry, and I was like, no. What are you doing? You're gonna f**king you're what's going on with you now, you f**king a*****e? Like, everybody was just dropping like flies is essentially how it felt. You're just like all of a sudden on your own private Idaho going, okay. Who do I go to? So so probably from that point on, to some extent, you felt like you were the only one who could take care of yourself. Because here's your dad. There's your mom. They're dealing with their own thing. They're collapsing, and you proceeded to take care of yourself, but in your own way, in that 9 year old way that that a 9 year old could take care of an adult as you grow up to be an adult. Yeah. And so this kind of leads into your career because each thing is, like, plugging that that emptiness. Mhmm. Do you feel like, you know, like, when you're in your early twenties, you're starting to you moved out to LA. You're starting to to do stand up. You're you're you're beginning to get into TV. Like, what was that like? What was what was happening? How did you how did you first begin to get, quote unquote noticed? I just was just a bull in a china shop. I was like, everybody get out of my way. Here I come. Like, I there was no question what was gonna happen. I was coming to LA to get the attention that I had lost during my childhood. Not that I mean, I I think I always wanted to do this kind of thing whether my brother died or not. I think I was born to, like, be a public figure and speak about my truth and be honest about my experience in life. And now that I'm using it more judiciously and more honestly in my, you know, like, now that I'm in my forties and I get the responsibility and I wanna contribute in a more impactful way, it's now coming into a shape that I'm really proud of. But I think at that time, I was just trying to get to the to my future. I was just trying to fast forward to when my life would begin, and my life would begin when I was able to stop waiting tables and made a living talking. And and did you ever once you started together, like, let's say your your first talk show on on E, did you start to feel like, oh, I'm a success, or Yeah. Oh, this is great. Yeah. Validation. I was like, oh, everybody in I talk about this in the book. You know, I had created a scenario where there was a 100 people paid to look after me to make sure I showed up every morning at 8:45, and I left it, then I was downstairs in hair and makeup at a certain time, and then I was on the stage, and I remember walking to the stage, and then on being on walkies, my stage manager is going, she's walking, she's walking. Then I'm like, I have to pee, and they're like, she has to pee. And I was like, I like this. I was like, this is what I like. I want parents, and I got a 100 of them now. Yeah. And you even you start off the book even talking about all the different people doing all these different tasks for you so that, oddly, it's almost like you're helpless, but at the same time, completely in control because everyone's working for you. Now when you what do you think separated you out though when you're starting to get kind of success after success in the e show, which was which was a great success as well in the in the ratings? What do you think separated you out from from other people? Obviously, many people in LA were were trying to get the same type of career. I don't know. I I don't know. I mean, you know, I I had a lot of chutzpah, I guess, and I'm white, so that helps. You know, I was handed a lot of opportunities for not a lot of great reasons. I was a I wrote a book called My Horizontal Life, A Collection of 1 Night Stands, and I got another book deal. I I mean, I just kept getting rewarded for bad behavior, you know, what was considered bad behavior. I don't give a s**t about it being bad behavior, but for a society that says, like, oh, this is bad, and she's a loud mouth, and she talks about drinking and drugs, and she's sleeping around, and then got a TV show to talk about it more. Did you ever feel that if you stopped or if you slowed down the the drinking and the relationships and all that stuff, that you wouldn't get as much attention, that you wouldn't get as much fame, that one was feeding into the other? Well, I didn't think about, like, drinking and partying in terms of like that. No. I just was just like, well, this is fun. Let's do that too. I mean, why not? Why not go get a yacht and get s**t faced all week? And then But also what became great stories in all of your books? Yeah. I didn't ever think about it as a bad cycle that I was in or maybe I could do better. I just was like, I deserve this. There was a part of me that really felt like I deserved it for a while because I worked so hard, I believed, and not until now that I'm like, it's not that hard work. Like, yeah, I did a lot of it, and but it's it's not that hard. There's nothing there's no struggle there. And that made me really you know, the election did a lot of things. It makes you take a deeper look