Transcript
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The following podcast is a deer media production. Hello, everybody, welcome to the b***h Bible podcast. Now, if you've listened to this podcast for, you know, me personally or I'm just your b***hy friend, you listen to once a week, you know that silence is not exactly my strong suit. It's also never been my course of action. I tackle things head on. No qualms, OK? I don't have a publicist. I don't have, like some PR drafted outlined that, you know, I'm going to present you with Meryl Streep style. I'm speaking from the heart. No edits like I've done for over five years. Any delayed reaction was truly, truly because I reached just kind of an emotional breaking point. Now, last week, I didn't. I don't feel the need to broadcast this on social media because when she it's real, I put my f**king phone down. Ironically, as my husband and I were set to attend a protest, one that my husband marched proudly along with all of our closest best friends to show our support for George Floyd. Sorry, my throat's closing up because I'm just I'm getting upset. My grandma, Gloria, was very, very ill and hospitalized, and we didn't know what it was. I was freaking the f**k out, to say the least. This is in no way an excuse or deflection. I'm just letting you know some straight facts. So she's absolutely fine now. Thank f**king God. But last week in the hospital, very ill. She's fine now, OK? As this is going on, I kind of start getting traction on social media that an episode of this podcast that aired two years ago had resurfaced an episode that two years ago had generated some press and kind of ran its cycle. And that's something that happens on this show. I mean, listen, sometimes s**t gets weird and as a podcaster with a platform? I can tell you with full f**king confidence that if I knew then what I know now after educating myself, not getting caught, educating myself and understanding the implications and actually the power of this platform, I would be so much more mindful and so much more responsible with the conversations in context that is attached to this ship that I f**king built with no pre-existing platform. And mind you, no track record. I got it. A few sprinkling of DMs people saying, Are you going to address this? This was said on your podcast, and at that time, I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't think that I had any involvement. I hadn't heard the episode in a couple of years. I don't. I know myself and I have full or had full confidence that I would always navigate myself with the utmost respect, both socially, racially, culturally, any of the above. I've always had that confidence in myself. I've never questioned my abilities to navigate anything because I know who I am. Truly, truly, truly, I regret brushing this off so quickly and being comfortable with anything that would perpetuate racial incrimination existing on my platform. Period. So truthfully, I went back, I listened to the entire episode three times. I wanted to know exactly what was said, what the implication was because I simply didn't remember and I'm not f**king proud of that either. I'm not proud that I sat back, had an afro spreads and took something lighthearted as a kiki without even considering the ramifications of what that could do to another person. No evidence. I didn't know. I didn't care. And I'm really disappointed in myself. And you know what? I'm sorry if I'm misspeaking or I'm f**king up, I don't have an outline, I don't have a script. OK, I'm really honestly just speaking here because I do trust my judgment and I know my intentions. OK, so I listen back to this f**king episode and I think, you know what in the light of what's going on in the world. Conversations like this should not exist and definitely should not exist on my platform. So it was discussed and we deleted it. I regret this more than I can f**kin tell you. OK. I've been accused I shouldn't even use the words accused because I've been accused of nothing. It has been insinuated that I am protecting or I am hiding. I have no secrets. I do think in hindsight, it was the wrong decision. OK. I don't want it any in any way, shape or form. Take the role of like some Thorn in the Woods podcast victim who just like, you know, I'm so uneducated. I didn't know it's bulls**t. OK, I should f**king know better. In nearly six years, I have never edited or deleted a podcast episode. My podcast. You have to understand, is technically a media outlet. What is said on a media outlet doesn't become my thoughts and my stories through osmosis. This story circulated two years ago across a plethora of news outlets, who also did not see the long term ramifications of sharing a story about a black woman without confirmed, without confirming anything details. I am just as guilty, OK? I cannot speak for anyone else except myself. I don't plan on speaking for anyone except myself. All we have in these times are our voices, and I can only utilize mine in the best way possible. This is not backpedaling on me very, very clear, to be honest. When I heard this story, it was just a wild ride and I didn't hear it or see it as you know, someone telling me a story about a black person, OK? I genuinely, genuinely did not even factor her race into the story and or my reaction period. And honestly, the more that I've thought about it and paused and really like reflected and wondered, why didn't I understand and understand the long term ramifications of sharing a story like that about a woman of color? You know what I mean? I I'm mad at myself for not even considering that. I think that's the problem in itself. You know, I've always prided myself on not seeing color because quite simply, I don't have a racist bone in my f**kin body. But that's not enough, OK? I can understand now how that in itself is white privilege. I can acknowledge this and also say without even a micro shrivel of a doubt, that I would have reacted the same exact way two years ago sitting at a desk if the story was about a white girl named Jackie Schimmel from the f**king San Fernando Valley. Exactly the same way my reaction had zero to do with race, and I will back that up forever because it's the f**king truth. I will take a lot and I will acknowledge a lot, and I have a lot to f**king learn and I need to learn when to shut the f**k up and keep my a*s in line. But I will tell you dead in anybody's eye that that was not a reaction to any form of racial perception. And in the spirit of forward peddling in the highest gear. OK. When I listened back, not only was I upset that that was taking place on my platform, a podcast that I have built as from a receptionist at a g*****n investment bank with no pre-existing