inside yourself, and and and made it made me realize how alive and well racism and sexism and every ism is in this country, and how naive I've been. So that was what led me to take a real deep look at myself and go, you spoiled little f**king girl. What is your issue? And you can do better than this. You can make more thoughtful decisions and be more present and be a better person and kinder and more patient and all of the things that we, I think, want all wanna be, I guess. So in in the book, you quote you quote, Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search For Meaning. Were you do you feel that the direction you were going in, even with the shows, do you feel now let me put it this way. Do you feel now you're more on a quest for that for that meaning in your life, and do you think you've gotten closer to it or found it? Yeah. I've gotten closer to it. I get it. I get it that it's not just a spin cycle. You gotta, like, be in in your life, and you have to show up for people and be there for the right reasons, and look strangers and your family in the eye and sit with them and and not be on your f**king phone no matter what your job is. Then don't come to lunch or dinner. You know what I mean? Like, to really be a person, and we're in a society right now that's completely out of control, so people are digging deeper because they wanna feel grounded. I felt like I was flying away, and I needed to get, like, rooting. And, you know, the conversations in LA, a lot of them entail words like gratitude and the universe and kale and all that s**t. So you get sick of it and you become, like, allergic to it. I did anyway because I'm a cynic, and I'm like, get away from me with all the f**king meditation s**t and this and your mantra. And meanwhile, now I'm like, oh my god. I'll shove a mantra straight up my a*****e. You know what I mean? I'm so into it. Like, I get it. I'm awake. I totally get what it means to be a person that is living your life rather than your life living you. Well, and and along the way, you were trying different things to find out perhaps this meaning, like, you know, you you you had episodes about or you're trying Ayahuasca. Like, what what kind of obviously, you were taking drugs and all the partying and everything, but what kind of veered you in the direction of, oh, let's take drugs for to perhaps find this meaning? I mean, I just look for any excuse to take drugs, so that was more of like a a boondoggle, but it ended up being an important one because a, it was a seminal moment for me and my relationship with my sister, and I write about it in the book, and it's the most frequently asked question that I get is about my Ayahuasca episode other than 50 Cent. That is the most that, you know, that is the conversation started. Yeah. Thank you. But, yeah, I think the Ayahuasca is a great tool, and I think, you know, that's how I feel about cannabis. That's how I feel about, like, we are we, you know, we are living in a world where, like, and we're outlawing all the things that can help us the most. We shouldn't be taking pills from these f**king pharmaceutical companies. f**k them. They, like, poisoned us, and now we're gonna make money to unpoison us. So screw them. This is something that grows out of the ground. Ayahuasca is a root and a plant. Like, if these can help you access certain parts of your brain or take the edge off or have a breakthrough, go for it. Why would we prevent anyone or criminalize that? Yeah. Well, something like something like, I I guess it's like the US represents 3% of the world's population, and yet 25% of the world's imprisoned population is in the US, and half of those are for drug related offenses. Yeah. So it's almost like if you get rid of drug laws, people get to experiment or try on their own, and it actually, you know, frees up a large portion of society in other countries. I just did a documentary for Netflix on white privilege, and it I went to revisit my black boyfriend from high school, whose name is Tyshawn Wilson. I haven't seen him since high school, but I've seen him now. He and I got caught in high school with pot, a dime bag, 2 3 times 2 or 3 times. Each time he was arrested and they would let me go. Every time. And at the time I was like, yeah, thank you. I'll see you guys later. You know? Call me when you're out of jail or whatever. He got put into the system. This guy had a scholarship to UNLV to play basketball, and once he got put in the system, then he started to deal drugs, then he started to use drugs. He spent 14 years in jail, and I just went back to my neighborhood. So there is privilege in being white. I've never ever been pulled over in my, before I was a celebrity and not argued with a police officer. Never. Entitled. Just thinking my dad will get you in trouble. Who's my dad? I don't even know what I'm talking about. There's a sense of entitlement that I grew up with, and that's not true for every white person, but there is a sense of the police are here to protect you if you're white. I never really thought about that when I until I got older. Like, yeah. Right. That's not how black people feel about the police. It's not a a that's not how every black person feels when they call the police or when they get pulled over. It's a life or death situation. So so two questions. What you you you did this documentary. Do you think, a, there's a solution, and, b, do you think the direction, at least, is going in the right direction? Well, I think people have to talk about, you know, now we're in a state of overcorrection, I think, with me too, and everyone's so you know, no one knows what the f**k is up. You can't talk to anyone. Now you have to fist bump people. We're all just like, what? I mean, everyone's confused. And I think that, like, within all of that sorry. I don't wanna get away from your repeat your question so I can finish that before I expound. Do you think there's a solution, and and do you think we're going in the right direction? I don't know what the solution is. The direction is conversation, the difficult conversations. So right now, we're in a period where everybody doesn't wanna, like, the most problem I the biggest problem I had doing this documentary was getting white people to talk about white privilege, because they're like, I don't they don't wanna talk about it. And until we discuss it and say, yeah. We're not responsible for slavery. You don't have to, like we're not saying that. I mean and I'm not saying we. I'm not, like, with I'm saying it's these conversations are so important to have, and you have to really hang yourself out to try to have an honest conversation. And I can do that, and I'm I'm happy, and I want to do it. And I figured if I'm gonna make a documentary, let's talk about some real s**t that we can actually sink our teeth into to start a conversation about why white people wanna deny that there's privilege in this world. Well, do you think maybe people don't wanna have the conversation because, like, a fish doesn't know what's in the water? It just thinks, oh, this is how I live. Like, I would say most people don't understand what advantage they have. Like, they don't understand that if they're picked up with pot and one's white and one's black, chances are there's a higher probability the black person will go to jail and the white person won't. Right. So so people don't just don't know that there are that there are the fish living in the water. Right. And so how do you so a lot of people will say, oh, a, what's white privilege? What's she talking about? This is just Chelsea Handler doing her thing. And b, they'll say, oh, this is a way of her creating attention. You know, I'm sure that's the criticism you're getting. So what, how do you address that, and how do you how do you work around? Address that. That's not my issue. That's someone else's issue. How does Netflix address it? Not my problem either. I mean, so so again, what else did you discover in in the documentary? Like, the most common thing was like, we would go down to Georgia, and we were in this white, they call it Whitetopias, like these neighborhoods where white where I grew up. Exactly where I grew up, and where I moved to Bel Air. I was like, oh, I live in LA. I live in Bel Air. There are no black people. The Fresh Prince. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're still waiting for him. But I went from one Whitopia to another, and I think I'm open minded. You know? Like, no. I'm not. Why did I do that? If I was really thoughtful, moved into a more diverse area. If that's really what I care about, I wouldn't have moved to Bel Air. I wouldn't have fed my own ego by buying some ridiculous house because I could. I would have thought about it, and I'm not gonna beat myself up for my past mistakes. I'm just happy to be at the party now. At least I know now what I can do better and what my growth edges are. And, yes, there's no solution, but the more you talk, like, so I'll do this documentary and maybe it'll be a big splash. It'll get people talking about the conversation of race, and then there are other, a 1000000 other projects going on around the world talking about the very same issue, so why not, you know, why not be a part of that conversation instead of, you know, doing something silly instead of doing something silly instead of doing something? Right, and like you say, the conversation almost is the direction. So that's before we weren't having the conversation, now we are. That's moving at least in the right Yes. Place. Yes. That's right. And so so thank you. You're welcome. No. I forget what I was gonna say. But, I could ask myself a question. Hold on. Alright. Just tell me what else you found. What are what are some other stories from the documentary? What are we gonna see? Well, you know, I think it's it it was more I wanted to hang out my like, you know, for me to discover maybe you didn't get so successful because you're so talented. Maybe it is has something to do with