platform, I was really also disappointed in myself that I had the nerve to laugh at someone who was serving in the military and perhaps suffered from PTSD or allegedly going AWOL. I've never discussed this on this podcast, but I lost my mother to mental illness, so I'm not proud of glazing over that either, because that's not f**king funny. And as someone who has experienced it and lost a parent to it, for me to sit back and laugh and glaze and deflect is is terrible and reflective and cowardice, really, because I should have said something because I do know better. When I was being told this story, I just sat there and I laughed like a f**king idiot. I didn't consider the race of the subject or the disadvantages that she had faced. I didn't consider the long term ramifications of a story circulating like this. And when I say ramifications, I don't mean for me personally. I mean, for a woman who I have no knowledge of no history with, I'm not on a cast with her. I've never met this person. I don't know where she comes from to laugh at, you know, someone being homeless or without any information of my own is careless, stupid and kind of just pathetic for for me. If I knew then what I know now, I can guarantee the conversation would have sounded and been very different, whether it was recorded or not. Now you have to also understand that this podcast is called The b***h Bible. We are a comedy podcast. People come on this platform and say crazy s**t all the time. I say the craziest s**t. OK. Two weeks ago, I talked about pissing on the floor of an airplane bathroom to try to get my dog to mark over me, and I'm not losing that part of my personality, OK? I think if you were to see a pie chart of my my offenses, you'd probably see ninety nine point nine percent. Jackie Schimmel targeted jokes. I now understand the implications of like, carelessly incriminating a black woman without facts, whether it was my story or not. I am responsible for this platform. I love this f**king podcast. I I will back this s**t up forever. I think it's smart. I think it's funny, and I think it's one of the only honest, un curated, unedited media portals and and I stand behind it and myself. OK, I understand the implications of incriminating anybody, period. If I knew, then what I know now, I would have done better and I would have handled the situation with more education and empathy. Empathy being my f**king key word, OK? To be clear, the only comments I made in regards to the story I was being told was What a crazy b***h and piggybacking saying I had security cameras, so don't come for me. This is a joke. I have since regurgitated multiple multiple times. And yes, I laughed along like a dumb, unwelcome b***h. Now I struggled with whether I was going to say this publicly, but I think I think it's important to to address it. I apologize to faith privately. About four days ago, because even though I'm in this world, I have a platform. I'm somewhat in a public, you know, situation. I take pride mostly for what I do in private. So without defending myself and taking to Instagram or Twitter or Facebook to me, like I apologize to faith. I wanted her to understand that I was actually f**king sorry, OK? And I didn't need to do that publicly because I needed to do it for myself privately first. So now I will also say publicly. I am very, very, very genuinely sorry, if anything that was said on this show has made racial implications or any baseless accusations. I can only be responsible for my words moving forward. OK? And my words will guide this podcast in the appropriate direction, a direction that is more educated, a direction that is more mindful, a direction that is more educated. And not only am I responsible for my words, I am responsible for my actions. OK. I don't have a track history in this arena. I don't have a f**king publicist. Like I said, because I don't need one. I can speak for myself. There is no angle here. This is not backpedaling. This is forward pedaling. OK. And I will ride this track all day f**king long. There are outside factors, of course, and that's not my place, I'm not in this game to speak for anybody else, OK? I really wish we didn't delete that episode. I think it was a pussy a*s move. I'm open to these conversations. I f**k up all the time, but I have taken pause and examined my privilege. And I do see the world differently and I understand the importance of my platform. And quite simply, I just f**king get it. I get it OK. I don't want to mince words. I don't want to deflect. I don't want to, like, get crazy. I want to keep it. One Hondo Now on that tip, I have received messages telling having people tell me to die, then I'm a worthless piece of s**t. Calling me a kike. Die you f**king Kike. You're going to have to take that up with f**king Gloria. OK, I'm not taken that one who. Had to say it, and now we've said it, OK. I love you all. Thank you to all the people that have messaged me who have whether it be supportive or unsupportive. You know, I want to have these conversations. This is what's happening in our country. I don't want to glaze over. I'm open to a dialogue. I am very well equipped to navigate all of these conversations, and I want to learn and I want to encourage others to learn also. And you know what? Onwards and f**king upwards. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't want to discriminate. There's probably three men that, listen, this is not covering my ass, you know, trying to make it nice or any of the things. This isn't performance activism. This is me taking ownership of this platform and all of the content that is released moving forward, even if it's not my story. This is my podcast, and I'm the head b***h in charge over here, so you can rest assured that none of this s**t is ever going to happen on this platform or under my watch again. I want to keep everybody laughing in a responsible mind, full, elevated manner, and that's what I'm going to f**king do. Like I said last week, this s**t is real. This s**t has always been real and this s**t will always stay f**king real. Thank you for listening to me. Listening to this podcast and just, you know, having these f**king conversations, these are uncomfortable. I have full filters. But it needed to be said, and I'm proud to stand here. As the host of this podcast, I'm proud to have these uncomfortable conversations, and I would like to continue doing so. Thank you guys for listening. I really, really love my listeners and I really, really love this f**king show and I really love the future and the direction that we're going to take. And we're going to keep laughing because we f**king need to love you, and I will talk to you tomorrow.
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