the way you look and the way and the fact that you are white, and you know, you're not I'm not gonna attribute all of my success to being white, but I would be an idiot not to attribute most of it to that. There isn't a black girl at the time that I did that that would have gotten the same kind of attention and been rewarded for doing what I did. That's true. That's probably true. But you also can't deny, I mean, you were doing stand up at that point for 5, 6 years. I don't know how long when when you got your first talk show on on e. But you were putting in the hours, you were putting in the time, building a skill. So, yes, maybe a similar person with your skill set, but not your look might not have had the opportunity. And now, you know, we're seeing more and more of diversity in in media and entertainment. Because media is being forced to be diverse. Forced. We have to force people to do things. And then, and you mentioned earlier the overreaction. So where are you seeing the overreaction? Is it on college campuses? Is it in in the news? I don't think there's an overreaction. I think there's an over correction about rules in the workplace, and like, and I think it's necessary. We have to overcorrect to the land I believe is somewhere in the middle. We have to overcorrect to the land I believe is somewhere in the middle. You know? I think this is what happens. Men abuse their positions of power, and now there's, you know, now you have to be accountable, and I'm yes. I'm talking to you specifically. It's a wrap it's a wrap on white guys. It's a wrap. You either have to transition or come out of the closet, and then maybe I think it's, you know, it's a tricky time, and we have to be cognizant of that and respect it. There's a reason we're in this space, and so we have to be like, okay. Acknowledge, look around. What am I not getting? I can't you know, I touched a girl's a*s in my documentary. I gave she gave me a hug, this black girl, and I went and hugged her, and then went like that. I do that all the time to people always. Thank god I don't have a show right now. And I was like and she got offended, and she was like, you can't touch touch my body that way. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, it's girlfriend. Like, you're a sisterhood thing. Like, you're a girl. I'm not hitting on you. Do you she's like, I don't think you're hitting on me, but you're that's a violation. And I was like, okay. Why? And she's like, because black women have been defined by our hair and our asses for our entire lives. You don't get to touch my body like that. And I was like, oh, f**k. But when's it an overreaction when, yes, they've been defined you know, everybody's defined by something. Right? Positive and negative. When's it an overreaction when people are too sensitive about the things that are are common among a lot of people? And and and specifically, many women are harassed in in the workplace in awful ways by men in positions of power. When does this overreaction hurt the everyday woman in middle in middle America who doesn't have a voice, doesn't have an outlet, when when she sees other people making accusations that may or may not have merit, but she can't make the accusation that really does have merit? When does it start to hurt her, the overreaction? Well, I mean, you could argue both sides of that. You know, you could argue that a woman blow getting her hair blown on is not an assault either, and that diminishes any real victim of sexual assault. You know? I don't need to hear, like, about that that's not the same thing as being locked in a hotel room or an apartment and being attacked. Right. But they're all getting conflated there. They are. They are. And it diminishes real stories of sexual assault. I get what you're saying, and I'm with you on it. I don't know have the answer to that. I don't get it either. I don't know when the line is drawn. I think we have to hear enough stories to go, okay, and redraw the maps, which is what I believe is happening right now, is that there's redistricting happening happening, so to speak, in terms of behavior between men and women and sexual parity. So so in I mean, going back to, you know, the book and and, you know, the interweaving of your career throughout this, throughout the stories that you tell, you know, Dan, the the psychiatrist in the book, What what stuff did you start to discover along the way while you were seeing the therapist that kinda led to more of this awakening? Well, he explained to me that I lacked empathy, which I was like, what what? How did he how did he see that? Like, when did what were the clues? Because it's not it's not common for him to say you lack empathy. He's sort of trying to get you to say it. But, like, what what was he seeing? My story in life was I come in and I fix the situation. I can come in. If my best friend has a problem, I will be there on her bed every morning. I'm a fixer, I'm a fixer, I'm a fixer. And when you talk about that personality trait, it's like you can fix everybody but you. I could attack everybody, make fun of everybody, get rewarded for that, but I was never attacking myself. I could be self deprecating, but I was assessing everyone's character but my own. So that's how I went through life, fixing everybody's problems. I'm the best friend. I'm the you know, I'll be there more than anybody, harder than anybody. I know how to handle death. Everybody dies in my family. I can do anything. That is the attitude that that created a lack of empathy, because I was getting on But it seems like empathy. It seems like empathy. I'm great in sympathy. I don't have the empathy. So I now that I know to look out for it, sympathy is what I was doing. Showing up and trying to be, and also being like, oh, I'm a big shot. I can handle. I'll fix your situation. Empathy is actually imagining what it's like to be in another person's shoes and wondering what it's like to walk out of the house after something terrible happened to your husband or your daughter or whatever the situation or your breakup, and I never once imagined what anyone was going through in my life until my psychiatrist said, do you think you lack empathy? And I was like, well, what's the distinction between sympathy and empathy? And then he made it very clear, and I was like, yeah, I don't have that. So like what what's an example from from your past where now looking back on it, you were sympathetic, and you thought you did all the right things, but somehow you empathy maybe caused more harm than good? Lack of empathy. Like, I'm very, like, why can't you do this? Just get up. Go to get up. You get yourself up. Don't sit and wallow. Like, that's my attitude, so I would impart that on other people and be and push people to be tougher than they were or you know? And and it's not right for everybody. It's not the right prescription for everybody. That's my prescription, and lacking empathy didn't allow me to understand that other people don't have my history. They don't have my run of events, so they're not gonna act like me. We're not the same person. So to be aware of my lack of empathy is so much more important because now I know. Okay. Imagine what it's like for that person. Like, even at a restaurant when somebody is annoying me, I'm like, empathy, empathy. You know, and then I like think about what their life could be like. You don't know what they're going through. I'm like, okay, okay, okay, okay. That's good. I tried that. You know? So I train myself a little bit every day, and I'm getting better, and I'm not where I wanna be. Of course, I'll never be there, but I'm gonna go in that direction. So so, like, a a 9 year old we don't think of 9 year olds as being experts on empathy. And when this happened with your brother and with you and your family, it's almost like at that point, you stopped building the, let's say, the emotional infrastructure inside to to create empathy the way people do through puberty and teenage and young adult years. How do you start like, you you just mentioned now, like, okay, you have to remind yourself. You have to say there's all the empathy, empathy. But how do you really start to see it inside of yourself growing? Do do you see it inside of yourself? I think I mean, whatever we're lacking, any of us as individuals, as long as you become aware, you can my psychiatrist does this thing called I am, identification, awareness, modification. And for me, that was all I needed. I'm like, okay. This is when I'm being like, if somebody in a parking lot, you know, like when you're being short and your patience. I have a lack of patience. I mean, that I have in spades. So for me to sit and not be reactive, and those things go together with empathy. It's like, okay. Stop. Think. Don't answer that email. Think about maybe they're dealing with something. To not I've never in my life not reacted in the moment that something happened. I never had that muscle. I didn't know that was an option. I had heard about it, but I was like, doesn't sound right. And so when he said that, and when you realize this, what, you know so he he mentions how to how to solve it, but did this shock you? Like, did this feel like, oh my gosh? No. I loved it. I just loved paying somebody to critique me. I mean, it was awesome. I'm like, that's a perfect exchange. You're not my friend. You're not my relative. You're somebody I'm paying for you to tell me what is wrong with me. Diagnose me and tell me how I can fix myself, and that's what we did. It was like break down, build up, repair, okay, go back out into the world, and come back when you're ready for the next thing. And, you know, this was my biggest injury. I have a lot of confidence in myself that I now know how to go through life without ever getting waylaid like that again, and I know all of like, I don't care how long it took me to get here. I'm happy I am here because now I can really do s**t. You know, I feel like between your e shows and then your talk show on Netflix, Chelsea, there was there was a change. There was a growth. Like, your the the the show you had about music with all the different musicians sitting around the dinner, you're really kind of getting to these poignant moments of why they all entered music. You're attempting to Enter music. Enter music, which whatever. And, I felt like there was a real development there. Do you feel do you feel that that worked? Did you feel Netflix, you know, applauded you for it or the audience applauded for you? And and and what do you see as next coming, even after this documentary? Well, I mean, my relationship with Netflix has been a long time, so, like, I I my my new documentary's there. Like, I do a lot of business with Netflix. Yeah. There's always growth, and there's evolution, and it's it's hard to be honest with yourself about what you want. Like, it's hard to say, do I, like, it's hard to say, do I really wanna do a talk show when you're making this kind of money and it's great, and you do you really wanna ask yourself that question? Not not really. Like, not no. I and but it kept popping into my head, and I kept trying to push it away, and then I was like, this is this is this is I'm not on the right track right now. I didn't feel like I first of all, after the election, I couldn't focus on anything but just going out into the world and campaigning for midterm candidates that would represent what this country actually looks like instead of old f**king white guys. No offense to any old white guys here. Okay. Hey. Over you. Okay. But let me ask you about that though. Is is identity politics a fair way to judge, a government? No. But but saying, you know, specifically identifying old white guys, and I'm I'm an old white guy. Like, who knows where where I stand on issues? Who knows? Seventies, it's a wrap on being in the senate or the house. Like, how long do you have to f**king stay there? These guys are too old. Half of them are asleep during hearings. I mean, they've got dementia. Not every 70 year old is has dementia. I get that, but they do. A lot of them. But the same but the same could be said for, I mean, you know, there's a lot of 70 year old women in the in congress in in the Supreme Court now. No. I think that's So I'm just wondering where does identity politics also get dangerous? No. I think there should be an age cap and a term limit for all public representatives. Absolutely. I don't there's another old white guy back there. What's up? Hi, papa bear. He's like, who? But but again, Okay. You. But that could be true. So so age just like there's an age limit on on you can't be a pilot for an airline after the age of 65. Right. That's a very reasonable age limit. The AARP says at 65, you could do anything. Nope. You cannot be a pilot for the airlines. And maybe you're saying you can't be a congressman or a congresswoman either, but that's different than identity politics. That's different than saying get rid of all the old white guys, keep all the everybody else. So so again, where where is the line where identity politics becomes something dangerous? Because that's what happened in China or Russia where identity politics did turn into something very dangerous. I mean, it is dangerous now. We're living in a dangerous world, and it is because of identity politics. No. That you can't just identify with 1 on one issue. You can't just that doesn't I mean, you can, but I don't I don't know what the answer is. I think the answer is to you know, for me, personally, I'm not gonna need that much from the government anytime soon. I don't need public services other than, like, you know, the police force and, which are only for me apparently, or, you know, the FAA. Like, those things, of course, I have but, like, it doesn't affect me. Trump being president hasn't changed my life in one in one way other than, like, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, I've grown. But I think the important thing is when you're a person that looks like me, you need to be voting for the people that need your vote. You know? You need to be voting outside of your group. You need to be looking at marginalized communities and saying that's where my vote's gonna go. I don't need this. I'm not voting for myself anymore because I don't have to. I have everything I'm gonna need for the rest of my life. You know? So that's my thing. It's not identity policy. It's who are the what's happening with LGBTQ community? What's happening with Muslims? What's happening with Somalians? What's happening with any sort of immigration policy? That's what I'm voting for now. I'm not even thinking about my own, you know, myself, and that's where I wanna be. I wanna be out of my own a*****e. So okay. So the documentary coming out, this book this book has come out. What other you know, I think I think I have a cannabis line coming out at the end of the summer. Alright. Let's Yeah. So we can get girls empowered and emboldened to use cannabis because, guys, you don't get that too. So so what's up with that? Like, what has been the effect cannabis like, obviously, in a lot of your books, you're talking about, you know, you you have vodka in the title of one of your books. Where does where where does it go, you know, are you there, marijuana, it's me, Chelsea? Like, what what what when did that change occur? Well, again, at the election, the alcohol I've always been a big fan of drinking, and when the outrage in alcohol was like a hat on a hat, I was like, this is too angry. Even I knew I had to make a pivot. I was like, what's up with weed? Where's that? And then they legalized it in California. And then with the legalization of marijuana came the education of marijuana and what you're putting into your body and the ratio between THC and CBD, the strains of what you're smoking, and then it's like, oh, well I don't have to be blottoed, I can just take the edge off. And first it was for sleeping, because there's so many different things. You can use it to be up, you can use it to go to sleep, you can use it if you have pain. What what do you use to sleep? Is it was it more THC? Is it more CBD? So both are extracts from marijuana. Yeah. I just take I'd usually take THC, like a 10 milligram gummy every night, and then I go to bed. And then I drift off into sleep like a baby. Do you think do you think CBD works? I can never feel the effect of CBD. Not for me. CBD is a kind of a non starter for me, but for people that don't smoke weed, then, yeah, CBD probably will work. And so okay. So you you started using it to to take the edge off to sleep. What what else? What other Then I started giving it out to people to see like, I was like kids. I, well, I consider myself a bit of, like, a pharmacological intuit. Like, I know what people need before they know sometimes. And so, like, my sister's a little on edge. I was like, why don't you take this little chocolate covered blueberry and get back to me in about 20 minutes. You know? And then I give it to my brother, and he's, like, really stressed with his wife, and I give him a mint, and then I'd be like, okay. This chocolate gummy goes over here. And then I really started getting so many people hooked on cannabis. I was like, wait a second. I'm good at this. And I really want to help people. Like, when somebody's edgy like, my niece has real anxiety, and she can't give a presentation at school, and she is you know, she couldn't do it. She can't get up in front of the class, and I was like, I want you to take this edible. We're gonna sit at home with you, and you tell us if this makes you feel better. And, like, I will cry talking about it, and I've cried enough so I won't get into it, but it did. And when you see a little girl gain confidence, I don't care if it's from an edible. Like, you gotta get as soon as you make a presentation, if you need that help to get that presentation going and you need one edible, the next time you probably won't need anything. So for me, it's about getting people to the next step of, like, don't be scared. It's okay. You can you can present in front of a classroom. You're my niece. How could you not talk publicly? She's like, that's the hardest part. I'm like, here, take this edible. You know? So my family's a little bit more f**ked up than most families, but but my friends, I've just seen it help so many people and we need to be more vocal about it, and I know that I am gonna my my line of weed is gonna be focused on getting women reintroducing them back to, the cannabis space for people who've had a bad experience because Why is it just for women? Well, it can be for men too, but I care more about women right now. Fair enough. If you haven't noticed When when is it coming out and how will people find it? You'll find you'll hear about it. It'll be out this summer, and, and it's gonna be microdosing, so people could just for me, it makes everything a little bit easier when you're having a stressful day. It makes everything a little bit more sparkly. And, when's the documentary coming out? What's it called? September 13th. What's it called? I don't know yet. Maybe Hello Privilege, It's Me Chelsea. I like that. And then your book just just is out now, Life Will Be the Death of Me, and, And I'm going on tour. I'll be on a 20 city tour starting tomorrow in Boston, so I will be on the road for and if you get a ticket, at live nation.com, you get a copy of the book too. And everybody here should have a copy of the book. Right? We gave we gave all of you copies of the book. Well, Chelsea Handler, you I've been a fan for so long. I wouldn't discount all of your prior work. You you've entertained so many millions of people, including me, and your books have been so great and so humorous, and you're you're you're a funny, entertaining, talented person. I'm so grateful you're on the podcast. I love this book. I love the change in direction. Thank you so much for coming on the James Altucher Show. Thank you, James. Thank you. Thank you, everybody, for being here.